I just finished American Murder: The Family Next Door on Netflix. Excellent, but so disturbing. The most disturbing part was I noticed a pattern I experienced in my last two long-term relationships: the love bomb.

Love bombing is the first step of the idealize/devalue/discard cycle which is typical of narcissists and LVM in general. It's when you first start dating and he loves EVERYTHING about you. It's like he can't do enough for you. Flowers at work. Trips. Non-stop compliments to the point you feel like you can't do anything wrong. Queens - this is not natural or high value because it is insincere! Please be wary of men who are "too good to be true" and rapidly accelerate the relationship timeline. Many of these men will be particularly interested in you following a traumatic personal event such as divorce, illness, death in the family, job loss, etc. They are sharks; your vulnerability is blood in the water.

After the idealization phase, you'll experience the devaluing phase. This is where you can't do anything right, and you are made to feel as though some real or imagined transgression on your end (or boundary setting) has pushed him away and somehow "tainted" the relationship. There will likely be less physical affection, attention, security, etc. as you constantly try to win back the LVM's approval to get the relationship "back on track" to the love bomb stage. Spoiler alert: It will NEVER go back to the love bomb stage. But him keeping you off-balance and causing you to question what you did to deserve or how you can fix his poor/uncaring treatment is a stealth form of control. Now, he has the upper hand. Other forms of control during this period include gaslighting or the LVM blaming you for their own issues (projection.)

The final stage is the discard stage. This is when the LVM is no longer getting what they need from the relationship after draining your energy, self-confidence, and joy. It's when you find yourself tired, depressed, possibly overweight or having financial issues, and have nothing left to give. You are no longer the perfect person to fluff their feathers or be the envy-inspiring candy on their arm. Your luster is tarnished and they will casually, coldly, or cruelly discard you out of the blue; leaving you to wonder what the hell happened. It's a bewildering and upsetting feeling that has absolutely NOTHING to do with you and EVERYTHING to do with them.

Unfortunately in the Netflix film this person was also a sociopath and the outcome was tragic. But even without physical abuse the emotional and mental scars this leaves behind can run deep. So please be aware of this toxic behavior (which has been published in peer-reviewed psychiatric journals as almost solely being exhibited by men.) Knowledge is power! Arm yourself to avoid these therapy-couch-needing scrotes.