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janetheautomaton Archive

View 9 posts and 518 comments by janetheautomaton on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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-1

Some people have trust issues. Like me. I am an example of a person, a woman, with trust issues. Does that mean I deserve the bad treatment I got? No. Not everything is always gaslighting or victim blaming. People who find themselves going through their partner's phone without their partner's consent may be the victims of their partners' deceptions and lies, but that doesn't mean they can't be honest with themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 10:07 AM
6

INFO: What does your partner think? There's a lot to unpack in the post, but it's mostly from your POV. Have you talked to your partner about any of this? Even just to ask how he's doing and what he thinks of his life? This is not to devalue your struggle or to say "JUST COMMUNICATE." I just wonder if this is the fullest picture possible to have. It would be one thing if he was an obvious LVM, but you go out of your way to describe him as an HVM that you've browbeat into submission (which I thin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 08:46 AM
27

I understand the feeling of wanting to warn your friends, but it's very easy to take a preaching tone if you're not mindful, especially among your peers. You're all probably around a similar age, and the last thing a young adult wants is to be lectured by another young adult. Your their friend, not their mother. Here it's probably better to be the example rather than give one. Show them what HV is by demonstrating and expecting HV behavior without apology or explanation. Don't feel as if you hav…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/21 05:16 AM
84

The unfortunate rule of smear campaigns is that the more you defend yourself, the more effective it is and the more you feed into it. Unless you have immediate, incontrovertible proof that whatever you're being accused of isn't true, it's not worth arguing. Others in this thread have given good advice. Gray rock it out. Disengage as completely as possible and respond to no provocation. Practice a quiet, calm honesty and distance yourself from the gossipmongers. People who choose to believe him o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 02:48 PM
2

Sister, you are thinking this to death. You should not be trying to have any sort of relationship, FWB or otherwise. From your post alone I, an internet stranger, can see that you are too emotionally vulnerable for a FWB to work. Your self-esteem is low and your insecurity is screaming. You need to take some time for yourself. Man, who cares what that guy says or thinks? "If it were any other time but now we'd be together" is such a classic rejection line my eyes are still rolling. It doesn't ma…
/r/askFDS28/04/21 09:11 AM
5

You're overthinking it and reading too much into nothing, in several ways. You clearly don't actually know this man, as you contradict yourself in your own post. He's "really consistent" but he also doesn't answer you or make an effort to reach out? Is the thing he's consistent in his general shittiness? Stop texting him and order in some Chinese. Did you know there's a Law and Order UK?
/r/askFDS28/04/21 08:50 AM
3

If tomorrow a TV camera started following you around to document your life, how would you react? If your lifelong BFF showed up on your doorstep to visit you, what would you be thinking and feeling? If you went to hospital for a month, what do you think he'd do? And when you were ready to come "home" and your parents were dropping you off, would you be okay with them coming in and seeing how you live?
/r/askFDS28/04/21 08:44 AM
25

First, remind her that this is who he really is. Ask her whether she would ever treat someone like that. Ask her what she would say if you came to her and told her this had just happened to you. Does she want a person like that guy in her life, now that she knows the truth? Remind her as many times as she wants to be reminded that this is a blessing, not a tragedy. Second, the only things that really help someone through the first throes of heartbreak are distraction and presence. Find things to…
/r/askFDS28/04/21 08:33 AM
3

I think their point might be that the friend seems to have projected her actions pretty overtly (it's coming through even in OP's post) but OP insisted on seeing the event through (while paying, which she makes a point of mentioning) instead of just doing her own thing. Sort of like seeing very clearly that a man is a fuckboi but going on a date (that you pay for) with him anyway, saying "I'm not looking for a fuckboi!" the whole time. In the actual post, it was the only real indicator of pickme…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 10:33 PM
1

1 and 2. Okay, that fills the narrative out a bit more. Score-keeping isn't about money, its about tracking your "giving" against their "giving" in a manner that results in resentment. In your story there's definitely a sense of "I knew she was unreliable and a flake so I went out of my way to give her all these outs and warnings but she still failed while I came through." I'm not trying to come at you in particular, I think score-keeping is an inevitable result of mismatched prioritization in a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 10:22 PM
17

There's a lot I don't get about this post. How is she a pickme? Why did you miss the meteor shower? It sounds like you guys made the trip...? Honestly this reads like you two are just incompatible. I wasn't there and maybe it's just my perception, but it sounds like a lot of mismatched energy and score-keeping. Probably best it's over.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 02:37 PM
362

He doesn't want your thoughts. He wants your attention. He wants to get to you. He wants to know that he still matters to you, despite you never mattering to him. That's why he's talking like there was a relationship when he obviously knows there wasn't because he's the one who kept it that way. So that his message will pack that much more of an emotional punch. Although, going by the information in your post, it's also possible that this imbecile has you genuinely confused with someone else.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 09:38 AM
30

Imagine advertising your martyr complex like this. "Gosh, I'm so inexperienced with being given thoughtful gifts, look how easy it is to get a big emotional reaction out of me. Why can't everyone be as grateful as I am for the scraps I'm thrown?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 09:02 AM
5

If it helps, remind yourself that that post is bonkers fake. First because it is extremely unlikely that a man (much less a redditor) can get multiple women to cater to him like that, and second because if a man can do that, he's definitely not on incel subreddits.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 03:40 AM
46

The gaslighting is intense because even the most pro-porn men know on some level that they're wrong. If they didn't, they wouldn't be so fiercely defensive or so invested in convincing us we are wrong.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 02:54 AM
160

I'm convinced that a man who does this is a man who never saw women as people, only as objects. There was never going to be a "right woman" for this sort of man, because the only thing that could override his sense of chauvinistic entitlement was the creeping sense of his own obsolescence. God help the woman he marries.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 02:47 AM
16

No. No. Once you're married or cohabitating, your finances will naturally start to combine and two HV people with healthy mindsets will automatically try to keep it equitable relative to actual income. He's already shown you that he can't carry weight. He had seven months and he's still unemployed. Even if we gave it the best interpretation and said maybe the market for his skillset/credentials is bad, that just means that he clearly has some shit to get together and is in no place to be serious…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 05:00 AM
10

The secret of the post-breakup glow up is that if you do it right, your motivations will have done a 180 by the end. Somewhere along the line you start feeling so good on yourself that the ex naturally fades into the background. Your hopeless love will water down into vague annoyance, and if the ex does show up you're just embarrassed that you once dated a man who wears loafers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 09:03 AM
18

I just want to tell you that there's nothing wrong with that dream. Of course we want love and romantic fulfillment. It's natural. The trouble a lot of people fall into is that they make romantic love their only dream, and/or compromise their principles, standards, and needs to attain it. Fixating on a person to the point where you'll accept any abuse or degrading treatment to keep them is not loving them more than you love yourself, it's valuing the dream more than you value yourself. It's bein…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 08:54 AM
48

Next time just block him. They message because they want the response, the attention. For them, the worst thing is to be ignored.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 08:44 AM
12

All of it. At once. There's no preset order to life and no law saying either/or. Throw it all at the wall and see what sticks. Keep your friends-only Tinder profile. Maintain a Bumble BFF one too, just in case. Get yourself another reddit account and start posting in local subreddits. Join Meetup and find a few to go to. Check your local community center for events/groups. Start volunteering with the nonprofits/orgs in your area. Take a class. Join a sports group/league. Start a dog-walking serv…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 09:11 AM
20

They expect that you, an NPC in their world, will be totally fine being a free, no-strings-attached distraction for them while they get over their latest feeling of failure and inadequacy by inflicting them on you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 08:57 AM
2

The other side to this is that in all probability you will come to regret whatever it is you said. Whether it was pathetic or mean or just not as clever as it first seemed, there will come a day when you look back and blush. I know there's some fraction of women responding to LVM who get to deliver some psychological devastation, but let's be honest, that is nowhere near the majority of us. Most of us are just going to remember that dumb shit we furiously texted at 2 am one night after not sleep…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 08:53 AM
8

lol Posts and messages like that are trash. Just men stroking themselves through the medium of you, Dear Reader. It boggles the mind that anyone would take such transparent attention-seeking seriously, or reward it with attention/praise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 08:31 AM
10

So when do we get your new paper on your firsthand observations of the phenomenon purgamentum init exit purgamentum?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 11:44 AM
31

This is the way. Drawing up some arbitrary list of "wife vs. girlfriend" benefits sounds like a Cosmo article.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/21 11:35 PM
89

I don't know, sis. I understand your stated intention, but I'm not on FDS to raise men or to praise them for doing the minimum. This is a women-only sub. Must we allow men to still find ways to get attention from us in our safe spaces? It also seems like jumping the gun to label a man HVM or even "aspiring" HVM based on one message.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 10:54 PM
96

/u/jayda92 is right. Talking to him even one more time for any reason is a mistake. You'd only be giving him another stage for him to perform for himself. Translation: you can't trust anything I say You already know this, so what would even be the point? just share that this behavior is completely unacceptable and he needs to works on his shit before the next girl who's in for this - gotta look out for our sisters But you're not looking out for our sisters. Lecturing this guy on how badly he's b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 02:45 PM
33

How do I know if this is real You don't. That's why FDS advises against moving fast. Nothing will help you know a person but time and experience, and even those aren't always reliable. Do I just continue under the assumption that it's real You're your own woman and can do whatever you want. But I think you wouldn't be on here asking these questions if you didn't already know you were moving down a dangerous path.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/21 02:11 PM
2

Can someone get into my head why good/ fun times are not worth being with a person who doesn’t respect with you? Especially when you feel like most days these good times are only possible when you’re with them? I don't know you, but reading this immediately convinced me that you have low self-esteem. When you ask why good/fun times are not worth putting up with disrespect/lack of respect, what are you valuing here? The good time? Because a person can be the most fun in the world (which I doubt y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 06:41 AM
1

If you have to teach him how to date you, it's already no good. Begin as you mean to continue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 06:24 AM
2

Do they know anyone in your life? Is your SO obviously partitioning you off from their life, or does it just not come up? Do they act shady when you ask direct questions?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 06:20 AM
2

There's just not a lot of information in this post. Whose room was it first? Did you both move in at the same time? Was there an initial conversation on how to share what is obviously a small space? Does the partition fairly divide the room? Does it obstruct her from having access/using any part of the room that should be available to her? Did you talk to her before putting it up? I'm not blaming anyone, I just don't know enough about the situation to give advice. My knee jerk response is that y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 06:18 AM
3

It's way too soon for you to be investing even this much into a man. Anyone can do anything for two weeks. Also he's obviously still talking to other people so you should too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 06:13 AM
3

Oh baby no. That man is playing games and to him you are just some NPC who's there only to give him what he wants if he picks the right dialogue. And he's only back because whatever other girl he was chasing said lol no. No forgive, no forget.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 05:58 AM
2

I wouldn't even call him an ex. He's just some man you had the misfortune to briefly know, on terms that were not made clear to you. At most, he was an act of bad faith.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 05:51 AM
4

There's at least one major silver lining to going through an excruciating breakup with a completely toxic person: there's very little room for doubt that you are better off. Just reading through that list of abusive shit that he subjected you to should provide at least a little relief. I know sometimes it's so difficult to get past the attachment and the charismatic (?) front, but the more you focus on his actions, the more the fog will lift. Blessed be, sister. You've finally escaped.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 05:44 AM
6

First. You do not need that man. No woman needs a man. I understand that you might feel alone and desperate right now, but those are just feelings and they will pass. You have parents and a best friend who love and support you no matter where they are, and whenever you start feeling especially bad, try to remind yourself of what they would want for you. Second. It no longer matters what he thought or said. Forget everything he ever told you, because it's nothing now. Just from the two examples y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 05:38 AM
147

I don't know the context, background, or history of your connection to this man...but I bet it's one you don't need.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 04:55 AM
12

Great! Then disregard all previous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 09:45 AM
42

You're overthinking this. First, I can tell you're overinvesting in Yogi Bear because (1) of all the mental real estate you've already given him based on next to nothing and (2) how you're overanalyzing his every move or lack thereof. From what I've read, he's some guy you always thought was hot and whom you met for breakfast one time. Why is anything that he's doing shocking and confusing you? Why is a text from him enough to rock your world*? Second, you are already thirsty af and it is loud a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 09:39 AM
4

Compare how?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 09:03 AM
78

Why see him again at all? You acknowledge that you're still not over him and that you might even be tempted to say something you know you shouldn't. Why subject yourself to this? Is there some pressing reason you need to see and talk to him again tonight, or could you just say "Sorry, something came up, have a good year!" You're not obligated to see or spend time with anyone, least of all an LVM ex who wants to "stay friends" (i.e. keep that foot in the door). I don't know, maybe this is harsh? …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 10:34 AM
197

There are two things I'd like to address. You wanted to have sex, so you did. I get that it went against your rational self, but so what? Being HVW doesn't mean you're immune to having desires and giving in to them sometimes. What are we, chastity on a monument? Was it the smartest, FDSest thing to do? Maybe not. Are you now obligated to shame and beat yourself up for being human? No. You're a woman with physical urges, not a bodhisattva in a lotus flower, and that's okay. Cut yourself a break. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 10:15 AM
83

Oh, honey, listen. A man you have to convince into staying with you is not a man who's really there. I'm not sure what else I can tell you except that I know what you're going through. I've been where you are. I've been that woman who was trying so hard to keep a man who wanted to leave, whose reason for leaving was that one thing I did that was ruining everything. I've been the woman who accepted the responsibility of being the problem in the relationship, who went through so many torturous con…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 07:54 PM
34

I'm going off of limited information here, but judging by your post and your comment it sounds like you're stress spiraling. So when you say you're breaking up, how much of that is what's actually happening? Is it possible that you might be catastrophizing a little? Have the words "I'm breaking up with you" actually come out of anyone's mouth? Big fights are a part of life and most relationships. Good on you for being willing to recognize and own your part in this one, and therapy should really …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 06:28 PM
2

This one got me through some tough times.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 06:49 AM
13

Yes. No. Maybe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 12:43 PM
53

Great post, but just want to throw this out there: Some men won't be over an ex and NEVER SAY SHIT. You'll just find out later through other means, after you've already emotionally invested in that unavailable trashcan. So my advice would be to bring up past relationships at least once, early, and gauge his reaction. This can tell you a lot about a man, though it might take longer if he's made up his mind to lie. You don't have to dwell and you don't have to dig, but at least establish some grou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 03:09 PM
28

Fuck yes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 10:41 AM
41

I had to stop watching. LV behavior aside, everyone was just so...plastic. It was like watching a bunch of knockoff Chinese Barbies shop, drink, and laugh passive aggressively. (And so shrill, my God.) Andrew was unendurable. The whining.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 11:38 AM
157

Your intentions are good, but a lot of these are passive aggressive, rude, or crass. All of them are too explanatory and unnecessary. The most I might say is the first half of #7, but even that is often just an invitation for a man to argue with you. If I really liked the guy (...) I might just ask "Do you usually expect your dates to pay their way?" and listen to/observe his response. That would probably tell me what I need to know. Mostly, I'd probably just smile, pay my half, and then excuse …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 11:29 AM
14

On the one hand, I'm glad things are going well for you, that you're seeing a man who listens to you, and I hope you keep experiencing such good with him. On the other hand, let's not get ahead of ourselves. He did a nice, thoughtful thing, which is a good sign, but I don't know that I'd label this How to High Value.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 04:37 AM
166

I can empathize with the women engaging in over-the-top moaning and screaming because I've done it myself. I had various motives. Sometimes I wanted the man to know I felt good. Sometimes I thought a vocal reaction might turn him on. Sometimes it was even at his request, specifically. Other times, it was because the thing he was doing was hurting me and I wanted it to be over. Or, just as often, because I knew I wasn't going to get off and I wanted to hurry him up. That was not HV behavior. I sh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 04:57 PM
27

Report that shit. Not only is reporting this behavior the professional thing to do, it's also the ethical and moral thing. What would you want to happen if you were in that woman's shoes?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/21 11:12 AM
10

This...is literally an article about a vlogger teaching women how to get men by playing hard to get. Are we calling this HV behavior?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 02:16 PM
5

slides down the bar into the seat beside yours go on
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 02:14 PM
53

My ideal date from home YOU DO THE WORK I want someone who YOU DO THE WORK It would probably be less stressful to just have a baby.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 10:28 AM
3

That one's gotten me a few times 😔
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/21 05:44 AM
120

I'm not young enough for this, somebody explain it to your drunk maiden aunt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 12:51 PM
142

I better kick it into gear if I'm going to be someone's Morticia.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 12:49 PM
4

I think other feelings will always surface, and part of being good friends means being able to get past them in a respectful way. If you're focusing on sexual tension, then yes, that might primarily happen with men - if we're only talking about cishet relationships. Friendships between women have walls and boundaries as well, though they might not as often be sexual in nature. There is a degree of friction and questionable moments in any relationship. Successfully having that relationship, whate…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 11:43 AM
41

I disagree with Oscar Wilde. I do think it's possible for a woman and a straight man to be friends. It's just rare, and always based on a very solid understanding of boundaries and emotional responsibility. I don't consider FWB to be actual friendship anyway, so we're talking about two separate things as far as I'm concerned. There might be women out there that would say they can separate sex and love. That’s only because of either a hormonal imbalance, higher testosterone levels than normal or …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 02:21 AM
80

"I [35M] hate my wife [35F] and would rather jerk off to porn while fantasizing about unattainable, subservient women who worship me and don't make me do anything I don't want to do, like address my porn addiction or care about my wife's needs. Not sure where to go from here."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 01:24 AM
17

I don't want to jump to any conclusions...so there's a silent /s to this, right? Like, we're pointing out what a man-serving, woman-faulting idea this is?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 03:14 PM
9

The Discworld novels. The Witches cycle is, for me, tied for first place with the Watch cycle. Start with Wyrd Sisters, Equal Rites can wait. Anything by Ursula K. Le Guin, honestly, but start with The Birthday of the World and Other Stories if you want some exploration of genders and roles and would rather not commit to a series. Lovecraft Country by Matt Ruff. Lovecraftian horror + Jim Crow racism. If I Had Your Face by Frances Cha. A novel about the toxic culture of beauty in South Korea. Chi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 02:45 PM
7

Social media is all glam. Your classmates probably aren't going to post about the petty fights, money problems, failed exams, etc. No one's life is as shiny as their Instagram. You are doing just fine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 02:23 PM
65

"Please please PLEASE give me attention!!!" p.s. no dtf whats ur snap
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 01:01 PM
9

👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 08:51 AM
11

Did your dude say something?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 08:27 AM
244

The Madonna/whore complex is alive and well, I see.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 07:35 AM
7

Her mistake was going to the roommate. Her bf is the one prioritizing someone else over her. If the interruptions were that constant and ongoing, she should have addressed it once with the bf and then, when he didn't fix it, dropped him and the situation. Let him white knight on his own time. Edit: "undid years of convincing him he's not a burden" Ffs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 07:29 AM
30

From the screenshot alone it's difficult to tell. If it wasn't a date, then yeah, she doesn't owe him anything. If it was, then.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 04:23 PM
164

Three whole jobs and they aren't paying you for one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 04:11 PM
63

Okay, but getting someone's number while on a date with someone else and then telling/bragging about it to the date is...not classy. If a man did that to me I'd never speak to him again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 03:53 PM
237

I like your post and you make very good points. But. If a man who claims to love you and that you want to marry asks you what's the point of getting married, it's over.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 03:47 PM
30

Didn't I see a screenshot/meme of this theme somewhere? "Does this man spark joy?" Marie held the struggling LVM up to the crowd, which booed. "No," she agreed sadly, and dropped him into the pit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 10:02 AM
42

You spoke to my bougie soul. Ladies, don't be Macy's. Be Medea.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 09:54 AM
25

Then the next day he called me to say that I was right, he thought he liked me but he actually didn’t. They can't ever not have the last word. 🙄 Good job listening to yourself, a lot of other women would have broken down and asked for something. It would have dragged on for months.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 07:44 AM
255

A man will weep into your shoulder as he Tinders behind your back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 05:21 AM
2

I just want to reach out and take her hand and tell her that she's better than this. That she deserves more. That she's a unique and beautiful individual who doesn't have to degrade herself to be valued and loved. That anyone who says they value and love her because she does things like this is lying. That whoever told her that this is all she is was a fucking liar.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 05:19 AM
230

This is an example of where HVWing is hard. She established a boundary. He agreed to it and seemingly respected it for several months. Now, suddenly, he's not okay with it and going back on his word. A HVW would walk away. She would not argue, she would not try to convince, she would just warn and walk. Because she laid down her terms months ago, and he was okay with it then when there were things (sex and access) he prioritized above his porn addiction. Now his priorities have changed, because …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 05:01 AM
147

The whole thing reads as satire to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 11:11 AM
140

That ??????? feeling is you reacting to cognitive dissonance. On the one hand, here is someone telling you what you want to hear, all the "right things," and reassuring you that everything is fine and as it should be. On the other hand, here is your brain subconsciously logging all the little discrepancies, mismatched words and actions, deception cues, etc., and trying to alert you that something is wrong. The ??????? feeling is the friction you're experiencing between those two modes. The Gift …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 07:44 AM
2

Ugh, so satisfying. I love the follow-through.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 03:40 PM
5

It's been fifteen hours. If she took everyone's advice and ghosted, I bet he's reached out by now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 03:39 PM
24

I love it when women FDS scientifically.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 03:33 PM
4

Did he manage to say more before you blocked/deleted?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 03:30 PM
5

Not necessarily the rule, though. 30 is not old, and it's okay to be figuring yourself out at any age. There's no magic number.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 07:01 AM
112

Guys, there are literally stairs just over there. These are deluded traitors who are basically LARPing their MAGA commando fantasies. It goes beyond LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 06:11 AM
38

Good job! I hope to follow in your footsteps!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 07:22 PM
5

Tears of blood fr, he was such a good Superman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 07:05 PM
4

Agreeing with the others, let's not make posts shitting on other women. Like that is some hateful talk there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 06:57 PM
11

That was just image control. Even his buddies thought that was a trash move and he was mitigating their disapproval.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 06:52 PM
25

Who are you, Dorothy Parker?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 06:49 PM
5

Listen, I don't want to be all #NotAllMilitaryMen, but...this guy was just a disgusting asshole. The uniform doesn't come into it. He's just gross. I promise his fellow servicemembers think so too. Especially if he's barking at his subordinates over the phone, then we definitely think he's a giant tool.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 06:46 PM
53

I don't know how women can think that, this happens all the time. Men are fine living off a woman while they're law/med/etc. students, but the second they start making that money they dump the poor woman who put them there and start dating "on their level." I honestly think that if you're a financially secure and successful woman seeing a broke guy new in tech or finance and they're talking about that startup/new job at a big name brokerage, that's a red flag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 06:39 PM
42

At best, he's picturing the two of you sitting on that comfy couch while he regales you with his insights before you gratefully pay your sex tax. On a side note, I think hummus is never as good as you expect it to be. I'll even risk public censure and propose that hummus is for people too pretentious for dip.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 06:32 PM
40

And they did that for centuries. For millennia. For as long as there have been people, women have been commodified, bred, subjugated, bought, and sold. Now, for the first time in history, the majority of women are free, for some value of free. Women are starting to have rights. Women are starting to have power. So of course you get incels. Of course you get libfems. Of course you get porn, in all its forms. There is always a counteraction when the oppressed start to rise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 06:25 PM
5

I agree with your assessment that OP doesn't seem ready to date. She should reread the handbook and focus on herself for a while.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 05:44 PM
146

I never noticed how big your breasts are what size are they? I'm trying to imagine how a man would make a segue this disgusting in any sort of natural or seemingly acceptable way and I've got nothing. Men giving other men advice on how to take advantage of a vulnerable girl. But women just need to chill.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 05:15 PM
34

I wish people would stop quoting from this show. As soon as it became clear that the main girl was going to do what she did, I stopped watching it, but all the usual romance pickme tropes were obvious even before then. I guess I was hoping the show wouldn't do what I knew it was going to do, which is a feeling that's giving me flashbacks. The minor feminist dialogues were all just misdirection for the main pickme messages. Heal that damaged man with your love! Don't believe what he's telling you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 05:11 PM
-11

Sure. And I don't know exactly how she expressed her disappointment, but the way he ghosted her without a response is what's telling. Also that he was sending her paragraphs on how wonderful she was and how he wanted a relationship. They're talking for hours at a time (about himself, btw), he's that into her, but her canceling once because of anxiety and then being disappointed he's unavailable is enough to drive him off? Anyway, he doesn't sound like much of a loss. Edit: Also, I didn't say it …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 04:48 PM
12

Oh man, I'm sorry you had to experience all these. At least you didn't have to agonize over whether to keep seeing them?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 04:42 PM
-8

She canceled once because of anxiety. And then all she did was express disappointment because he wouldn't hang that weekend because he was "working on his book" (ugh, so much shit in that sentence alone). Clearly, Greg wasn't that interested and all his I'm so into you shit was just that, shit. He created the expectation that he was super into her and willing to accommodate her in any way and then, when it came time to actually do it, bailed out. I hope you're not Greg anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 04:31 PM
14

I'd decided I think we should hang out I hope this is just the wording here. We don't hang out with men we're considering romantically. It's a date or nothing. he responded that he promised himself he'd finish his book Look, fair enough, we are grown-ups and we have shit to do. But it's always a bad sign when a man won't make time in an easily rearranged schedule. Especially on something that doesn't have an actual deadline (he's "trying" to get a book published, one that isn't even finished). H…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 04:27 PM
95

I guarantee there was a point, probably early on, where the girlfriend picked up a check, thinking This is fine, it's only fair, and then it was just a steady and natural slide to this. Never carry a man, sisters. They don't know shame.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 04:14 PM
32

Girl, don't engage. And don't post, you're just feeding their ego and thirst for attention. Just ignore and forget them, you've got better things to do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 11:47 AM
17

Sussing a man's opinion on women serving in the military has cut all sorts of sexists out of my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 11:45 AM
9

Delete him. DELETE HIM. This is it, your new beginning! Leave all the things that weren't worthy of you in 2020 and move forward into 2021! This is our year! You queen, you are doing so great! 👑 Happy New Year!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 11:20 AM
22

No judgement, because I did it too, but I've learned that if we meet a man and find out he has drug-related problems that he's doing nothing to fix, the universe gift-wrapped us an answer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 11:02 AM
13

My Zojirushi has brought me more joy and comfort than any man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 10:38 AM
36

You notice how when men complain about the MIL it's usually because she's being annoying/harassing, but when a woman complains about the MIL it's more often than not STRAIGHT TERRORISM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 10:17 AM
13

I don't know. There's something about this line of thinking that I just don't buy, and I have my doubts on whether this makes a man HV. I think a man can know very quickly whether he wants to date you with serious intentions, but that you're "the one?" It takes time and experiences to truly know a person (or else why would we vet), and even seemingly HV men are fully capable of "oneing" a woman, marrying her, having children with her, celebrating a tenth anniversary with her, and then leaving he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 11:37 PM
15

Congratulations on the huge level-up! And on the house, too! QUEEN MOVES.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 03:49 PM
20

How dare you come up with such a good bon mot!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 02:58 PM
10

I'd buy the drink, drink it at my leisure, order nothing else, and suddenly have somewhere else to be. Edit: But also this might be a good reason to either not drink right away or at least start with something small...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 02:22 PM
42

I actually don't agree with the article you posted or your (apparently) reasoning, but I do agree with your thesis. In fact, I'll do you one further. A man who watches porn is, at minimum, participating in the at least passive evil of benefiting from the exploitative and harmful commodification of human beings. He trash.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 05:28 AM
27

Lights are on, volume's up, the man is screaming hysterically at a fucking video game. While there is someone else in the room trying to sleep because it's the fucking bedroom. Guys, this isn't about being a gamer. This is about being an inconsiderate asshole.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 04:24 AM
23

Yeah, girl, if you've got that kind of time how about you do something to impress your self/mom/best friend/boss/professor/trainer/literally anyone but some man?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 04:08 AM
5

You must be a lieutenant because you seem to have wandered off course. Kidding. But your instincts are right, the stop-by lunch is not a date. Stop-by lunch is something an established couple does if times and locations happen to line up. Do not allow the stop-by lunch to replace anything else of substance. I think u/DarwinsLittleBird has the right idea. This isn't necessarily a red flag or LVM behavior, he might just be in problem-solving mode. Don't set the precedence and keep an eye on it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 04:03 AM
60

It's just so fucking hard sometimes. And I'm tired.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 06:04 PM
77

We need to legalize prostitution so we can empower all these sluts!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 03:49 PM
117

bad back can't cut his toenails itchy leg hmm, sounds like these men are hitting quite a lot of walls Meanwhile, she won't wear drugstore lipstick, I love it ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 12:06 PM
179

At his large, palid gut jiggling and heaving as he expressed his (self) victimization. The hairless chest with each nipple ringed in coarse black hair at least as long as the penis he was so insecure about. The large moles that drew attention away from heavy purple under eye bags on a face who's pores hadn't been properly cleansed since 1993. His large, sagging, furry scrotum that hung nearly a foot lower than it had in his prime. I listened to the high, whiny, lispy voice that was inventorying …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 11:58 AM
37

A pickme would keep entertaining him, do Netflix and Chill, and then tell all her friends about all the issues that are arising in their relationship. Could you not use shameful periods of my life as examples in your encouraging messages, please? Thank you. Kidding aside, excellent post. I'd like to add that the women who embrace FDS are already proving themselves to be strong women capable of having self-esteem and self-love, since even to get to this point they had to admit something was wrong…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 11:47 AM
113

You know, I said that "it must be exhausting" like I was some third-party observer, but I used to audition too. I tried so hard to be whatever a man said he was looking for, in the hope that he would stay with me. My abandonment issues were off the charts. I had so little respect or love for myself that I saw it as a form of self-improvement. I'm so relieved that your friend and I both made it out of that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 11:38 AM
121

Never letting a man get a negative reaction out of you is right. If you even tear up or get a little heated, you've already lost ground to whatever man you're conflicting with and they immediately start feeling like they've won because you're just a hysterical, whiny female. Meanwhile, they can raise their voices and call you names and they're just being assertive. But you can't be a pickme doormat either or you'll spend your career getting walked on. So, unless they're unusually blessed with ch…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 11:35 AM
312

It must be exhausting to be auditioning like that all the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 11:27 AM
148

Imagine cleaning up after a group of men. Oh, wait, I'm in IT.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 11:25 AM
16

most pickmes have some sort of unresolved emotional issues awkwardmonkeypuppet.jpg
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 11:22 AM
26

I said "ok I'll treat you how I treated him, see you in 8 years" and hung up. I'm about to fly to another country to marry you because that was AWESOME. 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 11:17 AM
21

This is the way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 04:13 AM
32

Let's just go back to stop motion animation and watch the heartwarming story of a young reindeer overcoming bullying and ostracism by turning his physical disability into a special power that helps his classist embodiment of moral judgement slave-owner cover up a shortfall of planning and emergency equipment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 04:01 AM
82

You are right, and that did occur to me even at the time, which is why I never seriously considered just going to the house. I remember being outraged and appalled that he expected I'd just do that. Only I'd just driven hours to see a man I'd met on Tinder, so I see how he could have thought I was stupid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 03:35 AM
236

Confession: I did this once. I told myself I didn't mind because it was a part of the state that I hadn't seen before and there was a city and beach I decided to visit while I was there. Still, the bottom line is that I drove hours to see a man I'd been talking to for, like, a day. Only when I got there, it turned out he didn't want to meet me anywhere, he wanted me to go his friend's house in some sus neighborhood. I was like lol nope. How about you come out and at least meet me for a coffee be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 03:28 AM
7

Document everything and take it to the police. Explain your concern and see if you can get a restraining order. Even if you can't get the restraining order, it's time to start establishing a paper trail. Invest in better locks and a home security system if you can afford it. Even just a couple of cams on doors and windows would be better than nothing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 03:13 AM
14

he told me that clearly I was just looking for a lesser-credentialed therapist (mine had a LCSW credential) because I wanted to manipulate her The first time I read this, I thought the therapist was telling you that you were clearly just looking for a lesser-credentialed therapist and was like, "What? What? What?" I'm glad he's an ex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 03:09 AM
119

On a side note, people with pets should immediately start saving fuck you money for those pets. I've seen too many stories where women don't want to leave a situation because they don't know what to do with their dogs/cats/emus. I love animals and I don't want to seem unfeeling, but if you find yourself resisting leaving an abusive or dangerous situation because you can't figure out what to do with your pets, you have been irresponsible. A woman should always have that fuck you money, and her li…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 03:05 AM
25

to sort of send me a message he's too chickenshit to say directly to me Sooo, no need to meet with or tell him anything then. If you must, you can just text "It's not working, bye" and move on. The fact that she's thinking the above means that she already knows what's happening, she's just clinging to hope. If she's close to the kids that's unfortunate, but he's being a shit and any time you spend trying to tell a man who knows he's being a shit that he's being a shit is too much time you've spe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 02:55 AM
142

Someone explain to me how this isn't a crime.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 02:49 AM
37

According to the frustrated women in my inbox, there’s no point in casual sex until we figure out a way to teach men how do it with consideration. I ain't teaching men shit. I figured out good sex, they can figure out good sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 01:07 AM
6

I've almost never felt as bad for a character as I felt for the Buffybot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 12:59 AM
19

I've got my lighter and my besom, WHERE ARE WE MEETING.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 12:58 AM
4

Post a pic pls, I want a toolkit too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 12:56 AM
96

I can't fucking wait to be the neighborhood witch, living in a Queen Anne (Boleyn) with sixty-six cats and my restored Chevelle, baking challah and Instagramming my newest Paris Texas boots. Every now and then I'll fuck off to Kyrgyzstan or New Zealand for hiking and shamanic circles and anti-trafficking activism. You guys can come over for margaritas if you want.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 12:48 AM
50

he loves me and he is not going to hurt me ever again God, remember being that young?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 12:39 AM
11

Right?! God I was so sad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 01:35 PM
213

This isn't even a gender thing. A HV person who loves and cares about someone will very naturally begin engaging in demonstrations of affection and acts of service. Whether that's texting, offering help, extending invitations, or whatever, and these demonstrations and acts will scale upward along with the stage of the relationship. This has an evolutionary basis and is a big part of what makes us human. The majority of women already bring this to the table. Like it or not, we have been condition…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 10:38 AM
133

It's like negging downloaded Tinder. I would never say a woman was asking for it, but if you swipe right on this guy you are certainly leaving a door open.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 09:30 AM
26

Beast was hotter. CMV.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 06:25 AM
75

Hey, I don't just care about looks and money. I care about height too. Someone's got to reach the top shelf.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 06:23 AM
64

Seems like one of two things to me. Scarcity mindset. Deep down, she's afraid that she'll never find anyone else that makes her feel even as good as this. Closely related to fixation, which is where a woman's decided that it must be this man, right now, for reasons unclear. Trauma bond. Doesn't necessarily involve abuse; she's addicted to the euphoric highs and wretched lows. This isn't a relationship, it's a delusion. And it's going to hurt like fuck when he breaks it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 04:34 AM
95

Uh, he's cheating. Or he's trying to. At this point she's just financing his abuse and adultery. I can't even. Consult a lawyer, ask for a referral to a forensic accountant (if assets allow), and gtfo of that marriage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 12:58 AM
18

My favorite part of this movie was where the white male protagonist had to spend two whole days of his life going back to his poverty-stricken hometown to deal with his terrible family while all the women in his life sacrificed themselves on the altar of his salvation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 12:38 AM
37

Here's the rub: Since I am not opposed to dating someone more financially secure than I am, I am also not completely opposed to dating someone less financially secure than I am. But he's got about ten minutes to show me that he has a plan to fix himself, because I will never take a man seriously who can't pull his own weight. And if he's just broke with no plans to get not broke, boy bye. It's not the money that we need. It's the assurance that we're not about to pick up a leech. A man who can't…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 11:43 AM
83

The easiest way for fragile masculinity to get validation is by asserting itself over someone "weaker." And currently the easiest targets are women, not only because of the physical differences but because the ingrained misogyny of our society makes bullying women somewhat socially condoned. Bullying men might have consequences. Keep in mind they do this to each other too. A lot of male social interactions are at least partially based on how tall and physically imposing a man is. No matter their…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 11:22 AM
16

FDS: Triflers need not apply. SSDGM, sisters.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 11:02 AM
11

Sometimes, the only winning move is not to play.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 03:18 AM
1

I've heard few better arguments for buying Toyota.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 03:17 AM
3

The things we'll do to see the presidential suite.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 03:14 AM
66

Smiling causes wrinkles. RBF is great for your skin.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 02:58 AM
99

Bang on. That the people who practice poly also feel such a need to disparage monogamy is very telling. Dan Savage is very problematic, but he did say something I misquote often when it comes to poly: "I've been to poly weddings. I've never been to a poly third anniversary party."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 02:57 AM
40

Poly is like communism. I can see how the concept itself could work, but people get involved and then it's just one more excuse to fuck each other.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 02:48 AM
72

First, this is completely normal so don't beat yourself up over it. It's even more normal considering you've not dated much before. Believe me when I say that time and new experiences will help as much as anything. Second, our brains form mental habits as much as physical ones. Think of this as a habit that you will break through discipline and repetition. Have you ever tried the rubber band technique? Wear a rubber band (or some elastic) around your wrist. Whenever you catch yourself imagining …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 02:33 AM
2

What blender did you get? I've been wanting one but am so horribly indecisive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 12:22 AM
3

He was benching her. Or stashing you. Or...putting her on layaway??? Anyway, he sounds like a treat, it's a shame you let such a mensch get away. 😬
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 04:12 PM
28

Sounds like you spent your twenties learning valuable lessons. Which puts you ahead of a lot of people!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 03:58 PM
118

The math ain't mathin. My new battle cry against any man who wants something from me that he hasn't earned.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 03:52 PM
32

This is something I've never understood. If you're mercenary enough to have a married sugar daddy, how tf do you end up broke? Why wouldn't you be stashing cash and jewelry? Did you do it for the trips and restaurants? Did you at least get points out of it??? If I'd ever had a sugar daddy, that mf would have put me through college at minimum.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 03:43 PM
244

And now they're coming at us like we are dumb for not expecting it. Like lying to get sex is normal and just what guys do and why are we mad. They're trying so hard to normalize all the things that harm us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 03:31 PM
252

If you just accept that most men think of women as objects, things start making a lot more sense. I desire ice cream quite often and sometimes even a lot, but I rarely want it enough to walk to the store if I'm not already there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 10:58 AM
46

CHRISTMAS but people are so fucking smart, why have I never made this logic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 06:20 AM
463

Empowerment through sex is not empowerment. It is exploitation with extra steps.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 06:15 AM
61

The saddest thing about this post is that this sort of thinking isn't even uncommon. Men who seem otherwise mentally sound will reveal misogynistic, tremendously stupid beliefs if you wait long enough. Like, you won't even have to ask. Just let them get comfortable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 05:39 AM
22

The obvious aside, I think it's telling that he keeps using the word "intimacy" when he really means "sex." He's so obsessed with only the physical act and doing it to someone that he would rather change laws and cultural mores to facilitate his ability to treat women like sexual objects than, I don't know, be a good partner and have a relationship with a woman. Which would require him to respect women as human beings in the first place. Men who want legalization of prostitution don't see women …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 04:30 AM
27

Anyone have the link? I really want to see the responses.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 04:42 PM
29

Women still only make 80% of what men make, so I guess I'm not surprised that half her paycheck gets him an outfit and a haircut. It's a shame how that man is settling. He should really think about upgrading.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 04:28 PM
51

Ego, ego, ego. Something made him feel sad/un-validated/lonely for a minute so he threw the email out. Alternately, some trace of guilt or conscience made him think of you. People generally know when they're treating you like shit, they just rationalize it or don't care. Then every now and again, some whisper of conscience reminds of them of that time they were an ASSHOLE and they react by reaching out and putting the emotional burden on you. They don't actually feel sorry or like they have to c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 10:32 AM
57

You're not an idiot. You're hurt. It's okay to be hurt. Unfortunately, the only treatment is time and distance. Three months is enough for some people and not for others. There's no shame in it. It's okay to still be hurt. It's okay to still be crying. It's okay to be struggling and it's okay to be having a tough Christmas. The only thing that would not be okay is going backwards. Keep going forward. Block and delete that trash everywhere. Disable your social media if you have to. Change your ph…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 09:29 PM
25

The whole point of gifts is to show someone that we care. That their presence in our lives is valued and appreciated. Monetary value is secondary to effort. My green flags for a gift include obvious knowledge of my likes and dislikes, an understanding of what's important to me, and effort.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 04:26 AM
17

Alien trilogy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 03:05 AM
53

Yes. A man who only treats women well when they have some personal connection or significance to him is a man waiting to show those women who he really is. And you know that day will come.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 02:25 AM
135

Playing one of patriarchy's favorite games, Are We Talking About the Wife or the Dog?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 02:49 PM
4

Koreans also have the term "재수뿡," which you use to describe a man who is good for fuck all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 11:09 AM
6

For once, men are way ahead of us).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 10:59 AM
3

"The cat aggravates my allergies to the point where I can't breathe. The cat has to stay off the bed and sleep somewhere else." "No." "Okay. Get the fuck out. Take the cat." Look, I solved the problem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 10:52 AM
126

That's just a man looking you in the eye and deadass saying "Let me try out your body while you hope your personality grows on me." To that man, you are no better than a car he can't afford. Every day he "tries you out," you are losing value while he decides whether or not the payment plan is for him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 10:39 AM
9

I don't want to look at OF, but what is she doing? What is actually generating the money? I don't think it could just be nudes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 09:59 AM
13

Which they then try to incept into us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 08:28 AM
22

I wouldn't commit to someone after three dates either. But I fully expect to see enthusiastic interest and intent. That's the minimum for me to keep going at any stage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 08:12 AM
22

Nothing is perfect and nothing will ever make you completely safe. Also, just because they ask you to do something doesn't mean you do it. I'm saying that they should be pursuing you always. They should be expressing enthusiastic interest and intent, early and at all times. NONE of that "I don't know, let's see where this goes" shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 07:41 AM
52

If you don't know you want to date me seriously within three dates, I'm out. If you don't know you love me within six months, I'm out. If you're not asking me to move in within a year, I'm out. If you're not asking me to marry you within two years, I'm out. Fuck your "see where it goes." I'm a grown woman with GPS, I know exactly where this fucking goes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 07:28 AM
25

I can't wait to see that movie. I may cry and/or throw up, but I will watch it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 07:16 AM
14

I watch Aliens all. the. time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 06:59 AM
23

Anything Studio Ghibli. The Dead Lands series has a strong female protagonist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 06:59 AM
16

You are right that each situation is different. So let's put it this way: It's all risk analysis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 12:40 PM
1494

"Just give me what I want and we'll see if it works out for you."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 12:11 PM
133

I've never understood this. The last thing I want is someone watching over my shoulder while I game.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 11:54 AM
27

No, but there's at least some legal entitlement to an equal share of property and assets, at least those acquired after the marriage, whether or not your name is on a thing. And by the time you marry a man, you should at least somewhat know his character. There are no guarantees in life and nothing will ever make you "safe." You just have to hedge your bets. Also, if you follow the FDS method, it looks to me like you generally don't marry a man for at least a year but split if he doesn't propose…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 10:57 AM
93

This is why you: Don't move in with a man until you're married. If you must move in with a man, then ensure that you can move out THE SECOND you break up. Always have that fuck you money.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 08:08 AM
22

Men should just chill with the mental gymnastics, because I've got the time-saving one-liner for them: "I am going to do whatever I want for any reason I can contrive regardless of the consequences." There. Now men can just post this to their FB or Insta and give all the people they're torturing with their "logic" and "reasons" a rest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 08:05 AM
89

How could I pass up an opportunity to be a fleshlight for this prince among men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 07:44 AM
155

(pandemic + realization of mortality - self-awareness)dick = incubatorbangmaid
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 05:46 AM
20

It's her son. She's rationalizing herself into it because she wants that idealized family and for her baby to have a "real" dad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 04:50 AM
7

If they get/got married, it will end in divorce. I fucking guarantee it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 04:48 AM
11

Isn't there a quote going around about how it's a sign of how much society hates women that people want to shit on the parent who stayed? God that was a good quote.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 04:31 AM
11

"she ended up not being better than you" Jesus Christ.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 04:29 AM
10

That's one way to tell a woman that you're a virgin.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 04:14 AM
41

I...actually liked Sex and the City? Mostly because back when it was on, there really just wasn't anything else like it in mainstream media. Despite all the libfem, pickme issues of the show (some of which were obvious to me even at the time), it was still a show about women who just wanted to be happy and all the shit they went through trying to find that happiness. A significant portion of the show was just about how shitty men and the dating scene are, and I think it even contributed to the n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 03:48 AM
13

I think this too. Basically she's just calling him out on his fucked up priorities. You can tell she's hurt, but being exaggeratedly rational to make a point. Seems very ironically logical. I hope after this she blocks and deletes him on everything and doesn't waste any more time on someone so fucked in the head about their relationships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 03:35 AM
14

I felt this way about Codependent No More. I was weeping into the pages as I read it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 03:30 AM
41

It's not what he says. It's what he does. If you want to give him another chance that's your choice to make, but understand that most people don't really change without both desire and sustained effort. Personally, I wouldn't trust anything anyone said within only a week. At most, I'd continue observation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 03:30 AM
28

It's hard af to get over the dissonance sometimes, too. Like you might feel a surge of affection and longing but then immediately remember all the terrible shit they did to you and your brain is like ???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 03:06 AM
103

If I split a check with a man, it's either because it is a totally platonic outing with no romantic potential whatsoever or because I've concluded that I'm never seeing or speaking to him again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 03:03 AM
20

Corollary: No amount of hate can transform gold into shit. A man who gives past traumas or bad experiences as reasons for his shit behavior now was never gold to begin with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 03:00 AM
302

Truth. Women are being groomed into their own exploitation, by men and by other women who have been co-opted into the male agenda. They can no longer make us things by law or by violence, so now they are trying to do it with consent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 11:02 AM
39

I can't help focusing on how it started, with engagement, disengagement, repeat. It looks like platonic/professional lovebombing but the psychological effect was just as devastating as if he'd been romantically pursuing her to start with. Something about his pattern of engagement and withdrawal triggered her into attaching. Like you can see the narcissistic cycle happening as you read the article. And now it's at that place where you know she's a victim, but it's hard to have sympathy because it…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 06:56 AM
9

Sounds like projection. And a poor attempt at manipulating you into degrading sex acts. Try to let it go. I def know this is MUCH easier said than done, but the bottom line is that the LVMs of our past and all their works are but dust behind us. Those words live in your head because they came from someone you cared for, but an objective third party can see it for the garbage it was. So listen to your sisters and remind yourself that he has no power over you. He never did.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 04:44 AM
13

You are SO FABULOUS 👑 Band/Roller derby names I've gotten from FDS so far: The Easy Ps and Pussy on Wheels.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 04:36 AM
17

What's wrong with being sweet and innocent? Those two traits don't necessarily correlate with immaturity. People see what they want to see. Sounds like you've got cover if you ever want to run game.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 04:33 AM
3

I LOVE IT. Let's all pour a glass of schnapps and watch Kinky Boots again!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 04:29 AM
56

Ask him what his RoR is because you don't like bad investments. Alternately, you can ask if it would be expensive to respec him because his current build is trash. Edit: BLOCK HIM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 04:27 AM
7

holtyaasqueen.gif I suggest marking this milestone somehow. A lot of people on the sub seem to like buying rings from Etsy. Or how about a piece of art? Flowers, maybe? Can I interest you in an exorcism?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 04:18 AM
12

I am not about managing men, mentally or emotionally. I interpret the dumb fox credo as maintaining a closemouthed disengagement while giving him plenty of openings to show himself LV or HV. You're controlling for man's propensity to lie without having to have his buy-in. It boils down to She doesn’t spell out where she’s coming from. She’s prepared to walk away, if the terms aren’t favorable to her. I guess the socks example is from Why Men Love Bitches? I'll be honest, I don't like that book. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 04:13 AM
16

Let's make 2021 the year you decide that you are enough!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 04:06 AM
48

then ghosts her from prison I mean, if you have to get ghosted...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 04:04 AM
8

Did he really threaten you to keep you from telling his SO about his adultery? In writing?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 12:21 AM
29

Immediate breakup. You not only wake me, you're telling me to get on top? GET OUT.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 12:17 AM
51

Men will use women for anything. These days even the "good" men will lapse into occasional sociopathy if you wait and watch long enough. There's something so wrong.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 12:15 AM
10

I'd make an OF called Taking Dicks. Heads would roll.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 12:08 AM
113

"Boys are entitled and lazy, girls are subservient, tee hee." Learning to love your abuse is a coping mechanism. I hope she's okay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 11:59 PM
80

I think this exchange tells you everything you need to know about him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 11:56 PM
28

Probably already had it in mind to do it. Or maybe it's a bribe, like how you hold out something shiny to a toddler so they don't tantrum while you force their shoes on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 11:50 PM
66

Call it politically incorrect, insensitive, or whatever, but the second someone tells me that they cannot be held accountable for anything they do or don't do because they have x issue, I lose 99% of my sympathy and 100% of my interest in continuing to associate with them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 11:48 PM
6

The warehouse worker isn't being called a slut.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 11:42 PM
49

The biggest way FDS has helped me is how it validated all the things that I'd previously thought I was being unreasonable about or blamed myself for. I let men convince me that I was crazy or hormonal instead of understanding that I was just upset because they were treating me badly. The deception and gaslighting were off the charts, and enabled by my "friends." I look back at myself sometimes and think How stupid, but what's stupid about being eaten alive with fear and anxiety because someone y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 11:29 PM
25

I've been there. Looking back, absolutely the thing that hurts me most is how little respect and love I had for myself, to let someone treat me like that. Someone who very clearly didn't care at all about me even as a person, much less as an SO. Don't beat yourself up. Yes, we did something shameful, but it was for what we thought was love and out of fear. There are worse sins.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 11:04 PM
8

I was such a pickme, even back then I knew intellectually that Hemingway was a misogynistic asshole but I still spent GOOD MONEY on that stupid book because I thought Short, direct sentences, even he can read this! In retrospect, it's kind of hilarious that I immediately thought of Hemingway to appeal to an illiterate man child.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 02:07 PM
93

I want to do this. I want to make friends with ambitious, highly intelligent, radical women who are as tired of men's depravity and as focused on their own development as I'm trying to be. I want to go out for drinks and trade peer evaluations and go shopping and get together for working lunches where we strategize our next career moves. I want to be part of a group of women who are somewhere between girlfriends and a coven. ...it's just hard. My field is male-dominated and women are scarce in m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 02:00 PM
210

I used to be that girl who would bring a man soup when he was sick. I'd drive miles out of my way to buy a book because I thought maybe Hemingway and his masculine (barf) prose might appeal to the illiterate mf I was seeing. I would like a man SO MUCH and do SO MUCH for him because my heart was tearing itself to pieces with how much I liked him. No more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 02:00 AM
56

ruin any chance of him ever trying to put thought in But he's not trying now? "it's the thought that counts" MIL is right. Unfortunately for OP. His wife literally handed him a list WITH HYPERLINKS of things she actually wanted. He ignored her specific requests and got her a bunch of expensive shit she didn't ask for. That is the opposite of thoughtful. That is not even thoughtless. That is actively ignoring his wife to do whatever he wants. OP either doesn't understand or is refusing to underst…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 02:05 PM
31

Why Women Are Blamed for Everything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 12:42 PM
153

This is why men push liberal feminism so hard. They're aware that the traditional tools of oppression, to include rape culture, are weakening and becoming more and more socially unacceptable. Men have responded by subverting a feminist movement to benefit men and their agenda, corrupting originally positive ideas like sex positivity into just one more depravity against women. And that's only when they don't resort to blatant misogyny and violence. Men Who Hate Women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 12:39 PM
120

You know how I know men were involved in this trend? Because they took something that could have been beautiful and made it disgusting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 12:13 PM
84

"I find no joy in seeing you. All you say just bores me." POWER MOVE.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 12:09 PM
37

Promote ahead of peers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 12:03 PM
3

"I don't follow no square man's rules, get it!" is now in my signature block.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 03:06 AM
46

The pressure on women to "forgive," "give it a chance," "try harder," and "lower your standards" is insane. Good on you for throwing out the spoiled stuff when you smell it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 02:07 AM
15

You can always Zoom or FaceTime dinner together. That's still a little shady in my opinion, but it's a chance to talk to him, get a look at his living space, see an example of his eating habits, check out how well he presents himself, etc. Personally, if your area is locked down and you're not supposed to go out at all, I'd put dating on hold. I don't advocate doing logistical gymnastics over a man you haven't even met. Also, why is it up to you to come up with ideas? Make it his problem. If he …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 01:57 AM
380

I was JUST feeling a little lonely and feeling sorry for myself and this post reminded me why my answer is still lol nah 😎
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 02:24 PM
80

That poor girl. To dislike herself that much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 01:00 PM
51

Annulment now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 04:29 AM
8

This is some shit you make when you're blackout drunk or in the deepest throes of depression.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 02:21 PM
3

And if that's what it takes to break a habit or a mindset then more power to them. But if someone is already (still?) that self-deluding, I sort of doubt that any number of men is going to be enough to distract them from those tendencies. Still, I more or less agree with you on people using the means necessary to wean themselves off, as long as that's what they're doing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 02:16 PM
20

encouraging them to date around is the best way for them to not get attached It's certainly one way to do it. I think we're just going to disagree on whether it's the "best" way. There's just something too snake eating its own tail to me about using men to keep from being too invested in men. I'd rather encourage women to stop being dependent on men at all. While temporary measures and tactics have their places on anyone's journey, I think ultimately women should date because they want to, not a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 01:46 PM
25

You had shitty friends. If I were your friend and you told me your husband had cheated and was moving out, I'd have been in my car before you even hung up, driving over to help you throw all his shit on the lawn and change the locks. This is true of pre-FDS me as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 07:23 AM
14

If I were her, I'd want him to leave. She doesn't need such man. a child born from filth He's a monster.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 07:12 AM
18

if the men I meet in real life are choosing to only use apps for dating, then they are looking for women they can treat poorly. if you meet men through your real life network, it's a less easy choice for them to treat you like shit because they may actually face consequences with your mutual friends. PREACH.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 04:54 AM
11

Excusing abhorrent behavior because the person is 'otherwise okay' or you get something from them is itself LV behavior. Are you really good with a friendship founded on "Well, there's no one else?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 04:13 AM
129

You don't necessarily have to date multiple guys. The underlying reason FDS encourages you to date non-exclusively at first is that it is a mechanism to keep you from investing too much in any one person. If you can do that some other way, that's also fine. For example, I just don't like juggling men. I'm also super picky so it's rare for me to meet multiple men at once that I'm even interested in seeing. I just don't let any one man take up too much space. I'm busy with a packed schedule, and I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 03:32 AM
34

FB and Insta, I sort of understand. That's how a lot of people keep track of other people these days. I'm also in a field where sometimes it just can't be avoided. TikTok, I haven't made up my mind about. I think it might depend on how one uses it? Like it does have cute knitting videos...that I watch on YouTube... Snap is instacreep.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 03:26 AM
64

Two women would have immediately figured out hygiene, cleaning, cooking, nature walks, and, oh I don't know, done their fucking jobs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 03:22 AM
2

That was a boneheaded move, but can we fangirl Roxane Gay and Samantha Irby for a minute? I bought "Wow, No Thank You" as soon as it came out and recently read "Bad Feminist," they are both phenomenal!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 03:02 AM
3

I love this song. The vibe is just so...victorious. Might want to fix the link, though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 02:25 AM
9

The period of time immediately following a breakup is the worst. It's the worst pain, the worst sleeplessness, the worst loss of appetite. This is when you grieve the hardest. The only thing that really helps me get through it is knowing that it will pass. Someday, eventually, you will not feel this way anymore. You will feel normal again. All of this will just be a memory. You just have to get there. So, for now, do what you have to do to pass the time. For me, that was engulfing myself in medi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 11:31 AM
19

Colin is a babe, I will Firthing fight you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 03:48 AM
83

Sometimes I do all three at once, usually when I'm drunk in the restroom at a bar.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 01:34 PM
85

It's a great book and a great TED Talk. Just don't confuse having the courage to be vulnerable with making yourself a walking target. Brene wants you to be brave and honest in your own best interests, which do not include buying anyone a PS5.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 05:07 PM
44

I just started my period too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 05:02 PM
80

Assert dominance. Cut your hair and start wearing armor. Tell anyone who has the audacity to bring it up that you are a virgin sworn and prepared to oppose fire and sword for your maidenly crown. Experience ecstatic visions of angels. Get yourself a big flag and call for a holy war against the English. Or, you know, put some filters on your social media.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 04:56 PM
26

Personally, I'm taking this time to focus on self-development and self-care. OLD is dismal to begin with and now with the pandemic, it just doesn't seem sensible to be trying anything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 04:29 PM
66

"Well, women have historically been forced to observe the laws men enacted, the gender roles men created, and the liturgy that men wrote. So...they must like it!" Oy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 08:45 AM
23

"not welcome to leave a top-level comment" lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 08:32 AM
35

What I fucking hate about men trying to claim that no one cares about anything related to men is that society has historically been disproportionately (to put it mildly) structured to benefit men and address their problems, needs, and desires. Now, when women are finally in the social, economic, and political position to start addressing women's problems, needs, and desires, men want to turn around and cry victim. They want to be able to say that they're the victims of the systemic oppression th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 05:53 AM
2

I shared a personal opinion. I'm neither telling you that you're wrong nor am I telling you how to spend your time. This seems to be getting combative. I think it's best if I stop commenting on your post.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 04:06 AM
2

I think there's no point in playing "what if" games. Like in the theoretical situation that you pose, the "obvious" answer is probably not, if they're treating you poorly. But that's just me. Someone else might answer differently. Someone else might ask for more data points. It's just an endless loop of okay but what if this other thing. I'm not saying you're wrong. I'm just saying I don't see the point in getting into fruitless arguments on the internet with someone who's clearly already made u…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 03:53 AM
8

Did you guys read the Twitter response, tho? I really love that there's starting to be some public backlash to big age differences. I feel like it's becoming more and more socially unaccepted?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 03:36 AM
2

On the one hand, it seems very improbable that two people can fall authentically in love and know they belong together for the rest of their lives within six months. Statistically, it's just unlikely. On the other hand, I don't see the point in spending too much time arguing over something so subjective. Too much depends on the individuals involved. Like the divorce rate is over 50%, but everyone knows that one Greatest Generation couple that married within three months and stayed happily togeth…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 03:31 AM
9

My new policy is to eat the male when I'm done with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 02:27 AM
8

You are neither the first nor the last to make this mistake. We all do it one or five times. Don't beat yourself up! Your progress is not lost, it is still there. Falling down occasionally doesn't mean that all the distance you've come suddenly means nothing. And you got an expensive bra back, good! Don't pay attention to anything he told you, especially not some sob story designed to excuse his actions and make you feel sorry for him. Like you said, it's all meant to keep his foot in the door, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 02:25 AM
1

Oh God, a military guy did that exact same shit to me. There's got to be some sort of LVM manual.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 03:26 PM
64

On the other hand, I like to remind to remind myself that the existence of one extreme indicates the existence of its opposite...we just don't hear as much about all the HVMs supporting and truly loving their HVWs because happy people aren't usually weeping into the internet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 01:21 PM
251

Then you get the diehards who cry "But you have to have a reason!" Reminder: "I'm not feeling it" is a valid and entire reason. Ultimately, it is the only reason.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 01:11 PM
7

The only thing she's telling anyone is that SHE cheats. And lies, apparently. UNLESS...could this be a fake out, like a parody of a video some LVM might make?! Someone look at her TikTok!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 05:18 AM
26

The general consensus on this post seems to be that it's fake. After taking a look at the OP's posting history, I concur. At least, I hope.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 04:42 AM
20

What do you want to bet that if it was her boyfriend telling other women he loved them, she'd lose her shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 04:39 AM
50

WHY THE FUCK ARE ALL THESE WOMEN STILL TALKING TO THEIR EXES.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 03:31 PM
52

And isn't that just so fucking unattractive, that a man would be so unaware of his own psychological hangups that he'd be susceptible to these obvious triggers? A man who only wants a woman who treats him coldly or doesn't really want him has issues.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 03:28 PM
18

Which is how I knew Archie was a fucking idiot, because Betty was far and away the more HV of the two. Even with her pickme tendencies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 03:19 PM
19

It's the ego. If you leave, or even when he's the one to leave, the egotistical LVM can't help but reach back occasionally to see if he's still got you. It's got nothing to do with missing you or liking you or anything even remotely related to feelings of love or guilt. It's all ego. The LVM just wants to know that he's desired. He uses women for validation and this is one of the ways he does it. You are 100% not the only one who gets those messages, either. Bet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 03:15 PM
23

I had one guy give me his number, pester me to text him, and then, when I did (shame), text me heatedly for approximately twelve hours before suddenly going silent. He was younger than me, too, so I just rolled my eyes and deleted everything. Kids these days.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 03:09 PM
101

We got a house together in January. as I was the one who bought the house I'm torn, on the one hand she's footing the bill (barf) but on the other hand she's only putting shit in her name. I can't tell if she's foolish but lucky or smart but deluded. I don't feel safe around him. What should I do? I'M LEANING IN A DIRECTION.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 06:51 AM
39

Feeling lonely and misunderstood Look, if you would please stop hurting me with the truth, that would be grand. In seriousness, this is probably the worst part. I still haven't quite got the knack of being alone rather than lonely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 06:28 AM
14

If your only option for a date is going to a park with a stranger, it is not the time to go on a date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 06:11 AM
13

Some of the most relief I've ever felt was when I read FDS and recognized everything everyone was talking about. All the behaviors that I'd been told were my fault, that I was causing, that I was overreacting to, making a big deal out of, etc. Just the relief of knowing that I wasn't "crazy," that I wasn't always the problem. The anxiety, the blame, the gaslighting, the disrespect, the manipulation, it was all being talked about right here, all being experienced by so many women. Anyone who dism…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 11:25 PM
67

IF you decide to continue making this mistake, be prepared to have information withheld from you and your concerns and values dismissed as unimportant and divisive at his whim. He will lie to you and do his utmost to gaslight you into thinking it's fine because he says it's fine. He wasn't "afraid to tell you." He lied to you. A lie by omission is still a lie. If you want to argue semantics and say that he didn't actively lie, he just withheld, then okay, but it was still an act of deception. If…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 03:16 AM
24

"What do I buy to know less about you?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 02:49 PM
10

The most I might do is respond to the 'joke' with a direct "That isn't funny." Then gauge his reaction. If he immediately apologizes and admits it was dumb, then maybe it was just dumb. If he gets defensive or tries to justify himself or does literally anything but apologize and admit it was dumb, then you know it wasn't really a joke.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 02:48 PM
14

A crush is a crush because it's not real. I'm reading your post and what I'm seeing is someone romanticizing the shit out of a man she doesn't really know. Which, you know, we've all done. But to the armchair psychologist in me, it sounds like there's some level of dissatisfaction in your marriage that you don't want to deal with and which you're sublimating into a crush on an unavailable guy. Which, you know, we've all done. Sorry, but I've heard this plot line before. Hot, perfect guy has wish…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 02:45 PM
16

There are exceptions to every rule. Just don't go expecting to be that exception. No one who goes looking to be the statistical anomaly is ever the statistical anomaly. Aaand you just illustrated why your friend is probably not an exception either. Are you really envious of that?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 02:35 PM
16

Hate is a legitimate feeling. You are allowed to hate someone or something that's harmed you. You also don't have to get over anything right away. I understand the feeling of wanting to be over something RIGHT NOW GOD DAMN IT, but some things take time. That wound will eventually close, but nothing happens overnight. For a long-term solution, I suggest throwing yourself into self-development (work, education, hobbies, etc.) and maybe trying therapy. For a short-term solution, I suggest working o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 02:32 PM
10

Don't even get me started on the backlash that women face for exhibiting 'traditionally masculine' (barf) traits. The more selfish, irresponsible, insecure, and avoidant men become, the more they want to shame you for being 'harsh,' 'aggressive,' 'overreaching,' and 'bitchy'. God forbid you're accomplished ('full of yourself') in the bargain.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 02:27 PM
3

Have you tried Meetup? That can be a great way to meet people who like the same hobbies and topics that you do. Look around your community for classes you could take and volunteering opportunities. When you're just starting out, structured socializing can be very helpful for people easing into a scene. Are you into sports at all? Joining a league or any group sport can be a way to keep fit, relieve stress, and socialize at the same time. As for DATING: My gut opinion on this is that this just is…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 02:21 PM
5

'Normal' is a social construct consisting, basically, of the average. Are you really looking for men at the top of the bell curve? This guy gave you a pretty obvious indicator of his values and views. Is this the energy you want in your life?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 12:39 PM
13

Make 2021 the year you try things. Develop new interests and activities. Cultivate relationships. Make connections. Keep a positive attitude but vet ruthlessly for quality. Life is statistics. I guarantee the more people you meet, the higher the chance of you meeting really HV people and the higher the chance that one of them will be the HVM you're looking for.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 12:37 PM
13

Him: [negs] You: [cold, slightly amused look] Mediocre. [walks away]
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 12:33 PM
11

I mean, I don't see what other option is really reasonable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 12:28 PM
10

You know you need to break up. But I am telling you: If you leave it too long, either you won't break up with him or HE will break up with YOU. He is clearly getting ready to. Just lay the groundwork. Cancel him meeting your family next week immediately. If you have commingled finances, separate them. Seriously look for a way to leave the living situation, whether that's moving in with family or finding a job, etc. If he's not an idiot, he'll see what's up. At that point, he will either make an …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 12:27 PM
21

I'm so proud of you! ♥️ In the moment of the breakup, it's so easy to just blurt something that you'll only regret later...but you're calm, cool, and in control. I'm picturing you in Audrey Hepburn gloves with a cocktail in hand, "Oh very well, darling, if that's what you want. Now shoo, I've an engagement and I must put my face on."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 12:05 PM
20

The only man I'm grateful for is my father, the HVest of HVM. Everyone else can get the fuck out of my house. AND LEAVE A TIP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 11:58 AM
36

Power and control. Men will say and do anything to maintain their power and control over women. "The wall" and "unfuckable" are just examples of psychosocial tactics men use to devalue women into obeisance. It's also projection. The most vitriolic incels screaming about "unfuckable women" are some of the most unfuckable people alive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 08:07 AM
29

Girl, listen. What an opportunity! You broke up FIRST with an asshole who turned out to be a lying, cheating pile of garbage! That's so great! You've shed a dead weight that was holding you back from being happy and living your best life and, eventually, meeting someone who truly deserves your love and devotion! Congratulations! You're in a new country! And now that you're no longer shackled to a LYING CHEATER, you can experience this new country in any way you want (pandemic allowing). You can …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 07:58 AM
31

And absolutely no one is surprised.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 12:06 PM
107

"It totally empowers you to show me your tits!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 12:04 PM
61

There's probably a cave painting somewhere of a stick figure drinking and smoke signalling younger stick figures while another stick figure carries a tiny stick baby while it hunts animals, gathers plants, fights off predators, and keeps the cave clean.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 12:00 PM
15

Everything about this is gross, except for the tiny part that is super fucking funny to the camouflage kool-aid soaked remains of my soul.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 09:50 AM
3

It feels perverse, because I don't want to use another woman's pain to comfort myself, but when I start feeling especially down about the LVM-in-HVM's-clothing who was absurdly awful to me, I think of Rihanna. Like, she is the star in my night sky, and she went through it too. It just...helps. Because she not only survived, she flourished. Maybe I can do that too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 01:55 PM
2

I've got a little judgement. That first girl's eye makeup was lit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 01:49 PM
3

Man: My ex-wife cheated on me. Woman: Well, I would never cheat. Man: How can you know that? Woman: Would you fuck a cat, motherfucker? No? HOW CAN YOU KNOW?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 01:45 PM
169

I don't know, girl, she looks like she's having a good time to me. I bet she's not even on a date, she's just watching The Crown.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 01:26 PM
7

Even if I could be persuaded to date this man (and I've been known to make poor choices), this paragraph would just guarantee that I only ever texted back at exactly 23 hours and 59 minutes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 01:23 PM
96

Here is the tough truth: Time. Lots of men can fake convincingly in the short-term, and if they can't, well, obvious shit is obvious. But there's a reason why people on this sub keep reminding everyone that the only way to establish an HVM as an HVM is if he demonstrates HV qualities over a significant period of time. We're talking years. The good news is that love bombing and future faking tends to fall in the obvious shit category. In my experience, it's unusual for men to carry on with that t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 02:43 PM
201

Jesus God. "I am a man, so it's your job to make me feel like one! Treat me like a big, powerful alpha male, but also pursue me, pay for me, feed me, clean after me, clean me, carry my baggage, manage my feelings, and cater to me in every way. I bought you a Starbucks once so why aren't you sucking my dick. Also it's your fault my dick is hard because I am a man and this big dick makes me feel like a big man and if you don't help me feel like a big, big man by getting on it it's your fault I had…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 10:38 AM
14

"Juggling men" isn't some requirement. If dating multiple men is making you uncomfortable to the point that you feel you can't be natural and truthful, maybe you should reconsider this approach. Meanwhile, honesty is the best policy. It's possible to simply say things like "I'm out right now, let's talk later" or "I like you, but I'm not dating anyone exclusively right now. I want to take things slow and see how well-matched I am with a person before I make decisions." If hearing that you're not…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 05:25 AM
102

[Waiter brings the check.] Man: Equality, amirite? [Woman is the first to play on a historically all-male sports team.] Man: THAT'S A MAN'S SPORT, BITCH GET BACK IN THE KITCHEN.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 02:52 PM
137

Girl, no one's in this subreddit because they got it right the first time. Or even the fifth time. YOU DID GOOD. You learned from your past experiences, recognized the bad, and, most importantly, EXECUTED.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 02:45 PM
10

Girl, same. I was so in love with him, and he treated me like garbage. I still feel sick inside when I remember how painful and humiliating it was. We shouldn't be furious with the woman for being "dumb." We should be furious with the LVM who's taking advantage of that woman's feelings to be evil to her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 12:41 PM
47

You might feel better in general if you can let go of this toxic zero sum value game you seem to be playing with other women. First, as others have covered, one set of traits and characteristics are not inherently superior to another. You having an amazing dream job (that you don't reveal) doesn't make you a better person or more worthy of love than a woman who works as a bartender. Who are you to say she's not living her best life? In the same way, not having tattoos doesn't make you better tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/20 08:48 AM
13

Have you ever seen crabs in a bucket? Because that's exactly what you just described. A lot of people can't see someone with high standards and not try to drag them down. You're absolutely right that it's insecurity driving this behavior. Like why should you be any happier or more fulfilled than they are? Why do you have to be an example of HV behavior right in their faces??? I don't know what triggered it, but it sounds like they're showing you who they are. Don't let it get you down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 02:36 PM
7

Unfortunately I can't put him all the way out due to circumstances, but I've been so distant and cold, despite how kind and good he's been to me. He probably thinks I dislike him and I want to keep it that way. If I have to suffer these feelings, I'll at least do it in silence. I hate hate HATE running, but I'm going to try this because it's not like I've got any better ideas. I'm also spending money left and right, but it just leaves me feeling empty and financially irresponsible. I think I'll …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 02:30 PM
10

Saints alive, I hate having feelings for someone I can't have. It's so goddamn demoralizing. I'm trying to stay focused on myself and recognize that these feelings aren't real or really about anything but my own low self-esteem and loneliness, but oh my God, everything sucks and I'm just so over life right now. I just need something to break my way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 02:05 PM
6

I'm in the same boat. Everybody's married or coupled up and apparently I'm just too depressing to look at. Let's be spinsters together!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 01:56 PM
5

How men treat the people vulnerable to them is the truth of who they are. Your male friends being "good" to you is the facade. Also consider that your main point in being friends with these men is apparently how useful they are to you. Not that you value them as human beings and as positive influences in your life. Is that the sort of friendship you want to maintain?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 01:52 PM
36

I'm at the point where if I could just stop liking men at all that would be lovely, please and thank you. The most hateful part of all this is that the person in question is just...so great. They've been nothing but kind and considerate to me, even when I wasn't being kind or considerate to them. They're so personable and smart and good and (it's not fair) even attractive. On the surface, it's all HV. I haven't seen even an indication of LV qualities. (Again, all surface! I don't really know thi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 10:52 AM
20

YES GIRL ME TOO Let's go shopping and then brush on some body lava and go dancing in our killer new shoes! What brand of jeans are you getting?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 10:39 AM
75

Chasing, investing too much, pushing too hard. It all seems to come down to the woman valuing the man/relationship more than she values herself. Which I did for a really long time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 10:03 AM
12

I should post more on FLS. I don't even want to date right now anyway. Oh shit, your post is speaking to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 09:59 AM
10

Some people can't be deleted or avoided because of circumstances. I may not like it, but I have to live with it. If you look at my post history, you'll see that I'm an advocate of the big delete. If I could, I would. But staying in control of myself, maintaining distance, and putting myself first are all things I can do. And I'm doing it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 09:56 AM
28

I think that's what I'm doing. For once. :D Maybe I should have flaired this as a mindshift.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 09:54 AM
21

What's confusing? I'm saying that in the past I might have entertained hopes (delusions) and chased this person I know is not right for me. Now I'm not. I have these feelings, which I can't help, but I'm not acting on them because I know they're not based in anything good or real. Which I'd say counts as progress.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 09:51 AM
2

Document, document, document. You say that the guys are already looking for shortcuts and easy grades, make sure you can pull that up later when you need to. Save/archive/download those emails. Log ALL the work you do. I would keep a daily/weekly log or something where you showcase everything you do for this project AND the contributions the others make. If you end up doing a disproportionate amount of the work, that needs to be quantifiable. At the halfway mark, you should have an idea of how t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 09:46 AM
4

Please take steps to protect your grade when those guys inevitably fuck up the project/leave all the work for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 01:46 PM
13

Just...hold out. Hold out for a good guy that you can make fond memories with. You are underestimating how fucking dismal casual sex can be. The most likely outcome is that at best you're underwhelmed, at worst you feel used and degraded. It doesn't have to happen with the love of your life or even a long term relationship. Just hold out for someone you know better and that you trust to not turn into an absolute shit afterward. I'd also like to point out that if it's your first time, you...proba…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 01:39 PM
17

Happy Birthday! Let's celebrate by ghosting the shit out of him! :D It's a whole new year of your life! Don't take some trash like him into it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 01:31 PM
13

Just block and delete. You're only torturing yourself and, let's not kid ourselves, holding out hope.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 03:31 AM
12

he mansplained to me that I was silly for believing in fake science and that psychology isn't real. Man, I love it when the stupid shows itself. It's just such a relief when I don't have to wonder whether I'm not giving someone enough of a chance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 07:13 PM
14

They like having a built-in excuse for not wanting anything serious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 07:10 PM
7

Maybe now's not a good time to date?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 07:07 PM
16

Don't be hard on yourself. Three to five weeks is just about that time when most men can't keep the facade going anymore. It sounds like you did FDS right and are now seeing him for what he is. Why not celebrate with a nice ghosting and a drink?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 07:06 PM
19

"I can live alone, if self-respect and circumstances require me so to do. I need not sell my soul to buy bliss. I have an inward treasure born with me, which can keep me alive if all extraneous delights should be withheld or offered only at a price I cannot afford to give." Jane Eyre. Girls love a sick child or a healthy animal. A man who's both itches them like an incubus, but I, for one, have had a bellyful. She Bitches About Boys, Marilyn Hacker. Scratch a lover and find a foe. Dorothy Parker…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 06:56 PM
19

I'm in disbelief every time I see a post or comment on this sub where someone's waxing nostalgic for how men used to be or for when dating used to be good. Like, what are you talking about? Men have always been men. If they used to be anything they used to be worse, because up until a few short decades ago, most women had no rights. We were property. Oh, did you just watch some Downton Abbey and now you want to know where all the gentlemen are? Girl, that was the same period where women were bei…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 06:29 PM
20

Make sure to document this. Send him an email of everything he told you and basically conclude it with "Is this correct? I just want to be sure we're on the same page." CC whoever you can reasonably cc. You said he's a team lead. Is he your supervisor? Does he write your evaluations? If he's responsible in any way for how you're evaluated at work, then this kind of verbal, conflicting, emotionally-based feedback is bullshit. Document the shit out of everything he says or does about it. If he bri…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 10:30 AM
13

He left out a folder that said “apartment documents”. Hahaha, the passive aggression! "Look, I'm really going! I'll do it! I'm making moves! I'm almost gone!!!" He wanted you to see that and suddenly have doubts and not want him to go. Or it's just spite, like "See, I'm great!!! You want me to move out, I'll move out!!!" Just your basic emotional manipulation. I'm so proud of you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 10:15 AM
30

Excellent. What sort of responses do you get?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 10:11 AM
20

thought: what happened to dating in the old days when guys actually tried? Guys were just as shitty in the old days as they are now, you just heard about it less because there was no internet and they got away with more because there were fewer protections for women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 09:45 AM
21

The good news is that she's young. She probably won't waste too much time on him. The bad news is that people really rarely take good advice. Sometimes the only teacher we'll listen to is pain.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 02:39 PM
17

You think the scarcity mindset is bad in your twenties, DOT gives you a glimpse of how bad it is in your thirties.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 04:15 PM
45

"I'm going to say whatever I want to get whatever I want without any consideration for your feelings and if you get hurt over it it's your fault."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 03:42 AM
1

You should do what you want to do. It just threw me that you like your hair color, but you're changing it to a color you actually don't like because...self-esteem? I get your reasoning though. Ultimately, you should just do what you want to do when it comes to your hair. Brown doesn't have to be boring, though. Maybe you could try ombre? Then grow out the damaged part.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 11:28 AM
1

You can do it! Be confident. You deserve to be safe and stress-free in your own home.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 11:23 AM
3

It did not make him stop, he laughed. Please, don't be alone with that man again. He's working up to something. If the landlord comes back at you with 'Well he said you came onto him,' just grey rock it out. Landlord: He says you expressed interest first. You: [deadpan] I didn't. That's all you have to say. If you try to explain, men will interpret that as you getting defensive or emotional. Just state the fact and then stare them down. Landlord: But maybe you could have given him the wrong impr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 10:58 AM
1

If he's telling the landlord that you're arrogant, then they're already talking shit. Forget what they think of you, be assertive! It's outrageous that you're made to feel unsafe in your own home. In fact, if the landlord refuses to take action I'd even say you had grounds for a lawsuit. You don't have to go nuclear right away though, start with just telling the landlord how uncomfortable the contractor's making you and that you are asking him to make it stop. Also, please don't ever be alone in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 10:13 AM
3

Have you spoken to your landlord? Because that's straight up sexual harassment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 09:58 AM
1

Has he stopped?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 09:55 AM
4

The exes don't even have to be shitty or toxic. I just don't want to deal with that emotional Catch-22. I've ignored my gut feeling on this before and it's always been a disaster. I don't care how much I like the guy or what else he's got going for him, if he's close or even in continuous contact with his ex(es), I'm out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 09:46 AM
1

I don't get it. You like your blonde hair, but you're dyeing it brown? Why?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 09:40 AM
1

so I don't get tempted to text him Isn't he deleted? How can you text him? she was so much better at it than me I felt stupid for even saying that How good you are at something doesn't have to dictate your passion for it. So what if she's better than you at cooking? What does you enjoying cooking have anything to do with anyone else? Do you cook specifically to be better at cooking than other people? It's like me saying well I'll never be as good at wearing clothes as Naomi Campbell so I should …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 09:39 AM
4

Girl, you can't fix cargo shorts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 09:21 AM
1

What does 'unsolicited compliments' mean? Was he hitting on you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 09:20 AM
40

I like the mood you're going for, but...if you're referring to someone as a 'scrote,' do you really like him? I mean that's...a lot of contempt. For someone you 'really like.' Also, I'm not sure how FDS it is to equate leveling up with being eligible to date a certain subsection of men. Instead of basing your 'status' on being with the sort of man the 'scrote' would respect and envy, what if you just...focused on you? Like, what do you think makes a HVW? Who do you respect and want to emulate?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 09:17 AM
110

Can I report a post for being too true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 01:52 PM
11

I don't know. I read it again and it's sounding like a challenge.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 10:20 AM
75

A man wrote that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 08:13 AM
266

The moment a guy said or did something that made me uncomfortable, I left. Literally just grab my purse and walk. There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as a women's self-respect and as timeless as a really good lipstick. It is the middle ground between the light glinting off of J.Lo's sunglasses in that video with Maluma and the shadow of the alley behind the dumpster where your Tinder date wants to really get to know you. Between psychological t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 06:57 AM
133

I think meet cutes are half the reason why women persist in going to parks or walking dogs for dates. Because in their heads, they're watching Audrey Hepburn and Paul Newman walking around New York or that one part of 101 Dalmations where Roger/Pongo meets Anita/Perdita. And men have been just as exposed to these ideas as they grew up, only what appeals to them is how little the man has to invest. Worse, these ideas don't even work within the fictional world they come from. You saw/read Breakfas…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 06:39 AM
47

I'll make my own Reddit! With blackjack and male hookers!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 05:33 AM
429

I wonder what the rent's like with that much closet space.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 04:28 AM
32

This post almost put me in tears. I've read the cycle before and I recognized parts of it. But to see it explained in a post like this, and just after watching American Murder for the first time... I wasn't crazy. There isn't something wrong with me. It was him. It was him and it's all right here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 12:36 PM
174

Especially if he's senior management. OP should tread carefully, not engage with inappropriate overtures, and document everything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 12:10 PM
115

Yeah, it's call or fold. He's cornered her. If she doesn't want to spend the next few years mommying him and his animals while he does anything he fucking wants, she's got to throw him out. It's obviously the only consequence he'll respect, and even then only if she goes through with it. He's killed this relationship, she just hasn't accepted it yet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 11:03 AM
75

Absolutely, and this is the real reason postponing sex is FDS. Not because we're trying to keep any LVMs, but because we're trying to protect ourselves. That's why I hope she doesn't spend any significant time feeling like she messed up a potential relationship with a good guy by sleeping with him too soon, though it's doubtless going to occur to her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 10:46 AM
133

He could have been eaten by a bear. Hopefully. On the bright side, a man who would do this is not a man who would miraculously turn out to be a HVM just because she held off putting out for three months. So I hope she doesn't waste any time feeling like she 'messed it up' by sleeping with him right away. He was always going to turn out to be trash.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 10:35 AM
68

I've never been in this situation, so would someone who's had the misfortune enlighten me: Is it possible to get your phone out and start filming? Is dialing 911 an option? Are you afraid that they will physically assault you if you try?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 09:32 AM
29

You're only giving him the attention he wants.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 07:02 AM
9

I just want to be in a coven. Like I don't even want to go on dates right now, I want to dance naked in the woods with my sisters under a full moon. Or get drunk, burn candles, read Tarot, and watch Practical Magic again. Won't someone just come over to do absinthe shots, bake bread, and practice sympathetic magic with me? ;_;
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 06:31 AM
1

How so?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 06:24 AM
18

According to the article she cut him. Did she change her mind?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 06:17 AM
13

Yes, I'm sure some mild peer pressure from his friends is enough to keep a man faithful. His friends have to fucking peer pressure him into being faithful?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 02:43 AM
47

It's almost fascinating from an anthropological perspective. Like, 1. How wide is the divide between what's actually happening and what he thinks is happening? and 2. How do we process this man's outright admission that he is trying to pressure and manipulate a woman into sex? I mean, entitlement and objectification, obviously, but how did he get there? How does he type all of that out and still not ask himself, 'Is there something wrong here?'
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 02:40 AM
44

The Che Guevara poster of sex: Common, cheap, cliche, and completely exploitative.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 02:32 AM
35

I like how "nicely" is in quotation marks. Another day, another LVM accidentally telling you what he really thinks. What is sexual security? Am I putting a deposit down on that dick? Am I contractually guaranteed at least one orgasm per coital event? If he cheats on me or gives me chlamydia, do I get a monetary payout or is he obligated to repair or replace the dick to its actual sex value?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 02:20 AM
53

I don't think there was a single catalyst for this realization. I just noticed after a while that most people weren't there for me the way I was there for them, and I realized that I didn't like what a lot of the people in my vicinity were doing or saying. It didn't seem like I was thinking in the same moral and ethical frameworks as the people I called my friends, and I was hand-waving a lot of things I actually found repugnant for the sake of maintaining those relationships. Later I understood…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 02:10 AM
392

Even if there was some glimmer of truth to this incelfic, what do you want to bet that she's actually super uncomfortable and wishes this creeper would stop talking about sex?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 09:24 PM
10

Find one skill or activity that you really, really enjoy and work on attaining mastery in it. Expertise in a field is one of the ways to build self-esteem. Volunteer. Even if it feels slightly hypocritical at first, you would still be contributing to the community and giving yourself something else to think about. Either reduce your social media usage or redirect it. Spend less time entertaining flirty or vacuum-filling messages and more time texting/messaging purposefully. Take a purposeful bre…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 09:20 PM
12

Every now and then, I'll see a post that talks about pickmes in a manner that makes me uncomfortable. Why all the judgement? Do we have to condemn her? Weren't most of us in her place at least once, and don't we remember how painful it was? The only ones I come here to judge are LVMs/NVMs, and even then my main concern is avoiding them or propelling them out of my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 08:35 AM
74

sees witchcraft and FDS finally beginning to overlap yessssss
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 08:30 AM
160

This article just enforces the idea that a lot of men don't marry when they're in love or meet the right woman. They marry when they're embarrassed or uncomfortable being single.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 08:26 AM
8

So much depends on the individual woman, too. Some women don't like short guys. Some women like short guys. Most women, in my opinion, have preferences but can be swayed if the other qualities are high enough. Both tall and short men have been evil to me. I idly prefer tall men, but there was this one guy who was I think exactly my height whom I still think about sometimes five years later.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 08:18 AM
57

"How cute am I, fooling my wife into thinking I was a good idea."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 08:10 AM
81

His mother just shakes her head and tells her bingo friends, "Oh, you know Junior and those women." If he doesn't see you as people, why expect her to see you as people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 08:08 AM
468

I think that's what a lot of people, men and women, misunderstand about FDS. FDS is not about enforcing gender roles, playing mind games, or somehow maneuvering men into relationships. FDS is, at its core, a defense that women have had to develop in response to the wholesale physical, mental, and emotional abuse and manipulation that we have already been inflicted. We're not withholding sex or demanding men pay or vetting so ruthlessly because we want to be such suspicious bastards. We're just t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 08:06 AM
2

FDS is not about enforcing traditional gender roles or catering to whatever social constructs make the men happy. A man who puts his 'provider mindset' above respecting women as equals and fellow human beings is not a HVM and a woman who would subordinate her individual identity to some patriarchal concept of passive femininity to catch a man is not a HVW. This is how courting has always been. ... Modern society has muddled the waters a bit. I, for one, prefer that women are no longer property t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 07:46 AM
62

I love this and I love you. he’s panicking and messaging me Saying what?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 07:27 PM
45

I don't have any answers, but I think I'm in love with you. Edit: I laughed in his face YES
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 07:24 PM
9

Jane Eyre.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 07:05 PM
55

My new dating profile: Swipe left if you can't: crush an exhaust pipe with your bare hands prepare and serve a three course meal to the climax of Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake Finale ​ ...nights out to bathe naked in mud and dance with the devil in the woods at midnight, all while burning coriander and listening to Kate Bush. Oh, you don't do this?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 07:04 PM
3

That message in that time frame doesn't read as aggressive. It reads as insecure and defensive. I don't know what's happened since then, but I'd just give this a lot of space if I were you. If he wants to reach out, he will. In the meantime, don't hold back from making your own plans. Save your own time, don't worry about his.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 06:27 PM
2

I'm kidding, I'm kidding...but, you know...if I'm not doing anything...and he's out for good behavior...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 05:43 PM
237

I corrected the table for accuracy. Pros of this Man Cons of this Man He's there. He's there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 05:19 PM
3

I've been there. I've had intense feelings for people based on basically nothing. I also understand the urge to reach out and make things happen. I think the other posters have covered why that's not a good idea. Begin as you mean to continue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 05:04 PM
5

That doesn't seem like a lot to go on. Are you sure he's not just hot?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 04:58 PM
417

​ Pros of this Man Cons of this Man He's there. Everything else. It's not "your burden" it's your gift. They tell Handmaids this too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 04:56 PM
4

Why do you like him? You haven't been on a date and his texting game looks weak. What is your like of him based on?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 04:51 PM
27

So...is this where we're at now? Watching videos about how men are just 'wired' to see us as disposable, so the burden is on us to stay out of the masculine realm and hone our feminine energies? This video literally just said that "The only men who are drawn to women who lead with their accomplishments are feminine energy men...a woman who dwells and thrives in the masculine realm will not have long-term success with a high value, a masculine man, because their energies will clash and the power …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 04:45 PM
7

Woman: Hey girl, you deserve to be with someone who loves you and treats you like the precious human being that you are, so protect, value, and respect yourself enough to not give men whatever they want whenever they want it just to be in a relationship. Man: Omg, why are you cunts oppressing women?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 06:37 AM
9

You are talking yourself into giving the man the power. Why do you have to discuss anything with him? You don't want to be anyone's girlfriend right now, so be confident in that decision and keep treating that guy as exactly what he is, not your boyfriend. Don't discuss, demonstrate. I understand the impulse to have a heart-to-heart in which the two of you come up with some sort of plan wherein everyone's desires and boundaries are respected, and I really, really wish that worked, but it almost …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 06:32 AM
8

It's like plumage on a bird, except the plumage is actual shit and a bird might at least feed you and your children. #birddads #HVBs
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 05:55 AM
4

Well, okay, but I'm going to have zero gives for others too, sooo...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 05:00 AM
347

On a side note, I refuse to call anyone 'my ex.' When I'm done, I'm done, and that man doesn't get to be 'my' anything. At most, he's just somebody that I used to know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 06:12 PM
85

Also it just sounds like a lot of work? And not fun? If you've got that kind of time and money, you should take me out for fried chicken instead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 06:01 PM
9

Is it bad that this man looks sort of viable at this point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 05:33 PM
32

As a child, I never imagined I'd grow up to envy a duck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 05:23 PM
8

you're not looking for a hook up and I'm not necessarily either i want sex Right now...I wouldn't even have time to date i want sex I'm really just focused on becoming debt free i'm broke and i want sex
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 05:20 PM
22

feminine receiver ??? Is this what we're calling trophy wives now?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 05:16 PM
5

So it goes. I didn't listen to my friends either. :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 04:29 PM
32

You should cut him off. You know you're incompatible and he's already ambivalent about being together. And now you're the one in the weaker position, because you took back the breakup and are chasing him. You've got two choices. End it now and get through the immediate pain, or drag this out for another few weeks while he mulls his options and does what he likes, losing respect for you as he goes, until it inevitably ends even more painfully because by then you'll have completely compromised you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 04:26 PM
117

I was just exaggerating for the joke. Going from art to bestiality is such a segue, it made me laugh. Edit: WAIT I'M DUMB. Forgive me, I am somewhat intoxicated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 02:52 PM
12

Tell your friend to read Jane Eyre again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 02:35 PM
27

I want to know if his mom's seen this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 02:31 PM
339

"Indeed, Manet's manipulation of color, tone, and texture was truly masterful. The minimization of perspectival depth really allows for the viewer to concentrate on the surface patterns and relationships of the picture, rather than focusing on the illusory three-dimensional space. Hey, would you fuck a cat?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 02:25 PM
17

You didn't allow yourself to be abused. You suffered the abusive actions of people who chose to do it to you. We don't invite or ask for abuse, it is inflicted upon us. You didn't somehow deserve the abuse. You survived it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 02:18 PM
20

So you don't want people to shame you, but your first paragraph is shaming the wife? She has a child with that man. Trying to fix things doesn't sound like a good idea, but her motive is understandable. I notice you don't seem very interested in shaming the married man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 02:05 PM
15

Mourn it like a death. There is no possibility of return. Even if he ever did come back, you could never take him because you know it wouldn't be for the right reasons. It's over not just because he left, but because you've decided it's done. Regardless of what may happen in the future.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 06:55 AM
12

It can also mean: . the conditions and processes of a disease . any deviation from a healthy, normal, or efficient condition.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 05:45 AM
75

And she has zero credit, renter history, or any benefit of this home? There's the bottom line. Paying rent is, by itself, not unreasonable. She'd probably be paying rent anywhere else. But she'd also be getting things back for that, like credit history, renter history, and certain rights and privileges as a renter. If she moves into her bf's house, all she's doing is paying towards his mortgage. And buying furniture. And probably doing housework. And providing sex. And they're not even living in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 05:44 AM
32

What are the comments saying?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 05:36 AM
38

I have a theory that this increase in the use of psychological tactics like gaslighting is a direct response to the advancement of women's rights. Like we talk about how unbelievably entitled men can be, but is it really unbelievable? Aren't they just expecting and demanding the privileges they've always had? Except now that entitlement is not legally enforced or overtly socially endorsed, and as women gain more and more autonomy and power we have more and more options, including the most import…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 05:35 AM
26

I feel every single sentence in this post. I've been every single sentence in this post. The good news is that we're better than that and you're better than him. You always were. What brought you down was the desperate desire to be loved, which is a minor sin at most. Your ability to love someone and your desire to take care of them are not evils. He was the selfish one. It's natural to be embarrassed, but don't judge yourself for being vulnerable. Judge the one who saw and used that vulnerabili…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 05:17 AM
14

Same. If I want to get laid, I can. For everything else, the cost/benefit just doesn't work out. The grief a man usually brings into my life isn't worth just having someone there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 05:04 AM
9

Preach.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 04:55 AM
86

The thing that gets me is the utterly reflexive attempt to smear you. "We are both pieces of shit." Nah bro, there is no indication that we are anything. He instinctively tried to guilt and gaslight you into feeling bad enough to start doubting yourself and talk to him. I'm really starting to believe that there is a pathology in men that just isn't talked about even as it becomes increasingly apparent. There's probably a pathology in women too, but ours tends toward defensive, self-harmful issue…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 04:53 AM
10

This seems like a lot of work to put into a man when I could just be watching Aliens again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 06:28 PM
133

You can't be the crazy gf if you're not the gf.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 05:55 PM
20

I don't think there are people who are supposed to or not supposed to be in relationships. I do think there are people who decide they are happier by themselves, and simply choose not to be in relationships. In fact, from most standpoints (evolutionary, biological, psychological, etc.), 100% of us are 'meant' to be in relationships. We evolved as social animals and the harmful effects of isolation are extensively documented. I think when someone says things like 'it's never in the cards and they…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 05:48 PM
5

As far as LVM mea culpas go, it's...not shit? But it also sounds like something a woman wrote.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 01:48 PM
8

Although now that he’s married with a family there should be changes. This is what it all boils down to. The two of you are now a single unit and your finances should reflect that. If you were still working and your income levels were similar, then maybe having separate finances wouldn't be a big deal. But in a situation like the one you describe, it would be shockingly easy for an imbalance to develop. Even just the psychological effect of thinking my account rather than our account can build o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 01:33 PM
18

/u/NecessaryCook covered how this is financial abuse. If I were you, I'd talk to both a financial advisor and a lawyer. The financial advisor to script out exactly what you should be asking for to make your position in this marriage equitable and the lawyer to know what to do next if the first conversation goes the way we all suspect it's going to go. Don't mistake what's happening. Your husband is both keeping you at a disadvantage and hedging his bets. He is very obviously holding all the powe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 07:12 AM
10

I get that this is well-intentioned, but the thumbnail is literally the cast of Mad Men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 06:43 AM
2

How did that start anyway? Do the Dutch have a reputation for being very literally fair? Sadly, this is one more thing that entitled people have ruined. I actually like the idea of paying my own way at least at first, because I probably don't know the other person very well and I'm an independent woman who doesn't like to compromise her financial self-sufficiency. But I can't do it, because men have fucked the power dynamic. Instead of seeing it as a sign that I am self-sufficient and fair-minde…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 06:39 AM
182

The tragedy is that we're all developing attachment trauma, because selfish, emotionally unavailable people keep inflicting it on us. Rihanna is my spirit animal. I've decided to grow up to be her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 06:30 AM
119

I encountered a man once who talked to and apparently kept track of all of his exes. All of them. He would toss me such treats as Yeah, this girl I dated 20 YEARS AGO is trying to hit me up again, she wants to get back together. Or My ex from a decade ago and I still talk, she's been telling me how much she regrets not working things out with me. I said, Hey, it's never too late. You should hit them up! Maybe true love didn't die after all! He got quiet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 06:27 AM
186

Where, where does a person get off having all these requirements that they can't fulfill themselves?! ​ LVM says... ...is what he means. feminine submissive drop dead gorgeous airbrushed twenty-something healthy not fat confident but not enough to argue with me secure you need and will ask nothing of me sexually open will submit to any sexual act I choose to inflict flexible I will want to fuck other women honest you owe me whatever information I want from you, including the entirety of your sex…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 06:17 AM
32

I think those are the opening lines to a movie about involuntary organ donation. With any luck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 05:06 AM
4

I'm so angry on her behalf. the last straw was recently she met some friends of his, and they made fun of her for being older NO. This woman is single, in her 30s, in software. SHE COULD LITERALLY DO ANYTHING SHE WANTS. ANYTHING. Please, for pity's sake, tell her to: Refresh her resume and start submitting it to reach positions. You cannot tell me that a woman who builds software products cannot find a better and more fulfilling job. Take a weekend off. Go to a spa. Spend the entire two days dru…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 04:57 AM
30

This isn't just LVMs, it's LVP. I've cut off people for leaving me waiting with no notice. When they tell me I'm being unreasonable, I demand a refund of my 20 minutes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 04:41 AM
22

Several indicators here that this gentleman is not quite as tethered to reality as he should be. It's really just absurd how they immediately jump to lies and denial. Like they really believe that they can rewrite history at will. Or maybe we're looking at this the wrong way. Maybe the disconnect between what he's saying and what he's thinking is really so wide, you're in a Schrodinger's asshole situation. Maybe that moment where he suddenly told you that you were never more than a mate was the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 04:34 AM
23

I am so proud of you. Like I seriously had pangs reading your post. You did exactly the right thing and you did it with calm and poise. I yearn to have had half your maturity and self-discipline at the same age. Don't beat yourself up for having feelings. Feelings are natural and mean you are a mentally and emotionally healthy human being. I really hate that a completely logical consequence of the emotional fucking terrorism that men are inflicting on women is that women are learning to detach t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 04:12 AM
28

Good grief, where do you work? Gilead?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 06:16 PM
94

I think my pussy just sealed itself. Or grew teeth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 06:09 PM
104

A grown-up bag. You should be able to take it to work, a date, or a funeral. A good mattress. It's a third of your life. A high quality bra. Actually, all your underwear should be high quality. I tried to keep it general. Honestly, I could go on. I love shopping.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 05:43 PM
25

Men Debate: Women, People or Prey? Tonight at 9. "You chase women, you don't respect them," says Potential Father.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 05:29 PM
368

That was seriously a deal-breaker for him. That a woman wouldn't make herself vulnerable by taking and sending nudes. To a stranger. I just...I just can't even. At least he went away on his own.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 05:20 PM
26

Recognising red flags and acting upon them requires you to maintain some level of emotional distance and to have high levels of self-esteem. Ah, yes, that's what I forgot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 05:10 PM
2

cool story bro
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 05:05 PM
3

Extremely common, highly derivative, and sketchy about the future?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 05:01 PM
1

I can't wait to see what you are made of tomorrow. Neither can I. [WednesdayAddams.gif]
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 04:54 PM
20

Have you heard the good news? Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ didn't need permission to stop being buried alive, and neither do you! What if you broke up with your ex, made him move out/moved out yourself, and then blocked him on everything? What if the next time he finds a way to contact you, you just ignore it? What if I told you that you are already single, that you have been single for a while, and this is now just a logistical problem? He sounds awful and you sound so unhappy. Do you have …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 04:42 PM
46

You may have no idea how good he must feel right now. You definitely have no idea how little he's going to value you now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 04:22 PM
18

I'm laughing, but only because it's so outrageous. I hope one day to be so brazen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 03:43 PM
108

Assert dominance. Show up in a raccoon onesie. Since you're digging through trash.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 03:42 PM
9

Heartwarming or tender would be my preference. I cry easily so I don't want to be sad, especially on a first date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 03:34 PM
47

Wait to have sex. I realize waiting six months or more might be pushing it, but I doubt many lying pigs are going to last longer than two or three months. At least not without disqualifying themselves in other ways. Use protection and put off giving or receiving oral. Banging tends to expose a man's real nature, especially if he's just holding in his depravity. He might park it, forget where he left it, and get towed. Ask to get tested together. When he balks, dump him. There's always going to b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 03:00 PM
20

Box his shit up and put it on the curb at exactly the time you gave him. If he can't respect your time why should you respect his shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 01:50 PM
13

Literally every time I allowed any level of disrespect, it only got worse. Years later, the only part of those relationships that I still regret is not walking away the first time I thought to. Sometimes self-respect is breaking your own heart.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 01:43 PM
3

I was only impressed because I don't cook.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 10:09 AM
7

I actually had a rule for a while that I wouldn't go out with cyclists. The ones I met and dated were so...awful. But that was just misattribution, and I was handicapped by an asshole radar. Put me in a crowd of people, cyclists or otherwise, and I would gravitate toward the NVMs/LVMS. I was a sucker for a good face and body and tended to excuse a lot of shit if he was good-looking and/or fit. So of course I was particularly vulnerable to athletic men. Then add a dollop of lovebombing, blame-shi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 09:18 AM
9

Thanks. :) He was definitely an asshole, which I can see when I'm being objective, and it didn't help that I always had low self-esteem. He also did a bang-up job convincing me that I was the problem, so I tended to question myself even as I was looking at a physical list of the dishonest, manipulative things he did. I actually disagree with you that athletes skew toward HVM. I work in a highly physical field full of bodybuilders and athletes, and my experience has been that the fitter a guy is,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 08:39 AM
21

I just read both your posts on dating bodybuilders and non-bodybuilders, and I have to admit I suffered some pangs. The two men who treated me the worst and hurt me most were a bodybuilder and a bodybuilder/athlete. I was reading your post on the pros of athletic types and I couldn't help thinking, Then was he really HV? Was I the problem, like he said? I know I shouldn't generalize. There are plenty of top-class, non-bodybuilder athletes who are the scum of the Earth, and physical fitness or ex…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 07:58 AM
27

Boss moves. This is exactly what I'm going to do going forward.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 07:31 AM
18

Fair enough. And even if I didn't call it or consider it a date, you can bet he will.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 07:28 AM
130

What is the opposite of a boner, and how did he give it to me over wifi.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 07:06 AM
215

And then you unmatched, right? "We can meet somewhere public." Present yourself to me so that I can decide if I want to put my dick in you. If I do, I'll think about buying you a coffee.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 07:03 AM
14

I get you. I get you hard. You are not alone. The short answers are: Yes, you DO get to be with someone who excites you and whom you respect; and no, you DO NOT have to just choose a boring guy, or anyone at all. I want you to ask yourself a question, and I want you to be as honest as possible with yourself when answering: How are you trying to meet people right now? When I asked myself this question, I realized that my attempts to meet people were actually really limited and halfhearted, becaus…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 06:33 AM
8

Seeing if I have my own space, basically asking to come over and hit it. Because I'm so unmistakably aroused by their masterful grip on the English language.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 09:35 AM
2

"lol wut"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 09:32 AM
12

Yes, you did something wrong. You didn't record any of his histrionics for our entertainment. Shame on you. You are not a bad person. You are a kind, patient person who's been very, very nice. Too nice. Block this puddle of lukewarm manipulation out of your life. If you start to feel bad, I want you to imagine this mediocrity sitting on his bed, phone to his head, face completely straight, oily tears beading halfheartedly out of his flat, dead eyes while he whines into your ear. Please stay away…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 06:45 AM
22

I really believe that cognitive dissonance is not just becoming normalized but endemic to our society and culture. It's what enables the polarization of of the political process, the delegitimization of evidence-based critical thinking and facts, and the zero sum game of individual entitlement. What's happening in dating is just a reflection of what's happening in society at large. If men are becoming more selfish and increasingly seeing women as objects for their use, it's because people in gen…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 06:22 AM
31

On the one hand, I don't want to indulge in shaming. I also won't rule out that, of the billions of women on Earth, there are probably one or two who like threesomes and anal. I mean there are women who watch Real Housewives and smoke a pack a day who are otherwise upright citizens. So it goes. On the other hand, I concur that the man asking for threesomes is a red flag, especially if you're a monogamous animal and one of the pillars of your relationship is exclusivity. At best, he's already act…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 05:48 AM
14

Okay, so I'm going to offer a slightly more bf-sympathetic perspective, which is that your bf now knows that you survived a heinous crime last year and watched you break down over it while blackout drunk. It would be difficult to see a stranger go through that, but your gf? Whom you hopefully care for and love? If you're both in your teens then he's still very young, and this is a topic lots of adults struggle with. It's possible that he feels like he needs to do something to help you but doesn'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 05:29 AM
121

Say yes and tell him to bring a pizza. At the door, take the pizza and hand him the trash so he can take it out on his way home.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 11:28 PM
42

No parking between the hours of 2:00 AM and 12:00 AM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 11:26 PM
7

First of all, you can end things whenever you want for any reason. Maybe he breathed wrong. Second, there's nothing wrong with being frugal, but it's legitimate to not want to pursue things with someone who will shame your choices or has a personal style that you don't like. I can't tell from here whether he was actually judging you, but even if he wasn't, you're allowed to not like his choices just like he's allowed to not like yours. You would spend $600 on shoes, he wouldn't. He would wear th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 11:16 PM
85

I've seen a couple of these posts, and every time I think, That's so clever, what a tactical way to think. I should do that! And then, That sounds like work though. Two profiles? I don't even want to do one. They all lie anyway, can I just keep shitposting and asking for nudes? Am I too lazy? [cracks open a beer]
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 10:49 PM
14

The only baecation I'd be into.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 10:32 PM
83

My preference is for a quick meet in a public bar for about an hour. These MLMs really going that extra mile. blah ENFPs blah INTJs lbah "I'm into poorly sourced pseudoscience that lets me compartmentalize my social interactions and emotions even further than the traditional Madonna-whore complex!" When I grow up, I want to be a mall Santa. On probation. Punctuality turns me on. At least your tumescent mall Santa will be on time to your hour-long quick meet at a public bar?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 10:18 PM
11

"You're too sensitive. You're overthinking it. You're expecting too much. You're being too much. You have issues. You need help. You should talk to someone. You're being unreasonable. You're CRAZY." lol k
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 10:08 PM
35

Next time, just text "I'm going to see other people, bye." Then, whatever he says, text back "lol k." Then block. Good on you for cutting it off. No matter how good our bullshit meter is, some things are going to get through. All it means is that he was that good a liar and that emotionally detached/manipulative. The important thing now is that you have the character to recognize it, acknowledge the sunk costs, and walk away permanently. I'm sorry for the pain. Even when it's clear they're an as…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 09:57 PM
39

Cheaters will cheat. Especially if they get away with it once, they will probably do it again. That's not the sort of character flaw that goes away. And even if he doesn't cheat (where you can see it), you (and she) know he's a man whose word is worthless. No integrity, no honor, no character. I don't go in for blaming the other woman for cheating men, or at least not much. But her trash behavior certainly explains why she might get along with your trash ex. Can you see how lucky you are? To be …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 09:28 PM
93

I must be doing these apps wrong, no one ever assumes I'm going to cook for them. It's all just "hey" or "do u have roommates lol." I'm going to start asking men what they're going to cook for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 09:08 PM
1

it’s getting to the point where I think maybe I should reevaluate my standards for guys What I read from this was 1. you're trying to meet men and are unhappy that you're not meeting the ones you want and 2. you're at the point where you're thinking about prioritizing meeting men over your standards. There are a couple of assumptions there, but there's not much to go on in your post. Yes, this is Female Dating Strategies, but one of the tenets of FDS is not to chase men. We advocate for women to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 08:45 PM
2

Then does it have to be dating apps? How about Meetups? Online book club? A local sports team or league?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 02:59 PM
257

I don't get it. Even if this is really what she thinks, why would she admit it? To anyone? Is she advertising? To who, gamer boys? She looks fifteen, why is she talking about sucking anyone's dick? Is she sucking dick? Do her parents know? Have they seen this? How can they not have seen this? Am I old?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 02:16 PM
4

I feel so sad for her. All she wants is to feel loved and valued, but the loneliness and sense of inadequacy is intense. I could be reading too much into a tweet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 01:34 PM
3

Have you considered being happy and fulfilled whether you're in a relationship or not?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 01:27 PM
20

Man: every man cheats, a good woman is ride or die Woman: [cheats] Man: WHORE
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 01:21 PM
7

That book was depressing. I should read it again. I think you've got the results you were looking for, then. He won't even put in the minimum you're asking, not even to get what he wants! Though you could probably tell that from his "beard." Beggars belief, doesn't it? Like all he had to do was shave his stupid face and show some enthusiasm and you might have given him exactly what he was asking for. You were seriously considering it! I don't know. This guy sounds like someone you don't need as …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 01:13 PM
10

Was he even hot? Like, hot enough to merit all this bullshit? ​ Him: This that and the third blah blah blah You: Rule 1. Be hot. Rule 2. Condoms because there doesn't need to be more of you. Rule 3. Stfu. Him: But ​ I am sometimes tempted by the idea of FWB. But casual sex is so high risk, low reward for me, while it's so low risk, high reward for them. Also I don't want to be friends, so...more like AWB? Acquaintances With Benefits? Like I want to send booty texts at midnight and have him show …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 12:04 PM
10

That sort of disrespect isn't something that goes away. Being surprised you're not jealous indicates both an attempt at manipulation and a low opinion of women in general. Why compare yourself to anyone else? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, always someone who hates peaches, etc. Also it has nothing to do with your situation. Would he somehow be a better person and partner if you were, like, just 5 millihelens more attractive? Like would he respect you more if your face launched a Carnival …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 11:45 AM
6

Why not both? Laugh as you block him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 11:35 AM
12

Personally, I interpret a lot of FDSology in terms of effort and investment as potential indicators. Is he putting in effort? Is he investing time and resources into getting to know you? Is he just telling you that he cares or is he showing you that he cares? These questions are important because of how widespread an attitude of low-effort entitlement has become in modern American dating. Unfortunately, people lie, so until we develop actual telepathy we'll have to rely on the indicators we've g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 11:32 AM
9

You can definitely find a fuller package than his.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 11:11 AM
17

"It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life." But did you really lose? It was a first date, there was no sex, and he showed you who he was by ghosting you. Block, shrug, treat yourself to something delicious, and move forward.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 10:48 AM
7

Just block him. Block and delete him on everything. Box up his things and give the box to a mutual friend. Or put it on the curb, send him one last text telling him where it is, and then block and delete him. Do not offer to keep it safe or feel obligated to get his things back to him at all. Breakups always suck, but the silver lining here is that his behavior is so egregiously shit that there's no real room for the what ifs. He's using you, he's cheating on you, and he's so emotionally detache…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 07:00 AM
8

I urge you to ask yourself these questions now, before you let anyone new into your life. Being lonely, not liking yourself, and not liking your life is a trifecta of unhappiness that makes you extremely vulnerable. If your answers are true, I'm willing to bet that this dissatisfaction with yourself and your life influences your behavior and personality. I'm also willing to bet that it's perceptible to others, even if only subtly. None of us are the enigmas we think we are. I've got an exercise …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 09:51 AM
14

Are you lonely? Do you like yourself? Do you like your life?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 03:02 AM
21

He said he’s not cheating and wouldn’t, which should be obvious because if a guys going to cheat he wouldn’t voluntarily mention the woman as he did. Deny. [He] said it really bothered him that I thought he was the kind of guy to intentionally say things just to hurt me. Attack. He was upset that I didn’t trust him. Reverse Victim... He said I “killed it” when I accused him of bringing up his ex just to irk me. ...and Offender. I don't think the whole world is made up of narcissists. But I do th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 11:15 PM
8

treated her like a queen How do you know this? Was your friend blatantly bragging on how how "great" he was being to her? Or are you seeing some of the highlights (a la Facebook) and drawing conclusions? Good people will be decent to people in general. They won't have tiers of behavior based on criteria like looks. He didn't shit on you because you deserved it, he did it because he's a shit. If he was good to your friend, it was because there was something he wanted from her that he felt he had …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 11:03 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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