Been pondering this idea, would love to hear perspective! What if commitment phobia is the base of all toxic behaviors including avoidant attachment, abuse, and ultimately narcissism? Could a narcissist just be the ‘ultimate’ commitment phobic who creates a false self to avoid intimacy and vulnerability? Could a commitment phobic man be kindhearted yet display selfishness and unhealthy relating to the point it’s not abusive yet still toxic?

Or better yet...why do we seem to attract these varying types? What have we learned in our journey of healing?

For me, I learned and finally accepted like-attracts-like. There was something in me that was drawn to these types. I learned, I too, was a commitment phobe, yet passive. Consumed by the hope of “the one” resulted in carrying all the emotional and mental labor in relationships. While I was taken care if financially, emotionally I was not. I was exhibiting signs of Co-dependency again. My lesson here to learn was understanding society’s influence and patriarchy, so I will share a great article that touched me on the subject: https://www.elephantjournal.com/2020/07/how-patriarchy-breeds-codependency-elizabeth-willis/

Edit: by commitment phobia I’m meaning avoidant attachment/behavior... active or passive, sorry should have made that clear! A good read about this concept is He’s Scared, She’s Scared by Julia Sokol and Steven Carter.