Haha, yeah, I was just thinking about the sex part. What a mood killer. To have sex with the guy's parents in the next bedroom. And yikes. Hiding it for 4 months. Crazy.
Or they resent you for having ambition. Or they try to take credit for your work. Or they leech off your success... Etc. Don't date a man who has nothing to show and nothing to offer to a relationship. More likely than not, he'll just drag you down.
Well, unfortunately a degree doesn't guarantee a guy will get and hold down a decent paying job either. Plenty of men get degrees and then move home. My dating pool is non-existent. Lol. And I have pretty reasonable asks.
Article: Fewer Young Men Are in the Labor Force. More Are Living at Home For 25- to 34-year-olds, the two trends add up to a failure to launch. June 11, 2021, 3:03 AM PDT Are young men living at home because they’re not working? Or are they not working because they’re living at home? Hard to say, but either way, the trends are clear: More American males aged 25-34 are living in a parent’s home, and fewer are participating in the labor force. Here are the charts: More Young Men Are Living at Home…
Am I missing something? What's wrong with that question? It just seems like the polite way nowadays of asking what gender someone identifies with, without prying into their medical history.
I put No (except with more details) Financial and emotional cost Environmental cost Misogyny I should have mentioned how useless men are at child rearing, lol! It didn't even occur to me because I've been so done with men for such a while now. I like that the survey also takes Yes answers.
Yeah, from my understanding, pretty much. The men get a blind eye turned to the whole thing, and it's not seen as "cheating" since they're still married to the mother of their children.
Not just China unfortunately. This has spread to many parts of Asia, almost every country has a term for young, unmarried women. I've heard in Japan, women over 25 are called Christmas cakes since nobody wants them after the 25th.
Oh yes. Plus, domestic violence isn't recognized as a crime or as a reason for divorce. That's considered personal "family matters," and police won't intervene. So the government essentially forces the woman to stay in an abusive relationship for another month -- and women are most likely to get killed by their partners when they are about to leave or have just left. Which is why women are encouraged to leave marriages very quickly and without notice, to flee to a women's shelter... This one-mon…
A LVM is a LVM. Either situation with a LVM, you're fucked. A cohabiting relationship with a HVM is pointless, too. Really, the only combination that is any good is a marriage with a HVM.
Biggest one for me is that married women have shorter lifespans, and married men have longer lifespans. I mean, correlation isn't causation, but I can totally believe that marriage causes a woman to die younger from stress alone. Whereas men get emotional support and stress relief from housework and childcare, so makes sense they would live longer.
It was one of those midnight musings, so common during adulthood, when the regrets and triumphs of our lives become vibrant characters dancing in our minds. Liu Fang wrote a simple statement on Weibo that read: “What I regret most in my life is getting married and having a kid. How wonderful to just be alone!” Her post captured an increasingly common reality in China, where many people, primarily women, are questioning the institution of marriage itself. Liu, 38, has been married for seven years…
Ooh, I understand now. I don't know much about radiology so I was mistaken about the gender ratio. Nursing and teaching are like that too where the men hold the higher positions and make more money.
I'm not in radiology but I'm an engineer so fully understand, with the male dominated field and nobody taking me seriously because I'm young and pretty. I won't date somebody making less money than me too for the same reasons as you. And then I'm called a gold digger 🤣 I'm just like, you WISH you made enough that I would even look at you.
FDS has been saying what men are afraid women will embrace, which is that no man is better than a LVM. A woman will go farther on her own than weighed down by a man child.
Truth. When you've been babied your whole life, and you can't make anything of yourself, you might as well let natural selection breed your genes out of the pool.
I don't bother. I just ignore them and do what I want. I haven't got time and energy to waste arguing with someone or trying to convince them to see my side of view. Either they do or they don't, and if they don't, they've already made up their mind.
I've definitely got some college girlfriends whom I adore and am in touch with, but we don't meet up due to distance (and pandemic). As for work, I don't directly work with other women; the other woman on my team got shifted to another, and even when we were in office, she was on a different campus. So that was unfortunate. I might take you up on your offer of being friends, another friend can't hurt esp from FDS...
Really pretty! I love buying rings for myself. It also means when a man proposes to me, he's going to have to work extra hard to find something that will actually stand out in my ring collection. None of that low effort crap.
I’m starting to feel like it’s more important to focus on building quality friendships than it is to find a man. Same, except I'm terrible at making friends 😭😭
The wall is just another way for men to create a sense of desperation for women so that we lower our standards and settle for some LVM. They don't realize being single is better than being with a LVM.
That's a big yikes. I'm always grateful to be living in the age I'm living in now because, despite the awful misogyny we still face, at least I'm not married off to some old fuck popping out babies I don't want and spending my day working as a teacher, nurse, or housewife.
When I say, "have stayed over enough times," I mostly mean more often than not. It usually takes a few months of staying over almost every night of the week before I get a good idea of what someone's house habits are like. I've noticed less than that, like you said, they're good at covering up irritating habits.
It's awful. The government also has a mass propaganda machine that pushes the idea that women over 27 who are unmarried are failures. This makes women desperate to get married to LVM. Before the women are married, they're expected to contribute to their brother's house fund so that their brother can find and marry a wife. After their marriage, they're expected to contribute to the husband's house fund despite not being on the deed. On top of that, women almost never recoup their losses in a divo…
But you know what's wrong and you've taken steps to get rid of that toxicity and weight in your life. That's a huge step forward. You'll never make the same mistake again.
This is incredibly common in Asia. Women are not expected to own property but expected to contribute to a house that their name is not on. There are some good books on the phenomenon of how wealth is kept in the male bloodline and explicitly kept away from women.
When you've spent enough time with a guy and have stayed over enough times, you should know what his house habits are. Moving in just gives him a free maid or babysitter, removes an escape route if he becomes abusive, and lowers the chance of getting married, since he's already reaping the benefits that normally come with marriage.
"Gold digging" is almost always rephrased to "wants a man who can support the same quality of life without leeching off the woman" in my experience. Like, no, she doesn't want a man who makes six figures, she wants a man who makes the same as her so she doesn't have to pay for his crusty ass... That just happens to mean he's got to make six figures.
Men are the real gold diggers here, lbr. Women are like, "I don't want to live in poverty without a bed," and men scream, "Gold digger!" In the meantime, men are like, "Cook for me, clean for me, have my children, raise my children, deposit your check into my bank account that we'll call shared, have sex with me on demand, lose weight, be attractive... Of course you're not getting paid for any of it."
Yeah, liberal feminism is always just measuring women up against men's standards and catering to men's values. I find it more destructive and insidious at times, especially when coming from women, than the ham handed traditional patriarchy.
I agree. This book is really geared towards people who are addicted to porn, i.e., men, and tbqh, men don't care about the women that porn affects. Men don't care that it objectifies and destroys and exploits women. That's why I think the book goes so more into "omg limp dick" -- because that's what men care about. Their dicks.
I got my second raise of the year this week, which was +10k in base pay and +40k in other compensation. My first raise was another +$15k in base and bonus. The best part in all this is that I'm single and ain't none of that dough going to some LVM. Men don't appreciate anything anyway. FDS taught me how to handle men at work, ngl I wouldn't be where I am without this subreddit.
Yup. I have as much disdain and contempt for the men who do nothing as the ones who participate in active misogyny. A whole department of men at my internship watched three women being sexually harassed by their colleagues and told us, "we don't want to take sides." As though the sexual harassers' side was remotely legitimate to begin with!
It disgusts me how women's intuition is dismissed as being crazy and emotional. We're made to doubt ourselves when we're right 99% of the time when we have a gut feeling that something is wrong.
Fully agree. Men watch porn because the women in porn can't say no to them, are performing on demand, and have no sexual needs of their own. It's all about being "me me me NOW".
In my experience, HVM value my career and what comes with it (independence, intelligence, skills, maturity, etc) far more than looks or "fertility"... It's the LVM who focus on predating on the young.
Absolutely. I am looking into buying my own place and tbh, if I got married, I wouldn't put my spouse's name on the mortgage or title. (I plan to pay it off myself anyway, so it's not like they would be dumping money into something that's not theirs.) It's important to have a way out in any relationship in case it goes south or abusive.
I don't use it for dating. I don't date. Too busy with other stuff. FDS has seriously changed the trajectory of my career. I've become assertive, and I don't back down. I'm confident in what I know and what I don't know, and therefore am willing to learn -- too many people don't know what they don't know, and when confronted with it, get defensive. It's mostly men and their egos, I've noticed. I'm the youngest on my team and am leading one of two projects; I got promoted in less than a year, and…
I think it's possible. I can't personally say anything about it, but a lot of math, physics, and electric engineering majors do go into CS; also, my last manager did psychology in her undergrad and a software engineering master's. There are some master's programs out there that will allow anyone to enter their program as long as you've taken classes or shown proficiency in some area of CS (programming counts, I think). I know at least one teammate who doesn't have a bachelor's degree at all. A l…
It's just stock from my company, not from a lot of companies, so not too much investment involved. I don't know too much about that kind of stuff, sorry!
yes, I almost left the field for that reason :( glad I didn't though... there are some good companies out there that really do try to make sure the workplace is safe and comfortable. I actually talked to a manager the other day about one of his direct report's language, and the manager addressed it anonymously with the guy.
You have no idea how encouraging your words are to me (in CS bachelor rn and struggling with imposter syndrome and feeling like I'm not good enough every day). I want to work as soon as possible bc 90% of what we learn at uni is theoretical, I can barely code. It's so intimidating for me to think about working, on top of being a woman I will have no coding experience and am scared people will assume the worst (diversity hire/typical woman who cant code)... Fingers crossed I'll get into an intern…
Yes, I think hourly is like $45? It was a job as a junior developer at a smaller company in California (high cost of living). My job as an intern in CS was $25/hr but I know other interns who were $30/hr, and that was also at a small company. You can be paid a lot more (more than I'm paid now, lol) as an intern at a big company. Definitely aim higher than $15/hr! I think that's actually minimum wage in California and in some states now. Your questions aren't inappropriate at all! If you want mor…
yes!! So glad you made it... the sexual harassment was horrible. My goal in life is another cat lmaoooo. but I want to get my own place first so that way no pet rent.... HVM-wise, I'm not worried, lol, I think we've all established that any of us can get any man we want, it's just that the men we want are far and few between, haha.
haha yeah the guy is my friend now. We play video games together LOL. he kind of thought I got screwed over and thinks I'm better off without my ex... haha. I actually met up with him a year ago to hang out when I was in his area.
Not that long, lol, but yeah that was his thought. He was negative in his checking account and I was covering some food and gas for him... He was living at his parents' place so no rent that I had to pay for him at least. He was all, "but love." Like sorry, but love doesn't cut it in a relationship. It's also trust and commitment and pulling your weight.
Haha yikes. Yeah, not a super glamorous job... I do code, but nothing on product. So for example, security might require a OS update, so I'll do an update on my machine and test it. If there are code issues with compiling or building the product, I'll submit code patches to fix that. Other teams own the actual product code so they do those patches. Then I keep IT in the loop so they can roll the update out once the patches are in. None of the code I write is seen by the outside world or by anyon…
Tbh, it's just a combination of no student loans and a high income... means I can stuff a lot away. I got lucky because I didn't even consider CS as a field. Took a class and liked it and took the plunge. My first job was ~100k with no stocks. Between taxes and pre tax deductions and high rent, I could save maybe $200-$500 a month into the house fund... Switched over to this job that is ~150k base with ~100k in annual stocks, and on the base alone I am able to put away $4k+ a month for the house…
Haha, I actually am not in a lucrative subfield. I do mostly maintenance with security and IT teams. Sort of like the software engineering side of infrastructure, if that makes sense...? For example, I might test and submit patches for the infrastructure code for an OS update (that security requires and that IT then rolls out). I don't do anything glamorous or product code... I think AI and ML are lucrative? That's just my gist, not any personal experience though!! If you haven't run into any tr…
Lmao he was an ugly dude anyway haha. He really had no redeeming qualities, I was just a pickme. :/ Feels good to buy so much for my cat and me. No money spent on men (except the obligatory stickers and stocking stuffers for friends and family who happen to be men lol).
Exactly... And even though men complain about gold diggers, it's really LVM that go digging... They want a woman who cooks and cleans (lbr, that's paid work already... That's why we pay housekeepers and chefs) and works, with her paycheck issued into a shared account. He just works. Or worse, doesn't...
Thank you!! I realized how far I've come since the breakup... I feel stupid over how heartbroken I was lol, he was such a leech in hindsight. So glad I found FDS and leveled up
Yes!! Pre may 2018 is empty because it was too depressing lmao. I couldn't even bring myself to enter numbers in the program. Now I open it everyday to update my budget and categorize everything. I'm so proud of it... Feels like the only people I can tell about it is FDS lol.
Lol. Thank you!! I am so excited and proud about how far I've come since I've joined FDS as a lurker on my main account. Can't quite tell people esp men about these kinds of successes because they always wanna tear me down and act like none of it matters cause I'm single :/
Lol I dropped $10k on my cat over the year and still have money left over for jewelry and video games... All that money I never spent on dates or men LOL.
Some more details, which might not show up until I'm approved lol. I did absolutely nothing with computers before college. Didn't know what terminal was or how commands work. Barely turned on the computer. I was intimidated by anything electronic. I went to a university mostly known for English, drama, and journalism. I took CS on a whim, fell in love, and switched away from premed. I'm currently doing a part time masters degree that my company pays for. You don't have to go to a top engineering…
I have no idea. I don't invest... I mostly dump the 401k and IRA funds in the vanguard stocks labeled by retirement year. Last time I took econ was in high school lol. The tech stocks are just RSUs from my company, so they're not investments across the market. Sorry! Maybe another subreddit might know...?
This is YNAB!! I love it. I've been using it for a while now and it shows everything I need to know, like account balances and averages spent every month (I've spent about 10k on my cat in a year LOL) and net worth. Great customer service, and I highly recommend!!
Haha, no starting bonus for me... But the first 100k of stocks vests early next year... Gonna go straight in the down payment fund. You can spell mortgage without "man", right?? Lol
:( you know what though, we all started that way. I went through a string of exes who destroyed my self esteem for a solid 4 years and caused a lot of emotional and physical trauma. I'm so glad you and I found FDS. Only uphill for us now
