TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

greenbeanbird Archive

View 4 posts and 183 comments by greenbeanbird on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

Absolutely!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 03:53 AM
75

He acts like he's telling us this aMAzInG piece of advice when the type of man who immediately wants/begs for sex is one we'll happily let go of! If they want sex right from the start, they're telling on themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 01:07 AM
23

I can't remember if anyone's covered the 'I love to play/jam on (x) instrument' = 'He's ONLY into ONE type of music and he will hate any of yours' and 'He will constantly brag about and seek praise for being in a band for one semester' Seriously, super niche muscial guys have the capacity to be annoying and whiny about it because they think the music is their entire personality
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 11:25 PM
59

Eesh, that profile is red flag central
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 11:21 PM
7

Yes! Maybe a dictionary, too, so more women can have a revelation when they search for answers in a ZVM's behavior
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/21 07:53 PM
24

Demisexual (possibly biromantic) woman here! Thank you for this lovely post that delves so beautifully into why FDS is such an important mindset simply because it isn't heteronormative. As someone who only experiences sexual attraction after a long period of emotional connection, fun, and caring experiences with someone, it's very freeing to come to FDS and know that, at the end of the day, whatever a potential male partner may say (read: try to shame/push boundaries/mansplain) about how I navig…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/21 07:50 PM
33

The sheer level of disrespect that NVM boy has (he's NOT a man at all in my eyes) for her is disgusting; I'm glad she's free from his nightmarish behavior and hope she heals in time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 02:36 AM
31

I hope she tells him that he can do what he likes because he's single now/she's breaking up with him!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 02:15 AM
8

I was about to post this here, but it makes me feel so ill and frustrated for the OP. I wonder if we should try to PM her? She's already tried talking to her NVM multiple times but he's continued to consistently embarrass her in public with ZERO remorse. I hope she leaves ASAP; it looks like the only option is to throw the whole man out! Edit: I really want to forget I read that whole exchange. Does he have a fetish? I can't believe some woman is literally living that. WTF.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 07:00 PM
19

My recent NVM ex was exactly like this. He even said of himself, at the ripe old age of 27, 'This is who I am and I'm not going to change'
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 01:01 AM
14

He absolutely was! Thankfully we only dated for six months--three of those were long distance, which made it super easy to move on from him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 12:59 AM
35

You'll also likely have to deal with waves of insecurity from a Z/NVM. My ex asked invasive questions about which female friends I was close to, had I ever kissed any of them, etc. UGH.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 11:54 PM
4

Thank you for posting! I'm seeing a life coach as well to help myself with those issues, and while I'm single and focusing on myself indefinitely, I'm happy to see success stories from other queens as a reminder for when I do decide to date again!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 08:02 PM
8

Perfectly said and you're right--intelligent people tailor their speech and writing whereas the insecure men make their speech and writing meandering and difficult to parse, if nearly nonsensical
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 06:58 PM
58

Yes! Men raising their diction for no reason at all (I know it's an attempt to sound intelligent) is ridiculous
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 03:26 AM
17

One LVM that went over-the-top with his interest in me after THREE--yes, 3!!--years of my expressed, unrequited feelings for him* had the absolute GALL to say, 'I love how I feel around you' The absolute audacity from that one man alone, UGH *I want to clarify that we attended the same university and I saw him at a reunion; he was merely an acquaintance
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 02:18 AM
13

What the hell; he sounds like garbage! I'm so glad you're free from him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 01:03 AM
4

I'd love to check it out, too :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 12:58 AM
17

This! As a bird mom myself, I'm glad she's caring for the macaw so she (and the gf) have necessary emotional interactions with each other. I hope she wakes up soon and takes both his macaw and cat; I'm sure both pets are more emotionally bonded to her than him at this point and vice versa. Birds are a huge investment (time, emotional energy, money) and my heart always hurts when people don't do their research upfront to see if a bird is compatible with their lifestyle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 05:53 PM
1

I'm so glad he's out of your life! He may have had NPD, but the important thing is just as you said: he's in your past and you know that you're a HVW! <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 04:39 PM
3

Yes, queens, we throw the whole man away here! Once we're comfortable being alone, the abundance mentality will help us find a new man (should we want one) in no time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 05:07 AM
10

Yes! I love this energy and I've been practicing the same lately. One tip that's helped me is using assertive language such as, "I am...", "I assert...", "I expect...", etc. Essentially, I'm thinking of myself as an actor, not using a passive narrative.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 12:32 AM
61

Ughh, yes, that 'ol reliable' phrase from a narcissist. They also seem to enjoy and employ lines including (but not limited to!): "I've never felt this way about anyone else!" "I can't believe I managed to find someone like you" "You feel like home" "You're the most amazing/beautiful/emotionally intelligent" -- Yes, my NVM narcissist nExt actually said the latter and I was shocked because I thought he meant it. It turns out, my emotional intelligence only mattered when he wanted me to pump up hi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 12:20 AM
85

This post is a great reminder to stick to your ideals and affirm yourself! It reminds me of a quote from Oprah where she says, 'I asked God/the Universe for more courage and I received the opportunity to practice being courageous'. I also love these lines: "E.g. If a man asks for your number, texts you a whole bunch but doesn’t ask you on a date - is that an indictment on you, or is it an indictment on the adult man who doesn’t value his own time and approaches people he doesn’t care for?" Thank…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 12:16 AM
43

Submit your review? Yikes, his ego MASSIVE
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 12:10 AM
14

Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear that dating's becoming less stressful for you, a Queen, and that you're gaining valuable time back, too! <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 04:55 AM
2

These lyrics don't seem representative of a HVW. If a man isn't giving you the care/attention you need, then boy bye.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 01:32 AM
16

I think playing 'dumb fox' is appropriate for the situation. Just say something like, 'Oh, I'm used to more formal dates'. Then, it's on him to prove to you he's worth your time by planning the dinner date. (Personally, if he makes an immediate low-ball offer, I wouldn't be inclined to tell him what to do. That's essentially you planning a date he said he wants to take you on. I want someone with the initiative to make a proper date.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 03:58 AM
5

Queen, he literally cheated on you. Don't allow your guilt to let him live rent free in your head. Your feeling angry is understandable and I feel the only person you need to apologize to is yourself because you behaved against your own moral code in that you said something hurtful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 04:06 AM
107

They clearly put zero effort into reading anything from FDS then. Instead of leveling up or trying to help another woman, they're blaming her. Yikes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 04:02 AM
9

It's great that you recognize he's LVM, but don't respond to anything from him in the future. They like knowing they get any kind of response from you. Just block and delete the new number. Entertaining him isn't worth it; it's been two years!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 03:46 AM
3

Thank you for this thoughtful post, OP! I'm really proud that I'm putting in consistent work to create and maintain boundaries and work through the things that would make me reveal far more than they deserved to know. Therefore, when I feel comfortable dating I know I'll be emotionally safer and that I can laugh at their over-sharing manipulation and ghost em.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 11:55 PM
10

I just saw a news segment about the movie last night and my jaw dropped. My mom and I were and are completely disgusted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 04:36 PM
16

Hi lovely! I'm so sorry you were treated terribly by your ex. You 100% DID NOT deserve the way he treated you! With that out of the way, please go complete No Contact; delete him off literally every social media account you can think of, block and delete his phone number, his address, etc. When we circle back to an ex, our brains are craving a chemical hit of dopamine which only makes us feel worse because it's no longer there (https://www.elitedaily.com/p/when-your-ex-texts-you-your-brain-respo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 02:19 AM
7

My last ex fits this bill incredibly well. On our first phone call before meeting, he launched into a story about a serious medical event from which he fully recovered. It was so telling of sociopathy and his piss poor dietary habits. Never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 05:32 PM
3

Sis, did we date the same man??? The NVM guy I saw claimed to be over his acne but clearly was incredibly insecure and hung up on it and hadn't even considered seeing a derm. Oh, he claimed he would, but that's NVM-speak for never.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/20 04:51 AM
3

Sadly too true. Of course, he likely acts out in an unconscious, or maybe conscious way, instead of dealing with the problem directly which is going to therapy. I hope his new GF leaves ASAP; I wouldn't date a known cheater because I know I'd be to paranoid about his true intentions/actions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 01:47 AM
3

Or if it only stays clean for a few dates and he excuses his laziness with 'work'
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 01:22 AM
8

UGH, what a NVM. He completely contradicted himself about how he feels about his daughter, too. Earlier he said, "My daughter being a result of my sleeping around is kinda like the elephant in the room. Most of us never talk about it because frankly it’s embarrassing for me, and I’m not sure if I ever want her to know how she was made" and THEN changes it to "I also feel like it implies that I am ashamed to have my daughter from that situation which I am not". I hope he treats her well even thou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 01:20 AM
40

They really do use the /exact/ same phrases/tactics. In hindsight, he was definitely trying to isolate me--begging me to move closer to him and whined about having to visit me. I'm so glad I moved farther from him, instead. Thank you for your insightful posts; pre-FDS I wouldn't have been as aware of this pattern after only two NVM!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 01:16 AM
54

Definitely! My ex met one of my family members and after the meal the ONLY thing he could say about them was, '...They care about you a lot'. No shit! I could tell he was shook by that for some reason, and your post helps bring clarity as to why.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 01:03 AM
18

I once saw a similar posting for an expenses-paid, live-in female roommate who was comfortable with, iirc, him walking around nude.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 12:16 AM
4

He did all of that and is trying to switch back to the mask he wore? No way, queen, He Knows, Sis
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 07:44 PM
11

I'm gonna slow clap this out because you're right!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 12:29 AM
24

Absolutely! It's scary that repressed men weaponize their lack of emotions, seek to replicate that in others (women and their children), and don't seek any help
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 12:28 AM
10

That's a huge red flag for sure! I'm sorry you experienced that level of emotionlessness from a human being--I imagine it must've been so exhausting and confusing :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 12:27 AM
240

I want to correct 5 as 'ability to display POSITIVE emotion' because those NVM/LVM can easily express anger, crocodile tears, passive aggression etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 10:19 PM
20

I'm so excited to say 'no' to any future low-effort date ideas. In my pickme days, I usually planned the dates my exes and I had. Never again!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 09:17 PM
87

Yes, like people. We'll treat you like people who we hold responsible for their actions, instead of being untouchable or blindly worshipped like the patriarchy says we should.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 03:55 PM
4

Oh, he absolutely was! Thank you, queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 04:09 AM
51

I agree 100%! It's also telling if his mommy + DADDY issues revolve around a dynamic of how much he idolized his distant father while throwing so much blame, passive aggression, and shit-talking on his mom. For instance, even after admitting his dad was emotionally and physically distant with his whole family, my ex passed more blame onto his mother. He complained that his mom wasn't caring or involved with him enough, still obsessed about how she didn't meet his needs when he was younger (even …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 03:57 AM
2

I thought it said 'wrath' for a second and thought, 'Hey, that's valid, too'
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 01:29 AM
9

She looks so young and I'm worried about the likelihood of said 'guy friend' pressuring her into accepting violent behavior. I truly hope her parents or friends intervene because she looks brutalized.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 01:28 AM
62

This makes me feel nauseous as fuck, that men have gotten away with simply throwing their hands up in the air and whining about childcare, thus RUINING a dream for and burdening their wives further. I'm on the fence about having kids because I require my future husband to prove he wants to /be/ a father because I don't want to hear anything like that out of his mouth, ever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/20 04:13 AM
48

Absolutely! Even though he deems it 'his choice', his wife obviously didn't consent/have a choice about any potential STDs as a consequence of his behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 11:59 PM
30

Hi lovely, i'd hazard a guess and say the relationship wasn't healthy. You said he treated you like his 'little therapist/sex doll' and I'm sorry you went through that! It sounds like the classic narcissist tactic of hoovering, which is defined in detail here by Dr. Ramani (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPc7UxIfMfY). Essentially, they keep their hooks in you by lovebombing you back to them because they need ego validation. I strongly, STRONGLY advise to cut all contact! I repeatedly allowed my…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 07:09 PM
3

I need...multiple minutes after reading that. Wow. Thank god for FDS because I wouldn't have comprehended the amount of toxic, internalized misogyny the CEO has without this sub and the knowledge to stay far, far away from any similarly (perhaps unknowingly) misogynistic women I may meet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 05:50 PM
79

I'm so glad we have the website now. Reading that pedo mods are everywhere on reddit makes me feel sick, especially after they're mowing down women's subs
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 01:17 AM
3

This! My second ex pulled this move, too, and UGH. Good for you for leaving ASAP!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 06:10 PM
14

Ladies, ghost ASAP when he tries to bait and switch; my second ex would clean his place until he asked me out officially, and then his place turned into a pigsty. It was SO nasty! The dishes and bathroom were relatively clean, but dear God, he had a path from his living room to his bedroom and I nearly tripped every time I visited. NEVER again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 06:08 PM
2

Hi ladies, I have to ask: what do you think it is about ghosting that makes it easier for men to 'let go', as it were? Also, while I'm immensely glad to be done with my pick-me ways, I'm certain that by trying to 'hold on' to my LTR relationship (even though I knew it was dead at the end/didn't love him and I felt in a slump so I 'stayed'), it definitely turned my second ex off so he hasn't contacted me again (after 8 months). From now on I'll go ghost and block, but I hope his image of me stick…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 05:58 PM
1

Thank you for posting this; my first ex religiously kept hoovering back to me post-breakup in my pick-me days and this explains it. As soon as someone else rejected him (I'd find out after the fact) he wanted his precious ego kibbles
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 05:46 PM
7

I'd buy one, too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 05:39 PM
26

100%! If anyone's looking for a sign to cut out toxic friends, u/nutshit's post is a sign. I promise you, you won't miss them; I cut one out almost two years ago and I'm /so/ much happier! I also have much, much better, kinder friends! Just think of the space that person is taking away from people who /could/ be in your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 05:38 PM
5

This is heartbreaking and I hope that vile rapist gets a proper amount of prison time and that she never has to be within a mile of him. I'm sending you, her, and her family so much love. Realizing how young she is further breaks my heart and I hope her family is as supportive as she needs during this time. I'm so glad you're able to support her right now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 05:23 AM
75

It's a no from me! The language he uses is all about himself, he mentioned something he 'hated to mention', he asked for a last minute date (one that wasn't convenient for you, from the looks of it!), and he didn't even suggest a follow up!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 04:23 AM
11

I completely agree with everything you've written! At this point, a potential man will need to add to my happiness and be worthy enough that I make room for him among the time I spend with friends, pets, etc. so he'll REALLY need to be quality or I'll stop seeing him ASAP. It's so refreshing to be around other women who value themselves and care about uplifting other women, too <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 01:30 AM
33

I love this tweet because it hits the nail on the head! Thank you for sharing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 07:34 PM
23

Men really do be out there, trying to ruin cute animal games made FOR CHILDREN. Jesus. She's just a nice camel who wants to sell us rugs so we can get nice scores from the Happy Home Academy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 05:52 PM
75

Yes, #KickHimOut2020! I'm glad I've seen the light of a zero-tolerance for male BS policy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 05:46 PM
2

Good for you, queen! I'm so proud of you for taking steps to create a life you love and celebrating your progress with a beautiful item of your choosing! I hope you feel proud of and love yourself every time you look at it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 05:44 PM
22

Or with terrible acne/skin and think 'Ah, yes, I think I will do nothing about this but let my insecurity about it fester despite claiming I am fine'
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 05:40 PM
1

I love these points! Yep, the vibe that they want by idolizing that show is just...eugh
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/20 01:53 AM
22

I was trying to say that men seem more at ease with comedy 'made by men' and seem loathe to admit women are funny because they would need to examine what they find tired/sexist about standard male comedy. Thank you for bringing that excellent point to my attention! It's been a while since I've watched R&M but I remember Beth and Jerry's marriage being a particular sticking point of mine (the Alternative Universe viewing headset and the Therapy episode come to mind). However, I now realize that t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 06:41 PM
38

Oh, thanks for your reply because I realize I misunderstood the point of the original post! :D To that end, I believe that men's idea of comedy is more rooted in casual sexism and the ability to tear others down to the point of it becoming tired. To that end, if they don't want to admit that comedy written by women offers a different perspective and is objectively funnier they must have some hangups.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 06:29 PM
8

I made the 'face you make when you realize they ain't shit' so hard I was worried it'd stick for a bit. Oh. My. God.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 06:22 PM
2

Absolutely! (and your username is so on point for your comment haha)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 06:20 PM
67

Or, worse, Rick and Morty D: I think it's alright but the way men /fawn/ over it and tout it as 'peak intellectual comedy'? Barf.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 06:19 PM
31

I'm cackling out loud, thank you OP!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 05:06 AM
2

YES! You look like the absolute Queen you are! Sip that tea in the comfort of your sweet mink coat and steel toe boots
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 03:50 AM
37

If they're not putting in the effort to get to know you, that's on them. Ghost them!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 12:52 AM
5

Right?! That was my experience, too! Both my ex's parents were well off (the second more so than the first) yet both boys had major money issues :/ The second negged and had so much cognitive dissonance, it was crazy. He kept saying he /didn't/ care about money but bragged he would inherit some anyway (not set in stone, tho, he just liked to feel important) /and/ shamed me into paying for a date. Beyond toxic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 06:21 PM
7

100%! Both my exes are this way and I'm so glad they're both out of my life. I'll never, ever tolerate that sort of whiny, toxic, insecure BS from a boyfriend/potential boyfriend again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 04:53 PM
11

I'd say, be more clear about it and then see. If he doesn't change his grooming habits, you seem as though you're considering leaving the relationship, which is fine! At the end of the day, being honest with yourself and the other person about what you don't want is healthier and more HV than waiting around to 'grow a connection as intense so it doesn't matter anymore'. That strikes me as disingenuous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 06:44 PM
22

Imo, dating is about two people being comfortable with each other/not changing (within reason) for the other person. HV qualities and other musts/green flags (depending on the woman's needs) are what I call 'non-negotiables', but I consider opposite sex grooming preferences to be just that, preferences. If beards aren't your preference, that's perfectly okay! Tell him exactly that. Whether or not he chooses to take your grooming preferences into consideration is up to him. If you're incredibly p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 06:31 PM
3

Especially if he himself says, 'This is the way I am; I'm not going to change'
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 06:22 PM
44

For me the red flag is how he constantly brings up 'his patience' and implies that taking time for yourself/doing activities that are comforting to you are 'up to his discretion' because he doesn't want you to make a habit of it. Gross. If he were HVM, he'd be glad you're taking you time, ask a few questions, then leave you so you can have a nice evening
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 04:49 AM
7

I love this! Immediately added to my Spotify, thank you :D
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 04:33 PM
11

Oh my god, this man is so delusional it's pathetic. Once his (now ex) wife started taking him for what he owed her and her child (YES QUEEN) he said, 'iT TOok a LOt oF WoRk tO ForGIVe whAt I SeE As tHEse pAINfuL aTTacKS' and 'BuT I cOUlDN'T shOW hEr thAT i CaRED bECauSE mY FeEFEeS hUrTY'. What a narcissistic asshole.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/20 09:23 AM
9

I made this exact face two days ago haha (For clarification: I was thinking about how I deserved way better than the last two men I dated; I spoke to friends about lovebombing and thought to myself 'the dudes were really /like that/')
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 04:24 PM
60

I feel so terribly for the OP. She keeps insisting that their relationship is 'as strong as ever' but all evidence points to the contrary because her husband spends ~$24k/year on his fast food. Another redditor had the wonderful insight to replace the word 'food' with 'drugs/strippers/etc.' and say, 'If it were those, the obvious answer is you'd leave'.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/20 04:23 PM
13

Oh, he definitely did and it makes my blood boil that men like that are incapable of empathy and so selfish as to think 'Now's my time'.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 06:28 PM
13

I'm so sorry that low-life scrote did that to you. That makes me grit my teeth so hard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 05:43 PM
24

Absolutely. I had a family friend whose father passed and he /hit on me at his father's funeral by asking me to kiss him/. This was a man--or should I say low-life NVM--who had /watched me grow up/. He's at least 15-20yrs older than I am. At least. It makes me nauseous to think about. I give zero fucks that he was drunk as hell, his behavior was abhorrent and I've made it a point to avoid him when I visit the family (very rarely now).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 05:19 PM
1

You're welcome! And I'm glad you're on your FDS journey :) <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 03:30 AM
2

Heck yeah, that's amazing progress! I hope to be there myself when I (eventually) feel comfortable putting myself out there again or, even now, screening potential new close friends!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 03:28 AM
8

Congratulations, OP! I'm working toward all of these myself and I'm so inspired to see another woman who accomplished these self-changes and growth <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/20 06:47 PM
2

Stupid /and/ insecure. He was definitely trying to neg me about being biromatic/sexual?, looking back. He was insecure as hell and I was/am /definitely/ the prize and better looking one by far :T
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/20 05:52 AM
33

I take issue with calling a question regarding self-betterment "low effort". While this may not look like effort to you, it likely represents more work on OP's behalf than you and I are aware of. What is she attempting to unlearn by writing this? What's the negative thought pattern she's working through? We can't know until or unless she tells us. We all start somewhere and we should be supportive throughout the journey. God knows I have loads more leveling-up left. I'm working on my boundaries …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/20 05:07 AM
19

I'm beyond immensely proud of you, lovely!! YOU DID THAT! Please let that sink in; you're creating a magnificent life for yourself on your own with a top 10 percentile practice score? INCREDIBLE! I can't wait to hear updates and I'm cheering you on from across the internet always!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/20 05:01 AM
13

This! When I opened up to my recent NVM ex about coming to terms with being bi (biromantic moreso than bisexual, I think--still working to understand myself), he was...weirdly fetish-y about it. Saying things like, "Oh, one of my exs was bi and I /get it/ no worries" . Then, a few weeks later, asking me if I'd ever kissed my best childhood friend who I still adore (who's gay). I was like '??? what the fuck that's so inappropriate??' but said, 'No? What?' Should've left ASAP but stayed because I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 04:40 PM
5

Also, there's overlap between the two exes EW and DB which suggests cheating on top of literally ever other terrifying and degrading thing about that post.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 12:29 AM
2

I believe in you! :D <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/20 04:13 AM
10

Yes! When I feel comfortable putting myself back out there (who knows how long it'll be tho) this is exactly what I'm doing. Thank you for the reminder! <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/20 03:46 AM
86

Exactly! My new rule is to believe patterns, not promises!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 05:15 AM
46

My genetics say I'm only attracted to kind, attractive men with a decent salary who cook, clean, and genuinely love animals. I don't have a say, sorry sjdsdjk
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 04:11 AM
9

If you want to continue, please go very slowly and trust your gut. Imo, if you're already worried about being manipulated into a bad relationship with him, it doesn't sound like the guy is as good as he claims. Honestly, that flag alone would make me be ready to break it off at the next sign of disrespect or other gut feeling as my most recent ex promised huge gifts (like a getaway for my birthday) and was, 99% likely, a grandiose narcissist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 04:03 AM
24

Also, huge gift giving like that is a GIGANTIC red flag for me. It's something narcissists like to do in the love bombing phase so I'd be wary.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 03:57 AM
29

I haven't noticed it with makeup, but it's downright /rude/ when I take off my glasses or (exceedingly rarely) wear contacts. Then I get hit with, 'OMG YOU'RE SO GORGEOUS' like??? yes??? that's what my face always looks like :T
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 03:54 AM
7

Oh my god. Did this scrote really just say he's 'marginalized'?? I need some brain bleach now ughhhh
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 03:53 AM
36

I love how they're basically telling on themselves with all the projection and clownery. I'll just shrug and go, 'Cool, I can't help my fetishes for the man you /aren't/, either. Byeeee.'
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 03:51 AM
8

It's a pattern, for sure, due to either trauma bonding, familiarity, of both. I've experienced the same. What's helped me is looking inside myself with the guidance of professional, most times with brutal honesty to say, 'Okay, I did do this. I'm working on self-care, self-esteem, and honoring my commitments to myself so I don't have any room for that type of person anymore'. Basically, accepting it, forgiving myself as much as I need to, and then consciously working to better myself. At the end…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 03:47 AM
15

Yesss, I love the 'term' circus-sexual and this ultimate reminder of our worth! Both of them are fire!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 03:41 AM
30

The biggest thing to address, lovely, is that alllll this is on /him/. Either this is who he has been all along or who he decided to show up as in your moment of real, true need. There are multiple loving ways he could've responded to you, but /chose/ not to do so. Not because of anything you did, but by his /choice/. Imo, a good partner *should* have said, 'X I love you so much, and I'll talk to you for 5 min. I'm sorry that's all I can give right now, but I'm having a rough day too. I need som…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 07:54 PM
58

Please don't give LVM free advice regarding cutting down on their flags. When they display red flags early, a woman can get out ASAP and save herself time and stress.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/20 03:35 AM
2

It truly is! Congratulations on your level-up journey, newfound confidence, and saying goodbye to the conditioning! <3 I've still a ways to go before I'm where I want to be (career change, finding a job in said field, and moving cities after things calm down) but I'm excited to support myself in ways I didn't before!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 09:19 PM
2

I completely empathize and relate to this post! So much of my breakthroughs in self-work and leveling up have been realizing that I have so much to offer myself. I've been single for 6mo, but both of my relationships were predicated on me being in a bad self-esteem place and ignoring that. I realize that my first duty is to myself, I can meet my own needs, and I can't wait to set myself up for more success later! Only when I'm fully comfortable with myself and my career will I consider dating!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 09:10 PM
20

100%!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/20 06:00 PM
9

To quote Tan Francis: "Make an effort" Poor guy thought that would do the trick? Lmao byeee
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 06:57 PM
27

He's SUPER NVM in my eyes. I remember when he said 'when a woman is r*ped, that child is God's choice' or something similarly minsogynst and, in my eyes, violent. (To clarify, I view any excuse when talking about violating sexual consent as violence)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 06:25 PM
19

Right? My first thought, too lmao It's the other way around, most times--/they/ exploit us for our children and the non-monetary but just as significant contributions
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 04:30 PM
3

Thank you, OP! I've had a bit of a slump the last few days, decided I'd get out my journal to do gratitude exercises earlier today, and then saw your lovely post which has a wonderful addition of self-gratitude I hadn't thought of until just now <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 05:01 AM
27

Yes! To add (speaking to myself here first), if it's /too/ much and /too/ obvious, please run ladies! Lovebombing takes being obvious and makes it completely over-the-top. So I'd say painfully obvious in an appropriate way for the length of time :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 01:15 AM
1

Aww, yay! I love macaws and cockatoos and I own a quaker myself! Your cockatoo sounds /delightful/ and so cute! I'm happy the cops were smart enough to recognize that your birds are amazing <3 Those guys sound shitty and I'm glad their response to your birds let you know that upfront. My most recent/second ex was interested in my bird, but looking back on it, it was more of a 'front' bc he saw how much I adore my bird. I can't explain it, but I just /know/ he wouldn't have been too involved in h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 12:55 AM
1

Aww, what kind or birds do you have? Or are you talking about kids? Either way, awww!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 04:12 AM
3

Definitely! It's a sober window into how he'll be with his own kids, I think. He should mostly be (I realize kids, like all people, aren't perfect, hence mostly) excited to spend time with his sister and eager to provide her a good experience they can enjoy together. Instead he just...dumps her off on his gf and acts like it's her job to entertain the child at her expense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 11:09 PM
27

I had a thought of 'Well, maybe he sees the Switch as his /somehow/ even though he bought it for his gf' which is just 100% scrote clownery on his part.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 09:04 PM
11

My thought exactly! I was reading that going, 'ermmm, sadly not likely, sis'
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 08:56 PM
14

My thought exactly! I had concerns about what the comments would be like, but everyone seems to be backing her up!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 08:56 PM
5

I'm sorry you went through the same situation! I hope you're feeling more peace now and can relax as you see fit <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 08:55 PM
35

Oh man that thought gives me hives. I'm on the fence about kids as I'm more of a pet person--birds can take up the same amount of time haha--and because I want to make absolutely clear that the man I marry is worthy enough (in my eyes) to be the father of any of my potential children.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 08:54 PM
8

That's an excellent point! I have no patience when imagining how he'd justify 'hIS fEelINgS' while so readily dismissing his gf's
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 08:52 PM
10

All I could picture after reading 'funnnaayyy' was John Mulaney looking at alllll the LVM/NVM dudes and going, 'NOT FUUNNAAAY' so thank you for brightening my day!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 08:44 PM
2

My first ex fit the bill for emotional and spiritual bypassing to a T. After we broke up, he'd move on to grabbing the interest of another girl after he was rejected by the first, etc. The kicker? He was rude AF after getting rejected by multiple intelligent, gorgeous women I later got to know and befriend. It's pitiful, gross, and everyone could see right through him and his trash behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 03:52 AM
14

In that post alone, he mentions getting angry four (4) times--one of which he tells her to 'shut up' (rude as all f). That alone speaks to possible anger issues and definitely his character--she needs to leave him ASAP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 03:35 AM
4

Girl, SAME! That's what really made me question myself, too. So glad I never have to put up with him again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 05:17 PM
43

Love this, thanks for the wonderful reminder! To wit, I'd like to add that it's so important to look at data from others--how do people outside the relationship whom you love and value treat you? That's a /much/ better indicator of your value. I was always treated like the premium person I was/am by literally everyone else aside from the gaslighter I was dating because I /am/ premium. I say all this to hopefully help at least one other woman leave sooner because you all deserve the very best <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/20 06:36 PM
70

Absolutely disgusting that the ad is phrased '...went from not fucking ANY/THING/'. With an attitude like that, it's obvious to see why, asshole.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/20 12:38 AM
273

I love the inherent power here; just throw the whole man away, ladies, you're worth it! I know the tweet promises 'a new man' but, tbh, taking time for yourself after is honestly more satisfying!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/20 05:24 PM
2

He sounds like a precious weirdo! I hope you two have a wonderful rest of your day together <3 Thanks so much for chatting with me about birds!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/20 05:21 PM
2

He's 1,000% spoiled rotten haha! I try to cut back on it but I can't help and give him attention when he wants to play peekaboo, sings his songs, or stay on my shoulder <3 Is yours a huge talker too?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/20 05:03 PM
3

I have a quaker, too! I'm pleasantly surprised to find another quaker mom in FDS :D
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/20 04:58 PM
2

Mine too haha <3 What kind of bird do you have?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/20 04:54 PM
20

Dear god in heaven, did we date the same on-fire garbage can? A few changes (had a p well paying job, but was suuuper liberal with it?? the dumbass), but the list was /frighteningly/ accurate and I'm so sorry other women put up with this shit, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/20 02:02 AM
1

Ahh, thank you! You too! <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 11:08 PM
109

Absolutely! Ladies, please please find an outlet for all the wonderful love, attention, and empathy you have! Yourself, your closest friends, pets--anything. My bird has been the most wonderful re-direction of attention that's /always/ reciprocated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 05:13 PM
27

Absolutely! My first ex once admitted that he 'struggled with being a nice person' during my off-again-on-again period with him. Now I realize I gave into the sunk-cost fallacy, insisting that I could help because I didn't want to admit I'd made a mistake in choosing to date him. Yikes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 05:10 PM
20

First off, I'm so proud of you for getting yourself out of that garbage-fire situation! That's a tough thing to do and I'm glad you're happier for it! :D Second off, I hope you block/delete him on FB unless strictly necessary because even tangentially knowing about my first ex (only made the 'too socially connected mistake' once) made it way harder to move on. That may not be the case for you, but I want to drop a line and gently ask if you're really honoring and putting yourself first by seeing…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 05:08 PM
32

You ever just grit your teeth so hard when you remember reading about celebs and other men who've said shit like this? I do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 05:02 PM
7

Ooh THIS! My most recent (second) ex had maaaajor mommy issues to the point that I was floored. He didn't like her /at all/, claimed he'd 'humanized her treatment of him' and continued on to say she was now a 'drinking buddy' when he went to visit her and her new husband. His mom remarried to a wealthy, self-made man who doted on her (from what I heard) and now i'm just like, 'Hell yes, live your best life bc your son's opinion is shit'
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 04:59 PM
2

Aw, yay! I hope you and your future pup have /the best/ time together. Lmao exactly! Your sass absolutely sustains me today--yes Queen!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 04:55 PM
27

God, the amount of respect I have for a man who takes proper care of himself really makes it feel like the bar is in hell. Taking care of himself shouldn't be unnecessarily gendered--we should /all/ want to look our best for ourselves and others. I love my skincare routine! Sure, it's expensive, but I find it relaxing and a wonderful self-investment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 12:09 AM
2

Thank you so much; I take care of him to the very best of my ability! Haha yep and I love your thoughtful response; it makes me sad when people get a birb only to say they're too much work later. Do you have any pets of your own?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 12:06 AM
2

Thanks for letting me know about facebeak, I'll have to check it out! <3 And thank you so much for your lovely comment! ;v; My birb is honestly one of the most fulfilling connections I have--he's enough like a kid that we can have conversations and he's spoiled rotten haha
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 04:34 PM
3

Thank you so much again, you absolute stellar human being and QUEEN! <3 I've committed myself to life coaching, reading, new hobbies and only dating when I feel absolutely ready. I hope you're having the most wonderful day and are able to treat yo self in whatever way makes you happiest!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 12:52 AM
5

Thanks again for the pep talk; you're very sweet and I appreciate you (in the best way, you sound like my friends and family)! You too; love yourself because you're a wonderful human who took the time out of her day to cheer a stranger up! I love myself now more than I ever have. I'm so grateful to be done with my narcy, gaslighting, college bf who made me feel absolutely crazy. I've learned a hard lesson from how I allowed myself to be treated by both my exes--now I KNOW /I'm/ the prize and my …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 12:40 AM
3

Yesss, I love this thread! I'm dedicated to leveling up (tele-life coaching, reading, etc.), learning Danish, spending quality time with my bird, playing some relaxing video games, and reconnecting with friends
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 12:22 AM
10

Isolation is a very real tactic men will try and /attempt/ to be cute about it. My last ex tried this, saying I needed to not 'get in my comfort zone (move back to) my most recent town' and it set off all my alarm bells--trying to tell me where he wanted me to move and it would be great if I could 'live like 5 minutes from him' Indescribably glad and proud that I ended up moving far away and blocked/deleted. Thank God he's not gotten in touch over the last 6 months.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 12:20 AM
3

Thanks for saying so! I really needed to hear this today and I'm grateful your reply came when it did <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 08:47 PM
2

I sent you a PM with the book names and prices! I can post them here, too, if you'd like :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 06:19 PM
2

At least this man outed himself as an utter idiot to any potential woman who would've dated him
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 05:49 AM
67

Vaguely terrifying that LVM can't even leave /other MEN/ (whom they typically respect more than women, sigh) alone when it comes to women
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 05:26 AM
24

I'm assuming this stunning Ghibli watercolor is yours and I'm LOVING IT! The shading is soft and immaculate! I haven't watched Princess Mononoke yet so I'll give it a go.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 05:12 AM
5

You're so welcome and I'm very happy you found it helpful ;v; You deserve to invest in your future and treat yourself as well as I'm sure you treat others! I'm happy to recommend a few of the books I'm reading about this very thing if you'd like!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 04:37 AM
17

I'd say it's not a question of 'too damn long' but more of a 'Hey, I learned this when the time was right for me! Go me!' because when we finally get it, there's no going back! (Tbh, I like being extra kind to myself now after recovering from my pickmeshia ways and two narcy NVM jerks so no shade on how anyone talk to themselves, I just want you guys to love yourselves!)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 04:21 AM
23

At this point, I'm tempted to say it's a real LVM/NVM because it takes all kinds and OLD has the bar in hell haha
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 03:45 AM
128

I love how he tried to hide the fact that he has neither a car nor house within the utterly insane 'type' laundry list. Ridiculous and laughable. Also, asking after an inheritance?? Wtf??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 03:37 AM
6

More power to you! I'd say to treat yo self to usher in this new, exciting chapter of your life :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 03:33 AM
10

Sending you love and hugs! It was neither of us and we're much better off without L/NVM and focusing on ourselves <3 (Love your username, btw! Now I'm craving kombucha haha)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 02:17 AM
60

Thanks for the reminder that little activities can bode as a HUGE metric for other behaviors we need to be on the lookout for!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/20 10:23 PM
55

Thank you for saying so! Although I like to think of myself as moved on from my first ex, the constant gaslighting of it being 'all me' has yet to wear off. I'm working on it daily, though!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/20 10:02 PM
2

Thank you for the new resource and I really enjoy your username, too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/20 08:50 PM
2

To that end, meditation of any kind (traditional, walking, exercising, working out, etc.) helps us recognize our gut better! The more we honor it, the more apparent it becomes and the less garbage behavior we have to be around :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/20 06:19 PM
42

Good thing the low value man took himself out with the rest of the junk you don't need anymore Congrats on your job!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/20 06:17 PM
17

Congrats on setting and maintaining your boundaries and realizing that it's about how other people respond to them! I'm working on doing the same and your post is inspiring :) <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/20 06:13 PM
2

Thank you so much for this advice! I'm changing careers (hard to do with the pandemic, but I'm excited) and I'm grateful to know this. In an earlier reply, you mentioned your health was poorly and I hope you're feeling much better now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/20 12:01 AM
11

Thank you for sharing this! My situation is massively similar and both my narc exes were after my academic accomplishments (a merit scholarship that paid my entire undergrad career + extra for which I'm eternally grateful, research, etc.), my social circle, my passion projects (my bird, learning languages, etc.) etc. Instead of talking me up, they'd actually try to tear me down by saying, 'Well, /I/ could have done that!' (college ex) or 'Well, academia is an ivory tower' (government employee ex…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/20 11:30 PM
6

I love this reminder; thank you for posting it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 08:22 PM
32

Pfft, /he/ and /his/ needs are front and center here--and I bet the 'need to be touched and loved' is absolutely meant to be just sex. Gross and his red flags are apparent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 02:26 AM
2

Oh my god I hope this girl leaves her boyfriend /yesterday/. The age gap made me shudder; she can do so much better than some older LVM scrote who dresses like a kid!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/20 04:28 PM
2

Absolutely!! Both of my (24) LVM exes needed therapy and talked about it like this; one joked that he'd be there by the time he was 30. The other proudly proclaimed his own ignorance and lack of self-awareness by saying 'even if I know what I have it won't help me' or 'I don't need therapy' If they project/deflect like those two: RUN
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/20 06:30 PM
1

I love this!! Thanks for the reminder that we don't have to bow to his precious little feefees; when he pigeonholes us in a role we don't want, aren't comfortable with, etc. that he thinks we should play for him because was 'a nICe gUy' we're free to go!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/20 06:15 PM
3

Absolutely! This is crucial advice and the reason I stayed with my two LVM exes. I wanted to avoid my 'inner work' and, surprise, when I thought of being single I knew I'd have to deal with my issues. Far and away happier single (aka: without either of them!!) and proud of myself for doing that work!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 08:02 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter