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j_smith987 Archive

View 2 posts and 46 comments by j_smith987 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

You will have to pay substantial alimony and a lot of child support. Depending on how your wife is, your kids could be brainwashed and alienated. I e. You will lose money and may lose your kids too. i am yet to see an amicable divorce once kids are involved. My advice is to not get divorced. Wait 8 more years till your youngest is 18. Right now you have fallen out of love. Post divorce circumstances lead several divorced dads to suicide. If you can avoid, please dont initiate divorce from your s…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/22 01:40 PM
2

If you earn less than her, then she is in trouble. Dont send rash text messages or emails. Dont leave voice messages. Also, be aware that she could be recording phone calls. Show that you are sane and capable of taking care of your kids. If she makes more money, your child support will be minimal. You can ask for alimony also. She cannot take the house just with a tro. If the house was bought after marriage, it is marital property. You can put it on the market after talking to your lawyer. Remem…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/22 02:50 AM
2

It all depends on what you can deal with. If you cannot function day to day, or if your son is alienated, it is ok to move on. Don't give up custody though. Stopping visitation means your child support could go up, but you still could have joint custody and could start visitation in the future when you are in the right frame of mind. If the family does not give a fuck about you, fuck the family!!
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/20 03:30 AM
5

Are you divorced yet? These feelings are normal and I have seen them in people who did not initiate the divorce. They feel betrayed, cheated and have a tough time coping with this. As time passes, you will learn to deal with this. Keep yourself busy with whatever. If you feel you are at Rock bottom, then the only way is up from now on.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/20 02:55 AM
1

Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/20 04:08 PM
3

What do the irs rules say? Is a gift considered as income? And if it is from your mom, is it not like inheritance? If that is considered for alimony, won't you have the same claims on whatever inheritance your stbx gets now or later?
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/20 04:07 PM
2

Did you have a pre-nup in your first marriage? Is this from your first marriage?
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/20 12:46 AM
2

Thank you all for your responses.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/20 12:35 AM
1

Sorry to ask this. But, how do you know the other kids are yours?
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/20 09:14 PM
6

I think you should be able to proceed without her. It only matters that she has been served. Once you get the court date and she does not show up, you should be able to get a divorce. Go to the family court where your case would end up. They should have a family center where they have ombudsman, counselors who will tell you how to proceed. Your lawyer makes more money when there is conflict and she also files a counter complaint. Figure this out soon. As time passes, alimony etc will come into p…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/20 12:46 AM
4

I have done the psych eval separately when visitation was an issue. In my case the child law guardian had already told the psychologist that I was not going to get visitation. I told my side of the story to the psychologist in detail and she conveniently twisted my words in a way to make my chances of visitation zero. What I can recommend is to speak very less and stick to facts that can be proven and if your ex is lying, ask her to prove it. Explain any mistake you did in a calm manner & spin i…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/20 12:36 AM
1

I was in a similar situation and I walked away. Around the time when I was in a similar situation as you, my ex levelled several false allegations including I beat my kids up. I tried to do everything that child services wanted, but they would continue to increase their requirements. My recommendation is if your kids are willing to take your side in front of authorities and are not yet alienated, there is still something to fight for. Otherwise, it is good to just walk away. You will still give …
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/20 01:36 AM
2

Yes. Message me privately.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/20 03:20 AM
7

You are a nice guy and your stbx is very likely a wh*re. She might even offer you sex to make the divorce quick and amicable and economically beneficial for her. I hope you realize that and get all your points in the divorce agreement. Since there is a kid involved, please list very very thoroughly how the visitation will work. I.e. dropoff/pickup days, time &location. Account for weekends, public holidays, spring break, summer vacation, Christmas vacation etc. Be very careful what you text/emai…
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/20 03:53 AM
3

If she has access to your bank accounts and credit cards, I recommend you contact an attorney immediately before she drains your account or buys an Audi for herself or pays off her debt using your money! Don't close accounts, cancel cards or cancel health insurance before talking to an attorney. Keep a close watch on all your accounts. Reduce the atm withdrawal limit if u can. You could give her money that would be needed if she had to survive in your residence. Nothing more. Get an attorney. Yo…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/20 12:47 AM
1

I see several comments saying "don't move out". My ex started assaulting herself with a belt. Luckily my son saw it. I don't know how you will handle that if u say your wife is prepared to create a mess? If you have the time, u can do some local court watching & then select a young local lawyer. Hiring a lawyer is essential.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/19 10:43 PM
1

In my case, I had the local cop present. See if that is possible.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/19 10:43 PM
1

I agree. Go to mediation. Exchange all discovery, interrogatories about assets. Get her to sign the doc that says she has seen all assets. Try to have as few grey as possible. Same with visitation & custody. If u have kids in between, there are bound to be conflicts.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/19 10:40 PM
1

Yes. Is your case still ongoing? If yes, the lawyer will want to keep your case and negotiate easily. Stop paying the fees and go over each item you think it is not ok. I was able to get a 10,000 bill once to 6,000. But, if u have an expensive attorney, find a cheaper one asap. Somebody who is near the court or has worked in that court.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/18 06:26 PM
1

Your friend should book an international vacation with his kid and never come back. That is the only way!
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/18 06:12 PM
2

When you have shared custody, it is not going to be easy. If your stbxw agrees, send your kids to some neutral support groups. Talk to his school counselor and he can help too! If you can take him to ur friends who have divorced & have kids, that may help. I recommend staying away from counselors and psychiatrists! It is not going to be easy. These are some of the unwanted consequences of divorce!
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/18 06:11 PM
1

Yes. I have 2 kids. I need to pay child support for a long long time! I wanted to retire or change professions! Cannot move to a low paying job because support payments will not go down!
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/18 03:32 AM
3

If you are making that kind of money, take a couple of days of leave, go to "super lawyers" or avvo.com and talk to at least 2 attorneys in each state that you list. In 2-3k, you will get the definitive advice that you need. I was in your situation with 13.5 years of marriage in NJ & was in that grey area of lifetime alimony. Luckily, I was able to negotiate to 7 years of alimony with my parasitic ex. Don't get stuck with lifetime alimony!
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/18 10:40 PM
1

In NJ, child support uses child support guidelines & they are easy to follow if both you and ur ex are working. If she takes a low paying job in her new location, I don't know if the judge would use the lower salary for the calculation. So, to avoid that confusion, you could consider filing right away if 172 is a significant amount for you. Whether she lawyers up or not should not be of concern to you. As a business decision, do you stand to gain anything with the lawyer expenses that you will i…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/18 10:27 PM
2

Ok. If she has the ability to work more, but doesn't; consider hiring an employability expert to impute income. If you get a chance, keep copies of her educational & work experience, certifications, trainings, awards, resumes etc.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/18 06:04 PM
1

Have both of you tried counselling? Your kids are still little. They will start understanding after 5 years or so. You could attempt to make it work until then. Your parents know both of you better than people on the forum here. I recommend that you listen to them!
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/18 03:26 PM
2

Get her coal!
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/18 03:21 PM
1

If you have visitation details laid out in your order, the police will help. Otherwise, file a motion in the court. Let your ex now very clearly that you will enforce the visitation exactly as it is laid out & if she does not agree, you will approach the police and the court.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/18 03:20 PM
1

I don't think you will get a restraining order with an evidence that old. However, that evidence will help you if ur stbx files any marital tort motion alleging any physical abuse and harassment. You have given very little details otherwise. If u earn substantially more than your stbx & don't think ur stbx deserves more alimony/child-support, u could get a low paying job and wait 6 months before filing. Alimony & child support are the biggest pains post divorce and particularly when the ex uses …
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/18 03:16 PM
2

The important question is.. are you strong enough to fight? If you pick up gloves & a court case is dragging on, do u think you can deal with that uncertainty, tension, distraction, negativity & lawyer fees? If not, sacrificing is better. Ultimately, it is you who is impacted and not us. Sometimes, it is purely a business decision. I.e. if the fight is for 15k and if lawyer fees will be 20k... But, as others have said here, compromising each time will make her greedier too!!
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/18 06:54 PM
1

If you don't have funds & she is getting a lawyer, you can request the judge to ask her to pay for your lawyer. The judge could level the playing field. My ex asked similarly, but her request was denied since she had funds. If the judge denies your request, then ask him to give u time to find a lawyer. You can also call the ombudsman in that court for your available options. Go to the court website and you will find their number. The court building might also have a family law center that will a…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/18 02:08 AM
3

It never really ends! I think. Year 7 for me. what I am trying to do... "Live in the present"==> I have removed all pics of my past..my kids pics too since I don't get to see them. Old memories are painful! "Try not to be alone" ==> find friends, activities like gym, escorts... "Blocked things that bring negativity"==> blocked all hate mongers on Twitter, social media who talk politics, all feminists. Stopped watching & listening to all hatemongers. "Focussing on work" ==> even if my boss can be…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/18 05:10 PM
1

Since this is a new situation, no amount of advice is going to help at this time unless you start working towards accepting this change in your life. What worked for me was long hours in the gym, spending a lot of time with friends. Time will heal. Though it will be tough, try not to fall into the self pity zone. This time will pass! If you are frustrated about your divorce or you think you got a bad deal, it will manifest when your kids visit you & in your communication with your ex. Try to mov…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/18 02:38 PM
2

The lessons that I have learnt after losing my kids are 1. If you have kids visitation spelled out in your divorce agreement, enforce it. I.e. if it says that u get kids on weekends, u send her a text that u r picking kids up. If she refuses or says that the kids are refusing, go to the local police station with your agreement and ask their help in enforcing it. Don't let any week pass. Your kids will be alienated. If kids are already alienated, try meeting at public places. Take a lot of pictur…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/18 02:17 AM
1

Will research that. Ty.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/18 02:01 AM
1

Ty. You are right. I have started to realize that. I have done the "let go" part primarily because I don't want my 12 yr old daughter to be bothered by child services, counselors & psychiatrists. They are all in this to ferment more trouble and/or make money. Without any evidence, these people have the power to destroy lives. I had written to governor Christie, but got no real help other than a letter.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/18 02:00 AM
1

Thank you all for your help. All this stress has triggered an auto immune disease similar to vasculitis! I am on heavy meds now. But, Joined the gym. Dropped 30 pounds. Doing very well at my job & am keeping myself very busy.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/18 11:03 AM
1

The child services demands kept on increasing. From therapy to psychiatric sessions. I talked to a few people who were in this boat & they advised that if the kids are alienated, none of this will work. Plus my ex wife and my daughter's counselor/doctor suggested to the judge that my 7 yr old be given paxil. And the judge Mara Zazzali Hogan was eager to agree to that. I could not have my daughter on paxil. After trying for a year, I gave up visitation.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/18 03:42 AM
1

Ex wife is a witch. First got me arrested by cops claiming harassment. Using the arrest got a tro. Using these two, convinced child services that I was unstable & dangerous. Kids visitation stopped & child services asked me to join anger management to restore visitation. I was found not guilty of harassment. Tro was also dismissed. But, since visitation had stopped, kids were completely alienated & told whatever their mom asked them to say or write! I did 31 anger management sessions and none we…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/18 03:36 AM
1

If the expense is for your daughter and if you can afford it, I recommend not making it an issue. Just send an email that you want the best for your daughter, but the reasonable costing stuff is equally good for her. Getting a lawyer involved will only make the situation worse. And they charging 300$ an hour is not going to help your expenses! Lawyers also make their clients cocky by saying that you have a right to x/y/z and you could land in messy legal situations. Even if you win, your legal e…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/18 03:28 PM
5

Does your stbx work? If not, there could be alimony involved. If she works but earns less because of earning capability, there could be alimony depending on length of marriage & difference in income (imputed). Since you don't have kids & assets, your questions should be around alimony. For the lawyer, I would explain the financial & personal situation & then ask 1. What is the process? 2. How should I protect myself from any counter claims? Dv, harassment, abuse, rape etc? Based on your experien…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/18 02:16 AM
3

The divorce typically has 3 main things 1. Equitable distribution 2. Alimony 3. Child support. 1 and 2 apply to you. If u brought money/funds into the marriage and have not comingled them, then that money will not be divided! Since your marriage is very short, alimony will not be much/needed depending on both your qualification & income imputation! If needed it might be for a very very short time. If you are sure of the divorce, I recommend moving on it quickly. If u let time pass & have kids & …
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/18 01:53 AM
2

There is a term called custodial parent & non custodial parent. If your kid stays with your ex, she is the custodial parent. I am assuming ur kid's birth certificate lists you as father. If that is the case, you have to pay child support depending on the income discrepancy between you two. You need a lawyer to establish custody arrangement like 50/50. Once that is determined, child support is based on state guidelines. You cannot avoid it. You will be in jail if don't pay child support!
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/18 11:00 AM
1

My kids were completely alienated from me by my ex wife & I haven't seen them for 4.5 years. Every day is tough, but eventually I have learnt to cope. You will too. If you think you need to change some things in yourself, work on it. Wish you all the best.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/18 10:35 AM
1

If she does not work, ur lawyer may have asked for an employability expert to impute an income to her. Exes who don't work are the most dangerous. These parasites never stop sucking ur blood!
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/18 04:01 AM
2

If u go to anger management, don't tell her you are doing that. Stop begging her to come back. She probably has made up her mind. She may file for divorce. Any thing you admit by phone, email or text could be used against you in a divorce. Find a good support group. If ur soon to be ex is not an idiot, your son will grow up fine without you too. Please stop worrying & take care of yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/18 03:58 AM
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