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electromattic Archive

View 4 posts and 190 comments by electromattic on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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5

Same. I sometimes wonder if I am even able to feel anger. Usually I just get sad if something doesn't work out. Can't tell you the last time I legit felt angry.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 12:41 AM
2

It is different for everyone. I just recently started dating someone and feel as though I am in a healthy enough space that it feels good. But it could take longer or shorter. Also - staying single is totally cool. I love being single and having full autonomy with my decision making. There is a societal subtext that may make you feel as though you need to find someone - don't listen to it. You are enough!!
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 05:03 PM
3

I agree. It can be good to sit with your emotions and really process everything. I didn't date for two years either. It is just so much change and trauma to wade through, and I am just now feeling like I'm on the other side of it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 11:02 AM
73

Yeah if you read "dead internet theory" it proposes that eventually the internet will just be bots talking to bots. It comes to mind every time I see lazy AI slop that this.
/r/seduction11/05/26 10:53 AM
8

I agree. And the reason that the fattest guy at work has the hottest girlfriend is because fatty tells amazing stories, is hilarious, takes initiative, and treats his woman amazingly. "Looking Good" is kind of like having a good CV/cover-letter. It will get you the interview but won't land you the job on it's own. Your personality and your actions are what will get you where you want to be. Make yourself look good for sure, but instead of saving up for leg-lengthening surgery or botox maybe inst…
/r/seduction11/05/26 10:39 AM
15

Same. I got the same speech about how she "never got to experience being single" since she moved from long-term-relationship to long-term-relationship. Meanwhile she has started secretly seeing one of her co-workers and has jumped into a relationship with him before she had moved out. It blows my mind how similar all of our stories are!
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 10:15 AM
12

I would even dial it back from there and suggest that the guys who are good had parents who normalized and socialized the idea of romantic interest. I will say in my very mildly religious home growing up in Canada - my parents never ever mentioned to me the idea of dating or asking a girl out or suggesting that it is something that I should do - just modeling it as a normal part of growing up. It was only ever in a teasing way by siblings saying things like "nah nah nah na nah you have a cruuuus…
/r/seduction10/05/26 05:48 PM
2

This is actually pretty good. If nothing else happens - you are creating a fun and memorable night for yourself and those around you regardless of the outcome.
/r/seduction01/05/26 01:11 PM
3

Thanks for the words, man. I agree that the "mental load" thing is a bit of an eye-roller. I look at it as a symptom of her mental state rather than a literal list of mental chores. It means she is feeling alone in the marriage. If I could rewind to the first time I heard my ex mention the mental load and suddenly take all of that off of her plate I do wonder if it would have changed anything. Something to keep in mind for next time I guess
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 01:37 AM
4

I am 50 percent to balme for sure. It was complete unawareness on my part - which is not an excuse of course but just context. I didnt "lead" enough in the relationship. I am more of a "plan for the weekend on Thursday night" guy and she was a "plan for the weekend a month in advance" person so I never felt I had the space to make plans like that. She had a wider social net and so ended up eventually doing most of the social planning. I have a big family so a lot of the planning I would do would…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 07:19 PM
1

That's a reasonable take. I would even add to the end that after you do all of the work and reflect and heal - it is ok to stay solo. Depending on where you are in life it is a perfectly fine way to live! You don't need to date!
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 06:53 PM
2

I agree with setting goals, and also the power of manifestation. After my wife left - I reframed my life by writing out goals of things I was going to do that I couldn't do when I was married / things I always wanted to do (e.g get a boat and go sailing, max out my RRSPs, buy an income property), and generally describe what I wanted my life to look like. Reclaiming power and agency over your own life by creating a vision for your future can be such a great way to move out of the feeling of float…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 10:32 AM
1

A big part of charisma is how you make people feel when they are around you, and practically speaking, I think this boils down to two parts: 1. How you carry yourself:. Be confident. So you could take dance classes or improv classes or toastmasters to get over any jitters wrt being the center of attention. Because that is part of it - you need to be able to hold a room. Tell a joke, Or a story. Become unafraid of anyone. How you care for others: Make them feel seen, comfortable, appreciated. So …
/r/seduction16/04/26 10:19 PM
2

I believe OP means that he went to the subreddit r/divorce_women to give kindness and was treated like a creeper
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 01:17 PM
4

To answer the question directly - no the divorce was absolutely not my fault. My ex made the decision on her own that she wanted a divorce. Had she not made that decision when and how she did - I am certain that we would still be together. She uttered the words - not me. She made the decision to leave the marriage, start seeing a co-worker and move out. Those are all actions she took.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 08:05 PM
2

The comments about creating a fun vibe are spot on. I like to think of it as "the world is a party and you are the host". Just picture going to a party where you only really know the guy hosting it. When you get there - he sees you, points at you and says to his friend "oh you gotta meet this guy". He comes over, gives you a big hug. Tells you a joke. Introduces you to all of his friends. Gets you a drink. You feel seen, heard, understood and looked after. Just be that guy wherever you go. Prete…
/r/seduction10/04/26 10:28 PM
2

Dude that sounds a lot like my story as well. Also 7 years, forever home, kids, a truly peaceful life - all inexplicably thrown away over the course of 6 months. even though I am two years out from separation - I guess I'm just not done grieving that past life yet.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 04:35 PM
7

Relationships can be a lot of work, and it is hard to make space for it in your life once you factor in kids, career, hobbies, friends, family. With kids being the big differentiator post-divorce. Being married was nice when at that point where you are both so comfortable and in-tune with your daily life - able to go on dates from time to time while also feeling like you were building a life with someone. Being able to come home from a busy day and cook with someone and then enjoy an evening of …
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 12:49 PM
5

I remember that grief well. Hang in there, brother. Nearly every one in this sub has gone down this path and felt the crush of being blindsided. So we see you and hear you.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 12:11 PM
7

Same. I never knew the sub existed until I needed it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/26 08:50 PM
2

This is great, practical advice anyone can implement in their own way. The 'aesthetic' one is interesting to me as I sometimes struggle with how to look good without looking totally generic. I think that if done right it also lets you "wear your interests on your sleeve" to a certain degree which will help with conversation and more naturally attracting like-minded people. Learning to flirt/tease really well is, IMO, the pinnacle of social functioning. It means you can read someone and communica…
/r/seduction02/04/26 12:02 PM
2

You have lots of time to recover and the bonus of having an abundance of women in your dating range (let's say 28-38) who are also looking to settle down and start a family. if you meet someone in the next two years, and then are together for 2 years before being sure that you want to start a family - that could put you at 38 when the baby is born which is still young! So you're good my man. Keep focused on the mission. Maybe go to therapy and reflect a lot on what you want in a future partner a…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 11:43 AM
5

Anyone who has had a truly successful reconciliation is likely not lurking around r/Divorce_Men
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 03:56 PM
7

For me? It was the latter two. I work in tech and make great money. She works and does ok - well enough that she has no problem supporting herself. So money wasnt the issue. But our interests kind of diverged and after our kid was born our sex life and just generally the romance between us kind of stopped as we focused on parenting. Then along came a new coworker who she really connected with....
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 01:18 PM
2

Not corny at all - that's actually good advice. We can only control our words, thoughts and actions. Choosing what you think about is incredibly powerful!
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 02:42 PM
1

I find it hardest for the first few hours after my daughter goes with her. Then it is just me - alone - and I find myself reflecting on what went wrong and what I could have done differently. The grief stopping by for a visit.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 11:52 AM
15

It is ok to be single and happy. Do you feel as though you have a full life? If so then just live your life and if someone comes along - great. But no need to seek it out if it isn't going to change your life in any meaningfully good way.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 10:17 AM
12

Fake it till you make it bro. I didn't really lose my virginity until I was 23 but never mentioned it to the girl I was with because I didn't want it to be a "thing". Just be safe, have fun and don't mention if it is your 1st or 1000th time doing it.
/r/seduction21/03/26 02:12 PM
3

Same same. I still feel grief sometimes when thinking about how my ex decided to break up our family. I am in the same boat as you where I'm not all that interested in sex and between being a busy dad/co-parent to our daughter, work, friends - I don't really see how dating fits into my life. But I kind of want more kids. But I kind of enjoy the peace and free time I have. But I am 43 and starting over with a new wife and kids seems daunting at this age. So I'm pretty unsure about the direction I…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/26 12:30 PM
2

That is so true. I carry a lot of grief still around my marriage ending and referring to her as my ex-wife causes (a) me to be reminded of the past and (b) people give a pitying response like "sorry to hear about that". I don't like either of those so "daughter's mother" avoids both of those situations.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 02:52 PM
8

The moment we became "separated" I started referring to her as my ex. I now usually refer to her as my daughter's mother as the only time I really interact with her or talk about her is over co-parenting things.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 12:35 AM
4

I could not have said it better myself. This was exactly my experience and 100 percent the way to go if it aligns with your situation.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 05:28 PM
1

This is good advice. I like the mantra of "be self-amused". If you can curate interactions where you have fun (you create your own fun) then others will also have fun too and you'll be a fun person. Because you can be fun without being funny. And even if you are not interesting - you can still be interested. And so if you are both fun and interested then people will want to share things with you and that is how experiences are born. And then those experiences make you interesting. My two cents a…
/r/seduction12/03/26 11:40 PM
12

I feel for you brother. Similar situation here. My ex and I had a great relationship, tried to have a second child, she ended up needing a procedure due to a blockage preventing pregnancy. After that was done she had a family member pass away and the "light switch" flipped for her: she became distant and 6mo later asked for a divorce. I don't know if it was hormonal changes from the procedure, the death or the coworker who she started to have a crush on - but our 10 years together ended very qui…
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 10:05 PM
1

Yeah there is a guy on tiktok who does these "hoe math" drawings that explain this quite well
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 06:24 PM
1

Haha can you elaborate? I have never dated a FAANG engineer but work in the tech space and haven't run into this.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 06:24 PM
2

I agree with your reading recommendations and studying PUAs. I get downvoted to hell whenever I suggest this because people misunderstand and think I'm suggesting that you should become a PUA. Or people misunderstand and think I'm promoting PUAs. Or people mistakenly think that the point is to mislead and manipulate someone into sleeping with you. But really it is about developing the social skills to make people feel at-ease around you, open up and be more social with people, and how to convey,…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 04:52 PM
1

I think it comes down to a difference between honesty and mindset. You should be honest with the girl for sure. But at the same time have an abundance/king mindset. That way if she doesn't want what you want - no problem - that will just roll off your back and you will be on to the next one. Remember that YOU are the prize.
/r/seduction04/03/26 02:13 PM
3

Did you find that it went into overdrive when her mom died? My ex and I had a great relationship until her aunt died. Then it was as if a switch flipped in her brain and she suddenly she wanted nothing to do with me - she became distant and started lashing out at seemingly minor things. Then she became 'close' with one of her coworkers. It seemed like misdirected grief, or a mid-life crisis - but whatever it was it ended up destroying our marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 01:07 PM
10

YEP its one of the "four horsemen of relationships" according to John Gottman. Once she gets to the "I hate his fucking face" stage there is no coming back.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 01:01 PM
5

I would just say that the government doesn't need to be involved in your love. You should love each other, have a ceremony to celebrate it, call yourself husband and wife - just don't get legally married. Choose each other every day. And if it doesn't work out - it is much easier to walk away.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 10:22 AM
3

In a way they are. Much in the same way that marriage is a social construct - so too is divorce. So if your wife is socializing with women who are pro-divorce and complain about their husbands - she eventually will as well. If your wife is not deeply involved with a social construct which frowns upon divorce (such as most religions) - then she will see fewer social consequences from ending it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 06:48 PM
5

Was she my ex's therapist? LOL. That is pretty much how my marriage ended - my ex going to a therapist because she was feeling "unengaged" and the therapist convincing her to leave me for her coworker.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 12:14 PM
2

Agreed. And i think a lot of us get stuck at "can you make me laugh" as being a comedian is a rare thing. I for one suck at telling jokes. And so if i just try to get a laugh it always falls flat. Just not my thing and I'm not alone there. But can i look someone in the eye, have enthusiasm, tell a fun story or suggest something fun? Yes, yes I can. You can be fun without being funny. Just share things with people (stories, experiences, gifts), try and lift them up and give them attention. Give i…
/r/seduction22/01/26 03:14 AM
9

This ties into the concept of inner game and the general principle of "be self amused". So if you want to be more light and easy - get in touch with what makes you laugh and share it with whoever you're with. At a restaurant? Maybe bring up a story you find funny about a weird experience you had. Just an example but that is the general idea - you can be more playful and fun by getting in touch with the things that you find funny and fun. One time a buddy of mine was having a bachelor party and i…
/r/seduction21/01/26 08:47 PM
2

Totally agree. Yell, scream and cry at us here in this sub so that you can be stone-cold and calculated with the divorce. It sucks but we're here for ya!
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/26 10:43 PM
2

Was the course online or in person? I'm interested if there is anything you can share.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 12:35 PM
6

I was married for 7 years and with that woman for 10 years and feel it was the best 10 years of my life. There is nothing quite like the feeling of building a life together with someone.
/r/seduction08/01/26 04:00 AM
15

I assume any post longer than what you could write on a quick trip to the bathroom must be AI. Even buddy's response looks like AI. It's so hard to tell now.
/r/seduction07/01/26 11:30 AM
1

Well that's good that there is zero chance of that happening. I thought the same thing about my ex and was completely blindsided when she asked to separate. It seems to be a common way for these things to happen. But yeah in this sub I basically feel like the Steve Buscemi meme "Hello fellow youths - how does one flirt?"
/r/seduction06/01/26 11:18 PM
3

I get it. I am also in my 40s and separated. It sounds like you and your wife truly love being parents and maintaining a stable "family unit" for your kids. It also sounds like you would prefer to stay discreet with dating so that it doesn't bring any drama into your home life (e.g. Having a girlfriend and wife getting jealous of each other, having kids find out you have a girlfriend, ETC...) and it also sounds like your time and availability are limited for being a boyfriend (e.g. You have a bu…
/r/seduction04/01/26 01:11 PM
7

I understand that the rationale for CS is so that the child can have a reasonably comparable quality of life with each parent. So if dad makes 120k per year and mom only makes 50k per year - the child wont end up favoring dad since dad is able to provide a nicer home and life. Alimony is so that if the wife gave up earning money and a career in order to have kids "for the marriage" then there is some form of compensation that the husband needs to provide. This isn't the 1950s anymore so both par…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 02:04 PM
4

I agree. The "ah ha" moment for me was realizing that forgiveness and moving-on are two different things. My life can have peace, and I can be kind to my ex and create a world where my kid thrives - but it does not mean that she is forgiven. She never will be and I won't lose any more sleep over it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 08:09 PM
0

Happy new year! Love the energy!
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 10:20 PM
7

Just remember that moving on isn't the same as forgiveness. You can get over it and move on and that doesn't mean that you need to forgive your ex for anything.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 08:43 PM
6

I believe this. Unlike nearly all other species of mammal, human babies are kind of useless until they are about 4 or 5 years old. Baby elephants are born ready to walk but for humans that takes a couple of years. So some biologists believe we developed emotional bonding because it increases the chances of the baby thriving. Anyway, once the youngest baby is about 4 or 5 maybe that can signal to a woman in a very ancient way that she no longer needs the husband to ensure the survival of her and …
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 02:29 PM
3

Are you wearing a condom? That has been my struggle. I was in a relationship for 10 years and only wore a condom maybe the first time I was with my ex. Fast-forward to this summer and I'm getting hot and heavy with a new girl - really into it - but as soon as I put on a condom I could feel myself starting to get soft. I had even taken Cialis beforehand! I need to re-train my brain and body for condom usage LOL...
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 08:29 PM
9

That's it. It helped me to know that there is a wide gap between acceptance and forgiveness. You can find peace in your life, live well for your kids and be amicable with your ex from a place of acceptance while still keeping everything she did as unforgiven.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 11:36 AM
2

My ex asked for divorce in early December 2023. It was the worst XMAS as we hadn't told anyone and had to fake our way through the holidays. I was blindsided by it all and was a total wreck. It was the worst time of my life - absolutely no contest. Last Xmas I was living in a 200SQFT rental, but at least I did have my daughter for xmas eve and half of xmas day. This year will be the first year I don't get to wake up with her on Christmas morning and experience the magic with her, so that feels d…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 06:00 PM
278

I agree. This sub is turning into "dead Internet theory" - AI posts being commented on by AI bots.
/r/seduction09/12/25 11:06 AM
7

This 100%. It sounds like she never took accountability for anything in the breakdown of their marriage and still doesn't want to take responsibility for any action as shown by putting the onus on OP to "come over and say hi".
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 09:59 AM
8

"I've moved on. That is not the same as forgiveness" spot. On.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 09:51 AM
73

Is this sub becoming AI dead-internet?
/r/seduction28/10/25 01:57 PM
3

"I dOn'T kNoW WhAT Id Do wiThoUt tHe aDvIce oF mY fRiEnDs"
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 10:35 AM
7

I'm (43M) there with you. I briefly dated a few ladies over the summer and learned that having a relationship is not a priority for me as my life is busy enough with dad stuff, hobbies, work and friends. It's totally ok to be single and prioritize yourself. You've just been through the wringer and need time to heal.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 10:16 AM
4

Totally agree! I dated a couple of ladies over the summer and received the same feedback from each - they wanted more from me in terms of frequency of dates, availability etc. Between parenting, job, friends and hobbies I realized that dating was something I am just not willing, able or interested in prioritizing. Oh well - monk mode for this guy unless some sort of FWB situation finds me 🤷‍♂️
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 10:31 AM
8

Well said. I also tried to save mine but like so many others - by the time she dropped the bomb she was already planning her life with her coworker-turned-boyfriend. But I don't look back now and wonder " what if I tried harder ".
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 11:11 PM
6

Your story sounds a lot like mine. I was also with my ex for 10 years, married for 7, and spent the last couple of years focused on career and didn't really understand that emotional disconnection was happening as it wasn't anything she ever voiced to me. But also our situations are similar in that she didn't initiate separation until another guy was in the picture. I don't have any advice other than to say I relate to you, and the deep grief that you feel. Although I have an amicable relationsh…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 11:41 AM
5

Do you know of any men who have done surrogacy as a single man? I wanted more children than the one that my ex and I have, but I don't want to get married again. Logistically being a single dad with an infant would be tough but it sounds like an interesting idea.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 11:07 AM
3

Yeah. I would say that certainly for the first 4 months after my ex dropped the bomb I was in a crisis state. Constant, inescapable anxiety. I could not focus on anything or keep details straight. It was the absolute worst time of my life. You'll get through this too.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 08:07 PM
3

yeah that happened to me too. For me it was the idea that she chose another man over me and that made me feel unworthy, humiliated, emasculated - you name it. The end result was that I felt unable to be sexual and completely uninterested in pursuing any sort of new relationship. I'm still working through the grief of it all (and it is a process - it's coming up on 2 years) but am making progress (had a few good hookups this summer). All that to say - these things take time. You are not in a rush…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 02:42 PM
12

In a word....yes. My ex recently introduced her AP (now boyfriend) to our daughter and I had to figure out if I needed to meet this guy or not since he will be around my daughter. The group here helped me realize the following: I do not like this guy so meeting him would have no positive outcome for anyone I do not need to meet him as the decisions my ex makes when she has our daughter are her decisions to make and I have no say in them (and vice versa) If I did meet him....then what? It would n…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/25 09:58 PM
11

I very very recently went through this as well. You can't control who your ex brings around your kid, so all that will happen if you stick your nose in it is that you will get triggered. So for your own mental health you should keep out of it. Just learn enough to know your kid is safe. This can change over time as your feelings change too.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 10:53 PM
5

I have read about this too. It's called "abundance mindset". Realizing that there are 8 billion people in earth so really there are lots of eligible women out there if that's what you're out for. Though I think the hurt goes deeper than just "I wish I had someone to sleep with" - knowing your ex has moved on is a reminder of the betrayal of someone you thought was your ride-or-die for life. Someone who promised to be with you through thick and thin. And a reminder of the life you thought you wer…
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/25 12:53 PM
1

Thank you. You are right - it is all my feelings. I reached out here to get some perspective because i couldn't see clearly through the mush of feelings going on inside me. I appreciate your perspective.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/25 01:53 AM
3

Thank you. I am finding this tough to navigate but your words have helped.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 09:43 PM
4

You're right. Thank you for telling me what I needed to hear. I do trust my ex to be a good mother. I can't control how she parents when my daughter is with her. I do need to make sure she will be safe though. What questions would you ask if you were in my shoes?
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 09:40 PM
3

Yessir. When I was living with my ex I would get extremely triggered every time she would bring up any topic related to separation logistics. I was blindsided by her wanting a divorce and how quickly she moved on so that stage was notably difficult for me. Worst time of my life (so far) when I think about it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 09:11 PM
3

A lot of us here are pretty jaded from going through rough divorces but really it sounds like your case could be different. If neither of you have dropped the big 'D' - it sounds like you both acknowledge that there is a gap in communicating and feeling 'seen, heard and appreciated' by the other. I would say you should start couples/marriage counseling to see if your issues can be resolved. Find a good counselor - it won't necessarily be the first one you try. The hardest part about divorce for …
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/25 05:10 AM
1

I can relate to this. I am in my 40s and I would say that throughout a lot of my 20s and even early 30s I had no problems getting women who weren't all that interesting to me, and had a hard time finding/getting women who I really clicked with on every level. It may have boiled down to a value differential where the women who I could get saw a lot more value in me than I did in them. This may sound a bit cocky but I was better looking, more social and had more status than them so I had a higher …
/r/seduction12/07/25 12:45 AM
7

I second this. The trauma of divorce has left me with no desire to date. But some company and physicality is nice every now and then.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 01:14 AM
1

Haha easier said than done! Last time i was dating I was like 31 and the market was....everyone. Women were everywhere and in that 25-30 age group where they wanna date you. It was glorious! Now I am 43, living in the burbs, have a kid and so the demographic of available women is....different now. Not a bad suggestion though. As they say the easiest way to get over someone is to get under someone else.....!!
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 11:18 AM
1

I'm sorry to hear that! Do you and your STBXW know you're splitting but haven't broken the news to others and are "faking it" ? I remember that time and how hard it was.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 11:08 AM
2

Sorry to hear that. My ex broke the news to me at the start of Dec 2023 so I know the feeling. Were you totally blindsided by it or did you see it coming?
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 11:03 AM
2

It's those small moments you mention - losing those is where it hurts the most. I do wonder if things get better or is that was just a perfect window of the peak of my life to forever look back upon? Sorry you are also feeling this .
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 03:41 PM
10

Thanks brother. I'm having a rough time today and this cheered me up.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 03:29 PM
17

Ok I get it with the baldness example. Can you explain to me how I can lean-in to bragging about my man-boobs?
/r/seduction25/06/25 01:38 PM
3

I was in the same situation as you. I had (and still have at 43) sexual anxiety my whole adult life (at least since I was 21). For me, using Cialis absolutely solved it. It is the initial nervousness that you are feeling. It may go away over time, but can also come back periodically. I bought a pill splitter and chopped up some Cialis so that I could take less and less as I became more confident and less nervous, to the point where I wouldn't need it anymore. That way I could Gauge my 'dose' bas…
/r/seduction11/06/25 10:33 AM
6

Dude I am also 43 and a post-divorce dad. Honestly I have found this sub super useful in figuring out some basics of how to get back in to dating, cultivate attraction, what frame is and generally getting a better understanding of the psychology of attraction. After 10 years of being a married guy and dad (still am dad of course) - I felt kind of lost in terms of how to even talk to women again. This sub has been super helpful.
/r/seduction09/06/25 01:13 AM
13

Decision-making autonomy has been huge for me. I bought two rental properties earlier this year somewhat on a whim. That never would have happened when I was married as my ex is much more risk averse than I am. Being able to make these sorts of decisions at my own speed and be accountable only to myself is such a great feeling. And time for my hobbies. My ex would get mad when I would spend time working on my boat. Now I just do that when I want and have no one getting pissy about it!
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 12:53 AM
1

You are normal. I have had the same issues since I was 21. I believe that taking Cialis is the right thing to do because the ED issue is a vicious-cycle where you will continue to be nervous and have ED until you become comfortable enough with sex that you no longer get nervous about it. That will happen over time and through experience. And as you become more comfortable you can take less and less Cialis until you don't need it anymore. I recommend always keeping some as "backup" as nervousness…
/r/seduction23/05/25 09:52 PM
9

Dude you got it! "Elevate them" is right!! I think a lot of us go through life waiting to be noticed or acknowledged - for someone to make us feel seen. And it feels great when it happens. So if you are able to bring that to your own interactions - elevate those who you see! Pump them up!
/r/seduction16/05/25 01:40 AM
37

I don't know him so I can't describe him, but I will say that charisma often has to do with how others feel when you interact with them. If you can make people feel seen, heard and appreciated it goes a long way. The loud charismatic party guy? He sees you and wants you to come over and have fun with him. He makes you feel like YOU are awesome to be around and that he genuinely enjoys your company. You feel appreciated around them. There are some good studies on Obama's charisma that reinforce t…
/r/seduction16/05/25 01:01 AM
1

I'm about 18 months post blindside. I spent the first two months chasing and "Trying to win her back" which in hindsight I now know was completely pointless. It was awful. Easily the worst, most difficult time in my life. For me, the corner really turned once my ex moved out of our house, as that is when I felt I could start to build my own life. But that last day, seeing her with all of her things and half of our furniture packed - it was devastatingly sad. I booked a hotel room and got out of …
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 12:49 AM
1

Same. My ex moved out just over a year ago and I am still in that "limbo" feeling. I do have a daughter who i love and live for. But I always wanted to have a big family though, and before my ex pulled the chute - that is what we were building toward. And so there is a part of me that is still trying to come to grips with the fact that that isn't going to happen. I'm almost 43 and feel like it's too late to have more kids. And i find it so hard to meet and date women that there isn't a clear pat…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 10:09 PM
15

Nah. Take your victim-blaming attitude elsewhere. He's looking for help through a super dark time in his life.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 08:29 PM
3

Same. Everything you say is the exact same as what I experienced. The hostility - re-writing the history of our marriage to paint me as unsupportive and that I didn't do enough. It was such a sudden change like a switch flipped. But after I found out that she was secretly seeing a co-worker - she would admit to things where I had direct evidence, but even still she would not confess anything outside of that even though I have a very good idea that things were going on much longer. For her - the …
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 11:07 AM
1

I think that the point they are trying to make is that if you look like Timothy Chalomet but socially are like a deer in the headlights then you are going to fail, or, more accurately, won't have the work done for you automatically. There is a strong component tied to your ability to have a charming and attractive personality.
/r/seduction06/04/25 04:40 PM
3

Thanks! I am looking forward to the move as it will feel like a fresh start to my new life ha. Learning DIY handy skills is fun once you get over the analysis paralysis. YouTube is super helpful. And just not being afraid to fail. My ex father in law is a contractor and was super helpful with teaching me how to do a lot of DIY house projects. But I found at the start i would just get stuck for hours watching youtube videos on how to do the thing, instead of just doing the thing and figuring it o…
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 04:21 AM
3

That's great that you get to keep the house! We sold our house last summer - it was just way too much house for just me and my daughter. My ex and I had bought it in 2022 with the assumption that we were going to have more kids. But then after some years of infertility issues and marriage ending it just didn't make sense for me to have this big, empty, expensive house. It also made the division of assets simpler for me. So I've been renting for the past seven months but just bought a house this …
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 02:35 AM
5

I have been doing 2-2-3 the past year and it has been alright. If you have found yourself neglecting your own hobbies and interests while being married then the days without your kids provide an opportunity to reconnect with yourself in that way. But the loss of the family unit is a real bit of grief to carry. Good for you for being aware of the kind of dad you want to be and taking action in that direction. You will still provide a happy home for your girls and of course you will always be dad.…
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 02:10 AM
7

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It really is hell. We're all here for you. My ex moved out of the house one year ago. It was rough. Still is some days. My ex is planning on introducing her AP to our daughter soon. I really don't like it but there is nothing I can do about it. I can't control her actions. I can only imagine how hard it is for you knowing that her AP is going to become a person in her life. It will probably feel like a weight has lifted once your SRBX has moved out though…
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 01:19 AM
2

I hear ya on the FWB part. I don't have much free time, nor do I have much "game", so the idea of having to put in time and effort to have a FWB sounds exhausting to me. But I am thinking seriously about hiring an escort just to "scratch that itch". In many ways it would be like a form of "exposure therapy" and may help with my healing (at least that's what I tell myself).
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 11:59 PM
4

I'm hear with you. also having a down day today. My ex and I have been separated for a little over a year now. It's so tough when those memories come up. Of the good times and of being a solid family unit. I have heard that the grief will always be there - it comes and goes with some days being good and others being not good. Just keep on putting one foot in front of the other. That's how I'm trying to deal with it today - just stay busy and try to take my mind off of it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 05:13 PM
2

This is healthy. Your child will grow up with so much less divorce trauma if they are able to see two mature stable adults who are able to both be there for their kid and work together for their child's best interests.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 11:58 AM
3

The best you can do now is lead the divorce and set the terms. If you are able to maintain an amicable relationship with your stbx then that is the best route (even though you may feel a lot of betrayal and anger) as it will help minimize the likelihood of her getting very aggressive with her lawyer. By all means talk to a lawyer. But if you can come to an agreement with her about how everything will be divided (including parenting time) then it will save you a lot of money and likely make thing…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/25 12:35 PM
3

Geez dude I'm sorry to hear that. What a rough go - especially if you had wanted to start a family. What absolute betrayal. You most certainly don't deserve that.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 03:54 AM
1

Woah.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/25 12:00 AM
4

Same, brother. I felt like things were split evenly in terms of domestic responsibilities, but in her mind she felt like she was carrying "100% of the mental load". Which..it wasn't - but as others point out, Women will follow their feelings and make decisions based on what they FEEL, regardless of reality. Anyway, a lesson learned the hard way I guess.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 11:59 PM
8

Jesus it's like you had a video camera watching my marriage fall apart this is so accurate. It's so funny how they all follow this same pattern.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/25 11:52 PM
2

I hear you brother. Been there - quite a similar situation believe it or not. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and be the best dad to your kid. Document everything she does/did. And fight for custody and everything you can get. We're here for you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 03:07 PM
2

Sex is just as psychological as it is physiological. If you are able to get an erection and masturbate when by yourself then the physiological elements are probably fine and your issue may be psychological. Though, as others have said - get your physical self checked out by a doctor. I have dealt with performance anxiety and nervousness preventing me from getting hard with beautiful women basically my whole life (started when I was 21), so I get the feeling of depression and hopelessness. Societ…
/r/seduction19/01/25 02:10 PM
3

Can confirm. Make sure you look at the actual numbers yourself though! I hadn't had morning wood in years. Then I got blood work done. My doctor told me everything was in the 'normal range' so i didn't think anything of it until I looked at the data for myself. The range that they use for normal here (Canada) is 8-29 nmol/ml and my T level was at 8.7 so pretty close to the bottom end of normal (and considered medically low in other countries). I have since hopped on TRT and...problem solved!
/r/seduction19/01/25 01:55 PM
4

It sounds like you are making a positive step toward your new life. One foot in front of the other, brother. Staying in the house, after she's been gone and waiting for it to be sold can feel like you are stuck in limbo - just waiting for it. But it sounds like you are moving ahead, which must feel good on some level. Did you sell so that you are better able to split the asset value? Is that also bringing you some relief?
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 07:44 PM
3

I am glad to hear you have lots of time with your boys. And it sounds like you are drawing a good boundary around how much of your time you are willing to give your ex. Good for you for sticking up for yourself. I find that very hard to do. My ex is friendly with me and whenever I talk to her I find part of me wants to let my guard down. I am probably too friendly back to her especially after what she did.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 11:40 PM
3

Honestly that has been the hardest part for me too. Just someone to share your day with, the ups and downs of life, etc. And your kid(s) having one place to call home....
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 11:33 PM
2

That is true abundance mindset. What have you found to be the top 3 things to become a "guy who women compete for"?
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 11:27 PM
9

Honestly watching the video OP posted was helpful. The whole "she paints you as the villain in her story because otherwise she would need to be the villain" was a lightbulb moment for me.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 08:37 PM
2

Sorry to hear that brother. That shit stings. I can't imagine the hurt you must have felt when she pulled the rug when your youngest was born. Stay strong. We're all here for ya.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 08:35 PM
11

Stay strong my man. My partner of 10 years (wife for 7) also fell out of love seemingly overnight after her aunt passed away suddenly. It felt like grief-projection or a midlife crisis. But anyway It was like a switch flipped and 6 months later she dropped the bomb on me. This shit is hard. Glad you are seeing some healing.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 06:47 PM
4

It's funny how that happens. Mine also started hanging out with friends who were divorced / divorcing which also made it very easy for her to get into that mindset that divorce is the right answer. In the same way that marriage is a social construct, so is divorce. So if it is normalized and encouraged as "what you should do" in a peer/social group then it makes sense to see that mindset adopted, as we see with our exes hanging with their "wine drinking pro-divorce" friends... In the town where …
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 10:34 PM
7

You are a fucking king and you got this. Hit the gym. (Same boat brother - I'm 12 months out and co-parenting our 6yo girl. I know how you feel.)
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 08:47 PM
3

I know what you mean. It is well understood that most of our core beliefs about the way that we live are life are ingrained into us from our parents. So behavior as you describe would have been observed and accepted by your ex and formed part of her world view. I had a similar thing happen with my ex. Her parents are still together but her mom had started confiding in her about how she was depressed and wanted to leave her father, as she didn't feel like she got enough attention from him and did…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 08:40 PM
37

Yeah I left that subreddit and joined this one because I needed that support of other men going through divorce who understand this perspective. And I found it somewhat triggering to read post after post from women in seemingly fine marriages who wanted to blow it all up after finding a connection with a co-worker or "feeling out of love for a few months".
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 06:26 PM
2

"how you carry yourself" and "how you treat others" fall into the social skills buckets. And in the different categories mentioned (looks, health, social skills, status) someone can be attractive by being strong in some of those areas and weak in others. But total incompetence or maliciousness in one of those categories will totally kill attraction. Professional athletes are typically exceptionally attractive because they excel in each of those categories. But plenty of ugly-but-charismatic dude…
/r/seduction04/01/25 12:59 AM
2

Cheers to that. I feel quite similar. Physical intimacy is overrated and in general the juice ain't worth the squeeze.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 06:11 PM
9

I get you. I have been separated 1 year (going go get official divorce paperwork going this month) and have gone on like 2 dates. I just don't feel like I have the time or space in my life to date someone while also ensuring that I'm present for my daughter, career, friends, family and hobbies. And the thought of having to carve out the time to get to know someone new, their hopes, dreams, friends, baggage, etc... just seems so burdensome and uninteresting to me. I haven't had sex in over a year…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/25 05:54 PM
3

This is correct from my experience and so many others here. It is hard to wrap your brain around it at first, but you need to start looking out for yourself and your kid first. You may have spent many years thinking selflessly about your wife first but that needs to stop now. Protect yourself and get your ducks in a row. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 03:16 PM
4

Yep. Social proof. If buddy thinks you're cool if gives her proof that you're cool which will help. Bro code. Shouldn't approach her if she is with a dude. They may not be a couple but maybe he's working on that with her? Maybe not? But become friends with both so you can better gauge the vibe.
/r/seduction30/12/24 08:23 PM
4

That is my recommendation as well. There is a saying in this sub along the lines of "your wife doesn't divorce you because she has fallen out of love - she divorces you because she has met someone new". If you are able, do the following: 1. Keep things amicable. Fake it and bite your lip. She will be willing to give up more if you are on good terms. It will also potentially save you a literal fortune if you are able to agree on division of assets and parenting time without needing courts and law…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 02:06 PM
2

Cheers to that. As soon as I accepted that it was over I drafted a separation agreement and decided how assets should be split. Got that shit Notarized since I am in Canada where you need to be separated for a year before you can file. Lots of people get taken to the cleaners and I did not want to be one of them.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 04:24 PM
3

Cheers to this. This was also my first Christmas co-parenting / sharing-time with my little one. I had been dreading it all year. But you know what? It was actually great. One day at a time, fellas.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 03:20 PM
1

I joined one of those "save your marriage" programs. It covered a lot of relationship theory, which was helpful to point out the things I had neglected in our relationship (building and maintaining emotional connection, leading, etc....) likely leading to the breakdown. It wasn't helpful in fixing anything but gave me perspective and certainly an understanding of where I will need to do better next time I am in a long term relationship (this guy is never getting married again). But part of the p…
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 03:15 PM
15

Last year just before Christmas was when my now ex told me she wanted to split. I think back to the constant pain, anxiety, heartache and uncertainty of that time and trying to hold it together and appear normal and happy at Christmas time knowing it was all about to end - it was very much the worst time of my life. So although this is my first Christmas without her - I have my daughter, my health and both of my parents. I feel very fortunate and blessed. I recognize this is not the case for eve…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 07:10 PM
3

First for me as well. Last year I had to fake being happy as my wife had just dropped the bomb a couple of weeks earlier. For me anything is better than that. Hang in there and be the world's best dad when you do get to see your little. The day is just a day. Make memories with her and she'll cherish them forever. Nobody loves you the way that she loves you. And nobody can love her the way that you do. You got this. And everyone in this sub is here for you when you feel like you don't.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 03:33 PM
3

Big time. I drop her off to school in the morning on transition days (we are 50/50 on 2-2-3 schedule) so I hit the gym after dropoff to work through it. But it's tough. Especially this time of year. This will be our first Christmas co-parenting and it is killing me not being together as a family unit.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 08:24 PM
2

right? My ex and I were together for 10 years and had always planned to have 3 kids. We had one kid, ran into fertility issues trying to make the 2nd. Then she had a mid-life crisis, caught feelings for a co-worker and abruptly ended our marriage. So there is still that part of me that wants to build a family. Be hubby. But finding the right person, going on dates....meeting their friends and family, blah blah blah blah blah I just can't. I just want to jump ahead to that point where we're takin…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 08:19 PM
6

There is a great Liz Lemon scene from 30 rock that captures this well: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMk2j9txo/ "I just really wish I could start a relationship twelve years in - where you really don't have to try anymore; you can sit around together and goof on tv shows, and then go to bed together without anyone trying any funny business". I want that.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 03:49 PM
1

Agreed. I am just in full on monk mode now. Being a good dad to my 6yo and being good to myself leave no free time to date. The thought of having to take the time to get to know a girlfriend and carve that into my schedule sounds super unappealing to me at the moment so I'm steering clear of it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 10:26 PM
1

yeah. And you can dive deeper into it too..... Men tend to stay with a job as long as it is providing them the following: (1) Social Status (2) Financial Stability (3) vision of a "future" (e.g. climbing a ladder of sorts) (4) a happy environment where they feel valued, heard and supported. If all of those are met, you stay with the job. I mean, you would be a fool not to. But start removing those one-by-one from a job and the likelihood of "looking elsewhere" starts to increase...
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 09:09 PM
15

I have heard this as "Women treat relationships the way men treat jobs" which greatly helped me understand my ex wife's lack of interest in reconciliation after she "dropped the bomb" on me; it would be like an employer trying to win back an employee who has just put in their notice. And even all of the behavior makes sense. With a job - you don't go around advertising that you're looking for a new job as you don't want to rouse the suspicion of your employer. But you process the fact that you'r…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/24 08:11 PM
4

Sending you a virtual hug, man. My ex wife dropped the bomb on me one year ago this weekend so it's been a downer for me too. I'm not military but was also married for 7 years and had it all fall apart over one year after we moved. It sucks and the grief is the shitty prize you get to keep forever. Stay strong, put one foot in front of the other and if you ever want or need to vent to an internet stranger I'm here for you.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 09:47 PM
7

To an extent that is what I feel like I am doing. I'm in Canada and need to be separated for a year before divorce can be finalized. I didn't want to split but have kept it amicable and have divided everything and agreed on coparenting arrangements all without needing a lawyer. Although we have a notarized separation agreement, I don't want to risk her getting pissed off, lawyering-up and taking me for everything I've got - so I've been biting my tongue and biding my time....
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 01:58 AM
7

Same. It's so weird isn't it? For me - I am still so hurt and sad/resentful, so I have major walls up in terms of what I will talk to her about. But it feels so comforting, familiar and easy to talk to her. And because I don't necessarily feel like that is the best thing for me - I keep our interactions limited to being co-parenting related.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 01:52 AM
2

Every good story has its embellishments. As you go about your day - reflect on interesting things you can spin into a story. Exaggerate for needed affect. Had sushi for lunch? Talk about how you came to realize it was the worst sushi you ever had. Or the best. Just exaggerate. There's a Pua term for that which i cant recall rn but that's the idea. Maybe even jot down notes. But as others have said - women love gossip and drama so just capture something interesting or make something mundane sound…
/r/seduction28/11/24 12:56 AM
4

I hear ya. The other day someone posted in r/divorce seeking validation on their choice to move on from their marriage. The OP was feeling "love but not in love with her husband" and "connecting recently with a colleague" and it became obvious that the OP was basically telling the woman's side of the common tale of the wife who cheats on her husband with a co-worker and then blows up the marriage. Anyway the OP was seeking validation on her choices but the comment section was basically everyone …
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 11:35 PM
6

My(42M) marriage of 7 years fell apart almost one year ago. When my wife said she wanted to separate I instantly became very needy/clingy and tried to "fix" the relationship - planning date nights, writing cute notes sending memes and trying to be more "thoughtful" which I realize doesn't sound super cringe on the surface but she was done with our relationship and had started secretly banging one of her co-workers so in hindsight it was super cringe of me to chase her when she clearly had no rec…
/r/seduction12/11/24 12:54 PM
10

Since my wife felt very guilty for leaving me and breaking up our family, she was very accommodating when we were negotiating our separation agreement. I made sure to get that negotiation done and notorized as soon as i could since we were amicable and she was in the fog of her affair and was willing to let me keep all of my retirement savings (i saved a lot and she did not) and simply split the proceeds from selling the house. I have not filed the final divorce order with the court yet (need to…
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 11:02 PM
1

Hahaha gotta love it when the onion posts the hard truth!
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 05:53 PM
1

The yacht club i belong to also has events. Maybe I'll check out a few more of those. I find that a lot of the club is older - in their 60s or so and I've never felt that i related to any of them very well. But good call out - I should try that. I have a Catalina 22.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 01:08 AM
2

That's great. The best rewards often come from doing things that challenge us. I'm struggling to find out what that next "thing" is for me. Is it solo travel? Do i need to plan a big trip with my daughter? I have never been one to plan big events/travel (my ex used to do all of our trip planning) and am struggling to figure out if i should do that or just chill.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 08:27 PM
2

That's so awesome. I learned to sail a few years ago but had a wife who did not like the amount of time I would spend working on my boat. This past summer i really appreciated the peace that came from knowing that i could spend as much time with that hobby as i wanted. I hope you are able to find the same peace.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 08:24 PM
2

I hear ya. I have been trying to unpack "what excites me" and it's making me realize how much a part of me has always been looking for validation and acceptance from others, as I'll think of something "exciting" that I should do and then eventually realize that it doesn't inherently excite me but, rather, i know that it would convince others that i am living an exciting life - gaining their validation and acceptance. So trying to figure out what excites me is hard. Often the most exciting things…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 08:22 PM
2

Love this. How has this changed for you since being solo? Does your approach to being the best dad look different now than it did before?
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 03:41 PM
6

I needed to read this. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 01:03 AM
0

This is how the character Eleven from Stranger Things speaks.
/r/seduction27/10/24 07:26 PM
7

I am in the middle of this. I always thought I was going to have a big family with a bunch of kids. I have one beautiful daughter who is everything. But my marriage fell apart, in part, because we were unable to conceive a second child after trying for about 3 years. COVID made it near impossible to see fertility specialists for a couple of years and by the time things were figured out - our relationship had shifted and she ended it. I am 42 now and my daughter is 6 and I just feel like it's too…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 02:16 AM
2

For real the dude should study some basic improv. He needs to learn how to receive what is being said and just "yes and". A no-stakes scenario like an improv class will help him build the muscle without feeling the pressure of anything else other than contributing to the flow.
/r/seduction20/10/24 10:18 PM
6

This has gotta be an AI post.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 04:45 AM
2

This sub is my therapy.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 10:06 AM
5

Thank you for sharing this. I could have written it myself. - right down to your wife ending things after developing feelings for a co-worker. From my experience - I think that after some time and reflection you will realize that you are lovable and deserving of love exactly as you are. Your ex deciding to let her feelings develop for her coworker is nothing you could control. The whole "keep dating your wife" thing I've always thought was somewhat problematic as it made it sound like the respon…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 10:04 PM
2

I think the reason there is usually a third-party is that once she has detached and grieved, she is somewhat ok to float by day to day in the marriage since she is still receiving some benefit from it (money, shelter, access to kids). It's only once she has then developed feelings for someone else and wants to pursue those that she then feels the need to vocalize the desire for a divorce. That's why the guy is often blindsided and she has a new "friend" so soon after the desire for divorce is re…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 11:01 AM
1

Look up "The Female Gaze" on Tiktok right now. It's basically describing peacocking. If you can cultivate a bold aesthetic and not be afraid to stand out - apparently it's viewed as attractive!
/r/seduction03/10/24 11:59 PM
2

Have you had your testosterone level checked? It declines starting in your early 30s so can start to affect things in your 40s. I (42M) had mine checked late last year and it was rather low (250 ng/dl) so I'm working on getting that addressed (on HCG with so-so results so far....probably going to add in pure test later this year). But as others have said - you can't underestimate the psychological element to this. It may be worth speaking with a sex therapist to help work through this.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 03:21 PM
1

You sound like me. My last couple of encounters with my ex were not good. And then she ended our 7 years of marriage citing "sexual incompatibility" as a major reason. Absolutely gutted my confidence. And I am also 41. It has left me feeling asexual - not at all interested in sex and I'm pretty sure that is deeply wrapped up in a (now reinforced) core feeling of shame and failure associated with sex.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 02:58 PM
3

Same. Mine had a midlife crisis triggered by the sudden death of a caregiver. It was like a switch flipped and all of a sudden she wanted to 'experience the early 20s she felt she never had' and pursue feelings she had developed for a co-worker. Was there any event or major life change that triggered the midlife crisis in your ex?
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 03:39 PM
2

Cheers to that! Very well said.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 10:35 PM
4

Your last point is one I'm struggling with the most. I always imagined having a big family with a bunch of kids ( i have one 5yo 50/50) so for a while after separation there was a part of me that wanted to find a partner with kids to make a big family unit. But now that I'm selling in to single life i just don't see myself wanting to make that happen. I'm not really over my ex and don't really have an interest in going through all of the time and effort that it takes to date, find the right part…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 10:34 PM
3

This is good advice. You need to keep dating each other and make sure you maintain a strong emotional connection. Find a babysitter and have a date night every week. It gets easy to become complacent and drift apart especially when a new baby is involved. Make sure you mend after conflict and reconnect. The other piece of advice is this: don't view the division of labor as 50/50 - view it as 100/100. If you truly feel like you are giving 100% then your partner will feel supported. A lot of marri…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 08:12 PM
1

Haha I was like "wait there is a medication that can help me read social cues? Sign me up!"
/r/seduction14/09/24 07:58 PM
1

Haha thank you! Apparently i can't read 🫠
/r/seduction14/09/24 11:11 AM
1

What medication are you taking?
/r/seduction13/09/24 10:20 AM
3

I needed to hear this. Very well put. I had never thought about how it gives her power. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 04:27 PM
5

And i think that is one of the hardest parts about this: accepting the fact that you may never receive closure on why it ended or see your ex display any remorse or demonstrate any accountability. It sucks but all of those things are out of your control. All you can do is control your own thoughts, words and actions.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/24 04:25 PM
17

I separated from my wife earlier this year (I'm 42, we were together for 10 years) and don't feel ready to date. I feel like an alien who is learning how to socialize and flirt and am not yet ready for it. So while I don't 'approach' YET I am working on my flirt/fun game and using every casual social interaction to try and make people smile, have fun or to otherwise generate attraction. I don't consider myself very quick witted or funny so when a joke or a comment really lands with someone and I…
/r/seduction22/08/24 03:23 PM
5

This is amazing. I think that knowing how to flirt like Craig Ferguson is so fundamental to making people feel seen and valued. I have always struggled with creating fun emotional conversations with anyone (not just women) and see how fundamental it is to creating a connection. Seeing examples and skills like this is 🔥🔥🔥. Thank you!!!
/r/seduction18/08/24 04:17 PM
2

Go for it, OP. I don't know how old you are or where you grew up, but chances are that you may have consciously or subconsciously repressed your bi side for years out of a societal expectation for heterosexuality. I think that often marriage forces us to create a self-identity as being 100% straight and completely repress any bi feelings and so it makes sense that following divorce these feeling will pop up to say "hi I'm back!" All good though. It's 2024 and there is a lot more bi-visibility to…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 10:02 PM
1

Do you know any resources to help with the mindset/mechanics of creating emotional conversations? I have heard this come up a few times but it hasn't clicked for me yet.
/r/seduction14/08/24 12:44 PM
1

I would love to be able to do that but I suck when it comes to (a) remembering jokes and (b) delivering with good comedic timing. How does one get good at that?
/r/seduction14/08/24 12:42 PM
2

With work and your social circle it sounds like you have both preselection and social proof working in your favour. When cold approaching you have neither of these so it inherently becomes more challenging. I would say just keep at it and you'll eventually get better results. And if you do have the opportunity to take a date to a party or somewhere that you know your social circle will be - it can be an opportunity to demonstrate preselection without looking like that is what you're trying to do…
/r/seduction09/08/24 02:55 PM
2

This right here 100%. Don't blame the women. OP You need to look at yourself in the mirror and develop the self awareness to better understand how you are perceived by others. Cultivate a Fuçkböi vibe if that is how you want to be treated.
/r/seduction08/08/24 01:26 PM
3

Same. By the time my ex mentioned separation to me - she had already mentally mourned/ended our relationship and had moved-on. So trying to save it was a lost cause. But I'm glad i at least tried because otherwise I would be left wondering for the rest of my life.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 10:19 PM
2

I'm sorry to hear that. Hopefully you can find some comfort through all of the similar stories you will hear in this sub. Women in general tend to detach from relationships in a more gradual and silent manner than men. The end result seems to be that once she mentions divorce - she has already mourned the relationship and has moved on mentally. That ends up making it impossible for the marriage to be "fixed" at that point.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 10:17 PM
2

Any time brother. One day at a time. Focus on the things you can control (your words, thoughts, actions) and accept the things you cannot control (your ex's words, thoughts, actions).
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 12:34 PM
18

No. I feel as though I tried as hard as I could to save our marriage once I knew that it was likely ending. At the end of the day a marriage can't work unless both parties want it to, and my ex did not want to even try to save it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 10:27 AM
1

Hey man. I had ED starting when I was in my early 20s too (am early 40s now). I've been there and it sucks so bad. For me, I had one experience where i got too drunk to get it up and from then on out I would get bad performance anxiety and "in my own head" which would prevent anything from working reliably whenever i got in to bed with a new woman. My doctor prescribed me Cialis and it worked like a charm. Since it lasts for 36h, you can take it before a date and it offers you a lot of flexibili…
/r/seduction31/07/24 11:22 AM
2

Agree 100%. You need to go greyrock, OP. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock She is now your legal opponent. Stop talking to her.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 01:42 PM
5

I love the comment about framing yourself as a "social scientist". It seems as though, for a lot of people, frustration arises from focusing on the "end goal" of sex or getting a number, when in reality it is more-so a process of understanding what works and what doesn't work to build attraction in various situations. If you can disassociate from yourself and view interactions as a series of social experiments where the only objective is to experiment, learn and adapt - then the frustration shou…
/r/seduction20/07/24 10:55 AM
2

Smells like cologne - leave it alone. Smells like fish - have your wish. Or something like that.....
/r/seduction08/07/24 07:50 PM
92

This made me think of this quote from when Tyrion was talking to Jon Snow in GoT: "Never forget what you are, the rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor and it can never be used to hurt you." So when you come across things that make you feel shame - that make you want to maybe hide away (such as rejection) - if you instead totally own it then it can never be used to hurt you and instead you will be able treat it like the insignificant event it likely is.
/r/seduction21/05/24 08:24 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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