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husheveryone Archive

View 0 posts and 991 comments by husheveryone on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

“Last year he told me he could see himself proposing by the end of the summer. Summer came and went.” His actions are loud and clear. Respect what his actions are telling you. Read the pinned post here on The Rules for dating in your 30s. Cut it off. You’re wasting your most fertile years.
/r/RedPillWomen06/06/24 12:50 PM
1

Real romantic love exists, but it’s rare, sometimes unreciprocated, and often fleeting. You have to watch actions carefully because people don’t usually tell you when they’ve fallen out of love. But they’ll definitely show you. Ever notice how great husbands talk about meeting their wives and it’s like something came over them where they immediately needed to have MORE of that woman? Athol Kay in MMSLP wrote about meeting his wife, Jennifer - “and it was like discovering cocaine. More Jennifer p…
/r/RedPillWomen06/06/24 12:13 PM
0

Divorce your wife so she can finally get laid by an actual heterosexual male who leads, and so you can finally pursue your secret lifestyle openly with the type of people you genuinely like.
/r/askMRP28/05/24 07:44 AM
11

Absolutely - she needs to be documenting his neglect of those kids, taking photos of the filth and chaos in her home while she works, and saving his search/use histories to show a future court what he was really doing online while purporting to “parent.” Every mother in this type of situation should read Chump Lady’s “Leave A Cheater, Gain A Life” by Tracy Schorn, and “Mothers on Trial” by Phyllis Chesler.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 12:04 PM
6

Yup. My guess is he’s extremely funny and charming at the outset, and uses his 9/11 victimhood to inspire pity/caretaking from women. He played up their “fatherless children” commonality to get close to Beckinsale. Basically he has mega covert narcissist energy, with that mix of charm and subtle self-pity masking his underlying rage. Eventually the Jekyll & Hyde shit is revealed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 01:07 PM
47

Same, sis. For the rest of my days, I’d only ever Live Apart Together with a man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 07:31 PM
2

Amen! Show him with the block and delete that she doesn’t fuck with psychos.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 06:22 PM
150

💯 Every normal dad would obviously mention both of his kids. What a jerk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 11:50 AM
2

Yes. This unspoken rule/expectation needs to be said more in our society for sure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 08:46 PM
1

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 Perfectly said— this deserves to be its own post! We have a number of Queens up in here struggling with some type of sunk cost fallacy stuff holding on to reactively/narky abusive-to-them “friends” who are in toxic relationships with abusive men. And like they really expect their healthy friends to sit there and take their narcissistic bullshit and actively socialize with the abuser as if nothing is amiss - like pretend everything is normal and A-ok here. Nah! Well said.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 12:28 PM
8

💯 Right, and this type of situation (where OP gets automatically disbelieved in favor of BF’s version of events right off the bat and doesn’t see that as a giant 🚩red flag as to this friend) is distinguishable from the types of situations where we can safely help, say a female loved one who has NEVER devalued and dismissed you and who actually comes and ::asks:: for our help on leaving an abuser. Happy to drive a friend to a shelter, hold her valuables and family heirlooms for safekeeping, refer…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 11:57 PM
6

Absolutely - we have lived and learned from these types of nonreciprocal friends who turn around and put their reactive abuse on to us. So we need really good boundaries, because it often takes a licensed, IPV-informed counselor in a safe facility to reach these kinds of victims while staying safe from lashing out during the (on average) 7 tries it takes to leave an abusive relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 10:32 PM
17

Amen! She does not want to be saved, she is absolutely not “kind” - because she wants to blame OP for touching her man. Real talk: OP needs to worry about herself & her own safety first and foremost. Have the boundary that she is actually not an intimate partner violence counselor for this “friend” who does not want any type of counseling about what’s wrong with her crazy bf, and would rather choose to believe his triangulated version of events about the touching. OP has already been devalued by…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 10:12 PM
93

Yikes. Narcissistic family system, where the golden child elder sister not getting engaged/married first had bizarrely “injured” the disordered enforcers of the PickMe-tastic family system. So the horrible parents reacted by punishing the younger sister, who was a captive audience in the dress shop, ruining what was to her likely an important rite of passage of choosing her wedding gown.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 09:57 PM
446

Yes, and when they get called out for not requesting 50/50 or EOWE custody like a normal parent in 2021 would, they then claim the family court system discriminates against men.🙄 Even though study after study has shown that men get custody 70% of the time they bother to ask for it. “If he wanted to, he would” also applies to abandoning their own kids.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 06:26 PM
6

THE VVITCH and THE AUTOPSY OF JANE DOE are also excellent and satisfying feminist horror films.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 05:35 PM
2

I came here to recommend this podcast! Loved their episodes on POLTERGEIST, CAM, and THE INVITATION.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 05:27 PM
42

Total mindfuck to be a married mom tied to a closet case cheater. Chump Lady writes eloquently and hilariously on this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 02:18 PM
39

“Catfished by George Costanza” OLD pics 🤣🤣deceased, sis! 😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 05:19 PM
10

Yup. Detox your mind and unfollow that whole mess. Block/delete, be the heroine of your own life. Sounds like a relatively privileged sex worker in denial type who fancies herself a #jetsetter while performing nasty acts for her little glucose guardians. Vom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 05:14 PM
16

Train yourself to hear disrespect and “he’s been busy” as the signals to immediately cut your losses and level up with a block and delete.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 04:35 PM
21

THIS. My default assumption whenever I hear of breadcrumbers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 04:25 PM
114

“The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist” by Debbie Mirza will validate that it was intentional “crazymaking” behavior. Hugs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 02:01 PM
9

Absolutely. Too many are looking for stepmommy bangmaid forever girlfriends to triangulate with the ex wife. Could never be me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 11:07 AM
18

Marilyn’s ex’s graveside rose schtick after abusing her?!? 🤯 My god if that isn’t the perfect example of fuckupedness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 01:07 PM
1

Yup. This book’s got an extra sad and cringey association for me because a childhood friend of mine recently got snookered by a narc into moving out of state & becoming a careerless forever gf/stepmommy bangmaid version of herself. My naive PickMe friend then posted a pic of this book shortly after giving up on all of her dreams to become this dude’s mule, really thinking she’s found the cheat code to not getting played by a 50/50 father who doesn’t want to raise his own kids. Instead of this bo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/21 07:33 PM
21

🎯 Yes!!🏆 Chump Lady is like 🤌💋!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/21 02:17 AM
17

Thank you for the link to Chump Lady, sis. 💙
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/21 11:58 PM
54

Thank you, sis! Yes, totally agree there certainly are cases where there aren’t always super clear red flags to have been spotted, and it’s frankly a cope to suggest otherwise. FDS Handbook works, but no woman should be blamed for not being clairvoyant. Well said, sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/21 11:40 PM
124

My sense is he’s in the middle of an affair with someone at his medical residency/school, and the affair partner stepped back from him for being a new father (this is a thing among adulterous assholes, like they feel some type of weird way for fucking around with a married father of a newborn.) Covert/sociopathic type of guy in this case, wears a good “pillar of the community” type of mask, and the woman had low-ish expectations as to real reciprocity from a husband. Like he sounds directly out …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/21 09:41 PM
10

Agreed. Some background on the real life story. Deb’s family of origin raised her with the example of choosing to side with murderous psychopathic male partners over their own female children. Prosecutors on the case of Deb’s murdered sister (see LA Times story here) were totally aghast that Deb’s mom demanded to testify in her daughter’s murderer’s defense. So Deb still didn’t learn until after 4 marriages and middle age that what is actually normal & healthy is to protect your own children, an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 02:09 PM
21

Alex’s dad Hank was a super duper covert dry drunk asshole, and a master of triangulation. I feel like a lot of reviews have focused the blame so much on Alex’s mentally ill mom, when it’s Hank who in many ways screwed Alex over more. (Spoiler) Especially what Hank refused to do for Alex over lunch near the end of the series. Fuck that guy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 03:15 PM
6

Well done getting away from the narc and for figuring out you were trauma-bonded. 💜 It’s super hard, and I feel like sometimes even mentioning these dynamics to people still in the clutch of the terrible trauma bond can definitely cause them to lash out at us and accuse us of judging them. They really resist ideas like going No Contact (or going low contact/yellow rock over parenting software/email only, if they have young kids with the narc) when they are actively caught up in the trauma bond w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 03:07 PM
16

Too true, her name is never on the deed, sis. Age & life experience gaps like that are inherently abusive. Bullet dodged!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 02:41 PM
11

Yup. First wife is often high in traits of Agreeableness and Conscientiousness (think MacKenzie Scott Bezos, Maria Schriver Schwarzenegger, Melinda Gates) a fantastic mother, social secretary and humanitarian who builds him. Second Wife/side piece/‘One Who Got Away’ is often a baddie with a past, hardcore hobbies, maybe some Cluster B tendencies thrown in there and/or is just a complete ‘whoa dude really cheated down!’ type of PickMe. From one extreme to another these dudes go in a downward spir…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 12:47 PM
1

Right! Women are socialized from a young age to want the fairytale white wedding/dad walking her down the aisle dream, plus the vaunted social cache of being a wife, plus some feel they need to be properly married to procreate legitimately. Fun to be a bride, hell to be a wife, but society has sold folks a lie. In many other areas of Western life, we’re also told to strive for things that really won’t make many of us authentically happy - the big house, corporate job, owning a boat, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/21 01:09 PM
5

Amen and well said! 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/21 12:23 AM
63

“...his balls stink, he drank all the Minute Maid Fruit Punch and put the carton back in the fridge...” 😭🤣😆 I’m deceased!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 11:59 PM
4

Please let her know and provide the screenshots etc as proof. Thanks to the amazing Chump Lady, I always tell on fucking cheaters.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 02:49 AM
18

Brilliant summation!! 💯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 06:53 PM
54

What a messed up asshole. Lowkey calling you a sex worker for thinking of living with him, or something?? “Sugar baby” out of nowhere like that is actually him telling on himself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 02:10 PM
12

I came here to say this— “Gift of Fear” by Gavin deBecker is an actual lifesaver.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 05:41 PM
7

“The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker - please read the chapters on how to stay safe from a stalker. Hugs to you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 05:40 PM
11

💯 block, delete. Work on the part of yourself that keeps associating with people who actively reject you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 03:04 PM
10

Yup. Kim trying to take the CA “baby bar” exam is an example of how she wants to go legit her own way for a change. Good for her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 02:42 PM
3

Exactly! Your last line is brilliant. 💜
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 02:22 PM
8

Congrats on escaping that! Chump Lady’s blog has a lot of stories like yours of husbands on the down low who do all matter of disgusting acts risking your health like that. Hugs!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 02:14 PM
11

Hugs, sis. When this exact thing happened to my bestie, we later found out he was married AND had a secret family on the side with a 3rd woman, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 02:07 PM
3

Totally agree! We have to set loving boundaries with friends who make the same mistakes over and over and over again. Then change the subject.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 02:03 PM
3

“A while” can even be as long as 20-40+ years - little known fact. There are fake loving husbands that do this mask-wearing shit for decades. (See: Runaway Husbands by Vikki Stark.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 01:40 PM
2

This is great food for thought. With the psychologically dangerous cluster b types, being overtly a diva babe in total control of herself no sociopath would want to mess with (think of blunt Enneagram 8s) often still does make them run away before we figure out what they are, because they see how they can’t defraud you— you’d be a hard target. Predators tend to select easier prey who’ve never been taught to look out for lovebombing, family signs of attachment disorder etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 01:36 PM
1

This is excellent advice. Respond to phone calls only. I love it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 07:13 PM
37

The bf I had for 4 years in the 90s from ages 17-21 was one of the more charming covert toxic mf’ers I ever knew. Maybe the legit most dangerous. Everyone loved the guy, too. I shudder to think of the harm that’s probably been done to whatever woman he eventually married. Edit: dating the same man for over 2 years starting in our teens is WASTED TIME. Period.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 12:17 PM
9

Love it, very well said! 💕Time for your own self, values, dreams, getting our affairs in order, I agree that leads to true joy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 12:58 PM
7

“COVID didn’t stop him from marrying her, HE did.” Amen! If he wanted to, he would have. It’s only downhill devaluing from here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 01:45 AM
4

Absolutely dump on the first lie. I had maybe 9 dates with a dude who made up a story of a girlfriend from his teen years who had died in a car accident abroad, just a stupid sympathy ploy. The man got off on duper’s delight over petty lies like that. Eventually, two wives fled from his home where they each had two small children with him, and each wife divorced him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 01:33 AM
10

FIVE KIDS! This is his 2nd marriage🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 12:18 AM
14

Love to see this!!! It’s clear you have a high deserve level and are doing the self-work correctly! 😍 Brava!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 08:25 PM
10

Right! Amen! It’s like “Sorry (my friend who complains but refuses to act) you cannot handle the truth that your self-esteem needs to level up and you need to get a lot more going on in your life!” — those are the things you can control, not what a man does or does not do. Stop volunteering for this garbage neglect. It’s better to go! Period.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 08:03 PM
18

Amen! I’ve encouraged several friends to divorce, and when asked, I’m extremely blunt and to the point. “Why are you afraid to take the logical next step here and leave?”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 08:01 PM
121

Yup. That Sunk Costs Fallacy is hard for folks who are intensely relationship focused and don’t have much else going on in their lives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 01:43 PM
241

Couldn’t read that entire wall of tiny text, but got a few lines in and saw “fiancé” in a “7-year-relationship” and they “live together” and suddenly he’s “on his phone a lot” and she found his Instagram he’d been keeping a complete secret from her, his damn fiancée! IT’S NOT SNOOPING, IT’S DISCOVERY. She discovered she’s living with a cheating secret life dude... and yet she basically blames herself for finding out and getting concrete proof. My god. Break it off. Goodbye.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 12:27 PM
36

Damn! That’s an amazing adage. Absolutely savage and I love it😉!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 11:32 AM
152

It’s an old excuse: “Man works from sun to sun, but a Woman’s work is never done.” 😫
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 11:20 AM
23

A hardworking 21-year-old with her best life ahead of her! Block and delete. Be free!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 07:13 PM
111

Covid brings ALL the old freaks out of the damn woodwork. Folks we knew before blocking tech even existed. 😂🤣😵
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 03:32 PM
30

Agreed! Silent treatments in a family setting are a form of abuse. Hugs to you, Cluster B abusers use this tactic all the time and it is disgusting that it’s become normalized anywhere as a way to treat a very young child.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 01:32 PM
76

Omg. She had sex with him after he said that. How the F doesn’t she see that as a major insult?? The self-esteem is lacking, and this LVM took full advantage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 07:33 PM
24

Yup, it’s all batshit. Chump Lady had similar thoughts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 05:39 PM
45

Match is telling on itself! Like a Surgeon General’s warning. 😵
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 05:34 PM
9

🥇I’m saving your excellent comment. Reminds me of that book title “The Body Keeps the Score” by van der Kolk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 03:15 PM
11

I know everytime I have suspected fuckery... it was actual fuckery!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 03:13 PM
10

THIS!! Excellent book and safety tips for life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 03:12 PM
12

Amen! It’s all about honing our intuition, and not waiting for any confirmatory words from a dude about what we already intuitively know to be true. Timely post, as I was just advising a young woman in one of the relationshit subs who was complaining about getting ghosted by her “boyfriend” (lovebombing Tinder sex partner of ~26 days) who monkey branched her. Here’s me on what trusting our intuition really looks like: “...The first “sign” seems to have been that Sunday the day after you had sex …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 03:09 PM
17

Yup! Confusion equals time to block.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 02:57 PM
14

Block like LEGO. A bad person wants to hit it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 02:55 PM
12

You are not alone! 💖Happy 2021! 💗
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 02:53 PM
21

“Kounseling” 🤣🤣 I’m with Chump Lady’s take that the Reconciliation Industrial Complex (RIC) is actively harmful to people. Don’t go to counseling with an abuser.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 09:31 PM
38

😂😂😆 omg that’s nuts! Mere weeks together and they require professional intervention instead of Breaking The Hell Up like normal people 🤣🤣🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 09:27 PM
2

Eh, yeah for people in improv or comedy or acting-adjacent fields and/or for women coming out of marriages. There were some good nuggets like this, and she wrote well about divorce with kids.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 09:17 PM
22

The accurate description of what happens when we level up! We’ve grown & changed. Amy Poehler talks in her book about getting to a point in life where we’re most at home with the people who can swim in the proverbial deep end of the pool with us. 💜
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 09:12 PM
2

🤣😆😵 Too funny!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 07:20 PM
35

Wise words, this is really good advice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 08:38 PM
19

Misery likes company? You don’t have the same mother, and I get the sense something is disordered in the personality (like borderline personality disorder could be at play here?) of your half sister here. She sounds bizarrely pressuring, like she’s trying to alienate you from your mom who sounds like she’s been a good and loving mom to you and raised you right. Try not to interact with your half-sister as much. That’s not a person to emulate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 07:35 PM
7

Exactly. It takes time to make sure his actions always match his words. It can take years to make sure he wasn’t just lovebombing you at the outset. Always have an exit strategy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 07:16 PM
35

Wisdom and strength right there. Admirable mindset to be PRO well-being versus being “anti-aging.” Great way to frame it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 07:12 PM
90

Their cognitive dissonance about the crappy dudes they’ve hitched themselves to is unreal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 07:07 PM
19

Yup. The woman and their male lawyer warned the authorities about this guy. My friend said the 9-1-1 system was down for days after the bombing, and was just restored yesterday to one of the adjacent counties to Nashville. This fuckwit has harmed ::many:: people even though no bystanders were killed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 04:50 PM
13

😂😂 omg FACTS!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 04:38 PM
2

It’s a fantastic comment, sis! Thank you!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 03:57 PM
6

Amen! Living Apart Together is the only deal I’d accept at my stage of life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 04:32 PM
9

Nothing but FACTS! 💕💕💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 04:26 PM
15

What a wonderful father you had!!! Love this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 04:24 PM
2

Great dad! And if a parent is paying for their minor child and her boyfriend to stay in their home and chauffeuring them around then YES that parent gets to SPEAK their mind about all of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 04:19 PM
29

THIS is what I came here to say. Projecting his disorder on to you since he lost control of you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 04:13 PM
375

He didn’t remember where you, his girlfriend of over one year, is about to move? Da Fuq???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 04:10 PM
21

Agreed, great list. Also you want someone stable. Not a ton of big moves and rapid job changes (unless ya’ll are still young 20s where that’s more normative.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 03:24 AM
116

Forever girlfriend who functions like a stepmom appliance is the worst deal ever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 02:18 AM
66

Snip, snip! 🤣 Much faster than photoshopping him out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 11:44 AM
11

Please tell me this is a comedy act or some type of performance art.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 11:42 AM
26

That “guy who seems way too into random women friends” is such a covert gaslighty little asshole, everytime, too. 🙄 Annoying AF.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 10:31 AM
10

Well done! Something tells me you are going to feel 100% ready to walk away and will keep your dignity, Queen. 💗
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 10:24 AM
15

I agree with her completely, and am raising my own children with this philosophy (college is for buckling down on learning and setting up for post-college and life; make good friends there and then wait and see who develops into solid adults). She looks so fabulous in the photo!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 10:20 AM
33

Big Mood as we slide towards the end of 2020!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 07:48 PM
78

Most of us should never, ever marry the boy we dated when we were 20. And obviously no self-respecting woman would ever propose to a man who had been using her for half a damn decade and was so PAINFULLY not in love with her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 07:47 PM
8

Amen!! 💗 Well done getting you & yours out of there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 06:21 PM
58

I’ve noticed it, definitely. It’s bizarre how, within the first two years of being married, several long term cohabiting couples I know randomly just divorced. Made me think marriage somehow dropped the man’s mask, and/or there was some kind of terrible misalignment of unspoken expectations there. It also kind of screams either unplanned pregnancy or shut up commitment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 06:19 PM
19

I have hope that someday, years from now, cultural scholars will look back on flagrant misogyny entertainment “texts,” such as this show, and from their enlightened future vantage point, our current times will seem like the beginning of the end of the Bad Old Days.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 06:14 PM
5

Omg triangulating you with his dog! Him telling his DOG he loved them right in front of you, while refusing to extend you the same affection!?? Bullet dodged. Majorly. He sounds disordered, and like an epic lowkey mindfucking psychological abuser.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 02:28 PM
10

Polly is so right that sometimes we just want the freedom to say what tf we mean. And to leave our projects strewn about. Stuff like this and these societal expectations is actually why I stay single: no self-editing to mAkE a RelATiOnsHiTt wOrk or whatever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 01:38 AM
46

“When I look back I cannot remember a single time I felt happy and relaxed with him.” That’s a profound way to evaluate! 🏆I love this insight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 12:35 PM
104

“Being on breakingmom is a loss” 😂😂🤣 Amen!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 12:25 PM
9

“Weeooo weeoo, that’s the sound of the ambulance that’s on its way to take me to my special padded room!” 🤣😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 02:00 AM
16

Rupi Kaur, what a Queen - cannot wait to receive her newest book of poetry. 💗
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 01:57 AM
43

Exactly, as if Mr. Passive Aggressive even knows what the hell he wants anyway. Hope she doesn’t wait until March to GTFO.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 01:56 AM
13

Hope she finds Chump Lady ASAP: “leave a cheater, gain a life!” 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 03:52 PM
7

Awesome! 💗 The perfect self-love & care pandemic date night!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 08:13 PM
16

The sign didn’t lie. 😆 Don’t mess with Texas.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 08:08 PM
54

It took getting older and raising kids myself to be able to see how so many women in life delude themselves into thinking they are happy in their marriages and/or LTRs. We have all been fed so many societal lies. The peer-reviewed research couldn’t be clearer that marriage makes women less happy than being single, and stepmothers are the least happy people of all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 08:05 PM
6

Amen. My covert borderline mom always loudly sides with anyone who mistreats me. That’s how I eventually figured her out - that shit was her pattern, not a coincidence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 03:22 PM
6

Good for you for having such amazing boundaries! Covert disordered/cluster b people like that are the worst. Your mom sounds a lot like mine who is a covert borderline. Very few people who have not lived this seem able to grasp that there often is NO warning at all, nor any red flags to speak of. That’s the covert abusive mindfuck of it all. Hugs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 03:15 PM
43

Avoid all male surgeons.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 02:11 PM
9

Yup, that’s the truth. Dump at the first sign of flakery.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 02:03 PM
43

Ugh! The childish sulking during Life Events for Grownups is way too normalized.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 01:48 PM
36

Good for you to call the whole thing off and swiftly block/delete. 🏆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 12:57 PM
31

Love this, thank you!! My dad was amazing, and like yours he also used to let me win at board games and chess when I was very young. He is a very positive, fun person to be around, and he keeps a very clean home, car, and tight yard. There’s no end to the thoughtful compliments he gives me and my mom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 10:43 PM
4

Good for you, that’s a great standard to have!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 05:27 PM
15

Brilliant post, thank you. I will never raise any kids over whom I have ZERO actual parenting rights. A lot of stepparents get the rug completely pulled out from under them when the relationship ends, and the kids they helped raise ghost them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 05:25 PM
17

Who’s down with SBC? Every last lady☺️!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 12:02 AM
8

Exactly! Codependency with a cluster b abuser is a myth. The survivors actually experience Trauma Bonding and NONE OF IT is the survivor’s fault! "Abused persons are not co-dependent," writes Lundy Bancroft, "It is the abusers, not victims, who create abusive relationships." Also, if a survivor ever goes to a therapist who mentions “hurr hurr co-dependency,” instead of “you’ve experienced trauma, and this is trauma bonding” — fire that therapist because they are telling on themselves that they’r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 03:06 PM
8

Thank you and UGH #4 is SO TRUE!! These are often the same “friends” who will not hesitate to “dIAgNOsE” the victim as “cODEpeNdEnT”... a term invented by someone with a high school diploma which has since been discredited by Lundy Bancroft, Sandra L. Brown and many other actual experts in the speciality of cluster b abuse dynamics.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 02:44 PM
14

I hear you, yes, relative to PickMe norms she is advocating for some kind of justice here, and isn’t taking shit lying down. Money damages would be the better legal remedy than marriage!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 03:40 AM
33

Hugs, sis! That sounds like it was a crazymaking situation. I’d be shocked if anyone comes out of a toxic relationship like that without having experienced major betrayal trauma. So I would suggest booking some sessions with a trauma-informed therapist, and perhaps getting some EMDR. 💜
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 12:28 AM
561

It’s just straight up con artistry the way he’s balking at her prenup. That woman is about to get played so bad into raising the man’s young children, over whom she’ll have ZERO parenting rights but all the economic downside, and basically screwing her own daughter out of her inheritance. Terrible deal. Run!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 12:21 PM
75

Reminder: Stepmoms are the #1 UNHAPPIEST cohort of women, according to the peer-reviewed research. How horrible to have to worry about a divorced dad’s icky lack of boundaries.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 11:34 AM
6

Absolutely! An ex asked me to move into his house of 20+ years, where two prior exes of his had also lived. Hell no!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 11:23 AM
10

Same, sis. 💕 Had to let another one go recently, and it was hard but also the exact right call.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 10:24 AM
8

“Are you ABSOLUTELY sure you want to be married to this prize?” 🤣🤣Dear Abby with the correct brand of shade! Love it!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 06:13 PM
11

Awesome!! Well done raising a caring young man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 06:11 PM
139

“Disrespect is never a resolvable issue.” AMEN!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 04:29 PM
47

“It’s making me wonder if my dad was cheating on my mom” ... of course he was. Now he’s trying to snooker him into thinking this a brand-new relationship at a time when he is grieving a profound loss. That poor little boy. My god. Edits: child’s pronouns
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 04:24 PM
12

“Smart, funny, blah blah blah” made me chuckle in recognition, sis. 💕 Well done.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 04:16 PM
78

It’s like seeing the world with new eyes. Never again will we mistake life for a Disney movie or rom com.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 03:59 PM
23

What a horrible man, I’m so sorry to hear this. Hope you are feeling better & wishing you a strong recovery! 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 02:59 PM
10

Yup, he wanted a nurse with a purse, basically.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 12:12 PM
4

🍋!!! Amen, well said. These salesmen are gross AF.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 02:05 PM
9

Absolutely. This was all about his ego and triangulation with random strangers for “what a great guy!” kudos when he’s in fact just a garden variety attention whore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 01:26 PM
135

It’s actually “discovery,” not “snooping.” Their phone is always fair game.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 01:34 PM
79

There were no red flags. It’s a bit of a myth that there always are (see also the Just-World hypothesis).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 06:55 PM
12

Amen! The actions tell the story.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 04:42 PM
115

Exactly. My bff’s husband is in this demographic and only showed his true colors 15 years into the relationship, during her 3rd pregnancy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 04:29 PM
13

Terrible advice he’s serving. Other entitled men just want the conquest, and don’t have these particular deep seated issues. How fucked up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 04:23 PM
1

Same! This is absolutely spot-on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 11:26 AM
1

Thanks for sharing that! Blended family 2nd marriages often don’t get props for sometimes being great. But it sounds like you identified the ones that certainly are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 11:03 PM
5

Well done filing and getting away from him. There is nothing to work with there, nothing more to discuss. I wish you health and healing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 08:35 PM
67

Yes. “The friend to everyone is the friend to no one” is a popular saying for a reason: they are fake nice without deep ties or real loyalty. All my friends now are HVW with healthy boundaries who don’t take shit lying down, from anyone. My old PickMe friends had to be escorted out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 08:16 PM
4

Amen!! Absolute damn truth right there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 06:18 PM
107

Whenever a boyfriend/husband turns on you seemingly out of nowhere like that, and then apropos of nothing suddenly acts cold and distant towards you? It’s because he has a new victim lined up and is finally ready to discard and replace you. Covert narcissists can take YEARS to detect, and seem like stereotypical “good guys.” Hugs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 04:00 PM
24

Yes, he ::should:: just be honest. However, having power and control of her and getting off on her displeasure; causing her to “lose” this power struggle he is passive-aggressively instigating, IS his likely true goal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 03:44 PM
30

Her approach should be normalized. It’s a sign things are very wrong with how we value women in society that this is such a novel concept for folks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 03:10 PM
8

Truth! “Remember that women are in situationships where men are holding their hand, having a baby with them, moving in together and still don’t want to get married or be genuinely serious. Same principle.” OMG yes, sis, and this shit is becoming more and more normalized! That shitty Netflix show VIRGIN RIVER (#1 in the US rn) features an alcoholic LVM pulling this on a gorgeous forever girlfriend while he goes after a different lady he “looooves.” PickMe theater to the max.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 09:53 AM
22

MeN lIkE iT wHeN WoMeN aSk ThEM oUT
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 09:09 AM
25

Travel and complete your formal education. Don’t even think about doing anything even remotely resembling any type of wifey shit until your 25th birthday has come and gone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 09:06 AM
17

Moody men are the worst. Ugh, never again!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 08:50 AM
35

Excellent links, thank you so much. From the 1st link: “the risk of intimate partner homicide is considerably elevated for couples with a large discrepancy between their ages-where the man is at least 16 years older than the woman or the woman is at least 10 years older than the man. This risk pattern occurs regardless of whether the man or the woman was the homicide offender.” INTERESTING.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 08:35 AM
37

Absolutely! Reminds me of a great book for trauma survivors: “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk. Glad you are well away now from the vomit-inducing LVM!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 08:17 AM
7

Amen!!! The truth is almost always right there in his phone, and it’s chumpy not to verify.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 04:29 PM
12

There’s nothing wrong with “snooping” — some call it “discovery.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 04:03 PM
27

Hi. 🙄 GoOd mOrNinG 🙄🙄 WHat’S uP? 🙄🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 02:12 PM
24

Both are bad, but broken engagements arguably involve greater economic losses. “Forever” anything is terrible with a man who devalues you. Broken engagements involve many nonrefundable deposits, likely pressure to return a ring, and the opportunity costs of all the other things she could’ve invested in instead of wasting time on crap like searching for venues and picking out invitations etc. Wedding are an addictive drug, I guess! The wedding industrial complex definitely knows how to take peopl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 10:53 AM
19

Why do so many women feel bad in relationships with men, without being able to say why? Yes, absolutely, that is THE question! The spot-on stuff about strategic male moodiness, and men being generally passive aggressive, feigning incompetence with work they want to get out of, and being non-reciprocal caretakers when the woman is sick, and compelling women to care for stepchildren and in-laws... and, and ALL the behaviors FDS continually calls out - I mean, BOOM! Yes, that is like a shit list of…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 10:32 AM
230

Marriage is one hell of a drug for some folks out there is all I’ve got to explain “marrying” a known cheater in the most meaningless, casual “ceremony” possible. He is literally not even trying hard to hide his cheating at this point. Damn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 09:25 AM
37

“I don’t understand how who I hang with affects you.” The fuck?? She is too gaslighty with that shit to be any type of real and true friend. I’ve had to friend dump the same type of lowkey two-faced, totally devaluing of my time, life energy-sucking “friend.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 09:23 AM
24

What a manipulative asshole that guy is, broadcasting his shit all over social media like that. “Hurr durr being a cheap azzz and playing muh forever girlfriend for a damn fool is the REAL TRUE non-Proofy Mc PrOoF prOof type of rEaL lOvE, ya’ll!” 🙄🙄🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 08:46 AM
62

He’s not that deep, and has found himself another sucker who is willing to be his girlfriend appliance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 08:41 AM
36

Seeing that he is a cluster b is huge! So many people take decades to see the forest for the trees and to understand they are incapable of ever sustaining any positive change. Here’s hoping you can get those ducks lined up and divorce him as safely as possible. 💕 Hugs to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 08:38 AM
34

Completely true. Dudes who do a complete 180 on people, pets, friends, family, hobbies and/or things they used to love will absolutely be fully capable of someday discarding their romantic partners, and even their own children, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 02:03 AM
18

Club Goblin!! 🤣omg I frikken LOVE this!! Where do I sign up?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 01:54 AM
167

“Don’t waste your time on big talkers” = so true. Dump him on his first undelivered promise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 10:36 PM
11

I second that book recommendation! My mom sounds similar. I suspect she has some sort of attachment disorder from being neglected, then abandoned, then reunited with her untreated mentally ill mother during her infancy on into some critical developmental periods in her early life. She is an ice queen to the max, abusive wife to my father, has never had my back, and I basically cut her loose after a couple of big betrayals in my 30s. It sucks, but you are definitely not alone. Hugs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 08:41 PM
11

Well said. I always make fun of married guys who out themselves as disloyal asshole husbands like this. People notice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 08:36 PM
3

Congrats on prioritizing yourself and your understandable need for some consistency! That is really amazing, and something to be extremely proud of, sis. 💕 I wish I had been able to do what you did MUCH sooner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 08:17 PM
166

He’s grooming the 15-year-old child. Inappropriate gift giving like that is one of the textbook signs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 06:05 PM
8

“My life is hectic/busy” syndrome - yes, that’s always the kiss of death, when I wish I had a time machine so I could go back to that first “I’Ve jUsT bEeN sOoO bUsY” moment and block/delete his ass immediately!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 05:58 PM
10

I love this: “you HAVE grown and you ARE doing the work correctly.” Amen! 💗
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 05:51 PM
24

Ha ha! Married to her 2nd serious relationship and giving YOU dating advice? Lol 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 04:46 PM
22

🚫👻‼️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 04:26 PM
16

“I’ve been busy.” NOPE! Bye.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 04:24 PM
66

Fantastic book and great quotes, thank you! Damn, he is totally right that our culture’s cruelest rule is women are not allowed to decide who will be in their lives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 04:15 PM
120

The issue is he is awkward, cheap, and lost you. Also your sister is a PickMe, stop taking her advice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 04:06 PM
11

Fuck Dr. Seuss for messing this woman up as a child.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 03:21 PM
54

You’re a ::genius:: for recognizing his lovebombing, bait and switch pattern after only TWO short months. You left when he lied about being “busy” (nobody ever really is when they are real, it’s about priorities.) Hooray! Celebrate that, because it’s actually hard to spot so quickly like you did. Most of us get even more of our time wasted by fakers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 03:16 PM
62

Absolutely: REAL ENTHUSIASM was the goal. This was a sad pantomime of that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 01:32 PM
81

Send it to her, never to him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 01:30 PM
48

Well done choosing yourself, blocking/deleting the lazy, low effort, noncommittal dude, and finally making some room for healthy female friends to enter your life! 🏆Love to read this!! 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 01:28 PM
4

Yup. I just dropped my gay “friend” for taking the side of an actual convicted batterer who had blinded a woman friend of ours in one of her eyes. She wanted to warn his new female partner, but my former gay friend was suddenly overly “cOnCeRnEd” for this abuser’s reputation when I and other women in the survivor’s life suggested we tell people what he did and start showing them the court papers... which are ::public records::. Point? That male “friend” definitely had to go ASAP, vamoosh out of …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 11:26 AM
2

Chiming in super late just to say how your comment absolutely Gives Me LIFE!! 🍿 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 02:13 PM
24

An “11 hour drive to see family” ... holy hell what a couple of assholes. Trash definitely took itself out! Well played trusting yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/20 10:19 PM
1

Yes! Chump Lady often talks about the imagined “Cheater Handbook” - there are only so many ways to manipulate a person, and blameshifting is a wildly effective one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 05:57 PM
1

Ah yes, the mentionitis that afflicts cheating males everywhere. Ugh. Glad you are outta there. I, too, recognize the symptoms now and run far, far away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 05:52 PM
3

This. You nailed it all completely. 💞 Amen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 05:29 PM
2

Good for you for blocking him and putting the focus on your studies. 💖
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 05:25 PM
21

That was fantastic. You are so right about Sandler rom coms, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 04:41 PM
1

Change the named beneficiary on the retirement fund immediately. The named beneficiary on the form with the custodian (i.e. financial corporations like Fidelity, T. Rowe Price) often trumps what’s in the will.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 03:53 PM
5

Fantastic comment, you are completely correct about how we have to vet therapists very carefully. The 3 people I know personally who are Ph.D. therapists have the worst boundaries in their private lives. They let their kids and in-laws run all over them and turn a blind eye to cheaters. The PickMe advice they no doubt give — when pressed by clients after years of “let’s talk about your mother” hiding the ball type of shit — has got to be terrible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 01:00 PM
24

Waste of time to stay with anyone who wouldn’t shout from the rooftops how amazing you are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 08:34 AM
1

You’ve inspired me to block/delete a couple of folks who should’ve reached out at a minimum on my recent birthday. Thank you!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 07:14 PM
12

Only the lowest scum of the earth cheat when their wife is pregnant and/or has an infant. What a sick fuck this husband is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 09:39 AM
3

Kinda in a similar boat recently, and I made some good women friends using Bumble BFF.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 04:55 PM
1

Dr. Ramani. A pdf of Lundy Bancroft’s Why Does He Do That? and have her write down each and every behavior of her NVM’s that she reads in that book. Ultimately, she has to be the one to choose to SEE how he really is, and decide that it’s unacceptable enough for her to want to leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 04:45 PM
7

Covert Narcissist. Not a malignant one. Go look up The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist by Debbie Mirza.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 04:13 PM
3

💕 I’m 44. Great job knowing your worth and divorcing your abuser! Glad you have FDS in your corner so you won’t make the rookie divorced Queen mistake of repartnering too quickly with the first okayish man you date. Play the field.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/20 11:01 AM
117

Counseling doesn’t work (in the sense that this woman will ever be genuinely valued in the marriage) when a husband stops wanting to fuck his wife. This false hope that counseling will help is called “Wreck-conciliation,” as in the “Reconciliation Industrial Complex” because it is a system that preys on the hopes of people to sAVE tHe MaRrIaGE! As if marriages are more valuable than the woman in it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 11:23 AM
22

Moving long distance for a man is a gigantic risk financially, emotionally, and psychologically. Society totally downplays this risk to women, and a woman moving for some dude she met online has become way too normalized. And let’s not forget that abusive age gaps and long distance are two of the biggest red flags of all. Relatedly, I know a 47-year-old divorced mom of 2 adolescent girls who moved them 2 hours away from their hometown, to be a Forever Girlfriend to her 63-year-old twice divorced…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 10:49 AM
28

Men can’t give women effective dating advice at fucking all. Period.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 10:39 AM
195

Praying she doesn’t hang around much longer in that lost cause marriage just to be used as this prick’s wife and mom appliance. Plot twist I’m hoping for: she surprises him with divorce papers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 10:29 AM
8

Love it. Who is the artist, please?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 02:16 PM
7

Well said and spot on! I’ve known of tons of accidental pregnancies amongst women ages 40 and up. Incidentally, Tina Fey has referred to this phenomenon as a “change of life baby” - and she herself both was one and has had kids into her 40s.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 10:07 AM
30

Total Queen! 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 09:57 AM
6

EXACTLY! Block/delete is the most radically direct move ever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 09:46 AM
5

These are fantastic! 👏👏👏💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 09:31 AM
59

This “mom is the mule” schtick is normalized abuse. We were not meant to raise babies all alone separate from other family and social supports like this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 09:09 AM
58

Her ex husband of 25 years her senior was an Abusive Age Gap for damn sure. Glad she has long since gotten outta there and has built such a great life for her and her child.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 09:05 PM
13

Ok this made me howl! 🤣😂 Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 06:36 PM
5

Correct! I know a 47-year-old divorced mom of 2 adolescent girls who moved them 2 hours away from their hometown, to be a Forever Girlfriend to her 63-year-old twice divorced scrote of a long distance/met online boyfriend’s neighborhood, to the home right across the street, and enrolling them in the exclusive private school his youngest son attends, where he’s on the board. This gross old man was still married to a so-called “Crazy 2nd Ex Wife” when they got together, and actually his divorce ap…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 06:23 PM
1

Truth! And extremely well said, all of it. 🏆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 06:11 PM
35

Fantastic post and analysis of con artistry! 🥇
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 02:49 PM
4

Sold it to relocate when she got remarried to Chris, and presumably used the home sale proceeds to fund the purchase of their marital residence in CO.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 02:42 PM
12

Even licensed therapists have trouble discerning a lovebombing cluster b from a genuine suitor, unfortunately. Time and your gut intuition will hopefully tell you. Also his past behavior is revelatory, to the extent it’s not something he is able to keep hidden from you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 02:11 PM
3

Amen! Sometimes in cases like this there simply are no meaningful red flags to be acted upon in time. We can never be sure. And that’s never the victim’s fault.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 01:53 PM
4

I watched it, and learned some new details about the case, including the fact she’d been divorced from an abusive man prior to Chris pursuing her. It’s common to end up with another type of abuser (the younger, the less therapy the survivor has had access to, and repartnering fairly quickly the more likely that becomes), and psychopaths are masterful at playing the role of the perfect man so they look amazing compared to a woman’s past partners. Chris’s red flags were so subtle they were only me…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 01:43 PM
17

Exactly. It’s common to end up with another type of abuser (the younger, the less therapy the survivor has had access to, and repartnering fairly quickly the more likely that becomes), and psychopaths are masterful at playing the role of the perfect man so they look amazing compared to a woman’s past partners. Ugh. Abuse dynamics are horrible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 01:24 PM
48

Exactly. “Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men” by Lundy Bancroft is a must-read for women. It gives us the abuser’s playbook so we can spot red flags like this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 12:11 PM
193

He sounds like a textbook sociopath, always subtly grooming his next victims, but high IQ enough to know exactly which lines not to cross yet, so as to avoid the appearance of impropriety. Manipulation, triangulation, devaluing his female partner unbeknownst to her of course, pushing workplace boundaries with young female subordinates etc etc. Textbook tactics. Couple of resources on this. BOOKS: “Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men” by Lundy Bancroft. “The Sociopa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 12:06 PM
13

Great list. I wonder if she was genuinely “bossy” (misogynist overtones to that term) or if Chris had gaslighted her into thinking negatively about her ambition and assertiveness, where he himself had none of those qualities. Also loved how the police interrogators called him out for losing a bunch of weight to attract the other woman (at about 32 minutes into the Netflix documentary.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 11:58 AM
15

Yes, and I noticed how she had so much financial success at age 25, owning her own home. And then Chris came and stole and destroyed everything from her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 11:52 AM
276

You’ve eloquently described the subtle tactics of a high IQ cluster b or sociopath. Be very careful and never confront this man. Just stay safe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 11:45 AM
112

There are millions upon millions of men on our planet who aren’t lying to their partner about having young kids with multiple women. This is one of the reddest flags that ever redded!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 11:12 AM
133

[Had sex. He starts losing touch.] She asks “Or should I just message him now?” The answer to the question is always no. And I do mean always.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 11:05 AM
96

High Tea at the Shangri-la Hotel is the only tea we’ll be having. 🏆 Yes, indeed!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 10:59 AM
2

Actually, Dan Broderick was the president of the San Diego bar association and had conflicted out every divorce lawyer in San Diego county, so Betty couldn’t hire anyone local. Not so easy to “lawyer up” when no one would take her case and she had no money to pay for one. This is part and parcel of “abuse through the legal system” and “financial abuse.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 10:10 AM
10

In addition to his coworker Other Woman, Chris Watts also had an Other Man, for whom he purchased lip injections. The documentary completely left out any mention of his Other Man. Source. Edit: Correction- this was a false allegation against Chris. Thanks for clearing this up, FDS!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 02:54 AM
-8

Hold up, no need to defame and victim blame [edit: NAME] of all people, whose own personal narrative bears no similarity whatsoever to the foregoing post. You’ve seriously misrepresented the content of her blog and have minimized the financial abuse she suffered at the hands of her financier former husband, who dissipated marital assets and committed fraudulent abuses for which at some point, she could no longer afford to defend herself. Meanwhile, he had infinite funds to abuse her through the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 06:16 PM
4

🗑♻️!!!! You are awesome!!! 😂💓
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 06:01 PM
20

That’s amazing you found out the truth of him abusing her, and crucially, you believed her and were able to change your initial negative view of her. That’s rare in our misogynistic society. What convinced you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 10:54 AM
5

Hugs, I fukken hate cheaters. Chump Lady is the resource I always recommend to anyone in that boat. Looking forward to your post about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 10:48 AM
17

Damn, sis! I’m so glad you can laugh about it now, what an epic fuckwit you’re thankfully now divorced from! I love your Queen energy in finding the humor in it. 👏❤️🏆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 09:59 AM
88

You’ve spotted the Abusive Age Gap red flag, and it’s gross to see.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 09:17 AM
28

Yes. Cheating is abuse. And it takes thousands of lies, omissions, paltering, gaslighting, and word salad to commit infidelity abuse. Ugh, fukken cheaters are the worst.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 11:08 AM
107

“I would advise you to consider ‘prepping’ for a new man.” 🤣😂🏆 Too True!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 11:05 AM
16

This👏is👏the👏TRUTH!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 12:11 AM
13

Yup! Here’s Chump Lady on The ‘Bitch Be Crazy’ Red Flag. Also those poor kids are going to be blindsided with suddenly being in their dad’s wedding? Da fuq???!!! 😳
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 10:59 PM
62

A lot of highly intelligent women never learned to spot and act on red flags for cluster b’s and sociopaths. There is also a lot of internalized misogyny in society that urges women to fall for triangulation tactics that cast their partner’s exes in a negative light... “she’s just bitter!”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 10:36 PM
10

Don’t second guess yourself. Next him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 10:53 AM
2

Amen! You are very wise and know how to protect yourself. I agree “forever girlfriend” can, in some cases, particularly with wealthy career women who are not on any type of reproductive timeline, be a very sound strategy to avoid financial abuse and getting wiped out by a con artist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 10:38 AM
7

BOOKS: “Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men” by Lundy Bancroft. “The Sociopath Next Door” and “Outsmarting the Sociopath Next Door” by Martha Stout. YOUTUBE: Lovefraud Lessons YouTube channel Dr. Ramani’s YouTube channel
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 10:00 AM
51

Dump him on the first lie. Abusers show themselves as liars first, usually about small things. Example: abuser I once dated lied on our first date about his ex’s occupation, saying it was the same as my own. An odd lie, about a random thing, that ultimately predicted a lot of his problems down the line.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 11:18 PM
94

Honestly, a spouse can reveal themselves to be an abuser at literally any point in a marriage - sometimes not until the wife is in her 50s or 60s. Recall that abuse also comes in many subtle forms, including financial and psychological. What you want to watch out for is any lie, no matter how small, and a sense of entitlement. Also read up on personality disorders and sociopaths.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 07:34 PM
4

Amen! 💕 This is an amazing song!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 11:49 PM
6

Well done!!! ❤️❤️❤️ Here’s to your new fuckwit-free life!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 11:37 PM
20

Dustin the Dusty!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 05:42 PM
9

This was deep and therapeutic. Loved the jeweler analogy towards the end. Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 05:29 PM
12

She is wise & phenomenal! It really is all about living your values, and keeping the focus on gaining a great life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 05:45 PM
48

Abusers strike when the woman is at her most vulnerable point, such as becoming a mother of a newborn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 01:07 PM
41

Yes! Never give him a second chance to disrespect and devalue you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 01:04 PM
38

Well done!!! You are so right. ❤️ That’s really amazing how you have remained No Contact with a block!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 01:03 PM
67

What in the pickmeeee??? Marriage is such a sunk cost for so many women. I understand it takes, on average, 7 tries to leave an abuser and I feel like a lot of these narratives are actually describing psychological, emotional, and financial abuse at the hands of the cheating/infidelity abusive husbands. Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 09:37 AM
36

It was lovebombing, and what a credit to your discernment skills that you picked up on it so early! Even experienced PhD therapists struggle to be able to do for their clients what you’ve just shown you can do for yourself! 💕 He sucks, and is probably stepping out on his girlfriend(s) and/or wife, who is sick of his shit. Take it as a perverse sort of compliment: he knew you were catching on to his true character vis-a-vis the passes you’d been giving him on his concerning behaviors (and please …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 09:27 AM
15

This!! All of it. 💕 The freedom of waking up randomly in the middle of the night and doing whatever the hell I want is so amazing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 12:31 AM
2

Same!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 12:14 AM
1

Hey, yeah I am on a similar timeline as you re: last seen in November. What helped was randomly discovering he did a couple of pretty terrible things to some people, and this was revealed fairly recently. Re-centering all of your focus back on to yourself and your pursuits is where the healing over this type of stuff is at. ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 12:13 AM
6

Well done deleting him everywheres, and knowing yourself!! ❤️🏆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 03:23 PM
76

You’re not in crazy town. There are PickMes everywhere, society is a gigantic illusion of romantic love cult, and nobody listens to the goddamn research proving women are actually happiest when they are single.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 03:09 AM
47

Correct!! Here’s Chump Lady on sociopathic fake tears.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 07:14 PM
12

Brava!!! You’ve inspired me to never unblock. THE LOVE WITCH is a legit good movie, and if that’s how you do life, then here’s your crown my Queen! 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 05:47 PM
24

Yes, this is the essence of it. She doesn’t alter her entire life around him. Her hobbies, city, friends, family, finances etc remain entirely hers. She always knows exactly where the exits are!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 02:43 PM
2

Well done!!! Chump Lady has a great post on the real meaning.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/20 11:21 PM
32

Yes! Abusers geographically isolate. Some of the worst cases I know of personally have involved a single mom moving her young kids away from family to live with or across the street from her new boyfriend that she met online who is a divorced dad. Often the move is to a more favorable-to-him state for divorce (i.e. away from one of the community property states, and/or one of the fault states for adultery and inappropriate marital conduct.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/20 10:44 PM
5

Fuck that asshole. This ungrateful revisionist history that erases how the woman built the man financially is straight up why Betty Broderick shot her ex husband and his new wife. Lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/20 02:37 PM
3

Yes, and I’ll add that I’ve seen that exact same abusive age gap play out again when the woman is late 30s to late 40s and the man is late 50s to late 60s. Then the grooming and manipulation start happening to both the younger woman and the woman’s daughters.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/09/20 11:50 AM
20

Abusive age gaps is the perfect descriptor!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 10:55 PM
52

Wow! He must have gone through an epic number of victims that they personally witnessed in order to merit them both independently giving you that warning. That’s actually shocking and rare that a predator’s own parents would warn his prey. If their walls could talk!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 07:22 AM
9

This. Exactly!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 04:29 PM
27

Agreed! He had to have done something abusive directly to the child in order to have his rights terminated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 04:03 PM
20

Throw out the whole family. Block, delete the lot of them everywheres. Edit: By “everywheres” I obviously also mean stop allowing the mutual so-called “friends” you may have with any member of that entire toxic family to engage you in any further discussions about them. Get them out of your entire life, mind, and airspace completely. No contact!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 03:41 PM
8

I’m deceased!! 🏆😂🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 11:49 AM
5

The pulling away was the moment. Gotta meet their lack of interest with your absence. You’ve got this!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 10:57 AM
8

“he sort of ghosts me again after I sleep with him for the second time. A while after, he texts me claiming he’s too busy and not looking for anything serious [WITH YOU], thus “not wanting to take advantage...” Now that you’ve read the Handbook, do you see the moment there where you should have ghosted his ass? Block, delete, tell your friends he’s terrible in the sack. 😆 Bye, fuckboi!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 10:10 AM
15

A nurse with a purse! That could never be me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 09:18 AM
14

Well said! This community has likewise helped me make sense of past assholery. 🏆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 02:59 PM
106

If they are about to divorce, it’s possible he has consulted with a divorce lawyer who would have advised him to encourage her to go out and get a job— because that would count against her for alimony and share of the business. A man suddenly demanding his wife go out and get a job when divorce is on the horizon is a huge red flag that he’s already 10 steps ahead of her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 12:23 AM
54

My dad was born during WWII and is a super HVM. He was the homecoming king in college, plays guitar and sings in a band, writes poetry, and has loved my evil ice queen of a mother since she was 22. He does everything at home, and waits on her hand and foot. It’s basically a 40+ year trauma bond keeping him there at this point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 12:14 AM
6

Truth! Great book on seemingly good husbands who suddenly leave, written by a therapist whose own former husband walked out on her (he was secretly having a 6-year affair, and sounded to me like he was a covert narcissist): it’s “Runaway Husbands” by Vikki Stark.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 11:28 PM
48

He’s an abusive, twice-divorced drunk. Good luck with that, next victim.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 06:33 PM
1

Ooh, yes!! This is spot on!!! 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 11:45 PM
27

💯 Also there is a related saying that “The friend to everyone is the friend to no one.” I want people who take the side of RIGHT instead of acting like people pleaser Switzerlands with pathological neutrality. Good people who stand for something WILL make enemies at some point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 05:53 PM
31

Brava! See also ‘Don’t Call It Snooping’ by Chump Lady. “Looking for information that directly affects your own life, and that is unjustly withheld by a dishonest person, is not snooping. It’s discovery. Let’s start calling it that.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 12:28 PM
99

Are you me, sis? 🐊❤️ The old me wrote lots of thoughtful paragraphs and got a 6 word reply after a 3.5 year situationship. 🤡 😆 😂 Only when I blocked and deleted did he want the stupid challenge of trying to get me back. Nope! Lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 07:44 AM
51

Well said! “So violently projecting what she herself feels and assumes onto the world and men” - yes, that is exactly her error in judgment here. She way overestimates the decency of other people. The flowers for her male friends are mega cringe. Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 07:38 AM
63

“Is this a valid reason to break up?” SAD!! Asking Reddit at 22 and thankfully not married to the couch creature means it’s past time to GTFO. That’s not a “best friend,” he’s more like an energy and resource-draining enemy. WANTING TO LEAVE IS REASON ENOUGH. So sad how this gorgeous, hardworking, loyal young woman does not know her own worth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 07:30 AM
12

From what I understand, North Carolina is maybe the only state with recent caselaw on these types of actions, and AoA suits are not as enforceable elsewhere.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 08:08 PM
1

When you “sabotaged a relationship unnecessarily” like how do you know you threw out a HVM without good cause etc? It might be helpful to reflect more on those particular experiences and what your internal process was there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 07:59 PM
1

Trust your gut that this is lovebombing to the max; you’ve said you “get worried that he’s coming on too strong, seems too good to be true, and that maybe he would act like this with any woman.” Edit: dating for 7 weeks is long enough to know! Bounce. Healthy relationships don’t give us cause to post to FDS wondering if it’s a lovebombing or not. The signs are always SUBTLE. If you’re asking if that’s what it is, then 99% of the time that’s what it is. Look, even therapists have a hard time disc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 02:34 PM
10

Yup. My aunt’s new husband, who is in his 60s, follows (and troublingly, is followed by!) scores of sexy-young-women-pic-tastic types of Insta accounts. Ya know he is paying for some camming at a minimum when my Aunt isn’t looking. It couldn’t be more obvious, and sad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 02:30 PM
54

Straight up QUEEN 👑!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 09:01 PM
12

Correct! Don’t give second chances.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 04:18 PM
29

Amen! Also this reminded me of the story of Diane Edwards, the woman who once dumped, but then got back together with Ted Bundy. Key takeaway: don’t give second chances— “However, this rekindling was apparently a long-con revenge for Bundy, who decided to win Diane back just so he could break her heart. "I just wanted to prove to myself that I could have married her," Bundy said. After a month of radio silence, she asked why he had broken things off and he simply responded flatly, "I have no ide…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 11:41 PM
174

Yes, he intentionally did that to get passive aggressive “revenge” on you for supposedly turning him down 5 years ago and again starting 1 year ago. Power and control is a helluva drug for these fuckwits. Looks bonkers to the rest of us, but yes, it’s definitely A Thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 11:13 PM
9

“☮️ OUT!!!” 😎
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 08:45 PM
13

His claim he “never interacted” with “a BUNCH” of young women is an obvious lie. That episode in Target would be hard for a guy to arrange on purpose - like that just doesn’t happen out of nowhere with “no interaction” prior. They obviously knew him intimately. Wow, what an epic liar you’re dating! Dump on the first lie!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 06:54 PM
6

Queen Sophia for the win! 👵🏼🇮🇹
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 06:32 PM
10

Down low men married to women because of homophobia plus entitlement issues are still a thing in the South. Even in 2020. I used to be married to a real Todd Chrisley type of closet case, too. Lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 11:52 AM
26

WHEW, that’s the TRUTH right there!! 🏆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 11:44 AM
15

Yes! Dump on the first lie.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 12:49 AM
48

Yes, ma’am that’s ☝🏽correct! Psychopath to the max, and he’s only just getting warmed up with his financial and emotional abuse if she stays.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 12:46 AM
12

Fantastic comment! I completely agree. 💗 The woman is the one who always needs to be in charge of the pace of the relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 05:28 PM
27

Kids) (1995).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 05:17 PM
28

I came here to say these! ☝🏽
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 05:14 PM
90

I absolutely loved this. ❤️ If you’re stuck on a toxic dusty, just give this a watch a couple of times a day until the righteous anger and wisdom finally sinks in. 🏆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 05:07 PM
28

You’re fed up, rightfully so! Just block and delete, even though that maybe feels insufficient, please trust us & the Handbook that it’s the path to truth & light!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 04:51 PM
53

Piven is such a creep towards young blondes. He hit on my former assistant’s girlfriend shamelessly in a Chicago restaurant back in the day, when her BF was sitting right there. Definitely cray cray. Run, sis!! 😂🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 03:57 PM
28

Same! Yeah some of these Narcs do some pretty expensive lovebombing at the outset, others test boundaries by seeing how low they can set the bar on treating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 06:33 PM
6

Get a consultation with a local employment lawyer. You may have more leverage in this situation than you realize, and a lawyer can advise you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 06:24 PM
10

“They will absolutely not say they do not want to do something, they will continue to dangle their possible participation like a carrot.” TRUTH. You know you’ve dated a narcissist when their ACTIONS frustrate plans and annoy you like that, but their WORDS say they want to get with you. 🤯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 05:09 PM
4

👑🏆You handled that so perfectly!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 05:05 PM
53

That, and/or “my wife has no idea what a cheating asshole I am.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 05:01 PM
70

🚫🐷!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 04:59 PM
99

Misogyny is why. Well said. Eleanor Roosevelt was one of many women in history who’ve known this to be true: “Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you'll be criticized anyway.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 03:36 PM
18

I think A) this particular man has not been truthful about his own story, and B) there needs to be a bit more of a nuanced analysis of what the real red flags look like when a man claims to have been cheated on. On the one hand, Chump Lady is full of stories of males who got cheated on and suddenly abandoned like that by wives of many years, and were super high value men who are real marriage-minded catches for their next woman. Chump Lady herself found a HVM in Mr. Chump Lady, who had also been…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 02:21 PM
49

👑👑👑 Total Queen energy right there!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 02:10 PM
15

Date only childless dudes. Never settle! I could never, ever be a stepmom. And I say that as a very happy mother to my own kids. Stepmoms get no real love at all, and many of them are just the dads’ mules. Period.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 08:20 PM
22

Yes, and in their pretending, they also get a hit of duper’s delight which makes them feel powerful and in control. If she just wants them for sex, then they don’t want sex because they get off on actively ::not:: giving her what she really wants, even though it would be pleasurable. A joke indeed!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 01:24 AM
6

Truth! Every word out of someone like this is pure manipulation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 12:39 AM
11

“...giving him that grace as part of being a Christian.” That’s so annoying! Not to mention, ::Christ had boundaries:: and was not a people-pleasing doormat! In the gospels, Jesus wasn’t always “nice” to people. Often he didn’t do what people wanted him to do. There were many people he simply didn’t help. And whenever he did choose to help other people he expected them to do their part. For instance, even in Jesus’ miracles, he asked people to do something, usually something they felt they could…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 12:34 AM
9

See this Queen’s spot-on tweet about it: https://mobile.twitter.com/Karnythia/status/1295469555133878278
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 02:41 PM
8

Block immediately on any phrase like “some people lie on their profile” because that’s them projecting and straight up admitting they are liars.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 02:33 PM
50

These rages of his that keep getting worse and more public, coupled with the abused mom worrying about not being attractive to him anymore are textbook signs that stepdad is actively in some type of an affair/cheating scenario but likely doesn’t want to pay for a divorce and lose his compliant wife appliance. Very sad!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 02:29 PM
10

I’m a few episodes into DIRTY JOHN: BETTY, after having watched all of Season 1 of DIRTY JOHN (Connie Britton as Debra). Amanda Peet is so good in this role. In the US, S2 hasn’t dropped on Netflix yet, but likely will by Spring, but it was recently broadcast on the USA network and currently you can watch the first 3 episodes for free via the free NBC app, as long as you can log in with pretty much any nationwide cable provider. Dan’s red flags were hard to spot early on, in the context of court…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 02:19 PM
9

🏆😆I’m dead!🤣😂😭
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 01:54 AM
21

eHarmony will match you with far away and slightly older than you men (or even 19+years older than you men) who are religious and are looking for a wife who can move to the random city they live in. I met 3 solid guys on there a few years back, but distance was an issue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 07:33 PM
14

Hugs! 💗 Trust that he sucks!!! Two helpful books: “Leave A Cheater, Gain A Life” by Tracy Schorn aka Chump Lady; and “The Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist” by Debbie Mirza. 💗
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 07:29 PM
13

Debra learned to be too trusting of sociopathic men, and disregard her own kids’ warnings, from her horrible PickMe mom. Debra’s mother, Arlane Hart, was an epic PickMe and a horrifically poor role model for her adult daughters. Arlane testified ::FOR:: the man who murdered her other daughter Cindi Vickers, in a move that shocked prosecutors. I have no words.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 12:40 PM
6

Amen! Well said.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 08:29 PM
5

“A Sleepy PeePee” 😆🤣😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 08:12 PM
979

Dame Helen Mirren is in the photo on the right. Mirren’s thoughts on being mistaken for Keanu’s partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 05:08 PM
30

Fantastic journey! Your kids are so incredibly lucky to have an amazing mother like you, who flat out refused to take alcoholic abuse, chaotic and neglectful family dynamics lying down! You protected your kids from the normalization of any of that bullshit. 🏆😍 You’re awesome!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 05:41 PM
11

My favorite baseball movie from the 80s, Major League, features Renee Russo as the romantic female lead who dumps her fiancé in favor of her LVM uneducated old ball player cheater ex husband, played by Tom Berenger. He just randomly saw them out together at a restaurant, and suddenly decided to try to get her back after many years, eventually helping her to cheat on her fiancé before rekindling their dysfunctional relationship...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 04:06 PM
8

My answer depends on whether or not the X was abusive to you, such that any ongoing contact with his people would constitute possible emotional harm to you. In general, the crazier & more violent he was, the more his mama likely needs to be gone from your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 02:47 PM
24

Stop👏🏽 giving👏🏽 second 👏🏽chances!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 11:19 AM
11

Aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, holy shit 🚩 🚩 🚩
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 11:06 AM
17

Nope, he’s just an asshole and possibly a cluster b. Society likes to gaslight women though, and came up with many bullshit labels like “commitment phobic” or “avoidant” or “sex addict” or “midlife crisis” to make his manipulative assholery sound prettier and less intentionally calculated than the harsh reality.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 10:49 AM
21

The Walls in Your House Will Sing is a classic post on Chump Lady, about Chump Lady’s aunt, who was a divorced single mother of 2 and found the love of her life after leaving an abusive cheater.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 04:10 PM
1

WIMBLEDON (2004) with Kirsten Dunst and Paul Bettany, is about the only FDS-tastic rom com I can think of.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 12:35 PM
26

You SEE how your sister actually is now. That’s the company she keeps. That’s her true character. Remember this about her always and protect yourself accordingly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 04:22 PM
16

He was testing your boundaries to see if you would find his lying acceptable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 03:29 PM
30

Live together before marriage? Get a lawyer-drafted cohabitation agreement first, then move in to a place you could afford on your own, with a pre-agreed upon way to get him out of your home if he turns abusive. ✅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 03:33 PM
2

Thank you for correcting the above commenter’s mistake: yes, men win custody 70% of the time they ask for it. Common statistic!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 01:59 PM
50

Trauma bonding and abuse dynamics, absolutely correct. Thank you for mentioning this so we can knock it off with the victim blaming.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 10:36 AM
7

Congrats on escaping what sounds like a covert narc or sociopath with an extremely convincing Good Guy mask! You write so well! Thank you for sharing this and the great article, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 04:04 PM
21

That poor woman is his Wife Appliance and has no idea he has no genuine romantic feelings for her at all. Her entire marriage is a sham.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 08:10 PM
52

Pre-coronavirus, four weddings in my social circle had been planned for May/June 2020. Three of those weddings were reduced to immediate family only, and proceeded as scheduled. Maybe they’ll have bigger receptions in the post-pandemic future. The fourth wedding was postponed for 14 more months, as the future groom is a narcissist, and from the outside looks of things? He has decided to discard his fiancée, because to his disordered mind, she expressed normal human needs during quarantine, and h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 02:44 PM
17

Holy shit. The ED is like so rampant! Have these fuckers not heard of Googling and heading to their dr for a workup?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 05:30 PM
11

I know way too many guys like this who are only genuinely attracted to women who display aloof/unavailable/emotionally closed off traits. I don’t think they will ever change to suddenly be attracted to warm/open/kind women at all. They are cursed, this specific subset of men hate their own vulnerabilty and it’s only about the conquest — and whenever we encounter one we should all move on from them. There is no way they can change attraction, anymore than I would ever want to be with an older man…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 01:17 PM
65

Well said, also this dude has every Coercive Controlling Jackass red flag flying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 10:25 AM
31

Abso-fuckin-lutely correct, sis! The 1-10 scale is the LVM’s calling card.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 09:00 PM
10

🏆 Some people have to spend a ton of money and time in therapy just to be able to do what YOU have just done, sis!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 08:55 PM
168

Horrible parenting. I pray there’s a lock on the child’s bedroom door.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 11:55 AM
11

Great list of don’ts! 😍
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 06:34 PM
11

E7 was my hands-down favorite— “Marriages Are Like Breaking Biscuits: Sima faces a challenge with single mother Rupam. A discovery about her match bothers Ankita. Vyasar frets over revealing his father’s past to Rashi.” Sima is a much better matchmaker (in terms of really & deeply understanding people) than Gita; I enjoyed watching Ankita’s journey figuring out why Gita’s hot takes on women in marriage plus her lowkey shadiness in failing to disclose, rubbed Ankita so completely wrong, and she w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 07:08 PM
1

Thank you for posting this! You sound amazing!! It’s such a well-written cautionary tale for what not to do as a parent. I’m a mom who divorced a cheating narcissistic closeted gay man, and was inspired by Chump Lady/Tracy Schorn’s book “Leave A Cheater, Gain A Life.” Chump Lady says it’s hard to be a sane, stable parent, who can be a strong example for the kids, when you choose to stay married to a gaslighting cheater who makes you do the Pick Me Dance. I hope my kids turn out as well as you ha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 02:56 PM
4

I second this! Love Chump Lady.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 02:38 PM
3

Dude sounds like a covert narcissist. They are masterful at charming everyone. His supporters are also known as “flying monkeys” of the narcissist - this is definitely a thing in the personality disorder literature.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 02:36 PM
55

Comedy gold, these two. For Amy Poehler this turned out to be a bit of life imitating art, when her 50-year-old ex-husband Will Arnett recently showed himself to be a possible contestant on this sort of “show” by impregnating a very recently separated woman 17 years his junior. 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 05:21 PM
1

👑🏆❤️ I LOVE how you are getting out there and grabbing that amazing life!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 06:33 PM
20

Bingo! It really is that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 07:09 PM
1

🏆👑 Yes!!! Well done!!! Leaving a cheater is the total opposite of a so-called “codependent” (a victim-blaming term that has no foundation in any of the peer-reviewed research, BTW plus intimate partner violence advocates like Lundy Bancroft “Why Does He Do That?” suggest we please stop using as the responsibility belongs on the abuser, solely!)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 07:08 PM
7

::WOMEN:: have more options now than ever before due to apps. Hetero men will always have to do more effort upfront on OLD while a woman gets hundreds of messages.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 02:09 PM
130

The total lack of empathy in his post is stunning. That mention of “4 or 5 years” (as if he can’t ::quite:: recall how much of her time he wasted) is a real F U to his ex. His new victim, I mean “lOvE of hIS liFe” ought to see that for the ginormous red flag it is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 11:57 AM
4

Just block and delete. (He was testing to see if you have poor boundaries he can eventually push.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 11:46 AM
15

THIS! “Triangulation” is the term for this subtle manipulation. I was on the receiving end of this in early dating with a guy who claimed to have lost his 22-year-old girlfriend he would’ve married to a tragic car accident abroad many years ago. My gut was screaming at me that he was completely making the story up. 🚩
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 11:43 AM
25

Big hugs. You’re absolutely not alone. Chump Lady is full of survivors with stories like yours.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 09:23 PM
15

This is the Queen Energy all of the recovering paragraph writers need! 😍👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 03:43 PM
5

“Forever girlfriend” is definitely a huge insult - start framing this that way, cut all ties with this one and then go out and demand more from the next relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 03:40 PM
31

Totally agree! A PickMe acquaintance of mine recently got married and told me how she had to learn to stop being so “feisty” and “outspoken” to land that particular husband. Uh, no thanks! Marriage isn’t supposed to be the place where you gotta dim your own light!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 03:34 PM
12

Respectfully, what’s there to discuss? He’s a time waster. You need to get back out there dating other men ASAP to meet your stated goal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 02:12 PM
13

You did so great walking away from someone who doesn’t have the emotional equipment to love a good, available woman!! 🏆More of us out there need to be WALKING!! 👑❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 09:01 PM
6

Which book are ya’ll Queens reading?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 05:46 PM
80

Yes, and then after Lundy Bancroft, I read Debbie Mirza’s “The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist.” Wish someone had taught me about this brand of predator.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 05:45 PM
132

THIS. How humiliating for the wife! Jesus wept, that is going to be impossible for her to ever, ever forget. And he is “really confused” by why that was a total marriage-ending dealbreaker??!! 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 02:19 PM
5

Amen, sis! 👏👏👏 Wish I had known how to spot and avoid a Cluster B personality-disordered or sociopathic man. I married a real Satan in a Sunday hat covert type of lovebomber, and it has taken a metric crapton of cash, time, and effort to extricate myself from it. However, 80% of men are not so afflicted. And now I can spot one at 20 paces, so if I wanted to meet someone great, now I have the tools and the fortitude required to do so. These days I’m of the ‘Living Apart Together is where it’s at …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 01:06 PM
29

Love her! Tip #7 “show your personality” is a really important one. Sad that I know way too many ::wives:: who don’t do this with their own husbands!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 11:52 AM
14

It’s a sign of character weakness when someone CAN’T BE ALONE!! and there is overlap between the old relationship and their current one. Admirable folks are good with being single, and being comfortable in their own skin, being the sole architects of their One Precious Life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 12:47 PM
12

The fact that Jada is the one being thrown under the bus after it was actually epic cheater Will who broke the marriage contract and agreed they should see other people and downgrade from their regular-way marriage to this polyamory-by-any-other-name “life partnership” deal is infuriating. Will got the financial benefit of the bargain as Jada hasn’t divorced him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 12:40 PM
38

THIS! Boom! Time wasters like this guy HAVE TO be “nice.” Because his actions are actually the opposite of kind.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 09:33 AM
1

Yes! Sounds like he’s a covert narcissist. Idealize, devalue, discard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 04:10 AM
85

“i was 8 and my dad never took me to seaworld” omg he is trolling damn Shamu rn! 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 03:48 AM
13

This! A confirmatory obituary? He requests a firm date/time/location? Then, and only then, maybe. Meantime you are dating others!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 03:46 AM
8

Yup, more of his future faking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 02:21 PM
8

“Not sure” about a man means don’t! Gut check. 😷👋🏿 Bye, boi.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 01:59 PM
16

Holy passive aggressive man way of saying we are not having that $8K+ wedding afterall.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 01:57 PM
18

Congrats on leveling up, sis! You expressed the differences in what you would accept before versus now very eloquently.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 02:45 PM
2

Great article, thanks for sharing that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 02:27 PM
38

He is doing this for the K-1 Visa to get into the US. Two failed marriages, about to have his 3rd kid by 3 different women. Sounds like he’s a cheater and had at least an emotional affair on Wife #2 with STBWife #3. Uh, sis, your fiancé just dropped about 100 of these 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 01:43 PM
4

Yes, all of this. See also “Mothers on Trial” by Phyllis Chesler.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 09:23 PM
73

My BFF has similar gorgeous, ethereal, pre-Raphaelite goddess looking skin and was surprised to find out how affordable laser treatments are to rid her of broken capillaries- like $250 to $300 for a 15-minute laser treatment over her entire face. She’s got a low pain tolerance and said it wasn’t very painful and it got rid of all of them within about 4 days. I feel like this is like a skincare secret that shouldn’t be— dermatologists seriously need to be putting treatments like this on billboard…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 02:00 PM
305

She had me at “ya’ll wish ya’ll homies had coochies.” 🥇🤣 Yup. Truer than true!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 02:14 AM
10

Depends on your strategy, sis. Higher ed is a very common place to meet a starter spouse. If, say, you want to marry at 27 and have kids around 30, it makes sense to date around in college— but wait until after your first year because you need to learn how to succeed in college first. Edit: Some of my favorite guys I ever dated were guys I met during my junior and senior year at a so-called “highly selective” college. YMMV.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 03:14 PM
8

Totally! Chump Lady has a great post about the ‘Bitch Be Crazy’ Red Flag. 🚩
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 02:59 PM
12

Crazymaking behaviors are precisely what Cluster B’s inflict upon their victims. They create a trauma bond which can create C-PTSD symptoms in the female partner, causing her to think she’s “crazy.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 02:58 PM
48

Amen! See also the concept of “Normal Marital Sadism” by Dr. David Schnarch in the marriage counseling literature.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 02:51 PM
3

Exactly! 🏆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 02:45 PM
20

SHooT uR shOT, gIRL! Um, no. If he wanted to, he would have. Boy has found a naive mark from whom he’s going to be able to extract a lot of caretaking and help for as long as he wants.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 01:15 PM
52

Ghislaine Maxwell PickMe epidemic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 01:09 PM
21

Sounds like he’s a Cluster B or a sociopath - they are total Dr. Jekylls who are able to charm and fool practically everyone, including therapists and doctors, while getting off on epic cheating and financial abuse. I’m sorry you got mixed up with one. Hugs!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 11:54 AM
39

This is far more common than society seems to grasp, because it’s such a frightening prospect how so many “good dads” have these terrible secret lives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 11:43 AM
28

Intermittent reinforcement is what that is. Running hot/cold and push/pull behaviors are other terms for this. He’s centering himself psychologically using these tactics. Mindfucking you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 11:35 AM
5

Brilliant analysis! And yes, I’ve known of lawyers who have advised precisely this kind of ‘be boring, let him think it’s his idea’ strategy to their divorce clients in situations where there’s a Cluster B in the litigation. Edit: Divorce may also offer an inadvertent measure of safety in the public nature of it, having to involve the State and court system. Litigation and the subpoena power might make it harder to hide some abuses; might raise the cost of targeting this victim further.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 07:36 PM
6

Watts is a true psychopath. While Shannan was pregnant with her 3rd child, Chris had an affair with a woman, and also — little known fact that’s in the FBI reports that have been made public — Chris Watts had a gay affair partner for whom he purchased lip injections as a gift, while not being able to pay the bills for his wife and kids. Fucking crazy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 07:33 PM
30

So.Much.Baggage. Bet he’s a ton of fun at parties.🙄 Seriously though, he really shouldn’t be dating anyone until he’s had some therapy for that creepy anger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 11:25 AM
2

Very eloquently said. ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 09:23 PM
6

An excellent, detailed list of “tricky”-to-spot, subtle manipulative behaviors can actually be found in the book “The Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist” by Debbie Mirza. ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 12:51 PM
51

Exactly! Rock is a cheater and refuses to see his adopted child— interesting how that monstrous fact about him didn’t make it into his most recent Netflix special.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 11:52 AM
14

You handled that with so much class & dignity! His clueless girlfriend will be wasting her life with his trifling ass now. Damn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 11:31 AM
11

👻🏆 A well-played, cool, calm, collected exit!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 03:47 AM
2

Yes! Also Bobby is so amazing. Super high EQ and an all-around fantastic husband.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 12:50 AM
19

I’m old enough to remember this safe sex ad campaign! It was also printed on textbook covers. Ahh, the 90s. 😎
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 05:21 PM
11

You nailed it, sis! Oldest story in the world.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 05:18 PM
8

Right! Either way, it’s not good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 01:07 PM
4

Great advice, sis! Normally, I’m against meeting halfway, but in a small town situation like yours it’s actually a wise safety strategy. Particularly with OLDating, where you don’t want to disclose your small town location right off the bat, since it would be easier for a strange man to immediately find out who you are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 12:54 PM
21

Uh, a boyfriend who goes to spas and brunches with his bros instead of with his actual girlfriend, who has been cajoling him to do those exact activities with her? Dude might not be quite as heterosexual as he’s been leading her to believe. Major red flag there, that’s passive aggressive as hell of him, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 12:44 PM
11

“I don’t even like the real me.” Aww, sis. 💗🥺I hope you are able to learn to love and accept yourself before messing with any more dudes. Abusers seek out and prey on vulnerable women who deep down dislike themselves. Hugs!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 12:33 PM
2

Omg! 🔥 🔥 But like also this is one hell of an inadvertent salespitch for the product right here: she bought a replacement magic wand!! Ok, now I know what MY next online purchase is gonna be! 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 09:44 PM
2

Whoopi for the WIN right there! Yes, ma’am! 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 09:40 PM
4

Sis needs to read “Leave A Cheater, Gain A Life” by Chump Lady, and GTFO.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 08:21 PM
3

Yes, sis! That’s a fantastic trick that works!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 02:46 AM
1

🏆❤️ “COmMunICatE!” 🙄 Preach, sis!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 12:07 AM
2

Exactly, sis! Creepy surprise effort is not impressive, nor does it create trust where kids are involved.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 02:03 PM
3

CREEPY SURPRISE EFFORT. 🧟‍♂️ Exactly. I came here to say this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 01:59 PM
5

Same, sis! Same. Nobody on BM is allowed to associate with RadFems, think, or say out loud that anyone’s abusive husband is anything less than totally awesome. It’s codified in the sub rules.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 01:52 PM
1

You did great! Top litigator — yes, I get it now. You’re right not to verbally spar with someone like that, he enjoys it and it’s traumatizing to anyone else. Couple of body language and prop suggestions to think about. When he starts in on his tirade, hold your hands up, palms facing him (like gesturing “don’t shoot.”) Or get a little white flag and wave it as if to say “I surrender!” “We’re actually on the same side here, Bob. When you’re ready to discuss this calmly and without resorting to a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 12:33 PM
48

You’ve never met in person, he’s cancelled twice, and he’s not the least bit interested in actually meeting you. NEXT!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/20 10:44 AM
58

Hold up, GrandMistress PickMe Julia Roberts really said this?? Because she is low value as hell, stole another woman’s husband, and lied to Oprah about it. Google “a low Vera Julia Roberts” for the truth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 04:19 PM
113

Desi women are encouraged to have strong careers but still do absolutely everything at home, and wait hand and foot on their husband. I see this 24/7/365 in typical marriages between two young Desi US professionals. He lives like a king at home, even if she is a cardiologist making bank relative to him. These posts reflect the overall unspoken mindset that gets women into these lopsided but culturally-promoted unions: the marital property is actually his, and they feel like feminism does not spe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 11:19 AM
9

I know of a high conflict divorce case that lasted close to 8 years in the family court system, including the wife’s appeal of the lower court decision, that had almost a factually-identical start to the relationship. They were coworkers, she was 16-years his junior. His first wife left him right after their second child was born. Three years later, she had his oops baby and he married her even though he wasn’t really in love with her. He just used her as a stepmom appliance for his then 7 and 3…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 11:07 AM
11

Well said, and I agree about those dealbreakers. We absolutely have the right to pass on someone who is mentally ill. Nothing “cruel” about having that standard, and no one would think a man “cruel” for having that standard either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 10:57 AM
20

It’s like he is passive aggressively trying to get her to leave him. He sounds like an early stage psycho who is very slowly ramping up his abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 10:51 AM
40

Definitely catnip to predators! Psychopaths actively seek out women with traits of overflowing empathy, resilience and kindness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 11:01 AM
12

Tweeted by someone who stands to gain by perpetuating the misogynistic fallacy that all women must choose between a cheating batterer or having no husband at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 06:52 PM
4

Absolutely right. People who complain about “not trying hard to save a marriage” are IGNORANT about actual abuse dynamics and their prevalence. One person can’t keep a marriage alive, it takes two. And some people out there rightly put the health of actual people ahead of slavishly maintaining an institution that’s harmful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 06:47 PM
5

Exactly, sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 03:42 PM
5

Freedom from a fuckwit, yeah! He must not be a very good dad who wants to see his kids if he is ordered to pay child support instead of getting 50/50 custody that nearly every father who asks a judge for these days gets immediately so support is not owed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 03:32 PM
4

He lied in the video here about the price of the meal. It was closer to $400 for 2 people. So yeah, he’s embellishing. Edit: He can’t get his story straight in the linked video is my point. So I don’t even believe this happened the way this man claims. “wiTH taX & TIp thaT’s 500 Dollarz thOugH” omg Jesus wept.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 02:02 PM
9

Men with THREE kids who leave & divorce their very young kids’ mothers are indeed terrible! Leaving their kids at a foreseeably greater risk of poverty. Even if he says the mom is “crazy” his actions are still leaving the kids alone with her more often than not unless he filed for full custody. Yeah, I usually assume since around 7 out of 10 divorce filers are women, that this kind of situation is the exception (& he’s some kind of cake-eating cheater who got caught), and it’s usually a woman wh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 01:46 PM
9

Dave: “I gotta tell ya, I don’t know what girl’s worth that [a $500 2-person meal].” Sounds like Dave doesn’t get out much and maybe doesn’t value women. Edit: Dave acknowledges here he’s “a cheap redneck” and I agree! Edit2: The hypothetical man here gets at least $250 of the economic value of the meal. (And notice the guy waffles about the real cost, at one point saying “$200 per person for a 5-course meal” which is LESS than the $500 meal he keeps quoting. (He lied - did this even happen?) An…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 01:30 PM
60

I came here to say this. Stepmothers are the absolute least happy cohort of women. Source: “Stepmonster” by Dr. Wednesday Martin, who is herself a stepmother.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 12:30 PM
25

Not sure why you got downvoted for saying this. A divorced man usually means a woman didn’t want his ass. Hence it ::IS:: an entirely different dynamic than an oops baby outside of wedlock where you don’t likely have a man the woman rejected to her own direct financial detriment because he was so bad to her like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 12:26 PM
65

His sketchy relationships history with him explaining how, in his mind, he was the real victim.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 03:41 PM
13

Halle Berry also lost 80% of the hearing in her ear after being beaten by an ex-boyfriend in 1991.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/20 06:48 PM
8

The real social media red flag to watch for amongst the 40+ demographic is a ::lack of posting reciprocity:: with the woman they are dating/engaged/married. Recent IRL examples: 1) PickMe fiancée’s social media is ALL about their engagement, upcoming wedding, and what a great dad & man he is. Meanwhile, his posts are totally silent as to the engagement and wedding, he hasn’t posted a photo of her since last summer, and he over-the-top praises his “work wife” (his young assistant) and his “favori…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/20 08:55 PM
24

Exactly. Well said. Chump Lady is FULL of survivor narratives of sociopathic and Cluster B abusers who pull long cons of this nature. It’s hard for survivors to get support because the true stories are so outrageous, but definitely fit a pattern when you are aware of pathology.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/20 07:07 PM
175

She is married to a very tech-savvy sociopath. Now that he has won her as a wife conquest, the long, slow devalue is underway. In a decade with this sociopath, she’ll have zero self-esteem and will have been gaslighted within an inch of her sanity. She should absolutely not confront him, ever. I hope she reads Chump Lady. She already knows all she needs to know. She should come up with a safety plan for leaving this relationship when the time is right, after getting all of her ducks in a row. Fu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/20 04:45 PM
31

Several other women, and perhaps some other men, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/20 03:34 PM
11

One of the absolute worst parts of that show was what happened to Adriana’s sweet little dog.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/20 03:00 PM
2

Feels like the answer to questions like this should pretty much always include a mention of the classic “Dear Sugar” column penned by Cheryl Strayed, The Truth That Lives Here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 08:01 PM
27

I specifically call out PickMe stuff we see in pop culture, and among unhappy married women we know of personally who will not leave their epic cheating husbands, and about how awful that is to have no transferable career skills and no ability/vision to live beneath her means to fall back on and with which to gain a healthier life. How that is never the fate I would want for any of my babies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 07:55 PM
19

Same thing happened to me the other day with that sad, handmaiden sub, and the FDS Queens had some good words about it: https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ftge1i/this_sub_keeps_being_tagged_for_hate_speech/fm7le3g/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 07:49 PM
3

I’ve never dated anyone I didn’t find to be sufficiently erudite. These days I am really impressed by displays of good character more than anything else.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/20 05:37 PM
16

Exactly. The internalized misogyny & lack of self-awareness is strong out there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/20 11:27 PM
136

Yes, not to mention getting infected with HPV of the anus, which can cause rectal cancer, and isn’t generally screened for by clinicians. Source: Mayo Clinic
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/20 02:21 PM
7

So true! 🤣😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/20 01:41 PM
16

breaking mom
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/20 01:33 PM
39

Ha ha, yes seems the handmaidens have a problem with Uppity Women and our associates: “...due to the high volume of rude & toxic behavior from users who post in femaledatingstrategy as well as the toxic culture of the movement itself...” Truth: FDS is a movement which challenges the toxic culture. Takes a sad, deep-seated PickMe mindset of that sub to get it twisted like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/20 01:29 PM
13

Absolutely! I like it, too. Maybe it’s the cute expressions on their little faces. I like that someone took the time to do this for his sweetheart.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/20 01:11 PM
63

I was auto-banned yesterday from another (women’s only) sub I used to occasionally participate in for the putative “offense” of commenting here on FDS. I was auto-message informed I could take my ban up with the mods if it was by mistake and if I “rejected FDS principles.” That’s just creepy AF. The handmaiden trash took itself out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/20 12:32 PM
9

What I see is how you are NOT a PickMe, and are leveling up in your life. Keep it up, and the ones who don’t share your values will part ways. Hugs!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 07:51 PM
11

Good plan. There are so many awesome women on the planet to be friends with who don’t disrespect their friends like this. ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 07:46 PM
13

Is that kind of behavior acceptable to you? That’s the only question that really matters. If you stick around, you’ll get more of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 07:43 PM
46

Don’t chase so called “best friends” who mislabel you, deny reality, and hang up on you. Value yourself more than to put up with that kind of mistreatment. Nobody has time for dramatic & erratic fake besties.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 07:38 PM
70

You had moved on and then this asshole wasn’t blocked, so he snuck back in. And asked for your email? Nah. Block like there’s no tomorrow. Guard your headspace from this epic bullshit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 07:34 PM
14

This doesn’t get better. Anger issues can escalate to intimate partner violence. Usually this happens slowly, subtly over time, so that when he has you feeling trapped in a few years, perhaps with a mortgage and a newborn, he escalates to more physical forms of abuse. Lundy Bancroft “Why Does He Do That?” discusses these early warning signals for abuse such as the anger issues you’ve described.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 07:30 PM
5

You had me at Ancient Proverb, sis! 😂😆😷
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 07:25 PM
11

Absolutely! And that one is very hard to grasp— but there are men who will marry you while not really being into you. (Who does that?? Lol)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 07:13 PM
3

Exactly, it was intentional manipulation — he’s using hot/cold intermittent reinforcement on her. The comments were a shitshow. I found myself agreeing with people who said him not wanting to have sex with her in response to her clear lingerie visuals was a sign something is very wrong with that man. Most normal guys wouldn’t turn it down if it were true he had been celibate for the two weeks prior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 05:41 PM
5

Yup! 🥇
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 05:37 PM
4

👑 Well done getting away from a narcissist! I love how you have framed the real question to ask ourselves—- that is so true! Thank you, sis!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 05:29 PM
102

💯!! Also I bet he is jealous AF of her incredible career success (Frozen franchise, The Good Place, Bad Moms franchise etc) relative to his own downtrending acting career. At this point he is most well-known for being married to Bell!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 03:19 PM
10

Female accusers of Democratic male Presidential nominees/former Presidents/VPs are simply not believed due to the political weaponizing of their names & claims. They therefore have truly impossible cases, and it all must be so horrible for them. See also: Juanita Broaddrick. Edit: I hope Liz Warren decides to campaign again. We could really use her brand of leadership right now!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 02:54 PM
259

🤮 Imma quote a different funny & talented female celebrity here, one happily-divorced actor Anna Faris: “Life is too short for you to be in relationships where you feel this isn’t fully right or somebody doesn't have your back, or somebody doesn't value you in every way.” Faris continued: “Don’t be afraid to feel your independence if things aren't right. I made that mistake, I think, a little bit, like ‘I'm checking my relationship off the list’.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 02:50 PM
21

Good job breaking up with a budding alcoholic abuser. That’s not easy to do after 2.5 years of sunk costs. I’m just curious if there were any small signs of this tendency of his from the get-go, or whether he hid his red flag of addiction? In terms of your goal of finding someone great in their late 40s, of course it’s possible (that is, after we all overcome this global pandemic 😷). Our odds of meeting someone worthy always increase the more we are passionately living out our own dreams & are l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 02:25 PM
19

Engaged is not a legal status such as a marriage. Hence, there is no implied marital duty on her to “love & honor in sickness” or what have you. Actual Marriage would be the key here. Once you have made a vow, it must be honored. That being said, if it were me and I loved the man enough to get engaged (an extremely high bar for me as I will never marry)? Him being in an accident would not change that for me. I’d still marry him if he had the same personality and it wasn’t like a traumatic brain …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/20 01:53 PM
1

https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f6yjzd/thoughts_on_matthew_hussey/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/20 02:19 PM
56

He sounds like a textbook “covert passive-aggressive narcissist.” (Debbie Mirza has a great book by this title profiling this type of Cluster b personality-disordered person.) When previously “nice” husbands do a complete 180 and start acting mean and start obsessing about fitness, it usually almost means he is balls deep in a hidden affair. Then if he suddenly walks out and pulls a Runaway Husband act, that usually means he left for his affair partner. Of course he’ll deny it, and a lot of wome…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/20 09:36 AM
21

You rightly identified him as a narc, so you know he is always looking for new supply, always cheating, and is always going to be hoovering his former wife, you, & anyone else unlucky enough to have dated him. He needs to be completely unable to reach you for the rest of your life. Dudes like this end up on Dateline.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 11:34 PM
31

When a dude suddenly leaves an LTR so dramatically & out of nowhere like this, there is ALWAYS a side chick. My money is on this version of events: his side chick (who also thought herself his only chick) happened to see the photo of the Pickme in a wedding dress, threatened to walk, and he suddenly needed to reassure the side chick he’s not getting married. Hence he dumped the LTR PickMe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/20 06:23 PM
3

🚫💩➡️🍱‼️ (😉❤️)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/20 06:13 PM
2

Yes, please sis!!!! ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/20 04:20 PM
9

🏆❤️ This deserves its own post. The fact that you correctly figured out these little cluster b / socipathic games of his is really super admirable. I’ve seen much older people with loads of life experience completely miss all of these signs that you have described so accurately and eloquently here. Major bullets dodged, sis!! You are mighty!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 11:28 AM
26

💯 and thanks also for the reminder to never let ourselves be a boxer-folding kind of wife.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 04:38 PM
11

💯 The lie was nowhere to be found here. Brilliant summation of the way it really is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 12:44 PM
16

Well done ending it. He sounds like a fucking moron who has no idea what real love even is & doesn’t authentically bond. Life’s too precious to waste on a dumbfuck. Edit: r/relationship_advice says OP is “overreacting.” 🙄 Get the eff outta here That Sub with your “oVErreAcTINg WomEn.” What that jackass said to OP was fucking insulting and he’s clearly a dipshit. Period.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 04:38 AM
38

Absolutely!! You protected your infant child and escaped an abuser! YOU ARE A HIGH VALUE WOMAN!!! Far wealthier & more-resourced people than you who don’t have kids often still can’t manage to do what you just did, sis! Because leaving an abuser is hard, it can be lethal, and on average it takes a woman 7 tries to do so.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 09:02 PM
9

Right! A covert narc is extremely dangerous to a woman’s mental, financial, and physical health. Most are never detected. The fact you detected one tells you for sure that your past is the new supply’s future times a hundred because now he is even better at impression management and taking all of his abuse underground. Bullet majorly dodged, sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 08:58 PM
6

Amen! Cohabitation with a man - married or not - involves a lot of risk. I get the sense the deadbedroom women are grappling with something akin to the Sunk Cost Fallacy; they are risk-averse, economically trapped (can’t readily afford her own place quickly) and/or culturally trapped (got together young, raised religious, conservative cultural norms).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 06:34 PM
2

Amen on both counts. We’re getting a new Batman soon, thankfully.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 06:22 PM
16

🏆🤣🤣🤣 That is the most spot on callout of creepy Affleck ever! Omg I loved reading this!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 06:20 PM
6

Ha!! Very well said, sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 06:08 PM
42

💯!!! Too true, sis!! Money quote: “Women who haven't had sex in a year talk about craving it desperately. Women who are in an LTR and having sex regularly will look for any excuse to get out of it. That's *telling.” TRUTH!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 05:47 PM
4

Brava for not letting the pick mes try to mooch off of you for your surprise penthouse! Enjoy Queen!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 02:29 AM
2

THIS! 🏆 Your post on LURE is precisely what FDS should be aspiring to be: strategy. Thank you so much, sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 02:42 PM
21

Yes, what a pleasant surprise! To wit: “Nah, don't waste your time managing people in your leisure time and just find someone who's enthusiastic like you are. It's never worth the effort to tell someone something that should be assumed.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 02:33 PM
111

The perfect analogy, sis! When someone runs the hot/cold intermittent reinforcement game on you, RUN! Learn to spot this for the glaring 🚩it is!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 02:18 PM
44

💯 Silence & then moving on with the rest of your one precious life is often a Queen response.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 09:53 PM
8

Yes, and it is sad. She stated in the comments “everyone is out to get me” for questioning his veracity on her post that she made about him. After 3 whole dates.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 08:16 PM
8

Desperation to be partnered up is certainly the issue, which she refuses to own. Wonder how many of her best years she’ll throw away on some other woman’s husband here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 07:12 PM
13

That OP is closer to age 50 than 40 and still hasn’t learned to stop being a Pick Me. All of 3 dates with a married man and she’s sure she trusts & knows the guy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 07:03 PM
24

He ‘Does Not Mention Divorce’ because he is a cake-eating, cheating married man still living with his wife. That is the oldest story in the world. Get the eff outta here with the Separated Under the Same Roof and We’re Both Openly Dating Other People lie. That Middle-aged OP annoyed me with her “I’m not [lonely] or desperate” messenger-shooting. She is incredibly naive for being “dating over 40!” Apparently anyone who dares question the man SHE WROTE A POST ABOUT is someone that OP will label “n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 06:26 PM
1

Thank you, sis! Exactly right!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 12:21 PM
9

Exactly, sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 12:17 PM
4

Yes to ditching male therapists! Make sure when you vet your new potential therapist that you illustrate for her why the other therapists/approaches were a waste and a mismatch for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 12:10 PM
30

Yes! Unless he gets checked AND you can verify the results are true and are his own. We’ve had posts here about STD results fraudsters intentionally spreading diseases.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 11:57 AM
16

Excellent post! There are many women who were never taught about predators like this when they were younger. We have a real lack of Cluster B pathology education in our culture.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 11:53 AM
17

Thank you— this is a wonderful response to some naïveté about how Actual Abuse goes down. Most younger people don’t really get how Long Cons operate. Instead they’d rather blame the victim for choosing poorly and bEIng SToooopId. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 11:51 AM
8

THIS! Very wise perspective. ❤️🏆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 11:11 AM
3

🏆FACTS for the win, sis! 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 03:24 AM
9

Ah! Sounds like his paid content is terrible! “Be willing to do anything in bed except threesomes” IS FUCKED UP ADVICE! I feel like if he were to post that sentiment on his Twitter or Insta today he would lose a ton of people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 01:59 AM
1

“Not ready for a label” = “I’m not in love with you nor do I want to date you exclusively. I like having sex with you though.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 01:55 AM
2

Is that an Essex accent?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 09:00 PM
8

Every weekend together? He should ask you to be his girlfriend, exclusively. But since you are giving him all of the exclusive girlfriend benefits already (maybe due to being old flames), there’s no incentive for him to do so. I’d stop giving him all of your weekends and keep seeing other people. See what he does.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 08:53 PM
13

We’ve had SEVERAL recent FDS posts in the last few months also asking this. The criticisms here of his older advice as PickMe fodder are all well taken. My take? Hussey is an entertaining salesman who has a way with words. I like that in his more recent suggestions he tends to offer women advice to build a great life for themselves, and not have dating be so central in that great life; and that as of late he is going a bit against society’s PickMe grain (maybe he’s been reading FDS for inspirati…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 08:12 PM
7

THIS! It really is like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 02:53 PM
8

You 👻. He’s not into you. Edit: Seriously. That is not acceptable behavior. A HVM would never do this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 02:35 PM
3

💯 Very well said. Hugs to you for surviving an absolutely terrifying relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 11:33 PM
23

“Shark eyes” or “black eyes” like this can also be seen in narcissistic, sociopathic, Cluster B personality-disordered men when their “mask of sanity drops” and they go into a rage. Usually this is hidden from the public, so only their survivors see it. Most people have no idea just how common this is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 04:55 PM
10

Amen! Elizabeth wasn’t even believed by the WA law enforcement authorities she had first contacted. They had the name of the serial killer all along. If only they had believed her, they could have stopped all of the attacks in OR, ID, CO, UT, and FL, not to mention who else he had killed in any number of states that still remains unsolved.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 04:33 PM
6

❤️ Your mom sounds amazing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 03:54 PM
7

Yes, they are all bonkers over there. Rogues gallery of the personality-disordered and delusional.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 03:21 PM
4

Great post. This is my favorite and the most respectful of the 3 Bundy-related programs to drop on Amazon or Netflix in 2019-2020. Last year was the 30th anniversary of his death. I’ve always found this amazingly strong Bundy survivor’s story very compelling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 03:13 PM
12

Well, he’s a con artist who married her, actively tricked her & prevented her from having all of the facts with which she could have meaningfully consented to the move. She should try to move back with the kids and divorce him ASAP though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 02:35 PM
9

Sis watched a videotape she shouldn’t have.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 10:59 AM
14

This. This is why my default is to say very little and let my actions do the talking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 10:53 AM
25

💯 Plus confrontations only ever put the woman into jeopardy. Better to walk away quietly and without chatting about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 10:50 AM
53

He was with his wife. 😭😭
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 10:36 AM
11

Yup! Receive this huge, rare caretaking benefit he’s offering. The flu is no joke. Be well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 10:33 AM
14

IIRC On top of the green card fraud, Terry’s man turned out to be gay, too. Edit- From Oprah: “The then-43-year-old author was vacationing in Jamaica when Jonathan Plummer, a charming 20-year-old Jamaican, first caught her eye. Terry pursued Jonathan even though she was old enough to be his mother.” 2nd edit: Um, that last line is some shade though. Never do I ever see articles written so explicitly calling out the age gap like that with the genders reversed like “Leo pursued [name of model he k…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 10:24 AM
33

Marriage and motherhood leave a woman so incredibly vulnerable. That poor OP totally got played by a lovefraud; he’s probably a sociopath to have picked that time with 2 babies and isolated place 600 miles from her nearest family to premeditatedly pull the rug out from under her like that. It’s stunning how many people would think it’s totally fine that the husband hatched this big plan of discarding his entire very young family here for an affair with an obese white trash lady who is now lowkey…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 10:19 AM
94

“Has a long list of ex-lovers and past flings but has never been married.” Boom! Huge red flag right there for older dudes. He’s not into commitment, as evidenced by the fact he is cheap — he does not invest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 03:09 AM
5

You made the right call! Yes!!!! Marriage — with a lawyer-drafted prenup where each spouse is represented by their own separate counsel— is the only real commitment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 11:25 PM
43

Your pregnant friend needs to see a live local child custody/divorce/family lawyer ASAP to make sure she’s not going to be trapped for the next 18 years in the new state to which the man recently tricked her into moving. Wherever she wants to raise this child with a support network, she needs to get back there right away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 09:28 PM
5

Very eloquently said. Well done getting away from that abuse! It’s not easy to do. ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 06:56 PM
1

Agree! Hussey’s grasp of psychology makes him a great pitch man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 05:01 PM
1

Hussey is an entertaining salesman who has a way with words. I like that he offers women advice to build a great life for themselves, and not have dating be so central in that great life; that goes a bit against society’s PickMe grain. I can’t think of anything he’s suggested recently in the last year or so that would be per se anti-FDS. (That said, I personally wouldn’t pay for any of his materials or seminars.) Hussey’s 2 best contributions have been in free video form: Are You Microdosing In …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 04:55 PM
5

Hussey is an entertaining salesman who has a way with words. I like that he offers women advice to build a great life for themselves, and not have dating be so central in that great life; that goes a bit against society’s PickMe grain. I can’t think of anything he’s suggested within the last 12 months or so anyway that would be per se anti-FDS. (That said, I personally wouldn’t pay for any of his materials or seminars.) Hussey’s 2 best contributions have been in video form: Are You Microdosing I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 04:53 PM
1

I like how you put it: “Just wanted a wife for the sake of society.” Amen!! ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 03:39 PM
22

Yuck. I can’t even. Marriage still sucks for the happiness of the woman even when the man actually puts together an awesome proposal and ring. Like the courtship & engagement are the best parts of the entire marriage deal for women right there! And now women aren’t even getting that. Hell nah! Just because it’s getting popular doesn’t make it right.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 03:31 PM
93

Amen, sis!!! Pregnancy is a health burden that 1 person shoulders— the woman. What a relief that someone up in here grasps the Actual Economics and respected herself enough to make her man pay in full instead of going halfsies because: seX TakES 2 peOPLe. Wtf! Lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 03:25 PM
8

Spot on analysis! 💯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 03:17 PM
29

The signs can be subtle. Never blame yourself for not seeing some of these. They often open with lowkey self-pity. Example 1: Mentions to you on a first date to a nice restaurant that the real love of his life tragically died at age 21 in a car crash abroad. Oh he would have married that (imaginary) girl, too, what a tragic (invented) loss. Another tell is very very subtle Triangulation. His female attention seeking behaviors that are out of place in a particular context, but on the surface scre…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 02:56 PM
15

Triangulation is the term for this. Google “Karpman’s Drama Triangle.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 02:39 PM
51

Money quote from that article: “Professionally ambitious women really only have two options when it comes to their personal partners — a super-supportive partner or no partner at all. Anything in between ends up being a morale- and career-sapping morass.” Truth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 02:34 PM
16

Absolutely right, sis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 02:28 PM
53

Sis, it’s also ok to “judge” your friend on the merits for being a LibFem PickMe. We judge! We’re not Cool Girls who pretend to be good with every behavior under the sun.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 02:20 PM
24

FACTS! 💜 Thank you for the reminder, sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 02:16 PM
19

Stop shooting the messengers, Pick Meees! When you finally figure out what a shit he is, hopefully your healthy friends who tried to tell you so will still take your calls and texts. ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 02:14 PM
38

I like how she calls out the marital dynamic of Wife as “mom, caretaker and anchor.” And how to him she’s just a person for the bieb to have sex with, and share that fact with the entire world 🤮. In other words, she describes a woman being used as what I call a Wife Appliance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 10:37 AM
36

THIS. Exactly right. He’s disordered AF.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 10:21 AM
10

💗 Congrats on your new life in 2020!!! 💖
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 02:58 AM
5

Yes, sis! Amazing song, and hooray for that backbone! ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 02:44 AM
11

IF HE WANTED TO, HE WOULD! Period. Amen! “Taco Bell and a booty call” 😆😭😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 11:06 PM
2

It’s supposedly for men looking to marry. When I tried it, I kept getting matched with much older men who lived far, far away. Everyone was respectful to me, but I have excellent boundaries and don’t tolerate penpalling. The site would occasionally message that they had deleted/blocked a match’s profile for stuff like misrepresenting himself or having been rude to a female user. Three of my matches I had vetted thoroughly then I met in person, they all took me to dinner, and were pretty great at…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 04:07 PM
20

💯 he’ll totally be that late 30s/early 40s “midlife crisis” cheating dad whose “good guy” mask slips and he suddenly blows up his family’s life. He sounds personality disordered AF.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 03:56 PM
30

🏆🤣😂I’m dead!🤣😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 02:15 PM
233

Amen!!! Exactly. Beware moms when an uninvolved dad like this suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, starts taking a very keen interest in his kids’ matters, without the mom asking him to do so? It’s often a clear signal he has consulted a divorce attorney who counseled him to get involved in their child’s education, extracurriculars, medical/dental appointments etc so as to have 50/50 custody to avoid child support. (Just happened to my bestie.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 12:38 AM
64

Living in a self-respecting manner with healthy boundaries is something I do just for myself. Not for a man at all. Not to get a man, not to keep a man. For me. Just for me, doing me. My best me. So I’ll never stop living by these principles.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 09:19 PM
4

“Especially young women are susceptible to crushes” YES. Well said. Age & life experience matter! I do, in general, feel that the younger the reproductive age of woman, the more of an opportunity cost casual sex is — she probably has relationship dreams, maybe kids someday. The older the woman, being a widow or a divorcee, etc the more this type of arrangement makes sense. If you were around for the Bicentennial like I was & you enjoy sex? Then absolutely those FWBs might have a place in your wo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 07:28 PM
5

Completely agree!! I’m tired of the Excessive Male Sympathy and Standard Shaming I’ve been seeing in post after post since the WSJ article came out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 06:29 PM
10

Agree! Too many posts this week praising alleged HVM who are actually cheating pieces of shit! Too much STD activism suggesting women ought to have no standards because: stigma. I could go on, but suffice it to say 💯.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 06:25 PM
53

Yes. Yes. Yes, sis. Also, there are men who very intentionally do & choose the exact thing the woman has stated she does not like. Because to him, it’s about sadistic power. He enjoys gaslighting her and watching her be uncomfortable. It’s about power and control for him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 06:15 PM
8

💯 I support you having whatever boundaries you need to have, sis!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 05:59 PM
6

Amen, sis! There is some weird type of trolling going on here today it seems. Looks like the OP’s posts often go “poof” from what other sisters are saying. Edit: apparently we’re to believe the lie that nobody can afford or even get accepted to get STD testing in 2020 America either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 05:47 PM
5

I’m sorry, your posts keep saying how “PRICEY” tests are. And now you’re suggesting “TESTING PLACES ARE HARD TO FIND AND WOULD NOT TAKE YOU.” Both of your assertions are simply false, sis. I’m all for sisters doing PSA advocacy and dismantling stigma, but please deal in facts. Your anecdotes re: testing are not reflecting the reality of 2020 availability and pricing in the US. Not sure what’s up with your What About-ism here. Thanks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 05:36 PM
1

The public health department then. Or student health. Or Planned Parenthood. There are so many FREE or low cost testing options if you search them out. Edit: OP is apparently downvoting me now for sharing resources for STD testing. Not sure what the agenda is here— FDS is about women getting tested if they want to, not throwing up blocks to doing so.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 05:22 PM
2

I came here to say this. In the US, one can order themselves a true “full panel” STD testing online to places like LabCorp and Concentra that will test you the same day, anonymously for a “full panel” (including HSV-1 AND HSV-2) for approximately $142 USD. Results texted/emailed to you generally within 24-48 hours.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 05:16 PM
18

I’m so sorry. Your gut told you the truth! Affairs have usually been going on a lot longer than you think. Those kids could very well be his. And usually the Other Woman is willing to put up with lower value behavior than anyone should tolerate, such as the disrespect of being a side piece. Being a side piece requires no real skills or assets, and “cheating down” seems to be the norm, afterall. I’m so glad you didn’t marry the guy! Hugs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 04:45 PM
12

This. Choose that therapist VERY carefully though. Make sure you aren’t talking to a Reconciliation Industrial Complex dummy who tries to convince you his cheating was your fault and encourages you to stay in the relationship. Chump Lady is a great support for situations like yours.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 04:39 PM
13

Imma find him some Rogaine. 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 04:00 PM
15

Trust after it’s earned over time, but verify. Trust YOURSELF to be able to spot red flags and to act upon that information, instead of what way too many people do wrong: they constantly shoot the messenger and make excuses to explain away obvious red flags. Avoid doing that and you’ll do fine, sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 02:34 PM
25

You give these slobbering LVM no response to their comments and no attention to their opinions is how. Just silence. Anytime I’m in a situation where a man is going on about hawtbabes!, I seriously just flag it in my mind that he’s a shit and ignore it. LVM’s gonna display low value = not my problem. But if I’m feeling saucy, I can always start sharing my own off the cuff opinions how hot Henry Cavill and Chris Hemsworth are looking to me sometimes, and how I admire the work they put into those …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 02:19 PM
4

Well done leaving all of those toxic institutions and people behind! That’s not easy to do, and it’s true we lose people* in the near term when we make healthy changes. A lot of people never get to where you are right now, sis! Enjoy the view!! Edit: *lose people who were actually of low value, and well worth losing as we level up!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 02:03 PM
2

Whelp, I just vomited in my mouth a little bit there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 12:10 AM
28

Well played, sis! Prenups are essential.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 12:09 AM
33

I’d read the hell outta that!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 12:07 AM
3

2nding this excellent book recommendation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 12:05 AM
9

Nothing but FACTS right there, sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 12:04 AM
12

🏆😭 too true, sis!! 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 12:00 AM
11

Yeah. Ages matter a lot. These arrangements make a ton of sense for older women like me, who already have it all in life and don’t want to change our busy, full lives for a “boyfriend” who risks requiring so much time/ feelings investment, but also don’t want to be celibate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 10:04 PM
13

Never. “But he’s a great guy!!!” low-expectation having Pick Me’s cannot be reached. They may even attack you personally for getting too close to shattering their little Disney illusions. Only thing that works is for you to worry about yourself and get leveled up girlfriends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 09:04 PM
23

Yup. We have an epidemic of women ignoring massive red flag behaviors because: good guy internalized misogyny.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 09:00 PM
20

Thank you, sis. Yes. I propose the “4 man plan” by Cindy Lu where 1 of the 4 men in your rotation is someone respectful of you to sleep with. “FWB” vs “fuck buddy” vs “boyfriend” vs “partner”— I humbly submit we are in a cultural moment where there is no real substantive difference anymore. The ONLY meaningful question is whether or not the relationship is acceptable to a woman personally. Edit: I’ve said it before but I’m partial to “gentleman caller.” But I am an elder.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 07:41 PM
13

Well said! We’re done accepting 2nd class citizen status and letting people make excuses for male fuckwittery. Here’s to keeping it pushing on our OWN behalf! ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 07:33 PM
2

Indeed. To put the hero-worship/pedestaling here more charitably, we all cling to our illusions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 06:32 PM
6

Yes, it takes a woman 7 tries on average to leave a DV situation. Help is available - (USA) The National Domestic Violence Hotline. www.thehotline.org 1-800-799-7233
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 05:53 PM
29

Cheating is a dealbreaker. If a lady has to write to r/ relation-shits to inquire whether or not it’s a “healthy” one? The answer is ofc no. Fuck no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 05:50 PM
24

Bullet dodged for TWO women indeed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 05:44 PM
28

Amen, exactly. This is a tragic loss of a gorgeous young woman who had her whole life ahead of her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 05:42 PM
6

“Jaded Brigade” for life, sis! When an FDS post would be a perfect fit for red pill women, ya know something’s off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 05:28 PM
11

The “bITChes bE CRazY LyING aCcusERs aMIRite??!!”/internalized misogyny trope is a very pervasive narrative in our culture. Unfortunate to see it so entrenched here, but we do enjoy our Good Guy just-so stories.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 02:25 PM
22

Agree. This whole post reeks of Excessive Male Sympathy and naïveté. Edit: Complete with ad hominem attacks on me from the Pick Me* OP and from u/AliceKingsly. Blocked. *The OP’s post Edit wherein she gleefully describes her boyfriend humping Ben’s leg as they all whoop it up in a collective celebratory attack on Ben’s female accuser’s credibility? Wow.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 02:12 PM
-7

And you lost me. I was hoping you’d engage in good faith here. Edit: This post would fit right in over on red pill women. Just replace Ben with CapTAIn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 02:06 PM
21

Not a LOL at all. My point is any allegations of sexual misconduct are always a red flag, which you can then rebut with actual evidence as you have done here. Covert narcissists (aka “vulnerable” or “good guy” Narcs) convince everyone around them they are great guys, meanwhile they gaslight and abuse their targets into looking crazy. Just be aware of that fact pattern is all I’m saying from my perspective as an older FDS member.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 01:54 PM
29

His affair partner at work outed him and nobody believed her version of events because he is such a great guy, huh? 🚩 Edit: Noting your story of a good guy has brought other commenters here to tears, so the concern I’ve articulated is not going to be popular. Never ignore red flags. A man getting falsely accused of cheating is not a terribly common occurrence, sorry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 01:01 PM
9

(You’re a Queen for taking this blunt feedback, & not getting at all defensive about it like I would! 🤣 because sis is absolutely right!)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 10:14 AM
7

Yes, to be fair, I have heard rare tales of such mythical practical unicorns. Sure they exist, in excruciatingly small numbers. “The exception proves the rule” and all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 06:41 PM
11

I get what you’re trying to say. However, when a woman suddenly realizes she’s in the company of a full blown psycho here, not just a regular-way jackass dude, there is a sense of shock that may stun a person for a time. Thus, there’s no per se “wrong” way/time for her to leave that interaction. Faking it until the reasonable pause or conclusion of the meal would also be no less praiseworthy. The analysis is: “Did she survive her date with a psycho, period? Yes?? Ok that was some Queen shit.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 12:35 PM
6

I feel ya. Respect your reasons & restraint. My own process is like this: A confusing experience — is he? or isn’t he? type of shitte— is gonna be a no from me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 10:41 AM
14

Bingo. This applies equally to crappy “friends,” too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 10:25 AM
16

A briefcase full of vibrators!? — he sounds like a psycho. Bullet dodged. Standing up and leaving was an epic move. Well done.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 10:13 AM
26

In addition, the amazing, praiseworthy fact you spotted a dealbreaking red flag, then got up & left and had the strength to block everywhere without a confrontation — that was truly revolutionary. You don’t see your kind of resolute bravery everyday. Brava.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 10:02 AM
45

Hold up. I’m old and can say this with some authority. There is no way for a woman to “not get exploited” in a hetero marriage. Edit: A husband can be solid for the first 2 or so years. Men can fake an entire relationship for literal decades, while never having formed an authentic, reciprocal pair bond. See also “Runaway Husbands” by Vikki Stark. TL;DR Get a prenup.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 09:54 AM
23

Jinx, sis! 🥇Totally agree & you said that very eloquently!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 09:50 AM
47

The women DO get blamed for everything the boy’s father failed to teach him. In cases of active disrespect towards the mom in her home, I’ve seen time and again how once she gets a backbone and divorces his ass, the son straightens out and starts treating his mom with due respect— being raised by a single mom can sometimes be a benefit for a young man in terms of seeing the real issues and stepping up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 09:49 AM
3

Totally Pick me-ish! “#8 Be a good kisser/in bed” made me want to vom. And #9 was Pick me shitte to the max: “Men often drive the conversations in around sex, if that’s not what you’re looking for just ask good questions.” Da Fuq?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 09:44 AM
10

Ah... you write so eloquently about what it was like to be deep in the feels! Limerence is a helluva drug! 😭
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 09:19 AM
23

Let’s repeat this please for those in the back who didn’t hear ya, sis! HE SHOULD ALWAYS SAY IT FIRST
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 04:06 AM
20

I think I'm on a different path. I think I've outgrown romantic love as I used to understand it. Love is a bigger, wider, deeper more profound thing than it was whenever I was all about being part of a couple. Don't turn away from love. Just know where to put love and what kind of love is called for. Kids, animals, the vulnerable. Your true friends. One kind of love for family & friends who reciprocate your efforts, another kind for those that don't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 04:02 AM
20

I love and have always loved Dr. Ruth! Her life story is so incredible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 03:25 AM
12

Agree. Zero tolerance also for enablers of abusive folk more generally as well. I see Pick Meeees everywheres basically.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 03:17 AM
-5

Nope, PickMe to the max as of the current news cycle. Terrible enabling mom modeling excessive rescuing behaviors and still getting into screaming matches with Affleck. Source: public altercation Thanksgiving 2019. It’s not a “good mom” at all to allow a man you’re fully divorced from to scream at you in earshot of your 3 young kids, because Garner refuses to set some damn boundaries & standards with his alcoholic ass. Go to AlAnon, Jen! You didn’t cause it, you can’t change it, and you can’t co…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 01:51 AM
9

🏆 “Bundy had some nice traits, too” 😭🤣 speaking of, I’ll be watching that new doc about his female survivors and victims that just dropped on Amazon.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 09:39 PM
19

Quick looks when his phone is in your plain view. No password required to do what I just suggested. Here’s how one wise woman (u/QueenPenthesilea) here did it: “It was such a fluke...he had his phone connected to the bluetooth speakers in his condo, so he could play music during dinner. Turns out when you're connected to speakers and on Spotify, your phone doesn't go to lockscreen - tip for the future, maybe ask a guy to put on music so his phone stays unlocked”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 09:04 PM
27

Did you see that post by the lady who looked at her date’s phone and found he’d just been watching cam girl porn, so she walked out of their dinner without a word? THAT’s the mood you want to emulate here, sis. Not “hey I think ur a cheater gimme ur phone” — just simply get a quick look at it from time to time when he leaves it in your possession alone. Follow your instincts— now you know what it feels like to be dating a cheater, you’ll see those subtle cheater habits pop up, then you’ll find t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 08:32 PM
7

I came here to say this. Gonna go listen to “She-Wolf” by Shakira now. 🐺 ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 07:46 PM
41

Ha! Tell that to Lauren Sanchez, the 50-year-old single mom of 3 kids by 2 different men, who recently bagged and snookered former “world’s richest man” Jeff Bezos.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 07:43 PM
4

Yes, ma’am!!!! A consummate actor who has kick ass career longevity. Adore her!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 07:05 PM
5

Jane Fonda. Oprah!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 07:03 PM
9

Agree completely! With her Ivy League degree, her single mom by choice lifestyle, her humor and tremendous talent— epic HVW here!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 07:01 PM
2

Moved on? My point is Garner hasn’t actually “climbed out of the deep dark” Affleck pit at all though! Look at her actions: she is still orbiting him 24/7 as his self-styled sobriety manager. I’d be happy to celebrate HVW who actually HAVE moved on (edit: moved on meaning not just fucking a new dude ASAP ofc) and not merely “divorced.” Let’s look at FACTS and level up who we praise here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 06:59 PM
5

Amen! I friend dumped a lady like that who ran her mouth constantly about people and then would turn around and kiss their asses and fly her family half way around the world to go visit them! Maybe we had the same passive aggressive ex friend? 😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 06:52 PM
4

Respectfully disagree, she is hugely enmeshed with crazy ex-hubby Ben Affleck and still, years later, to this day orbits him constantly, far past the point of what is healthy or well-boundaried “fOr THe KiDS.” Pick Me Jennifer didn’t really want the divorce and it shows by how long she took to GTFO.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 06:44 PM
4

Gotta love the old timey Roladex she busts out. R.I.P. Carrie Fisher and Nora Ephron!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 06:13 PM
21

Sounds like a Joey Buttafuoco-ish married groomer of young, impressionable women got his hooks in her. Bet he’s a Cluster B.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 04:33 PM
11

Exactly! It’s a testament to what a low key psycho Lennon was that even Eric Clapton called Lennon out in his autobiography for being cruel to grown women as a young musician.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 04:24 PM
12

❤️👑 yes!!!!! “Or less cute couples” 😭😆🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 03:18 PM
33

Exactly— and at least JLo didn’t get chained to him for 18 years to life by having kids with him. Jennifer Garner still orbits him “fOR tHE KiiiDs” more than is necessary or healthy. Ugh. Edit: Garner is PickMe to the max as of the current news cycle. Terrible modeling for those kids of her excessive rescuing/enabling behaviors and still getting into screaming matches with Affleck as recently as Thanksgiving 2019! Years after separating and divorcing. It’s not a “good mom” at all to allow a man …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 03:15 PM
23

Age is irrelevant. My 73 year old colleague with 3 divorces and 4 kids and tons of grandkids just got married again to a younger man, after breaking up with an even younger man than him, and her new husband takes great care of her and adores her. She found him by playing the field for a looooong time, being kind of a flirtatious but tough lady towards everyone men/women/everyone (she’s kind of like a female Captain Kirk— random I know), focusing on her career, rejecting a lot of turds, and enjoy…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 01:06 PM
43

“Hey, I’m sorry I didn’t text you on your birthday, but I hope it was a good one. Things were really busy at work, and I had the opportunity to travel to KC for the playoff game with ....”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 12:15 PM
83

Yup! And ya just know Solange beat his ass in that elevator after the 2014 Met Gala for good reason, too. While pickme Beyoncé stood idly by.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 03:15 AM
1

Amen, sis!! 💯❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 11:05 PM
13

Amen, sis! Sounds like you had an awesome, non-victim blaming/mislabeling therapist!!! Codependent is a SLUR.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 05:07 PM
30

“Leave A Cheater, Gain A Life” by Tracy Schorn aka Chump Lady is a game-changing book for healing from the gaslighting infidelity abuse you’ve just experienced again. It’s not “codependent” (a victim-blaming term when applied outside of substance abuse issues such as this) you were abused, and probably have a trauma bond. EMDR is a helpful therapy, along with talk therapy from a therapist who understands that cheating and gaslighting are forms of intimate partner violence (IPV). Hugs & peace to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 01:15 PM
14

Block harder than LEGO, sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 01:11 PM
15

Well done, sis!!!! 🥇You’re worthy & deserved better parents than the ones life has dealt you. Once you’re moved out of your toxic childhood home situation, you’ll feel even better & leveled-up! ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 01:09 PM
4

Really respect your list!!! 👑 Am totally with you on 3-7!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 10:14 PM
29

🥇this is a very wise comment. Worthy of a post on manipulating via faux-intimacy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/20 11:45 PM
56

It’s not even a debatable point that women are much happier single than married. Marriage makes men happier. No matter how society’s BS dresses it up, it really is all about securing female labor & caretaking for him. “Happy wives” are generally either one of 2 things: 1) they’ve been raised to have low expectations and thus, are happy to serve their man, and will not examine how it’s not authentically reciprocal, or 2) the wife still has an information problem: she hasn’t been married long enou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/20 04:24 PM
11

This made me laugh and I’m nodding amusedly in total agreement! 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 10:29 PM
14

Yup— lovebombing is what I would call it if some dude starting trying to lock me down after a mere 7 months. The bad ones always rush the pace of the relationship. That’s one very big tell.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 10:22 PM
57

I’ve only ever watched the movie. Her terrible friends are the most undermining bunch of a-holes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 10:17 PM
6

💯 while I am not this type of woman, my BFF is this type of woman and this is precisely what she says.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 03:48 PM
3

In the US they’re on the website of the courts of the county where the divorce decree was issued. Sometimes behind a paywall for like $25 you can have a month’s access to all public case filings. Or sometimes for free if you go to the courthouse there might be a public access terminal. There are other ways to get this info, but that’s not a bad price for that level of access.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 03:42 PM
6

Oh yeah. I did not go out with him. He had every red flag flying. Turned out he had lied to me by omission about his second divorce being final — told me he had “been divorced for about 4 years” but in reality 4 years was about how long it had been since his second wife had left him and filed. The whole truth was he was actually still in the middle of his second divorce, but wanted to fool women into thinking he was “divorced” instead of just “separated.” Yuck. Hard pass on divorcing or freshly-…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 01:48 PM
8

Yes— google search for Cluster B personality disorders. This is the typical covert narcissist pattern of devaluation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 01:44 PM
4

❤️ You are a really good person! My best to you!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 12:52 PM
19

Yup. Met a twice divorced guy who told me his first wife left him because “She wasn’t the right one” for him, and he “ignored his gut feelings about that at the time”... and he has “never gotten over the death of the real love of his life!” (who was his ex girlfriend who died in an accident at 22 while traveling in Asia).... and his second divorce was because he got his subordinate at work pregnant, made her do everything at home, and she hated being a stepmom to his kids from his first marriage…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 02:05 AM
28

And if he’s divorced, read all of his actual court documents online. If they turn up anything funny, get a referral to a family lawyer (preferably who is herself an older divorced woman) and run all of it by her. She can give you great advice on if/how to proceed, a cohabitation agreement, a pre-nup etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 11:47 PM
4

Ofc this is a hard pass for her! Two age gap issues + one ‘Don’t Shit Where U Eat’ issue are all operating here. She’s a 40-year-old mom of a 13-year-old son. So a 29 year old is REALLY not old enough to have legally fathered a teen child- that’s an important age gap to consider, too & I applaud her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 07:31 PM
56

Yup. Honestly, I’m on the side of the 10 and 8 year old little girls. I’d be curious to see what the divorced couple’s parenting plan says about having paramours around the kids. My guess is their mother is trying to act in their best interests and knows what the 22-year-old preggo is too naive to grasp: that this young lady isn’t the only one in the dad’s barely-legal harem. He’s gross AF!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 03:55 PM
3

Yes! I’m on the side of the 10 and 8 year old little girls. I’d be curious to see what the divorced couple’s parenting plan says about having paramours around the kids. My guess is their mother is trying to act in their best interests and knows what the 22-year-old preggo is too naive to grasp: that this young lady isn’t the only one in the dad’s barely-legal harem. He’s gross AF!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 03:52 PM
38

I know a woman in a similar age-gap abusive situation, only they eventually married for 15 years, until one day she finally had an epiphany about why his First Wife divorced him when their younger child was only 6 months old: he’s a Cluster B and gets off on neglecting women. It’s one of the most high-conflict divorces I have ever witnessed, dragged on for years, one of the kids attempted suicide. Awful, awful traumas.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 03:26 PM
19

Exactly! He was too buuuuusy being OfF da GrIDdd to take less than half a minute to text her. 🤣😭😆Low effort AF.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 02:32 PM
68

Amen! Study after study shows women are FAR happier single than married. Reality: Divorce is the number one predictor of poverty for women. So I am not persuaded by pro-marriage rhetoric (usually by young, never-married women up in here) espousing BS arguments like: “Marriage can save you thousands every year in taxes and health insurance!” Wrong. Not the full economic picture here at all. So can a job with good benefits. Or getting claimed as a domestic partner. “If your spouse dies you don’t h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 02:29 PM
20

The core issue here is she is ::waiting for him to change:: after 3 years. We all need to evaluate situations AS THEY ARE CURRENTLY. A woman’s life should not be on hold for anyone she isn’t responsible for raising. That he didn’t propose on the big trip means he won’t be doing that anytime soon. Like for years longer, if ever. So, time to break up and find someone who also wants that illusory Disney movie garbage institution we call marriage, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 12:51 PM
10

Amen, preach!!! 👑 Sometimes comments are just truer than true. Engagement does not equal “path to awesome relationship,” it means the exact damn opposite. Unhappiness & being stuck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 12:45 PM
14

Less is more with texting. There is no need for you to fear “looking disinterested”— on the contrary, it’s far more attractive to have a life and passions and responsibilities such that you are simply not available to play on your phones all day long. All depends on how old you are and what life responsibilities you have. The older & more accomplished you are, the less frequently you should be texting (per The Rules by Fein & Schneider). “Not Your Mother’s Rules” has a text back timing chart bas…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 10:29 PM
4

Exactly! They will lovebomb & do whatever it takes to bed a new lady.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 05:06 PM
57

Yes! There is an older but good book about this exact phenomenon called “Mothers On Trial.” Also the Laura Dern divorce attorney character in “Marriage Story” gives a spot-on monologue about moms having to be perfect just to get basic custody rights to their children vs an average father with a great lawyer. Courts don’t grasp Cluster B men, how they will irrationally spend hundreds of thousands of dollars just to screw over their ex wife because they know she loves the kids. Kids that he will h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 04:29 PM
5

Yes!! Post request on this exact topic somebody pretty please!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 04:23 PM
15

Agreed! She turned 43 and performed in the Super Bowl yesterday. Her eyes look very untouched and gorgeous and natural!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 04:21 PM
3

I came to say this! She is adorbs and hilarious and amazing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 03:44 PM
5

A very savvy take. Spot on! Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 03:28 PM
1

Have your lawyer send the creep(s) a cease and desist letter putting them on legal notice to stop slandering you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 01:27 PM
33

The Rules books by Fein & Schneider have advice about the rules for marriage. Boils down to “Be easy to live with” and “never stop doing the rules” (look good, have your own interests etc). Sounds like a Pick Me situation if you really think about it. Because that’s what marriage is. “Single” is a FAR happier life status for a woman than “married” is. All of the research keeps saying this. It’s not even a debatable point. I feel like it’s a conspiracy of silence about what really goes on for mos…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 10:50 AM
1

She’s a Queen!!!! Bullet dodged! What a creepy series of lies and omissions on Aladdin’s part. Major red flags there - at least 5 that I counted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/20 05:23 PM
9

There is always expectation on the man’s end: that is, to extract the most value out of you for the lowest cost. You’re giving him a very good deal indeed. It’s not even remotely EQUAL “investment” on both parts. We are talking for Valentine’s Day. So you have opportunity costs for what a wealthier man who is not a student could be doing to treat you. And here you are carrying the entire mental load for planning these recipes as well. Anything about this “gift” is one he is actually giving to hi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/20 04:30 PM
19

Wifey shit is basically anything his mama or daddy or tippy toeing granny would have done for him (or have hired/online-ordered for him) when he was first leaving their nest & launching into adulthood as a college student, and they kinda secretly feared he couldn’t wipe his ass properly yet. Freezer meals are... uh, not super attractive. They scream level-jumping Pick Me! “Here’s how I am of such awesome use as a mate! I am a great cook and I am incredibly organized & ready to serve! Let’s have …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/20 03:45 PM
9

Yes! 🥇
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 08:52 PM
1

Marriage confirms NOTHING. It is a legal structure making it harder to leave when things either go south, bore you to death, or deeply disgust you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 04:40 PM
9

I came here to say this. Cohabitating has destroyed the mystery of what you would be like as his wife. Conquest over.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/20 11:37 PM
12

Exactly! Sounds like a Cluster B’s “hoover” move.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/20 02:14 PM
14

Agreed. OLD, when done strategically, on the right sites, with liberal use of the block/delete functions, and with deliberate, strict standards, works well & saves a ton of time. It’s my preferred method. Set ups by people I know IRL have been the worst experiences for me personally.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/20 02:03 PM
62

You dodged a bullet. Re-block him everywhere. Stop doubting yourself, you made the right move blocking completely and swiftly the first time he got abusive on you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/20 01:57 PM
10

I enjoyed his book both as a how-to for having standards, and as a love letter to his 3rd and current wife, Marjorie who, as his girlfriend, was a single mother of three who gave him an ultimatum about how she’s not a plaything, and walked out on his ass. Steve responded to her standards by marrying Marjorie, and then writing that book as a model for what Steve thinks of as high value woman behaviors. Harvey has been married three times and has seven children (four biological and three stepchild…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/20 01:53 PM
77

Yes indeed! The more people level up and have standards & firm boundaries, the more the clown trash takes itself out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 02:35 PM
24

Smile and nod at grandma. Share very little about your life. Take nothing she says personally. Understand the historical perspective at age 87 in the (I presume) US today, it means she came of age and was a teen bride at a time when a woman could not legally have her own bank account until the 1970s, the law did not yet recognize marital rape, and her female elders didn’t even have the right to vote until 1920. Which makes it all the more badass when an octogenarian woman says something super wo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/20 03:30 PM
17

Agree completely! The young pickmes are the biggest worry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/20 03:24 PM
22

Ha ha. You’ve got the wrong lady. So! Tell me, how do ::you:: remain confident with your looks?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/20 01:10 PM
16

Respectfully, Tyler Perry’s most famous character is Madea, based on his wise, no-nonsense Southern female elders. Madea is the exact opposite of the pattern you are describing. Madea is a model for HVW behavior, including modeling several strategies for standing up to abusive men and bullies, and living a great life without a romantic partner. I’ve seen the hate for Perry parroted around Reddit a lot recently and think it’s bizarre given how Madea is actually a total Queen who would fit right i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/20 12:26 PM
42

Best to assume most surgeons are Cluster B’s. His dramatic and erratic behavior pattern of constantly uprooting the family, isolating them and causing chaos and instability for them, his appalling lack of empathy, the financial abuse and dissipation of marital assets, not to mention the cheating he’s obviously been doing that she doesn’t mention because she likely doesn’t fully know about all of it yet, and then the horribleness of discarding his own four young children (!!!!) certainly suggest …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/20 12:05 PM
30

Right! His little head’s terrible taste proves that his judgment ain’t shit, and tells us his co-founder/former wife was probably the real brains behind the company’s successful strategy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 06:40 PM
10

Exactly! Pretty easy for the feds to track the “hundreds of thousands of dollars” in payments AMI made to Sánchez’s manager/brother in exchange for her text evidence of the affair. Never, ever trust a cheater! Edit: Hmmm.....I’ll say it again, cheaters are fucking repugnant. Jeff Bezos deserves every bit of the shitshow in which he finds himself. Part of me hopes he doubles down on his terrible life choices, marries her, and loses the other half of his fortune!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 06:25 PM
30

💯 Sánchez and her brother are at potential risk for federal indictment. They’re going to need good lawyers, especially if Bezos ever wises up as to who had motive and opportunity plus a vested interest in breaking up his marriage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 06:09 PM
175

Facts: Sánchez is a 50-year-old, married (separated) mother of 3 children (ages 18, 13, and 11) by two different men, who just pulled and then snookered the world’s (former) wealthiest man. 🤣🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 05:21 PM
14

Good move. Now I want a KitKat. And! I’d like a guy who knows to carry KitKats and feed me one when I’m hangry. If only men behaved like a typical thoughtful woman. Sigh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 04:22 PM
4

Right! She shouldn’t have even bothered responding to his 2am drunken messages at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 04:17 PM
2

Good for you for being true to yourself and not attending that wedding. Sounds like she has no boundaries at all, and you don’t want that rubbing off on you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 04:16 PM
1

Yup! He is rageaholic trash, many times over.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 03:54 PM
50

Nice Mommy gave her little boy a KitKat! Lol - glad he’s an ex and not someone you’re shackled to for life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 03:51 PM
15

Christ on a cracker, this dude! Turns out, they are married but don’t live in the same state. Can you say “Side piece in the other state” ?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 03:29 PM
14

Yes! Jesus, there is nothing to work with here at all. Kind of stunned none of the other answers here (so far) are saying delete/block right now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 03:06 PM
7

Two months is nothing. He’s not entitled to an explanation after mere weeks. You feeling like to do so would be “harsh” is something you could reflect on privately— we’ve been socialized to be brainwashed into thinking we owe men who we hardly even know these “explanations” — when here they are making our spidey senses tingle. Lean into that awesome self-protective instinct that made you post about this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 08:04 PM
6

Yup. 💯 it really is that simple. Block. Bullet dodged!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 08:00 PM
5

Exactly right. I know of one Cluster B abuser who didn’t drop his mask until 15 years into the relationship & his victim was pregnant with their 3rd baby. His victim found out from one of his affair partners whom he had ghosted— this unknowing affair partner learned the truth that he was actually a married father, then contacted his wife to let her know he had been living an entire secret life. Which later turned out to be secret lives plural: Complete with him getting sued for years of unpaid c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 07:43 PM
27

Sounds like you were narcissistically abused by a Cluster B/sociopath. And probably had a trauma bond. These break-ups are not like regular way breakups from non-pathological men, rather these take a long time to heal from. Trauma-informed therapy from a therapist who understands complex-PTSD could be helpful. I think you have to stop blaming yourself for being tricked by a lovebomber. Understand that even licensed, trained counselors are fooled by Cluster B’s every day. There may not have been …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 06:58 PM
22

Amen, sis! Also, I see this too often here, but WTF with the “he helps...” phrasing of a man “helping” with the chores in his own damn home?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 04:20 PM
9

Yup. Women who want to get solid, non-pickme advice need to make a throwaway account, flip the genders, and ask on those subs as a man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 03:24 PM
26

r/NatureIsFuckingLit enhances my sense of wonder about the world. Also I enjoy lurking on relationship advice subs for the male asker — they are never labeled as such, but that’s what they ofc are. He so often gets great advice (Man, dump the mofo already! Hit the gym & Lawyer up!). And then contrasting the fabulous advice a guy gets with the crap advice women askers get (“Woman, always take the most charitable view of anything he says or does & stay in the relationship no matter what!”)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 02:51 PM
46

This is a prime example of how society trains women to ignore their crystal clear intuition/“spidey sense” to avoid a gaslighting abuser. Whoever ends up with this dude is going to waste a lot of her life trying to please him with his ever-moving, vague goalposts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 02:31 PM
6

Damn, that is awful. IUDs seem to either be one extreme or the other. So many are horrible for a woman (my BFF who had one negligently placed having never given birth before & it punctured her uterus). But for others are one of the best things ever (my Mirena is the best investment I ever made. Cured me of uncontrollably heavy periods instantly, was painlessly placed, & I will never go without one.) Hugs & healing to you, OP!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/20 09:34 PM
30

Detach. Worry about yourself. Let the person reach out to you. Date yourself, date others. “If it’s not Fuck Yes, it’s Hell No” has a lot of merit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/20 05:16 PM
41

“I don’t ever call a guy out. I just mirror him exactly.” THIS! This is a truly golden safety lesson you’ve learned. Good job on learning to spot & quickly act on red flags by GTFO without any type of confrontation. This advice could seriously save a life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/20 02:18 PM
2

“If someone wants to leave, let them!” Madea is the greatest. I legit love this HVW Queen of a character.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/20 04:10 AM
97

This is what fake email was made for! Send the proof, do not give your name.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/20 02:15 PM
45

💯 Cheating husbands make up the craziest untrue taunts like this. Total projection, he is really talking about his own genital odors & fat rolls.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/20 02:07 PM
24

“Spinster” used to mean a never-married woman who could support herself economically by spinning textiles, and thus, typically had no financial need to marry. 🧵
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/20 10:36 PM
13

She said she feels like the ring sitting there in the room is taunting her. Um, don’t be like Gollum, sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 08:25 PM
9

Yes, although she should definitely consult a live local family lawyer as to the possible legal consequences (e.g. no alimony) of doing any kind of dating before a final divorce decree is signed by a judge.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 06:26 PM
6

💯 r/raisedbynarcissists, STAT!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 05:14 PM
8

You find a HVM FWB right behind other mythical creatures like Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny & The Tooth Fairy & Pegasus is where, sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 05:35 PM
10

Was initially hoping at first glance here beyond hope this might be written by a gay man helping young closeted guys to be out and proud? But no. Nope, just a sad, misguided Pick Me Patty who doesn’t respect herself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 05:31 PM
24

My dad would tell you marrying for looks instead of a good person is the exact mistake he made over 45 years ago. My mom is a model gorgeous ice queen who treats everyone in her life terribly. I’m grateful for my existence, but my dear dad would have been far better off in terms of life happiness by completely avoiding a mean hottie like her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 05:20 PM
3

Stop thinking this was anything you did or didn’t do. Stay mellow. The right one for you doesn’t give you cause for concern like this. The right one for you isn’t going to stop reaching out to you for a week because you have plans with your family.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/20 11:22 PM
19

She has profoundly low expectations, and labors under the false belief that all men are disloyal, and so her post is an identity claim seeking to normalize infidelity abuse. If you’re willing to eat garbage, you never have to go grocery shopping. But you have to be ok with eating actual garbage that can make you very ill.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/20 08:22 PM
-1

Yay🏅for me!!! So happy you’re happy for me. You’ve said more here than you have ever said in your actual relationship. Communicate with the actual person you can’t stand.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/20 07:11 PM
2

Listen, hints don’t work on men, sis. You’re still with him exclusively— your actions & words are not consistent. Stop seeing this man & his diet habits may improve, while your emotional health will most definitely improve by not being around someone you gotta make a post about, monitor the eating habits of like you’re his mom, and can’t honestly talk to beyond hinting about issues. His health is his problem. Vote with your feet. Next!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/20 07:10 PM
5

Then she should just get gone from that dude. Not being able to bring it up is the larger issue. Weight can always be lost. If she cannot talk to her man that’s a dealbreaker.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/20 03:36 PM
9

I love this! Congrats on the journey to happiness & joy, sis!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/20 02:41 PM
12

Same, sis! I completely know exactly what attracts me, just haven’t come across him yet. I’ll enjoy the fuck out of life and maybe he’ll show up to the party, maybe not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/20 02:40 PM
12

Amen! I have yet to see a marriage that’s up to my own standards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/20 02:34 PM
13

Women feel real love all the time. It is hardly ever authentically reciprocated, regardless of what the man keeps saying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/20 02:32 PM
9

Yup. 💯A man can lose 20 so quickly. Edit: totally agree that if any human being said that to me as a woman, I would leave their ass so fast!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/20 01:19 PM
13

I’ve learned that a man with a horrible mother like that, who he had to get rid of so he could be married, has far too much baggage to make an excellent husband for long. A little bit of therapy isn’t enough to cure that mess. He’s ofc cheating and still watching porn, but you just haven’t discovered it yet— because on some level you don’t want to discover that type of a total dealbreaker and have to divorce, which you need to do. Under no circumstances is an intentional 6-month dead bedroom a m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/20 01:05 PM
21

Amen! Once a cheater....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/20 08:30 PM
16

Last I checked, Matt Damon is still very good friends with rapey Casey Affleck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 05:22 PM
16

I understand this post!! Keep those high standards. Yes, Queen!! “You are who your friends are” as the saying goes. So you have to make sure you keep those PickMe Patty’s at arm’s length lest they infect you with their total lack of boundaries with men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 05:12 PM
27

Amen, sis! This is exactly why women are happier single!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 04:55 PM
32

The usual “Have you tried talking to him?” HA! Spot-on. As if men listen to ::words::. They only listen to ::actions::. Sis needs to see a divorce lawyer, this shit never gets better, and the younger the kids are, the easier divorce is for them. She’d be far healthier & better off having entire weekends off in a joint custody situation, where she’d be free to rest and relax.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 04:48 PM
7

Exactly right! Most guys cannot handle being FWB— they lack the basic relationship skills to make it not a complete waste of time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 02:43 PM
14

My best self is my single self! Freedom feels amazing, and it is wonderful to choose myself & have total control of my time and money. Love it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 02:41 PM
29

Bullet dodged! Excellent red flag spotting. You are quite correct this man is unstable, and also manipulative. Psychopaths/sociopaths/Cluster B’s often open with this kind of faux vulnerability schtick. They are testing for a woman with overflowing empathy to use.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 02:32 PM
20

What’s that sound? It’s the sound of a married cheating sociopath! Nobody wants to hear your fictional dead bedroom/crazy wife tales of woe you fugly, fucked up SOB.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 02:27 PM
72

I came here to say this. The ol “sorry I banged your BFF” proposal. 🤡💩
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 05:50 PM
20

No need to get him a gift only 2 months into a relationship. You’re on a student budget. Women place a lot more value on gifts than men do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 02:45 AM
4

“Living well is always the best revenge.” “The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/19 02:23 AM
3

That’s it! This is the way, the truth and the light! Step into the light.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/19 02:54 AM
9

“A deal like that is too good to pass up.” AMEN! Very well said.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/19 11:14 PM
5

Well said, sis! 🥇
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/19 10:48 PM
38

Oh he still fucks anything that moves. Has never been faithful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/19 10:19 PM
16

Amen! Cleaning & fellatio are why he would want such an arrangement where he keeps her a secret from his actual family and life. Fuck that noise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/19 02:14 PM
1

“Sorry I was too busy to text you on your birthday.” Bye, fuckboi. 🤡💩
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/19 12:48 PM
21

Agree! Therapists and social workers are almost always of the pickme school of life. “Save the relationship!” they say. (Throw the woman under the bus in the process ofc). I have a few women friends in this line of work and their boundaries suck so bad, their children run all over them, fuck, they need FDS in their life!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/19 12:42 PM
38

Our NO’s need to be shorter and more succinct. Save the long paragraphs. Never explain.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/19 12:19 PM
3

Cluster b personality disorders Runaway husbands are almost always covert narcissists.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/19 11:41 AM
16

Cluster B and sociopathic men are attracted to successful and gorgeous women such as these goddesses. They also tend to be “runaway husband” types who live secret lives, serially cheating, and hiding it extremely well. Compounding this, women who know their worth tend to rightly demand more of their men & confront the shit out of LV husbands; these women are not doormats without self-esteem— ::those:: doormat-ish types of emotionally abused women hardly ever get left, as long as they are of use …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/19 11:35 PM
7

Nah. Withdraw completely. Just stop responding.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/19 11:03 PM
10

My pleasure, sis!!!! Cindy Lu seriously ought to be a household name bc she’s a courtship genius.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/19 03:01 PM
50

Your coworker is everything!!! 🥇Sounds like she was doing something similar to The 4-Man Plan by Cindy Lu (but with 3 guys instead of 4).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/19 11:39 AM
166

Overlapping relationships are a huge 🚩 red flag, sis! Good thing you dumped him first before he cheated on you just like he did to his last girlfriend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/19 02:53 AM
16

Stop. Work on your boundaries. You met a week ago. Dear lawd.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 08:03 PM
5

“I thought he was playing mindgames and I was ready to give him the boot...” HE IS, SIS! Next! Mental illness is a dealbreaker. Wtf?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 08:00 PM
6

So my verbiage “he will never meet my kids and vice versa” is for a few reasons: 1) It’s a crystal clear boundary proclamation to anyone who might inquire, to better protect me from ever becoming a stepmom in the future, because stepmoms are the least happy women period (probably even far moreso for staunch Introverts like me); 2) As time goes on, I’m facing increasing well-intended (I hope?) social pressure to formally repartner, and I have done a lot of personal work to know myself super well,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 07:00 PM
27

Good start! “Can’t do either. Lunchtime is better” would have been my reply.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 05:08 PM
11

Hooray!!!! Choosing yourself!!!!! Yaas Queen 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 05:04 PM
50

Discerning a lovebombing from a healthy courtship is hard without the benefit of TIME. There is a reason psychopath “Dirty John” proposed to his female victims within weeks of meeting. Time reveals the truth. Give it enough time and their masks of sanity will eventually fall. Which is why we have to control the pace of relationships, while being red flag detectives. I’ve dated 2 Covert Narcs in my time who looked like super HVMs at the start, and charmed everyone. Every narc has a secret-ish his…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 03:52 PM
34

Edit: context for me is 43 introverted AF widow/mom who only casually dates 35+ dads who will never meet my kids & vice versa 2nd Edit: No Mr. Passive Aggressive BS. I fucking hate passive aggressive behaviors in any human being, in any capacity. Period. No separated or recently-divorced dads No man who smokes or does drugs No lovebombing No dads who fail to take all of their custodial time No one culturally illiterate No man who has never been tested
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 01:14 PM
1

I came here late to say this. The man sounds like a covert narc. No contact with him and your so-called friend is the answer here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 12:57 PM
5

Honestly? I take a step back from friends who have no boundaries like that, because it’s dramaz, and I find them tedious AF.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 11:28 AM
4

That Queen has her priorities exactly right!!!!! Her son has a great mom. ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 11:17 AM
5

Holy fucking shit! A man dating you since actual weeks ago in August and it’s only now December did WHAT??!!!! Rushing the pace of the relationship towards immediate cohabitation is such a huge 🚩 red flag. Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 11:11 AM
4

Well done, sis!! This is also why unless the man is my actual child, client, or student, I never use words to attempt to “teach” what ought to be common courtesy type of behaviors, like doing what a person said they are going to do. It really is that simple.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 11:08 AM
12

Run, sis!!!! RUN!!!!!!! 🧟‍♂️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 02:31 AM
5

You are awesome, and what a long journey you’ve had! Thank you for this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 10:16 PM
2

💯 (Ms. Liz Tuccillo is one of the authors)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 04:43 PM
3

Very well said! 💯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 03:51 PM
10

Correct. Lost me after “And if you follow that train of thought” in which she blames the book for ideas it absolutely does not espouse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 03:44 PM
4

Disagree with your “and if you follow that train of thought” tangent, as if you are quoting the actual book you are trying to call out. That’s not what the book says at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 03:42 PM
3

Exactly. It’s manipulation, part and parcel of what safety experts are talking about when they say leaving a relationship is a most dangerous time for a woman. If he’s expressing suicidal threats/ideations, call 911 for him, they are trained to handle this, and if he’s bullshitting this will get him straightened out real quick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 11:25 AM
34

“a whole D cup” 🤮😤🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 04:04 AM
43

He’s a teen virgin, not a 40-year-old virgin. Big difference. I think it’s perfectly fine. Have fun.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 12:47 AM
24

No military. No cohabitating men. No separated men. No recently divorced dads.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 12:45 AM
48

Congrats, sis! I’d never know from your eloquent writing here that English isn’t your mother tongue. Yaasss Queen!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/19 09:31 PM
24

She needs to see a lawyer ASAP to get a plan for full custody and child support sorted out yesterday. Jesus. They get side-tracked worrying about the relationship, when they need to focus on securing the kid’s financial future. Edit: Here’s baby daddy’s strategy in case it’s not obvious. The longer he can keep these two women pickme dancing, the longer he can delay either of them enforcing family court orders on him. Next he’ll suggest faux polyamory. Ladies, dick is abundant — make a baby with …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/19 09:24 PM
91

IF the goal is a bio child sans donor/medical interventions up the wazoo... then yeah, a 39-year-old lady having spent 2 years on a cheating Crypt Keeper — even a filthy rich one— was a risk. He could have given her diseases. All male cheaters are LV, no matter how rich they are. If you fuck with a known cheater for long, his LV cooties get up in ur biznazz, too. 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/19 06:17 PM
26

Seeing these pictures of fugly rich male celebs who have fallen off, and my gaze immediately goes to the ginormous sunken bags under their eyes! Da fuq? 15 minutes in one of those med spa or derm’s offices found everywhere could pretty much make that shit look presentable! Women spend a small fortune to take care of those issues. No excuses, Matt!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/19 05:02 PM
7

Just watched it... ho lee phuukkkk that story is messed up. Good lessons on spotting red flags though!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 11:42 PM
4

(Above you stated you can only use the Kaiser lab?) “Hey there! It’s time we both got tested. [Link to test arranging site I provided or similar👆🏼👆🏼] LMK your availability.” AND YOU DO NOT RESPOND TO ANYTHING FURTHER FROM HIM THAT IS NOT A STATEMENT OF HIS AVAILABILITY. Do not falter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 07:42 PM
9

I never kiss on first meeting. Usually I find a way to communicate my standard beforehand so I can nope out of anyone who disrespects it. I’ve only ever slept with men to whom I’ve been engaged/married. Not the norm at all in this day and age, but I’m extremely happy with my choice. Glacial pace relationships show you a man’s real character. Only users are in a hurry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 07:35 PM
9

In the US, you can order a full STD panel without involving a doctor or your insurance company for under $200. You can get same-day testing and confidential results texted to you within 24-48 hours.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 02:54 PM
1

“If someone tell you who they are, even jokingly... believe them!” YAASSSS, Queen!!! Even if it is extremely subtle and “humorous” — believe it!! Example: my stalker ex’s ex-fiancée reached out to me and his other exes recently for the first time to ask if we thought he was a sociopath. Yes. Yes, if one ever feels the need to reach out to a man’s former girlfriends/wives, the answer is always YES, this man is fucked up exactly the way you think he is! She shared that he had given her a Hannibal …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 02:39 PM
4

This is why fake email was invented, sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/19 06:13 PM
35

It’s HVW behavior to rat on our friends’ cheating LVMs! It’s not information for the boyfriend to respond to at all. *It’s actually information for the friend to be fully informed as to the LVM she is dealing with. The outcome matters not.* The point is to protect the friend’s health he’s risking and let her decide.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/19 05:48 PM
28

Exactly. Folks who think they are playing it safe by marrying their high school sweetheart, and never dating around like normal 2019 people are obviously supposed to, are gonna be in for a world of pain in their 30s and 40s. These people are absolutely the future posters on r/survivinginfidelity, and they are already such risk averse and change-averse people right now that they’ll probably never have the balls to leave their future cheater. Ugh. Never be jealous of this shit, sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/19 03:03 PM
72

Hold up. Young 25 year olds getting married after long relationships?? I’m sorry, this is 2019 not goddamn 1979. Edit: date around FFS!! Don’t ever be jealous of folks who marry their stupid teenage boyfriend. Jesus wept.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/19 02:50 PM
9

Yes, allow me to repeat what he did: GASLIGHTING It’s what low key batshit crazy dudes do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/19 12:45 PM
27

Dudes want BangMommyMcChefMaid. Nah, sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/19 12:41 PM
2

He is :::engaged::: and still not over his ex. I feel sorry for his fiancée who probably has no idea how into his ex wife’s biznazz this dude still is. This is why we don’t phuck with recently divorced dudes! Edit: Oh, and his fiancée is cutting herself. Maybe on some level she suspects he isn’t 100 percent there for her. Bet she has no idea what he’s posted about her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/19 02:25 AM
3

Yup, and that’s where I have zero sympathy for his sad sausage routine. Edit: He is actually ENGAGED to the new woman in his life. Jesus.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/19 02:18 AM
4

Hooray! I loved reading this!! ❤️Three months seems to be a turning point for LVM, they really start to show their ass and get way too comfortable and complacent. Well done giving this little guy a NEXT.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/19 02:04 AM
6

This is what I came here to say. Insecure (which is unattractive as hell) and fishing for compliments. Like the texting equivalent of “Did u cum?” NEXT!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 10:19 PM
2

I’ve used (and will in the future, as needed use) dating apps just fine, and my choices aren’t judging yours. Saw your sweet post today and see that you actually found your own personal “better option” in your former airbnb roommate who you’re marrying. That’s a great story. See, sometimes we can meet great guys from the comfort of our own couches. Best wishes, sincerely!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 05:37 PM
28

They post hidden camera footage of their victims. How is this not criminalized fraud??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 04:55 PM
11

Grooming is the exact right word. Jesus. Somebody get that kid on Grindr to match with plenty of guys his own age (who can get it up unlike a 61 year old geezer).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 04:46 PM
9

Exactly right. Kevin Spacey predatory shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 04:44 PM
16

Ok: legit a 17-year-old (Edit, per the updates: “TEENAGER”) dating a 61-year-old male here. Nope. Still sketchy AF, even though I grasp that Queer dating has vastly different nuances. Those are some impossible power/life experience differentials. If it were my dear son dating this Crypt Keeper, I’d wanna kick his other foot in the grave. *2ND Edit, upon further reflection as a 43-year-old Broad: Like, I would be barely old enough to be dating a 61-year-old man myself while keeping a straight fac…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 04:33 PM
6

Quoting u/_HEDONISM_BOT from another OLD thread comment from yesterday: “A LOT of PICKME women and male lurkers are downvoting our posts. Men HATE Onlinedating because they're suffering with 1% - 5% response rates, are getting ghosted, have to send out THOUSANDS of messages just to get a single reply back, and have to actually put forth real effort into their messages in order to make it past your extreme vetting. Here's another reason men hate online dating and have a vested interest in keeping…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 04:03 PM
27

Paging u/_HEDONISM_BOT to help discern whether this is ::yet another male troll:: who doesn’t want FDS women doing online dating. Here’s her Queen comment from yesterday: “A LOT of PICKME women and male lurkers are downvoting our posts. Men HATE Onlinedating because they're suffering with 1% - 5% response rates, are getting ghosted, have to send out THOUSANDS of messages just to get a single reply back, and have to actually put forth real effort into their messages in order to make it past your …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 04:01 PM
56

Cheating on a spouse or live-in partner to whom one has made a financial commitment, backed by a social contract, is low value behavior. Having said that, NO RING, NO THING. Oops I shouted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 03:09 PM
17

Due respect, but I kind of hate “All OLD sucks” arguments. And I don’t wanna get into the particulars of well which sites did you use? Did you use best practices? How woke were you at the time? Because that’s victim-blaming territory and it distracts from the real issue which is: Predatory Men are to blame, as always, as ever!! Not to blame is the particular mode of that time-efficient online model of meeting up with people IRL. Rapists are found everywhere in the world. The most dangerous perso…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 02:56 PM
18

Don’t answer stupid ass questions like this. What is he, the fucking Gallup Poll of Tinder? Cut it with the loooooong text exchanges. I used to give him 4 meaningful exchanges before I stopped responding to anything that wasn’t an ASK from him: if he hasn’t asked you out to an actual date with a time and location, he’s a Time Waster.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 02:38 PM
27

And even if she is “lonely” for a time, she eventually remembers that most women will outlive their similar-aged male counterparts, and hence whether married or single she will always be on track to “die alone” (clutches pearls! ... unless she robs the cradle late in life, heh heh), no matter what — and she is strong enough to get good with that so-called fear of Being Alone, and instead turn it into an amazing adventure, leading a fucking awesome life if she so chooses. She is the real prize, f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 02:17 PM
5

Excellently said and spot on! Disordered abusers usually open with something completely oversharing and personal where they are playing up their victimhood. Example said to me once on a first date: “my dad was an abusive alcoholic, I had to pull the gun out of my dad’s hand. I never got any nurturing in that home.” My thoughts as a Naive, No Strategy-having College Student: poor guy!! Awwww!! He’s kinda sensitive and deep and interesting... My thoughts as a Grown Ass Woman: Omg he has so many is…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 11:30 AM
2

How to know you are dealing with a low key emotional abuser who, on some level, has realized you would not tolerate his cyclical pattern of future, escalating abuses for very long, and so he has left your strong self alone, but fucked with your head just enough with intermittent reinforcement and other self-pitying bullshit, triggering your sense of over-empathy to create a trauma bond in you which is causing you to ruminate and pine for him?? Recommended reading— “How to Spot A Dangerous Man Be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 11:14 AM
3

I‘ve read your posts. This man has every red flag flying, and he does not have the emotional equipment to ever be a healthy, reciprocal partner to you or anyone else.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 11:08 AM
2

What you are misperceiving as FDS’ “lack of compassion” towards menfolk who have every cliched red flag flying is a sign of your own “Cockholm Syndrome” meaning you have too much naive empathy for a low key abuser. Save the empathy for more worthy causes, and turn that excess compassion back to yourself: love yourself more and get some boundaries.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 11:05 AM
11

Let’s repeat that for the ladies in the back: “YOU ONLY GET TO BE YOUNG ONCE....” She just told you how this ends. Do not waste your one precious life waiting on a college freshman to stay faithful when you are not married, and shouldn’t be.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 10:15 PM
12

It means when a woman’s friend says something to the effect of “He did WHAT??!?!” in response to some shitty thing the woman told her friend that he did, the woman starts getting super defensive of him about it, as if she is Johnny Cochran raised from the dead, passionately defending his misconduct.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 08:00 PM
17

“You feel like their lawyer when talking about them to your friends.” boom! Yes! Well said and truer than true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 06:23 PM
17

Where are :::your needs::: in this? That was a wall of text of you being his unpaid therapist. He would need to avail himself of trauma treatment and show you what he can offer to make your life even more amazing before you inch any closer to that mess. Make your own life exciting enough and fulfilling enough that some traumatized dude who refuses to seek treatment for it isn’t so intriguing to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 11:01 AM
31

She tries so hard to seduce him and he argues with her. My god! Run! Run away!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 10:55 AM
19

His head looks a bit spermishly white round and hairless there. Hmm...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 10:31 AM
23

Nah I don’t speak French out loud anymore after speaking it conversationally and being grammar policed by every smelly one of them. Every French male is a low value cheater who needs to take like 6 showers ASAP anyway. 🐸❌ #italiansdoitbetter
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 10:27 AM
3

This comment right here is sold gold truth. He’s already gone emotionally, like a fucking coward. Try not to engage with him beyond the bare minimum interactions, all you’ll hear are manipulations. I’m a fan of women having a safety plan if things go sideways during the move out process. Even though him leaving is his idea, sometimes men go psycho out of left field when relationships end. Just keep that in mind, hopefully it will not apply.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 04:17 AM
9

That impulse which correctly led her to look through his phone? She needs to start paying a lot more attention to her intuition like that. These photos are just the tip of the iceberg in terms of his wandering eye... (Edit: and wandering peen!) GET OUT, lady!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 12:22 AM
55

Yep, exactamundo. Gillian Flynn’s “Cool Girl” quote is worth a re-read here: Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool G…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 12:13 AM
23

And it’s only men who would actively expect their wannabe girlfriend to suddenly “stepmom” for his ass and raise his kids. Note that Single Moms aren’t out there butthurt like that expecting a man friend to catch feels and suddenly handle ALL of their childcare, and cooking, and housework. When we switch the genders the cray cray of this guy’s expectations is even more obvious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 09:42 PM
16

A lot of the recovering pornsick dudes say they apparently started watching it around age 9-10. Jesus. So we should probably mention, earlier than we are inclined to, that it’s out there, and that’s not how real women and relationships are, and it can cause damage to your brain and penis as you get into your later teens and on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 08:39 PM
20

I talk to my kids about relating to other people all the time. The first time they saw Frozen when they were little, I labeled Anna’s fake fiancée a “lovebomber.” Elsa told her “You can’t marry a man you just met.” It’s Disney shit and I kind of hate it, but it was also just too good of an opportunity to pass up. I’ve pointed out to them stories about men who are “pillars of the community” — like surgeons and dentists we know of— who cheat and gaslight, and are on Wife 3.0. And how their wives d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 08:34 PM
12

Exactly. My guess is he was passive aggressive with his former wife until it drove her to call a divorce lawyer to make him knock that fake “you hurt my fee fees” shit right off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 06:54 PM
24

This is his end goal, absolutely. That’s the real source of his anger here. He thought she was a doormat stepmommy pickmeisha and she’s not!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 06:52 PM
3

Amen!!!!!! You get it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 06:30 PM
6

Completely agree that the foolish act of going to couples therapy with your abuser (cheating is abuse— in marriage in particular, it is physical, psychological, and financial abuse to put your dick and marital funds into someone else and risk the wife’s reproductive health) is a huge mistake, as the unstated premise of couples counseling almost always is to put “saving the relationship” over the health of the woman being abused who would be better served by leaving her abuser. And getting indivi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 06:16 PM
7

Plenty of highly-trained psychologists and counselors cannot spot a sociopath or a cluster B. This is well documented in the research. Hence, my “surprise.” Not a Perel fangirl at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 05:54 PM
7

Amen, preach!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 05:47 PM
5

Agreed that Perel is a cheater apologist, so that’s a surprise she can actually ID and call out a sociopath. Redpillers really like Perel, from what I’ve heard of “Mating in Captivity” she advocates the tactic of “dread” game, by another name of course. Edit: I will give this podcast a listen. 2nd Edit: Actually, nah, I just decided I have more valuable uses of my time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 05:30 PM
12

Or they reach their 40s and she realizes he started online dating in their 30s, spent $93k on the other woman and she had no idea.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 05:02 PM
29

Omg COCKHOLM SYNDROME!! 😭😆🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 04:58 PM
133

Dude just got his real estate license and thinks he’s a mogul.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 02:20 PM
66

I’m scared to be in another relationship where I lose money, property, a social life, freedom, sleep, a clean toilet etc etc ....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 12:44 AM
23

Also anything that smacks of introversion is not highly valued in much of today’s popular culture.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 12:42 AM
9

Fantastic post! You have a great abundance mindset for dating. Tim sounds like he’s in first place because he showed you the best time. Like he and you created some authentic happiness in terms of the overall date experience there. Damien is in your friend group and no one really knew has a secret adult child! 🤯WTeverlivingFuuuuuck???!! No. Just absolutely not with any type of “I HAVE A SEEEKRIT LIFE” shit. That is quite honestly one of the bigger red flags I’ve read about up in here. I say this…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 01:15 PM
4

Yassss, Queen!! 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 04:17 PM
12

This is an excellent comment!!!! (I’m getting downvoted on FDS for saying OLD is a time-efficient way for introverted HVW to meet HVM.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 03:42 PM
1

Stay strong, and don’t go back to your abuser when he eventually tries to Hoover you. Well done!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 03:38 PM
2

What a strong, kickass lady!! I love this story.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 03:36 PM
1

I’ll add to that: any lying on his part means he has got to go.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 03:36 PM
1

Cheers to you for getting out of that mess!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 03:35 PM
2

For whatever it’s worth, any divorced lawyer who is a woman has my immediate respect for being the kind of woman who didn’t take his shit lying down. The real failures are the men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 03:34 PM
1

Red flags are not always discernible in any given stage of a relationship. I’m tired of the “Well, you missed that red flag” brand of victim blaming.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 03:31 PM
2

Your mom is truly wonderful. I plan to tell my little girl this someday, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 03:28 PM
3

Hey, you must have met my ex man! 🌈 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 03:26 PM
4

I love everything about this comment. Thank you (from a lady who just noped out of fucking with a Styrofoam painted galaxy.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 03:24 PM
5

Yes, and I’ve noticed the allowable age gap for me widens again after 45 (an age I’m approaching). A 45 year old dating a 65 year old (who is a match in terms of overall physical health) doesn’t seem too weird either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 03:11 PM
18

Made his teeth yellow and nasty af, too. Edit: at first I thought that was Rob Stark and got really sad before realizing it was merely an uglier, less famous version of him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 02:18 PM
52

“Check his phone” for the win! Bullet dodged, sis. Nice work. 🏆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 02:15 PM
25

“That’s not my daddy!!!” is what children are taught to shout loudly when accosted by a male stranger. “Fire!” is what women are taught to shout loudly when they are being assaulted. Because people have ignored “rape!” pleas for help, and bystanders don’t do shit. How sad that we as a society put the burden on the victim to say the right thing to not get raped.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 01:45 PM
40

He wishes! Baldness is fully curable, jackass. And like if he is :::even a halfway decent human being::: many, many women would still fuck a short small pee pee having dude. But apparently common decency is just too hard for the menz these days.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 01:38 PM
3

Ditto for both of my parents from large families full of abuse, neglect, alcoholism, and low emotional intelligence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 01:34 PM
5

And the Christian ones ignore the Scripture saying one must divorce an adulterer. Scripture also teaches that if a nonbeliever leaves his wife, let him go, she must divorce him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 01:24 PM
4

Cluster B’s often can keep up a facade for decades. They don’t have any discernible “red flags” for years. For example, I have an ex I dumped who is a very high IQ covert narc, and he likes to fuck men on the down low, while having a woman be his beard and mule to keep his home clean just-so. But he is a fantastic salesman. Latest beard thinks she is with the “monogamous” love of her life, no one has ever looked better than him nor treated her better than him. Sharp dressed man, tall, great hair…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 01:19 PM
3

Disagree, respectfully. Introverted Busy HVM are like Introverted Busy HVW who appreciate the time efficiency of some of the better OLD sites. Edit to add: Here’s me on today’s FDS “HVM Dating App Success Stories?” thread— “Online dating is a great way for attractive, busy women to vet a ton of suitors efficiently. Go read “Not Your Mother’s Rules” by Fein & Schneider for a (somewhat dated, but good) primer on things like response times, and when to walk away. Crucially, you always let them be t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 01:11 PM
6

Get off the stupid Bumble! A man always has to approach you first.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 01:08 PM
3

Online dating is a great way for attractive, busy women to vet a ton of suitors efficiently. Go read “Not Your Mother’s Rules” by Fein & Schneider for a (somewhat dated, but good) primer on things like response times, and when to walk away. Crucially, you always let them be the one to come to you, and you have to block and get away when you find out he has a simple dealbreaker (like not showing you love on your birthday or Valentine’s Day). I’ve had luck with 1) OKCupid (I love how much nitty gr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 01:05 PM
23

By betraying Medea, Jason actually did all of that to himself. “The sins of the father shall be visited upon the son.” The folklore tale of La Llorona has a similar theme.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 12:40 PM
14

There’s a reason he’s divorced! Too true. I find myself saying that way too often these days. 🤯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 12:26 PM
111

I know we’re not supposed to hate on other cultures, but Jesus H. Christ those poor baby girls.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 12:09 PM
72

“I ordered his ring on the Zales website.” Wait, what is this horrible sensation of Sahara-level dryness I am experiencing rn? What’s next? She goes and buys herself some grocery store flowers ‘from him’? 😭
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 12:03 PM
28

Amen, sis! So.Much.Low.Effort.Clown.Shit! Like this gem on r/datingover40 yesterday: “Opinions, please I am divorced and have two older children (one is 16 and the other is a sophomore in college). I have been dating an amazing man for a year and things were going well. My daughter called me the other day and had a minor car accident, she is fine. My issue was I was on my way to meet my daughter when my boyfriend called. I told him what happened , we had a quick conversation and hung up. We didn…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 11:54 AM
29

Exactly right: this is breadcrumbing behavior showing no real interest in you at all. “I’m busy” is the worst. It takes literal seconds to send a quick text over a 24 hour period. “I’m busy” is what I say to people I do not value terribly much, and probably take completely for granted, such as lower ranking colleagues, or one of my exes. “I’m busy” is the kiss of death romantically. Bye, boi.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 11:45 AM
5

Or to put this another way: “A woman might fake an orgasm, but men will fake an entire relationship.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 11:25 AM
6

Hugs. So, my gut level read on your post is that I kind of feel like your understanding of what went on emotionally in your marriage will eventually change if/when you get some good therapy. Your ex sounds super basic, like his needs sucked up all the air in that marriage, and you didn’t get the space to know who you were, and what makes your heart sing. This is quite common amongst women my age (40s) who are no longer married. Overall I think you don’t consider your own natural more introverted…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 02:53 AM
21

Cluster B personality disordered men exhibit this behavior. These are the ones who act happily married and suddenly walk out. See Chump Lady, and Runaway Husbands by Vikki Stark.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 10:32 PM
18

Yes, this happens a lot more than folks know. Personality-disordered Cluster B men in particular can wear a mask of sanity for decades, and then suddenly they drop the mask— it’s a thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 10:27 PM
17

This. Is. The. Truth! Amen, sis. 🏆perfect explanation of the real issues in hetero marriage, and why marriage to a man makes women less happy than they would be single.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 09:58 PM
10

Exactly! And overall it was a really weird post. There were a couple of strange bedfellows in the comments, where it was like, wait a minute, some of these cray cray redpillers/adjacents are (rightly) on her side and (rightly) dogging on him. Even they can see his passive, low value clown shit here. Edit: for clarity
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 07:41 PM
3

Amen, sis!!! Ha ha, love the doggy paddle metaphor. Too true!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 07:38 PM
16

OP dude just stood there mute at the end of the date, and didn’t respond after she straight up said she wouldn’t mind hanging out with him again. It’s like OP was choosing to see this as some big rejection by her when, actually she did not completely reject him at all. For all anyone knows, she could be a bit of a pickmeisha asking her friends or internet strangers why the fuck this age-appropriate guy she just had this great 6-hour long 1st date with, immediately after which she flat out told h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 07:32 PM
4

Agreed, and I’d even go further with that sentiment— looking at her actual words, she didn’t even completely reject him. She left the door open to further interaction with the dude: saying she “wouldn’t mind hanging out” with him, to which he just stood there mute & never responded to her, but went and made that post.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 07:24 PM
2

If it were the supermodel du jour texting his broke ass, you’d have heard back from him ASAP. Drop. Next. Literally the next man you match with would text you back immediately. The end.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/19 01:53 PM
7

“They’d rail the Hamburglar if it was warm and soft.” Bury 👏🏻me👏🏻i’m👏🏻dead🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/19 01:46 PM
7

I’d prefer a spiritual guy who isn’t dogmatic. Like the male version of Anne Lamott would be perfect. No Mormons, nor anyone else who actively hates on LGBTQ folks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/19 10:42 PM
17

Isn’t it amazing how a new sexy stranger who treats you well so powerfully illustrates everything wrong with your ex? Dick is abundant!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/19 10:37 PM
50

Confidence and audacity, yes! Watch out for the ones who seem to answer your questions correctly, and are a little too agreeable with what you like. Remember: “women might fake an orgasm, but men will fake an entire relationship.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/19 10:32 PM
85

Wait, wtf “Help” around the house he lives in though? Nah, sis. One doesn’t “help” with what’s already his own damn responsibility to begin with. This bugs me as much as when wives call their husbands doing the occasional childcare “babysitting.” NAH, SIS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/19 09:39 PM
7

Great book, and worth a re-read. Totally did not recall it saying that, but wow that is really powerful!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/19 07:13 PM
4

Out of curiosity here but is it that over 40 guys do not simply take Viagra to help the age-related ED? (I’m 43 and date guys in my same life stage, but to date have never slept with anyone >39.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/19 12:30 AM
14

The lovebombing stage has no limit. Exactly. I’d have RUN if a man showed up at my family’s holiday dinner like that. Not ok.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/19 12:04 AM
24

Thank you for saying that’s mega creepy! This is some Ted Bundy shit for sure. Sounds like a lovebombing, like in a few years she’ll discover his secret life and pipeline of paramours. Ugh! Scary.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/19 11:54 PM
20

My ancient father farts wherever he pleases (hence “old fart”), and my young children have told me how disgusting and rude they think that is. There are a number of covert, passive aggressive ways for a man to show his contempt and lack of respect for his partner, and a pattern of intentional farts are at the top of the list.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/19 11:17 PM
4

They F tha police the best, maybe. So that’s a no from me, dawg.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/19 09:49 PM
12

THIS! Referral to Chump Lady, where tales like hers are legion and there is real time support to get out of that abusive marriage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/19 11:44 PM
12

“Low rent Jared Leto” lolololol thank you, that is a genius burn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/19 09:42 PM
1

A happy, meaningful, rich life on my own terms is important to me. I’m here because in addition to enjoying my many interests, friends, and family, I also relish the hell out of being courted by smart, funny, attractive single menfolk. It’s rare that I find someone I’m primally attracted to, but when I do, it’s so much fun. And I like to occasionally have fun, clean, sexy companionship with a particular Gentleman Caller of mine. That’s basically how I’m wired, and it makes me feel like a phucken…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/19 09:33 PM
36

Amen!!! Preach!!! I’ll never be a wife, AKA a Fuck Mommie Mc Chef Maid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/19 03:14 PM
18

Incredibly insightful and awesome answer!!! Thank you!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/19 03:08 PM
25

Strong work responding so swiftly with the BLOCK, on a very subtle, yet clear red flag for misogyny with the namecalling right out of the gate. Nice!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/19 03:04 PM
13

LOVEBOMBING. All those early international trips to see you for one day/spending “all his savings” on an island trip... that just sounds like he is crazy and rushed the pace of your relationship TBH. Who does that? Cluster Bs do that. This is textbook narcissist behavior in the early stage of the cycle of narcissistic abuse. Then he entered into phase 2: the devalue. You dodged a bullet (EDIT: I see you are still in contact with him, unfortunately. So you’re still voluntarily standing in the pat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/19 02:00 PM
13

Those white socks in sandals though... 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/19 01:49 PM
1

You give men too much credit— no way would he think that’s a mind game ON THESE PARTICULAR FACTS. While I agree with this generally, here the OP has specifically told us she would reply to him when she is “not as tied up,” hence she IS actually busy on a Sunday, plus they juuuuust had their date the day before she posted. And re-reading what the OP wrote, she tends to jump in too quickly. So my advice was for :::her::: specifically. But yeah, otherwise you’re right in spirit and in general about…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/19 01:46 PM
5

Deep, profound, and wise. Thank you so much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/19 02:05 PM
8

Okay “I am tight with money” was hilarious! That was some grade A “Bye, Felipe” stuff. Thank you for making me chuckle on this cold morning, and I hope a worthy, funny suitor finds you soon.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/19 01:59 PM
74

Amen!!! Keep him in the easily-cropped spot!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/19 01:56 PM
9

Wait until after 6pm tonight to send your reply, if any, to his message. Less is more. You want to see how he follows up and what effort he puts forth. Go read The Rules by Schneider and Fein. And do something awesome for yourself today.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/19 01:54 PM
33

“I royally cucked myself” - girl, with a title like that, I was expecting something a lot worse/of a sexual nature/LTR than your post! This is not a huge deal. 5 dates— he’s practically still a stranger to you. You’re fine. Just dial the anxiety way back and stop responding to him for a spell. Keep dating others.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/19 01:49 PM
8

Came here to say this. A lovebombing narcissist says & does all the right things in the early years of a relationship we here at FDS promote. Understand there are men who wear a mask and don’t start abusing until they have you right where they want you. Sometimes we are talking decades until you see behind his mask.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/19 08:47 AM
21

This, exactly. He’s a Cluster B of some sort. Any man who future fakes his wife like that, while secretly lining up a life with his long term side piece, and then suddenly walking out is personality disordered. Stories just like this are all over Chump Lady. “Divorcing a narcissist” is the search term for this type of thing. Sometimes these dudes even fake a mental illness and connive to get diagnosed with “depression” - I saw that shit on a r/survivinginfidelity post recently. Luckily the young…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/19 02:15 PM
15

So very true! Any man with a history of cheating is a big NOPE for me. Cheating is abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/19 02:10 PM
9

Exactly, divorce is the number one predictor of poverty for women. Ending a Marriage is a huge financial risk for women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/19 03:45 AM
11

Forgive yourself for being too much of the Boundary-less Nice Girl you had been socialized to be. Your future Queen self, however, will never again go halfsies on a hotel room. Rather he will handle all arrangements and pay for all of it. Never again will you keep talking to a man you are sleeping with who fails to remember your birthday, That is just straight up clown shit. Christ, what an asshole for not taking 5 seconds to even send the woman he is essentially getting paid to fuck (by virtue …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/19 03:27 AM
7

YAASS, QUEEN! 👑 Your strategy sounds similar to The Four Man Plan (one woman show on YouTube) by Cindy Lu — I like it!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/19 11:47 PM
19

Yup! Similar to how mass shooters usually have a documented history of domestic violence. :::these men DO NOT get better::: Looking for clues of his bad character generally, and towards other women in his past specifically is a sound safety strategy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/19 05:40 PM
43

Amen, preach! 🏆Everyone should go read that Lundy Bancroft book OP mentions here: “Why Does He Do That?” (Free online pdf can be found via google). And the answer to the question posed by the book title is he is a manipulative, scheming, pretend/crazy-like-a-fox, fuckwit who plays you for your excess empathy. Trying to get you to feel sorry for him. When that doesn’t work, he’ll try charm. Like the abusive husband of a woman I know who sent her fucking flowers despite the restraining order she h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/19 05:18 PM
22

See the meaning behind what was NOT SAID in that text. Specifically, “I’d love to see you again” was not said. So no. Buh bye, boi.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/19 05:10 PM
13

I 🤣 AM ☠️ DEAD ⚰️ 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/19 05:00 PM
52

Cute lil ghostie. I am cheered up, thank you! Some dudes are just flakier than Corn Flakes. Bye, boi.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/19 04:33 PM
22

Bonet has game for days. Bagged herself two very excellent cocksmen. 👑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/19 12:41 AM
6

Exactly! 🥇
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/19 03:14 PM
2

Marriage vs “cohabitation” is obviously a false dichotomy, leaving out the array of living choices entirely (such as a woman living happily alone/with her children/with friends/with family/“Living Apart Together” etc).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/19 02:38 PM
0

Fly our amazing airline! It only has a 30% crash rate for planes built recently, not that super scary 50% figure all those older model planes had. These new planes are really different! And better! Disregard the fact the female passengers would have been happier not flying. 😜
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/19 02:16 PM
3

(Glad you enjoyed my use of “gentleman caller” the other day in the “FWB” post. People IRL tease me for calling the boys that!)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/19 01:25 PM
5

Yes, not to mention divorce occurs in half of all marriages and causes women to LOSE assets such as her house, car, savings, credit etc
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/19 01:21 PM
5

Very few people have the guts and/or the ability to leave marriages ASAP. Marriage is a huge risk for women with earning capacity: hustle revenues and her savings will become part of the Marital Estate to which she’ll have to pay a lesser-earning husband alimony or child support. Eyes open!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/19 01:03 PM
11

I can’t imagine being ::exclusive:: with someone but dissatisfied with them for 10 years. Marriage is horrible for women so I do not aspire to it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/19 12:35 PM
11

Completely agree with you, sis! Lots of naive pickmeisha stuff in this thread saying things like marriage is the only legal protection for women and children, when we know divorce is the number one predictor of poverty for women, and single women are happier than married women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/19 12:34 PM
9

Disagree! Divorce is actually the number one predictor of poverty for women, not single motherhood. The only legal way to ensure security for women and children is for the mother to have her own cashmoney and career.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/19 12:26 PM
3

You write extremely well and let me assure you that you are not boring at all— in fact, I am in awe of your ability to proactively Nope out of a situation that was ultimately going to hurt you really badly. It cannot be said enough how powerful and wise you were leaving this man exactly when and how you did it. So goddamn dignified! You are also describing like the brother from another mother of a stupid tortured artist motherfucker I dated decades ago in college who could wax poetically about l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/19 10:40 AM
3

The person who told you this is not a good friend. Good luck in medical school— choose a speciality like dermatology or urology that will make you a lot of cashmoney for not a lot of hours worked.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/19 03:24 PM
3

I can tell from your excellent, non-Pollyanna-ish comments in this thread that this isn’t your first rodeo either. Preach on, sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/19 02:47 PM
4

💯 listen more than you talk and you will hear the truth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/19 02:44 PM
2

I agree. “Be upfront & totally honest with the man that you want a relationship!” is very much how ::women:: deal, while men are far sneakier.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/19 02:40 PM
56

Boyfriend vs FWB? I dunno, the older you get (I’m 43) and you’re NOT trying to achieve youthful goals of getting married or combining lives or procreating; it’s all kinda just semantics. An FWB of means and oral talents who takes you out, plans and pays for all of it, and always shows you a good time? That’s a boyfriend by any other name. Talk is cheap, labels are often mislabels, just look at his Actual Behavior and how much he does for you. My FWB probably thinks he’s my boyfriend. I like to k…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/19 11:28 PM
8

I concur 10000% - keep your past traumas to yourself!!! Sociopaths and various users are looking for vulnerability datapoints like this to harm you. Heal yourself first and go sloooowly re-entering the dating market. Glacial pace relationships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/19 07:00 PM
1

“I do like him.” “I don’t trust him.” “... felt like he just wanted a relationship for sex.” Bottom line: you are not looking for what he’s offering. Someone who is legit and genuinely into you would not dump you, and certainly not after 5 dates. That’s some fuckboi behavior. He just wants easy access to sex. He fooled you into thinking he was looking for a relationship. Bullet dodged. Next, Queen!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/19 06:43 PM
41

Agreed! I had a Denial Denise acquaintance who continued to bankroll her emotionally abusive (“dry drunk” 11-years-her-senior/single dad when they originally met) husband’s every move for 6 years AFTER she caught him in an affair with her former best friend. She let him be a SAHD and threw away tons of money on his stupid failed business ventures, and let him buy himself a new truck. Turns out, he was secretly an active alcoholic, which came to light after he got a DUI on military property, foll…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/19 06:12 PM
11

The beginning of the article really gets at the lack of reciprocity as to why marriage sucks for women. It would be one thing to emotionally do for a man if he were giving back in equal or greater measure. But here that emotional vampire-ish dude drained her and then was too busy to visit her in the hospital?? Damn. That’s just straight up clown shit on his part.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/19 01:02 PM
21

“I’m not investing too much... I’ve changed from a hardcore “mommy” type girlfriend who lost her entire life savings to a boyfriend who moved in with her after a month, to being single and happy and now NOT terrified to allow myself to feel anything for anyone and realizing my limits, boundaries and expectations.” Yes, Queen!!!! Amazing!!!! “Hardcore “mommy” type girlfriend” is a great turn of phrase, BTW. Very well said and well done making the shift in your mental game!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/19 12:42 PM
11

Ghosting is appropriate any damn time a woman wants to do it! For any reason. But most importantly for her safety.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/19 02:05 AM
7

Yes, exactly this. Connections in a city to which I am moving, so he is worth my maintaining an acquaintanceship, platonically.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/19 02:02 AM
5

I’m glad the child did not ghost her after a decade!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/19 06:14 PM
4

Go out drinking and partying all night and check out how he treats you in the morning.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/19 06:11 PM
5

Yes, true. Though big picture: no self-respecting woman would want a man who is disloyal — the disloyal trash sometimes takes itself out when a good woman gets dumped.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/19 05:11 PM
13

Horrible, a decade as a stepmom (Stepmothers are the unhappiest women of all women, according to the current research) raising another woman’s child... then he cheated and left. And Poof! goes the stepmother/stepchild relationship. Hell no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/19 05:08 PM
8

“and he’s only still with her because he hasn’t found any better options. She’s spent years arguing with him about “timelines” and all this shit. Honestly... what a fucking nightmare” He knows a good Chump is hard to find, and even rarer still is this painfully self-abnegating kind of a woman who will continue to hound him for marriage after he already straight up told her he put his dick in another woman and, crucially, lied about it for half a year, while letting her invest heavily into cohabi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/19 07:50 PM
8

THIS^ - Well said, and made a lot of the exact points far more eloquently than I was about to make. “Marriage is a SCAM for women in general!” There is NO peer-reviewed research out there saying marriage makes women happiest (past the brief honeymoon newlywed period anyway). There IS research saying single women are the happiest women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/19 06:34 PM
1

What I wouldn’t give for a man who does the communication research you did! Seems it’s always the woman repairing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/19 05:43 PM
18

Showing my tween daughter this incredibly sagacious comment. I am grateful to have read it. Hugs to you, OP, you are worthy just as you are!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/19 03:07 PM
9

🤣😆 amen! I love you, lady!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/19 02:56 PM
31

Sad to read, but also glad she is posting the question so maybe she can soon wake up and put a stop to this fool’s con artistry! Preying economically on a single mother by rushing a 9-month relationship. So soon to move in! It takes a lot longer to truly get to know someone. Some women just really overvalue that dick, and the illusion of having a person. The woman must be the one to pace the relationship. Never live with or bankroll a man without an enforceable, lawyer-drafted cohabitation agree…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/19 02:52 PM
13

Love this. This is some TRUTH right here!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/19 02:43 PM
20

If I find out a man is married and is trying to date me, that’s such a turnoff for me. I just find it so repugnant there is no amount of cashmoney or Nice Things that could compensate me for wasting even a minute of my one precious life with that. But I’m older and don’t have time to waste. If I were 25 though...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/19 11:17 PM
16

I’m 43, a widow, and I’ve always been a HVF. Like when that book The Rules originally came out, two of my girlfriends read it and told me I’m “naturally Rules-y” without the objective of “capturing the heart of Mr. Right” or what have you. I was agnostic about ever getting married in the first place, kinda surprised I ever did, but it was great. I’m introverted AF, and it takes a damn lot of effort to get me to go out with a man. Because my standards are extremely high and I never want to live w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/19 10:52 PM
30

Well, yes and no. Cluster B’s (including narcs and sociopaths etc) are certainly attracted to us! We are generally people who have our shit together, know how to do life, and would test high in the personality traits of Conscientiousness and Agreeableness, and low in Neuroticism. (See Sandra L. Brown and Purdue Univ. research on “Super Traited” Women). They seek women like us out because they want what we have; we unwittingly help them pass as normal people with feelings in society. Having a Clu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/19 04:27 PM
73

When my teenage boyfriend cheated, and then stalked me after I dumped him and went No Contact on him for the cheating, my mom told me not to report it to our university because “it might jeopardize his future employment prospects.” And she added “men need to sow their wild oats.” Zero concern for me. I reported, the police actually got him to leave me alone, and today my ex boyfriend runs a successful nonprofit... and has the whole world fooled into thinking he‘s a sweet Bay Area father of 2. (M…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/19 04:15 PM
10

So you have not seen him in person yet, and you are not attracted by his photos BUT where you are is slim pickings, and he’s asked you out on a proper dinner date? Go on the date. Do not sleep with him out of pity. Continue to see other men. Only sleep with men you are 100% feeling on all the levels. Attraction is beyond our control and the chemistry is either there or not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/19 03:59 PM
17

Cringey AF! Holy hell. This insanity is what passes for “success” these days?! Nope. Separate the “successful company” piece from the (allegedly) successful marriage piece. Completely different things. I’ll take the career success and leave the rest here. Because damn: I would be miserable being compared to an 8-year-old in the goddamn New York Times. Jesus. That would be a total dealbreaker. Look, this woman sounds like one of those Disney movie-believing souls who falsely assumed she needed a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/19 03:48 PM
16

Projection. Triangulation with his mom. Hoping to goad her into a Cool Girl pick me dance to feed his ego. Textbook narcissistic behavior here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/19 03:35 PM
14

Yes, I have had to drop faux “friends” who are women for showing they were not reciprocal and did not have my back. I know my worth as a friend. I am loyal to a fault, ride or die, and my stock trades very highly. So when two women I’ve known since school and had done for them many times over the years repeatedly chose not show up to my life during the one and only very hard season in my life when I needed their emotional support? Nah, I dropped them. And guess what? Their absence made room for …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/19 02:11 PM
1

The first half or so of it is great advice for Women, if you paraphrase & swap the genders on what he wrote. Enjoy life, have great hobbies, focus on yourself, exercise regardless of relationship status, and, controversially, question whether “true love” really exists and if so, is anything to which we ought to aspire. (Even a broken clock is right two times a day.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/19 12:21 PM
5

No, my time is really too valuable for those kind of shenanigans. “There’s no such thing as a free lunch” is an adage for a reason. Plus there are men out there who invite a woman out to a $300 plus dinner only to dine & ditch her right before the check comes, sticking her with the bill. Check out Amy Webb’s TED talk on “How I hacked online dating” in which she mentions a man doing this to her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/19 12:12 PM
11

Same, he planned and paid for absolutely everything and always traveled to me. Yeah, those lovebombing narcissists are damn good at acting like the perfect man. Until their mask slips and you find out about their secret lives etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/19 02:06 AM
3

A modern day Wallis Simpson! What a sucker to give up the throne for his true wuv schmoopie! 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/19 11:40 PM
8

If you are living childfree in your home, there is ZERO reason to ever date a father. Absolutely not. Dick is abundant and low value! Also the stepmom gig results in making the Least Happy Women of All, according to the research. Stepmothers = the least happy women on the planet. See “Stepmonster” by Wednesday Martin.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/19 11:37 PM
3

Amen! You are describing my Bff’s creepy covert narcissist physician ex-hubby and his sweet chumpy Fiancée Appliance! She is a childless, mid-40s never-married woman who he has slowly over the last 2.5 years transformed into his pretty mule to do his domestic and emotional labor, including raising my Bff’s three children, the youngest of whom is only 3. The wedding is in May... but she may be onto him and might break it off if she wises up about him. Her Insta yesterday was about the new book “F…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/19 11:03 PM
2

Yup. And I would never be anything but a First Wife!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/19 10:49 PM
3

According to the research, single women are much happier than married women. I was married for 13 years, and it was definitely worth my while reproductively and financially. I’ll never do it again though, because I am introverted AF and love living solo and enjoying my life!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/19 10:41 PM
33

How men use women also in non-sexual ways that aren’t often flagged as being per se “bad” in our society, such as the male strategy of lining up a Girlfriend Appliance (or worse, a Wife Appliance) where they use a woman as a mule to do their domestic and emotional labor, including raising another woman’s children. Bottom line: research says most women are much happier single than married but NO ONE talks about this fact. Our whole culture legit thinks life is like a Disney movie.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/19 07:31 PM
19

In most states, if he can get his daughter to live with him 50/50 he can avoid paying child support. So he needs to line up a nice chumpy Girlfriend Appliance to handle his childcare, laundry, food prep, etc.... RUN!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/19 06:46 PM
2

A-to the mf-men right there! Trust none, just trust yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/19 05:38 PM
13

Dude would be eventually ordering himself up a mail order bride if he hadn’t found her to exploit. Ugh, dude gives me the chills.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/19 05:31 PM
15

HE WANTS A MOMMY FOR HIS KID!!!! Periodt. That’s why he’s rushing you to cohabitate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/19 05:16 PM
23

Omfg, nah! NAH!!!! Hell nah! All the nahs that nahhhhed! Sexual compatibility (and his general sexual character/worthiness) is something one definitely needs to FIND OUT about before entering the very-risky-for-women institution of marriage. Bad sex is highly correlated with divorce, and divorce is the number one predictor of poverty for women. Find out in advance!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/19 01:15 AM
9

Exactly. The wife has no idea just how damn disordered and pathological this guy is. His post has a whiff of being written to curry favor with his wife, so he can keep eating the cake of having a wife appliancing mule at home. “It was just sex, she meant nothing to me, honey!!” When he has his next affair a few years from now, he’ll of course be blaming his wife for believing his current bullshit stories and not divorcing him right now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/19 01:07 AM
2

Amen. I had to teach myself the “textbook” red flag signs I was never taught. “How to Spot A Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved” by Sandra L. Brown, M.A. was really helpful for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/19 12:09 PM
11

Yup. The adage “it’s as easy to love a rich man as it is to love a poor man” comes to mind. Patricia Altschul of Southern Charm is worth a Google on this point. Three marriages to progressively older-than-her men. Widowed her way into being a fabulous multimillionaire. Not what I’d choose to do personally, but I gotta say that is a sound female dating strategy from the well-pre-nupped financial standpoint.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/19 06:27 PM
9

Bullet dodged! You’ve described a complete loser with addiction, infidelity, and a limp dick: the trifecta. I love your winning attitude about your own life journey. As Chump Lady says “Trust that he sucks” - all cheaters suck, and they only get worse as they age.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/19 06:18 PM
5

Stop acting desperate for their friendship. You are orbiting your boyfriend’s sisters emotionally and care WAY too much about what you’re imagining they think of you. Focus instead on your boyfriend’s positive feelings towards you and vice versa. Also, Sister 2 was not wrong to thank her own brother for the joint birthday present from you both that he probably paid for, and her emoji response to your FB message to her was totally fine, too. It’s not like she ignored you. I suggest you lighten up…
/r/RedPillWomen17/02/18 11:52 PM
11

“Overcommunicating” with words is just not an attractive look on a woman, ever. The very masculine sounding ultimatum you’ve written here is something perhaps to silently think, but should you ever have cause to actually say something this manly, blunt, and unattractive, then it means you are in the wrong relationship IF it’s a very time-sensitive marriage with kids and you as SAHM that you want. The right Captain does not ever need to be sold to in such a heavy-handed manner because he will see…
/r/RedPillWomen17/02/18 10:37 PM
5

Marriage and having children is highly normative amongst straight Alpha American male members of the urban professional classes who are in their 30s and 40s and beyond. The Trumps are a great example, as are the Romneys, and the Bush Family, and their ilk. This cohort has the lowest rates of divorce, and typically use pre-nups. Married men, in general, report better health outcomes than single men, particularly as they age, with good wives to help them go see their doctors regularly, particularl…
/r/RedPillWomen16/02/18 09:36 PM
2

You know what the RP answer is, 2018 PC culture is just messing with all of us. Look to history. I’m like you. Every serious relationship in my life, including and especially my happy marriage to my late husband, started off where the men each saw my high value, and occurred after he chased me for an extended period of time. I did not do it on purpose. It happened naturally. They each worked for the opportunity to date me, as I was not super into them at first, until they charmed me, over time. …
/r/RedPillWomen16/02/18 07:47 PM
4

Exactly right. The women pursuing and date closing on guys is not RP. Now she’ll have to lead the entire fucking relationship while wondering if he’s really that into her, and he’ll never find Alpha because this woman wasn’t really his preferred type in the first place. Hence we have an epidemic of beta-ized men in sexless marriages, and married women who aren’t haaaaapy with their henpecked men because feminism taught women the exact wrong lessons about sexual attraction. IOI the hell outta guy…
/r/RedPillWomen16/02/18 02:57 PM
1

Not all women of the same chronological age are of equal reproductive fitness, so your idea of yourself at 60 might feel more elderly and exhausted than would a woman who takes better care of herself or is built stronger than you. If you are able to conceive a child naturally at 38, without assisted reproductive technology of any kind, then clearly you are biologically fit to raise that child into the age of independence. Honestly though, you sound very negative about the whole idea and are usin…
/r/RedPillWomen15/02/18 08:45 PM
3

What would YOU like him to start doing in order to trigger your responsive desire for him? Ask him for those things in a sexy way. Over text, “My ass could sure use a good grabbing while I’m washing the dishes.” See what he does with that info. Rinse and repeat. Get naked. Set lures for him to trip on for his dick to fall in you. (I kid, sort of.) If he’s really not going for the kino anymore, there could be a lot of things going on, including he has no idea you want kino outside of the bedroom,…
/r/RedPillWomen15/02/18 07:23 PM
3

You are not as interested in these dates as you are trying to convince yourself that you are. When you meet a real Alpha and your inner animal wants him, you will say yes to him. Turning the others down is the right move since you’d just be wasting everyone’s time. You are overthinking this. Your issues, as you have described them here, don’t sound like dealbreakers. Set some goals, lighten up, and enjoy your youth.
/r/RedPillWomen15/02/18 05:59 PM
29

41 and I love love love Alpha men who are intelligent and very sexual. Date with dignity and weed out the beta time-wasters who message constantly but put nothing on the calendar with you. If he’s not running game on you, Next. If you don’t feel any chemistry within a few hours of first meeting, politely next him. You’ll be doing both of you a favor, because you have to have to feel the stirrings of a visceral lust for him at the outset or you will never fall in deeply enough in love with him to…
/r/RedPillWomen15/02/18 04:14 PM
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