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galian84 Archive

View 6 posts and 690 comments by galian84 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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37

Yup. When any male says “she just dumped me out of the blue!!!” I don’t believe them, especially if it was a long-term girlfriend or wife. 99% of the time she has tried to explain and make it work and he didn’t want to listen. I monologued to an ex for 3 hours once about how he hurt me by gaslighting me, dismissing me, flirting with other women, and stringing me along. All he got out of the entire exchange - “so you found someone else??” After a blank stare. I also flat out told my abusive ex af…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/22 04:08 PM
34

Oh, yes, all of this. I live with my family now after leaving an abusive ex and am saving money to eventually buy a house. But I was never happier than when I was living alone. Nobody judged me on what I wore, what time I woke up, what time I got out of bed, or how I chose to decorate my place. No more worrying about having to always clean up someone else's mess and tell me how to live in MY home. I don't have to deal with people inviting their friends over and then having those friends overstay…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 03:28 AM
84

Very good point. I was also brainwashed into this pickme mindset that only male sports teams mean anything. All my misogynistic exes who were also huge sports fans literally called womens sports inferior and “it’s never as good as watching men play”. Implying that women can’t possibly be athletic and play competitively. I’m actually not a big sports fan, just watched it cause a couple of my exes were obsessed with it. Womens sports deserve just as much attention as male sports.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 07:57 PM
8

I haven’t had sex for a year after dumping my abusive ex. I also don’t have any intention of dating males in the near future, so I might be celibate for a long time. Of course I miss it from time to time. But having a good vibrator helps a lot! And when you’re craving physical touch, massages and pets are a wonderful source. Give your family and friends lots of hugs when you see them. And when I am feeling in the mood, I write great love scenes in my books ☺️ I work in rehabilitation so I’m very…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 07:48 PM
288

If she really was ok with it she wouldn’t feel the need to make a post about it to justify herself to internet strangers. Also, I hope she and her husband use protection because he could be ridden with STDs. Community dick is a no-go for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 07:37 PM
7

Ew no…this guy just wanted a mommy bangmaid :/the amount of hobosexuals out there is staggering 😳 instead of bettering themselves, they try to bring other people down. Reminds me of my last ex. Only moved out of his “mommy”‘s (he was living with his second aunt who had to take care of his 30-year old ass along with her own two teenage children) place when he moved himself in with me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 12:55 PM
220

Of course a male would write and proclaim something that benefits males. Please don’t ever do this. Also, a lot of people don’t know what HVM means. And if this dude has to shout it from the rooftops that he is, he is not. This doesn’t work, and I know because I was this woman when I was a pickme. The two times I didn’t delay sex because I felt pressured by the males and libfem media and pickme friends, I got used. Literally had to browbeat one guy into being my boyfriend, while he talked to oth…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 12:31 PM
51

Yes! So many women, of all ages would benefit from realizing this. Certain cultures love to tear down women for being “old maids” if they’re not married off by a certain age, and even western society makes women feel like there’s something wrong with them if we’re single. I say fuck that noise. It’s such a lie and scare tactic. When I was on OLD in my 30s, I was regularly matching with men in their early 20s. Think there was even a 19-year old in there somewhere. I’m 37 now, and last year I was …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/22 10:23 AM
109

Eewww…you summed up one of my exes to a T. I felt this sis. I used to think the exact same, that they were a catch because they were financially stable and knew what they wanted so they didn’t play these mindfuck games that a lot of younger dudes play. Boy was I wrong. One of my exes had 19 years on me and he was STILL hitting on women younger than me while we were together. Except he didn’t want anymore children…he wanted a nurse and a purse. A few months after I dumped him, I spoke to him (bec…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/22 01:48 PM
12

Yes of course ❤️ if sharing my experiences can help just one other woman, I’d be so happy. We have to forgive ourselves, just fed into what society and LVMs and pickmes preach. I’ve watched my friends chase men to their own detriment without ever stopping to look at myself, and that I was doing the same thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/22 01:32 PM
209

💯 sis. My mom warned me about this while I was still actively dating. My past pickme friends also perpetuated this behavior since they were all doing the same thing. It’s a tough pill to swallow, knowing they didn’t really want me. But it’s the truth and how they really think. I had a period of about 3 years pre-FDS where I chased men. Texted them first, called first, initiating going out. Those men who gave me the time of day back then, I even paid most of the time (🤢) You know where all that l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 10:25 AM
3

Damn, what the fuck. That is horrifying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/22 03:32 AM
10

The majority of males have zero empathy, so this makes total sense. Just as an example, one of my exes constantly accused me of cheating with and giving BJs and/or sleeping with literally every single man who looked at or talked to me. He also had a fondness for calling women wh0res. He was super insecure and hated himself and I caught him watching violent p*rn on multiple occasions. 100% projection on his part.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/22 03:31 AM
175

Preach, sis! It's so hard to do sometimes, yet it's important. Especially since we are gaslit and pressured by society and LVMs and pickmes to keep quiet and that it's "NoT a BiG dEaL". We must speak up for ourselves. Because the only thing these males will learn from is consequence. You said it perfectly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/22 12:26 AM
87

“BuT wOmEn HaVe It So EaSy!!!!111” right?? /s This posts are disgusting. As if we needed more reason to fear going on dates with males now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 08:07 PM
11

Almost exactly one year ago I left my abusive ex, and I’ve been single ever since. This is the first time I’ve been single in 20 years…I used to jump from one bf to another, often monkey-branching because I was so terrified and insecure of being alone. And I’ve gotten myself into some pretty embarrassing situations. Now I’m not sure I ever want to date again, unless I find a HVM who can add to my life. Most of all, I love my freedom. That all my energy can go to my friends, doggo and family who …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/22 07:06 PM
19

These women are tough to deal with. I have a friend like this whose love life is quite frankly, a mess, but she refuses to dump the guy and is always crying to me about the shit he’s said and done. I also WAS this friend who went crying to my bestie each time I got into a fight with my exes and then taking them back. My best friend never enabled me and I’m glad she didn’t - she realized the relationships were toxic way before I did and literally just told me to dump them, repeatedly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 07:56 PM
246

Hahaha what a whiner. He feels “objectified”, well welcome to the world of being a woman. Also, your comment is gold 👍
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 07:26 PM
16

This dude can go fuck himself…I’m sorry he did that to you :( I swear the majority of males have no empathy. Glad to hear he’s an ex and good riddance!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 07:34 PM
16

This gave me chills. My abusive ex ticked off a good 15 of those boxes…I am definitely glad I got out when I did. Thank you for posting this 🙏 It was eye opening!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 07:51 PM
29

I fail the see the humor in this…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/22 07:35 PM
32

Well shit. This hits the spot for all my exes and the guys I saw and met on OLD 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/22 10:18 AM
110

Ooh just saw your last comment and good for you sis 👏 just gotta throw the whole man out. Mine was jobless and convinced me he had an apartment reserved at a new condo being built. And he wanted to stay with me for a month until it was ready. Had pictures and everything. Well, he never left my place. Future faked me by telling me about how he couldn’t wait to marry me and have kids, told me all his grand plans about how he was planning on going back to school to finish his bachelors (he was ex-m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/22 09:54 PM
582

Girl...as an Asian woman, I hear you loud and clear. Fuck those ignoramus males who just fetishize women of different cultures.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 01:43 AM
2

Girl, your ex sounds unhinged…thankfully he is an ex!! And you’re telling me!! My ex resisted any and all notions of therapy. I later found out that he wound up at an inpatient rehab center because he got wasted one night and threatened to off himself. Males like this need serious therapy, not girlfriends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 11:16 AM
16

Omg, I feel so sad for this poor woman. It reminds me of the times where I’d ask if my exes’ clearly manipulative or abusive behavior was normal because I was gaslit and mindfucked into not trusting my own feelings. Can we find some way to bring her to FDS? The husband is a piece of shit. Time to throw the whole male out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 02:45 AM
5

Lol it is all such utter bullshit. 99% of the time the women had been trying to cOmMuNiCaTe, sometimes for years, and they just didn’t listen or care. My ex even told me “I thought you would never leave!” (Hahaha) I also vote for making this a drinking game!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 11:22 AM
5

I had an ex like this. He was extremely insecure and when drunk/high, he admitted on more than one occasion that he hated himself. Someone who hates themselves can never love you and will always try to tear you down, especially if you are out of their league. For example - my ex constantly accused me of cheating, would threaten to talk to his female friends again, and started talking mad shit about first my male friends, then moved onto my female friends, and eventually started trying to isolate…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 11:20 AM
25

Listen to your instincts!! If it makes you uncomfortable, that’s all that matters. It would be a dealbreaker for me, because I would never trust that he wouldn’t start asking me for it eventually. I say this because I had two exes who said similar things as your boyfriend. One ex swore he would never do anal and he found it gross, and that he didn’t watch p0rn while in a relationship. Guess what, he lied about the p0rn use. And he started pestering me for anal half a year in. Likely because he k…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 11:08 AM
7

Lol scrotes be so triggered by a woman having standards. “BuT wHaT dOeS sHe BrInG tO tHe TaBlE???!!!” Same response every time, they got nothing else.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 04:30 PM
9

It’s like they can’t possibly comprehend how THEY caused you to leave them. They really are all the same…projecting onto us. One ex said this when I dumped his misogynistic ass after stringing me along for 7 years. He asked me why I was breaking up with him and I spent an hour (lol why did I bother) telling him all the reasons. At the end, he looked at me and said “you found someone else didn’t you? My [LVM] friend J said women only leave if they find someone else!” I don’t believe any man who s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 11:14 AM
56

This poor woman! And what a pos scrote he is for doing that to her. I’m glad she left his ass. Wanting anal is a dealbreaker for me as well. I had a p0rnsick ex try this exact thing, constant pestering despite my repeated “no”s and then trying to poke around there, even had an “accidental slip”. Funny how he would squeal and jump 2 feet into the air whenever anything went near his bum, though. And I made sure to do it enough until he eventually stopped asking. If a male doesn’t respect your firs…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 02:21 PM
90

Oh they know. They just want to string you along commitment-free. I dated a 45 year old man in the past who “didn’t know” when/if he would ever be ready to marry. He admitted to me after 6 years (I know, I was a 🤡 this entire relationship) that he wasn’t “the marrying type.” His ex wife also had to give him an ultimatum to marry her when he was in his late 30s. That marriage only lasted 2 years. They want to live the bachelor life while having a (preferably younger) woman around to manipulate an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 04:49 PM
15

Lol no. Been there, done that, can confirm it does not work. It just makes those males even more entitled and demanding.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 03:37 PM
1

Great thread! I weightlift and write stories. And I read a lot and enjoy learning new languages! I also took up Brazilian jiu jitsu a few months ago, and it’s a process to get better. I still enjoy singing for fun and learning songs in different languages. I also scuba dive occasionally and if I still had my motorcycle, I’d be riding it too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 04:27 AM
6

Girl I used to be in the same boat as you - pre FDS, I never paid attention to HVM - I was too busy chasing N/LVMs and trying to make my relationships work with my scrote exes, because I was conditioned to believe that was all I deserved. I picked up BJJ 2 months ago and it is the shit…most the males at my gym seem quite nice and encouraging, and are considerate training partners (unless I get a white belt kid/teen spazzing but that’s another story). It’s amazing that FDS has helped you to notic…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 10:52 PM
11

Girl I used to be in the same boat as you - pre FDS, I never paid attention to HVM - I was too busy chasing N/LVMs and trying to make my relationships work with my scrote exes, because I was conditioned to believe that was all I deserved. I picked up BJJ 2 months ago and it is the shit…most the males at my gym seem quite nice and encouraging, and are considerate training partners (unless I get a white belt kid/teen spazzing but that’s another story). It’s amazing that FDS has helped you to notic…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 10:51 PM
20

Yup. My scrote ex’s “standards” were young women >10 years younger than him and petite Asians 😖
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 09:42 PM
2

Beware of hatfishing and beardfishing…I fell for both! One guy I briefly dated looked super cute with a hat on. Once the hat came off…yup, you guessed it, he was half bald in his mid 30s. My abusive ex looked good with a beard. Once he shaved it off, 6 months into the relationship…the weak jawline and double chin came out and his nose looked too big for his face. Just not an attractive face. If I ever date again I want to know what they look like without a hat/beard. I prefer clean shaven men wi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 03:16 PM
5

Omgosh yes…I was also told by multiple people that my man-picker was off and how do I keep finding all these losers/users/abusers… Now I realize it’s because 90% of males are like that. Go figure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 03:10 PM
15

Ew, now I’m glad I didn’t watch the Superbowl or the halftime show. Esp once I saw that Dr. Dre, Eminem and Snoop Dogg were performing. I didn’t know all this about him though, now I’m even more glad I missed the show.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 03:05 PM
12

This makes me sad, yet not surprised with the amount of importance and emotional ties that males have to sports. Last Superbowl, my abusive ex got wasted drunk and then tried to throw me out of a moving car going 90mph on the freeway because he somehow convinced himself I was flirting with his cousin’s boyfriend (because I playfully pushed him once and barely even spoke to him or looked at him otherwise). I don’t even remember now if it was because the team he was rooting for won or lost. This i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 02:48 PM
47

This makes me sad, yet not surprised with the amount of importance and emotional ties that males have to sports. Last Superbowl, my abusive ex got wasted drunk and then tried to throw me out of a moving car going 90mph on the freeway because he somehow convinced himself I was flirting with his cousin’s boyfriend (because I playfully pushed him once and barely even spoke to him or looked at him otherwise). I don’t even remember now if it was because the team he was rooting for won or lost. This i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 02:35 PM
15

This is so cute!! I hope he stays a HVM growing up. Reminds me of my brother who is always generous with me and my mom, and the women he’s dated. He’s expecting a raise next month and is planning to treat us to an expensive steakhouse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 02:23 PM
6

Ugh I have problems listening to the lyrics of so many songs now. So creepy and radiate L/NVM vibes. I can add another one to the list - “Meant to Be” by Florida Georgia Line & Bebe Rexha. The entire song had me fuming - no surprise that a guy who wanted to be FWB with me sang it to me during a karaoke night (he was part of our friend group at the time). Even when I was a pickme I hated that song.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 03:51 PM
17

Damn, maybe I need to start carrying around hardcover books instead of my Kindle 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 03:34 PM
4

I love these stories. They’re so encouraging and uplifting because I used to be one of those “guys’ girls”. Yes I’ve dealt with a good share of pickmes and LVW but haven’t we all. My female coworkers were always the ones to jump in and help and show me the ropes. When I first started my new job with a patient population I wasn’t familiar with, one female coworker and my female boss ALWAYS set aside time when I needed them to teach me something and always were willing to answer my most random que…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 03:32 PM
54

Pre FDS, I believed this. When I got a shitty ex I believed I just got a bad one and the next one would be kind and caring and respectful. It also doesn’t help that this is what we are socialized to believe. 4 boyfriends, working with a primarily male population, growing up with men, dozens of bad dates and male “friends” later, and in my mid-30s now, can confirm that that is indeed a lie perpetuated by men. The closest thing to an HVM that I know is my brother.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 03:08 PM
22

Yes exactly, or they will coerce and guilt trip you into them. My abusive ex took photos and videos of me during sex and when I was drunk, some without my knowledge. When I said I didn’t feel comfortable I got screamed at and cursed out and lied to, saying that if he had videos of me he wouldn’t need to watch p0rn (yeah right) and accused me of not loving or trusting him until I backed down just to avoid yet another fight and verbal barrage. I shudder to think what he might be doing with those v…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 11:24 PM
13

These make me sick 🤢 I really feel sorry for any woman that has to resort to living with these r@pists and perverts. I remember 5ish years ago, my older ex had a friend who did this. Even sent my ex videos of him (40ish unattractive, obese male) having sex with 19-20 year old women who were living with him rent free. I didn’t know this was so common now. It’s just like depraved men to take advantage of a terrible housing economy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 11:03 PM
3

What the actual fuck
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 10:44 PM
12

Imagine being so unlikeable and ugly that you have to try and fearmonger women into giving you a look 😑 We’re not falling for it, scrotes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 11:21 AM
28

I mean, if they’re supposedly sooooo much happier without us, then why don’t they leave us alone??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/22 09:24 PM
62

Girl same with my last ex. Constant accusations of cheating. Went out with two male friends on a kayaking activity once and invited him, he didn’t want to go. Got accused of having a threesome with them. A male acquaintance sent a holiday greeting through a group text, to the whole group - I was cheating with them. He started planting things so he could accuse me more - an old pic of me and an ex that he screenshotted so it showed the recent date in my photos, going to a dating website on my pho…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 09:21 PM
33

This 👆 right here. I wish I had known this before I got mixed up with my male “friends”. They always want something from you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 11:14 AM
27

I’m dead 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 04:56 AM
30

Ugh, I’m SO glad I’m not dating rn. I see males are pulling this everywhere. Reminds me of a date I went on a couple years ago, where the guy showed up looking like a total mess, bought me a $5 coffee and a $3 tea from Starbucks and told me I can treat next time. Next time came and he sprung an expensive tea house on me. The he repeatedly try to suggest he come to my place for the next date. And then I found out he has a girlfriend of 3 years 😅 reported him to the OLD site and never spoke to him…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 04:56 AM
65

I love reading all these stories! Warms my cold heart :) I spent 20 years of my life in one relationship after another, never knowing who I was without a male partner. I was codependent, anxious, always second-guessing myself, always wondering if I was the crazy one. I left my last (abusive) ex 9 months ago. Since then, I've discovered: -I actually do enjoy other women's company - well, HVW at least. They're not all crazy, catty or evil witches like some of my exes claimed. -I rediscovered my lo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 04:46 AM
30

I don't have much else to add except...you literally described one of my exes to a T. And this was a 40+ year old man whose fridge was filled with water bottles and he lived off of pizza, philly cheesesteaks and ham and swiss sandwiches. The dude was literally a giant walking red flag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 10:09 PM
1

💯 sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 10:34 AM
13

That is lovely 🥰 congratulations!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 08:39 PM
318

What a disgusting r-pist. He knows it hurts her and he doesn’t give a shit. He gets off on her pain. I remember having an ex who asked me every week to do anal with him, even had an “accidental slip”, even though I repeatedly said I didn’t want to (fortunately it never happened. I said I might try it if he goes first, knowing he never would. Eventually I got fed up with him and started poking things at his b-hole and he would freak TF out every single time). Another ex said in passing that he wa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 08:37 PM
78

I’m with you sis. 37 and truly single (not looking for or talking to any guy, even) for the first time in 20 years, for 9 months now. And where I used to be terrified at being single…now I LOVE it. I can spend money on myself and my family and doggo and friends who would happily reciprocate (well, doggo reciprocates with love and cuddles) and are my rocks. I’m saving more than I ever have, and I feel truly at peace and free. FDS has contributed to this so much. All my exes were NVM/LVM who tried…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 08:31 PM
24

That sounds like such an amazing birthday celebration!! Happy early bday 🥳
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 08:24 PM
222

Ugh, and you know what happens should you decide to settle for one of these ugly scrotes? They treat you like shit and have zero respect for you, because they know you settled. I made that mistake when I was a pickme who gave uglies a chance 🤡. I dated an uggo who I had to practically beg to make me his girlfriend, and even told me he didn’t love me after 8 months, wasn’t sure if he ever would, and was openly talking to other women the whole time we were dating. Stick to your standards, ladies!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 03:12 AM
30

Love it! Women need to support each other and life each other up 🥰
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 10:23 PM
30

Preach, sis 🙌 Your post made me think about the relationships around me and if any of the women are truly happy…and I couldn’t think of any. My coworkers’/family’s/friend’s husbands/bfs are lazy, deadbeats, narcs, anger issues, selfish, cheap, and low-no effort leeches. The only woman who insists she has a great marriage and husband is married to a guy who yells and snaps at her all the time, has never bothered to try and make her orgasm (but demands BJs), was angry and unsupportive when she got…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 08:17 PM
3

Woah that sounds like an amazing night! I’m with my brother, mom, grandma and little pup. Having some champagne and watching the ball drop in NYC, and cooking together ☺️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 06:34 PM
19

Lmao you rustled his jimmies 😆 Notice how he says “unmatched” and then proceeds to send you another wall of text. And yes - walk “dates” are only cute for committed couples.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 07:39 PM
14

The amount of males who get jealous over a pet, or even their own children, is seriously disturbing. Pets > male humans any day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 10:35 PM
5

The sad part is, many women will brush this off as “oh men just don’t know how to shop, you have to help him!! Teehee!” Like, no sis, he just doesn’t care enough. The nicest gift I got from an ex probably cost about $10? We were in our early 20s, poor college students, and were long distance. He bought me a bouquet of flowers, a thoughtfully written card and a box of chocolates from a brand I mentioned I liked. And he got my best friend to surprise me with it since he couldn’t be here with me. H…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 01:39 AM
35

Right? Nothing’s stopping these scrotes from getting into sex work since it’s “So EmPoWeRiNg!!”…there are plenty of gay men who would pay for pics of them or watch them get f**ked on camera. And you’re absolutely right. Maybe sex work is a way to make a little money now, but unfortunately women will be judged and disrespected for it for the rest of their lives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 01:09 AM
48

Oh this poor woman. What was there to talk to him about? He already said he was “ToO bUsY” to make her his girlfriend. If she doesn’t leave him she will just cling on hoping he’ll change his mind one day (while he’s keeping his options open the whole time). Males like that are just using you to keep their dicks wet and for on-call emotional support. This happened to me too, and if even if you can somehow browbeat them into a relationship, they’ll still confuse you (my ex said he didn’t love me a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 04:53 PM
2

Yes!! It feels so good to spend it on myself, my friends and family and my dog, not some cheap dusty leech scrote. At least my family and friends have been there for me in good times and bad and I know I can count on them!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 04:47 PM
23

All I see in his profile: “me me me me me” Hard pass. Also as many of you all pointed out, 44 and wants kids someday 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 11:04 PM
11

I was in one relationship after another from 16-36 because I felt like I “had” to have a man and put up with their BS. Now at 37, I’ve been single for 8 months and no interest in dating anytime soon (or ever if no HVM comes around). I’m really enjoying my peace and most of all, my money 🤑 My dad always told me that being alone is better than being with something rotten. I wish I listened to him more back then.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 10:51 PM
16

I went to look her up on Twitter. She posts some real pickme-ass shit. My eyes rolled up right into my brain and had to stop scrolling after 30 seconds.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 10:48 PM
73

Uh…nope. The only ex who broke up with me was back on OLD the next day (suspect he never got off it), and he had been chatting up other women the entire time we were together. They threaten us that we’ll be single forever (awww boohoo /s) when they’re the ones that can’t stand being single.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 10:42 PM
49

They threaten us with sex robots…as if it’s a bad thing?? Even better, maybe then they’ll finally leave us alone and weed themselves out of the gene pool. Win win imo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 10:39 PM
5

Omg, what a creep!! Thank goodness he’s an ex, and good riddance. He sounds like one of my exes, who was 19 years older than me (I know, 🤢) He talked down to me when it suit him, telling me he’s older and wiser and I need to listen to him. That I’m young and had no idea what I was talking about (always when I got upset about something he did). Yet he had no trouble jerking it to lesbian p0rn with young women, had a constant stream of young attractive female “friends”, and in his mid 40s, he had …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 02:41 PM
145

Yes! It makes zero sense. So many males are so incredibly selfish and just want kids for the "legacy" (ha). I've always been terrified at the thought of becoming pregnant and what it might do to my body. I hear way too many stories of useless husbands and fathers. And it's too easy for males to just bail on their kids' mother. Hearing how males are so disgusted by the women carrying THEIR child just sealed the deal. I'd just rather not risk it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 03:52 AM
381

This is so sad and I hope the mom-to-be finds this sub. Sadly this is so common nowadays for males to feel like this in our pornified society and they do not deserve to have offspring. I had two LVM exes who claimed they wanted kids. One literally said (referring to the vagina) “if I saw a kid come out of there I’ll never be able to see it the same way again” and the other LVM said that he wouldn’t be sexually attracted to his pregnant partner. Thank god I’m childfree.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 01:55 AM
19

My last ex was “moody”. He was also emotionally stunted, controlling, a covert narc, and verbally and emotionally abusive. Had to watch everything I said and did around him so I wouldn’t trigger a random mantrum. Echoing walk away at the first sign of rage. It only gets worse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 10:10 PM
75

Misery loves company, indeed. Their fragile little egos are bruised, boohoo and they have to drag you down to their level. My last ex did everything he could to stop me from writing, including yelling and complaining loudly every time I opened my laptop or even tried to read on my Kindle, and it completely de-motivated me. My creative spark has come back since I dumped him. My best friend’s scrote husband is incredibly nasty and unsupportive of her getting into grad school for her dream career (…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 07:02 PM
2

What the actual fuck. How is this funny? I’m tired of this “haha women talk too much” crap, when in reality, it’s men that don’t STFU and have literal verbal diarrhea. I see this all the time because I work with a primarily male population. Reminds me of a patient I had once who said “you know who else talks too much? women! Hahaha!!” When he was the one who hadn’t stopped running his mouth the entire half hour before that. I just have him a death stare and he stfu.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 08:40 PM
14

No, just don’t do it. My parents always taught me that if a man want you, he will move Heaven and Earth to be with you. None of this no/low effort BS. I didn’t listen to them when I was a pickme, and having pickme friends didn’t help. I used to think it was so “progressive” and “empowering” to chase men. All it got me was men who tried to use me for free sex and female attention. And boyfriends who made minimal to zero effort but were happy to use me as their mommy bangmaid. And they had no resp…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 08:43 PM
3

First - congrats on the publishing deal! I’m currently in the querying trenches so I know how big of a deal that is 😊 I scrolled down to see what your book was about and it sounds amazing! I’d love to see more books with female MCs embodying FDS values, and more HVM characters. Second - agreed. L/NVM males don’t like it when you better yourself. It makes them look like the low value 💩that they are. I had an ex who also would whine and moan whenever I would write at home. My best friend’s scrote …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 11:18 AM
10

You know how negative publicity is better than no publicity? Yeah, the same thing applies here. I did this in my pickme days with two scrote exes. One, I spent 3 hours telling him how much he hurt me and why I was breaking up with him. Literally all went over his head and he still thought I was leaving him for someone else (I wasn’t), didn’t register a thing I said. Another one, after we broke up I sent him one last text telling him I was so sorry things didn’t work out and I loved him so much 🤡…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 11:36 AM
3

They literally will do anything for female attention, ugh! I’ve gotten messages from scrotes on Twitter (which I use exclusively for connecting with other writers and only post writing-related content…and FDS) AND Goodreads 😒
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 05:27 PM
13

What an asshole. I hope she divorces him, because God forbid she gets diagnosed with a lifelong illness or even gets sick. Bet he expects her to wait on him hand and foot when he’s got the sniffles, though. Men just do not see us as humans. We will always just be objects to L/NVMs. I had two narc exes. One completely dismissed me when my grandma died, giving me a “oh sorry to hear, so we still going out tonight?” And then when my two dogs died within a week of each other, he got mad at me that I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 04:53 PM
11

Yuck, I think we dated the same guy, lol! I also dated someone whose majority of friends were women. He also tried dating them all in the past. And when I ghosted him for slow fading me, he tried to stay “friends” with me too. I don’t trust men who have female best friends or more women friends than men. Women acquaintances are fine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 01:12 PM
48

Yes, this is 🚩🚩 The disrespectful scrote exes I had ALL did this once the mask slipped. And I’m typically a very fast walker. They still overtook me and complained that I walked too slow. I had an ex who was a wheelchair user and even he would just roll way ahead of me 😑 I had one ex who I rode motorcycles with. I was a newer rider with a smaller bike, and my ex’s cousin was also there. The plan was for me to ride in the middle. The two idiots took off way ahead of me several times because I was…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 12:48 AM
23

100% would not date someone with exotic pets. I’m very sensitive to animal suffering and cruelty and cannot get on board with live feedings. And yes I totally judge them, too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 01:21 AM
2

I’m 37 and I 100% agree with you 🥰 I had two exes who were younger by -1 and -5, and older with +4 and +19 🤢I also dabbled with OLD and went on dates with men both younger and older. I used to only date older and never understood when my mom kept saying “the younger the better, as long as they’re legal! They’ll treat you better” I really saw no difference in maturity levels. At least the younger ones made more of an effort to impress me, AND they were better looking. Mostly in shape and still ha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 05:13 PM
7

Did we date the same guy? My last ex was also in a wheelchair and literally was also charismatic and extroverted, and a lovebomber and manchild. He was also an abusive covert narc. An LV a**hole will always be a LV a-hole, even in a wheelchair.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 04:05 PM
3

Most men who threaten suicide are doing it to manipulate you, and 99% of them have no intention of actually going through with it. It’s hard, but never feel guilty…those are his demons to fight, not yours. Always call 911 and if you can get in touch with their family/friends, tell them too. Then at least you’ll have done all you can without being manipulated. My last ex threatened suicide when I left him, calling me and screaming that he was going to blow his brains out. I went back a day later …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 08:37 PM
339

Geez, if a man is really that dense, what good will he be as a romantic partner? If a man wants me to play the masculine role and chase him, he better be ready to play the feminine role. Cooking and cleaning up after me, raise my children (who will have my last name), and birth my children. Oh wait…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/21 08:33 PM
30

NGL, this was hard to read. I hope she wakes up and leaves this asshole. What a shitshow of a “wedding”! Plus…forever gf of 10 years?? No excuse for that unless you are both really young, and perhaps not established yet in your career (ie still in school).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 10:12 PM
211

She needs to leave this guy like, yesterday. I hope she finds us. I was in her shoes with a pornsick scrote ex who had ED and it also did a number on my self esteem, before I knew better. It will never get better and you’ll never feel like you’re enough for them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 12:49 AM
2

Mood for life indeed! Love it and congrats on all your accomplishments 💜💜 the process of leveling up is so liberating. Go live your best life sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 01:10 PM
5

A good lesson to learn - don’t shit where you eat. It’s always the woman’s reputation that’s hurt, never the man’s. She’s more likely to have to leave her job, and/or become fodder for office gossip. On a personal note, when I was a young pickme, I dated a man who was in a higher-up position, and later learned he went for nearly all the new employees, interns, and students, preferably no less than 10+ years younger than him. The worst that was said about him? “Oh he’s a player.” The women’s repu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/21 02:42 PM
29

Wtf? Abusive men are passed around as “comedy” these days? This is disgusting. Reported to YouTube.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/21 02:16 PM
57

Thank you for saying this! I fell for this trap once, and the entire ‘relationship’ was a massive headache. The male I was “exclusive” with was the most emotionally slow and unavailable person ever (but not sexually, ofc!) who was at the very least, talking to other women the whole time. It didn’t help that I had pickme friends who convinced me to give it a go with this idiot, who were also strutting around proudly with their “exclusive but not bf/gf” situationships, so I thought that was a norm…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/21 02:06 PM
37

I love this post so much and 100% agree with all of your points 🥰 Never, ever be financially dependent on a man, or anyone, for that matter. That’s how you end up becoming controlled. I’ve already wasted too much of my hard-earned money pandering to LVM/NVM because I was so desperate to not be seen as a “GoLd DiGgEr”. Never again. I’m not rich by any means, but I make enough to live comfortably. I look at the people around me who are financially dependent on someone else, for various reasons. Th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 09:30 PM
28

Exactly! If he has sons they will think it’s ok to treat women as objects and commodities. If he has daughters they will think it’s ok for a man to use them this way. Just awful all around.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 10:49 PM
229

Eww 🤢 he sounds like a great example for his kids… One of my scrote ex’s friends was like this. He was an overweight, middle aged creeper who would go looking for young, homeless/runaway women and they stayed with him in exchange for sex and cooking. Just disgusting and I feel sorry for any woman who feels like she has to resort to things like this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 03:40 PM
116

Yeah, in my pickme days, I tried to be “what men wanted” - sexy, fit, always up for sex, cooked, cleaned, spent money on them. You know where that got me? Nowhere. The men were all unappreciative and actually disrespected me, and expected even more. I actually just got into a fight with someone in my family about this - she told me I shouldn’t swear and I need to cook more, because men don’t like women who swear and don’t cook. I told her IDGAF what men want. I’m not living my life for them. She…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 08:06 PM
1

I understand and am in the same boat! I totally regret all the money I spent on three L/NVMs. But, there is nothing you can do now and you can’t change the past. Just keep saving from this point forward and don’t make the same mistake. That’s what’s helping me move on!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 07:42 PM
73

Waiting 10 years means they won’t marry you until push comes to shove and they don’t have any other options left. BUT guarantee he will marry his “dream girl” after 6 months. I had an ex that strung me along for 7 years and was in his 50s, and STILL “didn’t know” when he would be ready. Then proceeded to tell me that “men only settle down when they feel like they’re out of options….or when they’re really in love” (he only said the second part when he saw me getting upset). Happy for you that you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 01:34 PM
8

Ew, what a disgusting creep that guy was, OP! Here’s my list. Cringey AF but it reminds me never to entertain anyone of dumpster fire-caliber ever again. Yes, there is a pattern. I was the dumb pickme that tried SO HARD to make it work when these guys didn’t give a damn. LVM #1: Refused to work and was content living in his mom’s basement and chugging beer and playing the vidya all day. Had dreams of being a rockstar. Told me he never wanted to get married. We were long distance with no end in s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 01:29 PM
16

Listen to your intuition and don’t be afraid to leave a toxic relationship, or any relationship where it’s not benefitting you. Don’t be afraid to be single. Keep working on your writing and saving money, maybe you could have had a polished novel ready for publication, and a house by now instead of wasting time on N/LVMs who can’t even commit to you. And you are worthy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/21 07:30 PM
13

What a tool. So glad you got rid of him! Enjoy your freedom 🥰
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/21 02:43 PM
80

Wonderful post, thank you 🙏 I wish I had known all this back in the day. I used to mentally torture myself wondering if guys felt the same way I do. Wondering when he’ll call or text next, why he hasn’t asked me out yet. Mixed signals have even led to me making the first move, which of course, never worked out in my favor. The amount of times I heard “I’m not ready for a relationship/marriage/engagement”, yet those same men were content to try and keep me around as situationships or as a forever…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/21 02:31 PM
7

Yup, he was. Only cared about himself and getting his needs met, and he didn’t see women as human beings.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 03:23 PM
35

So sorry to hear about your aunt :( I agree with you, this is a great way to weed out men who have issues with empathy. They’re 100% not going to be there for you when you need them, or when you need a shoulder to cry on. Good thing he revealed himself early. I’ve had exes straight up not respond when I told them about a death in the family, my precious dogs included. Or they’d just give me a cursory “sorry to hear” and not mention it again. One ex was particularly unempathetic - when my grandma…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 01:07 PM
8

This explains why “cOmMuNiCaTiNg” never worked with any of my exes…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 08:12 PM
342

He wants to cheat on her sister after ONE MONTH. Wtf!! And the poster doesn’t know how to tell her sister? I hope she tells her sister to throw the whole man out, omg.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 05:10 PM
1

Love this post 🥰 I spent 20 years of my life, from 16-36 either in a relationship or actively looking for one, usually at least talking to some guy. I’ve been single for 4 months now, the first time in my life that I’ve had ZERO interest in actively dating. But if a HVM comes along, of course I am open to him! Otherwise I think I might be content to be single with pets the rest of my life. And it feels so liberating and freeing. Even my creativity has improved and I’m writing a lot more. And wor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 06:50 AM
8

Not a good sign if he’s not trying to escalate the relationship. I wouldn’t be surprised if he is keeping his options open and at the very least, talking to other women. Or as other ladies have mentioned, he has a girlfriend. I dated a man like this. He didn’t make me his girlfriend until 5 months in, we saw each other about once a week, maybe twice occasionally and he lived 10 minutes away from me. I then found out he was talking to other women, if not going on dates during the rest of the week…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 06:38 AM
3

Hell yes, Queen! You made the right choice 👏🙌🎉
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 06:29 AM
12

What is up with all of these broke, financially irresponsible men? 3/4 of my exes were broke and/or in debt, despite 2 of them having good full-time jobs (another was still a university student when we met, but we were together 5 years and he had zero ambition and tried to mooch off me, knowing I wanted to go into healthcare). The fourth ex had no debt and wasn’t broke, yet had no savings whatsoever in his early 30s (blew all his money on drugs and weed and alcohol). I feel sorry for this woman.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 06:27 AM
5

Geez, I dated a guy for a whole damn year who was like this. He made a big effort at first, texting frequently and scheduling dates, until he got me to sleep with him. Then, I got the good morning texts every morning and literally would hear nothing from him until hours later, sometimes not at all. Unless it was sex-related, then he would answer right away 🙄 In time, my calls to him went unanswered and no callbacks 90% of the time. Scheduling dates with him was like pulling teeth. He always had …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 06:16 AM
6

Awful, it goes to show how irresponsible they are. Good thing he told on himself on the first date before you wasted anymore of your time with that loser. And one of my exes did the exact same thing! I found out after a year that he owed a friend $10k and still owed ALL his undergrad loans (he was 38, so he hadn’t paid his loans for 17 years) 🤯 dunno what is going through these males’ minds…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 09:34 PM
1

Yes agreed! I definitely spoil myself a lot more not that I won’t get called “selfish” for it (because God forbid I spend money on myself vs wasting it on these negative value scrotes). And I hear you 100%! I enjoy my alone time so much more. Glad to hear you’re taking good care of yourself. Keep it up, Queen!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 08:26 PM
57

This is such a lie! Most men are cowards. One of my exes who “swore” that he would protect me, used me to get himself back up when we both tripped and fell from a night of drinking. He literally pushed down on me to get himself back up and didn’t offer me a hand, and THEN got mad at me because he “wouldn’t have tripped if it wasn’t for my holding onto his arm”. Bitch what?? Another ex saw an omega-3 vitamin that I had dropped on his floor (it was a large dark colored vitamin). He pointed at it a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 01:00 PM
44

Beautifully said. I’ve regretted every single relationship that I’ve stayed in way longer than I should have. 99% of the time, you will not regret leaving, but you will regret staying. My dad always said “better to have nothing than to have something rotten.” I just wished I listened to him, and found FDS sooner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 10:29 PM
50

I love this! Since I became single 4 months ago, I’ve spoiled the shit out of my friends and family. No more wasting precious time or my hard earned money on ungrateful LVM and NVM. My best friend just took me out for dinner over the weekend for my birthday, despite being broke. My other good friend and I always mail each other cute, thoughtful gifts for our birthdays even though we live across the country from each other. I love buying my family things and treating them to dinners and trips. Th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 10:22 PM
7

As a fellow Asian woman…I was going to make my own list, but you nailed it, sister! I’ve heard the vast majority of these at some point in my life. I’m also curvier…I have C cup boobs and a bubble butt, and have bigger hips and thicker thighs. I also get a lot of comments about how I don’t “look like the typical Asian” (wtf?) so men fetishized my body just as much as my being Asian. So gross. A Hispanic ex once asked me “is it true that Asian vaginas are slanted, like their eyes?” Wtf kind of qu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 10:57 PM
2

Congratulations Queen! Enjoy your newfound freedom and go live your best life ♥️♥️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 10:18 PM
6

Thanks for sharing your experience 💜 and what a creep your ex was, glad you’re out of that now! And no I’m definitely not upset at the thought. He emotionally cheated on me with a coworker 1 year older than me, and then gaslit the hell out of me. Nothing will ever be enough for these men. It’s their entitlement and misogynistic mentality that’s the problem. My ex said that 21 was the youngest he would “consider dating”…when he was 45 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 08:36 PM
81

Possible? Yes. Probable? Nah. Usually males like that have the mindset of women being objects for their pleasure and consumption, and they are users. They have to go through intensive therapy to change their ways, but the vast majority will not because they truly believe there’s nothing wrong with what they’re doing/thinking. For example, in my pickmeisha days, I dated an old scrote who was 19 years older than me (🤮). He was a player and a known flirt who had 20+ partners before me. And he told …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 02:00 AM
12

NVM are the worst 😠 this is projection at its best, because he is weak.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 09:24 PM
39

WTF is wrong with these so-called “men”… I swear you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t. “BuT hOw Do YoU kNoW yOu WoN’t LiKe (insert degrading sexual act) If YoU dOn’T tRY???!!!111” And if you’ve done said act and hated it/traumatized you: “yOu’Ll Do It FoR yOuR eX bUt NoT mE??? tHiS iS aBuSe 😭😭!” My abusive ex had a strange, perverse obsession with crying women. You might think you’re sharing a part of yourself with them, but most of them will just use it against you or think less of you.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 07:15 PM
61

Jesus what did I just read…this just reinforced my decision not to have kids. Wtf is wrong with these scrotes? Makes me sick, and I blame it mostly on the widespread popularity of stepfamily and incest and teen p0rn 🤢 My mom was pretty good about protecting me. She never remarried because she didn’t want me to have a stepdad around (I was 12 when my parents divorced, 13 when they started dating other people). She only let me sleep over at female friends’ houses if she knew the dad wouldn’t be ar…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 08:17 PM
37

Thanks, and same here about the cat! He really was the sweetest, most loving little kitty and I felt so, so sad that I couldn’t take him with me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 09:26 PM
110

My last ex was picking on me and accusing me of meeting up with an ex, because in a drunken state he screenshotted a two-year old photo of me and an ex (that he found while digging through my cloud account). Even though the time on the photo was when I was right next to him. He spent 3 days yelling at me and cursing me out on and off, and on the final day, still stuck in that abusive cycle, I tried to apologize to him. He laughed in my face. Something snapped and when he stormed out for the thir…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 08:37 PM
4

It’s not short men per se that’s the problem. I’m 5’4” and I’m happy with men just a couple inches taller than me. I know many women feel the same way. The problem is short men’s inferiority and Napoleon complex. They’re the ones that make it a problem, not us, and act all weird and insecure about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/21 06:45 PM
15

Oh no…I have personal experience with the type of guy you’re describing and it DID NOT turn out well! So glad you got away from him and don’t speak to him anymore. Believe me, you dodged a bullet. My last ex sounded so much like that guy you’re describing. Nagged to move in with me after 2 weeks, told me he loved me at 3 weeks, bringing up marriage and constantly around that mark too, saying how he wanted to “impregnate me” and he wanted to be with me forever. No respect for my boundaries when I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 03:54 PM
36

I agree with you. I always thought a little bit of jealousy was okay. But so many men turn that around and use their jealousy to control you and make everything your fault. according to them, men aren’t responsible for the bad things they do. Got it /s I had another misogynistic ex tell me that if a woman cheated with another man, it was always her fault because “mEn CaN’t HeLp It, it’s up to her to say no!” Misogyny at its finest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 09:20 PM
138

This is horrifying and so incredibly selfish. Male jealousy is truly terrifying. I am so sorry for all the families involved. I dated one jealous, insecure man, and that was enough for me. If a male friend deigned to send me a friendly text to see how I was doing, I’d get an earful. If another man came up to me and talked to me, it was my fault for “encouraging” him. If I even made a comment on another man, even if it was “hey that guy’s hairstyle is so weird”, I got questioned on why I was look…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 06:04 PM
10

This sounds amazing! I’m waiting with bated breath 😊
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 12:32 AM
3

Omg!! 😍😍🔥🔥 I definitely jumped on the search-Tonga bandwagon…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 09:04 PM
31

Ugh, you just described my last ex. This is so true though. He treated me so well and spent freely on me in the first few months (I did too, but my purchases weren’t as expensive because I didn’t make as much as him), until he started insinuating that I was a GoLd DiGgEr and slowly, started asking me for more and more stuff, asking me to cover vacations and he’d “get the next one” (he never did), and to demanding 50/50 for EVERYTHING.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 04:33 AM
8

Thanks for the review! I just downloaded it onto my Kindle 🥰
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 11:46 PM
2

Can attest to this! My abusive ex had a sweet cat, who he said he loved very much. He called his cat “h0” on the reg, would throw pillows at him and yell at him to shut up with the cat started meowing, I’ve seen him physically push the cat away when the cat tries to cuddle with him or jump on his lap (so he just ended up sleeping next to me instead). Basically getting upset if the cat expressed his needs. He also talked about his cat in terms of “he needs to be controlled”. Of course, he ended u…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 05:14 PM
24

Good for her! Men like this want control and have you on THEIR terms. It’s about getting an ego boost from your attention and having you try harder hoping to change their mind. Then they hope you’ll stick around so they can use you for sex/as their emotional tampon and wait for them. Then they get stunned and “devastated” when you agree with them and leave them alone! Fuck that. This has happened to me a few times. One guy I was in a situationship with for a month told me he wasn’t ready for a r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/21 10:03 PM
2

Wow, I’ve never heard of her until you posted this. She is amazing! AND an animal rights activist, to boot. Am in the process of checking out more of her work 😊
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 07:00 PM
15

Love it 😍
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 01:51 AM
14

I think women are hilarious. You ladies crack me up on a daily basis and I LOL on the reg when I’m listening to the FDS podcast. My girlfriends and female colleagues regularly make me snort with laughter. I know I’m funny, and I’ve had exes and ex-male “friends” flat out tell me I’m not funny or get upset when I make jokes. Funny enough, those are the same men who proclaim that women aren’t funny and then proceed to make some sexist or racist “joke” and then get upset when I don’t laugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 01:50 AM
157

99% of the time, it IS the woman who is expected to give everything up to live with the man. I’ve had 2 LDRs in my late teens - early 20s. One ex refused to move to me, and my other ex was willing to move because he thought he could mooch off me. The only other LDR I know now is my best friend and her husband, and it seems to be expected that she will give up her life here to be with him wherever he is (he is military). She never even considered the possibility that he would give up his life for…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 01:02 AM
25

Beautiful list and so much truth. This has been my experience. When my exes refused to escalate into marriage - they wanted to just use me financially/emotionally with as little work as possible on their end. When another ex took 6 months just to call me his girlfriend, he was talking to other women and guaranteed trying to secure dates with them (and likely was out in dates on days/nights he mysteriously disappeared). Another situationship did not escalate because he was shopping around for oth…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 04:55 AM
9

Agree with you! Never chase a man! They lose respect for you, or (try to) use you for sex or FWB. I chased men in my pickme days, and I had women friends (now ex-friends) who encouraged it and chased men themselves. They wound up with guys who used them for booty calls, in situationships, or wound up as forever girlfriends. Men want what they have to work for. I’ve never in one situation had it work out in my favor when I chased men in the past. Remember if he wants you bad enough, he will move …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 10:52 AM
12

Just…no. Agree with the other ladies here who suspect that the pic isn’t even him. Of course you can’t see his face in it…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 10:36 PM
14

Men who “joke” about stuff like this are always raging misogynists at the very least, and you know they would assault/rape women if they could get away with it. And they have zero respect for women. An ex-male friend always made those kinds of “dark” jokes, always ragging on women, and another ex-boyfriend constantly made offhand comments about why rape wasn’t a big deal (“iT’s JuSt SeX!!!1111”) and he once made a comment about how if he could, he would go out and find the youngest, prettiest wo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 10:35 PM
22

LOL I love this 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 10:19 PM
12

Thank you for posting this, I needed to hear this today. I was actually just thinking about how I ruined my reputation at one job and lost friendships because of my pickme and man-chasing tendencies. I was a pickme for 10 years, up until my early 30s. I’m mourning those years lost. And all that makes me so sad. I’m 36 now and finally coming into my own, and happily single, but I wish I had this realization earlier.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 06:57 AM
7

It’s tough. You want them to see the light but they refuse to, and even get mad at you/stop talking to you if you criticize their LVM, who they will defend to the death. I never stopped talking to a friend or family member when I was a pickme, but I’ve gotten upset and super defensive when they pointed out very valid criticisms of my exes. These women feel like it’s better to have a piece of crap man than be alone. Unfortunately we can’t force our views on them. If they want to see it and make a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 11:21 PM
5

My friends also said the same thing. That maybe the guy was too scared to make a move or he just didn’t know what I wanted! One of the guys I chased was also fat AND in a wheelchair (I sank pretty low), and my low effort BF was ugly. But yes definitely, lesson learned 😖
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 10:58 PM
26

It totally is! I 100% feel you, girl. I’m so embarrassed at my past self. Did those guys tell you straight up that they didn’t want a relationship and you still chased them? Because that happened to me and I STILL thought I could change their mind 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 02:53 PM
3

So whether we marry older or younger…we die earlier regardless? Is this what the article is trying to say??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 06:41 AM
4

I had two male interns who were both younger than me. My last intern looked like he could have been 10 years older than he really was, and my current one…I thought he was my age (mid 30s) but turns out he’s under 30 😵‍💫 I also worked with a man who was my age but was half bald (total hat fisher), wrinkles showing around his eyes, yellow teeth, and had a massive belly. I also bet your friend’s new man is even older than he says he is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 06:36 AM
1

Oof, so hot 🔥🔥
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 06:09 AM
6

So, so true. Lmao @ “phenomena of circling penises” I also used to think this was a compliment, that they couldn’t stop thinking about me. But no, they just failed to do “better” and come crawling back hoping you still have the same low standards and are as desperate as they are. To boot, guarantee you’re not the only one they’re trying to hit up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 06:08 AM
2

Amazing and so inspiring 🤩
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 06:06 AM
2

If they won’t do the work now, when they’re supposed to be putting their best foot forward, they sure as hell aren’t going to do the work later.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 06:05 AM
3

This isn’t funny, it’s downright sad and I feel sorry for these women. Also makes me glad I’m not stuck with a useless scrote. Laughing at things like this normalizes it and it absolutely should not be normalized for men not to pull their weight taking care of a child THEY helped create. I always hear stories about my friends’ and coworkers’ husbands refusing to do anything for their birthday or Valentine’s Day, yelling at them, refusing to go down on them yet expect BJs and anal, “forgetting” t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 06:02 AM
1

Aww it really is so cute 🥰
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 05:54 AM
14

You just described one of my exes. I stuck with him for SEVEN YEARS hoping he would propose. He kept dangling the carrot in front of me knowing that’s what I wanted (at the time, now I could care less), and kept saying “one day, maybe I’ll be ready”. He knew he had me on the hook. Thank God I never had kids with him (he complained enough about paying for the son he already had). But once I broke up with him, guess what he did? Tried to propose and told me “if you come back to me I promise I’ll m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 05:50 AM
3

Congratulations on dumping him!! And glad you are feeling much better. Nothing like dropping the dead weight. Let me guess 🚩 he gaslit you and was dismissive of your concerns? Turned everything around so it was your fault? Told you to stop making everything into a big deal?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 05:46 AM
3

👆this! I still do cringe at my past pickme behaviors though 😬
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 05:42 AM
18

In my culture, I was always told that “women are the prettiest between the ages of 15-25, then their looks start fading” How untrue that was…I’m 36 now and frequently get mistaken to be in my 20s. My mom is in her mid-60s and could pass for 10-15 years younger. Same with my 86-year old grandma and 70-year old aunt. My female coworkers are all in their mid 30s-40s but you could never tell just by their looks. I can’t even find most men in their 30s attractive anymore. The years of not moisturizin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 05:41 AM
475

Ugh I wished someone screamed this at me during my pre-FDS, man-chasing pickme days, up until a year ago. For 3 years, I chased 4 different men, one who was a super low effort BF, one who didn’t want a relationship with me, and two who didn’t even want to actually date me. I was foolishly hoping I could somehow make them see my worth or love me. Yet they were all content to at least try and use me for sex. You are absolutely correct. Never chase men. They will just think they can do better than …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 05:09 AM
23

👆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 12:07 AM
23

First - congratulations on getting out of a terrible isituation and glad to hear you’re doing better 💗 Yes, their mask will slip once they’ve “gotten” you, whether it’s cohabitation, marriage, and/or children. They will show you this amazing side of themselves to trap you, and once they think you can’t get out, they revert to their selfish, oftentimes abusive self. I made the same mistake, except I moved in with my last ex after only a few months (he pressured me hardcore and I sadly gave in). I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 07:31 PM
4

Because society treats singledom in women as some kind of disease, and we can’t possibly be happy being single! (The amazing older single women I know say otherwise…) I left an abusive ex 2 months ago. Immediately I started hearing “oh don’t worry, you’ll find someone soon!” “Are you talking to anyone yet?” “let’s hope the next guy is better!” “Thank god you left him, now you can start dating again”. Or friends & family who tell me to “hurry up because I’m running out of time”. I don’t care for …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 08:06 PM
9

Are all LVM/NVM the same? My last ex verbally, borderline physically and emotionally abused me, and accused me of cheating with anything that resembled a male. After I had enough and left, he tried for a whole month to get me back. All the while telling me all the “horrible” things I did to him, how useless I was, and how I was “just like all the other women” who hurt him. Then he swore up and down that he loved me and that he’ll change if I come back. No thanks. He’s now blocked. An ex before t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 07:58 PM
9

Finally a word to describe my last ex! He’d gaslight and dismiss me, then call me the worst names in the book, dig through my phone, and accuse me of cheating with every man who so much as said hello to me. Then he griped about how nobody loves him, he didn’t deserve love, and how he knew I was too good to be true and I was just like “all the other women who cheated on him” 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 11:18 PM
2

Whew!! fans self 🔥🔥
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 07:37 AM
37

Gaslighting at its best and responsibility avoidance! Note they never acknowledge what they did to make their exes act “crazy”. I had 3 exes like this. One was a gaslighting, dismissive misogynist who felt entitled a young mommy bangmaid. The other two were batshit crazy, super insecure with shit communication skills, and one verbally and emotionally abused me. Who’s the crazy one?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 06:53 PM
26

I love this so much. I think we can all relate to her in some way. I fell into that trap of always needing to be in a relationship, even chasing after guys who didn’t want anything serious, or who clearly just wanted to hook up (I cringe so hard thinking about those days). After 20 years of being in relationship after relationship and never truly being alone (when I was single for brief times, I was always talking to someone). Now at 36, after having left my abusive ex a month ago, I’m totally a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 06:49 PM
9

Can confirm that they just want a young woman to groom and be their plaything. I used to believe the myth of “older men are more mature/financially stable”. What a lie. There’s a reason why they can’t get women their own age. I fell in the trap of dating someone 19 years older than me - he was 45 and I was 26. He manipulated and dismissed my concerns every chance he got, using my age against me. “When you’re older, you’ll see what I mean” and “you wouldn’t get it, you’re too young.” And he was b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 11:09 PM
7

This is wonderful, thank you so much for sharing! I too, needed to hear this today. I’m so happy that things are looking up for you 💙 I’m only a month out from breaking up with my abusive narc ex, and he tried to suck me back in a few times in the last 4 weeks. Today I finally gathered my resolve and blocked him. I’ve never felt so free.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 03:44 AM
2

This is next on my reading list! I read another of her books, called The Verbally Abusive Man: Can He Change? While stuck in a relationship with my emotionally and verbally abusive ex. Glad to see this is FDS-approved. I look forward to digging in =) PS I am totally down for a book club!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 01:17 AM
28

Is it any wonder that the scrotes who insist on “sexual compatibility” are usually the worst in bed? Either that, or they have the emotional capacity of a two year old. You’re absolutely right. It’s 110% bullshit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 08:29 PM
22

This is a tough situation! On one hand, I used to be that pickme friend who put up with shitty partners and vented to my friends, but was too afraid to leave for this crippling fear of being alone. Now that I’ve found FDS and grown up, my eyes are open to just how badly some of my friends treat and are treated by their partners. I saw one male friend berate his longtime girlfriend in public, getting visibly exasperated and saying “wow you are so fking stupid” My most recent ex’s best friend call…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/21 08:24 PM
2

Thank you for sharing! Is there a way to watch this in the US? I recently got out of an abusive relationship. My ex never hit me but he emotionally, verbally, and borderline physically abused me and said multiple times that “I made him act that way” and refused to acknowledge it as abuse. So I’d love to check this documentary out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 04:55 AM
7

I dated a 45-year old when I was 26, for 7 years 🤢 I thought he was such a godsend at the time because he had a full time job, his own apartment, and he supposedly had his sh*t together. And granted, he didn’t look bad for his age. My ex before him was young and immature and unemployed. He turned out to be broke, entitled, had a wandering eye and shamelessly flirted with, talked to me about, and constantly texted with women he found attractive (all my age or younger than me), was misogynistic, s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 04:41 AM
3

Good for you and good riddance to your ex! It can be so tough to get away from narcissistic abusers. Takes so much strength to break away :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 07:21 PM
6

Thank god you dodged a bullet and got out! I thought the exact same way as you. He also called me damaged goods - “no wonder you’re 36 and never married”. They’re always projecting. Good riddance to them!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 07:21 PM
44

Thank you for posting this! I read through the whole thing and realized my most recent ex hit 18/20 points. I always put it up to "oh, he's just insecure and just needs someone to love him deeply"...no. He was a controlling, manipulative abuser.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 02:32 AM
3

This guy speaks the truth. I wish I internalized all of this earlier!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 03:57 PM
1

Congratulations on finding and loving yourself!! 💕He didn’t deserve you. Good riddance to that abusive loser.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 10:56 AM
2

Good for you, girl. I’m older than you, but I agree with what you said about having that vision of the relationship in your head. Dangerous thinking and “what could be” is what gets you trapped in a relationship with a LVM/NVM. I know it did for me. I just left an abusive LVM. My exes before him were also LVM and NVM. I’ve done OLD. I’m tired of it all and for the first time since I was 16, I don’t want to date at all. Men no longer appeal to me the way they did when I was a pickme. If a HVM hap…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 10:52 AM
1

I just left an abusive ex and after being on FDS...I’m not sure I want to date for a long time. If ever again. LVM/NVM grossly outnumber HVM. It’s pissing me off that “well-meaning” family members and some friends are like “Great I have SO many nice men to introduce you to!” Or “now you can start dating again and find a nice guy. Why not go back on OLD to just talk to people?” “If a guy approaches you, give him a chance!” No, no, and no!! I repeatedly told them I don’t want to date. If a HVM hap…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 03:02 AM
9

I need to start doing this! If I ever date again, that is. What are some examples of ball-busting? I’ve always been too nice/polite even when I don’t want to be!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 02:53 AM
15

Wow, you ladies have some amazing women in your families 💙 Mine is my aunt. She was given some money by my grandparents, and used it to build a fantastic real estate business, and she was able to retire early. She is mad rich, looks fabulous and nowhere near 70, and has always looked out for herself (and my brother and I). She travels the world with a great group of lifelong female friends. She never married or had children. My mom is another...survived abuse from my dad, and went back to medica…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 02:32 AM
37

Ugh girl, same. I never sent my abusive ex nudes, but shortly before we broke up I discovered a few nudes of me in his phone that he’d taken while I was drunk/didn’t know. He took his phone from me before I could delete them. Hopefully they don’t do anything with them 😬
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 02:24 AM
14

💯 projection. I’ve met tons of people in school, internships and work. The vast majority of women never “slept around”. Maybe I knew a small handful in my 36 years who did. And most of those women did so because they thought it was the only way to keep a man. It’s men that want to use women for sex and get as many “notches on the belt” as they can.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 04:00 PM
19

Love this, needed to see this today. I just left a man whose psychological abuse got worse and worse in time, and I stayed with him for a whole year. I have a wonderful support system but some people have asked “why didn’t you just leave? Why did you give him so many chances?” And it’s hard to explain. I’m still working on forgiving myself for putting up with the repeated episodes of abuse for so long. Never be ashamed of growing. We can all improve and learning is a lifelong experience. Don’t b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 05:00 PM
3

I agree with this 100%. I remember getting terribly sick from side effects from the 2nd dose of the COVID vaccine. His friends were helping us move into our new place at the time. I could barely stand, was in a lot of pain, and passed out really early that night. What did my ex do? Came into the room to check on me once. Got drunk and smoked cigarettes (which I hate and he knew). Got me ibuprofen only when I asked him groggily for it. Then drunk, had the nerve to come in later and ask me for sex…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 01:45 AM
17

Yup! SO not worth it. They didn't contact you because they didn't want to. That's it. Scrotes coming back isn't flattering, it's insulting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 01:39 AM
2

Thank you so much!! It took me a long time to acknowledge it as abuse. The gaslighting, broken promises, name calling, shaming, blaming, outbursts, constant accusations of cheating, violations of my privacy, double standards, and overall inconsideration. Since I've been at my mom, her and my grandma have been spoiling me...and they don't use it against me or make me feel like I owe them for it, unlike my ex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 01:32 AM
2

I don’t think she cheated. All he said was that he caught her sneakily talking to other men and after they broke up, she got together with one of them. He said she’s in the hospital because of a car accident 🙄 I actually never suspected him of cheating, but he’s definitely hid alcohol and drug abuse from me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 11:43 PM
2

Thank you madholley! Your words warmed my heart. I actually started to believe I was the cause of his pain and bad behavior toward the end. He told me “you make me want to drink everyday because I can’t trust you” and “I smoke cigarettes/do drugs because you stress me out” and “You’re lucky I forgave you after you lied and deceived me”. Disregarding the fact that I lied to avoid a tantrum and more verbal abuse and I hadn’t lied since. I tried so hard to meet his needs and accommodate him but it …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 11:37 PM
2

Yes I agree. I have no desire to date anymore. My family is being a little pushy - “now you can finally meet a great guy! I have so many guys to introduce you to!” It’s annoying but I hold firm and tell them straight up I don’t want to date for a good while. That was my mistake. Never focusing on myself enough.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 11:29 PM
3

Thank you for posting this!! I just broke up with my emotionally and verbally abusive bf. Of course he was guilting and shaming me and doing everything he could to try and get me back. It was only when I told him he should be glad to be rid of me if he really believed I was a chronic liar and cheater, that he stopped with the text spamming. Sometimes you just hit that breaking point. Do what’s right, don’t let them try and convince you otherwise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 07:12 AM
1

Damn, the abusive LVM I just broke up with was all of the above. Except he was wasn’t close to other women, I think he secretly hates women. He told me he was emotional at the start of the relationship. I didn’t take that to mean “batshit crazy” And yes he 💯 had NPD and BPD traits. No surprise there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 07:10 AM
5

This cracked me up 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 07:04 AM
14

Thanks for this! I’m actually going to contact a domestic violence hotline tomorrow to see what they can do to help me out of the situation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 06:33 AM
13

Thank you! And yes I agree it would never be enough. I came home when I said I would, he knew where I was at all times. Even having my mom confirm we were together wasn’t enough. Time and location stamped photos weren’t enough and sharing my location indefinitely with him. I often wondered if he had something to do with his ex-gf being in the hospital after an “accident”...supposedly she cheated on him too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 06:32 AM
25

Definitely. He certainly had me fooled - he was the complete opposite of how he first made himself out to be. We actually broke up once and I fell for his lies that he would get help and be better. It lasted maybe a month, then the tantrums and accusations and abuse started again and lately, worsened. I knew then it would never get better. I told him if I was such a dirty lying cheater, he should be glad I’m gone. And if he was serious about changing, to get professional help and learn to contro…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 04:46 AM
17

Thank you!! I never thought I’d have the nerve to leave the way I did. Its bittersweet but I feel so much freer. My mom said she was so happy to have me back ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 04:42 AM
18

Oh God, yes those are red flags for sure!! #1, #2, #4, #7, #8, #9 were ALL part of the guy I just broke up with. Except this guy didn’t cry when backed into a corner, but he would rage. Thank God you got rid of that loser.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 03:59 AM
12

Ugh, good riddance! I dated a porn addict for 7 years. He couldn’t even get hard without using porn and he thought it was his God-given right to have as many 20something year old women as he wanted, while he was out of shape and nearing 50 at that point. Don’t beat yourself up, we all had our reasons for staying in bad relationships. Live and learn, and enjoy being single for awhile and live your best life. I just broke up with my abusive LVM and its bittersweet. We did have some good times but …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 03:53 AM
2

Wtf is this crap...I’m so glad I don’t have any social media anymore. Outside of Twitter, but I use that for gaining a writing platform strictly. This makes me sick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 07:10 PM
6

The only way to do it 👍
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 04:05 PM
5

Agree 100%!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 04:03 PM
10

8 years?! OMG, Sean needs to just go away. How does he keep finding you even after you change your number? I thought it was bad when a scrote from 2 years ago called me on his new number, because I blocked his old one. The audacity 😒
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 03:59 PM
5

That’s so sad and creepy, wtf. Can you get security to kick him out or stop him from getting into the parking lot?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 03:47 PM
16

Girl same!! I thought it meant that they couldn’t stay away or couldn’t stop thinking about me. All it means is that they had you on the backburner the whole time because they thought they could do better. They realize they can’t, so they try and come crawling back. Its pathetic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 03:46 PM
9

😂 He was already starting to bald back then...it definitely got worse when I saw him over video last week. I should also mention he’s a little younger than me, lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 03:44 PM
6

Lol yup, pretty much. They’re so transparent!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 03:42 PM
9

It’s like they all follow some sort of scrote-y script 😐
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 11:03 AM
6

Ok so what’s their excuse when they’re married or in a relationship then?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 09:06 PM
5

Boy, this hurts to hear and I learned this the hard way. My ex who I thought was just “avoidant” just didn’t care to make an effort. Considering how I used to chase after him just to know if he was actually going to show up for our dates. Makes me sick thinking about it now >.>
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 09:01 PM
6

It took me over three decades to finally realize that a woman’s youth is NOT everything. Growing up with mostly males in my generation, old school parents plus cultural and societal influences, it was drilled into my head that women were essentially old useless maids if they were still single by 25. I was constantly told to “hurry up and find a good man”. I wish I had found FDS earlier. I spent so many years chasing loser men, lowering my standards more and more, staying in relationships that we…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 04:22 PM
132

Ugh, remembering back to my pickme days when I was SO flattered by male attention and would do anything to get it, even if it meant chasing THEM. And the majority of them were losers. Nowadays...male attention just irritates me. Probably because 99% of the time, they’re just interested in sex or anything else they could get from you (money, emotional support etc). My mom told me when I was younger that “men will stick their dick in anything, don’t be too flattered”. Wish I listened to her more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 10:47 AM
22

Love this!! Congratulations, what an accomplishment 👸 Don’t keep anyone around who doesn’t show support in your accomplishments. These are the same men who will whine and pout if you don’t celebrate their successes. I remember when my NVM ex traveled to attend my graduation ceremony when I got my doctorate’s, but then flat out refused to even buy me dinner afterward.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 09:07 PM
2

And they try to turn around and say women “trap” them into having a baby. I hope she dumps the guy, has the abortion if she wants, and finishes school. He cannot wait a year for kids...he is trying to control her and keep her under his thumb. Reminded me of a pickme friend I once had, who had dreams of finishing grad school and getting into my field of work. Her husband was hardcore pressuring her to have kids, when she clearly said she wasn’t ready. They are in their mid-20s and he supposedly c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 10:45 AM
6

I wish I read this back in my pickme/man-chaser days (cringe). I always thought if he didn’t want me, I could just chase him harder 🤡 having pickme friends didn’t help, either... Remember, if people want to, they will. Especially men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 10:32 AM
10

Wtf is wrong with him?? Yeah and it’s always “a joke” when they see you’re rightly offended. What a jerk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 09:26 PM
4

Just thinking about the amount of scrotes I met who ghosted me or just flat out ignored me when I wouldn’t sleep with them when they wanted...and some of them didn’t even take me out on a date. The audacity and entitlement is astounding. I don’t sleep with a guy unless I feel really comfortable with him, and I’ve only slept with boyfriends...except one situationship, but he really did work hard to “get” me and honestly had me believing he wanted a relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 09:24 PM
128

Most of my former relationships were full of cringe! But here are two memorable ones, both from the same ex-NVM. When my dog died, I was inconsolable for a good couple months. He showed zero sympathy and said “It’s not like it was an actual person that died” and a few weeks later, he got annoyed and told me to “get over it already”. And when he first asked me out, my grandma had passed away. Asked how I was doing, I said my grandma died, and his response? “Oh sorry to hear. So are we still on to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 03:31 AM
12

I'm definitely in the same boat. Although, I used to be a LVW who valued male validation above all else. I'm leveling up now though, and looking back, most of my good friends were pickmes. One friend complained about how her husband was a bully and yelled at her a lot, yet she stayed with him because of his ethnicity. Another one of my closest friends was cheating on her husband, and was STILL looking for other guys outside her husband AND her boyfriend, because she literally could not survive w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 05:21 AM
8

Um, no. Just no. Maybe because we suffer more if we get an STD...and we can get pregnant? Oh, and we’re not guaranteed an orgasm. I only know two women who slept with their now-husbands on the first date, and it worked out. Its the exception, NOT the norm. And plus, I don’t know or trust the guy. Why should I give my body to him so soon? I have nothing to gain and everything to lose.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 08:01 PM
2

💯 Love love love this 💜💜 More girls and young women need to see this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 07:57 PM
8

Yes, this has been my experience too. Those sassy responses are great and funny in theory, but doesn’t always work IRL, and especially not in private. Maybe in public. They’re yelling at you, they’ve already lost control. If you rile them up more or embarrass them, there’s no telling what they’ll do next. And then blame you for escalating, and if he hits you, you “made him do it”. They may also choose places where you can’t walk away, such as yelling in the car while they’re driving. So be caref…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 07:51 PM
14

Yes 🙌 I’ve also seen this during my days of OLD. You HAVE to vet ruthlessly and verify! They have zero issues with lying to you. I met one “dermatologist” who really just worked in a lab making skincare products. Didn’t have his MD and when he finally told me his last name, I looked him up and his graduate school didn’t even have a medical school. Then again, he also lied about having a live-in girlfriend (his “sister” when he talked about her). Another guy I once dated claimed he was an enginee…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 07:41 PM
73

I agree! Both my mom and my aunt (in their mid - late 60s) are single now. My mom never remarried and my aunt never married at all. Both of them? Look fantastic, have so many friends and are super sociable, and my aunt has lots of money and travels all the time. My mom takes care of my grandma, who in turns takes care of her financially. I'm in my mid-30s...and honestly? The more I see LVM/NVM (the majority btw), the less I want to settle down. If things don't work out with my current boyfriend,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 02:54 AM
17

Most male "friends" aren't your friends. They either are waiting for an opportunity to hit on/sleep with you, they have a friend that wants to get with you, or they're only friendly because you give them free emotional support. And they will play the long game. That's why I dropped most of my male "friends".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 12:16 AM
3

I’ve been where she is. I’ve had 4 exes, and only my first one ever did anything special for Valentine’s Day...for the first year we were together. Then it became “its a Hallmark holiday, we shouldn’t celebrate it anymore.” Same sentiment with my ex after that. I became brainwashed into believing it wasn’t a big deal, even though it always made me a little sad. After that, my last ex bought a petite cake for me and then bolted after 30 minutes for “family emergency”. I never got to eat the cake …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 04:45 PM
6

There is absolutely nothing empowering about hooking up. All benefit for the male, none for the woman. It’s a rare guy that will make sure you get off, too. I distinctly remember my mom telling me this, and then as an example, she talked about the song ‘Summer Nights’ from Grease. In it, she said you can see how differently men and women think. I’m still embarrassed about the single hookup I had, on some guy I had a major crush on in my super pickme days, who just ghosted me afterward. I just th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 02:28 PM
1

Love your message. I’m ashamed that I was definitely guilty of hating younger, prettier, talented women back in my hardcore pickme days. I was nice to their face, but never bothered to get to know them and inside, I hated them. I lost a lot of valuable connections and friendships, especially when I believed male validation meant everything. How dumb I was. What you described was me in a nutshell. It was only after I went to therapy and found FDS that I realized that women need to elevate and sup…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/21 09:04 PM
3

That’s gross...never understood why some men refuse to take care of themselves and think it’s “gay”. My boyfriend is paralyzed and even he makes sure his feet are always washed thoroughly and moisturized!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/21 08:17 PM
4

I hate this. Almost all of my exes didn’t want to do anything for Valentine’s Day, calling it a “Hallmark holiday” 🙄 they would begrudgingly take me out or buy me something small if I asked. One of my old friends told me how her husband didn’t believe in Valentines Day and refused to do anything for her. Said she was ok with it but definitely didn’t sound like she was. My boyfriend asked me a week ago if I wanted to go out or if he could cook for me for Valentine’s Day. And he said he already pl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/21 05:30 PM
59

His “friend made the profile for him”?? That’s such BS. Sorry to hear your friend stayed with him and believed him. Bet his account is still active, right? I caught my ex on Plenty of Fish...he was constantly getting emails on new matches. Guess what his excuse was? His friend made a profile for him “as a joke”. I actually believed him for a little while, sadly. They always use the same tired excuses and lies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/21 05:20 PM
3

Congratulations!! I'm a physical therapist who works very closely with occupational therapists, and know so many fantastic ones. Great career choice =)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 05:35 AM
4

Oh girl, I hear you on that. I hated dating, especially OLD. I hated trying to get to know a guy, and then realizing that he really has no interest in me at all. Only what he can get from me, whether it be sex or something else. Disappointment over and over. My boyfriend now is great, but if we break up...I'm done dating. I've had men try to "threaten" me by saying that if I don't do so and so or act in such and such way, I'll end up single and alone. Like that's hardly the worst thing to be. Ev…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 12:48 AM
1

Ew, what a creep. So much for being a “friend”! And I agree. I’m sure there are men out there who are fully capable of being a true friend to you. Those men are usually gay. Most of the time, they become “friends” with you for a reason: 1) They think they have a shot at a relationship/sex with you. 2) They want a relationship/sex with someone in your circle and are using you to get to them. Or 3) One of their friends wants to get with you and they’re helping their friend out. I learned this the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 06:52 PM
2

Ugh this was 100% me up until a year ago (and I’m in my mid-30s!!). I valued male attention above everything else, and I had so many pickme friends who were the same way. Male attention is cheap, easy to come by, and they have no standards. Plus 99% of the time, they just want to sleep with you and don’t really care about getting to know you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 06:23 PM
84

Always listen to your gut! And kudos for not falling for his crap and not giving up your career because of it. If he really loved you, he would wait a couple years until you’re finished with school and have a established career to start a family. I truly believe men like this want children on THEIR terms because they see it as their right, and to control you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 04:49 PM
2

*Hyper-religious *Porn use/OF user/follows half naked women or porn stars on social media *Smoker (cigarettes...hate the smell/taste and I have asthma. I don’t mind weed if it’s used occasionally or for medicinal purposes) *Children from a previous relationship *Eats like shit, is a slob, doesn’t work out *Emotionally immature or avoidant *Can’t or won’t cook or clean or split the chores *Alcoholics and workaholics Of course cheating and abuse but that goes unsaid!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 04:40 PM
13

I mean. This is sad, but in my dating experience...it’s all true!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 04:31 PM
65

As an woman of Chinese descent...I find this fascinating, and thank you for posting ❤️ I was just thinking about this, how whites consider us “superior minorities”. I remember I had an ex who’s family was very racist...of course he had “yellow fever”. Wanting Asian women for our looks and build, and misogynists truly believe we’re more submissive. He even said because we “respect (read: serve) men more than Western women” 🤢 They were extremely prejudiced against blacks and considered Asians “pre…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 04:29 PM
128

Yup! All the pickme friends I’ve ever had can’t get a guy to commit to them (stuck as forever gfs or FWBs or situationships). OR they’re in an unhappy marriage where the husband disrespects or emotionally/verbally abuses them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 04:20 PM
4

This is great 😅 If I find myself out in the dating world again, and some scrote says that, I’m definitely saying this back to him. Then he’ll either be up to the challenge, or I get to watch him ghost and run away. Win win!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 04:17 PM
5

What a class act. She dodged a bullet. “Whatever we have”? Did he even know they’re in a relationship? Hopefully in time, she’ll realize she’s better off without this loser.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 04:03 PM
7

Yeah, it’s “fantasy” and then they want to do it IRL. Funny thing is, if there’s something you ever want to try out on them (especially something that puts them in submissive position), there’s a big problem. Hypocrites much?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 04:00 PM
6

Yes!! Thank you for putting into words something I’ve noticed, but had me scratching my head. ALL of the last 3 men I dated (well, one situationship) treated their moms well and obviously loved them, and their sisters/female cousins/nieces. But outside the family? If you weren’t attractive, they wouldn’t give you the time of day and had no problems calling other women derogatory names or putting them down. All 3 were misogynistic, pornsick LVM & NVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 03:54 PM
10

Interesting, my friends said this to me too. Like you, I also thought it was harsh and ‘’maybe he hasn’t found the right woman”, which is what they all say. The divorced men at least know off the bat if they want to marry again or not. The bachelors are content to string you along until they figure out whatever the hell it is they still have to figure out. Or they have commitment issues. My last ex was 38 and never married, and the more I got to know him, the more I understood why. He was a mama…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 03:50 PM
52

I don’t mind a divorced man, depending on how long ago the divorce was, if he still is in contact with the ex, and the circumstances that led to the divorce. Single dads though? No way. Either they want a free nanny, they’ll never have time for you, and you’ll be last on their priority list, and they’re usually cheap with you. I dated one for 7 years and he bragged about being a “part-time dad” and that he got to have his son around for all the fun times. He just wanted a son to carry on his “Le…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 03:16 PM
4

This woman is amazing! I hope I look that put together when I’m 94! My mom has been divorced from my dad for 20+ years. She’s dated around but never got into another relationship. Won’t remarry. And honestly, I’ve never seen her healthier or happier. She’s 64 and could pass for 20 years younger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 03:35 PM
6

I dated a single dad for 7 years. He claimed his ex “tricked” him into having the son, and he conveniently divorced her a few months after his son was born. Bragged about being a “part time dad” and he did all the fun stuff with his kid every other weekend. He just wanted a son to carry on his last name (barf). A stepmom is the most thankless job ever. And yes, the ex wife/girlfriend/baby mama will always be in the picture. The kids most likely will not respect you and try to walk all over you. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 11:00 PM
93

FDS changed my life and made me realize that all those things I was uncomfortable with in prior relationships...is okay! Even though I was always told I need to chill out/am too insecure/all guys are like that, so I better get used to it. I used to be a super pickme who chased men and valued male attention over everything. Now I’m not afraid to speak up and if I lose the guy, I’m not afraid to be alone. I am enough. I feel not all women support us because deep down, they know we’re right. It’s s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 10:43 PM
57

I’m also starting to see this more and more. It’s almost as if males know that women have more control and freedom than ever...so they suddenly want to be dads so the woman is stuck with them forever. I disagree with having a baby with someone you haven’t heavily vetted, and aren’t married to. I will never have a baby out of wedlock, even if it’s a long term relationship. My boyfriend’s 19-year old cousin got knocked up by her 25-year old boyfriend a month after they started dating. Everyone tho…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 05:19 PM
106

Oh God, this is so spot on. I’m 99% sure this is what happened with my last ex. Took him 5 months to make me his girlfriend and I definitely caught him talking to other women just a few weeks before. He seemed so reluctant to even call us exclusive before that. So yeah, pretty sure I was just the “last one standing” for him -_-
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 04:03 PM
2

Great, just say “thank God!” My mom and dad divorced when she was in her early 40s. She had the time of her life and went back to school. Said she’ll never marry again because she doesn’t want to be another man’s slave. My aunt is nearing 70, looks fabulous, has 2 houses and a lot of money. She’s constantly surrounded by friends and her family. Travels all the time. My other aunt who’s separated from my uncle, also travels all the time, looks great and spends lots of time with her friends. When …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 02:16 PM
4

This, 100%. He should want to be around your social and family circle just as much as you’re around his, and he should be ok spending time with his people alone, and be ok with you doing the same. If your only social life is based around him, you’re gonna lose most, if not all of them if you guys break up/divorce. My mom always said, their family/friends will almost always take their side. I learned the hard way, too. I was close with so many of my exes’ friends and family and they were hardly a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 01:58 PM
15

I have to say, you explained in a nutshell why I’ve been uncomfortable with SOs having close opposite sex friends. I have several male friends, but none that I would call close. I know all of their fiancees/girlfriends. And the one single male friend I have, there’s zero attraction between us and we never hang out alone. I had one male friend who was attracted to me, and when I was in a bad place with my NVM ex, he was there for me...and even though we never had sex, we still did things that wer…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 12:03 PM
3

Yes, my dad told me that it’s easier to be alone than to be with something rotten. I wish I had listened to him more. Sunk cost fallacy is a real thing...I wasted years with LVM/NVM, just because I was too afraid to leave when I knew I should. When I left my last 2 exes, it hurt a lot and I cried for a couple days. Then I was fine and...relieved!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 11:41 AM
24

QUEEN!! 👑👸 You’re an inspiration to all womankind. If your SO tries to make you choose your career or him, always choose your career. You can always find another man if you so choose. Congratulations and keep being awesome 👏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 02:54 AM
16

She’s awesome! Porn is cheating. Period. Thank God I found this sub and decided to actually look into porn use and it’s effects on the brain/relationships. I used to watch porn because I thought it was just that - a fantasy that I could get off to. Then it became so that I couldn’t orgasm without porn (well, maybe it was also the LVMs I was dating). Yet, I was always uncomfortable with my ex-partners’ porn usage and for some, even watching it with them. I tried to be the cool girl and bought int…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 02:50 AM
7

Yes, block block block. They are shameless. Agree with the poster above to block and delete any guy who has your number and you’re no longer interested in. On any messaging app, too. I’ve had guys who I stopped talking to find me on WhatsApp and WeChat and try to talk to me there. I went on 5 dates with a guy who ghosted me, and then tried to get back together. Blocked him and he calls me 2 years later from A NEW NUMBER. Of course I picked up because I didn’t know it was him. Like I said, desper…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 02:30 AM
48

Good for you and girl, I hear you 100%. My older ex of 7 years was just like that, the resemblance is uncanny. I thought I was being such a good girlfriend by planning everything where he hardly lifted a finger. He did do dishes after I spent 2+ hours cooking a meal from scratch, but very often complained about how many dishes I used. Never planned a date past the first few times we went out. Hit on other women every chance he got. I also asked for basic consideration. Threatened to leave but he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 05:25 PM
10

The entitlement!! Then they have the nerve to bitch that women only want to use them for free food. Lol. Out of all the women I’ve known in my life, and I’ve known a LOT, only one admitted to doing this. Also because she was really young, and was duty dating after her then-boyfriend dumped her. The best is when they don’t buy you anything and show up looking like they got dressed in the dark, and then get mad when you don’t sleep with them. When I was OLD, the amount of males who thought they co…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 05:17 PM
6

We all have feelings, not all of them good. It’s what makes us human. Even if an ex was a terrible boyfriend/husband, they were still a part of your life, and it’s still a loss, even though you’re relieved they’re gone. I remember being in such a vulnerable/desperate place in my life for awhile, with everyone telling me I needed to hurry up and find a “good guy”, that I settled for a guy who wasn’t attractive and couldn’t even say he loved me after 8 months of dating, yet wanted me to act like a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 04:44 PM
9

Absolutely not...cheating (and abuse) are the ultimate forms of disrespect. It doesn’t seem like they have kids, so divorce should absolutely be an option. I didn’t read the comments but why should she forgive him? Guarantee if it was the other way around, Redditors would be telling the guy to divorce her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 04:28 PM
13

Communication? That’s not going to help for shit. My NVM ex was just like this. I can count on one hand the number of times he complimented me in 7 years together. Most of them was simply “you look nice.” Meanwhile, he had no issue complimenting other women or talking about how beautiful an actress or model was. Guess what, he didn’t respect me (or women as a whole) and he did exactly what a previous poster said, threw me a crumb every now and then so I’d be grateful for the minuscule amount of …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 11:47 AM
2

I spent a few months on dating apps in between my last 2 relationships. It can be scary...you never know who it really is that you’re meeting. You must vet them and do a background check if you can. And yes, at the very least, tell someone where you’re going, who you’re meeting, and that you’ll check in with them halfway through the date or sooner to give an update. I always told my brother, best friend, and either my mom or dad. And always meet in a public place for the first couple dates, at t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 11:03 PM
44

I’m so sorry he did that to you! Thankfully you’re no longer with him. What a right jerk. All hallmarks of someone who’s pr0nsick. I had one ex who was similar to that. He went down on me three times in the entire year we were together and made me orgasm one time. But he expected to jackhammer me every time I saw him and would be annoyed whenever I was on my period. Not to mention he had an “accidental slip” and constantly tried to get me to do anal and wouldn’t give up after I told him no multi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 08:04 PM
14

They just don’t go away!! Hopefully you just blocked him without responding. I can’t believe he found you on your work phone and asked that. They really can be such pests. The desperation is pathetic! I remember during my OLD days, if I stopped responding to a guy over text, they’d find me on WeChat and WhatsApp and message me there. This one guy had been blocked for almost 2 years (and he was the one who ghosted me and came crawling back), so he got a new number and called me out of the blue ac…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 07:50 PM
6

Totally! I had a pickme friend tell me it was a compliment because he never forgot me and was probably in love. I was like...no, it’s actually an insult. They fade you out, like you said, try unsuccessfully to upgrade and have more oPtIoNs, and when nothing pans out, they come crawling back. So you’re pretty much their fallback plan. And I love how they try to pick up as though nothing happened and don’t understand when you want nothing to do with them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 05:47 PM
51

Oh, I have two. Both from Coffee Meets Bagel. Back in fall of 2018, went on 4 dates with this guy, the last date being a hangout with all his friends for a Halloween party. Then, for over a month with random texts here and there, he never made another date. I lost interest and he tried to pick up over a month later like nothing happened. He comes back spamming me with texts and trying to make me feel guilty. I block and delete him. My blocked messages is full of texts from him that I never respo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 07:33 PM
13

I was the "cool girlfriend" up until a couple years ago...and I'm in my mid-thirties. When I thought back to what my dealbreakers were...I couldn't think of any. I used to brag that I had low expectations. So what did I attract? Low-effort men. You have to have standards and know what's negotiable and non-negotiable for you. Men will try to get away with doing as little as possible to keep you around. What men mean by "cool girl" is a woman who will sit back and let him do whatever he wants, whe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 06:51 PM
10

Eeww. He looks like he's never seen a shower in his life. I hate it when guys say things like that. "Girls have it SO much easier in dating!!" No, we don't. Then when I explain that we don't want the majority of guys who approach us, they get all butthurt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 04:33 PM
24

I hate this. Remember it's from the very first date, that sets the tone for the rest of the relationship. No time, place and date at least 48 hours prior = no date. I have too much shit to do to waste my time waiting for a half-assed, last minute date invite. With someone who's 90% guaranteed to be a waste of time, anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 05:08 PM
24

Yup, same here. I used to do the same thing, fake-laugh at clearly offensive jokes about being a woman and Asian, because I didn't want to come off as "emotional". If a guy ever dared to sing this to me, I'd tell him he can go date and have sex with beer, and leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/20 05:11 AM
3

We've all been there, and what matters is that you know now. Unfortunately societal and cultural norms try to tell us that we women are nothing without a man. In a lot of cultures, people wonder what's wrong with you if you're not married or have kids by a certain age. It's all B.S. It's never too late to better yourself and live your best life! I was just like you, in that the majority of my 20s and early 30s, I valued male validation over all else. I lost friends and respect from friends and c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/20 05:06 AM
4

I hated this about OLD. If there isn't a date, time, and place set, it's not a date and I'm making other plans. I've had too many guys try to waste my time with "maybe"s. I distinctly remember several of them saying things like "I'm DJing at a club tonight, you should come if you can!" Or if they're out with friends and invite me to come if I want to. Like, no. I'm on OLD to actually date, not tag along to someone's event for a first date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/20 04:07 AM
44

Yup, this is all very, very true. Men make up all kinds of excuses to stall you and keep you around. Unless you've been explicitly clear that you do NOT want marriage, he knows what you want. Men know right away if they see you as relationship, and eventually marriage material. If after at least a year of regularly seeing, dating, and sleeping with you, he still has no idea if he wants to marry you or not eventually, he doesn't. No problem with waiting a little longer if you're both young, or th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/20 03:58 AM
3

I love all you ladies! Self-care is key. I'm planning on staying in and hanging with our cat, doing my nails, doing a face mask, and relaxing with a glass or two of wine. And maybe some yoga and meditation if I'm up for it, before bed. Always take care of yourself ❤
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/20 02:29 AM
29

Yes! Never date broke scrotes. They'll want YOU to provide and pay for everything, but the moment you ask them to help pay for something..."wOmEn ArE gOlDdIgGeRs!!" They hope by saying this, you'll want to prove them wrong and always offer to pay. I had one ex who made 100k/year. But he was horrible with money and was chronically broke. He was so cheap and would complain if he had to pay for tip at a dinner that I paid for. My ex after him and my current boyfriend had and have no problem providi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 07:11 PM
137

Isn't being unfaithful the complete opposite of loyalty? This meme makes no sense...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 06:51 PM
5

I love getting phone calls from a guy vs just texting, but a mix of both is good. I agree that a guy who calls to make and confirm plans in this day and age is super attractive. My current boyfriend most definitely did that when we started dating. On that note, I also experienced the opposite. I went on 3 dates with a guy who also called to make and confirm plans, and also made plans for the next date before our current date was over. He had a live-in girlfriend of 3+ years, and he didn't want t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 08:01 PM
16

Yeah, no. Guarantee if she was the one who told him she got pregnant with another man's child, he'd be outta there so fast. Who is perpetuating these toxic mindsets?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 04:12 PM
8

Ugh, this was rough to read :( but sadly its too common with hookups. And also why I'll never do it. It's not liberating and it's not empowering. It's riskier for us than it is for the males. It's our bodies and reputation at risk, not theirs. The worst part is, they really don't care. I grew up with all boys and I've had a lot of male friends and colleagues. The way some of them talk about women they hookup with is absolutely disgusting and just reinforced my decision to only have sex in a comm…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 08:27 PM
3

What a piece of work 😠 so glad you were able to get out of that relationship! Realize that you might still feel sad for awhile, might even miss him. That's normal! Its still a loss in your life. Let yourself cry or mourn for a bit, then move on. Block and delete his number, and throw away (or burn!) anything you still have of his, or that he gave you. Then go take care of yourself. Spend some time with friends and family, book yourself a nice spa day, and if finances and time permit, book a nice…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 04:27 PM
6

Yes, how you met has nothing to do with who they are or how your relationship will be. We meet all sorts of people in all different situations. I too fell for this. In my last (and thankfully only) situationship, he was a cute guy who was a client of my company. He was so sweet and charming and so convincing (which I now know was love-bombing), that I gave him a chance. Well, after a month or two, he suddenly decided he wasn't ready for a relationship. I definitely held on because I wanted to ha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 04:14 PM
61

Yup, they think they've "won" because they see the partner as competition. If they can "steal" her man, then they think they're better than her. Too bad they don't realize he will end up doing the same thing to the woman who "stole" him, cause 99.9% of the time, he's a LVM/NVM. And typically, they're forever paranoid about their new man's trustworthiness. I know because I had a friend who did this. She "stole" her current husband away from his previous wife (who was pregnant at the time). Became…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 10:07 PM
18

Yes, the majority of them only promise to change when you're leaving them, or threatening to leave. My ex of 7 years refused to talk marriage, but when I finally left him, all of a sudden he wants to propose and get married ASAP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 08:27 PM
10

This is so true. My dad always told me a famous saying as well. "Its easier to move a mountain than change a person."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 08:25 PM
12

Ew, wtf is wrong with some people?? Just sick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 05:49 PM
3

Because they're so desperate to have someone that they'll put up with that behavior, and also believe his lies that he's "JuSt LoOkInG" or "I fOrgOt To DeLeTe it!!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 05:15 PM
12

Yes exactly. Also why guys want to be "exclusive but not in a relationship". He wants you to be faithful to him while he keeps his options open. Also, there's no guarantee that after you wait for him, he won't just dump you for some other woman when he's "all better" or achieved his goals. I had this happen to me. I stupidly waited for a guy for about a month or two while he got his life together. When he did, he was suddenly "not ready for a relationship" 😑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 05:08 PM
9

Girl, I feel you so much on this. In my culture, parents are traditionally emotionally detached from their children. My mom was very critical of me growing up, and my dad traveled so much for work that I barely saw him. I'm like you in being reserved outside of work, and also I've done some dumb things while drinking. For the exact same reason, that some guy was giving me attention.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 01:20 PM
17

Omg, that sounds just like my last ex!! He was ALWAYS falling asleep or too tired or "something came up". Yet he was never sleeping when it came to sexting or messaging other women. I'm not a great texter either, but that goes for everyone in my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 01:08 PM
8

A lot of men don't deserve to be fathers. Getting grossed out by your wife or partner's body after she just spent 9 months growing your child inside her, and then going through labor to bring that child into the world? Just plain depravity. I had an ex who kept saying he wanted children, but he would get really grossed out by periods and had to pick out every flaw on my body. He was definitely going to be one of those guys the OP's boyfriend were talking to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 02:08 PM
18

Sure, they want us to take over the traditionally male role, then they better be ready to take the traditional female role. They have to agree to doing all the childcare, housework, and cooking. And be my free emotional therapist and let me have my "freedom" whenever I want. Bet they would never agree to that though, won't they?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 08:05 PM
15

Yes, remember if you have to ask the guy to take the next, or even the first step, then he doesn't like or love you enough. I used to make all kinds of excuses why a guy wouldn't ask me out. Maybe he's too shy, he doesn't know I'm interested, blah blah blah. Now I realized it was just because he wasn't interested enough to ask. Most relationships I've seen where the woman initiated the first date or a relationship/marriage, she's getting cheated on or her SO doesn't respect her. Or she's still i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 07:55 PM
3

Agreed. I used to buy into the idea that a walk/coffee (or even drinks, ugh) "pre-date" was sensible, because if we didn't connect in person, then we could just end the meeting early. But now I see that its just cheap and low effort. It was always a waste of time. The last guy who wanted to do walk & coffee had a girlfriend of 3 years, and he was running rampant cheating on her. Even had the nerve to tell me I "wasn't like the other girls" and acted like he did me a favor by buying me a $5 coffe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 06:40 PM
28

Thanks! Lol these scrotes don't realize they're just giving us more publicity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 06:12 PM
77

Exactly! Thats actually how I found this sub...I saw this guy's post about how he felt betrayed that his girlfriend was on FDS. I came here to see what you were all about...then I never left 😁
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 04:52 PM
9

That double chin and receding hairline though 🙄 Maybe he should try looking in a mirror?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 08:19 PM
1

The audacity of these men! I didn't run into this problem much when I was OLD, but I have had guys ask me to go to their place to cook for me. I never went. Maybe we should start asking them "What kind of house/car would you buy me?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 08:16 PM
1

Oh, yes I can! One ex said this to me. That I'll never do better than him. He was broke, misogynistic and a p0rn-sick commitmentphobe. He was also older than me and would often tell me to listen to him because he knows better (lollll). They KNOW you can do better than them. That's why they're saying this. It's a feeble attempt in getting you to stay with them. They're the ones that can't do better, and they know it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 07:43 PM
3

Ummmm...hell no!! Why did these women allow this to happen? I've dated sports lovers (and my current boyfriend loves football) and I have my own favorite football and baseball team, but this is just degrading.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 07:39 PM
8

Can confirm. Back in my pickme days, I'd just started dating an older man (yup, fell for that lie). My grandma had passed away before our second date, and his response was "oh sorry. So we still on for tonight? I just wanna make sure." Without even missing a beat. Another coworker, who, upon learning that I had JUST broken up with my then-bf, immediately started saying "oh you don't need to suffer alone! LMK if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, btw, can I have your number?" Like, no, eff off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 04:58 PM
5

Quite possibly, I'm sure I was the woman he liked most at the time. I did catch him talking to other women even after I was his girlfriend, and when he described the ideal woman he wanted to marry, it most definitely did not describe me. Plus, he seemed like he was determined to keep me at arms length for the year we were together :/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 08:35 PM
13

I wish I had read this before my last ex...he was happy to date and sleep with me for a good 5 months before finally calling me his girlfriend. Seemed reluctant to even say we were exclusive.. And it still never actually felt like a relationship. He was definitely talking to other women while we were dating. My guess is it didn't work out with them, so he settled for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 12:47 PM
118

Yeah, they fail to realize that males unashamedly lie to get what they want, and they really don't care about the woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 06:55 PM
81

This is so sad. I had a male friend who frequented Reddit and Bodybuilding forums and this is how a lot of "men" talk on there. Makes me cringe. I only had sex with one person in a situationship, but only cause I was vulnerable and naive and he lovebombed me. I'll never do it again. This right here is why I will never have casual sex or even do casual dating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 06:48 PM
5

Yup, heard that too from men. I also feel safer with surveillance cameras around. I do have questionable stuff in my search history...but only because I'm a writer and I research a lot on Google 😁 So yeah, if a man makes jokes about having to delete his hard drive and isn't a crime/mystery/horror writer/author or the likes...that"s seriously creepy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 11:50 PM
17

Umm, wow. This woman's daughter is going to wind up with a deadbeat cheapskate loser. Ask me how I know... I'm so glad my parents never promoted this. They always told me "you better make sure the man takes care of you!!" But of course to take care of him in return. I just didn't listen and thought I was all independent by paying my own way, and even for him. Well, I wound up with lazy cheapskates who were content to leave me as a forever girlfriend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 09:20 PM
10

I needed this today. So many of you ladies have posted things that resonated with me. Especially realizing that the majority of my exes were like this. Matter of fact, most men I know are like this. The one ex I had who didn't gaslight me, never even wanted to acknowledge problems and would just disappear or yes me to death whenever I complained about something. So, not much better. I was routinely called "crazy", "selfish", "overreacting" and "jealous". One ex always told me I was "making a mou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 04:42 PM
2

Yes, I felt like he was keeping his options open during the month we didn't go out, and when none of them worked out, came crawling back. They're all the same. And good for you for saying that to the guy! They always come back when they realize that they aren't as desirable and wanted as they thought.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 01:28 PM
2

That's so amazing and I'm so happy to hear! I too, finally felt at peace with my last 2 breakups after blocking them and deleting their numbers, unfollowing them on social media, deleted all pictures with them in it, and threw out any clothes they left or anything they had gotten me. Always remember that if someone is a narcissistic abuser, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. The core of it, is that they're simply just selfish people and they need to address that themse…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 01:26 PM
4

We don't make it complicated, they just refuse to listen and see what's right in front of them. I went on a few dates with this guy, and he practically ghosted me for a month (would text me but wouldn't meet up again without any reason). I lost interest, told him so when he finally asked for another date over a month after our last one. Well, he got upset, I ghosted him, and he continued to text me every month or so for the next year. I never responded, and finally blocked him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 03:45 AM
20

Talk about projection and grasping at straws! Anything to blame their undesirability on everything else but themselves. I had an ex who constantly said I wanted to fuck a horse and bought me unicorn decal for my home, and once put unicorn porn on my computer when I wasn't looking. I never even told him that I had any particular fondness for horses OR unicorns, maybe just mentioned once offhand that I liked them. Looking back, he was definitely projecting his sick bestiality fantasies onto me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 03:21 AM
4

Awesome!! Ahh, expunging an ex from your life is SO cathartic 🤩
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 03:15 AM
6

Good, he deserves it. I love these stories where the husband wants an open marriage, sees his wife happier and more fulfilled without him...and he freaks out. And to think she had two children for him, too...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 09:41 PM
22

Ugh, I used to be like this, tricking myself into thinking it was no big deal. Now I feel differently. Because you all are right, he's getting his rocks off to another woman. Not to mention all the other issues with it. Ironically, these same men will suddenly have a problem with it and get all butthurt when you're getting off to images and videos of men who are hotter and have bigger dicks than them 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 08:27 PM
14

As someone who has experienced this over and over, with mostly men and some women (my mom is especially guilty of this and on occasion, my dad), this is super helpful. I tend to be quiet and non-confrontational so people think they can just talk over me >.> Thanks for posting this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 02:00 PM
4

I agree with you 100%! I made the mistake (twice 🤡) of sleeping with men who I wasn't in a relationship with. One made me his girlfriend after 5 months, but it never felt like we were in a relationship. The other one suddenly "wasn't ready for relationship" after 2 months. Waiting until the guy has made me his girlfriend, at the very least, has made me feel the most secure. The only way its acceptable to wait that long for marriage is if the couple started dating young. My best friend and her hu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 03:04 PM
3

23 years old and has ED? That's not normal. Especially since you guys haven't had sex yet.. Unless he suffered some kind of mental or physical trauma, and/or has a medical condition or spinal cord injury that affects his ability to get and sustain erections. But he needs to get help for that on his own. I can almost guarantee that this is porn addiction. One of my exes had this problem. He was in his mid-40s when we met and he wasn't able to sustain erections for more than 20-30 seconds. I attri…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 06:59 PM
1

Damnnnn...this triggered me. My friends and family used to always ask me why I was still with my last ex, even though he prioritized everything else over me, was broke and an avoidant. I used to be like "I'm not happy with him but the sex is so good!" Just cause he was well-endowed. But he thought that was the only bedroom and personality "skill" he needed. Hindsight is 20/20, but I can count on one hand the number of times he's gone down on me (pretty much the only way I can climax) in a year. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 06:44 PM
26

100% agree! I used to think that my mom was just bitter and hated men. She told us that she never remarried because she didn't want me to have a stepfather when I was a pre-teen/teen. Now, despite our differences, I realize that she was only trying to protect me. Now that I'm in my mid-30s, she just told me she wanted to start dating again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 06:37 PM
15

This is so true! Looking back, it all makes sense. All the cheaters/ghosters/players did drink/coffee/dessert "dates". Even a guy I had a 3-month situationship with had the sense to take me to dinner for a first date (he never did again after that though, hence why it was a situationship). My last serious bf took me to a beautiful lounge and restaurant for our first date. My current boyfriend wanted to take me to a steakhouse for our first date, but once restaurants closed from the pandemic, he …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 07:41 PM
7

This hit me hard. I grew up with a father who was traveling too much for work to spend time with us, and a mother who guilt-tripped, gaslit, yelled at and criticized me. Guess what kind of behavior I accepted from men? All of the above. But, my grandparents disciplined my mom the same way. We have to be the ones to break the cycle. Both my parents are much better now, but its too late to undo the emotional and mental scars, and its a long journey so far. FDS has helped so much in helping me real…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 06:59 PM
5

There's something not quite right with this guy. I agree, don't send nudes. Once its in their hands, they can do whatever they want with it and show whoever they want. I won't even send my committed boyfriend nudes, nor will I, even if he becomes my husband. I made the mistake of sending nudes to one guy, but luckily I had cut my head off the picture, and it was just of me laying naked on my stomach, so there wasn't much to see. I still regret that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 02:08 AM
2

Would help if he spelled the word correctly... Besides, what "gold" does he even have?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 02:06 AM
4

Not to mention, how many of them shamelessly lie, make fake promises, and future fake to get sex from women. But no, they don't want to take responsibility, and its much easier to blame someone else for their actions. I've definitely had "duty sex" and done it just to get it over with. I was never threatened, but I would be guilt-tripped and sometimes, they'd whine so much and conveniently ignore all my "no's" that I gave in just to shut them up (I know now, bad idea).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 02:04 AM
1

Thanks! I'll have to check this out :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/09/20 07:23 PM
5

Lol...really? Can they get any lazier? I always said sure, I'll ask you out and support you financially. If you birth my children, do all the housework and emotional labor, and do all the cooking and cleaning. They want us to play the traditional male role? Then they should be prepared to play the traditional female role. But nah, they'll never go for that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 05:29 PM
3

Umm...what the actual f**k??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 08:54 PM
30

Yes! This so much. I used to always think "aww its so cute that they'll be so protective!" They always say that because they know how men think...because they themselves treat women like crap. I had an ex who had a son, but joked that if he had had a daughter, that he'd be super overprotective and would want to keep her from dating until as late as possible. Meanwhile, he treated women like objects to be used and played with as he pleased, preferably if they were way younger (20s to his 40s at t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 05:41 PM
3

Agreed...the misogyny is so deep seated. This guy left his wife a year after his son was born, claiming she "tricked" him into having the kid. I met him when his kid had just turned 8. He proudly proclaimed to be a "part-time father" and picked up his son for 2 evenings/week and every other Saturday to do all the fun stuff. You're pretty much spot on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 08:59 PM
43

Ugh, I hate it when males say this as they reason why they want kids. And most of them have nothing to offer...so what legacy, exactly? My ex pissed me off when he said "I'm so glad I had a son and did it right on the first try. I needed to pass on my legacy!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 04:27 AM
1

Wow, good for you! Your daughter is lucky to have such a strong, amazing mom. So many women just end up going along with the status quo because they're comfortable or are afraid to leave. Go and live your best life!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 04:13 AM
2

Oh God...he is definitely using her!! SMH at the audacity of these "men". I hope she wises up...someone get her to read FDS please! I've been in this situation twice and I know exactly what she's talking about. One ex in my early 20s made me pay for his airfare to visit me AND for me to go to him. For both exes (and one worked at a pretty good job!) I pretty much paid for all the meals and trips and outings, or else they'd refuse to go out. I was also in college & grad school myself but my dad h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 12:51 AM
3

That face omg 😍 I say dogs are automatically HVM!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 04:49 PM
13

Awww, his fee fees were hurt when you called him out on his BS? Good riddance!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 01:47 AM
6

I feel this 100%. Given way too many chances to guys that didn't deserve it. If only I realized that people don't change unless they genuinely want to and are willing to put in the work. For my exes, the red flags were all there pretty early on, I just chose to ignore them. Even through "cOmMuNiCaTiOn", they might change for a couple weeks and then revert right back to how they were. Mostly because at the time, I was too scared to break up and be alone. How dumb I was back then!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 06:27 PM
27

They know, they just don't care and keep trying to push your boundaries. Men like this only care about their own pleasure and don't care whether you like it or not. I too had an ex who pestered me nonstop for anal, even when I flat out told him no. And that if he kept asking, the answer would still be no. He tried an "accidental slip" on me once, and I flipped out at him. Never did that again, but still continued to pressure me and like your ex, tried to give me all these reasons to talk me into…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 06:25 PM
3

Love the response, well done =)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 06:17 PM
1

That sounds so scary, sorry he's doing that to you :( Don't stay and argue with them, they thrive on that. It has to be quick and dirty. Preferably not in person. Other ladies here have some great suggestions - including moving his stuff out when he's not home and changing the locks, and sending brief but clear breakup messages. Then you MUST block and delete them. If he continues to harass or stalk you, call the police and get a restraining order.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 06:51 AM
3

Those are awesome goals to work toward! And that sounds like an amazing future to have. My aunt has never been married and has been single for the last 36 years I've known her. She is financially well-off, owns two beautiful apartments in expensive areas in China and Singapore, has a driver, travels the world, looks fantastic for her age (she's 68 but could pass for late 40s/early 50s at most), and she has a big group of lifelong friends who are always visiting her and taking her places. I'm amb…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 06:26 AM
7

Guys like your ex are so full of shit. So instead of working through his problems that he knows he has, he just goes back on the app to treat another woman the exact same way. They really learn nothing. I had an ex who I dated for a year that I met on OLD, and he was the biggest avoidant I'd ever met, made me his last priority after his family, church, and work, was chronically broke even when he made six figures, and I also suspected him of talking to other women during our relationship. Not to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 04:29 AM
4

I'm going to put it on right after my movie is over...can't wait!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 03:33 AM
1

I think you handled that well! I also had them say "if we're going to be together anyway, why do we need to be married?" At the time, marriage was something I really wanted, and in my head I was thinking...well if we're not getting married, then I'm not staying with you much longer 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 03:09 AM
2

Lol I used to tell them "if it means nothing, then why did gays fight so hard to get married?" Either they had no answer or they said something along the lines of "they don't know what they're getting themselves into." Like ok buddy...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 03:08 AM
2

Agreed!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 03:06 AM
1

I have been thinking and I couldn't come up with anything...not that they would have listened, anyway. Both exes either had poor experiences with marriage in their family (divorced parents etc), or they were married before to a "crazy ex" and now they don't want to do it again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 03:06 AM
1

I, too have lived with a boyfriend and he just stalled me for years. Mine was 7 years, but I was young and naive. My ex also said the same thing! That if I had just waited a little longer, he would have proposed. Good thing you ended it with that guy. You don't want to marry someone who isn't all in with you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 03:04 AM
2

💯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 03:03 AM
1

I agree with you. Nothing you say will convince them, especially if they've been married before and you haven't. Then they just go "you've never been married before so you wouldn't know." I'm personally on the fence about marriage now, even though I wanted it when I was younger, but it still pisses me off when men say that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 03:02 AM
2

Exactly! One ex admitted later on that he didn't believe in marriage. And the other admitted that he wasn't "the marrying type" after stalling me for years with excuse after excuse. Their excuse is always that they got burned before by a "psycho" ex-wife and they're SO SCARED to go through that again. And how men always lose out when they get divorced.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 03:01 AM
13

Just recently...so, 35, after finding FDS. I couldn't understand why, for the longest time, my mom kept telling me not to marry, and my aunt never married. I just thought they were bitter old ladies. Now, after having had countless encounters with male coworkers, friends, dates, and exes, as well as hearing stories of other coworkers' and friends' marriages...I understand why. I also used to be super nice and sweet to everyone. Got me nothing in return but taken advantage of, taken for granted, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 10:34 PM
3

I hear that :( when I was 26, I started dating a 45-year old. For 7 years. He was manipulative and emotionally abusive and I'm so glad I got out. And yes, you change so much while you're in your 20s and I'd even say, early 30s, while you figure out your life and where it's going.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 10:08 PM
5

I would LOVE this, no lie. I've had serious thoughts about going off the grid and living with a house and backyard full of animals.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 10:21 PM
40

Good for her for walking away! Funny how their tune changes when it's not just about them anymore. And its usually the ones who don't have much in terms of money and assets who are in a frantic scramble to "protect" themselves against so-called gold-diggers. We need to protect ourselves, always. My parents always told me this. They said to always have your own finances and enough money to get out if you need to. And my dad told me to never depend on a man, and that I should always be able to tak…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 10:19 PM
42

I've dated a man 19 years older than me, and my current boyfriend is 5 years younger. Vastly prefer the younger guy. My mom's last boyfriend was 24, and she was in her 50s. Older men are set in their ways, try to control you, and yeah, most of them age horribly. The older ex I had was more experienced, sure, in being manipulative and a player. This "men get better with age" and "women want older men" myth needs to die.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 05:36 PM
19

Yeah, I'd also rather be single than deal with a LVM/NVM just for the sake of saying I have someone. I know more unhappy marriages than happy ones. My two best friends...one's husband neglects and berates her and barely wants to spend any time with her. The other one says she's happy, but things she's been saying recently have me questioning it. Her husband refuses to celebrate Valentine's Day, or her birthday with her, and once, yelled at her when she FaceTimed him instead of texting (they're l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/20 08:17 PM
16

As my dad always said, they are proverbially dangling a carrot in front of your face. One of my exes did this, kept saying "oh when we're married...." Talking about the kind of wedding we would have, where we would live, etc. Yet after 7 years, still said he wasn't ready and it was clear he had no intention of proposing anytime soon. I've seen other men do this even with just relationships and dating. "Oh, so if we were dating" (after talking on OLD for awhile), or even "IF we were boyfriend and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 03:46 PM
7

Reading this just gave me a smack of realization in the face. I couldn't figure out why my last ex was the way he was, but you just described him to a T. I always thought he would treat me well cause he was so good to his mom. He was a mommy's boy, dad left the picture when he was little since he passed away. His mom was very clearly bitter (he told me once that his mom said to never fall in love). She very clearly had a problem with my different ethnicity and religious preference, and that I co…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 01:57 PM
3

Are you sure we didn't date the same guy? Lol. My last ex exhibited traits #3-8. Like you, I always thought 1, 2, and 9 were the only behaviors to look out for for that kind of personality.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 12:37 PM
8

Agreed :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 01:19 AM
1

Good for you, you did the right thing. Other posters have already commented but please keep yourself safe and no matter what, do not go back to him. He already has anger problem and you just added fuel to his fire.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 01:12 AM
27

Yes! Saw so many men on dating apps who have their age set to something like 34...but then in the bio they say "I'm actually 43 but dating site won't let me change my age." Yeah, right buddy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 09:29 PM
11

Ugh, reported him to Twitter. Misogynistic and racist, what a gem 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 08:55 PM
71

LMAO ain't this the truth!! The stories they come up with... I found emails from PoF in one of my exes' inboxes. His excuse? His friend downloaded it for him as a joke one drunken night, made him a profile, and he can't figure out how to delete it (he was NOT technologically savvy at all, but he definitely knew how to delete apps...)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 07:41 PM
13

Wow...just wow. These LV/NVM really want to make zero effort these days and really do want the woman to do literally everything. I'm horrified.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 07:35 PM
22

Exactly! They are so full of shit. Mind you, this same guy told me, before all that, he didn't think I was marriage material because I wasn't "domestic enough".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 06:34 PM
59

Sad but true. I cooked for an ex, let him use my (new!!) car when his POS constantly broke down, gave most my weekends for him and his son, was his emotional crutch, and bought him groceries since he ate like shit. When I brought this all up to him, while feeling taken for granted...his response? "Yeah well, I didn't ask you to do any of that." Boy, I learned from that one. Realized awhile back what a 🤡 pickme I was.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 04:25 PM
11

Yes! Most male friendships I've seen and heard about seem very superficial...they talk about very surface level stuff. But addressing emotional issues and taking care of each other's mental health? Nah. That's the women's job, clearly. Some men even told me..."look, most guys are a**holes to each other and we STILL stay friends!" And you're proud of that??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 10:14 PM
7

Oh yes! He somehow found it and sneakily put it on my laptop one night, and then when I saw it and was like "wtf??" He just started hysterically laughing saying "see I knew you wanted to f**k unicorns!!" I was so confused. And he'd also make horse noises during sex, or just randomly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 09:49 PM
3

It was so random! He had a thing with unicorns and horses 🙄 I told him he was projecting and he got so defensive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 09:47 PM
2

100% agreed. They always have to have the last word and make one last feeble attempt to make you feel bad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 09:46 PM
3

Yup, so many of them can't accept that its him as a person that we no longer want to be with. When I broke up with my ex of 7 years (and he was 19 years older than me), I gave him a laundry list of reasons why I didn't want to be with him. All he got out of it was that I was leaving cause he didn't propose, and that I must have changed, or I met someone else. He couldn't wrap his head around that I was leaving because of him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 09:11 PM
12

-Repeatedly brings up bestiality for no apparent reason Funny you mention this...I had a LVM ex who had some strange obsession with unicorns. Kept saying "I know you love unicorns!", brought me unicorn-themed stuff for my apartment, and then later on, tried to show me unicorn p*rn. I made a comment once ever saying "oh yeah unicorns are cool." And then he took that and ran with it. LVM, man. Sometimes I wonder if they're just projecting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 04:44 AM
3

They don't want you seeing (or sleeping with) anyone else, but they want to keep their options open. If you complain, they just say "well, we're not boyfriend and girlfriend!" My last ex did that and stupidly, pre-FDS, I fell for it. It was his way of keeping me sexually exclusive with him, but he didn't want the responsibilities of being my boyfriend, and later on, I found out he was talking to other women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 01:50 PM
3

Don't beat yourself up. You know better know, block and delete him and move on. And yes always match their effort! I get it though, I do. I was just starting to get into FDS when I met a guy who I put WAY more effort into than he did me. I was still a recovering pickmeisha, too. He made minimal effort on the one actual date we went on. After that, he was content to just come hang out at my apartment for a few hours and eat my food and drink my alcohol. And I was dumb enough to pick him up and dr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 08:24 PM
13

I love how men put ALL the blame on the woman for not wanting to have sex anymore. It's been shown that when things aren't going well in a relationship, sex is usually the first thing to go. My last ex went down on me twice in a whole year (didn't orgasm either time), and foreplay was him rubbing me really hard for 1 minute and then trying to stick it in. Eventually he just started buying lube because he didn't want to put the effort in actual foreplay and turning me on. It got the point where I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 05:32 PM
3

This is the sad truth :( And happy cake day!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 07:40 PM
8

Yup, always beware when a man labels his ex "crazy" without good reason. I agree that there are women who have legit mental instabilities or have drug/alcohol problems, but most times, the man made her seem "cray" with the way he treated her. One ex who called his ex-wife crazy turned out to be a misogynistic, gaslighting, pronsick player. Another guy who said the same, was an insecure, wannabe-player, tantrum-throwing manchild who freaked out if the smallest thing went wrong. And we're the craz…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 05:05 PM
2

Yes, block and delete and don't let him back into your life. He told you he wasn't into you, but made romantic gestures "to be sure"?? What a jerk. The guy I was "seeing" (and I use that term loosely, most our "dates" were just him coming to my place for a couple hours and trying to have sex) randomly left me high and dry just before Valentine's Day. And yes, lots of men are told that "women fall in love with what they hear." Multiple men close to me have told me that. It only matters if their a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 04:12 PM
9

Good on you, and her for speaking up (and doesn't sound like she was nasty about it, either). These guys want their cake and eat it too, and do whatever they can get away with. I too, thought I found a HVM earlier this year, only to go on 3 dates with him...and then his live-in girlfriend of 3 years got in touch with me after seeing our messages on his phone. We spoke on the phone, she was mega sweet, and I blocked and deleted him. Then reported him to the dating app we met on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 05:18 PM
3

I work in physical rehabilitation, and one thing I always tell my patients is that recovery is, very often, two steps forward and one step backward. That's normal! It applies to being a recovering pickme, as well. Don't beat yourself up...as long as your overall trajectory is upward, you're good! I had found FDS before this, but I too allowed myself to be love-bombed by a guy who later told me he wasn't ready for a relationship. I still was talking to and accepting dates from other men at the ti…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 05:11 PM
8

This is tough. You want to help them see their worth, but they think the way they're acting is perfectly normal. Honestly, I blame society for teaching women that it's our job to "catch" and "keep" a man, and having pickmeisha friends who advocate tolerating bad behavior and chasing men doesn't help. As a recovering pickme and codependent, I had my share of pick- and kinkmeisha friends who I listened to, and stayed in shitty relationships far longer than I should have. The problem is, I believed…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 04:17 PM
3

Awesome 👍 enjoy your youngblood! I had a friend who was in her late 30s (40 now), and she always looked for guys in their 20s. She said she didn't find older men attractive. Granted, most of those guys didn't want anything serious with her, and even though she was a pickmeisha, her last guy (26 and she was 38) was really good looking and she really liked him. I used to be the same as you, when I was 26, I went for a guy 19 years older, thinking he would be "more mature". He turned out to be a mi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 11:30 PM
15

I'm so glad I found this sub...its opened my eyes to so much. One of my exes thought nothing of watching porn in front of me, making comments to and flirting with other women, was following porn-y accounts on FB, and I'm pretty sure if he figured out IG, he'd be following Instamodels. I also had a "situationship" with a guy for a month, who later admitted to looking for women on Instagram and asking them out. I'm so glad my bf now doesn't use IG...and even still, following Instamodels is an inst…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 11:17 PM
7

Agree with this. I dated a guy for a year whose life was full of family and work "emergencies". No joke, we'd see each other 2-3x/week and he lived 10 min away from me. 1/3 scheduled meetups, an "emergency" came up (mostly involving him always working late and having a sister and mom and brother who ask him to do every little thing for them, and he couldn't say no). The whole relationship was so uncertain and made me anxious all the time. Not worth the headache at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 06:43 PM
156

I'm the same way! I'm not physically attracted to other men while in a relationship. I can appreciate an objectively good looking man, but that's where it stops. I've been told this by an ex as well, and at the time, I felt like I forced myself to be ok with him watching p*rn (in front of me, many times) and commenting on/talking to women he found attractive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 07:36 PM
3

Yes, this! I fell for it a couple times in my pickmeisha days, always trying to rationalize it away. The last guy I "dated" (I use the term loosely here) refused to even tell anyone about us, and wanted me to be his dirty little secret. Another ex refused to let me meet his sisters/church family for fear that they'd be jealous (???). My boyfriend now? Doesn't use social media (I hardly use it now too) but he proudly brings me around all his family and friends and wants me to accompany him to his…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 05:37 PM
1

Don't beat yourself up over it. It happened in the past and luckily you didn't show your face. We have all made mistakes and we can only grow and learn from them. I also did the same thing. Sent a booty pic (with a swimsuit on) to one ex, and somehow got talked into nudes with a guy I was in a stupid situationship with. Luckily the nude was of me on my stomach and something told me to cut my head out. I still regret it, but what's done is done.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 04:20 PM
15

Yup, my ex texted me "good morning beautiful" everyday for the first 7 months we were dating. He was also a p*rnsick avoidant who would ignore me on a regular basis and constantly break dates or show up hours late to them. And didn't know if he loved me after 8 months of dating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 04:16 PM
47

This is just sad. And the guy didn't want to marry her because he loved her, but for benefits. Makes me think of my best friend, who I adore, but one day she admitted that her husband never proposed to her, and she didn't even know they were engaged for a few weeks. She just mentioned that she would like to be married one day, and he was just like "okay let's get married then." He didn't even tell his family for awhile, either. Some women think that all that matters, is that they have a man. Ver…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 06:01 PM
7

Have to chime in here, the same thing happened with one of my exes. Multiple times, he called me by one of his ex's names. And so did his family!! Kept saying our names sounded so alike and that we are very similar, etc... I should have snooped on him a little more, but I eventually did find out that his mom was still in touch with her, and even still had a framed photo of them two in her house. I suspected he was never over her, and probably still isn't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 05:17 PM
15

Your grandma is on point 👍 After her divorce from my dad, my mom never remarried. She said she never wanted to have some "stinky" man in the house again demanding sex and being taken care of. She's in her 60s now, she goes on dates and has boy toys (her last boyfriend was 24, she was in her 50s) and always scoffs when the men want more from her, and then she just stops talking to them. My dad remarried for that exact reason - he wanted someone to take care of him in his old age.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 05:11 PM
14

Good for you! It's hard to come to terms with initially, mostly because we've been pressured and conditioned since we were little to "need" a man and marriage and family. Just look at all the negative connotations toward single, older women...spinster, old maid, not good enough to find or keep a man, etc. I used to tolerate so much BS when I was younger because I thought I was a loser for not being in a relationship. I have a boyfriend now, but for the first time in my life, I know that if we ev…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 08:06 PM
3

So he comes home everyday and just plays video games all day errday, and she's okay with waiting around and getting scraps of attention? I mean that's what it sounds like. I can't imagine the bar being so low that you're just glad he's home 😑 I mean, I get it. I've been an avid gamer since I was in my early teens, and when I have time, I still enjoy a good video game session. My brother and boyfriend love their games as well, but the difference is, they both do it when I or brother's girlfriend …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 02:05 PM
12

I like this! Or..."I thought jokes were supposed to be funny."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 06:07 PM
10

Yup, once they see you aren't falling for their stupid negging techniques, they backtrack real quick and try to play it off as a joke. Like, it's not a joke if its not funny. They can dish it but can't take it, and frankly, it amuses me how butthurt some of them get when you "joke" in the same way right back at them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 06:06 PM
3

Right? Like they're looking for a free handywoman...wtf. I'm a physical therapist and when I used OLD, I had guys messaging me asking if I could rehab their back/ankle/shoulder. Like, no. Just no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 06:22 PM
6

It is SO easy to get into Manhattan from Williamsburg! Reminds me of two guys in the past who were both "too busy" to meet me consistently even though they lived 10 minutes away. He wants to put in near zero effort and get you to meet near his place. Next him. If they want to see you, they will!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 02:14 PM
2

Teh fux? This is just sick...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 05:17 PM
5

Eh. Once I start getting one word answers with no follow up questions or comments, I just stop responding. Either he's not interested enough or not interested in actually getting to know me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 03:55 PM
4

This is disgusting! Febreze on the clothes? Only showering when going out? How can people stand smelling that bad? I feel gross if I don't shower for one day!! I don't blame her for not wanting to sleep with him. She should dump him. That being said, I had an ex who would only shower maybe once a week, and he did the same thing. Sprayed Old Spice on his dirty clothes. That was bad enough, I can't imagine being with someone who refuses to shower for months. Just gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 03:29 PM
14

I love this and how we're always striving to better ourselves! When my last ex broke up with me, I think I spent one day crying about the loss (not for him, I was relieved I wasn't with him anymore. But it still felt like a loss), then promptly blocked him on all avenues, and deleted him off my social media. Same thing with the guy after that, who threw the "I'm not ready for a relationship but let's be friends" after a month of pseudo-dating (usually him coming to my house for a couple hours on…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 05:15 PM
9

Yes! I will no longer post pictures of us we're engaged, or unless he does first. My last ex refused to post pictures of me, or any of his previous girlfriends, saying that his family will get mad if they see him spending time with a girl and not them. And when I posted pictures of us, he asked me not to tag him. He was 38 years old! I did find him texting other women throughout our year-long relationship, so yeah, definite cop-out to keep appearing single and keep options open.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 01:28 PM
13

Well I mean. There's a reason that in 99% of species, only the strongest and highest quality males get to reproduce.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 12:16 AM
17

Eeewww, I actually got a little disturbed at this man, reading your exchange with him. Reminds me of an ex I had who had 20+ partners but chose women with a low "body count" because they were "cleaner". He came right out once and said that he preferred a virgin 😑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 07:39 PM
10

Queen! Good for you for leaving his scrote a*s. Go live your best life 💜
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 08:22 PM
11

Having been in an age gap relationship myself (I was 26 and he was 45), I completely understand! When you're a young, naive pickme, it's seems so flattering to be "picked" by an older, supposedly more mature man. And then you realize they're just looking for someone they can manipulate and who's too young and inexperienced to call them out on their BS. Good thing you never married that guy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 03:11 PM
3

He sounds like one of my exes! In 7 years he never said sorry once and meant it. Always "sorry you feel like that" and yes, "sorry you think that."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 07:19 PM
27

LOL if I were to ever get back on OLD again, I would totally do this! Reminds me of a time on Hinge when I matched with this scrotey-looking LVM who wanted me to go to his house, an hour away, for the first date. My friends and I spent a good two hours saying and asking for the most ridiculous things (asking for 24k-gold crusted pizza, him to pay $450 for an uber from 3+ hours away, telling him I liked to peg guys, saying I was going to make him my b**ch, etc). It all went right over his head an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 03:17 PM
6

Agreed, always make sure you protect yourself. In my state, we can't have pepper spray or tazers, and a gun license takes forever to get. Which I'm going to get, anyway. My dad wanted me to get a gun for self defense, and I am all for it. And always tell someone where you're going and who with! I went on a lot of dates from OLD, and I always told my mom, brother, dad, and my best friends where I would be, with the guy's name and picture. And I always arranged a time to check in and text them to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 03:07 PM
15

OLD is very time consuming. I stopped using them because I just got so bored and most of the men I found on there were LVM. Guys who talked about sex on the first conversation, very rare that I got a guy who actually read my profile and asked specific questions about it. It just took so much time and energy wading through all that trash. So many guys who wanted to "meet someone and see where it goes." Or guys who just ghost when you won't "put out" soon enough, or who just want to keep texting b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 02:12 PM
14

I used to do this, too. Not just with exes, but with friends who clearly weren't good for me. If somebody values me that little that they don't care to have me in their life, then, well, goodbye to them. Block and delete. If a guy ever wanted to break up, then I'll happily give that to him (even if it hurts at the time). He'll never be hearing from me again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 07:33 PM
8

Had an ex with no regard whatsoever for my time, and no regards for me when I didn't want something. He'd have to be pretty much hit over the head to make plans, and then he had no qualms about cancelling last minute or just disappearing the day of, and would ignore me until I spammed him with texts. Oh, or he would make other plans the days we were supposed to meet, and then show up 3-4 hours late, conveniently, at around 9-10pm. Or he would constantly bail early cause "something came up " ALL …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/20 11:51 PM
5

I hate that! Like why do they think they're so special that we're just dying to jump in the sack with them?? Reminds me of listening to men talk about dating divorced women for easy sex because they think they're desperate. Like nah, bruh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/20 08:16 PM
3

It was definitely painful when my relationships with my exes ended, but thank God they did. Each guy was an upgrade from the last! I'm much happier now, with a steady career and a boyfriend who, although physically disabled, always tries to go above and beyond to make sure I'm taken care of. I honestly feel like things always work out as they should.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/20 04:21 PM
3

I mean, there's probably a good reason she said no and walked away. Men always want to act like women reject them and treat them badly for no reason and fail to understand that most of the time, they cause the woman to "overreact" and act "crazy". -_-
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/20 03:59 PM
14

Dear God. Who wants his old sperm?? He looks like he smells bad, not sure why... Plus it would help if he would use the correct spelling of "bear".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 06:17 PM
4

Except the guys usually want you to be faithful, yet want to keep talking to and trying to sleep with other women. If you ever say anything, they just go to that excuse of "I tOlD yOu I wAsN't LoOkInG fOr AnYtHiNg sErIoUs!!!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 05:10 PM
13

It's sad how many pickmeishas I used to know (and I was one too), who based their worth on how much attention they got from men. I clearly remember two old friends "humblebragging" about how many matches they got on OLD. My mom told me once...don't get too flattered if men want you. They'll screw anything that moves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 12:17 PM
69

The second they say the word "hang out", then I start talking to them like they're my male buddies. When I first started dating my boyfriend, he asked me on a proper date, but said "I can't wait to hang out with you on Saturday." I said "okay bro, so we are gonna be friends then?" He didn't like that and learned quick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 03:40 PM
4

LOL he said she needed a favor and had no space in her freezer, so she asked to store it in his. Of course he didn't say no to her!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 01:44 PM
11

Ugh, so true. One of my exes had a female coworker who he SWORE up and down "we're just friends! She's married and she knows I have a girlfriend!" Never mind that she hated me for no apparent reason, he wouldn't stand up to her, they would talk on the phone and text every day outside of work. He'd ALWAYS take her calls. Not to mention, I'd see them being touchy-feely, he refused to invite me to coworker events because she didn't want me there, and I saw in photos that he'd always be sitting/stan…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 12:43 PM
26

UGH this is so true!! So many of them never want to take responsibility for their bad behavior. You can cOmMuNiCaTe until you're blue in the face and even tell them straight up. And they will just ignore/belittle/gaslight you until you lash out and then they're like "LoL yOu'Re CrAzY". Then they go tell the next girl about their "crazy ex".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 01:33 AM
5

You did the right thing by blocking him, sis! I'm starting to hate the word "spontaneous". I think guys use that term as an excuse to not make plans and try to see you whenever the hell they want without consideration for your time or plans. I had an ex who called himself "spontaneous". It meant that everything was on HIS schedule. He saw me and kept dates and returned my calls and texts when he felt like it. He would constantly ignore my calls/texts and break plans with me, and then got upset w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 03:43 PM
1

What a bunch of winners! Second poster can't even spell "women" correctly...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 08:23 PM
2

I don't initiate. I just leave the chat box open. I give them 2-3 days...if no convo starter, unmatch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 08:09 PM
3

As someone who's been there (dated a 45 year old when I was 26), I would advise against it. I don't normally see age gap relationships working out well, with a few exceptions, without some sort of power imbalance. The other posters are right on, that the older men are looking for a young plaything, or someone younger and more naive that they can mold and manipulate. My older ex was manipulative, misogynistic, a liar, and a pro at gaslighting. Of course, he preferred women 21-early 30s. One of my…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 06:54 PM
20

Good on you for dumping him before wasting more time. I had an ex like this, who hated it when I left stuff at his place. Clothes, toothbrush, whatever. He would always pack them up and give them back to me the next time we met. He claimed it was because his family comes over and will see it and disapprove (he was 37 at the time!!). No surprise that he got a female roommate shortly after and made it a point to hide me from her, and I caught him chatting to other women, as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 05:45 PM
11

Ugh, this was what my ex said about his ex-wife! Literally told me "She tricked me, she told me she was on BC so I felt okay c*mming inside her, and then she just got pregnant!" I told him if he didn't want kids, he should have gotten a vasectomy. Of course he didn't agree with that. Like all LVM/NVM, he believed that pregnancy prevention was the woman's job.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 04:22 PM
72

Agreed. Problem is, with LVM/NVM, they'll just keep taking and put in the bare minimum effort. So she does all those special things...and he just does the minimum of grooming himself, doing the dishes and going for a walk? No thanks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 12:56 PM
5

Omg, he sounds like my ex. I said the same thing, that I wasn't happy and he wasn't treating me well (emotionally abusive). He said "At least I don't hit you, curse you out or cheat on you!" Like WOW what a gem! 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 08:36 PM
2

Ugh, yeah, that guy was a piece of work. Turned out he had a girlfriend of 3 years and was dating around behind her back, the creep. Still disgusting that he started with all the sex talk after spending $10 on our first "date".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 07:14 PM
9

LVM. I know this because one of my exes was just like that. He also planned our dates, paid for mostly everything, and sent me a 'good morning' text nearly every day. He wouldn't respond for hours, if he even responded at all, to texts and calls. Said he just didn't check his phone often and couldn't text while he was at work. Sure enough, he could text back and forth quickly once the topic was about sex, even when he was working. Don't be fooled. Even if he's not a texter, he would still find w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 05:55 PM
64

I was a diehard WoW player for a long time, and still play casually from time to time. It's still going strong almost 16 years after its first release, for a reason. It's designed to be addictive. You're always chasing the next big boss kill, needing to complete new content, get the next tier of gear. I hope this girl dumped that guy after this happened. I don't mind if a guy plays video games as a hobby, when he's done with everything and has some time left over for free time. If my boyfriend e…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 04:35 PM
14

They don't change, even if they seem like it. It takes a huge mindset change (seeing potential partners as human beings and not objects to be "conquered"), and the majority of them either aren't willing to put in the effort to make that change, or they honestly think there's nothing wrong with the way they think. I had an ex who was a "former player". Thought he changed for me (dumb), but found out later that he was openly flirting with the younger women at his job, talking to them outside of wo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 04:03 PM
9

Having dated a cheapskate for many years, I'll never do it again. He turned out to be a lazy, misogynistic NVM. I agree that if a man wants to be with you, he is happy to spend his resources to invest in a relationship with you. I used to believe that if I let him pay, then he would feel like I owed him something. Also, I didn't want to seem like a gold-digger. A guy I went out with a few times thought it was a privilege that he was paying for my $5 coffee on our first meeting. We then went to g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 03:04 PM
5

Ugh, I hope she dumped his cheating a*s! Ironically this also happened to me earlier this year. Went on 3 dates with this guy who, at first seemed like a decent guy. Then his girlfriend of 3 years contacted me over WhatsApp after finding our messages on his phone. She actually seemed super nice and I told her everything, and linked her his OLD profile, and then I reported him to the site. We need to out these men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 02:15 PM
39

Yup. I used to work in a nursing home - so many women there alone. Some of the spouses had passed away...others left them when they got sick. I hear way more stories of wives who stayed to care for their ailing husbands, than the other way around. I do know of one positive story, though. My ex's mom had a bad case of spina bifida, was in and out of the hospital for various medical issues, and was unable to move around without using a walker. And she was also told that she might not be able to ha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 05:27 PM
54

2 actually happened to me with my last ex. After 5 months he finally made me his girlfriend, and like you said, stepped up his game to prove he could be relationship material. BUT, the "relationship" was based mostly on sex. Not to mention I have strong indications that he was talking to other women throughout the relationship (found some very questionable texts to unknown numbers, but he always had an excuse, some friend or family that I didn't know and he "forgot" to save their number). He was…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 05:19 PM
73

Yes, THIS, 100%. I used to sit around foolishly waiting for them to come around, thinking that if I just did what they wanted or acted like the "perfect" girl, they would want to be in a relationship with me. In a twisted way, I saw it as a challenge...just didn't realize it was one where I lost, 99% of the time. I've had plenty of guys do and say this when I was actively dating ("Let's see where this goes" "I'm not ready for a relationship", etc). Some had enough integrity not to string me alon…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 05:12 PM
11

Disgusting excuse for "men" (I hesitate to use that word to describe some of the guys I read and hear about on here). I had an ex who had an "accidental slip" and then freaked out when there was poop on him. And he would get all offended and grossed out if I farted. But when he farted, he thought it was hilarious. This was a 38-year-old man-child. These are the same guys that get confused when they have unprotected sex and then they get someone pregnant...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 07:17 PM
2

This is true! That's not to say the guy didn't string me along for a little bit for sex/companionship, but he'd always said that he was an emotional disaster at the time, and didn't have his life together. He'd already been distancing himself, but being a pickmeisha at the time, I didn't want to let it go (had that stupid mentality of 'I'll just do more and he'll want me!'...bleh), and after about a month he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship and had to get his life together.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 07:01 PM
1

The 28 year old asked me first, and then I just asked him back. I think I asked the 32-year old outright. I also dated an older man (45 at the time) who had 20+ partners, and he just brought that up out of the blue. I've found that in general, guys who have had some experience, but not a lot, tend to treat you the best. My current boyfriend (30) has had 3 partners, and my brother has only had 2 partners at 32, and he's an amazing boyfriend to his girl.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 06:58 PM
10

Yeah exactly. They see women as objects and something to "conquer". These guys don't make any kind of effort. One ghosted me when I didn't sleep with him on the 2nd date, the other guy at least was honest enough to say he didn't think we were compatible for a relationship and never tried anything physical with me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 04:01 PM
30

I definitely avoid men with high "body counts" now. I once went on two dates with this guy who was 26 and said he had 20+ partners. Another guy, 32 at the time I knew him, said he had had between 30-40 partners. Yuck, no thanks. Thank god I never slept with either of them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 02:33 PM
11

Good for you! Go and live your best life =) This is absolutely considered a form of cheating. They like and comment on these girls' pictures to try and get their attention and start a conversation. I used to try and be CoolGirl about it, but it always made me uncomfortable. I'm giving the guy all my emotional energy and attention, and they're...not. It doesn't feel good and we shouldn't stand for that. My one ex was like this, and we were also in an age gap relationship. He never had IG, but he …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/20 04:40 PM
7

I never had date nights in my previous relationships. My exes just didn't think they were important enough since they already "had" me. My brother and his girlfriend of 4 years do a weekly date night, and my boyfriend now was the first to bring up date nights. In quarantine we look up recipes to cook together, or he will cook for me, and plan something nice to do for the day/evening. He has also mentioned many times, the places he wanted to take me to once we start reopening back up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/20 04:11 PM
4

Both my parents always told me to never let a man control your money (and my dad also financially provided for us). They said to always, always have your own bank account in your name. You want to be able to get out if things go wrong.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/20 12:40 PM
19

Agree with you. You should never have to force a man to propose, or feel like you have to propose to him. I used to have this argument with my ex of 7 years, after he questioned me over and over on the reasons I wanted to get married. Eventually he said "fine, I'll get married for you." At that point, I knew that if we ever got married, when we have an argument, he would just throw it back in my face and say "Well, I never wanted to get married, I just did it for you."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 07:23 PM
2

This cracks me up. Oh, their fragile egos! I love it when guys think they can beat you at something, video games, sports, weight-lifting, any traditionally male activity, and when you beat them they get all butthurt or complain "that's cause I LET you win!" Yeah, okay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 05:35 PM
1

I've been with a guy like this. Granted, we were in a relationship but it never moved forward for 7 years. He barely lifted a finger to make an effort. Like you, I was always the one planning phone dates and initiating texts. He could go days without talking to me if I didn't initiate. He barely even initiated sex. It was most definitely draining! I dragged out the breakup and he tried every trick in the book to get me back, guilt-tripping, manipulating, promises of changing. In your case, since…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 05:28 PM
1

Yes, I was with a guy who was 19 years older than me. All was well and good when I was behaving like his hot young bangmaid girlfriend. But once I had a problem, he would becoming condescending and dismissive, and act like he knew better than me, using phrases like "I've had more experience than you, you should listen to me." Or "When you get to my age, you'll see that the way you're behaving is unreasonable and it's just not a big deal." Or just plain call me crazy and overreacting. My dad and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 05:18 PM
5

Ugh, I've definitely been there with the pickme-ness. When my self-esteem was in the sh**ter, I chased after men who clearly didn't want relationships with me, because I craved the attention so badly. Good on you that you found out what kind of loser he was, quickly, and dumped his a*s! You definitely learn about someone fast when you're living with them. You don't have to engage him when you guys run into each other again. Or if you do, just be polite (or curt) and keep interactions short.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 05:08 PM
11

Ugh, that is not cute. Why do men think it's cute and funny to to be emotional r**ards? I dated a guy like this for a year. Even the way he spoke was very deadpan and monotone (but that could have been that English wasn't his first language). Only told me he liked and cared about me after almost a year and couldn't even say if he loved me or not. My current boyfriend tells me multiple times a day how he feels about me. So much more preferable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 07:40 PM
5

This is not a good sign, even if the debt was from when he was younger. He has had enough time to make a big dent in it, or get rid of it. I had an ex who I found out after almost a year of dating, how much debt he was in (like 70k in credit cards, money he borrowed from a friend, UNDERGRAD student loans...and he was 38). Turned out the guy had really poor money management skills and was chronically broke, despite having a lucrative job and multiple outside sources of income, and no kids.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 09:29 PM
154

I can speak for this. I see so many couples who have been dating 5+ years and still not even engaged. I dated an ex for 7 years and he still "wasn't ready" to even get engaged. He only wanted to propose when I was breaking up with him. Even though just a few months before he and I got into an argument about it and he said he wasn't "the marrying type." One of my closest friends has been dating her boyfriend for 4 or 5 years now and he just moved into a new condo and didn't ask her to move in wit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 10:16 PM
13

Ugh, this was just gross to read. There is no logic here. I bet in his mind he's thinking "At LeAsT I wAs HoNeSt" This is why you don't sleep with a man before you're in a relationship with them. I slipped up and slept with one guy before we were even actually dating, only for him to tell me a month later that he wasn't ready for a relationship because he had to 'find himself', and refused to even say we were dating. Yeah, never made that mistake again. And unless the guy is an amazing lover and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 07:33 PM
8

Yes, true. And I've definitely noticed that men tend not to learn from failed relationships the way women do (in general). I had an ex who was married and had a few years-long relationships. He still turned out to be a manipulative, selfish gaslighter who blamed me for everything. It matters more why those past relationships ended, and I always see if he owns up to his part. Because it always takes two to tango.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 09:29 PM
7

If there's no time, date, and place set, then there's no date. In your situation, I wouldn't have shown up either. I used to be the one texting the day before to confirm, but all I ended up with were ghosters and low-effort, lazy guys. No more, and my OLD prospects the second time around dwindled a LOT. Also, if there was no texting in between, I would lose interest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 07:41 PM
16

There are exceptions, but generally I'd really advise against this. Especially if you're young, never married, and don't have your own kids. I dated someone with a kid for 7 years, and although I did love his son (he was a sweet kid who treated me like a big sister, and I loved it. And I watched him grow from a 8-year old kid to a 15-year old teenager), I wouldn't date another man with a kid again, unless the kid was grown and independent. Yes, they are damaged goods. And the ex will ALWAYS be i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 03:43 PM
5

Great post! It's a tough one, I agree. I know I viewed failed relationships as a general failure on my part. And that people would think I couldn't "hold on to a man", or that I had bad taste in men. Or, I just wanted to be in a relationship or fell for the sunk cost fallacy. So, I dragged out relationships waaaaay past their expiration date, sometimes for years, just because I didn't want to be seen as a failure. We definitely have to change the way we view relationships, whether we ended it or…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 03:25 PM
6

Congratulations and good job on the level up! Now go live your best life =) And yes, block and delete!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 07:49 PM
29

Omg, did we date the same guy? One of my exes said this exact same thing to me when I finally walked away from him. And yes, I had already emotionally moved on for a year before finally mustering up the courage to pull the plug, and he'd known that entire time that I was unhappy. Also promised to change and begged for one more chance. They always say the same thing >.>
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 07:48 PM
1

I trust my pets' judgments! Granted, some of them can be won over, but I believe their initial reactions are the ones to look for. Animals can sense things that we can't. My dog hated my exes, and would hide and run from them. I would put him in their lap (I say sorry to my pup now!), and he would look visibly uncomfortable and try to crawl out whenever he could. He's yet to meet my current boyfriend but we'll see how he reacts to him!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/20 09:45 PM
17

Ugh, I hate this idea that men are the ones who are tied down and have to suffer in marriage. In reality, women always end up doing the majority of work and care in a marriage. Ironically, marriage and monogamy were made for men's benefit. A man should have his hobbies, like I have mine, but they shouldn't be spending hours a day on it. I say if a man wants to act single and not work on the relationship, let him be single.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/20 09:41 PM
6

I'm sorry you had to deal with that, but as a recovering pickmeisha, I understand. Good riddance to him and now you know better for the next guy. You can't force a guy to see you as his "person". I definitely learned that the hard way. I tried so hard and bent backward to get one ex to marry me (never did and then told me years later that he wasn't the marrying type), one to love me (he was never sure about us even after a year), and one even to be in a relationship with me (again, because he wa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/20 04:42 AM
5

What in the actual f**k...this person can't can't believe this 😑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/20 07:16 PM
3

Ehh...you'd be surprised! I dated a guy in his 40s when I was in my 20s (was a pickmeisha and was flattered to have an older guy's attention...barf). He literally only knew how to make tuna salad and chicken cutlets. Lived off takeout and fast food, and the other days he'd go to his mom's place and she would cook for him. Outside of that, yeah, he always had a pickmeisha girlfriend >.<
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 08:17 PM
7

Sorry to hear about your Gramps :( Some of them really don't care. I still remember when one of my exes and I started dating, my grandma passed away. I was a little down that day, and told him that. He just said "oh sorry to hear. So we still on for tonight or what?" Because I was a pickme back then, I just thought "awww he wants to see me SO bad!" Nah, that selfish attitude carried on for the rest of the relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 05:53 PM
1

Oh. I agree. I also play video games and I'd be furious if my boyfriend uninstalled the game and wasted all my progress/money because he was jealous of a fictional character. Happy cake day, btw!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 05:54 PM
3

Good for you! Too many women go after the other woman, when, most of the time, they were being lied to as well. Reminds me of when I went on 3 dates with a guy (who asked me to be exclusive!) and then his girlfriend contacted me after seeing our messages on his phone. She wasn't nasty at all and never attacked me, but like you, she said I probably wasn't aware he had a girlfriend (I had no idea). She blamed him and said we both deserved better. I never knew if she ended up leaving him, but I hop…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 01:17 PM
5

Ugh, where to start...I was an awful pickme for 8 years, throughout 2 relationships and one weird situationship, and random OLD dates in between. Mostly it just involved my chasing after men who either were not interested in a relationship or marriage, even sometimes after they explicitly told me so. I thought I could make them fall for me and want to marry me if I just acted a certain way ("LoOk I cAn Be A cOoL gIrl!!!") and constantly did things for them and went out of my way for them (ughhhh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/20 08:40 PM
5

I wholeheartedly agree with you. I know a lot of us, myself included, who stayed in relationships that weren't serving us. I thought if I just tried harder, loved and endured more, like you said, it would work out. I had this false notion that if I ended I relationship, then I had failed. I am empathetic as well, and it gets draining when you're with someone who just takes and takes and takes and uses you for free emotional labor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 08:10 PM
4

I did OLD on and off for 2 years. My experiences have been...pretty meh. I went on a lot of first dates, quite a few second ones, and some third ones. Dated a guy from OLD for a year and he was emotionally avoidant and extremely immature, and I'm 90% sure he was still talking to other women the whole time we were dating. I found the entire experience underwhelming. Tons of guys who talked about sex right off the bat, guys who wanted to do cheap coffee/drink or walking dates, or who kept chatting…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 07:37 PM
21

OMG, my ex in my pickme days was just like this. He was 19 years older than me. Definite Peter Pan issues. Always said "but women in their 40s and up just look SO OLD!! I'm not even attracted to them!" Constantly went for women in their 20s and 30s, even when he was in his early 50s, and then would complain when they wouldn't give him the time of day. I will no longer even look at men who are in their 50s-60s, and I'm 35. My boyfriend is 5 years younger and we definitely have a much more equal r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 02:51 PM
19

Posts like this make me sad. I spent 7 years with an emotionally abusive ex like this. He also knew I wanted to get married someday, but I was on the fence about kids (still am). Through the years, he made every excuse NOT to propose, mostly blaming me (I wasn't domestic enough, I want to go out too much, I'm not okay with monotony (wtf) etc...). Eventually, 6 years in, he admitted he didn't see himself getting married again and if he were, he would just do it for me. I made it known to my new b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 12:23 PM
3

Yes, and when I finally asserted myself and called out my LVM ex of 7 years (shame it took me that long) for his emotional abuse and manipulation through the years, he just looked at me and said "you're not the woman I used to know," and "I'm not sure I like this new you." Never felt more free than after I broke up with him. -.-
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/20 08:42 PM
4

Yup, met more than two handfuls of guys like this in the past few years. So irritating. If they don't bring up sex or make sexual references before we meet up, they'll do it during the first meeting (I cringe to call half those meetings a date). Absolute turn-off every time. Like dude...I barely know you, why do you think sex references will turn me on?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/20 08:35 PM
15

I really love this ❤ I put up with 3 LVMs in a row just because I didn't want to be alone, and was tired of dating. My family and friends kept trying to warn me to not do that, but I didn't listen. Once my last "situationship" ended because the guy decided he didn't want a relationship after stringing me along for a couple months, I found myself single for the first time in 14 years. I then decided, and also after finding FDS, that I would no longer entertain LVM just for the sake of "having a g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 07:41 PM
3

Only insecure, controlling men care or feel intimidated that you're dressed "too nice", or sometimes, even wear makeup. I once briefly saw a guy who would practically fly into a fit of rage whenever his woman wore makeup. He turned out to be an insecure control freak. I believe HVM would love to have you looking your best because they're proud to be seen with you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 07:29 PM
32

Oh God, this. I was like this with my last ex, except I'd pretend I was into it and just try to dirty talk him into finishing faster. I endured this for a year because I thought I should like it and it was what I needed to do to keep him. That was total pickmeisha me. He kept saying how he needed more stamina and I was just like...no, no you don't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 03:26 PM
9

YES, a million times this. I fell for this three times in a row. Just because I was with them, I felt the need to stay and try to stubbornly make it work, otherwise I felt like I failed and couldn't "keep a man" (God I hate that phrase). My ex of 7 years, I knew it wasn't going to work by year 2 (red flags were always there, I was just too blind and naive to see them in the first year), and my ex of a year, I knew by a month in. Always listen to your gut. With my last 2 exes and even a stupid si…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/20 12:45 PM
3

I literally had an ex, and one of my male friends whose rooms looked pretty close to this. Just awful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/20 09:24 PM
30

My last ex asked for anal and did not respect my boundaries. He just kept trying different ways to try and convince me, or would just wait a few weeks and then try again. And he did have an "accidental slip" (yeah, right). The guy I briefly dated after him was the same way. My current boyfriend finds anal as disgusting as I do, and I would never date another man that asks for anal and then keeps pushing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/20 09:23 PM
24

Ew, no. Just no. I was a pickme in the past but if any man ever suggested a threesome, I always said I wanted a MMF first, or even better, that I knew two guys who would be interested. That got them off the topic quick!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/20 09:11 PM
5

I don't mind religious, but being hypocritical and hyper-religious is a major turnoff for me. I dated two religious men and two anti-religious ones...both sides were equally bad. For the religious ones, one was Christian and one was Catholic. Both used their religion against me and both were major hypocrites, ESPECIALLY when it came to sex. They looked down on women and often felt guilt for having premarital sex, yet had no problems pressuring me for it and saying they would use women for sex. O…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/20 08:54 PM
7

JFC, thank God he's your ex. How disgusting, so sorry you had to put up with that. I can relate though, my last ex kept pestering me for anal too. Would try every argument in the book to convince me. Also had an "accidental slip" and I lost my sh*t and screamed at him. Even then, he would still try, even when I told him I'd only do it when he let me put an equal sized dildo up his ass. Men who are worth anything will respect your boundaries and not try to constantly push them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/20 05:45 PM
2

Ugh, the only way I'd let a boyfriend use my car or motorcycle is if it was temporary (like if his car was being repaired or something). And I could trust him with it. My car and my motorbike are my babies. Other than that...my LVM ex drove a beat up junker (which he eventually sold and then had no car), and always wanted to drive my newer car. Guess what he did? Sped like a maniac, racked up speeding and red light tickets, and then would fight with me on why he had to pay them when it was MY ca…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/20 03:35 PM
12

I'm not sure I completely agree with any man who plays video games, must be a LVM. I grew up a gamer and still enjoy a good gaming session every now and then when I find the time, it's just another hobby for me. My brother and my boyfriend also play video games, but they don't neglect other aspects of their lives, and especially not their girlfriends Being that I'm really busy, if my boyfriend ever ignored me for video games, I would not be happy, and he would hear it from me. He has plenty of t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/20 03:10 PM
2

Oh, he did! Of course when I asked him, he lied and said that he praised me all the time and didn't understand why didn't like me. Like...ok, dude. Whatever you say...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/20 02:40 PM
9

Damnnn. Now it makes sense why my ex's entire group of coworkers seemingly hated me. He would never invite me out with them in 7 years. Claiming they didn't like me...when I hadn't even met most of them 😠
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 12:10 AM
47

Damn, this hit hard. I definitely went out of my way for my ex, and then he would still have the nerve to complain and be ungrateful, and then said "Well I never asked you to do those things for me!" Yeah. With my boyfriend now, I just mirror the way he treats me, and even though I've done a lot for him (and he does for me), I don't feel like he's ungrateful or is taking advantage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 01:32 PM
1

Damn, some of these men are just brutal and have zero empathy. I honestly think most of them never learn it and never care to, yet expect us to be their free therapist. An ex told me to "get over it" when I was bawling my eyes out after my two dogs passed, within a week of each other. He literally said "what's the big deal?" And he wouldn't even try to console me. Just let me cry alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/20 08:55 PM
28

I used to think there was such a thing as "innocent flirting", mostly because my LVM ex told me so. He flirted incessantly with other women in front of me, and then said I was overreacting and it was innocent. There is no such thing as "innocent" flirting. Its disrespectful to your partner, because at the very least, you're still seeking attention from the opposite sex that's more than just friendly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/20 02:47 AM
15

Yes, totally! Reminds me of a time when a guy randomly sent me a bunch of pics of him naked. Pasty skin, big gut and man boobs and all. I didn't reply and he kept asking me if I liked it and getting upset when I didn't answer. I was like...no, no I don't, buddy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/20 11:44 PM
1

Good for you!! Now go enjoy your best life and do you 👏👏 My dad has said some really wise things to me over the years. I just wish I listened earlier on. He was right about a lot of things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/20 05:33 PM
5

Jesus this is so true that it hurts. Makes me cringe so hard. I literally dated two guys where I cherished one-word "ok" or "lol" or "mmhmm" replies to my sentences and paragraphs. Can't stop cringing...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/20 05:31 PM
7

I have to say...you hit the nail right on the head. My ex of 7 years said this exact same thing, about how he wanted an "independent woman who can take care of herself." Turned out he took no responsibility for anything and didn't want a woman with expectations of him. He also used it as an excuse to do whatever the hell he wanted, and if I (or any of his exes) complained about him going to Cancun or Vegas with his single, desperate friends, or when he flirted with other women, we were "needy" a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 11:31 PM
9

Yes definitely! I used to be told, "Well, ALL men go to strip clubs and watch porn so get used to it!" Well, I'd rather be alone, then.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 04:07 PM
11

This is why I'm so glad to have found this community. I was always told I was insecure/crazy/making a mountain out of a molehill (by women on other forums, friends, even my exes) because I wasn't okay with my then-bf going to strip clubs, watching porn, or going on his "boys-only" vacations to party destinations with his single and desperate friends. I never felt ok with it but tried to force myself to. And that guy ended up disrespecting me over and over. Lesson learned.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 01:24 PM
14

So much truth, thanks for posting! I realized awhile back that I literally had such blurry boundaries in my past dating situations, and I wound up with 3 LVM in a row. And they all showed who they were early on, I just ignored it. Take this post to heart, ladies!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 03:27 AM
4

Congrats on your decision! His behavior honestly just shows that you won't be able to count on him being there and supportive if you needed him. Do this as a bday present to yourself. My dad always told me "it's better to be alone, than to have something rotten." I used to be just like that. Scared to be alone so I held for dear life onto relationships and even one situationship with LVMs. When I became single a couple months ago, I started looking for things to fill my time. And now I'm perfect…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 04:59 PM
14

A handmade hammock! That's so adorable! My state was officially put on "shelter-in-place" this evening. I spend a lot of time talking to my family and friends and checking in on them, and getting to know the guy I just started dating, better. Trying out new recipes, creating a little workstation for when I can finally work from home, editing my novel, journaling, and doing online yoga classes (courtesy of my studio!), and still working out with streaming videos. And I'll still go out to enjoy th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 02:10 AM
3

Like many of you ladies, it stemmed from childhood. My dad left when we were young, and my mom turned us against him, while also exhibiting narc tendencies and constantly comparing me to my brother and cousins. Being a girl in my culture, where boys are far more valued, I grew up feeling "less than" my brother and male cousins, and not as worthy of my family's love and affections. I grew up becoming a people-pleaser, a doormat and a complete giver, and I chased after men who showed the slightest…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/20 05:26 PM
15

Ugh, why is it always the out of shape ones who make stupid comments like this? When I was a desperate pickme, I dated a guy with a beer belly, chicken legs (from refusing to do leg day), and fledgling man boobs. He would always comment on how he loved "petite girls". Barf.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/20 03:08 AM
3

Yes, so much yes to this. Not respecting your boundaries = they don't give AF about you or what you want. They only care about getting what they want, your feelings and wants be damned. They will push and push until they get what they want, and be swift to dump you once they have to give "too much", be it a relationship, engagement, marriage, or anything in between and beyond.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/20 02:20 AM
14

Omg!! Ugh they really can't believe they've done ANYTHING wrong. My ex literally said to me, a girl (yes, he said girl) never leaves you unless she has another guy. He also believed he deserved another chance!! And he also called me cold and tried to be friends afterward 😆 and I gave my ex free therapy lessons for his boundary issues too, but about being too flirty with other women. This is incredible. Their mental gymnastics knows no bounds.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/20 01:38 AM
45

Very true. They don't listen, anyway. When I broke up with my ex of 7 years, he demanded to know why I was leaving him. I spent 2+ hours explaining...and then raging at him, that it was because of emotional abuse and neglect, with concrete examples. His response? Just stared at me and said "You're not the girl I used to know. You're leaving me for someone else, aren't you?" Complete waste of energy and emotions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/20 07:12 PM
2

No, don't go out with him! Read books, write, and treat yourself to spa days. Do your own nails, take baths, practice your makeup skills, learn a new language. Start an exercise routine at home. Or, video games. If I were quarantined, I'd buy myself a Nintendo switch or download a bunch of PC games I've wanted to play for a long time, but had no time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/20 04:42 PM
56

I've noticed this is especially prevalent among men who have high numbers themselves, or claim to...or who wish they had a high "body count". My ex of 7 years claimed he slept with 20+ women, yet preferred to date virgins or women with a very low "body count", the lower the better. He turned out to be a lazy, misogynistic and gaslighting POS. I also went on dates or dated briefly, other men like this. And yes they almost always pushed for sex early on and most definitely saw women (sorry, they r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/20 03:07 PM
6

Isn't that the most terrible feeling ever? I used to think this was okay. With an ex, it was very, very similar. Except it was his phone, or TV. I had a fall while rollerblading and bruised my tailbone, and was having trouble getting out of bed and needed to walk to the bathroom, while limping. He didn't even notice I was struggling, and when I asked for help, he acted annoyed that he had to pause his TV show/p*rn that he was watching, and gave me an attitude that he had to get out of bed to hel…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/20 12:01 AM
20

Good on you for walking away. I know it's hard when you really like the guy, but no guy is ever worth damaging your self-respect. I will never compete with another woman for some scrote. I've had guys openly try to make me jealous, by talking up other women in their lives, making comments on other women's bodies and looks, telling me how much some other woman wants them. Yet if I do the same thing and comment on other men, they get insecure and butthurt. You can do so much better. Him and this o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/20 02:42 PM
17

He assaulted you?? Did you get help? Good riddance to that creep. And ughhh...I fell for this stupidity. One time. He turned out to be an insecure, controlling narcissist who kept dodging relationship talks. Not to mention he wasn't even good in bed. Finally he said "I can't be in a relationship cause I need to work on myself!" I'll never fall for that crap again, and yeah, that is a BS excuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/20 02:34 PM
10

Boy. The things we used to put up with, before FDS! From ages 26-35, I chased after a guy who were clearly less invested than I was. One didn't want to marry me after 7 years, one didn't love me after almost a year, and the last one didn't even want a relationship with me. Still, I chased them, trying to make them love me more, and settled for whatever scraps of attention and affection I got. Not to mention I'd always insist on splitting the bill, paying for dates, picking THEM up early on, and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/20 05:16 PM
2

Not going out with anyone from OLD...trying to stay away from the city as much as possible. I've cancelled a lot of social engagements and my normal activities. I do have a date either next weekend or the one after, but I've known the guy a few weeks already.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 08:11 PM
15

The hell did I just read??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 07:57 PM
13

My brother :) he is younger than me but his girlfriend is lucky to have him. Been together 4 years and he still takes her out on weekly date nights, on yearly vacations, goes all out for her birthday, and asked her to be his girlfriend in the cutest way possible. And he still insists on paying for most everything for her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 02:30 AM
5

I love this because its SO true. When someone wants to see you, they will find a way. I did one LDR for 5 years, me in NY and him in WA state. We Skype'd daily and made time to visit each other every few months. The last guy I dated moved 2 hours north of me and used that as an excuse why he couldn't do an LDR.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 02:03 AM
6

I wished I listened to my gut about my last 3 exes...would have saved me so much heartache and headache. This is a really good chart!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 01:44 AM
20

Your mom was right. My parents gave me a similar talk, but I didn't listen. My oldest ex, who was 19 years older than me (I was young and naive). Probably was the worst. Gaslit and manipulated me until I finally wised up and dumped him. Always used his age as excuse to dismiss my feelings and do whatever the hell he wanted. Wanted a relationship with investing as little effort and money as possible. My ex who was 3 years older was much better and actually tried, just too bad he was avoidant and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 01:42 AM
5

Good job! A small victory is still a victory 👏 If I don't get a time/place by the day before and then a confirmation day of (or if I hear nothing from them all day), I just assume the date is not on and make other plans.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 02:27 AM
3

Totally relate. My mom has narcissistic tendencies and pretty sure the last guy I dated was a narcissist. Conversations were exactly like that. With the guy, he'd go on for 20 minutes about his problems and his day, and then a long silence would go on, without him ever asking me a question. My mom just has an uncanny ability to make every single conversation about herself...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 02:02 AM
14

How disgusting and misogynistic. Thank God you got away from him. He sounds a whole lot like one of my exes. Except he also threw in "what's the big deal about rape? It's just sex!" Also blamed his ex-wife for getting pregnant to trap him. Took zero responsibility for anything. Good riddance to those creeps!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/20 04:19 PM
9

Yes, cannot emphasize this enough. Always make sure you have yourself covered, even if you're with a HVM. You never know what will happen. I've seen and heard way too many stories of people (mostly women) getting screwed over when their husbands, who were providing for them, up and left and then fought them on alimony/child support to pay as little as possible, including my divorced ex. One of my mom's friends signed over her company to her husband, who then cheated and left her, leaving her poo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/20 03:42 PM
4

Yup, have had this happen quite a bit. In online dating and even some guys I met in person. When I was still a pickme, I would follow up with them and sometimes getting them to make a plan was like pulling teeth. Now if they don't follow through, cancel without rescheduling, or don't give me a time/day/place, we're not meeting and I don't talk to them again. And now, at this point, I just lose interest in them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/20 12:56 AM
2

Agreed with the other posters. I had an ex-bf who constantly flirted with other women, and then gaslit me by saying it was just "harmless flirting" and that I was insecure. Being young and dumb at the time, I believed him, even though it made me incredibly insecure and uncomfortable. Men who do this are attention-seekers. You will never be enough for them. So yes, big red flag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 09:56 PM
21

My dad taught me to be financially independent and my mom taught my brother to cook, clean, and do laundry. I always thank them every day for that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 09:38 PM
3

He bailed on you to make enchilada sauce for 7 hours? Wtf? I think it's just an excuse so they don't have to get too attached. Did we date the same guy? My last ex did that too, constantly cancelled/rescheduled plans last minute or constantly had to leave early. I was lucky to get a full weekend day with him. Once he almost cancelled a date to deliver money to his cousin's boyfriend's mom. Basically, I was last on his priority list. Getting him to go on a weekend trip was like pulling teeth...on…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 09:34 PM
8

Oh man, glad you got out of that one. I can totally relate. The last guy I dated pulled the same line on me 3 months in (we'd known each other for 3 months, dating for maybe one of those). He had love-bombed me and couldn't keep up the act anymore. My ex before that was also avoidant and gaslit me all the time (suddenly having something else to do or work late on the days we had plans, but not telling me until last minute, or saying "we never confirmed the date!" Conveniently, he also didn't use…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/20 03:28 PM
9

👏 at this! I've seen too many lives destroyed by marrying the wrong person, including pretty much my entire family.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 12:09 AM
2

Yeah, the sad part was, for those 2-3 months I was actively dating, that was the best first date I went on >.> Granted, I don't recall the exact events, but I think he'd suggested two restaurants and I didn't pick one until the last minute (again don't remember why). I think he tried to make a reservation but they were full, so he suggested we meet there still and look for something else. Still, he seemed like a nice guy with a good job and was respectful and fun to talk to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/20 03:06 PM
10

Yup, I foolishly fell for this line, one time. He went along with it for a few months, slowly started getting distant and then dropped the "I'm not ready for a relationship" line on me. That was the end of that. I hope people looking for relationships don't fall for this line!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/20 03:01 PM
24

I ended up not quite feeling a connection with this guy, but I sure wish I did. I actually met him over OLD, but he asked me out within a reasonable amount of time, and then planned a nice dinner date in the city. When we got there, turned out they wanted reservations and he hadn't made any. But he thought nothing of taking me to, and fully paying for this pretty fancy French restaurant nearby where dinner probably cost about $80-$100, with drinks. Afterward, we went to get dessert and took some…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 05:07 AM
15

Can attest to this as well, 100%. This was the last guy I dated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 05:00 AM
4

Seriously, get out now. 8 months and he hasn't taken you on an actual date, AND hasn't made it official? What are you waiting for? For him to waste more of your time? I just got out of a "situationship", but the guy actually took me on 2 dates before he kept asking for house dates. Just like your guy, he would make plans and then cancel, repeatedly. I also really liked this dude. He strung me along for a total of 2 months and then hit me with "I just can't be in a relationship right now but let'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 04:15 AM
1

You are amazing for offering =) I just had my manuscript returned to me from an editing service and I'm now making another pass-through to fix inconsistencies and incorporate their feedback. I'd love to take you up on that offer sometime though, when it's thoroughly combed through, and I'm happy to return the favor, of course.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 02:49 AM
4

Ugh. This reminds me of an ex-friend who would unabashedly chase men, even when they weren't responding to her. She literally saw nothing wrong with it, and thought of it as just "going after what she wants". Sometimes the guys would stick with her, but never officially dated or entered into a relationship with her. I cringe thinking about it now, and how her behavior led me to believe that chasing men and making the first move made me an empowered woman. It most certainly did not!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 02:48 AM
1

Awesome! Always love to meet a fellow writer :) and I adore a good romcom. I'm working on a YA fantasy now, editing before putting out on sub.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 10:56 PM
1

👋 represent! What do you write? :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 06:34 PM
8

Such an awesome group of ladies here. I'm throwing myself into my writing and working out. I submitted my novel for professional critique and am planning to attend a writing retreat in May. I also submitted a writing sample for a conference, where I'll get to work with 2 literary agents for an afternoon. Crazy stoked! I also took up and fell in love with yoga and aerial yoga/meditation, and gonna start belly dancing this week, something I've always wanted to do. Next, planning on taking my motor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 05:09 AM
3

Great job!! Keep it up :) I'm totally like you in that I haven't been single since I was 16. I always had a boyfriend, some guy I was talking to or casually seeing. I was always in a relationship when my friends were all single and dating around. I also have cultural pressure to marry before I'm "too old". I truly believe you have to love yourself first and become independent. I will never let myself rely on a man. I can totally relate to what you're saying. Now in my mid 30s, I find myself sing…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 12:01 AM
1

Good for you. Whether she leaves him or not is her problem, but you did the right thing exposing him. They are no longer your problem. Something similar happened to me recently, except it was the girlfriend who got in touch with me. Same thing happened, he deleted everything after she asked me for his online dating profile. No idea whether they broke up or not, but at least both of us know the truth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 09:26 PM
3

The last guy I dated exhibited 7/9 of those traits. I had suspicions that he wasn't quite right mentally and emotionally, and this confirms it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 07:58 PM
9

Yes! Start early! I didn't start saving for retirement until I was 27, and I wish I had started earlier than that. We're definitely not taught the value of financial independence, early enough. Remember if you're financially dependent on someone...essentially, they own you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 02:22 PM
4

I know, I was worried about those cheetahs too!! But since they made it through...yup, this is how I feel when dating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 04:24 AM
13

Seriously, either he's dumb AF (doubtful, everyone knows how to delete an app) or is looking to cheat (or already has). Leave him, he will keep doing it and you'll never be able to trust him. Stay with him at your own risk and the risk of your own sanity. How do I know? I went on 3 dates with someone who acted very much like a HVM. Who talked to me about other girls he went on dates with in the recent past, before me. Turns out he had a girlfriend of 3+ years (who contacted me). He's been on the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 04:22 AM
49

Ain't this the truth. After two decades of LVM, I decided that I will no longer settle. If that means I remain single for the rest of my life, so be it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 01:56 AM
59

I know a few women who made the first move on their boyfriends/husbands and they wound up together, but that is the exception, not the rule. Granted, I don't know the nuances of their relationship and if they guy is truly a LVM or HVM. A handful of times in my past, I've pursued men, and have had female friends who also did. It's never turned out well. They've always just seen me as someone they can (try to) get easy sex from, just gave them an ego boost, or they just went along for the ride and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 03:20 AM
6

I used to be like this, too. Now I just tell them I'm not comfortable enough with them yet, and that I don't sleep with guys who I'm not in a relationship with, or before we have established exclusivity, at the bare minimum. A lot of guys will whine or beg or get angry, but that's just them weeding themselves out. To the OP: Sounds like it's going well! Always keep your guard up (esp as it's long distance), but wishing the best for you 🤗
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 03:58 PM
7

Yes to this x 1000! My mom never told me this, but it was my dad to drilled it into my head to never give up your career and support system for a man. My mom gave up her job and higher education, and left her home country for my dad, stayed with him even though they had major problems, and after they divorced and the alimony/child support payments stopped, she was stuck. Thankfully she was able to go back to school and finish her education.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 03:54 PM
2

Some good advice here. What helped me was throwing myself into things and people I loved, that I neglected while being a pickmeisha in my past relationships. Make some HVW friends (mine helped me so much), and surround yourself with supportive friends and family. Reading this sub helps immensely, too. You have to love yourself and know your worth. Do things that make you feel good...work out, join studios and try new classes, do something you've always wanted to do, learn a new language, see the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 03:45 PM
7

Yes, yes, yes. Cannot advocate this enough. I always ask them to get tested and show me the results (to make sure it's not an old test), and I'll do the same. I will not have sex with them before that, even if he's my boyfriend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 03:28 PM
2

Yet if you cheated, they'd throw a fit and call you every name in the book... Its only ok if they do it, right?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 03:47 AM
3

LOL WHAT TEH FUXXX Hell no!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 03:25 AM
36

Love your reply 👏 and 100% he knows what he's doing. They usually do. I hate this so much. I used to initiate and make plans if they didn't. Never worked out. Now I just stop responding if they don't ask me out, after at the most, a week of messaging.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 06:53 PM
35

This is so sad and funny at the same time... Literally this was one of my exes. Older, lazy and out of shape, sitting there nitpicking at their looks. Like buddy you're one to talk!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 05:21 PM
5

I can relate 100%! I never believed I had a choice in relationships. Ugh, the last 3 guys I was with, I would have never even looked twice at them if I wasn't a pickmeisha. It takes time and effort to change your thinking, but stay strong and remember your worth!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 05:55 PM
16

Funny I saw this today...my brother literally just told me the exact same thing! He said, you ever notice how narcissists and psychopaths are always the most charming? I fell for a really charming guy who came on crazy strong. He turned out to be a selfish prick with narc tendencies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 05:50 PM
17

It's a work in progress! Find myself wanting to relapse now and then so I just come to FDS. Otherwise moving forward :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 04:20 AM
12

Really, really low self esteem stemming from critical parents who really weren't around all that much, whether emotionally or physically. Always being compared to (esp male) family members and my 'mothering' tendencies came from having a big part in raising my little brother. I grew up never feeling like I was good enough, and learning to seek attention and approval from others, in all aspects of my life. I never believed I was pretty or smart. So I just sought out any scrap of attention and aff…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 02:01 AM
2

Everyone already gave really great suggestions :) I wanted to add as well...Groupon/LivingSocial have been my best friends - go for massages, facials, spa days, mani-pedis at a discount. Also signed up for ClassPass and found so many amazing new classes and studios. Enjoy doing you and go live your best life!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 09:12 PM
21

Just got seriously grossed out 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 08:58 PM
49

Ugh can attest to this 100%. Wish I had seen this last year. I did this with my last ex and the last guy I dated cause I was told, give them a chance! You never know! Both turned out to be man-children, the last one was angry and insecure, to boot. Both had a host of issues they didn't want to, or care to fix. My mom also married my dad to "be nice". They were in an abusive relationship and fought all day long until they finally got divorced.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 08:49 PM
8

I love this so much! I literally just heard this from the last guy I was dating before we ended it. Hurt at first, but looking back, definitely a bullet dodged.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 08:15 PM
26

I wish I had read this a few months ago! Really struck a nerve. I didn't lose any friends over this, but the last guy I dated thought nothing of insulting my best friend and her husband, and their relationship. He'd never met her hubby and my bestie was always friendly with him, even encouraging me to give him a chance in the beginning. I didn't understand what his problem was at the time...but now it makes sense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 10:35 PM
24

100% agreed. I didn't listen to my gut in my last few relationships. Got me nowhere good. Finally put this into practice with a guy I went on a date with recently. I didn't have a good feeling about him, even though outwardly he seemed fine. Just faded him out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 10:22 PM
11

Its fascinating to read all your dealbreakers! Here are mine: -Addiction of any kind -Hyper-religious -Emotionally unavailable -Laziness -Pushy...about anything -Tobacco smoking AT ALL. I have asthma and I also despise the smell of cigarette smoke. Marijuana I can deal with if its occasional. -Doesn't like, or has no respect for animals -Closed-minded -Unhealthy lifestyle -Asian fetish -Any hint that he has unrealistic expectations of women...or that he's a closet misogynist -For men 30+...if th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 10:08 PM
23

Why is this ok...and so many wives/mothers I work and have worked with joke about this. They just brush it off like its normal and funny. Its really just sad :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 05:14 PM
9

Ugh. I know! It makes me cringe thinking about it now 😬
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 03:23 PM
23

Ugh one of my exes said this to me all the time. I wish I would have seen this 5 years ago!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 03:50 AM
57

I will no longer stand for this. I had two guys do this to me, and I always felt like something was off and felt disrespected. I walk fast, too! One ex constantly walked ahead of me, his mom, his sister...complaining that we were too slow. No surprise he was a disrespectful misogynist. The last guy I dated was in a wheelchair, and 90% of the time, would wheel way ahead of me. That one turned out to be an insecure man-child with narc tendencies. Both guys, I'd be rushing to catch up to them. So a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 02:57 AM
5

Its tough! If you're having trouble just flat out blocking and deleting, then you can always send him a text like "Okay, well I'm looking for something more substantial/an actual relationship/a boyfriend etc...and it doesn't seem like we're on the same page." Wish him well, if you want, and then block and delete. I know its hard but you'll be much better off in the long run! My dad always told me, short term pains are better than long term ones. It took me a godawful long time to learn and apply…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 01:39 AM
7

Ugh, they get so butthurt over something that happened to them years ago. Its called life, get over it. I mean, they tell us to "get over it" all the time, don't they? I had two exes like this. One blamed his ex-wife as the reason he never wanted to get married again, because "women change after marriage and she was a terrible person and I never want to go through that again." She was the reason he never wanted to marry me because she "hurt him so much." Newsflash, he emotionally abused me, gasl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 12:56 AM
2

These are all great signs to look out for! The last guy I dated admitted that he was deeply insecure in a rare moment of vulnerability. Here's what I noticed: -Bragging (a LOT) about his abilities, looks, sexual ability, achievements. Most times, his claims were grossly exaggerated. -Showed early signs of becoming a control freak (i.e. upset about a trip I was taking with a girlfriend. Telling me if I went to certain destinations, like Cancun, with friends, that he'd dump me on the spot). -Extre…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 12:41 AM
26

Except what they fail to realize is that most men will sleep with anyone. Sometimes, anything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 06:30 PM
1

Yeah, I should have reported him, but hindsight is 20/20 :( Unfortunately I did eventually fall for his charm and sweet words and gave into his persistence, and it didn't help that I was unhappy with my then-boyfriend...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 03:51 PM
5

Yes, yes, yes! Awesome post. The old pickmeisha me would have thought...BUT I CAN CHANGE HIM! But this is so true. Personal examples: Ex #1 called his ex-wife crazy and insecure, and told me he wasn't ready to settle down with his ex-girlfriends and they just nagged him for marriage. His longest relationship was 2 years I believe. Was only married for 2 years and separated for another two. Also called me crazy when I brought up issues and refused to get married, even after 7 years. Ex #2 was hor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 06:24 AM
6

110% this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 02:42 AM
3

Agreed! I'd also add, delete his contact info, block him, and then delete text threads. This way you won't be able to contact him even if you want to! If you want to go there, unfollow/delete on social media, as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 12:03 AM
2

I really love this! Even my own family is on about the "you need to find someone soon, you're not getting any younger!" I'm 35 and I am often mistaken for my 20s. I also don't care for kids, but none of that matters because I'm "old". That got me into and staying in relationships with LVM and men that wouldn't even commit to a relationship and just wanted to be "casual". It's funny, when you point out such a list to some men, they're just like "yeah but men don't actually want them romantically!…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 10:20 PM
22

Chasing after and making excuse after excuse for low effort men. Who weren't even good looking, BTW. Like, some were balding and out of shape. Initiating everything with them even though they just didn't care. Double or triple texting. Letting it slide when they disrespected me or constantly cancelled/rescheduled/was late to our dates. Trying to be the "cool girl". Waiting around dutifully when they wouldn't make me their girlfriend or wife. The worst part was? I was unable to walk away when I r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 10:09 PM
94

Yes, remember that men have gone to war for a woman. When it seems like every other woman out there is putting out early, keep your standards high!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 09:46 PM
58

Yup, these men know exactly what they're doing. They just don't care enough to make a smidgen of an effort. I used to go chasing after and make excuses for them. If only I matched their level of low effort, then I would have dumped them much sooner. From now on, if they don't respond to my texts or call when they say they will, unless there's a good reason, they're getting blocked and deleted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 08:40 PM
9

I know it's easier said than done, but don't beat yourself up over past mistakes. I was/am the same way, constantly wondering how I was so desperate and stupid to let my exes treat me the way they did, with such disregard and disrespect. And still I chased after them, begging for scraps of their attention and affection. Remember that life is a journey and we keep learning and bettering ourselves in time. And it's a process! You're trying to undo decades of societal conditioning and thinking, and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 06:47 PM
5

Jesus, sorry you had to deal with that. My last ex was the same way. Period blood freaked him out, though he never made me go home or didn't want to see me because of it. Of course those were the times (out of many) he would request anal, and I'd always say no. I was like...you have a problem with blood but you have no problem sticking your dick in a place where shit comes out??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 05:07 PM
6

Eww, you did the right thing. Good job walking away from that idiot. And after only a WEEK of dating?? If it's a manipulation tactic, it does work on pick-mes. Used to work on me and made me try harder. But now it just disgusts me and I brush it off and say "ok go be with her then."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 04:50 PM
6

This sounds so toxic...have you taken any steps to get out? I'm sorry, this is an awful situation to be in :( The last guy I dated was like this, kept me around while he could get something from me, said everything to keep me from leaving. Then when his situation changed and he realized I wanted an actual relationship, he bailed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 01:44 AM
16

Same here! Gotta learn to be happy on your own. Last year my (then) bf saw me for an hour and then had to leave. Bought me a little cake that I didn't get to eat cause too rushed, and I didn't see him the rest of the weekend. By the time I saw him again, his niece had eaten the cake -_- So yeah. Doing me this year and much happier.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 01:38 AM
8

Yeah :/ he made it hard for me to say no since I saw him on a regular basis at work, he was super charming, and I wasn't happy with my then-bf. He just wanted what he wanted, forget how I felt about it. Anyway, he's history now. Lesson learned 💜
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 01:35 AM
12

Totally! Well, I texted him back saying good luck and that it isn't a good idea for us to be friends. Then blocked and deleted him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 01:32 AM
22

Yes!! 100%! I made the mistake in the past of having my life and schedule revolve around a guy. Now, I keep busy with spending QT with family and friends, working on my novel, journaling, plenty of self-reflection, traveling (a lot! I take advantage of long weekends), attending workout classes, going to the gym more often, and when the weather gets nicer, planning to practice on my motorcycle and scuba diving more often. Thinking of taking up dance classes too...always wanted to learn belly danc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 12:14 AM
2

Damn, so much truth. The last guy I dated was like this. Never even so much as asked how I was or if I was alright (though he knew I was traveling, sick, stressed, etc...). He wasn't worth it at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 10:00 PM
18

They get married because they want the benefits of having a woman at home while still trying to chase other women for free sex because "variety". They want their cake and eat it too, basically. I see this a lot. I've had married men hit on me saying "oh my wife won't know! C'mon it'll be our little secret." Its disgusting and makes me want to go 🤮. If I have to interact with them, I'll bring up their wife as much as possible and tell them, in no certain terms, I'm not interested. I say "I don't …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 09:38 PM
14

Agreed. One of my exes lived across the country from me, and he went all out to coordinate with my best friend to surprise me with flowers, a cute gift and card with a sweet message on our first V-Day. He stopped making much of an effort after that, but I'll always remember that day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 08:39 PM
7

Thanks! And oh for sure. He was a LVM that I made the mistake of giving a chance to. But, he's history now 👍
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 08:34 PM
6

That sounds amazing 💓💓
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 08:26 PM
5

Feel better! My coworker was just out for a few days with the same thing...so awful ><
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 08:26 PM
19

I honestly feel sorry for the next women my exes end up with. It wouldn't even bother me to see them with someone else. One was a disrespectful, ageist, lazy, pornsick misogynist. Another was immature and a textbook avoidant. And the last one was a total emotional disaster who was always the victim.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 08:24 PM
10

Lmao. Reminds me of two of my exes. "Valentine's Day is a Hallmark holiday! I don't believe in that hype and giving money to the corporations!" No bruh, you're just lazy and can't be bothered to make any kind of damned effort.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 08:21 PM
28

Good for you! Go enjoy the day with your girls 💓 I'm sure they appreciate it :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 07:31 PM
34

I'm working today, but planning to hit the gym after work. Then dinner with mom and grandma :) after THAT, a nice bath, catching up on novel editing, snuggling with my doggo and doing some journaling. The guy I was seeing for a few months ended it over text yesterday saying "I have to work on myself and I can't be in a relationship right now!" Coincidence that he did it just before Valentine's Day? Good riddance to him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 03:23 PM
9

I blocked all my exes and guys I used to date but no longer, they ain't coming back. And I turn my phone on vibrate at night, and will sleep through pretty much anything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 02:36 PM
9

Oh damn, this hit close to home. I always thought that way...maybe if I take care of him, cook, clean, be the "cool girl", text him everyday with thoughtful messages, support him, keep myself available for him...he will make me his girlfriend/wife and I'll finally have the relationship I want. Never worked, they all just ended up taking advantage and took me for granted. So yeah, keeping these words in mind, starting now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 02:31 PM
122

I love the comment..."he stayed for an hour and left as soon as I lent him money." Lmao sounds like a real winner 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 02:23 PM
3

Totally, didn't even know this was a thing. Granted, he had shown himself to be a true LVM and I was actually thinking of how I was going to end things with him. But in this case, guess the trash took itself out!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 04:39 AM
13

I was beginning to think this was just me. Granted, I haven't looked at the women on OLD, but I take your word for it. Feel like I'm just swiping through one fugly after another. The good looking ones are a good 10+ years younger than me, usually.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 03:16 AM
10

Oh dear. A guy I was seeing for a couple months just pulled this on me...we were figuring out plans for the weekend, just last weekend. Today he texts me saying he needs to focus on himself and can't be in a relationship right now. I haven't responded and not sure if I will. Was just like...welp, that sucks. Next!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 09:34 PM
30

Ohh I see. That makes sense 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 03:40 AM
54

LOL!! Wtf was he actually asking for??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 03:31 AM
14

Totally this. I work with mostly women, so I hear a lot about their husbands/boyfriends. I hear a LOT more complaints than I do compliments...mostly about how they (the wives) have to do everything in the house because their hubbies are like useless children. And yes, they all just laugh it off like it's totally normal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 03:30 AM
2

He looks awful! And as someone who has been hit on by married men with no regard to their wives...it disgusts me. I thought about making a fake profile, matching with them, get them to meet me somewhere that they have to travel far. And then just never show up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 03:41 AM
16

My lazy, disrespectful, pornsick older ex: "You should be grateful that I don't hit you, cheat on you, or curse you out." and "Good luck finding a guy who will treat you better than me!" Oh, and he had the nerve to tell me I wasn't marriage material because I wasn't domestic enough (though I cooked a LOT for us), and that because I liked to go out too much and couldn't handle the "monotony of marriage." Ugh. So glad I'm rid of him!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 02:41 PM
16

This is so sad, and a cautionary tale. Some men can be so incredibly selfish, part of the reason why I'm super, super wary of having kids at all. I've heard so many wives and moms complain about how their husbands are next to useless with helping with housework and raising the kids. And it's just like having another child. I've also had married men with kids hit on me, always with the same story: "My wife won't touch me, she's so hard to be around, she doesn't understand me, etc." I've also hear…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 01:36 PM
17

It's still a work in progress (working through abandonment issues from childhood), but I'm learning that it's okay to be alone if you're meeting unsuitable men. That it's okay to have an assert your boundaries. And most of all, be okay to let go and walk away from an unfavorable man/situation and not give into the sunk cost fallacy (my BIGGEST problems in past relationships).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 02:57 AM
1

Sadly, I used to think this way, that oh I was so special because I was "chosen". Now I'm like...eff that! Single for almost 3 months and for the first time, I'm feeling more comfortable and secure with myself. I also used to have a pickme friend who would chase men and/or obsess over them, even if they made it clear they weren't interested. Stopped talking to me because a guy she used to like, hit on me instead (and she had a new bf at the time already), or when her old crushes would talk to me…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 04:47 PM
1

-Hyper-religious (I don't mind religious men, but I've met too many who have used it against me, or used it when it was convenient for them) -Emotionally unavailable -Poor communication -Broke -Immature / Reckless / Peter Pan syndrome (unfortunately, because I like video games and motorcycles, I've attracted a few of these) -Disrespect for animals/elderly/waitstaff -Pushy and can't / won't take no for an answer
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 04:40 PM
3

Yes, at 34! I never cared much about my looks. Then I made a really good HVW female friend who always looks adorable / beautiful. She showed me the ropes with makeup (still can't get damn eyeliner right thoigh), I got my teeth whitened, eyebrows threaded, go regularly for spa and sauna sessions (when money permits!), bought new clothes, am finally losing the weight I gained from being with my last ex, and overall feel great and my confidence has gone way up. Next up - eyelash extensions?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 04:33 PM
1

This can't be a real profile. ...or is it??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 02:36 AM
53

Omg, truth. One of my exes had a "work wife", and would brag that everyone thought they were a couple. She was attention-seeking and clung to all the men in the office (including hitting on my male friend who interned there). And she was married with kids. My ex eventually admitted that he had a huge crush on her but she didn't want him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 07:24 PM
14

Ughhhh this is so on point. Tried a "casual" thing with someone for a few months in the past, and this was pretty much him. I will never do casual again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 04:45 PM
4

Lol...teh fux is this guy on?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 03:44 PM
1

I just delete their number and block them, and old text conversations. This way they can't contact me and I can't even contact them even if I wanted to!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 02:59 PM
10

Cannot agree enough. I have my father to thank...he was my hero and constantly drilled in me how important it is to have your own money and a career. He always said...remember, if a man takes care of you, that's just gravy and you should never rely on it! A man can promise you whatever he wants, but he can also take it away as quickly as he promised it. I have a friend who is financially dependent on her husband and they are miserable and he's mean to her. Yet, she cannot leave because she doesn…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 10:30 PM
13

Good for you! Go be your best self and always remember you dodged a bullet 💜
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 08:21 PM
8

This is one reason why I refuse to use Bumble. I've gone out with a lot of guys from OLD...everytime I initiated the first message or had to initiate / plan dates, the guy either ghosted after a few messages, or a couple dates, or was just looking for easy sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 01:02 AM
44

Amen to this! I learned this the hard way with my recent dating experiences. Any guy who you feel like you have to drag into a marriage, exclusivity, or even for a second or third date - just doesn't like or love you enough. Men know what we want and what to do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 12:35 AM
2

Is this for real??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 09:22 PM
2

Yes, for 2 guys pre-FDS. One, I was inexperienced and he was older, lured me in with his manipulation and sweet talk (but no actions to back them up), and I fell for it, honestly believing I couldn't do any better than him. The second guy, I was just tired of dating around and just wanted to stop feeling lonely and just wanted a boyfriend, so I pretty much forced a relationship with him. I will never lower my standards for another LVM again, even if that means I'll be alone for a little longer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 03:37 PM
8

☝️💯 I feel the same way. If he hasn't made me his girlfriend, it's none of his business who else I'm seeing (and vice versa). I will no longer do the exclusivity without being a relationship again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 03:32 PM
3

With my last two exes, no. I would have dumped the first one the moment I fully realized he was useless, disrespectful misogynist after about 2 years. I wouldn't even have seen my last ex past the second date if I just, you know, held true to my standards despite his excessive pushiness and guilt-tripping for sex. Now I've learned my lesson.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 03:29 PM
9

Ugh this was the last guy I dated also, and I put up with it for a year. Except he would take much longer than an hour to respond to texts (sometimes wouldn't even respond at all), but I got texts back quickly when it was sexual, even when he was supposedly "so busy". Wanted to add, efforts to get to know you seem disingenuous and superficial, guilting you if you don't "go all the way", making everything sexual, getting uncomfortably touchy-feely on the first date (sometimes they won't even take…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 03:00 PM
3

Ugh, my ex before the last one did this. Drove me nuts! Would constantly lay there on the couch fondling himself while watching TV, and when I asked why, he just said he couldn't help it and it was habit 😑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 02:45 PM
19

Jesus. This is sickening. And why I won't sleep with anyone until we've both gotten tested (recently) and shared results.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 02:33 PM
7

Sad to say, but this was me during my last two relationships, even when I was unhappy. I feel 100x better now that they're both out of my life!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 01:38 PM
32

I'd leave. Honestly, 2 years and he doesn't love you?? I waited almost a year for my last bf to tell me he loved me, only to hear him say "I care about you but I don't feel love, and I'm not sure I will." When I asked, after 8 months. Boy, that hurt more than I cared to admit at the time, and eventually I just emotionally distanced myself from him. I never saw him the same again, and we broke up shortly after. He won't just magically fall in love after 2 years and is chasing some elusive feeling…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 05:19 AM
2

My last two exes were religious - Catholic and Christian - and were two of the biggest hypocrites I'd ever met. Neither or them had any problems using people and being selfish, and both were pornsick. But, it was okay because they went to church on Sundays and could just ask for forgiveness (or hide their terrible behavior completely, as with my last ex). I'm now wary of any man who's hyper-religious, even though I'm somewhat religious (Buddhist), myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/20 07:28 AM
7

My ex tried this...we were doing it on his couch and he flipped me over. "Accidentally" shoves it in my backdoor and I freaked out and screamed at him. He quickly backed off but never apologized. Then had the nerve to pressure me for it many times over (I just kept saying "you first"). Also happened to an old friend of mine. Her and her FWB were drunk and he "accidentally" slipped it in her butt. She told him that if he ever tried that again, he'd get her fist up his ass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/20 06:30 AM
2

I feel this! This was exactly my last ex, "spontaneous" was just code word for being a terrible communicator (he didn't even have the courtesy to let me know he would be late or have to cancel a date, until I asked him for plans day of...sometimes more than once), and seeing me whenever he felt like it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/20 06:08 AM
1

This resonated with me so much! I wish I had read this last year. I spent a year (I know...) with a guy who I felt like I had to beg for his attention and love. Always wondering how late he would be for our dates, when he would bail when we were on a date or if he would even show up, when I would hear back from him, or whether he would do what he said he would (i.e. call). I gained weight, lost sleep, and my eczema flared up from all the stress and anxiety.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/20 04:58 PM
52

Yup, and they pretend like they never know why you left them or stopped talking to them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/20 07:56 PM
23

This really resonated with me. I briefly dated a man who had a bunch of shit happen about a month into dating him. Was in the process of moving 2 hours away, and he was dealing with some pretty heavy emotional issues, and then physical symptoms from all the stress. Instead of forcing anything or stringing me along, he was very honest that in his current state, he couldn't give me what I needed, and he didn't expect things to get better until he had settled into his new place, however long that w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/20 04:04 AM
30

Oh, I know. My ex's house was a disaster 90% of the time because he was "so busy he barely had time to clean". He was in his late 30s. Another guy I knew, in his 40s, still lived with his mom and when I visited, I couldn't even find a place to sit down in his room and had to step over shoes and clothes wrought about everywhere. And they talk about us having nothing to offer...lmao
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/20 03:28 AM
13

I hear so many coworkers complain about and make fun of their husbands, how useless they are and the wives have to do everything when it comes to the home and taking care of their children, on top of working fulltime jobs. My ex of 7 years' late father was a HVM...I frequently heard about how he would get up before work, mow the lawn, clean the house, and help with cooking and preparing lunch and breakfast for the kids. On top of caring for my ex's disabled mother. No idea why my ex turned out t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/20 07:53 PM
10

Great job! Start the spring cleaning early :) I was just starting to do the same!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/20 03:10 PM
11

Does he give you any reason that he doesn't want to marry? Is he waiting to be more financially stable, etc? Or does he just avoid the topic completely? I was in a very, very similar situation as you, up until 2 years ago. I was with my ex, also for 7 years, from age 26 - 34. He had made mentions of living together, but when it came to marriage talk, he would get defensive and had all kinds of excuses for why he "wasn't ready" to get married and just said he'd propose whenever he "felt ready". W…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/20 02:24 PM
15

This! I also say "oh that's so nice of you, do I get to pick the men?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 09:23 PM
258

This was my mom. Her and my dad got divorced, she went back to med school, and when they met again for my graduate school graduation (15 years later), she was able to tell him she was a. MD now. You can do it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 07:01 PM
2

Lol, logic had no place with this guy. He refused to be pegged, saying it was against his religion (he was a self-proclaimed devout Christian), yet he had no issue wanting to stick it in someone else. Cause, obviously that made it okay (not...)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 06:25 PM
2

Dear God, I can't unsee this atrocity 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 06:20 PM
4

Oh, totally. The ironic part was, she told me that she ASKED him to hit and choke her. He wouldn't do it for a long time and she'd get upset that he didn't. Anyway, for numerous reasons, that guy is now her ex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 03:17 PM
48

Love this and needed to hear it. I'm slowly getting back into the dating pool again and as a recovering pickmeisha, I'm going to keep this in mind.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 03:57 AM
5

I know some women who don't mind a little light choking, and I had one friend who liked getting choked and hit during sex, said she couldn't orgasm without it. But it shouldn't be normalized, or expected. One of my exes said to me (when I was having trouble starting up my motorcycle and needed to turn on the choke first): "Bikes are just like women, sometimes you have to choke them first to warm them up." Shit pissed me off and I gave him hell for it. In retrospect, I should have dumped his ass …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 03:56 AM
9

Oh, I completely agree 110%. He used to argue with me about it, too. The mental gymnastics was amusing. Lines of "oh if I do anal with you, it's natural because it (his penis) is part of me and I just want to make you feel good. If you peg me, you're using an object that's not part of you and its unnatural." He honestly didn't seem that bright in most other aspects, so I was honestly surprised that he had this all thought out 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/20 03:25 PM
36

My last ex kept pushing for anal, and I'd tell him the same thing. He would always say "it's different, that makes me gay!" Even though I'd explain to him that they have prostates and it feels better for them. That being said, I have never done it, and I have no interest in trying it out. And I DEFINITELY would not do it just to keep a man happy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/20 03:54 AM
15

Looks like the 18 year old's dad 😑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 04:04 AM
8

I personally wouldn't, unless they (or I) were temporary. I'm casually dating an ex-coworker, but I knew he was only going to be at the job for a few months, and I also didn't see him everyday on the job. An old friend of mine dated a coworker for a good while...and when things didn't go well between them, she had a really hard time being productive since she still had to see him. Plus, they had to hide it from everyone. I saw how much stress she went through. Just remember if anything goes wron…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 01:26 AM
14

This has happened to me a lot, as well. When I'm not interested, they will chase and chase and chase. Once I show interest, they get distant and lose interest. This happened with a guy I had a fling with, very briefly. When I showed interest, he took his time responding to my texts, and had no problem blowing me off when I wanted to meet up. I wised up, moved on, and now he is getting in contact more frequently, upset that I started dating others, and initiating hangouts. I keep him at arms' len…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 04:37 PM
23

This guy sounds just like one of my exes. Almost the exact same behaviors. I put up with it because I was a pickmeisha and he had me convinced I wouldn't do better than him. Except my ex even went so far as to watch porn with me in the room. Never initiated sex and constantly hit on other girls, and never complimented me beyond a "oh, you look nice" once in a blue moon, when I was really dressed up. There is no point, if they don't see it as a problem, they're not going to stop this addiction.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 03:45 PM
10

Maybe I should give the younger guys a chance? I keep getting guys in their 20s matching with me on OLD. A 24-year old ex-coworker has been hitting me up to go out. My mom is approaching her mid 60s (looks like in her 40s though), and still gets hit on by guys in their 20s and 30s. There is no wall >.>
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/20 04:02 PM
47

Yup, had an ex say this about his ex-wife, that she was crazy and a nag. He started making me "crazy" too with his constant disrespect, misogyny, blaming me for every little thing, laziness, and dismissing any concerns I had.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/20 09:21 PM
2

Second this. An ex did the same thing, texting a female coworker more than he texted me. Swore up and down there was nothing going on (of course). Eventually he slipped that he was really attracted to her, and I found out from another source that he tried for her, but she friendzoned him and married and started a family with someone else.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/20 06:03 AM
4

Relationship goals for sure! Wasn't a fan of Obama as President, but damn he is a stand up husband and dad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/20 05:41 AM
4

That's disgusting...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/20 05:39 AM
2

Where to start...and yes I was a super insecure pick-me back then >.> Ex #1 -Always broke (made 6 figures, was content to let me pay for everything. Wouldn't go out with me unless I offered to pay) -Misogynist (would make comments like, how he had a son and "did it right the first time", among others) -Blamed me for everything -Dismissive of my feelings and constantly told me I was just being jealous, crazy, or overreacting -Constantly shat on marriage and how terrible of an institution it was (…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/20 05:38 AM
10

I really needed to see this 💜 felt like I was always fighting for a spot in my last boyfriend's life. It was mentally exhausting and embarrassing. Never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/20 05:03 AM
5

Lots of great answers! I also wanted to add...because people (esp women they date) let them get away with their sh**ty behavior. I let my exes get away with belittling me, trying to one-up me all the time, and all around disrespect me (back in my pickmeisha days). Both of them were not that attractive, but acted like they were God's gift to women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/20 05:09 AM
12

💯! I made this mistake with my last two exes. I held on for "potential". Even though I didn't like the way they were at the time and they showed no signs of wanting to change or better themselves. I deluded myself into thinking that things would get better 😞
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 04:08 AM
39

Yup, I have heard this same thing from my brother, exes and some male friends. If a woman approaches them and they find her even somewhat attractive, they will keep her around for benefits until they can get the woman they really want.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 04:05 AM
7

This is so hard to execute, but I've come to realize it's the best way to see people for who they really are. My dad always told me to just observe someone for a couple years before deciding whether or not you want to marry them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/20 06:00 PM
30

Omg, this. My last two exes were less attractive than me, and both of them took me for granted and thought they could treat me however they wanted >.<
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/20 09:21 PM
12

I love this so much. As a recovering pickmeisha...i literally was guilty of ALL of the above. My parents always hammered those topics into me, but I never listened to them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/20 02:24 PM
5

I love this! And same here. When my last ex and I broke up, my skin cleared up, and I look and feel better overall, and I'm getting myself back into shape, since I gained 10 pounds in the year I was with him. Oh yeah, and I stopped losing so much hair every time I showered, or brushed it. My ex had terrible eating and sleeping habits, didn't make working out a priority, never put me first, and was very avoidant. So I was extremely stressed 90% of the time we were together, never knowing where I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/20 02:22 AM
5

OMG...I can relate to this so much! My last ex was a LVM who I should have dumped about 2 months into the "relationship"...but I had these two friends (who I no longer talk to) who convinced me to stay with him, that I was being too picky and that I should stop dating around and give him a chance, because he was "nice", and said how much they liked him. Well, those same "friends" ended up dropping me a few months later and then nothing changed with my ex, but I stayed because I was a pickmeisha,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/20 02:06 AM
7

Oh dear, I needed to see this. Some of the shit we put up with! I've learned that if you're constantly making excuses for someone's behavior, something is wrong. My ex did almost all of the above behavioral. Except he did take me out on dates sometimes...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 04:19 PM
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