I'm only 21 so I definitely have a lot to learn. I'm glad this sub exists. Long post, so TL;DR at the bottom. If you decide to respond though, I request that you read the post in its entirety.

I see a lot of talk on this sub about marriage being the goal and leaving if no proposal within 2-3 years. No beef with that for the women who see it that way, but I want to understand the reasoning behind why. This is all very respectfully. I want to make sure that not of this comes across as accusatory or argumentative. I am aware that this is not a debate sub.

Seems to me that the goal is to end up with a HVM who doesn't cheat, takes care of you emotionally, financially, and sexually, respects you, and treats you in accordance with your worth. Say you find that HVM. For an educated, independently financially secure woman (which is also FDS ideology), why is the legal and financial entanglement necessary? Is it for romance and companionship? In that case, you don't have to be married to get that. Is it for financial security? That makes complete sense if you're impoverished or otherwise lack the potential to make a good income on your own. Is it to simply marry, hope for the best, and if shit hits the fan, collect alimony checks after the divorce? If that's the case then I think it's fair to say that a HVM is just a man who can afford to take care of you financially during the marriage and cut you a fat check after the divorce. (Maybe i'm mixing sugarbaby/spoiled girlfriend tumblr and FDS ideology here. Idk what the consensus is here on that last one). Am I looking at this correctly?

I was at one time under the impression that marriage was unnecessary, even if there were kids in the mix. "You can still be a healthy, intact family unit without legal marriage...blah, blah, blah." But now I can see why you should pursue marriage if you plan to have children-- to protect them financially in the event of a breakup (divorce), and to afford them a normal childhood where they aren't looked down upon for having unwed parents. I'm not having kids though, so this doesn't apply to me.

Or maybe I should phrase it like this: I do not want children and I plan to be financially independent on my own (live comfortably+ save for a comfortable and early retirement), regardless of whether or not I enter a long term monogamous relationship, a marriage, or neither. Why would marriage benefit me or other women like me? I'm seriously struggling with this. I know that two incomes are better than one, but the time, energy, and emotional labor that I would have to sacrifice....to get what? Financial security that I already have? And then to potentially waste years of my life if it ends in divorce (something that's more likely than i'm comfortable with). I don't feel comfortable potentially gambling years of my life away on something that has a nearly 50% chance of failure. I don't see why it's worth the bother when you can have all the things that people traditionally marry for but without the risk of financial and emotional stress or ruin due to divorce. Sometimes I wonder if men are worth the bother at all.

I didn't address everything that I wanted to here because the post is getting too long.

Thoughts?

Also throwaway cause I feel like i'm boutta get flamed :(

TLDR: If the goal is to find a HVM, why is marriage necessary? In my opinion, a truly HVM would be trustworthy enough to not have to entangle yourself legally and financially with just for "insurance" unless there are kids in the mix. Perhaps according to this sub, one cannot be a high value man without being marriage-minded. In which case, it's more a matter of semantics. Either way, I'd like to hear you ladies' thoughts.