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timetofliptables Archive

View 9 posts and 744 comments by timetofliptables on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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8

I know you’re talking specifically about psychiatry and lucky for you that you work with good people. I had a great therapist and have a good friend in her psychiatry residency that is one of the best people I know. That doesn’t change the fact that in my own experience with medical professionals in general talking broader medical fields now, trying to get help from medical doctors for chronic illness, combined with hundreds of stories of women (esp women of color) being talked down to, not list…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 01:52 AM
17

I’m really not I the mood to get into a debate on this. I’m not naive to the subject. I was a psych major and debated pursuing it as a career before realizing the industry has serious problems, not the least of which is over medicating people and over-diagnosing abuse victims with things like borderline personality disorder and bipolar. Also, as the example above, all the science in the world won’t help you if when you go to a doctor they think you’re full of shit. You might also want to look in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 01:14 AM
24

I hope the overwhelming response will be a wake up call for her. You know this isn’t the only abusive thing he does.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 01:03 AM
8

Right?! Like miss the day of work, paid high premiums, waited for you to be 3 hours late to see me for my appointment, had people poke and prod me, all for a little attention? Cus Im just THAT crazy. How?! Fucking dehumanization that’s how. They don’t see us as real people, just a nuisance in their office.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 12:11 AM
24

Oh my god and now it starts. Someone replied to my comment where I said an apology won’t do anything bc he clearly doesn’t care... that people on reddit take things “too far” and they just need to talk, and people that think the relationship isn’t salvageable must not have ever been in a relationship. So. Done. I cannot roll my eyes far enough into the back of my head. They’re either a troll, an abuser, or abused and either way not my fucking circus. I can’t with this shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 12:01 AM
1

Thanks! I actually tried that exact one and didn’t even make it through the first lesson. I get so restless!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 11:52 PM
29

“He DiDnT lItEraLLy fLicKeR LiGHts so ItS nOt ReALly GasLiGHtiNg!!!”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 09:52 PM
26

I know. I’ve dealt with it myself but your story is next level. Holy fuck. And this shit happens all the time. Bunch of fucking misogynistic psychopaths in the medical field. In what universe is a doctor allowed to be like “nah you’re not in pain crazy lady! Now go die and I’ll blame the fact that you didn’t tell me you were in pain calmly enough and I will get out of any responsibility for my actions thanks to my malpractice insurance.” Oh wait. That’s this universe. This one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 09:14 PM
7

I really want to like yoga but I just can’t get into it. I was trying non-linear movement for a bit, which is another school of thought about how to release trauma from the body. I think it was helping but I didn’t keep it up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 08:20 PM
110

I spoke too soon. Some people are trying to argue with me that while he is abusive he isn’t gaslighting her. Because they probably read a fucking Wikipedia entry about it and now they’re using their base level understanding to say what’s what. I got downvoted for saying she was being gaslit. Clearly. If she thinks she’s the asshole for trying to protect herself, there is fucking gaslighting going on. He doesn’t literally have to say “I was never in the kitchen” for it to count as gaslighting. So…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 08:14 PM
100

For once reddit responded the right way. Thank god. It should have to be this obvious to warrant that though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 07:55 PM
334

I can’t. What the actual fuck. He thinks it’s funny she gets hurt when he scares her and she’s “defenseless”? No, dude. She’s not defenseless actually. She could turn that knife or hot oil on you but she’s not a fucking sociopath like you are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 07:44 PM
5

Yeah... me too. Oh boy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 07:40 PM
12

I’m struggling with the same questions. I have a handful of examples of healthy marriages in my mind to keep me sane, but they are few and far between and come to think about it the couples are my age or much older, like friends grandparents that have already passed, can’t think of any right now in my parent’s generation... that’s interesting. My high school bf for example, his gma got Alzheimer’s early and the way the gpa cared for her and looked at her so lovingly... it was just beautiful. Whe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 07:37 PM
16

The topic of giving a ring meant for someone else to a new woman came up when I was in my early 20s among my male friends. My ex at the time had just used an item he got special for us with a new girl he was dating (I know that sounds really weird but it’s not a sex thing, just an everyday thing with sentimental value to the relationship, I’m just being vague because it’s too specific). So I was really upset and talking about that with my guy friends and they did not get it. They thought I was o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 07:23 PM
25

Uh oh. Another reddit wormhole for me to fall into... lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 07:03 PM
59

This makes no sense. And even if we humored his fucked up and bizarro comparison to racism... ok say there’s a racist patient that doesn’t want a black doctor. Is that doctor gonna fight to see that patient or be like “ok then bye!” The patient isn’t the doctor’s employer. They have no power over the doctors livelihood. Also, if a patient is racist you still could not FORCE them to see a specific doctor. They have that choice no matter how morally fucked it is. So even with his own faulty logic …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 07:01 PM
69

This is the shit that makes me hate the whole psych field. Shit ain’t science. It’s deeply entrenched in misogyny. The whole medical field is one tiny baby step removed from centuries of hysteria diagnoses and sending women to psych wards for having their own thoughts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 06:54 PM
87

Imagine every man is just one convincing woman away from being a family annihilator. The poor simpletons! /s And yet we’re supposed to trust them as our political leaders. Right.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 06:52 PM
25

He doesn’t want her to find anyone better off at college was my first thought. Which was already bad enough. Some man baby jealous “I’m going to piss on my territory” bull. Then I saw some of you explain that she’s waiting for marriage to have sex and now I’m like... how the fuck is she missing that key point in her OP. Eww eww eww. Just no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 06:50 PM
92

Also you can tell the fucking difference between what’s a natural look at an attractive person, and what’s ogling/the male gaze. One is like: oh that dude thought I was cute The other is like: oh that dude is thinking nasty porn thoughts about me and would physically harm me if he could And you know exactly which camp those pissed off commenters fall into. A healthy man who just happens to notice a beautiful woman wouldn’t be fucking mad at this post. These assholes know exactly what they are an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 04:46 PM
3

Ewww... god you’re right.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 04:38 PM
11

I don’t have kids but when I first got my dog years ago and brought her over to my moms, I felt this immediate protectiveness jump out of me like in my mind I thought “get the eff away from my dog” and it occurred to if I did have kids, my mom would be grandma, not my wonderful grandma, and ohhh that was a depressing thought.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 04:33 PM
4

Being with abusive people is what makes us fucking anxious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 04:29 PM
23

Because free emotional labor is always the woman’s job apparently. 🙄 cus we’re so much better at it and men just don’t know anything and couldn’t possibly figure it out themselves. /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 11:14 AM
11

My dad does this with my depression. It’s like it’s an assault against him and I’m selfish for it. When my brother had his first heartbreak something finally clicked for my dad and he apologized for having not been there for me (I lived in another city when the worst of it happened while my brother was at his house at that time)... it was so fucking weird. Like he’s not the worst... he loves me and he was a great dad in a lot of ways but holy shit does he have issues with relating to women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 11:11 AM
16

Document and keep record of everything. If it’s too triggering to keep it on your phone, put it on Dropbox or google drive or email it to someone you trust. Get whatever means of protection are legal where you are (mace, taser, etc.) Notify anyone he might use to contact you that they are not to divulge any info under any circumstances. Read up on advice from experts on this kind of thing. Resources are there, DV hotlines, etc. As for how to heal, unfortunately you may need to put that on pause …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 11:06 AM
16

Wow she’s so edgy. /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 10:48 AM
29

lol yeeeppp. It’s like they all read the same manual on how to be as terrible as possible. So utterly unoriginal in the ways they suck. I mean I know there is pickup artist shit, where guys literally are all reading the same manual. But that’s not the case with the guys I had dated. They just had the same pathologies... hah.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 07:51 AM
5

The therapist telling you that is a great sign! I had one therapist I really loved and when I moved and tried a new one it just didn’t work. Been going it alone ever since.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 07:48 AM
109

Oh yeah. When I finally didn’t need to contact my mom because of siblings any more I blocked her completely. Some people tried to guilt me into contacting her again and it worked briefly and then it bit me in the ass again (of course) so I was like nope. She literally only causes me pain. No value added to my life whatsoever. For people that had good or even adequate moms that sounds so harsh and like I’m some terrible spoiled child but they will literally never understand without spending time …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 07:43 AM
10

Sounds like we have very similar views! I really didn’t believe in evil in the way I do now until I became a Christian and then later dated a psychopath and read Lundy Bancroft’s book. Then it clicked. Some people are just evil. No real explanation, no real reason, they just are. Which kind of hurt me to believe, it was counter to everything I believed my whole life, and I still have misgivings about it but I can’t see another way around it. I mean there is the scientific angle. Some small perce…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 07:37 AM
2

Deleted because this was meant to be a reply so I put it in the right place.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 07:36 AM
28

Been there. Only it wasn’t even a meet cute it was a very bizarre... don’t even wanna talk about it but it was kind of funny before I knew he was a narcissist... story.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 06:46 AM
368

Yes! I had a very similar upbringing and that switch is TOUGH. I have a mantra now, “they are not responsible for your survival.” Because that’s what it is our bodies are reacting to. As kids we had to adapt and take the abuse and be likable and walk on egg shells because we needed to for survival. As adults it doesn’t just vanish, we have to reprogram. Now, it even happens sometimes not just dating but with friends... we’ve had a disagreement or something and that familiar panic and obsession s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 06:43 AM
41

Oh my god and all the fucking comments gushing about how aammmaaazziinnggg their commmuunnjiicaatttiiioonnn isss. And one lone comment like “hey can we lift the woman up here too?” Oh I’m so depressed now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 06:25 AM
31

That’s an easy one. “Question about her.” Him: “Me me me me me me me me me me and and right... if was bad for you... but also me me me me me me me.” I turned it off after that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 06:19 AM
117

I couldn’t read to the end... sooo long and sooo bad. HOW?!?!?! I felt like a fool for paying for a month or two of an ex’s studio rent and he at least paid me back when we split! (And that was a decade before FDS, I was a total pickme and still figured at least some fucking things out, lol) YEARS?!? Years of supporting dead weight?!? I say again... how is this real life?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 06:15 AM
6

Seriously. You couldn’t pay me to go out with a guy I wasn’t actually interested in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 06:08 AM
3

“I won’t spend money on anything but myself and seeing tits. I’m not cheap but I don’t know this girl why am I gonna spend $60!” You don’t know the strippers either dude. So is it about knowing her... or knowing if she puts out? What a ball sack.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 06:07 AM
22

This is such a complex issue. It was a constant topic that came up in abuse forums I was in and it turned into the weird way for some abused women to bully other abused women in the group. I always stepped in and said at the end of the day it’s no ones fucking business if you forgive your abuser or anyone for that matter. Forgiveness is very private and personal and it’s too often shown in this performative way to either spiritually bypass (aka pretend you don’t have trauma and everything is coo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 05:57 AM
3

This was even worse that that! He didn’t want a date and she was like “I’ll keep you company while you do the worst chore ever.” And he was like... shrug. Ok.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 04:18 AM
10

Oh honey baby girl...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 04:14 AM
2

I’m cackling. And snorting. Dead. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 04:07 AM
5

Yeah her interview I was like... “she’s lying, lying, lying and not even convincing.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 03:59 AM
1

Exactly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 03:52 AM
2

Or the photos where you can see it’s a person but he’s always in a hat and shades or really far away so his wife’s friends maaayybbeee won’t think it’s him if they see him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 03:51 AM
3

How was that even a question when she saw the photos were fake?!? Did she need steak that bad?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 03:50 AM
3

Lol this is great. I normally just screengrab the weirdest and creepiest but collecting the same answers is hilarious. It’s like they are all robots from the same boring creep factory.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 03:44 AM
1

Ahhh! Why doesn’t the OP see the red flags here? Why does she think SHE caused the problem?! It’s not her fault! Can someone tell her that? This makes me want to hulk rage. Fuck man. “I accept that it’s because of me.” Jesus. I worry for Angie and this woman both.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 03:40 AM
71

Only all the time. Everyone says you have to forgive the person to move on. I’ve found that wasn’t the key for me. It was forgiving myself. Still working on it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 03:30 AM
7

Do you mean literal pythons or is this some slang term I don’t know?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 03:26 AM
17

Unfortunately there is no “grieve then set it aside.” I mean don’t get me wrong you can have a great life and be generally happy, but the reality is grief comes in waves. I’m over a year free of my last abusive relationship and I still get hit with waves of PTSD and/or grief (not over him but what I went through) that catch me by surprise. Longer and longer gaps between them I’d say but... yeah still there. In addition to therapy if you can, I’d suggest looking into the work of Bessel van der Ko…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 03:24 AM
39

I’ve never seen one but certain states like Florida are more open with their arrest records (that’s why “Florida man” is a thing.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 02:59 AM
8

Omg my god bless that woman. I was dating a known psychopathic abuser and none of the fucking wives that had been friends with the previous gf ever warned me or checked up on me. I’m still fucking peeved about it to this day. You are not at fault nor dumb nor any of that. They are skilled predators. It’s what they do. It’s be like being mad at yourself for losing a basketball game against a pro player (only you didn’t know they were a pro). Now that you know, you can train up too, and become a p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 02:46 AM
3

Sounds like you know your answer. Trust that. ❤️ Remember: You don’t owe him anything, and you don’t need an excuse to break it off. You can end things at any time for any reason.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 02:42 AM
4

And you know he’d never change a damn diaper or clean up a vomit!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 02:30 AM
9

Thank you for messaging her, this is so spot on. I couldn’t even read your full note because it was my life before leaving my ex. Him yelling at me in public was my final wake up call. Reading Bancroft’s book was the solidification I needed to not return. I saw a similar scene months later between a couple and I told the woman she deserved better.... after I had one of the worst public panic attacks of my life (I nearly passed out) around the corner. He had stormed off so I was able to talk to h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 02:25 AM
6

Ah... “We might as well just be together,” the beloved start of all great romances.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 02:11 AM
9

Just wanted to echo the sentiments on this thread. This dude is dangerous. Watch your back and don’t ever underestimate what he’ll do to destroy you if he feels slighted. Read all you can and choose your words and actions very wisely. Grey rock might be a good option for you here if you can’t switch jobs. Look into that. Not to sound doom and gloom, you just really have no idea. I have a story that I can’t really tell without giving too many personal details but let’s just say an old coworker th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 02:08 AM
1

Until we update our ideas on what constitutes abuse, there would be no legal basis to intervene on a case like this. There was an early episode of SVU on this very topic actually. The mom in question ended up getting a restraining order on Det. Benson for harassment and the kid stayed with her. As it stands there’s barely intervention for physical abuse and even if there is, foster homes can be just as bad or worse. Which I don’t even get how the fuck that’s the case because supposedly there’s a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 01:55 AM
4

That’s a thing isn’t it? I want to do that. I don’t know if I’m mentally strong enough but I fucking would sure like to try and take some of these fuckers down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 01:33 AM
32

“These lists women make are often shallow and unrealistic.” 30 seconds later... “That kind of guy is going to want a super model of whatever flavor... a vixen.” Nah, sis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 01:15 AM
1

I don’t think this is the case here cus this guy clearly sounds like trash... but I wanted to say it’s possible. my mom is nuts and was a terrible mother. Extremely neglectful and emotionally abusive but my basic needs were met and no one ever physically abused me so I don’t think there’s any way my dad could have won a battle to get custody of me. My mom can fake normalcy like no ones business (narcissist).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 01:07 AM
9

This is literally my worst fear. I’m so sorry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 01:02 AM
6

Can I ask why you didn’t like him in the beginning? Do you think you had an instinct about him or saw some red flags?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 12:56 AM
14

That’s super fucked and I’m so sorry that happened. I wanted to throw this in here for you and everyone reading: if you ever need help in a crowd, pick someone specific, make eye contact, and give instructions. If you yell help in a crowd for example, it’s less likely you’ll get help than if you look someone in the eye and say “call 911” or “get security.” Yes, some of those onlookers were probably fuckers that wouldn’t have helped anyway, but there are a lot of psychological factors that effect…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 12:42 AM
3

I had no idea. How are you not allowed to defend yourself? Like what CAN you do? Wear lots of big rings and hope for the best? Like fuck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 12:31 AM
1

Wow thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 08:10 PM
9

Oh I totally agree. There needs to be a woman run version of reddit. The shit they pulled taking down Gender Critical and then leaving all this abuse and porn shit up is just so disgusting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 04:24 AM
3

So far not a damn thing. But he had already set a “tentative date” so even before that crack I was like this guy is not giving me green flags. Like set the date or not. Just shows he thought something better might come up. No attention spans. Online dating is the worst I’ll probably delete it again here soon. Keep hoping for the needle on the haystack. Met a few in the past that just weren’t the right fit for me but now it’s... all hay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 12:02 AM
49

Ew. Just ew.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 09:02 PM
2

Apologies I misread. I thought you said didn’t.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 08:36 PM
1

“I want a girl that doesn’t take herself too seriously.” = “she will let me neg her into oblivion without complaint.” And for the love of god I know men and women alike are going it but can we stop the whole “girl” thing?! We’re fucking adult women. Girls are children. Enough.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 08:09 PM
1

There was a post about this recently! I knew a guy that excitedly told my friends and I that he had transcended his ego. 🤦🏻‍♀️ not a dating prospect just a guy I knew from class but holy fuck. Like dude if you transcended your ego you wouldn’t be bragging about it. He changed his name to something real hippie and douchie now. Lost boys.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 08:07 PM
37

Translation: RUN.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 08:02 PM
25

I can’t read this... like why is she smiling like this is some cute human interest story about adopting a puppy? Gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 07:56 PM
10

They had sex multiple times and he’s trying to say he didn’t see the tattoo on her body!? Yeah. Fucking. Right.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 07:53 PM
1

Lol you don’t need talent to have fun. Sports are harder though like... I can’t play volleyball for shit so I would join a team. Try a few things out, see what sticks. Don’t overthink it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 07:49 PM
6

Wow. I don’t know that I agree with her on how much she centers biology over culture but it’s definitely a bigger factor than anyone wants to talk about. I think it’s just dangerous territory because biology is often used as an excuse for men’s bad behavior when in fact women are more biologically inclined to have multiple partners (not rape) but no one ever talks about that or uses it as an excuse when women cheat or are labeled as sluts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 07:48 PM
17

I was seriously... I lost a lot of hope when all of that went down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 07:21 PM
12

All of the self blame in that made me so sad. In what universe is any of this her fault?! Oh wait... this universe apparently. Darkest timeline for sure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 07:16 PM
29

An ex that cut contact with me years ago (long before I had FDS) followed one of my business pages in insta. I checked who he’s following... allll porn stars (or may as well be) and sexy cosplayers. He barely even have any male friends. It’s pathetic. Also some dude messaged me on Reddit about a comment I made about how women are telling each other more and more if a man is cheating and how men are gonna shit themselves... he said nah they’re just going to have to adapt and get smarter... like w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 07:07 PM
22

I wish all of this was around when I was first dating. Lord I needed shit like this. I didn’t know... I had no idea how I was supposed to be treated. I have so much hope for the younger generations but I know we still have such a long way to go.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 07:01 PM
2

Oh if it was about any joke about assault I would have immediately blocked but it was just a drunk guy circling me and he made a joke about my suggestion to have coffee instead of drinks like “good idea that way I won’t circle you” and I was like... the fuck. To be clear I’m still not going on this date. I’ll blame my psych background but mostly it’s just morbid curiosity... to see what he’ll do when I just say nothing but don’t block yet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 06:18 PM
7

A good friend of hers told me. No convincing needed when a woman says something I believe her. I’ve been abused by enough manipulative fucks to not doubt, no matter how amazing he looks on the outside.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 06:08 PM
5

There are some pretty infamous murderers, like the guy who killed John Lennon, that had the book and identified with the main character. I mean, lots of people read it, so obvs it’s not a sign to go running just for that, but the fact that it was the ONLY work of fiction on his shelf raised a yellow flag for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 06:04 PM
3

Yep and I later found out it was his ex that convinced him he had it as she was trying desperately to explain his behavior and help him. He had denied it with her so when she found out he was identifying as such with me she was pretty shocked. We both came out of the conversation pretty certain he was a psychopath after sharing our information with each other. And for sure it’s a good cover. I’m very familiar with autism (dated other men in the spectrum) and I honestly think he was both because …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 06:02 PM
65

I was going to say. We’re so programmed to think “it could be worse.” I do it to myself all the time, literally probably some of my comments on this forum tonight. How shitty is that? It’s like we feel guilty we don’t have it as bad as others, survivors guilt I guess. I’ve also been shamed by other women who had it worse... like I wasn’t “really” abused. Terrible. We need to stop gaslighting ourselves and each other. Women for the most part are treated like garbage even if a hand never gets laid…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 06:56 AM
2

Holy fuck. My moms bfs were abusive man baby dicks. That was bad enough. Nothing like that ever happened. “Lucky” me... 😑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 06:42 AM
1

That’s a thing you can do?!? Fuck why didn’t I know that?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 06:40 AM
9

I agree with everything said so far about the illegitimate reasons to hate on this group. I do think it’s worth pointing out however, there are some members here that are extreme. We’re not supposed to standard shame, and I get that everyone has their preferences but I have seen posits that are pretty cruel about looks or penis size in a way that would never fly if it was a man talking that way about women. Also seen posts about using extremely manipulative tactics that didn’t sit well with me p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 06:38 AM
6

Pickmes don’t have to want to date men to want their approval and brownie points. “Look at me, dudes, I’m cool!” knows no sexual orientation. Fuck, men do the same shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 06:28 AM
5

That cracked me up! Lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 06:23 AM
192

A friend recently found out the guy she was seeing actually had a gf, so she told her. Also, one of my cousins said she’s had to notify two friends recently that she found out their bfs were cheating. I am so here for this new wave of take no shit. it blows my mind that men think they can do this shit... and on dating apps no less. Hah. Nope. Hundreds of women are seeing you on those apps, and you think no one that knows you or your gf or wife will see you and tell on you? Hah!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 06:17 AM
6

I had a guy the other day on a dating app make some comment after we’d barely even chatted like “Why are (my name)s so awesome?” I chatted with my friend about it being a blaring red flag and he thought I was being harsh and a bit paranoid. Not in a mean or gaslighting way, he just didn’t get it. He couldn’t see what I saw. So back to dating app guy, I gave a sassy confident response to his “compliment” but not mean or demeaning, just to see what would happen and mostly to show my friend... dude…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 06:13 AM
31

I was about to explain further but it’s a whole can of worms that makes me raging mad so yeah. America sucks for that kind of shit, and even more so in certain states. Workers have very little protection, if any at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 06:01 AM
13

That and... if he thinks he’s not well off enough to cover checks now, but he’ll provide for her AND a child when the time comes... how does that math work?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 06:00 AM
46

Depends what state I guess. “Right to work” states, employers can fire you for whatever they want basically.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 05:56 AM
15

If I don’t feel safe in a car with a man wtf would I marry him? What’s this about not going in the car with your husband? You’d already live with him by then. I couldn’t read past that. I get the rest, be prepared to go at any time for any reason. Check. Been there. But if I am always gonna think my husband could murder me im gonna just stay single.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 05:55 AM
1

Depends what you’re into and what’s available in your city. My old roommate made a ton of great friends doing adult league soccer. I’m into more artsy stuff so I do that. Tons of adult classes out there. Pottery, dance, fitness, etc. again... Covid allowing. May have to wait, lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 05:50 AM
124

She mixed up the boxes no big deal... just a little woopsies. Now if she happened to get his home number somehow and inform the wife, yeah then she’d probably get in trouble. Lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 05:45 AM
72

I was gonna say... if you’re the type of man pretending to do the dishes, she’s not going to think you made a meal with all that shit and then washed it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 05:44 AM
53

I mean the way he talks would already be a nah from me so I don’t know... lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 05:41 AM
20

No one is even punishing people who have physically raped someone. They’re not going to give a shit about the millions of guys thinking and talking about it. Fucking normalized bullshit. I really do believe it’s because so many of us are products of rape, at some point deep in our ancestry lines at least. Rapists making rapists and teaching they’re children it’s ok. I mean... Ever read about how much of the world’s population is a descendent of Ghengis Kahn? That’s just one example!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 05:37 AM
30

Learning about serial killers and cult leaders will just... fuuuuck your brain up so bad. I shouldn’t watch programs on that kind of stuff but I can’t seem to help myself. A lot of talk now and awareness raising about narcissists, and they’re bad, but psychopaths are next level and so much better at hiding their pathologies. I’m pretty sure my ex was a psychopath... there were even warning signs but he said he was on the autism spectrum so that distracted my alarm bells because I wrongly attribu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 05:30 AM
46

Only every fucking day. It’s terrifying. I met a married couple years ago and the guy seemed just like... such a devoted husband and father and the wife seemed so ungrateful and snippy and rude to him. Recently found out he was abusive and had even r*ped her. I still feel so guilty I judged her thinking she was just ungrateful. She’s divorced and doing well now. But holy fuck. Not making that mistake again. My eyes are wide open. Abusers are so good at making their partners look like the bad guy…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 05:22 AM
18

Just wanted to say thanks for sharing. I have such a deep heart wish for women everywhere to finally have equality and safety. It’s almost too much to think on sometimes. I can’t fathom the strength it takes to stand up in a country like that. Fuck even in the Us. Women are so incredible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 05:16 AM
6

I’ve been there and it’s tough. I definitely lived in cities where I just never found my footing socially and ones where it was like I’d always lived there. If the want is strong enough for other reasons and you’re able to I’d say go for it! But don’t expect the men to be different. Making friends has always come for me from hobbies, classes, and roommates. I can’t say I’ve ever been able to just... go make friends out in the world. I’m pretty reserved with new people so maybe it’s not like that…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 05:12 AM
233

Look how disposable she is to him. He’s willing to blow both their lives up and trash their “amazing” relationship cus he’s worried his peepee isn’t the best. This makes me physically ill.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 04:58 AM
21

100% I could write a fucking book about all of this shit. Women are always either too prude or too slutty and we have to somehow find that perfect balance or be judged for all eternity. Nah. We’re done with that game. No more of that shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 04:55 AM
15

I read his list of feelings and I was like yep, check, clearly, so weak and stupid. What a dipshit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 04:52 AM
12

As someone who’s moved A LOT (and has lots of single friends who have done the same) my answer would be unless you live in the middle of nowhere, I wouldn’t move for dating. If you’re just going to move from one big city to another there is no point. It’s all the same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 04:43 AM
67

A guy I had just set up a date with made a joke in reference to a story I had just told him about a creep at a bar. And I was like... just aghast. I’m just leaving it sit there as an experiment. I know I should just block and delete but I’m like... is he gonna figure it out? Or nah? Like how hard is it to just be normal and not make a joke about something I found mildly threatening when I’m agreeing to meet you... strange man on the Internet. Fuck all of that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 04:31 AM
3

Ugh thank goodness you did! Good on you!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 04:28 AM
790

Men are gonna shit themselves as women get more and more consistent about protecting each other. We’re not keeping cheaters secrets for them nope. Those days are gone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 04:26 AM
4

Oh yeah! That book legit saved me. Im pretty sure I would have gone back to my last ex if I hadn’t read it when I did. It really freaks me out to think about esp with the pandemic. I really hope no one else is trapped there with him in my place. Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 04:04 AM
1

Because men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 09:26 PM
253

Repackaged “Not like other girls” 🙄 This shit used to work on me. Ew.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 09:06 PM
9

I couldn’t get past his first few lines. It was literally like a bad audition from the guy that never paid attention in acting class and thought he was really great for no reason. It blows my mind that people fall for this. No sense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 08:54 PM
60

How are subs like that not banned? Like the fuck. Everything is ok as long as it’s in your head and makes you come? Nah. Fuck that. God, to think these guys are just walking around acting like normal humans. That I could unknowingly go on a date with one of them. Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 08:52 PM
10

I... have no words.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 08:48 PM
31

Despite this story being about a “coach” not a legit therapists, I’ve seen countless stories of real therapists pulling this same shit. Therapists are just people that went to school. Like really... I know that’s obvious but we’re so indoctrinated to blindly follow the advice of “experts” that we forget that. I’ve had an amazing therapist and even was debating being one myself but at the end of the day they aren’t fucking God. People need to stop trusting titles at face value. I’ve seen so many …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 08:37 PM
5

I am sorry to say it but I’ve seen so many posts about women being treated like garbage by their husbands and/or divorced after beating breast cancer. All these assholes can think is “my toys are gone!!! Now my pee pee is sad!” Fucking disgusting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 08:26 PM
4

So common it’s in at least a few shows or movies I’ve seen recently.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 08:22 PM
8

Same. Saaaammme. I can’t understand having such an inhuman lack of empathy. It’s literally beyond my ability to comprehend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 08:21 PM
10

I was guilty of this for years. Kind of sick to look back on. How’d I get it in my head that I just needed to explain it better and things would change?! Yeesh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 08:13 PM
25

Wholesomest insult ever. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 05:26 AM
11

There are so many variables, like others said esp if you live in a big city where cost of living is steep. I know two hvm that had excellent jobs that lived together for years. I assume they used the time of lowered expenses to save up for long term goals (buying a house, saving for marriage, etc). It’s just practical. I don’t get the obsession with independence to the point of just throwing money in the toilet. If you like to live alone, fine... but I don’t think people should have to just to s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 05:11 AM
16

Yeeepp. Fell into all thy bullshit at one point in my life. The worst part is books and articles about it convince you all the pain and struggle is for your learning and growth or worse... “enlightenment.” Fuck that. I won’t say I didn’t learn anything from those kinds of relationships... but I will say most of what I “learned” wasn’t good. Mostly I got indoctrinated with was this idea that I’d never be good enough. The one relationship I learned the most from was the one guy who was a HVM and t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 04:55 AM
6

This is the constant question on my mind. I know a lot of the talks here center around being happy alone, and forget about men, etc. and that’s all well and good if that’s someone’s choice, but I want a family and am not at all interested in going it solo. I feel like I missed the boat. Edit to add: I do know some people that found their ideal partners but it was much later... 50s, 60s. Some really beautiful stories, but not much good to me in my 30s.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 06:38 AM
2

The attitude of every oppressive class when we dare say “no.” Like... we haven’t even BEGUN to feel what true equality would be like. None of the women I care about, or any women in the damn world, are every truly safe from being a victim of assault or rape. We haven’t even achieved the very most base level of equality: safety and bodily autonomy... and yet we are “pushin it too far.” Fuck. That.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 06:31 AM
5

Since there is a word for everything now I’ve seen this called demisexual. Which to me just seems like... normal? Like why is it considered some “other” type of sexuality to want to know and have deep feelings for a person before banging them? Sometimes I wonder if I’m really having a very different experience of the world than most people as all these labels for me imply or if it’s all a big con and what we think is the majority never was...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 06:26 AM
4

If he wants to go the ape route, he’s not even fucking accurate. If I remember correctly, bonobos and chimps are our two closest relatives and their mating is all about sperm competition, aka the females have lots of sex too and may the best sperm win. And if you’re curious to learn more there’s a whole damn book that goes into detail on every aspect of this from why women are so loud during sex to what different squirts of sperm do (spoiler: one has spermicide) in the book Sex at Dawn. This ide…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 06:20 AM
3

That sums up an entire relationship I had. By the end I was scared to even look at him wrong because all roads lead to sex or a giant hissy fit about not having sex. It fucked me up for years after, this feeling like I owed sex or there was going to be a big problem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 06:02 AM
21

I think if I had found FDS any sooner, I would have hated it and everything it stood for. I had to hit my total and final last straw of bullshit before I was really ready to hear these principals and agree with them. Some of us genuinely didn’t know better because we were NEVER treated correctly right from the day we were born. Our entire survival depended on making excuses for the people that treated us poorly. It’s such a long and hard journey to undo all that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 05:49 AM
14

PS: I cheated a few times when I was younger as a subconscious safety hatch out of bad relationships before I knew a healthier way to care for myself and my boundaries.... or even that that’s what I was doing. (I just thought I was flaky or terrible or something at the time) You’re already ahead of the curve with the self awareness. You’re gonna be ok. ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 05:35 AM
29

That’s so funny you said that about the frontal lobes cus I was about to comment “well your brains DID just finish cooking...” lol 25 isn’t as mature as we’re all lead to believe. 18 year olds certainly aren’t adults mentally so legally being adults tricks our perceptions of adulthood. I didn’t really start to feel like an adult woman until about 30 honestly...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 05:31 AM
25

That was triggering as fuck holy shit. We are taught to be forgiving and understanding and act like our very existence is stepping on men’s toes... like how dare she want Chipotle?! Yes... so understandable why he broke! The humanity! /s And then it’s even worse in certain religious groups because you get that fear of God guilt and cultish mindset going. (I am a Christian now by my own choice but thankfully never grew up in that or dealt with churches like that). There are whole groups of women …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 05:25 AM
32

“Har har I’m so funny I’m making the same tired jokes about my wife not banging me enough that have been in my family for generations har har.” Side note: One of the best things about my inability to be fake is that I could never even pretend to laugh at jokes like this in person, even when I was a pickme. Let that awkward silence ring. No pity laughs. It SHOULD be awkward.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 05:16 AM
4

I have so much I want to say here that I don’t even know where to begin. I had a very similar obsessive mindset with a guy I got stuck on for YEARS and honestly it’s been about ten years since I last saw him and I still have anxiety dreams about him. And the reason for that I think is both terrifying and freeing in a way. I read once that people basically live in your neurons. What do I mean by that... well we store shit in our brains. All the moves you’ve seen, books you’ve read, they’re in you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 05:02 AM
6

I’d be down for this tangential sub idea. I actually took a break from reddit for several months because some women on this sub were seriously awful to abuse victims (one turned on me when I was defending the woman) and it was triggering me. I get it. As someone that’s been there a few times and come out the other end, from both angles, I get it. From the outside it looks literally insane. And for someone that’s never been there it’s easy to just be like, “cut that shit out” but as someone that’…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 04:49 AM
3

Probably a million but all I can think of right now are the obvious ones: the manic pixie dream girls. And then there’s almost the opposite of that, characters beloved by pickmes, or rather that pickmes want to be. The “Bella’s” who are as dry as toast but inexplicably captivating to dark and mysterious men (that have no business being hundreds of years old and chasing high schoolers... )
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 04:40 AM
1

I feel like it’s pretty self aware though. Like the point a lot of times is how awful he is, and he gets away with it... which is pretty realistic. The “Jeffs” I know in real life are the same and people react to them in the same way of fawning all over them, men and women. And I’m the Britta (or at least how she was in season 1) going... guys seriously? Now Shirley, she is one of my favorite characters ever. And though I hate that she got back with her husband, can’t say that’s far from reality…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 04:36 AM
2

Marge actually does give up on Homer in the movie but of course he “redeems” himself and tada happy ending. It also more overtly demonstrated the effects of Homer’s abuse on Bart (Flanders takes him fishing and Bart loses the pole in the water and starts reacting as if he’s being choked and is caught off guard to see Flanders calmly sitting there.) But Bart picks the fun and excitement of Homer over the stable lives of Flanders at the end too. It’s like... they addressed the shows moral issues a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 04:29 AM
2

Oh now I’m curious. I never watched it but I have so many friends in love with it that insisted I’d love it too. Never heard that it was misogynistic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 04:20 AM
1

I hadn’t even thought about that! I’ve dated the opposite, guys that treat their moms like garbage. Run like hell from those too, obvs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 04:13 AM
2

Well here’s a trick I use for Hinge: a sort of mild thirst trap. I have mostly down to earth photos or ones of me being goofy as is my personality, text to match, and then one photo from a wedding where I’m in a sexy but elegant dress. So it’s subtle enough not to turn off HVM but as my only sexy photo I know of a guy picks it, where their mind is at (on Hinge you have to “like” something to initiate a match.) If a guy likes that photo, unless there’s something really stellar on his profile (whi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 04:04 AM
4

I like the format but I’m in a big city and surely there are more options but not really better options. I just looked and I have around 30 matches (since the start of quarantine just about, so several months) that went absolutely nowhere. I’m convinced no one on there even wants to get to know people. Like I get it, it’s not a time to go out and date (a couple guys did ask and I was like nah, because they didn’t take any distancing into consideration in their offers) but I thought some pleasant…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 03:57 AM
6

Just a note about LinkdIn, it will tell them you looked. So not the best if you’re trying to be stealth unless you make a bogus account. I got an email about people looking at my profile and saw my abusive high school bf was one of them. Barf.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 03:51 AM
4

Agreed. I had so many friends recommend hinge, and though I’m pretty good at weeding out creepers, what I do get are lots of dudes that don’t talk past the initial back and forth and it’s annoying as all hell. No effort at all, disappear for weeks and then pop back up to try to talk again. Nah, dude. Don’t match if you aren’t actually interested. I had a guy friend tell me on Tinder he’d just swipe right and everyone and see who matched him and apparently a lot of dudes do that. And here I am ca…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 03:47 AM
3

This. I hate this new age victim blaming bullshit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 03:40 AM
5

I had a guy tell me “I just want it to be simpler.” Which on the surface sounds good you know like when people say love is simple, I do believe that when it’s between two fully committed adults that have worked through their issues... but it’s the fuckers making it complicated with all their issues that say this shit because they don’t want it simpler (or they’d just act like functional adults) they want someone that won’t hold them accountable for their shit behavior. Aka “I just want a pickme …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 03:38 AM
4

Yes yes yes. All of this. I dated a few narcissists who did have a lot of good in them but were just sort of... not fully mature I guess is the best way to explain it. Then I dated my most recent ex, someone I now believe to be a sociopath. Dear. Lord. I fully believe there are people that are just evil to the core. I mean... I should have known that already, I wasn’t a sheltered child by any stretch of the imagination, I’d always known stories about horrible acts but I guess to feel more safe I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 03:33 AM
3

I think for me it was always the thought “I wouldn’t want someone to do that to me.” But I never reversed it to realize that some men would do such horrible things that would never even come into my mind to do, who would never ever think about how their actions would affect me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 03:23 AM
3

Maybe he doesn’t hit you (because he’s too smart and in control to do anything that could get him into legal trouble or jeopardize his career) but he uses every other method available to subtly and not so subtly control and manipulate you into doing exactly what he wants (until to his surprise you leave his ass in the dust.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 03:19 AM
17

I was going to say just that. Exactly when happened to me after one too many heartbreaks. I thought I’d never find genuine love and went off the rails into that mindset of “ok I’ll just fuck and have good friends and forget about love.” Thinking i could gain some control of my life but I was even more out of control. Thank God I’m not in that horrible place any more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 11:43 PM
21

He screamed at her and threw her laptop and she’s the one being childish?! Ok dudes. Right. Clap clap for your superior adulting after a literal temper tantrum.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 11:27 PM
8

Linda may be my favorite character of all time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 02:19 PM
7

Read Lundy Bancroft’s why does he do that? It helped me get a much needed wake up call so I could distance my mind and my heart from my abusive ex when I left. I used to be the type to go back a million times. Never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 01:08 PM
1

I don’t think that’s accurate but this isn’t the place for religious debate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 01:05 PM
23

Ideas just looking through the #medbikini photos and posts on Insta and they were giving me life. Women are waking up more and more to the fact that we outnumber men as long as we support each other. It’s about damn time. ❤️💪🏼💪🏿💪🏾
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 06:52 AM
1

The male to female ratio in my old gym was extremely uncomfortable for me. I’d love a women only gym.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 06:48 AM
14

They’re gyms? I thought they were workout classes like zoomba
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 06:47 AM
24

I dated one long term friend who turned out to be at least somewhat sociopathic. We were close too, and had been roommates at one point. He wasn’t some casual acquaintance. It was a total mind fuck how he was such a different person than I thought.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 03:50 AM
13

“That’s weird.” Nah, not weird. Fucked up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 03:39 AM
10

Could have a fake one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 03:39 AM
2

❤️ doing it right.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 09:20 PM
2

I had a LOT of other compounding issues not the least of which was that I kept going back to him. I also had a really negative view from childhood and abusive boyfriends before and after him. I also had no FDS then. ❤️ I’m sorry if I added to your stress. Everyone processes and heals differently and I think having support and confirmation that you aren’t crazy is one of the biggest determining factors.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 06:24 PM
3

He legit said shit like that. Other women would love to have a boyfriend like him. Barf. If I could go back in time and tell my past self to stop believing his bullshit. One thing I’ve said over and over... women talking about shit like this is so important because it’s NEVER just you. Never never never.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 06:21 PM
5

Yep. I dated a guy like this. We’d fight all the time about “my” sex issue. He even suggested I take hormone pills at one point. He had no care or understanding at all for what my sex drive was. It was lower than his so something was clearly wrong with me. 🙄 Robbed indeed. I was young and he was my first adult sexual relationship (after already having an abusive bf in high school) and gaslit me. I didn’t know better for a long time. I deeply internalized that there was something wrong with me an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 04:12 PM
2

I had a very similar situation. It was over 10 years ago now and many of the issues from it have faded but it definitely still effects me in some ways.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 04:08 PM
5

Yikes. The fuck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 04:05 PM
4

Well now I’m really confused.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 04:03 PM
9

Yeah reverse that last picture and have the single mom in the tiny apartment with all the kids and the man in the big house with bags of money and that’s unfortunately the true ending for many women, especially abuse victims.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 04:01 PM
16

You’d think that until you support the Nordic model (decriminalization and support for the sex workers and harsh sentences for pimps and johns) and you still get called a SWERF. True story. Being against the Nordic model, to me, is a clear sign they aren’t actually fighting for women’s safety but women’s “freedom” to be sex slaves... you know “by choice” because it’s so “empowering.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 03:57 PM
13

Wow. One whole dinner. Where has this man been my whole life? 😑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 03:48 PM
12

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: stories like this make me understand Old Testament God. I don’t understand how anyone can be so heartless.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 03:47 PM
7

It sounds like you need to level up your friends and social circle. I had to do it many times over the years, now I don’t have any close friends that think that way at all or would ever treat me like I’m crazy for anything I genuinely think and feel. Some of my family members are a bit that way but they’re the ones in their 60s and in not so great marriages (not the worst either) so I mostly and I just ignore them when they give me bullshit advice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 03:43 PM
3

There is a whole FDS playlist made for Spotify by members!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 03:34 PM
109

I had a friend date a guy she thought was ugly because she thought he’d be safer (and did genuinely fall for him) Dude cheated on her. I wanted to be like... if you’d date him someone else would too... that seems obvious. Made me sad. She’s an awesome person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 03:34 PM
243

It’s an ironic thing that their ego inflates and deflated at the same time. The mindset is “if she would date a loser like me she must not be that great, I can find someone better.” You’re literally losing value in their eyes because of how low their own self esteem is. Cus they can’t just be fucking normal humans and have gratitude about an honest human connection. (Clearly speaking from experience here, though it wasn’t about looks in my case, he was very handsome but had a lot of insecurities…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 03:32 PM
22

Holy fuck. Nothing even remotely similar has happened to me but I felt so immediately triggered I couldn’t read past the title. Skip reddit. Go straight to divorce. Getting married and thinking I have a solid hvm and then finding out he’s complete sociopathic trash is one of my biggest fears.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 03:28 PM
19

Same. I work work work, pursue pursue pursue. Strruugglleee. I was neglected as a child so it was basically the only way I ever got anything. It’s hard to know how to be different as an adult. I no longer do this with men (thanks FDS and Lundy Bancroft) but with my career... oof. It’s hard to tell the difference between what is necessary hard work for an end goal, and what is unnecessary flailing about and struggling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 03:22 PM
12

I feel like there’s something missing here. I mean we live in a culture obsessed with violence for entertainment (war films, superhero films, horror movies), I watch my fair share of violent tv shows (hello SVU) but I’m not a violent person. Comic books are no different.... (unless there’s something weird with the comics I’m missing?) Now if you’re getting some sort of intuition and don’t know how to verbalize it and are just using the comics to latch onto as a reason, that’s a different thing. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 03:19 PM
12

Yikes
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 03:13 PM
11

For. Real.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 03:06 PM
30

Yep. Hysteria is no longer a diagnosis but that doesn’t mean doctors still don’t have that sort of mindset about women. Even other women. I went to a female doctor, a friends mom, hoping I’d be listened to and taken seriously and she was one of the worst ones. Ended up sobbing in her office and everyone just ignored me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 03:06 PM
41

“Must have found someone else.” Cus you couldn’t possible just reject him on his own behavior. What a sad little man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 07:01 AM
12

There’s a brilliant moment in Criminal Minds where a guy is trying to hit on three of the FBI agents in a bar by saying he’s fbi (not knowing they are). The way they reel him into making even more of a fool of himself before revealing the truth just kills me. Garcia mispronounces Quantico and I die. It’s amazing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 06:44 AM
44

Yes they do this. No you’re not paranoid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 06:29 AM
3

Yes! I’ve unfortunately gotten into a lot of abusive relationships but I’ve been safe and away from my most recent one for a year now (not the Christian guy) and I really hope what I learned this last round was the final lesson I needed cus I can’t do this shit any more. I was single for four years before that because of it all. I still hold out hope that the right sort of Christian man will come along, or a man of some similar faith. I can’t date an atheist, even the nicest ones tend to have pa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 05:16 AM
10

I struggle with this. I want to find someone that shares my faith but the horror stories I hear about religious men are often worse than those who aren’t religious. I’ve really only ever been seriously involved with one Christian guy and wow... gaslighting is bad, but “Gaslighting with Jesus” as I call, it is worse. It’s some next level insidiousness that fucked me up for a long while after. It’s hard to even explain.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 02:45 PM
3

There’s more and more opportunity for all of us to do this now in the age of online reviews and social media. Bosses who have any sense take these claims very seriously. And if they don’t there are tons of FB groups to help people launch social media campaigns... in case anyone needed to know that. 😏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 02:40 PM
6

It’s pure fiction. In fact our tribal ancestors were often egalitarian and matriarchal. Trying to claim a biological history of male violence is an easy out for some people I guess.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 02:38 PM
15

No no no no. “Prude” is word used to control and shame women for not doing what men want sexually. No woman has been or ever will be a prude. It’s fucking fiction.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 02:34 PM
8

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 How I wish I had learned this years ago. We always think we need some solid concrete reason to end things. As if being uncomfortable isn’t solid enough.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 02:32 PM
9

Seriously insane. I’ve lived in all kinds of houses and apartments over the years and never once found hairs that shouldn’t have been there. This isn’t rocket science.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 02:24 PM
16

The real plot twist. 🙄 what an ass
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 02:07 PM
5

I came back to add: Photos with celebrities. Save it for stories further into dating. You’re not impressing anyone trying to pretend you’re tight with celebs you probably stood in line 5 hours to meet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 03:42 AM
43

Guys that joke brag like: “I have a job, I’ve never been arrested...” Translation: be happy with what you get because I’ll do no more than the bare minimum If they’ve cropped people out of their photos, especially a woman. We all have cell phones, take some new photos dude.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 07:36 AM
2

I just watched the Epstein doc the other day and that rage is still burning. I knew it was bad but I didn’t know just how bad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 04:04 PM
1

Every single time I thought I was “overreacting” to something small, dude was actively or later revealed himself to be an abuser and it was my subconscious screaming at me. I don’t know if you want kids or not but that’s where my mind goes, and i think it’s a good litmus test even if don’t: If I can’t trust him to worry about my safety, how could i trust him with a child? Another way would be... “would I ever do that to someone I love?” We shouldn’t even need these litmus tests, we are enough, w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 04:03 PM
2

Omg. What a dick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 03:53 PM
3

Someone in there trying to tell her it’s common. And her going I know it’s common but is it normal? My response: “Pedophelia is common. Rape is common. Is it “normal” well the numbers get big enough and people will scream from the rooftops that it is. Doesn’t make it true. It’s not normal and it’s not ok. And It’s worth pointing out that the human brain isn’t fully developed until around 25. Idgaf that 18 is the “legal” age. 18 year olds are manipulated and sometimes even trafficked into porn. H…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 03:51 PM
2

Yep. The most transparent code that ever existed because no one actually fucking cares or protects girls from predators.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 03:44 PM
41

Seriously that story makes no sense. Even if there was a road that he could drive by... there’s a kid all alone drowning and you see it and no one else does? Also... We were taught in a swim safety class that real drowning doesn’t usually look like the movies with big splashes and flailing arms. It’s more a nearly imperceptible giving up and descending into the water.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 08:30 AM
2

Shaming a woman who has already been victimized is wasting your breath, but you have no trouble doing that apparently. Comments like yours are part of why women who could really use the advice here run for the hills. We’re here to tell women the hard truth, sure. But shame has no place in that. Shame should only be put on the perpetrators, not the victims. I don’t get how you aren’t understanding this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 06:16 PM
6

This is the shit that pisses me off. Bashing other women isn’t helping. Especially because so many of these cases happen with women who were in committed long term relationships with someone they thought they could trust. It’s one thing sending nudes to some rando on the internet. But none of it should be shamed. Victim blaming is NOT helping our cause. Yes be smart. Yes, don’t send nudes. But women bashing women and blaming other women for the behavior of men is exactly what this sub is NOT abo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 05:05 PM
3

I’m so sorry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 05:01 PM
46

Ugh the one comment at the bottom about how there “has to be more to the story” NO THERE FUCKING DOESNT! Why can’t people get it through their thick fucking skulls that there is true, underserved evil in the world? Like. Child rape exists. End of story. End of any attempts to victim blame. Abusers abuse no matter what their victims do or who they are. Yes it’s our responsibility to do all we can to protect ourselves but their abuse isnt Ever our fault. The end. People like this make me so mad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 05:19 AM
75

I mean... hasn’t been my experience 😂 they just stay shitheads forever
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 04:51 AM
16

Did she delete it I can’t find it now. There are hotlines she can call if you can get the message to her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 04:50 AM
42

It breaks my heart every time a so clearly vile thing gets posted with the question “am I overreacting?” People really don’t get how deep and strong gaslighting can go. And if you’ve never been there and don’t get it, consider yourself lucky. But please don’t doubt that this is real. This is basically how I see every abuse victim talk, no matter how bad their situation is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 04:47 AM
49

No. This is a very normal response from abuse victims.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 04:43 AM
73

Because they’re in charge of the legal system.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 04:42 AM
41

Because they ARE the low value men. Hvm agree with us. LVM don’t want us figuring out their bullshit. It’s kind of blowing my mind recognizing how DELIBERATE their bullshit is. Like I had times in my life where I didn’t treat people right and it’s because I just wasn’t thinking and was in a bad place. I never sat around and plotted how to be a shithead to get things from people, but a lot of these guys DO! And that’s the part I didn’t get before reddit. I used to think it was all subconscious an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 04:41 AM
76

Yep. Fell victim to this once. I scoured a guys fb for any signs of a gf, saw none and felt it was safe to go ahead with a date (we met traveling and were remeeting years later when he was in town on business, he lived far away). We have a lovely dinner date, sparks are flying... BUT THEN he tells me, as we’re making out in his hotel room, that he has a gf. And that he’s cheated on her before. The level of anger and humiliation I felt was just... god I still can’t understand wtf he did that. Thi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 04:33 AM
13

Ugh. Makes me shudder.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 10:10 PM
1

I get it. I probably would have been the same way of someone came at me like I did to her when I was in bad relationships. Makes me sad to think about. If I could wave a magic wand... sigh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 10:08 PM
2

Update: she mad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 10:04 PM
1

Nope she got mad at the FDsers that commented instead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 10:03 PM
2

Yeah I used the “a” word and that made her real mad. She told me not to pull a muscle from reaching and that it was an isolated incident and he respects her and her boundaries.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 10:03 PM
5

I’m saying though, people do. I’ve seen people say shit basically along the lines of “serves her right if she’s that dumb.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 10:00 PM
20

I get being careful not to victim blame after the fact but we should certainly be encouraging women to stop doing this before the fact. Like spot on. Revenge porn is common as fuck and it’s not cool.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 07:24 PM
10

Wow. This is so obvious and yet mind blowing. How fooled we’ve all been thinking those behaviors are normal (hair pulling, choking, etc.) I’m kind of spinning right now realizing how many of my partners were at least mildly leaning that way. Gross. So gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 05:05 PM
136

When I told my ex I didn’t need him I wanted him (before I fully comprehended how awful he was) he acted like I stabbed him in the back. Just so offended. Like... he was so transactional and abusive that he couldn’t seem to fathom the very notion of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 04:51 PM
14

I can’t speak to the rest of the relationship but the sheltering in place is serious. With all those roommates as variables that’s just a recipe for disaster and it wouldn’t be fair to put them at risk. And what if they’re all in relationships and wanted to see their partners too? Like, no. Just stay home people. As for not saying he misses her... well some people just aren’t expressive in that way. If it bothers her that much maybe they just aren’t compatible or maybe there’s something deeper t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 04:48 PM
15

You can’t, and he may not even know and there’s no test for men. But other sti’s, everyone should get tested between each partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 04:39 PM
9

I can’t even remember when I started to dress myself... that’s how young I was. I feel like even at ten I would be mad if someone laid clothes out for me... and there are grown ass men that like it? Like that’s just crazy to me from all directions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 06:59 AM
5

I’m so confused. If his pants aren’t tight and presumably they’re in an office setting so it’s not like he’s in gym shorts or something sheer, and she even admits she doesn’t think he’s purposefully doing it like... I honestly don’t see what the problem is. Maybe there was more to it that I couldn’t read but the post is deleted now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 06:55 AM
3

Holy duck having to comment again because I can’t even wrap my head around people caller HER the asshole. No effing way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 06:47 AM
25

Seriously!!!?!? We all have cell phones with cameras take another damn picture!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/20 09:32 PM
177

Power and control. He knows damn well no one gives a fuck if he gives her a free coffee, baristas do it all the time. He just wants to humiliate her. “It’s the law.” Naw dude. Worse than a loser, an abuser.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/20 09:27 PM
1

If you get any more and you can’t bare to keep it yourself I’d suggest sending it to a trusted friend or family member or saving it on a flash drive. I’m sorry you are growing through this and I completely understand why you deleted everything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/20 08:47 PM
3

The topic has come up a lot and I’ve written at length before so I’ll summarize my basic view: If a guy has a good heart but is maybe being a dumb Fuck boy due to social pressure and/or not addressing his own issues, it’s possible. I’ve seen it. Much like how a pickme can eventually become a hvw But if a guy is an abusive manipulative asshole and/or full on negative value man. I very much doubt it. The thing is most women in love with the latter think they’re with the former. (Been there) In any…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/20 10:01 PM
2

Do you have proof of him threatening to do that? That’s already a crime in some places I believe. See if there are any victims services you can find that give free legal advice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/20 08:08 PM
5

It’s breaking my heart to see you blaming yourself. If this was your dear friend coming to you with these issues would you say to her “ it’s all your fault you deserved it!” I certainly hope not. Be your own dear friend. I’ve been there. On forgiveness: Everyone told me to forgive him forgive him and I’d heal. No. They don’t realize abuse victims forgive their abusers all the time. It’s when I forgave myself, the doors to healing swan wide open. When it’s come to my abusers, personally nothing h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/20 05:07 PM
18

Yep. Walk and take all your songs with you. Do not let them try to weasel their way into having some of them. Get your ducks in a row for any proof of authorship you may need if they get nasty.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/20 04:53 PM
27

Been there. Done that. Never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/20 04:52 PM
60

Has she been reached out to? This man is an abuser, it won’t matter if she turns into a Victoria secret model over night. He just wants power and control over her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/20 04:51 PM
5

Here’s a question: if you are this insecure now, what would happen if they fuck up your face worse? Because that is a very real possibility, and it happened to at least two of my friends that went for very minor procedures. You sound very desperate to blame your face for your lack of attractiveness and seem very invested in plastic surgery in the cure-all. That’s the problem. It’s super unattractive for men to blame shallow things for the reason why they can’t pick up women. It shows a lack of u…
/r/askFDS21/03/20 10:41 AM
17

Yep. I was thinking about if I’d still been with my ex. Yikes. I hope he doesn’t have a new woman stuck in his house with him, no one deserves that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/20 10:20 AM
11

The fact that you call these piss-poor choices you are making “flaws” tells me all I need to know. Stop overplaying you’re career successes and really take a look at the serious issues you have that it seems like you’ve done nothing to combat, and in fact have leaned into. If you have money for escorts you have money for therapy. There is nothing HV about your behavior thus far. No high value woman will accept you in your current state nor should they. Your past is over. Lots of people got bulli…
/r/askFDS20/03/20 10:08 PM
2

Ah I see. That makes no sense all of the fighting is still there anyway. Lock it but don’t delete it. I keep seeing so many posts that do get deleted by the op though when they don’t get the answer they like and it’s so annoying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 07:03 PM
6

Oh yeah! Totally missed that!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 07:02 PM
21

Oh for sure. Even at my most pickme pre FDS I always had that. I saw what happened when my mom had to leave my stepdad and we had nothing. It was so awful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 05:36 PM
16

Exactly! It’s some messed up programming I had to sort through like looking at all the excuses I made for my exes anger towards me when I was still in the thick of it and then looking around at my close friends, male and female, who would never in a million years talk to me that way... and that’s with me really putting strains on our friendships when I went through a period of being in a very bad way. My friends saw me at my worst and never mistreated me. My ex saw me at my best and still hated …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 05:30 PM
50

I know... I worry about the whole FDS thing saying to get married within two years. Abusers can fake it for soooo long.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 05:25 PM
59

The line that got me was the bit about “stays off the streets” I mentioned this in a reply comment above but I found it worth repeating. holy hell! Like... video games are the only thing standing between him and a life of crime? Is that what that means?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 05:24 PM
15

Look. My dad can be sweet and bring the whole family little snacks when I’m home for a visit. He’ll go through the house and hand out plates of cheese or fresh fruit, etc. while we’re watching tv or a movie. So yes we can certainly serve and love to serve the people we love, regardless of gender roles. This post however is a big ole steamy pile of bullshit. It’s very “look at me! I’m not like other women! I don’t complain about his video games! I bring him food! Lalala I’m so happy!” The line th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 05:22 PM
13

Are you really coming here to learn in good faith because it doesn’t seem like it with your replies. It seems like you want some quick fix or magic pill to get a gf and that doesn’t exist.
/r/askFDS20/03/20 05:10 PM
3

Hmm? I meant the original post. I’m confused. Sorry I wasn’t meaning to call you a coward.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 05:02 PM
4

This is just a comedy bit isn’t it? Like why are we getting mad?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 12:17 PM
3

That one guy commenting on every comment supporting FDS whining about paying for dinner. I got so sick of seeing it I finally schooled him. He probably will still try to argue. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 12:10 PM
16

Oh sweet Jesus!! That’s is some major yikes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 11:36 AM
16

💀 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 11:34 AM
11

This is exactly what was at play in the aziz ansari debate. Men and some women not understanding how deeply engrained this social conditioning is to just like... grin and take it when a man is not respecting your boundaries. The response to that whole thing was simultaneously disgusting and enlightening. I legitimately Lost friends over it that were shaming and blaming her. Good riddance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 11:33 AM
12

The fact that her bf at least tries to cheat (if not successfully cheats) is sad enough... but I’m thinking too about being the woman on the other end trying to do the right thing here and being met with this reaction... and then on top of it all the woman publicly shows it off. God. How awful. This is why women are scared to warn each other!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 11:28 AM
2

I entertained a guy like this long before FDS. He got more and more insistent and whiny, even suggesting I had sexual issues I needed to go to therapy for, (not even my bf yet, mind you!) until I finally wisened up and blocked him everywhere. This will not get any better if he already feels entitled to sex. That means he cares about getting some more than he has ever or will ever care about you as a person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 11:16 AM
9

I haven’t spent time in there, but I was briefly on a fb group that was similar (I didn’t realize at first) and they were all real women and it was very much scary advice they were giving each other to basically stay with abusive men at all costs, short of violence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 11:03 AM
7

Exactly. A similar question has been asked here before too if you wanted to see some other input.
/r/askFDS20/03/20 10:50 AM
3

Ugh I hate when people delete their posts. Cowards!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 10:48 AM
25

You sound like you haven’t actually cared about any one specific women, you’re just trying to fill some sort of spot in your life. Then you get some good advice about being your authentic self and totally let it blow right over your head. Being your authentic self isn’t about doing whatever you want. That’s just hedonism. I may want to eat a box of donuts, doing it doesn’t make me authentic. And the way you talk, it sounds like you view women the same as donuts. Women pick up on that. We’re more…
/r/askFDS20/03/20 10:44 AM
26

I dunno... I didn’t know what that song is but it still sounded like porn music to me right away. I think it’s plausible to set off alarm bells in someone, especially with the drastic sound change, without them specifically recognizing it from pornhub.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 10:33 AM
24

Ugh what in the bloody hell. She is so mixed up in so many ways and it makes me genuinely sad for her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 10:27 AM
62

This is not only pathetic, but it’s based in no reality that I’ve ever seen. Men are socially isolated? Nah, dude, that’s just you. Go play some sports or join an improv team or something. Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself talking about how women have it better. Please.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 10:24 AM
4

Im worried and my job is secure... but it’s harder to do it and focus without things to look forward to. We all have to work even harder now to find that inner strength and peace. This could be very good for us in a lot of ways. And that’s not to make light of how terrible this situation is for a lot of people. Just... we have to do what we can.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/20 05:52 PM
46

That mentality is kind of like how when people didn’t want to go to war they didn’t “support the troops.” You’re like... that makes no sense. Shouldn’t we support them by not wanting them to die?! Being against porn is the best thing for the women in porn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/20 05:50 PM
2

Hobosexuals is the term I’ve heard 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/20 05:47 PM
37

What in the bloody hell. I’ve had friends in worse situations (fleeing abuse, leaving jobs, etc) that figured out how not to end up on the street. Dude needs to figure his shit the fuck out. It is not her problem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/20 02:31 AM
2

Called it. Let’s chat more when you finish up. ;) there are a couple threads on here about the show already too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/20 02:26 AM
43

“Don’t worry, I’ve prioritized her over you even though I’ve never met her so... good luck. Fight over me.” Gross, dude.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/20 10:56 PM
21

Yeah I read that post earlier and it just didn’t seem right at all like... nah. You did not have a healthy relationship for 12 years and then this suddenly happened. I don’t buy it. There’s no way it was healthy. There’s no coming back from being hit. Just end it and move forward.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/20 07:23 PM
9

I knew a lot about what a healthy relationship should look like but had rarely experienced it. I read a lot of relationship books. What those relationship books all do is give healthy couples tools in good faith to make their relationship even better. I didn’t understand or didn’t want to understand that you can’t use those on a man that genuinely doesn’t give a shit about you. None of those books teach you how to bet BEFORE you get into a relationship, or how to know when to give up. Until I re…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/20 04:29 PM
23

I’m a bit messy myself so when I saw the “Am I overreacting?” Tag and her saying she’s a neat freak I was like oh here we go... AND THEN holy fucking shit. Like I thought she was going to say there were some dishes or some unfolded laundry... how on either is her husband even a real person. Like in what universe is ANY of that ok?!? That asshole left it all thinking she was just gonna come home and do it all for him... WHICH SHE DID! Jesus, woman. At least she left him. She should have made one …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/20 02:13 AM
10

Not even that bad?! I’m very scared to know what you have put up with in your life. It’s is THAT bad and then some and it’s not her job to clean up so he can be a disgusting and disrespectful slob who plays video games all day. NO.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/20 02:09 AM
25

Me answering in my head as I’m reading. Trash on counter: No you’re not. Cat shit on the floor: NO YOU’RE NOT Pee on bed: WHAT IN THE EVER LOVING HELL IS THIS TROLL DOING WITH A WIFE?!?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/20 02:05 AM
2

So true! A friend of mine wouldn’t stop talking about it so I was like ok ok I’ll try. Definitely an excellent case study in what NOT to do in dating. Not reality TV but if you haven’t watched A Black Lady Sketch Show on HBO yet I highly suggest it. SO GOOD! Astronomy Club on Netflix is good too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/20 09:28 PM
2

Hehe I knew it!! Me too. I’m obsessed but like a month late to the reddit chats lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/20 06:55 PM
4

I think his nastiness is pretty well covered but I wanted to ask what show you’re talking about 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/20 06:31 PM
13

I am one of those women that has had some tough relationships BUT if I had had FDS earlier I could have avoided almost all of it. I genuinely didn’t know what to look for, how bad “small” red flags could turn, or know my value. I’m not here because I’m bitter. I’m here because I still have hope and want to know better next time, and I freely share my stories because I want other women to know better before they make the same mistakes as me. I genuinely think most of the women here want the best …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/20 06:27 PM
12

This is the number one lesson I’ve been learning from FDS post over and over again. Well said! ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/20 06:21 PM
2

I’m late to the party and I want to taallkkk. 😂 this show is driving me mental and I just keep watching.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/20 07:41 AM
76

Have you read the handbook? There is it one thing you said that makes this guy a viable option. Why are you even trying to make yourself think this is ok? The hooker thing is an obvious deal breaker but even without that, if a guy makes you sick to your stomach, RUN. Just run. Fast and far.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/20 07:39 AM
18

Holy fucking hell. I can’t understand being that lacking in basic human decency. Like... who are these fucking “men”?!?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/20 06:32 AM
12

Full. On. Abuser. I could smell it a mile away and then boom. Proved it in front of cameras. Oooo I was so mad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/20 12:57 AM
12

If you’re wanting us to tell you to go for it you’ve come to the wrong place and you know that. Men will go for what’s easy and comfortable not because they truly like you but because you’re there and why not. Is that what you want? If he genuinely likes you he’ll figure out what to do next without any help from you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/20 06:28 PM
23

They’re either with abusers themselves and projecting with their advice that everything will be ok if you just keep trying or they’ve never been with an abuser and are speaking from pure ignorance on how truly terrible people can be.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/20 06:25 PM
77

Ahhh I’m going to go insane with this bad advice I’m reading on the op!! “JuSt TaLk to Him” NO! That dude doesn’t give one fuck about her, her health, or what she wants. There is nothing to fucking talk about. This is the shit that keeps women abused for longer. If a man doesn’t care that his actions make you sob over and over, it doesn’t even matter what those actions are, he is not going to get better. Get rid of him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/20 04:41 PM
45

I had friends like this in college. Some eventually got their heads out of their asses and grew up. The ringleaders never did. They’re in their 30s now and still shit to women. Trust me when I say you can try to speak up but they will bury you, especially if they’re all in a group. I used to speak up about my friends misogyny all the time and it was always like awww what a silly little feminist with no sense of humor. If you really want to say something, talk to the guy or guys that seemed least…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/20 04:33 PM
14

I honestly love this show and my best male friend is a hvm and the sweetest person ever and loves the show too. As the other commenter said it’s important to know WHY. Many of us love some pretty depraved shit honestly when it comes to shows. Breaking Bad. Handmaid’s Tale. To name a couple more. I don’t think liking a show in and of itself is a red flag unless you are very religious or something and plan to have a home without such influences. Then it just wouldn’t be a good match. Westworld is …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/20 04:26 PM
66

First off, kick him of that pedestal you have him on. If he treated you like that he’s not HV. Period. Sounds like he may even be a covert narcissist. Read up on those if you’re not familiar with how they operate, it may make you more upset for a bit but it’ll help to see the truth in the long run if my suspicions are correct.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/20 01:50 AM
8

I’m lost. Did he genuinely not want to come over or was he doing like a “psyche! Of course I want to come over.” Regardless that wounded animal shit is a no go. Grow up dude.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/20 01:35 AM
29

“BuT mY dIcK isNt dIrTy!!”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/20 01:30 AM
15

Hmmm this is a flip side of how I’ve normally seen financial abuse defined. I’ve seen it a lot that the man makes all the money and has all accounts in his name (even if the woman makes money he may take it into his account as the “head of house”) and then the woman can’t get out because shes financial dependent. I’m pretty sure my abusive ex was working his way to that. At first he was a gentleman paying for everything and so kind but it eventually started twisting from a happy “I got it! Don’t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 07:22 PM
13

I agree with most of the comments, just wanted to add a different perspective, I think it’s possible... BUT, big but, it’s still not a reason to be the pursuer as a woman. I know an adorable married couple, both high value, and they were best friends for years before dating and they kind of both were clueless about their affections all around. It got to the point where other people outside of the relationship were like... umm hello? Until they eventually figured it out. However, stories like tha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 07:12 PM
109

Ummm... what she described was a servant not a queen. A queen doesn’t watch anyone eat before eating. What crazy ass nonsense. She might as well go eat alone in the kitchen. Or maybe under a cupboard under a staircase. Gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 07:03 PM
58

Wow. This seems like the kind of situation where it really needs some time to settle out. This man is between a rock and a hard place and no he shouldn’t have cheated for either woman’s sake but we’re all human and this is a really fucking intense situation with emotions running high. I do genuinely think it’s possibly to deeply love and respect two people and not know what the hell to do and it sounds like that’s right where he is and either way he’s going to fail and disappoint one of both of …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 07:00 PM
7

I was thinking the same thing. I shudder to think what they said.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 05:23 AM
7

I dunno what to tell you that was a lot of different things thrown out there all at once in very vague terms.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 05:20 AM
9

Ugh. So many people think everyone is freaking out over nothing and are being completely ignorant to what’s going on. I don’t know what you would say to this dude. My instinct would be to inundate him with a bunch of links to the cold hard facts about the situation but that is certainly not FDS advice It’s so obnoxious that men think they set the standard for what’s laughable and if women aren’t on board it’s out fault. We have better instincts than men. We know when shit is serious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 05:18 AM
5

Umm... the other reddit group you comment in with this account.
/r/askFDS13/03/20 05:09 AM
15

Yeah, some women will not be ok with that, fine, those women aren’t for you. But being in a small dick group with a bunch of men feeling sorry for themselves and calling FDS “toxic” isn’t going to help. That’s the definition of “small dick energy.” It’s really not that much different than the answer for the question about short guys: Some women won’t be into you specifically for certain physical traits and if you take it in stride and don’t be all down and whiny about it, other women will come a…
/r/askFDS13/03/20 03:23 AM
34

Ugh people are so obnoxious. Therapy only works with willing participants and even then it’s an uphill battle. Dude is doing exactly what he wants to do and doesn’t give a shit about anything else.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 02:32 AM
25

So this was a comment to someone else... and it was meant to be encouraging?! Ohhh sheesh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 11:34 PM
243

This. Is. Hilarious. “We work together and do group platonic things and She’s never flirted with me. Mystery to solve!” *pulls out white board and goes all beautiful mind on it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 11:32 PM
44

What are the comments telling her?!? Please tell me they aren’t gaslighting her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 10:36 PM
20

Oh god I couldn’t even finish reading that. It’s so sick... like WHY!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 10:36 PM
11

The nude part isn’t the main issue and that’s his trick here. He’s saying a lot of weird ass shit in a weird ass way. Even if he hadn’t mentioned being nude that exchange is setting off level 10 alarm bells for me and then the tricky mind games shit comes with the admission of liking to be nude. Because as you just did, it gets you distracted thinking “oh that’s totally fine!” Which it is fine to be nude in your own home but that’s not the point. And if it was your best friend over coffee going …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 04:31 PM
4

Yeah... I had a similar situation. It did not end well. Listen to these ladies. If he really wants you he’ll make the first move. That’s not toxic, that’s just common sense. I mean here you are being eaten alive by it so much so you want to say something. If he felt the same it’d bubble up eventually, but it hasn’t so... probably not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 04:24 PM
3

For me, I do want kids so I’d be open to it in theory but I have career ambitions that will probably eventually have me moving again so the reality is I wouldn’t want to start dating anyone that has strong ties and can’t eventually move with me. Even without possibly moving it’d be tough though. It’d have to be a situation where we met and knew each other and really hit it off naturally as opposed to online dating.
/r/askFDS12/03/20 04:02 PM
2

Wow that new flair is bugging me out. Even as icky as it all felt I didn’t ever think of it as assault or stalking. Hmm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 03:51 PM
6

I’m all for ghosting if a man is rude, abusive, cheating, etc. I can’t get behind it in a scenario where a dude was nice and was making a genuine effort and thought it was going well and then gets ghosted when you’ve used him for sex. I don’t see the point in that. That’s just shitty behavior. The point is to protect ourselves from dehumanization not participate in it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 08:20 AM
2

I don’t think you’re lying about the posts, and I even went back and read a few, BUT that’s just not how they come across to me. Though I can see how you would feel that way. I think the posts that are rubbing you the wrong way are using the descriptor “short” and a condensed way to say (as the other comments explained) short + insecure and/ or a dick about it. Some posts are even specifically talking about self proclaimed “shortcels.” Granted lots of women do set a standard of only dating talle…
/r/askFDS12/03/20 07:57 AM
12

I’d definitely take some things on a case by case basis... but lying about being with an ex.... oof. Nope
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 03:51 AM
6

Exactly what I was going to say! Lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/20 08:37 PM
11

Anal slut 😑
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/20 04:56 PM
21

EVEN IF for some inconceivable reason he had a trigger that occurred here, that’s still not even a fucking thing to do. That’s not how triggers work. When I get triggered I have a panic attack and go somewhere safe until it passes. I don’t make major life decisions. I read an article years ago about how mental health can’t be used to excuse being an asshole and it was really eye opening to learn the different and begin to recognize people in my life that used poor mental health as an excuse for …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/20 04:49 PM
38

I don’t understand how anyone is taking the dudes side. Fucking NO. Like they had a fully fledged long term relationship that he decided to end and call her a psycho without bothering to find out what the hell was happening. Nah. There’s no way to see his side on this one. I don’t get why people try so damn hard to figure out SOME WAY that it must be the woman’s fault when a man does something shitty. It’s so exhausting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/20 04:42 PM
8

If you scroll down the comments there’s an auto posted copy of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/20 04:40 PM
18

There’s so much more going on here than just the obvious. Him not letting you use his phone is super sketch. It means he is hiding something or doesn’t trust you or both. Also saying he’s been “perfect” and you see a future with him when he’s behaving like that is a bad sign. You are future faking yourself here, and it sounds like you are trying really hard to convince us or yourself that everything is great when it’s clearly not because you’ve come on reddit to ask for help. Some people do marr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/20 04:33 PM
5

Ah gotcha. I was thinking maybe that’s the case. Still a damn weird thing to say after all that. Like clearly you are worried, mate! 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/20 04:27 PM
18

Ah I see I was thinking stacys and beckys were the same I had to google it. Lol. I thought it was a joke more akin to like “ill be the ken yo your Barbie” Either way super lame.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/20 04:25 PM
15

Wait... what did I miss here? When did he insult your appearance?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/20 08:22 AM
23

That’s hilarious. What does that last line even mean?! Lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/20 08:17 AM
75

Giving up, no. That’s defeatist language and you’re too young for that. You can make a choice to be single a while. You can make a choice to take less shit. But you cannot “give up” no one in this group will abide by that kind of language. Also, I’m in my mid thirties and hotter and more confident than I’ve ever been so do NOT buy the bullshit that you only have a few years left. I have aunts in their 60s that are still gorgeous. Like, no. Men need to shut the Fuck up. You just have to get to a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/20 04:59 PM
3

Hey. No reason to be embarrassed. That was all on him. Like we have enough to worry about and enough lies to sort through and we have to go in assuming he’s not even using the right name? Nah, that’s not on you. Sociopaths are slick. Anyone can be tricked by them. You did real good figuring it out this fast. Onward and upward! ❤️ sending you love.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/20 04:54 PM
13

Oh For. Sure. Any time I see a guy whining about sex I’m like... yeah ok. Guys don’t get it. They want sex to feel loved. Women want to feel loved to have sex. If the dude is waiting for the sex to show his love he’s might wait a long ass time cus she’s not gunna just do it like a robot whenever he wants it. It’s really fucking obvious if they cared to delve deeper. But it’s all about them and what they can get.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/20 04:48 PM
4

I am! Thank you. Free from all abusers and working on processing through the waves of ptsd.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/20 04:46 PM
12

You have to practice every day calling out lies and bull shit, not necessarily to the source but in your own mind at the very least. His opinion is bullshit and it’s your job (all of our jobs) to recognize it for the bullshit that it is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/20 06:05 AM
22

Yes and no. There’s a sort of “my abuse was worse” contest that happens sometimes and yeah, I have seen women who have been severely abused undermine “lesser” abuses (it’s happened to me because I’ve never been hit but I was severely emotionally abused) and I can’t see what possible purpose it serves. Calling abuse or harassment out for what it is helps everyone. The men who do the “lesser” abuses may have or one day would do worse because it all stems from dehumanizing women. There are obviousl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/20 06:03 AM
5

Just leaving us hanging here?! 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/20 05:58 AM
5

Eww. Like.. why
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/20 05:52 AM
156

I don’t understand how in the same breath he says how much he cares about her and then speak so poorly of her and talk about her in such a depersonalizing way. So gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/20 03:50 AM
2

Dear. Lord. A guy on a date once told me his roommate “horror story” and it was that he or she just left a pizza box on the coffee table for several days. Like yeah inconsiderate but if that’s as bad as it gets... I mean just throw the box out. Lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 09:59 PM
7

Seriously. And he has a PhD. I look at men like this and I’m like... how?! How do they go around functioning in the world and have friends and a job?! I also asked him why he was leaving his current residence so maybe there was an issue there and he acted like a jerk about the dog to not answer that question. Wouldn’t surprise me with his shit attitude. He’s probably the kind of roommate that only does his own dishes and won’t touch anyone else’s or clean common areas.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 05:42 PM
5

Yep. I’ve experienced this. Ugh. Gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 01:03 PM
15

Well... dude looked like a damn backstreet boy to be honest... lol. My first thought was oh he picks up a lot of women and I don’t want to deal with that. Then I did the whole mental don’t be judgmental dance blah blah blah that’s not necessarily the case blah blah blah. Ya know. The question was if he’d be willing to let the dog out from time to time when I’m out. He responded “are you looking for a roommate or a dog walker” and that was it. Like... bro there’s a yard no one said anything about…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 01:00 PM
1

It’s not as minority as you’d think, unfortunately. I’m a Christian but a new one with my own interpretation of things so I don’t buy into a lot of the “traditional” interpretations of things esp on gender, but I have friends who grew up in the church and have tried to “explain” this to me. I get what they think they’re saying and maybe in the original language the word has a different connotation, but no one will never convince me to “submit” to a man. No effing way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 08:50 AM
2

Not even. A 13 year old would at least hide it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 08:40 AM
24

A guy I know irl told the story of the worst night of his life to our friends group... it was so dumb and trivial and all his own fault that even the pickme who is normally kissing his ass because he’s hot turned to me and said “that’s the worst night of his life?” And we both laughed our asses off and had a moment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 08:34 AM
63

I didn’t get that vibe at all. Probably because she is too embarrassed to talk to anyone she knows in real life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 08:25 AM
81

Also... the number of people trying to give advice on this while simultaneously still trying to advocate for sex on the first date is just ridiculous. “He doesn’t owe her anything!” Really? Not even respect and decency?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 08:19 AM
115

My reply: “All of my fastest “connections” were some of the most manipulative and abusive men I’ve ever encountered. Yes it’s possible to meet a great guy and really hit it off right away. But it’s also possible he’s just playing a role to get what he wants. To people saying she’s being “shamed” for having sex on the first date, that’s not it at all. The point of waiting is for her own good because having sex with a stranger is much more dangerous and emotionally damaging for women. I mean do wh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 08:15 AM
3

Oh my god! Wtf?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 07:47 AM
36

Yeah I was so taken aback by the quick shift in tone. It reminded me of guys that call women a fat bitch when they reject them. Like... it wasn’t anything that overt but it was enough that I will never respond. Dipshit. I feel bad for whoever get him as a roommate. They’re in for a shocker.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 07:46 AM
13

Oh my god I’m so sorry you went through this. I had a good friend get harassed by her male roommate and their female roommate didn’t believe her and she left the state because of it. I’ve had the opposite experience in my own life though. Every male roommate I’ve had has been great, two of them are still two of my best friends. It was the women that have been terrible. I’ve had some great women roommates too but my two horror stories (I mean real evil shit I don’t even care to get into) plus an …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 07:41 AM
3

Yep. Been there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 06:36 AM
3

Omg yes! One of my favorite movies. Tom Cruise played that part perfectly. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 06:32 AM
8

“Haven’t found it yet.” Yeah because this isn’t Pornoland. The fuck?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 06:32 AM
5

Oh so glad for that twist. I was like they are not making these women seem crazy. Lol. Good job writers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 06:29 AM
4

God he’s not even slick about it at all. “Tit pic”?! He’s trying to manipulative and he’s not even good at that... yikes man. Like... reading that makes me feel some kind of combination of emotions that I just do not care for at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 06:22 AM
3

That blows my mind, lying at all does, but especially about something so foundational as your degree. Like... how pathetic. Clearly wasn’t aiming to keep that up for any length of time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 06:17 AM
46

Ugh this was such a hot button issue in my circles I had a falling out with a gay male colleague over it because he started bullying me and letting his female friends bully me even worse for defending the woman that made the claim. His argument went something like “I’m an ally and a good feminist, you’re going too far and you’re crazy.” (In more subtle words but that was the idea.) There was a major generational gap I noticed too. I’m in my 30s and the women (and the aforementioned man) just ten…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 06:11 AM
21

That made me laugh and cringe at the same time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 06:01 AM
19

Its like... can’t beat them join them mentality. Oh men are perverse and fucked up you say? Oh oh me too! Don’t kink shame us! /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 06:00 AM
17

Drugs, alcohol, and medication can cause a dude to not be able to climax too. There’s a lot of that shit going on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/20 05:51 AM
2

Omg yes! I watched that recently. I thought you meant the whole thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/20 05:12 PM
13

It’s not that at all. They would have come my way but I didn’t want them to. My neighborhood is very residential with only a few hole in the wall places, no places I’d want to go on a date. There are some cool neighborhoods slightly closer, still might take me 30 minutes though by transit. Keep in mind I’m in a big city and an hour public transit, equates to like 15-20 minutes by car, usually less than 7-8 miles, so it’s not like I’m going super far, it just takes a bit from where I’m located. T…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/20 08:53 AM
69

I saw in her replies she kept saying to people that asked this that he likes to watch and she doesn’t want to “deny him that.” Honey, no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/20 07:45 AM
14

Whhhat!? What dumbass movie has a line this bad?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/20 07:42 AM
8

If that’s the case consider yourself very lucky! None of my parents have that sense. My brother does though... he was the only one that knew my most recent ex was bad news before I did. So I’d ask his opinion... But definitely wouldn’t want my potential husband to ask anyone’s “permission” to marry me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/20 07:28 AM
45

I tried to point this out to my abusive ex. I asked him if he cursed at his coworkers to illustrate my point. To my surprise the answer was yes. I was like... the fuck. Entitled prick was in such a high up position he got away with murder apparently. That or he lied. Either one is shitty. There was not a job I’ve had in the history of ever where I could get away with cursing at my coworkers. Like what in the White man shit is that?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/20 07:23 AM
12

I can’t get behind any kind of abusive behavior, even consensual. I consented to some stuff in my darker days that really just shouldn’t have ever been on the table. It creeps me out to even think on it and none of it was even that bad by “kink” standards. Probably would still be called vanilla by some. I was so desperate to be accepted and perceived as “sexual” that I did some dumb shit counter to my own truth... but I didn’t know it until years and years later. We’re all so fucked it when it c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/20 07:19 AM
23

Ugh. I don’t have the energy. I live on the outskirts of a big city so it takes me at least an hour to get to any of the cooler areas on public transit... so an hour to get ready, hour to commute, have the date, hour to go home, all to meet a dude who will most likely suck... it’s such a waste of time. I got extremely picky with who I agreed to meet with and they were still all a no go so far. Like 6-7 first dates and no second dates when I first moved here before I just said enough of this. I h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/20 07:09 AM
12

Exactly my thoughts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/20 06:06 AM
24

Where are all these men coming from? I haven’t had a date in months and the ones I did have were from OLD and never lead to a second one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/20 06:05 AM
13

I definitely agree with the first part in some cases. I was tricked major with my last relationship in that way. Some people can act HV just long enough to hook you. It was awful. However, there have definitely been some posts I’ve peeped since being here where a woman is going gaga over a guy because he has a good job or money and they know little else. One even went on and on in a jealous rant about how mad she was that this supposed hvm’s wife was unkempt and called her lvm without even knowi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/20 05:49 AM
10

I recommend it all the time every chance I get. I had read A LOT about abuse before that but not much of it got right down to it the way Bancroft did. It hurt to read but in a way I truly needed. I read it at a friends after running away from my abusive ex and it helped me not go back. Thank god. I made a lot of excuses for him because he was subtle and smart about his abuse and claimed to be on the autism spectrum, but I eventually realized though that might have been true (or just a convenient…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/20 05:28 AM
49

I just read through the comments on that thread and I am so appalled at some of the responses. Like WHY?! So many men and women were saying they like it and it’s a “kink.” Gross. No fucking way. Someone even called her a “vanilla ass bitch.” Yeah. They’re healthy in bed I’m sure. /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/20 05:21 AM
67

No it is NOT common. What is common is letting men get away with fucking everything. Women are constantly told to just be cool about shit and let it slide. It’s not ok.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/20 05:08 AM
34

I legit laughed out loud. It’s not actually funny but something about how absolutely absurd it is that this is a real human being saying these words is just beyond me...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/20 05:04 AM
136

Oh they can control it they just don’t care to. The whole “out of control” thing is just another lie we’ve been fed to excuse their bull shit. You better believe if a cop showed up they’d figure it out how to control themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/20 04:58 AM
9

Nah it was reattached. Frankenpenis was his breakout film. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/20 04:54 AM
2

I think your dislike of dogs is clouding your perspective here. If your husband asked you to quit your job would that be ok? Or give up on your dreams? Or abandon your children? Rescuing dogs is part of her identity and her passion. If he doesn’t like it he’s with the wrong person. She shouldn’t have to change that for him. I will choose my dog over a man any fucking day because no man worth my time would ever ask me to make such a choice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/20 04:54 AM
22

Oh of course I totally get that. The irony is I feel hotter and more confident than I ever did in my twenties, and people consistently guess me ten years younger than I am anyway, so “the wall” is definitely not my concern. It’s the dating pool which is a completely separate issue. I could certainly pick up younger men if I wanted, but I want someone at least close to ready to wanting to start a family so that limits my options for sure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/20 12:37 AM
2

Ugh. Fucking sick. God it’s all so painful. So much of “mental illness” is really just trying to piece together a normal life in the midst of continually traumatizing circumstances.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/20 12:33 AM
13

Can you give a brief rundown for those that don’t want to invest the time to watch it?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 10:25 PM
14

He’s a porn star now too. Sick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 10:24 PM
49

I have to agree with you. I see women scolded on here for saying this because it’s “scarcity mindset” but there’s a difference between facing the reality of what’s out there vs. feeling doomed about it and therefor lowering your standards. We only need one HVM if we want a relationship so at the end of the day, the millions don’t matter, but it certainly does get harder. For sure. The HVM I’m encountering in my age bracket are married, and the younger ones are in serious relationships on the pat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 10:21 PM
2

Oh jeez I didn’t even know about that. I just meant his whole framework is bunk. Even more of a reason to dislike him now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 10:15 PM
4

Definitely made for a funny bit but using Freud in any real way... oof. No thanks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 08:31 PM
13

I haven't even found one in years. I don't know what the hell is going on. I must not be in the right circles but I don't know how to fix that. I'm social and have a lot of hobbies and interests that get me in large group settings, so it's not like I'm just waiting around at home.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 08:18 PM
7

Ugh. That's tough. I have the benefit of moving a lot so I don't face this often. The times I have had to deal with this kind of thing... I'd get panic attacks bc they were abusers and I'd get triggered. The thing that's helped me most is making them smaller and smaller in my mind. They don't fucking matter AT ALL. And honestly, anger was the most helpful. People tell you to not be angry, but you can't bypass that step. EVENTUALLY you have to let it go, but it can be extremely useful at first to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 08:16 PM
3

It's not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 08:10 PM
20

"You look"..... BLOCK I do not fuck around with anyone who comments on my looks immediately. Any "I want to get to know you" after that is code for "how fast can we fuck?" Also. I know this has already been beaten to death but I still gotta get my swings in lol: KNOW. KNOOOWWW. That's such a weird idiosyncratic thing for him to do... like you are not saving time by skipping that w, man... you fully typed out "if you will" and not "you'll" but you can't finish the word know? So freaking weird.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 08:10 PM
54

I was going to say... I watch way too much Law and Order SVU and this is a reoccurring plot point on many episodes for a reason. This shit happens. Women get victimized and then again and again and again as they lose support, are accused of lying, lose jobs, lose boyfriends and husbands. It's all so fucked.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 07:57 PM
4

The flip phone, house phone, work phone scenario drove me kinda nuts. Like... it came out in 2009... I already didn't use a house phone by like... 2006, and I was a late adopter when it came to cell phones. Why would you be waiting around your house phone if you gave a dude your cell number? I get it. Waiting by a land line is more dramatic and visually interesting... ok... so then maybe set the movie in the 90s. lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 07:15 PM
8

I was thinking about that when I wrote this too. I almost said the same thing. It is hard to win isn’t it? I had a friend accuse me of gaslighting when I called a mutual friend out (who I later realized was a narcissist) for saying he had feelings for me but mistreating me. I told him his feelings and actions didn’t line up, but she understood the situation to be that I told him he didn’t have feelings for me. She said: “You can’t tell him he doesn’t feel what he feels. You’re gaslighting him.” …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 04:31 PM
58

Yep. Even had a gay man do this to me. Him and his flying monkey women bullied me into oblivion because he gets to make the line of what’s feminism and what’s women being crazy. Like... men are the ones deciding when #MeToo has gone “too far.” And the pickmes join in and agree. And the whole damn thing loses steam. Makes me so sick. #metoo isn’t anywhere near “too far” because it got essentially shut down long before we even made any major legal headway. And honestly not enough social headway ei…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 08:12 AM
20

It’s so crazy to me how far the term gaslighting has made it into public consciousness. I read an article about it I dunno... maybe ten years ago and it’s like it made everything make sense for me and I was sharing that thing at least once or twice a year trying to spread the word. So glad we’re all learning together.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 08:05 AM
8

My dad does this to me every breakup I have. It’s exhausting. I broke a guys heart in a pretty shitty way when I was 18 (I’m in my 30s now) and between that and probably some leftover bitterness my mom leaving him, he’s got some mission to defend men and has it stuck in his head that I’m some kind of heart breaker. He constantly tries to see the dudes side, part of it is really what he thinks, and part of it is bs and him pushing my buttons just because. It used to be so bad I’d run and cry in a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 06:02 AM
12

Did you miss the part where he was a workaholic? His priorities were clearly elsewhere so why shouldn’t she do fulfilling work?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 05:16 AM
63

There’s a woman in my friends group like this and I didn’t notice it as much before but now it’s like nails on a chalkboard in my brain every time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 05:11 AM
70

Major. Eye. Roll. “I am a man so my opinion is very important and logical. Your feeble lady brain just can’t comprehend.” So sick of this shit. Even friends of mine who are over all good dudes all have a least a bit of this superiority complex and I’ve started calling them on it HARD.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 05:10 AM
28

Ok I have finished my rewatch and I know it’s totally anti FDS but I liked the Aniston/Affleck coupling in some ways. He was a good guy with a serious hang up that figured it the fuck out eventually but only because Anniston was far too willing to sacrifice her dreams, which sucked to watch... but what else is new with romcoms. Scar-Jo and Cooper’s characters were by far the lowest of the low in the film by a mile. Cannot. Even. Don’t mess with married people. Full stop. And I wanted to like Dre…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 05:07 AM
8

Ok just the thumbnail is bad enough. Any time I see a man that’s super grabby it gives me shivers. So creepy. Like dudes that grab the back of a woman’s neck at a concert or something, or her wrist or like the thumbnail a full on headlock acting like it’s affectionate but it’s actually dominating behavior. Sick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 02:28 AM
28

Also... can we just like... look at the platform. Presumably he’s not posting that anonymously or privately. 🤦🏻‍♀️ hope she dumped him after this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 10:33 PM
8

I’m sure YouTube can help! Maybe search pinup styles?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 10:32 PM
14

I went once years ago and it was super depressing and gross. I did not and still don’t understand the appeal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 10:30 PM
1

Didn’t get to read the post before it was removed but based on your title I’ll say this, it took me way too long to learn this very simple rule: CONFUSION IS A RED FLAG. Simple as that. If a man is leaving you confused, there’s a reason and it’s never going to be good or worth wasting time figuring out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 10:27 PM
41

10/10 would probably still pull this shit on another woman. People that make a hobby out of dogging on others need a time out from humanity to think about their damn life choices for a while.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 10:24 PM
63

Agreed. It’s no joke. Good men don’t joke like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 10:16 PM
61

Her dang finger was programmed in it’s not like she hired a hacker. People are ridiculous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 10:15 PM
42

You are absolutely right. If he’s saying shit that bad, you know there’s more. That text discovery probably finally set off alarm bells for her because of the impact of the n word but you know this isn’t an isolated incident, it never is. She’s probably been ignoring and excusing all kinds of shit. Behavioral analysts will tell you, most people don’t have a fucking clue about people’s true intentions or how to detect lies. I’d say the same about detecting abusers. We are all so used to taking ab…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 10:14 PM
25

Dear god. People need to really understand what a joke is and is not. Thankfully all of us here are sane and know this isn’t joking, it’s racist and sexist and abusive. Any responsible mother would get their child tf out of that man’s presence immediately. He does not see the girl as precious or lovable or even human if he’s talking about her like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 10:09 PM
6

If she really did smell bad and he wasn’t an abusive prick, he’d come to her openly and honestly about it with her best interests in mind. No comparisons. No talking to friends. And actually listen when she talks. This dude is nothing more than a gaslighting abuser who thinks he knows more about vaginas than an actual woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 04:24 PM
2

Oh I know. :/ just angry ranting to the ether.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/20 04:15 AM
191

Dear god. This is so fucking gross. Just get a fleshlight and save us all the trouble you creeps.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/20 05:32 PM
27

I think we have a particular brand of lazy and unmotivated men here that isn’t as common in other countries, but when it comes to men being abusive and misogynistic we certainly aren’t the worst. It’s really a crapshoot whenever you go.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/20 05:30 PM
5

I haven’t read enough to say but check ophelias songs from Hamlet. That’s what where I saw it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/20 04:02 PM
28

I completely understand. I’ve dated a few narcissists, and probably even some sociopaths. It’s a huge mind fuck. I think everyone I like or that likes me now is that. And honestly there’s a high likelihood that that’s true. Taking it slow and protecting yourself is the way to go. The right man will wait and understand that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/20 06:38 PM
16

Exactly right. Shakespeare even wrote about that fucked up paradox and he probably wasn’t the first. It’s nothing new! Women have to be mythical creatures that are both Madonna and who’re at the same time. Which means... we’re always awful no matter what we do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/20 10:24 AM
9

Definitely not just you. Major red flags and ickiness here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/20 10:04 AM
26

I know this is really late but I fell for a close friend and what helped me in the end is to remind myself that just because I had those feelings doesn’t mean we need to be together. Life is long and we all have strong connections here and there throughout it but that doesn’t mean they are the right person for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/20 12:12 AM
13

Ah you sound just like me. I’m developing a crush as we speak and I recalled seeing this posts a while back but didn’t read it. Feeling the crush I was like let me go check that post out because i need to check myself right now. Reading the OP and comments is helping! A friend helped me too. I was telling her about the guy and she was like “well... does he love Jesus?” Gee... I don’t know actually. Don’t know much at all really. lol. That’s important for me and I’ve ignored it in the past to ver…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/20 12:09 AM
2

This is what I’m struggling with now. My damn brain future fakes me and I have to make myself stop. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 11:59 PM
27

I couldn’t make it past the title. Looking for context clues in the replies now. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 11:55 PM
123

Their responses are hilarious. Misogyny so thick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 11:50 PM
3

Oh my god. Fucking monsters.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 10:51 PM
36

So... I know we don’t do that here but hot damn I hope someone somewhere doxxes this dipshit. He should not be allowed to manage anyone ever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 06:41 PM
10

Not if they’re you’re higher up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 06:40 PM
23

Omg I was literally thinking the same exact thing! 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 06:39 PM
2

What in the ever living shit does this woman even think she’s trying to say?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 06:37 PM
23

Definite preference for uncircumcised, and I do believe the practice of circumcision should end. However it’s no where even close to fgm and men that say it need a swift reality check. I knew an ultimate LVM (he was handsome so he got laid, but he was very aligned with incel mindset from the little interaction we had) and talking about circumcision was like... his thing. Like he’d post about it all over fb and find any reason to talk about it. The first time I met him he brought it up. It left s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 05:42 PM
1

I mean... common, everyday usage of the term narcissistic, sure maybe. He sounds very focused on himself and how he’s perceived. Narcissistic personality disorder... we’d need way more info than that. I used to post on similar things when I was in my late teens because I was super insecure. I was also depressed which makes you very inward focused, but I wasn’t a narcissist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 04:28 PM
12

I didn’t know you could see a match rate and have since deleted my tinder. Interesting. I assumed men set a top age at 29, but doesn’t that mean they wouldn’t pop up for you in the first place?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 12:06 AM
120

This is spot on. Some people think abusers only go for easy targets (for lack of a better term though I hate to even put it like that), and some do, but others, especially narcissists, go after what they see as a challenge and a trophy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 12:04 AM
7

Awww, I didn’t see the “nah, sis” tag when I watched it so I really was expecting a twist ending like her blocking him and going to sleep looking all pretty. Oh well. Lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/02/20 12:02 AM
7

I can’t think of anything super subtle cus they just aren’t that slick but some guys I knew in college said I reminded them a lot of this other girl they knew and that she would be cute if she just “took care of herself.” I’m in my thirties now and still remember that, if that tells you anything. I was super insecure at the time and that really stung. Irony was I always underplayed my beauty because I didn’t want negative male attention. I wish past me knew; You get that no matter what you do, s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 11:54 PM
10

It’s posts like this where I learn. At first I was like I don’t get it what’s wrong? Then I read the comments and I was like oh damn... lol. There is is. And there it is. And that too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 11:49 PM
20

Read “Why does he do that?” By Lundy Bancroft. That helped me get my head on straight more than any other book, and I’ve read a lot of them. The best manipulators have periods of being just what you want. It’s called intermittent reinforcement. People get hooked on gambling for the same reason. There’s a sort of high that comes from the hope/anticipation that things will go your way. It won’t. If a man disrespects you, gaslights you, etc. it DONE. They will never treat you well, and short of a m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 11:44 PM
49

Years ago I was livid about He’s Just Not That Into You. Little pickme version of myself had only ever dated men like what were described in the book, so I didn’t want to believe it. I thought they were just dumb rules (like men paying for dates) that were outdated. Oof.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 11:41 PM
1

Context is everything here. I have guy friends from big, happy families that can’t wait to be a dad and want “lots of kids” because they loved growing up in a big family and want the same. They’re good dudes and going to be devoted dads. One kid or lots of kids, if a dude just wants to pass his seed on for the sake of doing that, it’s creepy as fuck. I knew a guy who was only 26 lamenting that he was still single and asked if he should donate sperm to make sure he has a kid. I just about died. L…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 09:44 PM
3

My favorite comment on there: “Maybe she should sit and look out the window like a dog in an ASPCA commercial.” Freakin brilliant. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 09:38 PM
2

I saw a comment in the original post saying that and I was like hmmm... possible. Show him he’s an asshole. Either way she should probably just dump the dead weight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 09:37 PM
9

Thank god. Sometimes that sub comes through.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 09:33 PM
4

I don’t know that there’s a correlation there. The two men that treated me the worst were the two smartest I dated. Granted I have a terrible track record and I’m sure there are plenty of intelligent HVM, but I also think there are less book smart guys out there that can be just as HV. As another commenter said, there’s gotta be a lack of ego along with the intelligence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 09:31 PM
4

I could not finish watching that his little animated face was so insufferable. Please tell me she didn’t take him back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 09:21 PM
30

I feel like there are a lot of us raised by narcs on here. It’s such an epidemic and messes you up for life if you don’t do the really hard work of fixing it. I’m so thankful for this community. I’ve been a lot of groups over the years for related issues (abuse survivor forums and the like) and they always turned toxic real fast and women would get bullied and feel even worse. Looking back I realize it’s because even if they didn’t allow men, the groups would get overrun with pickmes defending m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 09:16 PM
14

Yeah that one makes no damn sense. He’s not a character in Oliver Twist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 07:10 PM
35

Exactly. Touch is one of my top ones and when I had a boyfriend that was constantly pressuring me for sex I stopped wanting to even go near him. The book is meant to help healthy people understand how their partner expresses their love. Every good book has shitty people using it wrong, it’s just what shitty people do. My mom would use The Four Agreements as a weapon every time she was raging at me or gaslighting me. “READ THE FOUR AGREEMENTS!!!” Yeah ok, how bout you reread it and understand you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 04:41 PM
26

“I’m not scared for my safety, I’m cool!”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 02:59 PM
15

There’s such a fine line between genuine mourning and wallowing. We all have to mourn things naturally or shit gets stuck inside and comes out later in weird ways. If you have ptsd it’s even more important. Things have to process through. But when it comes to obsessive wallowing... for sure we have to cut that shit out. And it’s really hard to tell when you’ve crossed over but my marker is usually if it feels like a a productive cry or not. Meaning, if it’s genuine mourning I’ll feel a little be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 07:32 PM
23

So... according to her... she saved him from the possible embarrassment of... not being able to take something out of his pocket. Dear Lord somebody help her find her brains. God forbid they have kids. Imagine the shock and horror of him getting spit up or worse on his shirt! She must do it all, I say!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 05:37 AM
18

Please tell me the commenters had some fucking sense with this one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 05:34 AM
48

I was just about to say... is this my fucking abusive ex?! The look of disgust is the fucking end. Like no. It’s one thing to have a preference, but contempt and disgust shown towards your partner for very normal every day things is a sure sign you’ve got an abuser on your hands.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 05:34 AM
43

Yep. If you’re to the point of feeling the need to send a paragraph they’ve already spelled out the fact that they don’t give a shit loud and clear. I’m a reformed paragrapher and damn do I wish I’d saved my precious time and energy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 05:25 AM
23

Any normal human being with even a drop of empathy would have given a damn about the fact that your friend was murdered. How do these sociopaths get through life with any friends or jobs. I blows my mind on the daily.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 05:23 AM
32

She asked and he said no. And it’s clearly not a safe area if her friend got murdered there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 05:22 AM
56

I saw a thread recently with doctors and nurses sharing similar stories. Like what the flying fuck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 12:58 AM
12

Years ago i dated a man like this and an older woman advised me with a variation of that famous Angelou line, when a man shows you who he is, believe him. My dumb ass thought I knew better what was really inside. Nah, sis. Don’t be a dope. Dudes say this kind of shit to shirk all responsibility so any compliant you have they can respond with “I told you that!” This is wholly different from being insecure, which is something I’d argue most any human deals with. It’s manipulation disguised as inse…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 10:37 PM
13

Yes yes yes. Come join us in the sane world.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 10:29 PM
28

I know! And they’re all like “sHe REFUSED tO woRk!!!” Like. The fuck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 10:28 PM
12

I’m so sorry you’re in that situation. I hope you get out safely. I always point women in situations like this to WWOOF.org. It’s a live/work exchange kind of thing. There are plenty of farms that take children too and allow you to work for free room and board temporarily, some even years depending on the situation. I know it’s not feasible for every one but the option is there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 10:28 PM
15

I can not believe my fucking eyes with that thread I am so livid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 10:25 PM
123

Eww. If a man has a strict type that he’s sitting around waiting for, I can’t see how he’d ever be HV in the first place. We’re people not dolls. Where’s that “I’m no build-a-bear bitch” meme...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 10:10 PM
40

Wow... I hadn’t even thought of that except times where those things were also sexualized. Damn. Language is so important and ours is so damn sexual and even moreso violent but we’re so used to it we don’t even notice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 10:08 PM
33

Exactly!! They act like it’s some naggy woman thing when it’s a straight up safety hazard. My ex left the seat up when we were staying with his parents and his stepdad fell in the dang toilet in the middle of the night and was FURIOUS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 10:04 PM
2

This is true too. I’m still working on that part as I tend to obsess on the negatives but I’m getting much better. No one likes to say this for fear of victim blaming but depression often times is a very selfish state to be in. The more depressed I am the more I feel sorry for myself, think and talk about myself, and let the people around me down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 10:00 PM
4

This is exactly where my issues stemmed from as well. As a child, I wasn’t allowed to do much but read and watch tv so my escape was my imagination and it almost always centered around boys. I still have hope that I can find a good mate, but no longer do I put him in role of rescuer. If I find him he will be my equal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 09:57 PM
12

I’m glad. ❤️ we’re all far more capable than we know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 05:21 PM
5

Tag her! Whatever sub she’s posted that in I can’t imagine it’s doing anything good for her. Fucker knew exactly what the fuck he was doing and then he got an additional kick out of telling her about it the next day as if it was all her idea. No no no fucking rapists getting away with shit over and over. I’m fucking fuming right now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 05:09 PM
9

I really wonder about people that remain friends with known abusers AT ALL, even barring being friends with their victim. Like... why?! What the fuck is this person going to bring to your life that you couldn’t get from a non-abuser?! Not a damn thing. After I left my ex I reached out to his ex... turns out she had it even worse than me and dudes entire friends group knew it. Friends that were still friends with him, and had us over for parties. I felt so betrayed by the fact that no one warned …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 05:04 PM
90

Right?! Ugh I get more and more disgusted when I think about how duped they (formerly we) all are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 04:55 PM
2

Oh yes. I’ve been free if him for a years now... maybe about 6 or so, but I sure dated some turds after him too. I wish I had FDS BEFORE I started dating. But I wouldn’t have believed it anyway lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 04:53 PM
3

I had an on and off boyfriend for nearly a decade who never stopped touching me when I didn’t want to be touched. We would spend hours arguing about it and related issues because I was trying to get him to “understand. ” 🤡 <—- me I know OP you already got the message and blocked him but for anyone else in a similar situation reading, don’t be me. He does not give a shit about your boundaries and he never will.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 04:40 PM
14

Gee I wonder if maybe... and perhaps this is crazy... but maayyybeee that woman could sense he was a scumbag? /s Like... if an 80 year old woman said that, I mean still not great, still an outdated way of interacting with a woman, but she probably wouldn’t have complained. But a pornsick shitbag? He could probably say “good morning” and creep her out. And now he’s getting to other office men against her to shield his bruised ego, so he’s tripling down on the asshole, and most likely she’s going …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 08:51 AM
7

Right?! And even without abuse, sometimes people that are just wrong for each other try to force things and it’s a big mess. Trying to change their partner for the rest of eternity together instead of just taking or leaving them as they are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/20 08:40 AM
11

Been. There. I once stayed up all night worried my date had crashed his motorcycle and not knowing what to do. Dude fucking fell asleep right after I sent him my address. Even that past major pickme version of myself was like oh hell no dude. You’re done. This was years ago. Definitely not inviting dates to my house any more. Ugh. Dummy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 04:12 PM
5

Oh God you gave me flashbacks to guys saying that to me in high school. My boobs hadn’t fully grown yet so it was pretty flat back then and they said to me as a sort of weird “compliment.” I literally haven’t thought about this in ages. Ugh. So gross to even think about dudes talking about my boobs that young. Like. No.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 06:06 AM
5

A grown ass man called me four-eyes once when I was standing up to him for bullying another woman. I couldn’t believe my ears! Then his pickme gf was petting his arm and supporting him and insulted me too! It was wild ladies, lemmie tell ya.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 05:58 AM
6

Oh yeah. I got made fun of big time for my arm hair too. Ive shaved for more than 15 years now but I prefer it and my arm hair is really thin so it doesn’t bother me. I tried growing it back out at one point just to reassess how I felt but not being used to it, every little bit of wind felt like bugs on me so I said forget it. It was so strange.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 05:56 AM
10

I had a bf years ago pinch my fleshy upper arm area and tell me “this is fat” and that I was going to get fat if I didn’t start working out. This behavior is 100% never ok for anyone of any size but for added context, I was fucking underweight. Like... literally my scrawny ass arm is too fat? How?! He also told me I had a “mom butt.” Real charmer. God I wish I would have packed up and left right there, but it wasn’t long after that I did so at least there’s that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 05:50 AM
14

Yikes on that dude. What a pathetic response. Glad you dodged that bullet. I had a dude do the same thing with going low effort after agreeing to a date, and never even got to setting the date. Deleted my account anyway so no response from him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 05:45 AM
33

Of course he did. Ugh. Loser.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 05:33 AM
24

I was gonna say... xoxo without the o? “You’re naughty. Kiss. Aren’t you? Kiss. I’m a fuckhead.kiss kiss kiss.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 05:29 AM
88

Wait... the dude posted this yeah? Or at least he screen grabbed it and someone else posted it? Which means... HE probably thought SHE was the problem here. 😂 oh boy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 05:27 AM
13

With enough beer, drugs, and KFC you just never know... 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 04:58 AM
4

Omg you nailed it! 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 04:57 AM
12

I know! I kept upvoting and then halfway through reading downvoting. Not that it matters much there are thousands at this point. Like how is this not instant RUN!?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 04:53 AM
65

And that’s a lie too. Supermodels got treated like shit by shit men just like anyone else! Men want to keep acting like the woman dictates their behavior. It’s continual blame shifting. If a man thinks a woman deserves disrespect, HE SHOULDNT BE WITH HER. Like wtf does that say about you, dudes?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 03:26 AM
35

Sleep is so fucking important. My abusive ex wouldn’t let me sleep in and we don’t even fucking have kids. He just took it upon himself to decide sleeping is lazy and left all the alarms on even on weekends. Even when I asked him to turn them off or at least turn the light off after he’s done getting dressed. Nope. In his mind I didn’t deserve it. Messing with someone’s sleep or not allowing them to sleep is a MAJOR red flag. In my case it was power and control, in her case it’s a lack of empath…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/20 12:33 AM
2

I get that it’s frustrating, and I don’t doubt that some people are sure from a young age and stay sure. The fact of the matter is, however, I get why doctors are hesitant to perform such a permanent procedure on young women, especially when there are effective and less permanent options (barring those that need it for medical reasons, which is a whole different can of worms.) When it comes to rarity or not, there probably aren’t any accurate statistics on the matter and similar people become fr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 10:31 PM
3

Your update makes it sound like there is a definite chance for him to finally see some consequences for his actions. I hope the women he filmed team up to get justice. Men like this can’t keep getting away with shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 10:22 PM
6

I have to agree with you. I’ve seen a lot of push back lately on this very thing. “I don’t want kids! Older women need to a top telling me I’ll change my mind!!” It’s one thing in a normal conversation to back off that and let women feel how they feel, but when it comes to discussing permanent, elective surgeries, there SHOULD be some pushback. I didn’t want kids when I was younger and now I do. I’d fucking HATE past me if she’d gone and gotten a surgery to prevent present me from ever having a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 05:27 PM
23

You’d think there aren’t people like that but I’ve seen some crazy ass comments after news stories come out about children being arrested or mistreated by police. Like... there are literally people who do think it’s ok to do basically anything to anyone of any size or age as long as they, in their fucked up logic, think they “deserve” it. It’s super super sick. Edit: and by people, I mean men. Usually men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 05:08 PM
14

It’s a really dicey situation to navigate. You have to factor in the libel laws wherever you live, first and foremost. If you had some sort of proof like text messages or something that would make it a little easier. But if you just posted his picture with a bunch of accusations, unfortunately I see it backfiring on you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 02:04 PM
6

He said himself he is. What a loser. Like... who is benefiting from incel forums? They literally convince dudes things will just suck forever and ever and no woman will ever want them. I can’t wrap my brain around wtf they want to hang out their feeling sorry for themselves?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 01:38 PM
10

That was me. I just jumped from one man to another trying to feel happier and less lonely. I regret so much of it but I honestly didn’t know any better. The biggest thing with narcissists when they aren’t even around is we can obsess over them. Your friend is tired of you venting? Stop venting. Seriously. I spent years of my life obsessively talking about my mom and it never helped me feel any better. None of the venting or arguing with her or trying to make her see the light ever did me any goo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 01:32 PM
6

And the brother probably.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 01:21 PM
7

I’ve been meaning to make a similar post. It’s literally rewiring my brain!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 01:16 PM
7

Same!! Reading about narcissism still has you focused on the narcissist. Reading in here is like a picture of life completely ignoring them and batting them out of the way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 01:14 PM
19

I think it’s just the light reflecting in that photo because the other images it’s not grey... but also yes. I’ve had a few friends that just genetically have early graying in their families.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 01:09 PM
97

Calling this sub toxic because we talk about the reality of life as a woman is the same as white people screaming “racist!” when any poc talks about their experience with racism. Weak whiny privileged babies don’t want to EVER think that maybe they’re the villain in someone else’s story.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 01:03 PM
19

Why are you doing mental backflips to say it’s ok for a guy to want to do this?! Also... your definition of coerce is not correct. Someone doesn’t have to be a violent rapist to coerce someone, nor does coercion necessarily mean threatening. If someone were threatened, we just use the word threatened.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 08:23 PM
19

Satire?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 06:45 AM
24

Right?! It’s so depraved if someone made it a movie script people would say it’s not believable enough.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 05:12 AM
72

My response was this. I hope she sees it: “NTA. Ignore anyone saying otherwise. You didn’t owe that man shit. If he gave a crap about you or the child he wouldn’t have done what he did. I’m sorry for your loss and I’m sorry if any of these responses retraumatized you. These are not the people to be asking about intimate issues like this.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 05:09 AM
7

I didn’t even know this was a thing it is so far outside of my own personality/ experience. 😂 I had to train myself to not look sad/mad all of the time (read: RBF). But I didn’t go smiley with it I just learned to kinda have a resting Buddha face. At least in my mind. I could be completely wrong lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 05:03 AM
17

Ooo didn’t see that one. Love that concept!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 04:59 AM
72

Creep shame! Always. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/20 04:57 AM
2

100% on point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 08:41 PM
3

Let’s clear up some things. Can a non-abusive LVM become a HVM? Maybe. I’ve seen men, friends of mine, who had a good hearts but were generally lazy and passively accepted gender bs from their upbringing get their shit together and turn things around as they grew, learned, and matured. One is currently one of the most hvm I’ve ever met. Married, solid career, child, never said a negative word about his wife, never would. It’s astounding. But, again, he ALWAYS had a good heart and a solid head on…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 08:37 PM
1

Wait what’d I miss? I tried to google it but didn’t find anything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 07:07 PM
4

This behavior is just so bizarre I don’t even fully comprehend what even happened. Like... did he just wanna feel some type of power to make you feel bad? Fucking children. I’m sorry to her dealing with that and I hope your boss follows through.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 07:05 PM
3

It’s seen as victim blaming. I have very mixed feelings on all of this. The line between victim blaming and victim responsibility is so tenuous. She 100% needs to take responsibility for herself and the animals in her care and get out of the situation. But psychopath she probably is not. Abuse victims often get stuck because they feel isolated and their abusers make them feel like they’re the only one in the world that cares. If outsiders brigade and start calling her names it’ll only push her f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 07:00 PM
6

Most of my issues with porn and wanting sex whatever the costs cleared up when I fully recognized it wasn’t sex I wanted, it was connection. I was incredibly lonely and trying to fill that void. But sex of that nature will never be connected. It’s like eating sand when you’re hungry, it will just do more harm than good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 06:46 PM
6

You’re conflating two separate issues. Porn and masturbation don’t have to be a package deal. Perfectly fine if you never want to masturbate but you’re being really judgmental about something that is natural and good for our health.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 06:44 PM
35

Amazing. Lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 06:33 PM
11

Dead. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 06:31 PM
11

I had a dude say to me “how good of a date would I have to be for you to come my way” I didn’t have FDS yet so I entertained that clown a little longer but surprise surprise we never met.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 06:31 PM
27

Oh that’s actually a physiological difference between men and women. There’s a reason for that but it’s a whole other topic 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 06:23 PM
29

That or women in abusive relationships projecting their hopes that it’ll eventually work out onto you. They want to believe that if they just explain things better their dude will stop treating them like shit. I know because I’ve been there. I look back and I’m like... fuck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 06:19 PM
6

Deleted. Double post.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 05:55 PM
113

Gabrielle union’s first husband supposedly was munching on some kfc with one hand while he waited for her to come home with the ring in the other hand. 🤦‍♀️ cheating mofo couldn’t even plan his meal time and proposal accordingly how’s he going to make a good husband?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 05:55 PM
3

Eww gross. I never saw that. What bullshit. I’m so glad I’m past my 20s.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 05:47 PM
2

Stop calling me out!!! 😂 omg spot on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 05:46 PM
8

There was this online ebook I found years ago about the myth of romantic love. Boy did people get mad when I shared it. “What?!? I love my husband!!” That woman and others didn’t read on to the next section about authentic love. What they had with their husband was that (I assume, if the marriage was as strong as it appeared). But we so rarely see authentic love, meaning deep, devoted, long lasting love. We see romantic love, which is all the butterflies and excitement that fades pretty quickly.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 05:44 PM
4

Oh I’m totally aware of that. On the flip side I’ve heard the theory that more men that wouldn’t normally use OLD get on there for shits and giggles so you may sometimes meet someone worthwhile that you wouldn’t have in the more “serious” apps. But so far this theory isn’t panning out. Multiple matches, only 2 even started a conversation (the rest are just sitting there) and no dates. I’ll probably delete it soon for the 50th time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 05:40 PM
4

No BPD is the abbreviation for borderline.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 04:31 PM
3

I was just thinking the same thing. Those women are too smart for those shenanigans. On the flip side, we had a dude come in our feminist class ready loaded with his MRA-eque talking points thinking he was so damn smart. “Women’s beauty standards?! Well... well... I have to shave my back!” Our professor absolutely BURIED him. He didn’t come back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 10:37 AM
24

This is my biggest nightmare, getting tricked again. Men let their masks slip when they think they’ve truly got you. Most often: moving in, engagement, marriage, pregnant, after first kid. My (probably) sociopathic ex let his mask slip when I moved in. And really... thank god. Imagine if he kept it up until marriage or a child. I shudder to think. I had nightmares I was pregnant after I left. Ugh. I heard a podcast where a woman was dating who she thought was mister perfect... she was super care…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 10:33 AM
39

Yes!! I have a super libfem sex positive younger friend that posts about sex workers and the whole nine... she’s a virgin, and has never really dated. She is the sweetest person and I love her dearly but she’s (blissfully) clueless about how bad men are, and I think that’s in large part due to her just naturally having very high standards and taking no shit. It’s like she was born with FDS standards implanted in her brain already. When you aren’t clued in to the reality of the world, sure we all…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 10:20 AM
8

I was gunna say... white dudes are most often the demographic that are serial killers and mass murderers (in the US at least.) Pinnacle of “I’m entitled to hurt others for not getting what I want.” We’re just screwed no matter which way you slice it. We’re all out there looking for a gem in a literal ocean of murdering, misogynistic poo poo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 10:09 AM
29

I didn’t read it as her meaning he was putting on an act, but instead was addressing how women sometimes use the idea that a guy is shy as an excuse to make the first move... when that’s a dumb idea. There was a post on here recently about something like this and the woman came in all defensive about FDSers telling her not to ask him out and she was like “he’s shy!” In that case, she was shy too and was going to go through great stress to ask him out and didn’t realize the irony of all that...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 09:23 AM
12

Y’all. Any time this happens make a big fucking stink. Write letters. Make phone calls. Edit: I originally misread the image and thought the writer was saying this, not the cops. BUT I have seen incredibly victim blaming headlines similar to what the cops wondered so the rest of my rant still stands: Seriously. Headlines like this keep coming up over and over and they need to fucking stop. These words have power. And they keep telling the world “women make men kill them!” It’s so sick. I’ve begu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 09:13 AM
7

Omg yeess! There is the pinnacle of a LVM I have to deal with sometimes and as I was reading the list my brain immediately flashed to him saying about his ex “she’s bipolar.” I want to fucking give him the verbal beat down of the century every fucking time he —completely unasked for and off topic— mentions some crazy ex or another. Maybe one day... when I know I won’t have to deal with him again. Sigh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 09:10 AM
15

People with BPD can be very manipulative. She said in a comment above he’s been diagnosed. I understand that it’s a huge issue, women with trauma being falsely diagnosed with BPD, and all that. (Heck at one point even my therapist, who was normally great, thought it was a possible diagnosis for me. Nope.) But I’ve dealt with people that legitimately had it and they are some of the worst people I’ve ever dealt with. Right up there with narcissists.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 09:02 AM
14

Oh good idea. My Tinder matches don’t ever fucking start or maintain conversations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 08:48 AM
3

The sociopathic ex manager was one of the people that was abusive to the other employees.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 08:45 AM
12

Too bad she doesn’t use that money to properly pay her support staff or do anything good in the world. :/ She has been sued several times for being an all around shitty employer from offering low pay, to ignoring mistreatment and abuse of her (female) staff members by other staff members (male and female). Carey isn’t someone to aspire to. Lift while you climb ladies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 11:22 PM
8

One review mentioned it was a promise ring from her boyfriend. Oh honey, no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 05:05 PM
13

Eww no. Who said that?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 03:56 PM
3

I’ve gone much more basic: sent turd photos. 😂 You send me something I don’t want to see, I send you something you don’t want to see.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 03:53 PM
13

Yeah I had a screen-cap of the description that I was gonna post and then I was was like ya know what, I won’t inflict this on people the name of the group gets the point across enough.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 06:47 PM
67

It’s so fucked up. Why would anyone want that?!?! People call these types of men animals but animals don’t want shit like that. It’s an insult to animals and removes the responsibility of the men in a way. Animals don’t know better, men do. There’s not a fucking accurate word for how depraved that is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 06:21 PM
11

I hadn’t even thought of that. Probably because so many of my breakups involved me moving out of town anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 06:16 PM
10

Oh most of them CAN control their urges, that’s the thing, they just feel entitled to women or at least certain women and then they conveniently blame urges to make it biology’s fault. If they genuinely couldn’t control it they’d all act a lot different in public.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 04:52 PM
13

Barney and Ted are the literal worst. But Marshall I love.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 01:41 PM
35

Because in most cases they (we) were conditioned to be used to feeling bad or confused. For me, my whole childhood was spent walking on eggshells with a narcissistic mother. I don’t think I even fully recognized that confusion was a warning sign of bad things until waaayyy too late in the game because all of my thoughts and opinions were gaslit into oblivion from birth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 09:03 AM
2

I’m getting a server error when I click but everything else on reddit is working. Is that what happened with you too?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 07:04 AM
9

I don’t even know where to begin with all this. The title is bad enough. Apparently Reddit is a person now. What similar titles shall I use for my next piece of writing... hmm... “Facebook is trying to make people shop: offers advertising, videos, and suggested content.” “Library is trying to make people read: offers books, magazines, and newspapers.” “Walgreens is trying to make people become drug addicts...” you get the point. Like.. the information is here, people can take it or leave it. Sto…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 07:01 AM
31

Wow. You’re doing the good work. Do they respond positively or...?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 06:11 AM
22

I know it’s hard to hear this right now and it feels like you are being ganged up on, but we’re really here to support each other and hold each other accountable for making good choices. The advice they are all giving you is sound, regardless of if you want to hear it. I encourage you to spend some time browsing around. We don’t need your pity or your disdain. We’re good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 10:15 PM
4

I see what you’re saying to a point but it’s really dicey territory. My mom was the bad parent but had custody and my dad tried his best to just support me when and how he could and make my time with him amazing. Now that I’m an adult he’s open and honest about her to a point but it really would have done me no good for him to point out how terrible she is when I was a kid. I was in it, I already knew. On the flip side I think it’s perfectly fine to point out unacceptable behaviors. I do this wi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 10:04 PM
62

“Madly in love” after three dates. That always ends well. /s Allow me to translate: “I think this guy is too good for me so I’m going to do some really desperate cringey thing to hopefully cement my tenuous position in his life.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 09:54 PM
37

Yikes. Some men seem to think their sexual appetites are every woman’s problem and we have to just learn to live with it. Nah. Deal with your own shit dudes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 06:31 PM
4

Yiikkeesss. What the hell.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 04:25 PM
3

Oh I definitely think he was using talking to me to have some kind of neg effect on her. And she definitely was mimicking his behavior to appear cool. Something about the pairing seemed really sad to me. You sound like me! I have friends that are like “you must get hit on all the time” and I’m like nope. I give off the don’t fuck with me vibe. Worked for years to get rid of my rbf and then put it right back on! Problem is when I do want someone to approach me I have no clue how to shift that. I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 04:24 PM
28

I’ve given this lecture to so many friends. You want to help him Ms. Pickme? Let him fall flat on his ass and figure it out on his own without your enabling. They either do figure it out or they become someone else’s problem. Either way, not your job to solve his issues. I had a HVM call me out on my poor behavior once, out of genuine care, and I’m so thankful to this day that he did that. I’m sure he wasn’t the first, but I was finally in a place to hear it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 07:29 AM
27

That’s a really great way to explain it. I could have avoided my last bad relationship if I knew my fear was alarm bells and not ptsd or “trust issues” or fear of happiness. He even played a good game of understanding my past and being supportive but really he was just laying a groundwork of really sneaky manipulation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 07:18 AM
13

I try to wrap my brain around it and I can’t. There were times in my life when I was a pretty shit girlfriend because of being so wrapped up in my own depression/issues, but even though I made some hurtful choices in some relationships, I still deeply cared about them as people. Having relationships completely absent of any genuine care makes no sense to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 07:12 AM
29

Yep. I had one boyfriend break me down and then was disgusted that he was able to do that. Like he somehow proved something intrinsically flawed about me. (You know... like I’m a human being or something) It’s kind of like one of the songs Ophelia sings when she’s going nuts in Hamlet. The lyric is basically like... dude wanted to marry the woman before he had sex with her and then he didn’t want her any more because she was no longer pure. We have to be absolutely perfect no matter what they do…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 07:05 AM
4

What the heck even is that cartoon?! Yikes!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 05:35 AM
9

Oh yeah, there was no ring on his finger and she had one in the engagement ring spot but it didn’t look like one so I wasn’t sure. By how they were acting it seemed new but you never know. Thanks! Sometimes it sucks when I do want to have a friend or bf there to join me, but sometimes I really enjoy it. More and more enjoying it actually as my mental health and general life improve.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 05:31 AM
26

Oh for sure. I said hi and shook hands with her at first when I thought it was going to be ok... and then the seating situation, his behavior, and her disinterest made that not really possible for this particular case.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 05:28 AM
2

I see what you’re saying. Still not crazy about it but I get it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 05:03 AM
2

You know I thought it was as simple as a keyword search but I searched a few names that are in the thread for sure and it didn’t pop up. Weird. Looked through my comments and found it though: https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f36h9a/celebrity_pickmeishas_and_hvw_who_are_good/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 04:56 AM
7

That’s definitely possible. I can’t say without having seen the original conversation. To be fair though, it’s also entirely possible some pickmes in the forum that still aren’t getting it use the terms to down on other women to feel superior, thereby furthering their pickme status. It’s almost like meta... or I dunno what. Some posts I’ve seen echo this idea and I’m always calling those out. “He was awful with pickmes but with me he’s HV.” Nah, sis, not how that works.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 04:17 AM
13

Yes! I had a female friend do this with me. She successfully turned our roommate against me and tried to turn a mutual friend against me too... but joke was on her because we’re both emotionally mature and checked in on each other after her tall tales and figured out that she was lying. It was CHILLING to see. One time she told me a story that completely sounded like he was in the wrong, then I’d check in with him (slyly at first so as not to betray her) and he ended up showing me the actual tex…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 04:09 AM
6

Ruth Bader Ginsberg x10000000 There was a recent thread discussing real examples of pickmes vs HVW if you care to search it out there are more examples there I believe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 03:39 AM
20

I also saw one poster on GC very upset that she was called a “bangmaid” for being a stay at home mom. I didn’t see that post only the subsequent (and justified) complaints. I explained to her that the term is supposed to be encapsulating how certain men view certain women and absolutely should not be used as an insult. Apparently some users are out there giving us a bad name sometimes. I agree that pickme is a tricky one. It does seem to demean and dehumanize. But we kind of get away with it in …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 03:34 AM
1

That is truly fucked up and I’m so sorry that happened. To answer your questions though, I do believe there are true, loyal, caring men out there. And I think the more we buy into the lie that there aren’t, the more susceptible we are to giving up and dating LV or just fucking around. (Speaking from experience here.) My suggestion: find examples of loyal, faithful men and fill your brain with them. Read books, articles, etc. When your own parent is shit it’s easy to project that on the whole wor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 03:23 AM
84

All the comments are relating to the “dating is hard” part while missing the fact that this guy totally sucks. Some men literally just want someone to fill a role and don’t actually love the person. Shit there was a quote in a movie I watched speaking to this. An older man was giving a younger man advice and he said “when they love [referring to women], it’s personal.” I was like hot damn... the fact that that has to be said is so telling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/20 03:15 AM
15

I had an ex say almost those exact words. I took care of our whole long term travel planning because he played the “you’re so much more experienced with travel” card and when I did leave things in his hands it didn’t get done. We would have been paying double or triple every night for lodging if I didn’t find deals ahead of time. So ridiculous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 08:47 AM
8

Eww. That is really weird. I think making out with strangers at all is weird but going after a guy who initially wanted to hit on you is just... like she had something to prove. It just is kind of sad for her. She needs to get it together. But not your job to hang around and put up with her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 08:43 AM
137

Right?! Like it’s super manipulative all the way from start to finish. Ugh. Giving me flashbacks to douche bags I’ve dated! Shit men always act like they need to teach us something. Our little lady brains are just so dumb. /s Infuriating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 08:36 AM
10

Yep. Or they were super manipulative to keep the woman hooked. My ex seemed like green flags and his previous relationship was for 5 years. He was an abuser. It’s so hard to feel like anything is a for sure good sign.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 06:56 PM
46

A babysitter or someone to pay for a babysitter. “Can support a family” gtfo!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/20 05:06 AM
6

Yes!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 11:50 PM
13

Holy shit. This makes total sense. I had a guy I dated that wasn’t over a relationship from college, eight years prior to us dating. He said she was his soul mate and he let her “slip through his fingers.” She didn’t die but the way he acted was similar. She was untouchable perfection. He wouldn’t ever get close to anyone after her and that’s partially why we broke up. He claimed his heart was “waking up” and he couldn’t handle it. It wasn’t til this exact moment that I realized he’s probably a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 10:28 PM
7

Yes to all of these replies. 100% correct ladies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 09:03 PM
0

I did my very best to treat all my students equally and with equal attention. I was very careful to not play into gender stereotypes and to praise the girls for their accomplishments, not because they were cute or sweet (a common problem in how girls are raised and taught.) I also encouraged the boys to have empathy and didn’t shame them if they cried, something I saw other teachers doing... and it really ducks kids up. Shamed sadness turns to anger. Girls get the opposite. Their anger is shamed…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 04:28 PM
-1

Show me where I put boys above girls or think that girls aren’t my fellow females? You are reaching for something and I can’t figure out why. Saying boys need help becoming men has nothing to do with putting them above women. It’s a simple statement of fact.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 04:21 PM
-4

Like this was literally a post about CHILDREN and were not even allowed to express any empathy toward children if they are males? Having a space for females doesn’t mean bashing fellow females for giving a shit about... let me repeat... CHILDREN.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 09:33 AM
-5

It’s not pickme mentality it’s I was a teacher for years mentality, which it sounds like the other commenter may be as well. Having compassion for children is not the same as “what about the menz!” And all adults perform emotional labor for kids under their care. That’s the whole deal with kids. Come on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 09:30 AM
5

So this fm went through all of that, getting a date, making her drive 30 minutes, preparing a gun and whatever the else... and then only stole $1000?! I mean that whole story is crazy but that part kinda cracks me up... one thousand dollars? How poor is he that he thought THAT was worth everything he did. I am deceased.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 08:41 AM
11

😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 08:37 AM
13

Posts like this make me very thankful to be single.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 08:08 AM
17

Yees. I had one boyfriend who said after we broke up that he just wanted something easier. Not sexually, but meaning pretty much he didn’t want someone that challenged his status quo. That’s what it comes down to, really. “Let me keep being exactly as shitty as I am in this moment.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 07:57 AM
9

Exactly 100% right. OP, there is NO relationship that will ever be healthy with a man you fear. Do what you need to do to safely get out of that situation and start fresh. Read Lundy Bancroft’s “Why Does he do that?” There are free PDFs online. You will find your boyfriend (and some harsh truths) in those pages.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 07:53 AM
10

Seems like you pretty much answered your own questions. I know some solid couples can successfully go through times of LDR for one reason to another but starting LD sounds real iffy. Especially if you’ve already texted so long without meeting. I’ve seen a few posts on here about the false intimacy that creates. Also, if the guy is really a nightmare he can hide it for way longer with the distance. As for your comment, to be honest I’d be off put if someone said that to me. The wording of “actual…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 07:47 AM
16

Honestly I didn’t truly know how to do it until I found Jesus. (If that’s not your belief system, completely fine and I’m not trying to preach here, just sharing my experience.) The thought that he throws our sins (read: missteps, not necessarily “being bad”) as far as the East is from the West was a huge comfort to me. If that’s not your jam, a similar idea applies: what’s past is past and there’s nothing you can do but move forward and do better next time. Beating yourself up helps no one. I h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 03:17 AM
49

Seriously. A HVM will encourage you to have your own friends and hobbies because he will have his too. Over dependence on one person is how you get trapped and abused, and even if that’s not the case and it’s a really healthy relationship, if something ever happens to that person, and you’ve got no support. Oof. It’s so much worse than if you do have a supportive circle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 12:07 AM
173

Why the fuck would any woman get her tubes tied for a man when a procedure for him would be way easier and less painful. Fuuucckkk hiimmm. I’m so sick of women carrying so much of the burden of pregnancy prevention. Men need to step up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/20 12:03 AM
3

Right?! I was so impressed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 07:07 PM
14

I was going to say the exact same thing. You best years are what you decide! ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 04:27 PM
14

Ultimate high value woman: Ruth Bader Ginsberg Ultimate pickme: Marla Maples. Obvs this may not be true but I just read something the other day where a source said she would carry her wedding dress around on trips to be ready for when Trump wanted to marry her. I could go on. There was a lot more... but that one detail had me just... like. Yikes. I commented this on someone else’s comment too but it bares repeating that Nicki Minaj is married to a convicted rapist (and he was later convicted of …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 04:21 PM
26

Nicki Minaj is like... whatever happens after a pickme goes radioactive. She defends her rapist husband. That’s just so gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 04:15 PM
20

I couldn’t get through half of that. “He soldiers on”?! That’s what you say about a 5 year old who keeps playing soccer with a scratch on his knee. Not a grown ass man who cheated on his wife and the mother of his kids. I can’t...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 04:12 PM
40

God. You just summed up my life dating abusers. What was I doing?! If he doesn’t get making you cry is bad the first time, he never will.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 03:43 PM
26

None of the top comments mentioned abuse help lines and I scrolled through a while and didn’t see anything. I hope she’s able to get out safely. What a fucking nightmare.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 03:40 PM
3

Wow. That’s so telling. Yeah I was just thinking, I’ve had two boyfriends that genuinely had mental health issues and were not abusers but I was collateral damage of their issues. Which I think is a different thing entirely than what’s happening in the OP. For example one was hitting himself in the head during a meltdown (possible autism on top of other issues of trauma with him) and I got hit by accident when I tried to stop him. It was just barely on the hand, but it was still over after that.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 03:35 PM
1

I’m not and I burned it outside but I do get what you are saying. I smudge from time to time. It’s in a lot of religious traditions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 03:28 PM
1

She probably said it was “very harsh” because we’re so conditioned to padding our language with men. I’ve been working on training myself out of it. Cus fuck that. We can be direct and respectful without padding, as you were in your email. Examples of padding would be using a lot of wishy washy words like “maybe” or “perhaps.” She probably would have been comfortable seeing: “I am sorry to bother you, but I think we had discussed that it would take me a month to do the website. It would be reall…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 08:43 AM
3

God why did I read those comments. And anyone talking any sense or empathy towards women got downvoted. I went and upvoted and downvoted accordingly. The show of support of victim blaming makes me physically ill.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 08:34 AM
4

They don’t realize abusers don’t want to get better and the majority of them never will. They hold onto this fantasy that Prince Charming is in there if they just kiss the frog enough times. It’s so sad. And infuriating. All of the emotions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 08:24 AM
4

They all need to read Lundy Bancroft’s book. We’re so used to that narrative that abuse comes from mental health issues we never stop and think... well wait a minute... Men and women have mental health issues in equal numbers and yet it’s OVERWHELMINGLY men who become violent and the ratio gets even more pronounced when we look at intimate partner murders. Like. Shut the fuck up with this “mental health crisis” bs. Women manage to have those without murdering people. Figure it the fuck out men. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 08:21 AM
9

Oh but it’s what it’s become. And no one can dare question “sex positivity” or they’re a SWERF! It’s super fucked up. Even supporting the Nordic model when it comes to prostitution (only the purchaser or pimp is jailed) got me called a swerf because “sex work is work and it should be legal so women can be protected!” Meanwhile we aren’t protected in even legal sex work. Or even non-sex work. Let’s not even kid ourselves here. Women in offices get let go all the time for bringing up concerns of s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 08:10 AM
9

I’m so sorry that happened. I’m just so absolutely gutted every time I hear about what fucking pigs cops are. My abusive bf from high school became a cop. Surprise surprise. Men who like to abuse and dominate want a job where they’re allowed to abuse and dominate! It’s all so sick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 08:03 AM
6

I love how he tries to like pass the test or something by saying he’s into it and then realizes it’s for real not gunna happen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 07:54 AM
5

I gave a whole rant on this to some of my friends because I kept seeing that phrase “give him a chance” and it was driving my absolutely insane. Giving someone a chance should only apply to somewhat superficial things. Like... he likes sports and you don’t? Ok give him a chance, sometimes opposites attract. Not your usual type but all around seems like a HVM? Sure give him a chance. But... He fucks up or otherwise shows he’s not giving a shit about your time? Nah. That’s not a “chance” that’s an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 07:52 AM
1

Yes! Asking questions is SO helpful. I do this in my own brain even to help combat negative patterns and thoughts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 07:44 AM
7

Yep. Shame is a huge part of the whole abuse cycle and trauma bonding. Been there myself. That’s why it’s always such a razor thin line to walk between having that talk with a friend, and not shaming them in any way. Like even as someone who’s been through it and out the other side, talking to other friends who are still in it is so hard. I have to constantly be very hyper aware of everything I say and how it could be construed as shaming or victim blaming. And even after all that chances are th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 07:39 AM
14

I was dating a guy who had a total melt down hissy fit about the possibility of me waiting til marriage for sex. (Honestly, part of me knew I was testing him and he failed horribly.) I didn’t have FDS at the time so when he apologized I gave him another chance, and then a week later he asked me how I was doing with my “sexual progress.” (Like I needed to work on myself, and it needed to be done that week...) we fought til 4 am the night before a huge interview. The next day I came to my senses. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 06:48 AM
44

I love how he used the eye roll emoji like she’s the dummy here. 😂 like, my dude. Google translate. This ain’t rocket science.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 06:41 AM
3

I feel like there isn’t really enough info here... aside from wondering what “hanging out” means and if he’s actually interested in a relationship. Pro-life is a concern but not necessarily a red flag, especially so young. Unfortunately a lot of younger folks, especially if they’re from a sheltered Christian community, don’t understand the full scope of the abortion issue. The fact that he’s not shoving it down your throat seems like a good sign there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 06:38 AM
14

I was one of those babies. It’s so fucked up. I got lucky though. My dad is actually a good dad. But yeah. Mom is a total narcissist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 06:31 AM
15

What LVM won’t say to make sure you know just how unimportant you are. They set the bar real low right from the get go. Oof.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 06:28 AM
244

How the fuck. This is just on some other level. Their anniversary too. Way to really hit it home that you don’t give a shit about her dude.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 06:25 AM
73

“I am suckless.” Nah, dude. You suck plenty.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 08:27 AM
1

I’m sorry to hear that. It’s an all to common experience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 08:24 AM
2

Holy shit! Good on ya.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/20 08:23 AM
13

Yep. My parents divorced when I was too young to even remember them together so I guess I had a pretty thick skin about it. I could not even fathom my parents together it would have been an absolute living hell. Things were bad enough just with my mom and she has a knack for bringing out the worst in people so if they were still together I probably would have had a worse go of it. At least with the divorce I could retreat to my dad’s and be treated well for a time until I had to go back to her p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 07:46 PM
1

I never get a follow up so I don’t know. Has anyone else?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 07:36 PM
4

Did you go to the cops?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 07:35 PM
10

Yep. In a later episode he made a bunch of Marge robots too and put on a ruse of getting married to one trying to make marge see how they were meant to be together. Super. Creepy. Poor Marge.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 07:33 PM
7

I’m not sure if that’s a thing but I report boners in undies all the time. Never hear back about what happens though so who knows.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 07:31 PM
23

Have seriously considered doing this. I’m good with photoshop so I could make some fake profile without using any other poor woman’s photos or exposing myself to risk with my own. But it’d be a full time job and I have other shit to do... 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 07:30 PM
17

Omg where did you spot this and please tell me people put this ahole in his place...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 07:26 PM
6

No no no. Have you ever been the first to say I love you? I have and lemmie tell you, it’s gut wrenching. The butterflies... the will they say it back... trying to find the perfect moment. I’ve also been the second to say it and it’s a similar thing only it’s like... am I ready? Do I or am I just saying it because he said it? My point is, it’s not just something you throw away in a text. It’s supposed to have meaning. That on top of everything else you said that’s going on. Big ole nope. Ditch t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 07:24 PM
41

Exactly right. If I’ve learned one thing in all my moving and breakups and whatever the hell I’ve been through it’s this: it’s best to just rip the bandaid off then drag things out. People think kids don’t understand things, but the reality is adults like this don’t want to face the fact that kids often have clearer, less clouded judgement than them. It’s not that she doesn’t understand that a divorce would be tremendously difficult, it’s that she understands it will be worth it in the end. Kids…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/20 07:17 PM
4

I’ve seen similar sentiments floating around about how it’s a “success” if a formerly shit man turns things around. If he TRULY turns things around that’s one thing (and comes from within, not without) BUT if he’s just doing the bare minimum of the next woman’s higher standards, that doesn’t mean he’s changed or is suddenly a good man. Is this addressed in the handbook at all? Cus this mindset needs to be nipped in the bud. It’s another version of “I’m not like other girls.” “Look, he behaves le…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 05:11 PM
16

What are we looking at here?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 03:16 AM
4

Yeeesss! Said exactly what I wanted to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 10:03 PM
7

Just saw this on my FB. I have mixed feelings for myself. I’m happier single than dating shitty people, obviously, but I don’t want this to be my life path. I can be happy single but it’s not ideal. I want a family. It’s so frustrating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 09:57 PM
28

Yeeepp. I feel like over half the posts there could be shared here. It’s nuts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 09:55 PM
34

I don’t know that it’s been one specific principle so much as seeing them all lived and acted out together through first hand accounts. There’s this concept in psychology called priming... like if you prime someone to think about aging and being old, they actually subconsciously move slower.... I think this sub primes us to keep our standards high and think highly of ourselves even if we aren’t necessarily currently dating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 09:10 PM
21

Like... when you set boundaries men manically disappear? Lol. Probably would if I didn’t do it first.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 09:04 PM
55

I wish I found FDS years ago. I was a major paragrapher. When you fully realize just how shit a man is and that nothing you say will change that... there’s a freedom in that and the compulsion to keep sending paragraphs just disappears. At least that’s how it happened to me last breakup. Went full ghost, no contact, and I’m so glad. Why drag shit out?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 09:03 PM
12

I keep signing up and deleting several of the platforms. Been doing this for years. I did meet one great guy but I wasn’t into him and honestly (this was 5 years ago) wasn’t in a place to be a good partner yet. He’s married with an adorable baby now. Met his wife on match. Some people have success but I feel like it’s increasingly rare. I don’t know. It’s exhausting but it’s hard for me to meet quality men in my age range for a multitude of reasons I don’t want to get into, so I keep trying agai…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 08:58 PM
2

I see. It’s all very fresh. Still, it’s no help to you to focus on other people. That woman has her own issues to deal with that are none of your business. Glad you left him. Time to rebuild yourself and stop worrying about that piece of shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 10:31 AM
1

If a man is genuinely kind and friendly to everyone and his gf gets jealous, maybe it’s her problem. (If he treats her well, of course). Red flags in the other hand: -comparing his gf to others -treating his gf like shit but making a show of how nice he is to other women -flirting in front of his gf -complimenting things he’s previously insulted in his gf It’s hard to account for every situation but you could also reverse a scenario when in doubt and ask yourself “would I ever do this to my bf?”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 09:54 AM
1

Yikes. That’s a bad bad road to go down. What she has that you don’t? Nothing. Cheaters cheat, the other woman is irrelevant. There’s nothing to be jealous of. Please tell me you’re not still with the cheater.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 09:47 AM
2

I’m not sure what you mean... comparisons? In my case I found out a year after we had already broken up and I never saw the woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 08:17 AM
42

That’s what I’m saying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 12:54 AM
124

Stop believing the lie that you are ruined forever. NO! No man has that power over you. Stop repeating that curse! You are going to rise above and this is all going to be a distant memory. So glad you found your way here, and so young! And you weren’t a “prude” before either. I used to call myself that before too and that’s some misogynistic bullshit we buy into. What others label “prude” is just being a normal fucking discerning human being! Sending you love and strength! ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 12:36 AM
40

Because a large portion of the entire world hates women. As others have said, the anonymity makes it easier to express these views but it’s really nothing they won’t say on any environment where they feel it’s ok to. That’s why they all need to be shamed back into the little dark holes they crawled out of. That’s why I fight with people on and offline, even though I know I won’t change their minds. They can’t keep going unopposed in their sicko views.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 10:19 PM
5

I’m all about blocking anyone that isn’t good for your life, even your own mother. I did it and people give me shit about it but things are so much more peaceful for me now, at least in that regard. It’s a long road dismantling a lifetime of gaslighting but it sounds like you’re well on your way! If this man has your address and you think there’s a chance he’ll show up, it might be a good idea to get police help, as others have said, but also let a few trusted friends or neighbors in on the info…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 10:11 PM
1

Something weird is happening when I try to click on the link I just get redirected here.... does that mean the post is gone or am I doing something wrong?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 10:04 PM
1

Care to repost here since it’s gone? If he set up a camera without your knowledge their may be grounds for a legal case? But as the other comment said, get rid of him, safely and ASAP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 10:02 PM
6

It’s so sad that she thinks porn is what has helped them communicate. Like... he can masturbate without porn. They can be open about their sexual preferences without porn. Major yikes all around.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 09:56 PM
3

Yep. The only bf I had that I know cheated on me was one of the only ones who was jealous and thought I would cheat. (The other jealous one got cheated on before). Never again. Either scenario. Jealousy is a big red flag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 09:50 PM
7

“Orgies are considered?” You have enough for one now fellas, go on your merry way!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 09:46 PM
15

They are. Trying to find the lowest hanging fruit that are totally ok with them being horrible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 09:44 PM
10

This is why I love this forum. At first I was like yeah maybe you’re being a bit paranoid, but then I read the responses, reread the post, and was like damn. The responses are so right. So many shitty situations I’ve ended up in bc I didn’t trust my instincts, because I confused them for unfounded fear. My last ex was all green flags but I was terrified it wasn’t real... turns out I was right. At the time I thought I was “scared of a good thing.” Now I know it was my intuition screaming at me. O…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 09:42 PM
6

I wrestled with boys a lot when I was younger and I never won, of course, so this has been clear to me for a while. I guess if I was in a situation where I actually wanted to hurt them I could have gone for the balls, but in that situation, the man could actually hurt me too and we’re back to square one of me losing miserably. This strength imbalance was recently made very clear to me again when my friend’s 13 year old, rather scrawny son, opened a jar neither of us could.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 09:26 PM
6

I’m seeing more and more of this lately. It’s truly sick and it must mean... someone is still banging these dudes right? Like if not they’d switch it up? I don’t get it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 09:15 PM
39

Exactly. Millions of people manage to have “vigorous sex” and not end up in the wrong hole. What a world....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 09:13 PM
3

I didn’t make that first comment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 09:02 PM
0

I’m a little lost on who you’re even talking to at this point so let me clear this up: My interpretation is that the OP said it’s easy for women to find quality matches, and that has NOT been my experience, nor the experience of countless women I’ve talked to... I run a FB group about it even. Not defending the man here at all. His post is dumb and kind of irrelevant to the point the OP was trying to make, that women have it better with online dating than men. He doesn’t sound like a catch so ho…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 06:38 PM
12

That was an odd read. Some of those answers were not a good look for those women, while others seemed to second guess 100% valid reasons.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 03:16 AM
8

You don’t know how I’m swiping.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 02:57 AM
20

Ummm... that’s not playing devils advocate for men. That’s the experience of basically any woman I’ve talked to about OLD and my own experiences. It’s not some incel myth. Men on the apps are just one loser after another. It’s worse than finding a needle in a haystack to find one of quality.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 01:17 AM
52

I used to do some modeling back when I was younger but way more insecure. The number of times the makeup artists acted like they’d performed some miracle on me was so demoralizing. I look back and I was pretty with or without makeup. To make such a big stink like they turned an ogre into a Princess was honestly not flattering but frustrating. As for awkward stages. Dear lord my middle school years were ROUGH. My nose was too big for my face and I didn’t have a handle on my unibrow/ mustache yet.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 01:07 AM
5

Damn
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 12:57 AM
15

Unfortunately I was mostly raised by my mom and the rest of my family was further away. The only advice or examples I got from her was abusive and/or pickme shit. My favorite: “No boy will ever want to date you if you smack your food like that!” I was 8. Yikes. Great message about molding myself to be likable for men. Breaking that generational bullshit if it means I end up single so be it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 09:52 PM
6

This is a tough one. There are the obvious ones like disrespect, bigotry, racism, sexism, etc. but other than that I’ve had a really hard time putting a line in the sand and I probably need to change that. I’m more and more finding someone that identifies as atheist to be a deal breaker. They generally treat me like I’m an idiot at worst or naive at best for believing in God. Having kids is a deal breaker for me at the moment because I probably want to move from my current city in a couple years…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 09:43 PM
1

Oh for sure. I’m just still reeling from the sheer numbers of it all. It’s nuts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 04:33 PM
2

Honestly... he looks like he’s not all there and that follow up post with the girlfriend... he’s got some major crazy eyes going on. Just kinda makes me sad honestly. Delusional person...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 05:42 AM
9

Ugh. This person doesn’t give a shit about you but is keeping the door open in case he changes his mind. Block and move on. You can do better. As for the falling asleep thing... On a first fucking date? If you know you fall asleep don’t go to a damn movie! Not acceptable. Low effort bull shit. It’s understandable that you were upset. And this is coming from someone who passes out pretty easily (happened many times when I’ve invited friends over for movies at my place, completely sober too). But …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 05:37 AM
21

Wtf did I just read?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 05:27 AM
27

Any time someone comes on a forum to ask about a partner... I feel like that’s already a pretty good sign that you already know something isn’t right. If you’ve been with him this long and still feel like you don’t know him... to me that’s a big red flag. But it’s hard to say for sure without knowing why you feel that way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 05:25 AM
15

I feel like me leaving my pickme behaviors behind was a matter of increments... which is kind of true for any skill or new knowledge. At first, I didn’t fully know how I was supposed to be treated. (I mean deep down I did but I was gaslit basically since I was born into accepting poor treatment so it was all very blurry) Once I had a better concept of how healthy relationships SHOULD look, and after many failed attempts to get that... I went to a very dark place where I didn’t believe it was pos…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 05:21 AM
5

It’s hard to say for sure because you were pretty vague on the details but if this person is bad news you don’t owe him an in person break off. I get wanting to follow the golden rule but if he’s already broken it and shown disrespect, you have the to right to protect yourself from additional distress.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 05:15 AM
15

Sometimes when things are too tough... I just zone out on cell phone games or 1000 piece puzzles until the worst passes. Thinking about things isn’t always the answer. Sometime your mind needs a break and it you don’t have a meditation practice in place yet, tedious tasks help. Knitting. Embroidery. Keep your hands busy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 05:11 AM
6

I had a similar issue for a long time. It’s a day by day thing. There’s no cure all. Every day, you wake up and you make the right decisions for your health and well being. And if you slip up, forgive yourself and move forward. You’re never too far gone. Get some hobbies, make some new friends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 05:09 AM
2

She said he can’t afford therapy... but he sure figures out how to gamble doesn’t he? The mental gymnastics it must take for her to excuse him on the daily is exhausting to even think about.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 04:24 AM
2

They already do!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 04:22 AM
21

It’s not. I just got back on Tinder. The amount of “looking for my next ex” type shit on bios is astounding. They straight up scream from the rooftop how shitty they are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 03:45 AM
19

So... he took a date to your favorite bar two weeks after you split and you don’t see what he’s doing? Dude wants to get to you and it worked. Don’t give him the satisfaction. He’s using that poor woman to do it too. Pig.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 03:42 AM
16

It sounds like you need a lot more support than we can give. Are you in therapy?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 03:38 AM
48

Hilarious!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 03:35 AM
6

There has never been a time where my “anxiety” acted up with a man where it didn’t turn out to actually be 100% a warning that he was bad news. Other replies said a similar thing but I just want to reaffirm. Don’t let your past traumas cloud your judgement into gaslighting yourself. You aren’t too sensitive, too many men are too insensitive. I’m the exact same way and I still have to keep reprogramming my brain to listen and believe myself and my own boundaries.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/20 08:53 PM
12

Saw an even worse scowl today with a bio that said “don’t let looks fool you, I’m not mean.” Then change your fucking face dude. Like... I don’t understand what they try to accomplish by looking creepy and scary?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/20 01:14 AM
30

Yikes. This is the thing about this forum that is the danger. Just because a douche bag momentarily treats you better than other women doesn’t make him a good man. The point is to avoid men like him, not to feel special because he’s playing along (for now). That disrespect will come eventually. Once he “loses interest” again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/20 01:12 AM
22

I don’t know. My most recent ex was one of the worst boyfriends I’ve ever had and he was all the right things at first. Great job, clean nice home he owned, paid for everything, seemingly empathetic and caring... But as time went on I realized he was trying to mold me into a Stepford wife with abuse and manipulation. He was awful. I don’t think he had an ounce of real love for me at all. So I’m honestly pretty jaded. There are low and negative value men at every level economically. Definitely un…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 05:11 PM
11

I had similar ones popping up too but I just turned them off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 10:10 PM
9

Yikes. What. The fuck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 06:08 PM
25

Wow. That whole thread is one deleted post after another. I shudder to think what they all said. This poor girl.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 06:48 AM
4

Oh yeah. Even when I was into all that new age bull shit the concept rubbed me the wrong way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/20 07:06 PM
13

Oh dear god that man is vile. Get rid of that perverted sociopath ASAP. I hope you can find the medical help you need.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/20 07:54 AM
18

Oh nooooo. Any time the phrase “he won’t let me...” comes up it’s like... how the fuck does a grown ass adult presume to tell another grown ass adult what they can and can’t do?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/20 07:44 AM
19

“A married woman kissed him and he kissed her back.” Come on. This is not an honest dude. Look at him trying to put himself as the unwitting participant in that bull shit. Yikes. Pass on that behavior. All of it. From kissing a married woman, to not owning it, to turning around and reporting back to you about it. RUN.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/20 07:17 AM
53

What on God’s green earth makes her think this fucker is her “twin flame”?! How sad is that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/20 07:12 AM
10

I couldn’t read past “respectively of course” 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/20 07:20 AM
2

I see. That’s different.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/20 01:34 AM
3

Exactly!! Every health problem I ever went to get checked was labeled as “stress.” Or anxiety. Or depression. Or all three. I finally diagnosed myself with a genetic disorder and whether I’m correct or not, it’s helped me because I know now I can be gentle with my body and rest when I need to. My own self diagnosis has done more good for me than all the doctors visits over the years. The thing is too... the genetic disorder is very stressful on the muscles, which can cause anxiety and depression…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/20 05:34 PM
14

Agreed with everyone here but also wanted to point this out for you, OP and those in a similar situation reading: Look at how you say, “is it enough to break up with him?” I see this kind of phrasing A LOT from abused women and it breaks my heart. (myself included in this.) You don’t need any more of a reason to break up with someone than the pure fact that you want to. It’s not your job to stay because you started the relationship and it must get “bad enough” to leave it. No. You can leave at a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/20 08:08 AM
5

YES. I wish I had learned this sooner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/20 08:02 AM
2

I identified as bi years ago but don’t any longer. I’m still attracted to women from time to time but it’s a passing thing. I had a girlfriend once and as you suspect, it was just easier. One of the easiest relationships I’ve been in, we never fought, and we understood each other. But as nice as it was, I learned I wouldn’t feel right being with a woman long term, and it wasn’t fair to do that to someone. So I no longer think about pursuing women. Unless someone really amazing came along that to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/20 07:59 AM
30

You went to a couple’s therapist but don’t have a therapist for yourself? That should be priority number one. As far as dumping him, if you’re on a break and he doesn’t want to be with you any more isn’t that pretty much done for you? The beginning is the hardest and if you have already separated, keep it up. I really don’t like the western view of mental health and the way it labels people. It makes things seem permanent that really are not. You can overcome DPD. It’s not an identity, it’s some…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/20 07:35 AM
227

Reality check from the female perspective: He invited me over and didn’t bother to clean up or wash dishes. Not husband material. Who the hell “tests” someone by waiting around for them to clean up after you. Yikes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/20 07:22 AM
39

I’ve only ever seen this mentioned like in the article, for the safety of women. A man using it because he thinks his date is ugly is ridiculous and an improper use of the code. Talk about hijacking. Sheesh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/20 07:11 AM
3

I couldn’t even finish readin those chains. The amount of people that thought it was sweet. It was like an alternate universe....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/20 05:56 PM
3

I KNOW! I thought that was a clever joke but it was a direct quote. Wtf is wrong with men?!?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/20 05:54 PM
1

Yep and there’s a whole book specifically for that. I sadly know because I fell into that trap. The book made sense if you didn’t think too hard or look too deep. Respect your husband, don’t nag, etc... but once I joined the connected fb group and saw it was a bunch of abused women trying to magically have a wonderful relationship I was like holy Fuck. Not only is it wrong it’s reckless and dangerous. The mods would delete any comments of dissent or urges to divorce too so it was a giant echo ch…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/20 06:49 AM
5

Oh I totally think I would have become friends with his ex if I didn’t leave town. We will probably grab a coffee or something the next time I visit. As for therapy, I couldn’t get him to agree to therapy until I straight up left to another city to decide if we’d split. Then of course he said he would. While gone I read “Why does he do that?” And thank god because it helped me understand in no uncertain terms what I’d need to feel safe going back and figure out that he was never going to be that…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/20 06:45 AM
2

Oh I love that one!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/20 06:36 AM
25

I had a similar experience talking to the ex of my abusive ex and realizing how much worse he was than I realized. He never laid a hand on either of us but what he did was still sick, manipulative, and traumatizing. It was incredibly sobering to talk to her. She was so gracious and kind and we need more women connecting and validating each other so this fuckers lose all their power. I will say it til I die, abusive behavior all comes from the same poisoned root, whether it comes out in ways ment…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/20 08:44 PM
15

“We must keep our handmaids from realizing they can do better!!”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/20 08:39 PM
29

That Gottman book is a good one, but any relationship book only works in a genuine partnership. No book is going to help if you have a non-committal man baby or worse, an abusive partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/20 08:35 PM
20

This makes me so sad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/20 08:33 PM
45

Amelie. It breaks FDS rules as the woman is the pursuer but it’s really sweet and pure story about two oddballs coming together. I feel pretty. (Also female pursuer but sweet man.) And not romance but First Wives Club... women taking their power back over the LVMs that screwed them over! Yes please.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/20 06:59 PM
1

Are you asking or accusing?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/20 06:49 PM
60

Thank god everyone is tearing him a new one. Yikes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 06:36 PM
20

But... he just said she’s hot... Also... late teens? Also... I’m gunna stop because everything about this is so heinous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 06:31 PM
7

My fb is blowing up with people debating this point. One friend said show some “empathy” in regards to not trashing him but all I could think is... where’s your empathy for the victim? And this is a good guy but he has some major blind spots where he just totally misses the fucking ball despite his best efforts to be an ally. Some fucking dudes just can’t wrap their brain around the fact that it’s not a “mistake” of youth. Like fuuuuck. It’s so sick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 04:54 PM
9

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and how it’s shifting. Like the parents in the Simpson’s and Family Guy vs. Bob’s Burgers. Bob and Linda are so sweet together. Major level up on cartoon families which may seem trivial but I wish I had grown up watching Bob’s and not the Simpson’s. What kind of shit did that normalize for me?! Or dear god Al Bundy in Married with Children. I’m sure we could make a whole list of shows about fat drunk abusive oafs that somehow were shown as ”lovable.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 04:49 PM
5

Yikes. Glad they changed it for the movie.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 04:45 PM
5

But Marshall and Lily! ❤️ Ted is the absolute worst though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 04:44 PM
2

I was gunna say! Like wtf is going on with that?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 04:38 PM
7

That was painful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 04:21 PM
8

Questions are a great way to retrain your brain. If you just tell yourself “stop it!” The natural reaction is to rebel against that, but questions leave room for critical self analysis. I also do this one and it’s helping a lot “so and so isn’t responsible for your survival.” Because really that’s how your body feels when you get all anxious about whether a person likes you or not. That one phrase has helped me so much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 03:03 PM
60

Eww. Don’t even waste time wondering just throw him out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 03:00 PM
17

It sounds like you already know what to do but we can definitely be the voices outside your head confirming. Just posting this means you are not in a normal or healthy situation. I hope you I get out safely. ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 02:56 PM
7

Ah gotcha. I’d never heard of her or any of this so I probably don’t have the full picture.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/20 09:04 PM
51

If she’s getting zero dates because of it does that mean she sabotaged herself or does that mean there are a lot of low value men floating around that’s she has now weeded out? I get keeping things close and not divulging too much/ but on the flip side telling guys you want to wait til marriage will have low value men leaping out the window to run away and I don’t see that as a bad thing. I had a friend in her late 30s who is (was?) a virgin and she just met her fiancé last year. Knowing her she…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/20 07:14 PM
29

A guy I know straight up admitted last night he wants to be smarter than a woman he’s interested in from a “primal level” or some shit. He at least had the self awareness that is was a bullshit thing to say and want but that doesn’t really make it any better. I’m smarter than a lot of men I meet in a lot of ways but because I’m a bit naive at times and not “smart” in some of the most basic ways (mental math, directions, etc) I get talked down to a lot my men and pickmeishas. It’s absolutely infu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/20 02:51 PM
6

That’s nuts. Do you know on what grounds, if any? That was my thought too. Everyone telling her it’s not normal to ignore a crying partner clearly don’t know what it’s like to be with a manipulative psycho who cries after berating you to chip away at your boundaries and make you feel bad for having them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/20 09:05 AM
11

It’s never ended well for me. Usually it’s a bunch of manipulative love bombing. What goes up must come down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/20 08:51 AM
6

What fucking “metrics” could this person possibly be looking at. Some people just talk out their ass and use words like that to sounds smart when they’re full of shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/20 08:16 AM
9

Certainly some careers that attract more of some types than others but at the end of the day there’s no magic pill for weeding out losers. Three of the most HVM I know are in the “red flag” jobs: one bartender/ actor, one doctor, one pilot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/20 09:53 PM
35

Reproductive coercion is an overly giving way to put it. It sounds like he just straight up threatened to assault her. Garbage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/20 09:43 PM
11

But you can’t get lit off melatonin which is why it’s such an obvious joke... she might as well have said she got lit off some airborne.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 10:41 PM
45

I’d feel embarrassed doing it to a friend. Call AFTER and ask for money? What nonsense is that?! He wanted brownie points to get some and then decided it wasn’t worth it later.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 10:36 PM
10

I think most of us have behaved in shitty, hurtful, and irresponsible ways in our younger years, especially high school/ college, but it levels out as we mature. But, my experience dating in my thirties has gotten worse than my mid 20s, not better. HVM who are marriage minded have partnered off by now. Not to sound cynical, I’m sure there are some great guys out there still looking just like me, but it’s a significantly smaller pool and many men my age are now coming out of divorces or are abuse…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 06:35 PM
19

Getting married... is the gayest thing... a man can do... Gosh all the gay men I know certainly have been gaying wrong. Should we take out a PSA ad on Grinder? /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 06:24 PM
11

I was just thinking “he let you go so....”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 06:20 PM
40

When I told my ex I didn’t need him, but I wanted him it was like... he thought it was the worst thing I could possibly say. For me it was meant a compliment/ standing up for myself. Seriously... who wants to have a gf that’s only there because she NEEDS him. I later figure out: guys like him that can’t conceive of real love and just want a trained handmaid that’s who.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 04:43 PM
6

I think there is a huge difference between a long term committed partnership though and a “forever girlfriend.” I have a female friend that doesn’t believe in marriage but her partner would marry her in a heartbeat. They go through life with the behaviors of a married couple and it works for them, no judgment. On the flip side, a man can be with a woman he thinks is “good enough” and convince her he doesn’t believe in marriage as an out, then turns around and marries the next woman quickly becau…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 04:11 PM
16

That dude fed you lies. Remove them from your brain. LVM do this type of shit so you think you can’t do better than them and that there is some amazing better version of you out there just ready and waiting to scoop them up from you. Please! One of my exes used to paw at me all the time and tell me “other women would love this” when I would repeatedly tell him to stop touching me when I wasn’t in the mood. Right. Women love that shit. /s I should have told him good go find one of those women the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 03:59 PM
10

Ah I see.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 03:34 PM
18

Yeesh. Why was it deleted?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 03:07 PM
1

I never watched an episode but I had to research the first season for something and it made me so sick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 10:19 AM
40

Yes. Exactly. Letting myself be angry was one of the biggest leaps forward in my recovery.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 09:23 AM
10

I think it’s more dependent on family dynamics honestly. Like my mom never cared when I visited her, but my dad and stepmom do and it always kinda threw me off for years even, and I’d resist doing it and I never did it with other people. But now I do because I get it now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 08:54 AM
8

I read this after my last of many abusive relationships and though I had read at length about abuse and narcissism in the past, something about THIS book clicked differently than all the others. It was a painful read, to recognize just HOW BAD things were... I mean hello past me! I was reading it out of town after running away from my ex. He never laid a hand on me and wasn’t physically imposing but I was scared of him. Of course it was that bad. Of course. Running away from your “boyfriend” isn…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 02:25 AM
15

I have a similar personality type but am now in my 30s and it’s FINALLY all clicking. I hope you get there sooner (not that I’m fully there myself) but the reality is, when you know who you are and stand fully in your power, LV people will bounce right off. Something I’ve started doing when I feel anxious about what other people say about me or I’m worried about what they’re thinking is, I’ll tell my body “this person isn’t responsible for my survival.” It may sound weird but it’s been working. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/20 04:08 PM
2

I think you missed a huge point. How is this judgment and jealously serving you or helping you in any way?! Why would this give you zero hope? What does their marriage have anything to do with you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/20 04:01 PM
1

Scary to think about, especially since the ones that are abusers without charges are probably in even far greater numbers. I am very careful to listen to how a man talks about his exes. But I sometimes still miss things. :/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 08:07 AM
7

No. The most skilled abusers go after HVW because they take pleasure in having a trophy wife/ breaking her down. Reframe “she gets money” to “she feels trapped and utterly unable to get help” and you’re getting closer to the truth. If there is in fact abuse going on. Financial abuse is a thing. Some abusers can fake mister perfect for YEARS and only let the mask slip when they feel they have the woman trapped. I can’t tell you how many stories I’ve hear where a man showed his true colors after m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 07:47 AM
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