~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 335 | This was on my LinkedIn feed with hundreds of likes and positive comments about how clever and hilarious it was.I’m married and I’d argue my husband actually stepped up his game after we tied the knot. He works so hard around the house, plans fun things for us to do, takes me on dates, and finds little ways to show his appreciation every day. Our connection has only gotten stronger and the effort we both put in reflects that. But I wouldn’t have married him if I’d had any doubts. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/03/22 05:19 PM |
| 122 | How do HVM behave during conflict?My husband and I aren’t afraid to disagree with each other and I think it’s because we know our respective viewpoints will be heard. Conflict isn’t avoided; it’s embraced. We put our heads together and solve it. We’re a team. It’s us vs. the problem, not me vs. him. Conflict does not mean volatility in our case. It’s a healthy part of our dynamic. We have had actual fights before, though. It’s never over dealbreaking stuff but it’s usually because we handle things differently — he tends to take … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/03/22 03:24 AM |
| 28 | Symptoms of womanhood. • Sumaya Poetry (Happy Woman’s Day sisters, may we keep fighting the patriarchy and celebrating all that we are).My husband never takes his bad moods out of me, ever — he’s actually extraordinarily good at managing his emotions in a healthy way. But I still feel afraid whenever he’s upset. I can’t shake the muscle memory from my childhood seeing my dad rage and from past abusive relationships. In my trauma mind, men’s anger automatically means I did something wrong. It absolutely terrifies me. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/03/22 09:13 PM |
| 68 | Tell me you've never actually been in a relationship, without telling me:Well said. And all those “free” gifts and dinners? Usually come with strings attached and the expectation that free shit = sex (on the man’s terms, of course). If incels really believe this garbage, they’re more than welcome to take themselves right out of the dating pool. No women are going to complain. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/03/22 04:09 PM |
| 9 | HVM and HVW in pop culture?Unusual pick but: Joel and Sheila from Santa Clarita Diet. It’s a goofy af show but they have a cute relationship and I think they’re both oddly good examples of HV people. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/02/22 07:41 PM |
| 28 | FDS: thank you for helping me to open my heart to womenYes, well said! Fortunately I think it only takes a few outliers to turn the tide in those situations. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/01/22 12:04 AM |
| 97 | (Possible TW) Can this type of stuff stop being normalized“Ignore all your intuitions telling you something is wrong — you’re being a completely crazy, irrational, emotional woman for feeling that way, now just shut up and look pretty.” | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/01/22 12:40 AM |
| 160 | Husband cares so little about pregnant wife who has an immune disorder & lies about wearing a mask & social distancing, forcing her to leave the home because he can’t be responsible. Poor woman.“Picking a fight.” Ladies, we have to have a talk about this kind of language. Raising a complaint when something is wrong is not “picking a fight”. Speaking up when someone’s behavior affects you negatively is not “picking a fight”. That phrasing needs to go right in the dumpster, along with “nagging” and “bEiNg EmOtIoNaL”. It’s just another example of how women self-invalidate — it causes us to suppress valid concerns and endure ongoing mistreatment. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/01/22 05:57 PM |
| 11 | Break up songs by guys that make you laughThat song is hilarious. It makes me think of an angry middle schooler trying to act tough after someone insults his momma, when in reality he’s actually super close to tears. It’s painfully obvious that that song is masking a fragile ego. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/12/21 07:49 PM |
| 315 | Woman posts about her LVM in 2015 . . . and then updates SIX years later about leveled up lifeWhen men throw out "yOu'Ll Be SiNgLe FoReVeR", I wish they understood that this is what a single woman looks like: a woman who isn't terrorized by a negative-value person, who is free to be her own person and achieve her potential without being weighed down by someone awful. That is infinitely better than being in a toxic relationship! Women don't shrivel up and waste away without a man -- we thrive. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/11/21 06:45 PM |
| 9 | ANYONE who weaponizes your self improvement efforts against you is low value and should be immediately blocked and deleted.I’m so sorry about your mother. A divorce and losing a parent at the same time — who wouldn’t need extra support in that situation? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/11/21 04:22 AM |
| 81 | ANYONE who weaponizes your self improvement efforts against you is low value and should be immediately blocked and deleted.It seems like she was doing fine when she was in a “superior” position (you were vulnerable and going through your divorce and she was your confidant), and now the tides have turned and she’s the one in a vulnerable place. Accepting therapy would mean accepting that things are not as in control as she wants them to be. There’s no excuse for making a nasty comment like that, though. OP, I’m glad you’re able to recognize that it’s very much her, not you. You realized you needed support, got it, an… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/11/21 06:22 PM |
| 46 | Help me out of this spiralI understand what you’re saying but I am going to check you on your tone because it came across as really mean, and OP is clearly upset and asking for support from her community. Like you, I think we’ve all been in her shoes before and we should build each other up in these moments instead of being harsh. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/11/21 04:55 AM |
| 67 | Help me out of this spiralIf you’re with someone for ten years and get a letter from them after a long period of no contact, that’s enough to stir up major feelings in anyone. No need to be catty. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/11/21 04:45 AM |
| 19 | A man disclosing his mental health/therapy habits early on is an absolute red flagI agree with this. Most Cluster Bs won’t go to therapy unless it’s feeding their ego somehow (the therapist is enabling them or feeding into their victim mentality). | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/11/21 09:57 PM |
| -3 | A man disclosing his mental health/therapy habits early on is an absolute red flagFWIW, I’m one of those therapists, and I’m married to a HVM (you’re welcome to read my posts about him — he’s amazing). | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/11/21 09:55 PM |
| 1 | What do you think about a man opening up and telling you he goes to therapy on the second date?Tbf it sounds like your friend was not in a great headspace to be dating at that point — if someone is borderline suicidal they’re not in “good working order” for a healthy relationship. I do hope she’s doing better these days. Sometimes though, we just need some help coping with life — it gets a bit overwhelming and we need a place to get our thoughts straight and that doesn’t mean anything is wrong with us or that we should be slapped with a diagnosis. Quite the opposite, IMO: good for us for … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/11/21 09:30 PM |
| 3 | What do you think about a man opening up and telling you he goes to therapy on the second date?Good points, and I agree that using an abundance of caution is probably the right approach. My thought is, though: most people are struggling right now because times are just hard, and personally I’d rather date someone who was proactively managing their mental health. Men are notoriously prideful about seeking out support, so in some cases I’d consider it a positive that he was able to acknowledge that, as long as he didn’t go super in-depth and maintained boundaries around the information he s… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/11/21 08:54 PM |
| 6 | The result of narcissism, stupidity, money, and pickme enabling. Though I wouldn't let a man who looks like a scrotum near my 😽 with a 50 ft pole.So women are supposed to be sexually adventurous, take it up the ass, roleplay rape scenes, wear costumes, get tied up, choked, gagged, slapped, etc., and do all sorts of depraved shit to keep a man -- but this scrote refuses to go down on even ONE vagina? What a wimp. If a man is that skeeved out by lady parts, he has no business being in close proximity to them. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/11/21 06:58 PM |
| 25 | Taylor Swifts - All Too Well (short film)I interpreted it as: young girl is taken advantage of by older scrote, young girl is gaslighted and has her heart broken, young girl is hurt by the experience but moves on and goes on to be successful in the wake of the experience, old scrote notices the success but is now outside of it. That's extremely powerful because it shows how growth can come from trauma and how we can eventually free ourselves from our aggressors' control. We likely won't forget what they put us through, but over time we… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/11/21 04:42 PM |
| 25 | Another stage of the vetting process- are they there for you in times of grief?This is some bare 👏 minimum 👏 shit | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/11/21 03:10 PM |
| 178 | One of the biggest lies sold to women is the importance of upholding the relationship at any cost“Love conquers all.” “With enough effort, any relationship can work.” “No problem is insurmountable if the feelings are strong enough.” “Material problems like finances, hygiene, manners, etc., are trivial and/or workable.” | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/11/21 10:46 PM |
| 10 | Ashnikko and her songs: are Gen-Z ladies finally getting fed up?Disappointing, but I guess not surprising. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/11/21 11:58 PM |
| 20 | Ashnikko and her songs: are Gen-Z ladies finally getting fed up?But then Ashnikko comes out with songs like Little Boy that have a super strong FDS message. She’s not necessarily a bastion of radical feminism but I’m not sure it’s fair to label her a bona fide Pickme™️ either. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/11/21 07:59 PM |
| 58 | Ashnikko and her songs: are Gen-Z ladies finally getting fed up?But for me it begs the question: what is female sexuality that is strong and doesn’t cater to the male gaze, but is expressed openly and in an unrepressed and healthy way? I can’t think of any good examples of this. We shouldn’t have to wear turtlenecks to earn respect but twerking our way to the other end of the spectrum doesn’t seem right either. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/11/21 07:28 PM |
| 69 | Ashnikko and her songs: are Gen-Z ladies finally getting fed up?Absolutely. Sex sells and I’m sure they don’t get much if any autonomy until they’re at the very top. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/11/21 07:10 PM |
| 164 | Ashnikko and her songs: are Gen-Z ladies finally getting fed up?I wonder about this too and get confused about it. I really like Ashnikko and some of the other female artists out right now like Megan Thee Stallion and Cardi, but they give off such mixed messages — on the one hand they take no shit, but on the other hand they’re twerking and rapping about how great they f*ck like that’s the only thing that matters. It’s like…as empowered women we should be able to enjoy sex and feel in control of our sex lives — most of us have felt taken advantage of sexuall… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/11/21 06:24 PM |
| 6 | Will porn make men sexually incompatible with women?I’ve known a few men who did that. They ended up alone because eventually no younger women wanted them. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 04/11/21 09:26 PM |
| 51 | This is part of the reason I will never date a "car bro". He proposed by doing a dangerous stunt in his $500 car with a rockless ring that costs less than his scrap metal on wheels. I'd be embarrassed to even post about it.My HV husband is excellent with cars and I find it really attractive. He’s super knowledgeable and isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty. He also does almost all of my mom’s car work for her for free, which means the world to me. I definitely think it’s a positive. That said, I can’t see him doing donuts in a parking lot under any circumstances, much less to propose 😂 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/11/21 08:29 PM |
| 5 | Will porn make men sexually incompatible with women?I don’t think I’d have too much trouble finding a man who can meet my needs (I have actually — happily married) but it’s a bit harder to find a real-life fantasy unless there’s a transaction involved. If you’re content with porn, you do you, but it doesn’t seem like a super healthy replacement for adult sexual relationships. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 04/11/21 07:57 PM |
| 6 | Will porn make men sexually incompatible with women?Well, I work out and I’m in good shape, but I’m in my mid 30s and I haven’t had any plastic surgery, so I def don’t look like a teenage porn star — I’ll give you that. If he’d rather have a fantasy, he’s welcome to replace me with that, but then we’re kind of back at square one, aren’t we? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 04/11/21 06:14 PM |
| 10 | Will porn make men sexually incompatible with women?I’m not asking my man to be an insatiable porn star though. There’s a bit of a disconnect there. I can’t speak for every woman but my general expectations are: play with the clit, don’t skimp on foreplay, let me get off before you do so we can both finish. If a man can’t get it up because he watches a lot of porn and he’s fantasizing about fucking a tight 18 year old up the ass—-and meanwhile I’m naked and ready and willing in front of him—-yeah, that’s kind of on him. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 04/11/21 05:55 PM |
| 27 | Happy for Britney Spears for getting her freedom.Haven’t seen anything about her boyfriend really — what makes him seem NV? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/11/21 05:40 PM |
| 11 | Will porn make men sexually incompatible with women?Blaming ourselves for what, exactly? Failing to get your dick hard? Not agreeing to what you want in bed? What do you think we should be holding ourselves accountable for here? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 04/11/21 03:52 PM |
| 4 | Chris Pratt is at it again.Sir why can you not clip your own damn toenails!! Or pay for a goddamn pedicure!! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/11/21 05:16 PM |
| 4 | Chris Pratt is at it again.I went back and compared this to the way my HV husband posted about me on our anniversary. The difference is stark: “[] years ago today I married the most amazing person to cross my path. It was simultaneously the most exciting and exhilarating moment, joining together to share the rest of our lives. I am so honored to stand by her side, through thick and thin. I love her, and I love the life we are building together.” | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/11/21 05:14 PM |
| 222 | FDS IS OFFICIALLY 200K STRONG!! 🥳🥳🥳🥳It was 100k when I first joined and it has delighted me to see that number grow a little each day. So happy the word is spreading. This sub is literally saving women from emotional and physical abuse. By all means, scrotes of Reddit, keep raging about us so female Redditors can check us out and draw their own conclusions 😂 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/11/21 04:59 PM |
| 649 | Prime example that having money does not automatically make you a HVM! Beware of ‘godly men’ queens.Everything he wrote is about what she gives to him and how much she helps him. He defined her in terms of him. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/11/21 11:43 AM |
| 4 | Do you think high n count women shouldn't be shamed and looked down on by men, and if so, why?If you’re uncomfortable with my n count, you’re welcome to not sleep with me. I promise it won’t make a lick of difference to me. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 02/11/21 05:05 PM |
| 2 | Only women can stop themselves from becoming “forever girlfriends.” Men do NOT have to be upfront about their long term plans with women and it serves them better NOT to beThat’s not the reasoning I’m familiar with. The reasons I’ve heard for not sleeping with someone too early are: 1.) It’s dangerous. It exposes you to not only STDs and pregnancy, but also you’re alone with someone who could potentially hurt you. You need to be able to trust that person enough to spend time alone with them in the dark in a vulnerable state. 2.) There are emotional ramifications of sleeping with someone; it is easy to attach meaning to sex, and this makes you more easy to manipula… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 02/11/21 04:26 PM |
| 165 | Did you guys see the house wife unpopular opinion post on front page?TIL I’m brainwashed and people feel sad for me because I’ve fallen under the FDS influence. I want to defend myself but I’m confused — can someone please remind me what I’m supposed to believe again? /s | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/11/21 08:53 PM |
| 2 | Only women can stop themselves from becoming “forever girlfriends.” Men do NOT have to be upfront about their long term plans with women and it serves them better NOT to beI actually just asked my husband about this — I was curious about his thoughts (as a guy whom I obviously consider HV). He confirmed that yes, most men think about it going into a relationship, and said that most of the time it’s coming from a place of insecurity: “She’s comparing me to every other partner she’s ever had before and that’s so much to live up to!” But he said that he had to find a level of confidence in knowing he was doing everything he could to please me (and his partners before… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 01/11/21 06:34 PM |
| 9 | Only women can stop themselves from becoming “forever girlfriends.” Men do NOT have to be upfront about their long term plans with women and it serves them better NOT to beNo, research actually shows it is men’s fault the vast majority of the time. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 01/11/21 06:04 PM |
| 5 | Only women can stop themselves from becoming “forever girlfriends.” Men do NOT have to be upfront about their long term plans with women and it serves them better NOT to beMen on Reddit are so strange. “Women must be super sex-positive and open to porn and into kinky shit and great at giving head and love anal, but also if she has a high body count that’s a strike against her and I will secretly wonder and ruminate about this with every woman I date.” | /r/PurplePillDebate | 01/11/21 05:44 PM |
| 1 | Only women can stop themselves from becoming “forever girlfriends.” Men do NOT have to be upfront about their long term plans with women and it serves them better NOT to beLol I’m married | /r/PurplePillDebate | 01/11/21 05:42 PM |
| 1 | Only women can stop themselves from becoming “forever girlfriends.” Men do NOT have to be upfront about their long term plans with women and it serves them better NOT to be…Have you ever been in a serious relationship, dude? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 01/11/21 05:23 PM |
| 3 | Only women can stop themselves from becoming “forever girlfriends.” Men do NOT have to be upfront about their long term plans with women and it serves them better NOT to beWait, are there adult men out there who actually ask women this question? And care? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 01/11/21 05:17 PM |
| 5 | Only women can stop themselves from becoming “forever girlfriends.” Men do NOT have to be upfront about their long term plans with women and it serves them better NOT to beIt’s reasonable after a period of established dating to have a degree of trust in your partner and to discuss each other’s intentions honestly and evaluate if you’re on the same page. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 01/11/21 05:05 PM |
| 68 | Only women can stop themselves from becoming “forever girlfriends.” Men do NOT have to be upfront about their long term plans with women and it serves them better NOT to beThis is the kind of toxic thinking that gives subreddits like FDS a reason to exist. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 01/11/21 04:37 PM |
| 2 | Pros and Cons of a Traditional girl vs a Modern girlLike women neatly fit into one of two categories. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 01/11/21 04:31 PM |
| 74 | Huma Abedin on overcoming Anthony Weiner's betrayals — a high-profile LVM. So sad how Huma takes on a lot of responsibility for his actions.And to affect someone as important and influential as Huma Abedin — he singlehandedly dragged her career down and could have completely destroyed it. It really shows how LVM can destroy women’s lives in huge and irreparable ways, and it can happen to any woman no matter how smart she is. That’s why it’s so important that we learn how to protect ourselves and teach other women to do the same. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/11/21 01:52 PM |
| 4 | Do you think FDS has a fair assessment about bald men?Odd, I can’t find any credible research on how women feel about bald men (much less about men with receding hairlines). The articles I found were from sites likes skullshaver.au and primandprep.com. Maybe you can enlighten me with your more refined google skills? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 31/10/21 02:06 PM |
| 3 | Do you think FDS has a fair assessment about bald men?Can we see said data? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 31/10/21 01:49 PM |
| 58 | Role of a therapistI’m happy to share whatever I know, but of course with the disclaimer that it varies so much from person to person — not everyone is ready to hear certain things (see: pickmes) and not everyone benefits from the same approach. It’s also so dependent on context — some women know they’re in bad situations but justify it to themselves because children are involved, there are financial issues, etc. So it’s impossible to give cut-and-dry answers. That said, if a woman came into my office and describe… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/10/21 03:32 PM |
| 174 | Role of a therapistI’m a therapist. This is a controversial question within the therapy world and it varies from therapist to therapist. Some strongly take the position that clients need to come to their own conclusions and that we are not in the business of telling people how to live their lives — I generally subscribe to that for most situations. However, when someone is in a situation where they are actively experiencing psychological harm — they are being manipulated and have lost all clarity — I do think ther… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/10/21 03:08 PM |
| 7 | When you can’t handle rejection. Wait until the endI think it’s a puppy! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/10/21 06:08 PM |
| 21 | When you can’t handle rejection. Wait until the endThis looks like a 2013-2015 Chevy Malibu, which has a “steel body-frame integral with front and rear crumple zones; galvanized steel front fenders, hood, and door panels”. (https://media.chevrolet.com/media/us/en/chevrolet/vehicles/malibu/2013.tab1.html) Angry men are scary, but this is 100% fake. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/10/21 05:55 PM |
| 73 | When you can’t handle rejection. Wait until the endThis is legit scary, and I’ve had men react aggressively upon rejection too, but I am almost positive this video is fake. There’s no way a shopping cart caused that kind of damage. Edit: those doors are made of galvanized steel y’all | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/10/21 04:15 PM |
| 99 | I wouldn't touch that guy with a ten foot stick after he pulled this kind of shit. He agrees to pay first date if she pays for the next, she ends up being footed with a bill 4x what he paid.I thought that was super sad — instead of thinking “Wow, what a devious asshole”, she thought “Gee, I must be a dumbass and he must be really smart, I guess I deserved that”. Wtf. Why are girls brought up to think this way? Why do we turn these situations back in on ourselves? Why do guys get out looking like brilliant heroes no matter how abhorrent their behavior is, and girls walk away feeling diminished? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/10/21 10:36 PM |
| 628 | I wouldn't touch that guy with a ten foot stick after he pulled this kind of shit. He agrees to pay first date if she pays for the next, she ends up being footed with a bill 4x what he paid.I feel like this is such a prime example of how women are socialized to be passive: just accept a huge bill without protest and stay silent even while being openly manipulated because otherwise you’ll seem too assertive and then you might not be as likable and you won’t get picked. These patterns don’t form in a vacuum, y’all. This is straight-up social conditioning and it is everywhere. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/10/21 03:59 PM |
| 12 | I need help out of this headspace.Men like this are incapable of healthy relationships. He’ll put up a facade on social media that they’re soooo happy and that their wedding was beautiful, etc etc. Probably some of this is an ongoing ploy to fuck with your head, especially since they stole your ideas! Stay clear though, so you don’t give him that power and let him take up precious real estate in your mind. It’s all rather extreme and pathetic if you think about it. But he will likely find himself alone in the end, unless some po… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/10/21 12:57 AM |
| 106 | Pornsick scrote can't be asked a normal question without turning it sexual...this was our first conversation 😒 Have I discovered a new vetting question??Definitely shit testing and pushing your boundaries to see if you’d easily engage. Thank you next! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/10/21 09:00 PM |
| 261 | Men who only pursue you romantically after your “glow up”This all the way. That’s what we’d expect of a guy, right? Being thin or heavy doesn’t make or break a HVM; it’s how he treats you, his confidence, his work ethic, his values, etc. If he’s depressed, video game addicted, not exercising, not taking care of himself, that’s not HV and that’s not someone who’s in “good working order” for a relationship. Women go through stuff like this too — there are times when we need to get our shit together: get our physical and mental health in order, get some … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/10/21 04:47 PM |
| 12 | What would you consider going above and beyond?Oh no, apologies for the confusion. I was making a comment in response to the other user saying that expecting someone to visit you in the ER after the first date should be a bare minimum standard, and if he doesn’t then you’re compromising your standards. I get where she’s coming from, but I’d argue that’s not necessarily true — personally I’d be a bit worried if he visited me more than once, if at all, because it would come across as lovebomby. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/10/21 03:43 PM |
| 14 | What would you consider going above and beyond?Could also be argued that visiting her in the ER shortly after meeting is lovebombing, since she’s in a vulnerable position and he gets to appear virtuous. Just sort of depends. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/10/21 03:33 PM |
| 217 | What would you consider going above and beyond?My husband themed our first date around something that we have in common. Without going into too much detail, the first part was an activity we both enjoy, followed by dinner, followed by dessert at a specific place, and then coffee after. He had everything ready ahead of time and clearly put a lot of thought and effort into planning. Every year for Christmas, my exes had gotten me super generic presents like massage gift cards (which I mean, massages are fine, but talk about low effort). Our fi… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/10/21 03:17 PM |
| 1 | Why do a lot of you talk badly about men, even though you have a loving boyfriend/husband at the moment?If I've already found it in myself, why wouldn't I be looking for it in others? I'm not going to be looking for partners with worse ego-strength than my own. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 20/10/21 07:25 PM |
| 1 | Why do a lot of you talk badly about men, even though you have a loving boyfriend/husband at the moment?That's a good example of getting defensive/confrontational i.e., something I would've ruled out in date #1. Someone with strong ego-strength would've attempted to learn something from what I wrote, considered it in their own dating strategy, and thought about how they could use it for their own self-improvement. Instead, you turned around and attacked me. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 20/10/21 07:21 PM |
| 1 | Another FDS vs TRP postI haven't read anything on FDS that encourages women to spend a lot of money on getting ready for dates. If you look at the handbook, it seems like the opposite is actually true. This is going down a bit of a rabbithole that I'm not prepared to go down in the middle of the work day, but needless to say it's a nuanced topic. It's true that some men would accept a lower degree of preparation by a woman whom they take on a date, but it's also true that there is a tremendous amount of societal press… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 20/10/21 06:44 PM |
| 1 | Another FDS vs TRP postSo, firstly, I think you’re underestimating the amount of effort that most women put into dating lol. The expenses of clothing, hair, makeup, nails, etc. It’s hundreds of dollars and hours of time. So yes, I don’t think an expensive dinner is an unreasonable ask. And more importantly, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect a man who’s interested in you to show a considerable upfront effort. If you’ve put a lot of work into yourself — not just in terms of appearance but also emotional work — t… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 20/10/21 04:13 PM |
| 1 | Another FDS vs TRP postDepends how you define “giving”. Did I split the bill with him on the first date? No, but I put significant time and energy into looking nice and getting ready, and I covered other dates later on as we became more established. Did I sleep with him right away? No, because I’d made that mistake before and it just led to getting hurt. I treated him respectfully but with healthy boundaries. I was kind and respectful on our dates, and I’d show appreciation in small gestures like picking up the tip or… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 20/10/21 03:56 PM |
| 1 | Another FDS vs TRP postIt took me about six months of getting to know my husband before I decided whether I wanted to date him. In the meantime he was obviously deciding the same thing about me and had the freedom to walk away if he wasn’t interested. But he was very kind and engaged, took me to a few nice places as well as on some casual dates during that time, and seemed genuinely invested in getting to know me. One dinner certainly isn’t enough to gauge anything, but it made a good impression and showed me off the … | /r/PurplePillDebate | 20/10/21 03:43 PM |
| 3 | Another FDS vs TRP postLook, I 100% agree with you that women should not have to have their behavior dictated by the actions of a few toxic men. But then we should be able to walk alone at night, leave drinks unattended, wear whatever clothes we want, etc. I wish we lived in a world where every man behaved himself and we didn’t have to protect ourselves from the abundance of assholes who ruin it for everyone, but we do. Vetting strategies like a nice dinner aren’t in place to take advantage of poor unsuspecting sucker… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 20/10/21 01:33 PM |
| 2 | Why do a lot of you talk badly about men, even though you have a loving boyfriend/husband at the moment?Lol. I’m not sure what forums you’ve been reading, and I’m happy to show you my credentials if you want, but what you wrote above is complete bullshit. The psych term for confidence is “ego-strength” and it hugely dictates behavior in relationships and dating. When ego-strength is low, we become hyper-sensitive and go into denial about our issues. We’re less able to acknowledge our faults and we get further removed from our feelings. This leads to cycles where we never improve; if you can’t ackn… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 20/10/21 01:23 PM |
| 1 | Why do a lot of you talk badly about men, even though you have a loving boyfriend/husband at the moment?To my knowledge he’s never had an issue finding partners? He’s good looking, confident, has a good job, etc. That seems like a strange assumption to make — that guys like my husband (married men?) must have gotten very little interest from women? Wouldn’t the opposite have been true? Maybe I’m just not following your line of thought. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 20/10/21 04:17 AM |
| 2 | Why do a lot of you talk badly about men, even though you have a loving boyfriend/husband at the moment?I don’t understand what you’re asking. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 20/10/21 03:43 AM |
| 3 | Another FDS vs TRP postMany women are socialized to be incredibly giving and selfless, and put other people’s needs before their own. That’s how many women end up getting taken advantage of. By asserting needs, standards, and boundaries, the point isn’t to be selfish: it’s to bring the relationship dynamic into balance and prevent the woman from getting used. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 20/10/21 03:42 AM |
| – | Why do a lot of you talk badly about men, even though you have a loving boyfriend/husband at the moment?Enh you know, I am a bit bitter about the way I was treated. I can acknowledge that. I was abused for years and yeah, that affected my viewpoint, as age and experience tends to do. I don’t think it’s unrealistic; on the contrary I think it’s much more grounded in reality than it was when I was 20. I exercise 90% more caution now than I used to — now I give trust to men (and women too for that matter) tentatively, and develop it slowly and appropriately with healthy boundaries. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 20/10/21 12:26 AM |
| – | Why do a lot of you talk badly about men, even though you have a loving boyfriend/husband at the moment?Your comment makes me think you don’t believe in healthy relationships at all, which makes me sad for you. They are possible, I promise, and they are wonderful. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 20/10/21 12:16 AM |
| – | Why do a lot of you talk badly about men, even though you have a loving boyfriend/husband at the moment?Women need game to protect themselves. Men need game to get laid. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 20/10/21 12:05 AM |
| – | Why do a lot of you talk badly about men, even though you have a loving boyfriend/husband at the moment?We can safely and freely air our bad experiences with each other for literally the first times in most of our lives. We can share our cautionary tales and warn other women so they don’t have to get hurt the way we did. So yes it is a place to share bad experiences, and those experiences should be shared because it’s trauma that could have been avoided. If you look through my profile you’ll see positive things I’ve posted about my husband and other women gushing over it — they want to hear about … | /r/PurplePillDebate | 19/10/21 11:48 PM |
| – | Why do a lot of you talk badly about men, even though you have a loving boyfriend/husband at the moment?My husband, father in law, brother, and brother in law are some of the best men I know. I love them dearly and would never group them in with men I rant about on FDS. I, and I think most women on FDS, have several wonderful men in their lives whom they trust and love. That said, the first time I found that subreddit and read about some of those other women’s experiences, it was like it could’ve been from my own diary. There are these uncanny, disturbing patterns of behavior that emerge among cer… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 19/10/21 10:51 PM |
| 3 | Another FDS vs TRP postThere are quite a few happily partnered women on FDS (myself included). I like FDS because it helps me process and share some of the traumatizing experiences I’ve had with abusive relationships throughout my life, and talk about how I eventually found a healthy relationship. I don’t hate men — my husband is my favorite person in the world — but I’ll admit I hold a lot of anger toward the treatment I received in the past. I am certainly not as trusting as I used to be. I exercise much more cautio… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 19/10/21 10:37 PM |
| 1 | Another FDS vs TRP postMost men in the US are earning 38k or less in the US lol. Most men can’t support themselves either. Meanwhile the majority of current college students are women so it’ll be interesting to see how the demographics change in the next few years. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 19/10/21 10:22 PM |
| 1 | Another FDS vs TRP postKinda sounds like a “you” thing | /r/PurplePillDebate | 19/10/21 10:18 PM |
| – | Why do a lot of you talk badly about men, even though you have a loving boyfriend/husband at the moment?I love my husband because he is antithetical to the trauma I’ve experienced in my past. He is the combo breaker. I am traumatized—literal PTSD—from men I’ve interacted with in my past, and I continue to see abhorrent behavior from men in almost every spectrum of my life. I am vocal about it in hopes of protecting other women who were like me. I want them to know that men like my husband do exist, and that healthy relationships are attainable. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 19/10/21 10:06 PM |
| 8 | Relationships and effortPlease let me know if it holds up to FDS principles! At the time, reading it was oddly therapeutic coming out of an abusive relationship. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/10/21 12:46 PM |
| 35 | A List of LovebombsUnfortunately each one of these come from personal experience. I swear they all read the same playbook. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/10/21 02:14 AM |
| 115 | A List of LovebombsFor some of my exes, especially the older ones, the parents were so desperate for their sons to be partnered that they embraced me with open arms on like Day 2. I think it was validating to them that their son got an actual real-life girlfriend who had a job and took care of herself and wasn't like a drug addict or anything. I think they knew deep-down that their son was a hot mess and they wanted him see him engaging in normal activities, like being in a relationship. That took the heat off the… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/10/21 12:06 AM |
| 246 | A List of LovebombsCommented earlier but I also wanted to add: The reason women are susceptible to lovebombing, and the reason men frequently use it as a strategy, is because of course we want to feel special to someone, and of course we want to feel like we came in and made a profound difference in someone’s life. We want to be seen as incredible and irresistible, the kind of person you could fall in love with instantly. (Thanks Disney movies and society and the patriarchy and capitalism and daddy issues and ever… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/10/21 10:46 PM |
| 255 | A List of Lovebombs“This is how many children I want to have, their names, and their precise age differences.” “I feel like I can be so open with you, like I can just tell you every detail of my trauma…” (proceeds to) “Here’s a [song | book | movie] from my childhood that’s really special to me. I’ve never shared it with anyone before but I know you’ll get it.” “Today I talked to my therapist about you. I told them how amazing you are and how much of a connection we have…” “I was in such a dark place before but th… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/10/21 10:24 PM |
| 106 | Maid on Netflix - Breakdown and analyses of key ideas around women's experiences who flee DV - and how this related to FDSThis was such an important show for highlighting emotional abuse. Sean never lays a hand on her but he strips away her identity and controls every aspect of her life, turning her into a shell of a person. How do you explain that to someone else? How do you try to defend yourself when you’re already so beaten down? And I also appreciate that they occasionally showed positive moments with Sean — he stood up for her and made her feel supported when she was vulnerable and upset. It’s a good example … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/10/21 03:00 AM |
| 49 | Can we talk about loneliness?Yes! Things I do while lonely: journal, go to the gym, watch a movie, play with my cats, go for a drive, call my mom, etc. Things I don’t do while lonely: seethe with resentment, wish violence upon others, ruminate about sex, watch increasingly depraved porn, learn manipulation strategies, obsess about how to get laid… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/10/21 01:30 PM |
| 157 | ladies whats some red flags that tell you a man is low key sexist?“Females” | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/10/21 04:52 PM |
| 33 | Who do you think is a High Value Woman TV female character?If we pretend season 8 never happened, I think Daenerys fits the definition of a HVW. She was incredibly strong in the face of adversity. She had integrity. She was intelligent and used good judgment. She didn’t let men push her around. She surrounded herself with smart and helpful people. So sad what they did to her character at the end though. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/10/21 01:37 PM |
| 24 | Don't let a man colonize your life if he doesn't respect its value AND add to it.I’m sorry this happened to you. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/10/21 04:47 AM |
| 73 | Ladies: have you ever had a successful walk, coffee, or drink date with a HVM?I was never worried about it because throughout the whole “courtship” he seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me. He also never really downgraded — we’d still go nice places sometimes, but sometimes we’d just get ice cream and hang out on a bench. There was a balance and it became more natural as we got to know each other more. We’ve been together 3.5 years now and he still takes me on dates: earlier this week he took me out to dinner at a new place just because he thought I’d like the… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/10/21 12:02 AM |
| 105 | Ladies: have you ever had a successful walk, coffee, or drink date with a HVM?Not as a first date, but my now-husband took me out for hot chocolate on our ~3rd date. We hung out and people-watched and chatted, which was really fun and a good way to get to know each other. He went all out on our first date though. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/10/21 11:44 PM |
| 20 | Remember the ex you wanted to marry? Let’s all laugh togetherHe once presented me with an Aubrey Hepburn print from IKEA — like it had “IKEA” and a barcode on the back of it — and said he made it for me. When I was like “…no you didn’t” he got super defensive. Never did admit to it. What’s sad is he was actually a pretty talented artist in terms of drawing ability, but he stole almost every idea he had. Sometimes he just straight-up used designs he got off DeviantArt. He got caught at school and they gave him a serious warning. Did it a second time and th… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/10/21 12:58 PM |
| 498 | Remember the ex you wanted to marry? Let’s all laugh togetherHow to pick just one! Let’s go with: Guy I dated for 5.5 years Flunked out of art school for plagiarism Wealthy parents who gave him an allowance (at age 25!) Smoked weed all day, constantly Lied for several months about having a job and gaslit me when I caught on Instead he played video games all day while I was working and going to school full-time Didn’t know how to wash a dish or do laundry when I met him Criticized me for not getting more exercise, not having more friends, not having more h… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/10/21 01:00 PM |
| 97 | Conservative men can be so misogynistic that I can no longer tell the difference between reality and satire.I live with my parents and they have a lot of dogs to make up for raising a disappointing son. 💀💀💀 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/10/21 07:43 PM |
| 26 | This is what happens when sex workers demand respect. It’s almost like selling your body teaches men you are an object to be used! Who woulda thought!?Definitely not a sex worker. Just a girl having fun with some goofy costumes. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/10/21 06:34 PM |
| 41 | This is what happens when sex workers demand respect. It’s almost like selling your body teaches men you are an object to be used! Who woulda thought!?Her costume choices include such sexy characters as Lord Farquad from Shrek and the Crimson Chin from The Fairly Odd-Parents. No wonder that guy couldn’t contain himself. /s | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/10/21 06:28 PM |
| 24 | Queens, how do you maintain being an HVW friend when your friends are being pick-me’s?I tried intervening as gently as possible with one of my pickme friends, but I might as well have been talking to a wall. She’s been going back and forth with her NVX and keeps getting hurt by his ongoing shitty behavior surprised pikachu. I’ve had to mentally disconnect myself from the situation because I found myself feeling hurt and offended that she ignored my advice, when in actuality this has nothing to do with me. The choices she makes are entirely her own. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/10/21 04:04 PM |
| 8 | MYTH: Marriage is NOT hard. The media should stop glamorizing their abusive relationship.My husband doesn’t currently volunteer in an official capacity, but within our hobby he’s a mentor for a few new folks and spends a lot of time helping them get established and making sure they’re having fun. He also does a lot of work for friends and family — fixing cars, doing yard work and small jobs around the house, etc. He’s a very helpful and giving person. I think volunteering is probably a great way to meet a HVM. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/10/21 01:35 PM |
| 75 | MYTH: Marriage is NOT hard. The media should stop glamorizing their abusive relationship.Unfortunately I don't have a secret recipe, but I will say I found him after I made a concerted effort to stop wasting time on losers and scrotes. We share a hobby, and my husband really took the time to get to know me through it. He never made me feel rushed or disposable, like if I didn't put out instantly then I wasn't worth being around. He put a lot of effort into our first date -- it was a 3-part date themed around things we had in common. If I'd been caught up with douchebags, I wouldn't … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/10/21 10:22 PM |
| 35 | I’d show you the comment I was responding to, but he deleted it. Called out a misogynist and he wrote an essay in response.Yeah I'm honestly so confused by that? I grew up in the 90s and can't think of anything particularly manly about the men of that era. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/10/21 07:06 PM |
| 231 | MYTH: Marriage is NOT hard. The media should stop glamorizing their abusive relationship.Marriage with my HV husband has made my life so much easier. I have a sidekick, support system, and best friend with me all the time. If I'm having a rough time, he'll pick up the slack, and vice versa. It's so nice knowing he's there at the end of the day, and we can curl up and relax together and just enjoy each other's company. I don't have to walk on eggshells; I am totally comfortable being myself around him. There's no drama. It's awesome having that level of security. Other areas of my li… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/10/21 07:03 PM |
| 62 | I’d show you the comment I was responding to, but he deleted it. Called out a misogynist and he wrote an essay in response.Lol thank you. My hair is brown and always has been (except for when I tried red highlights in the early 2000s…never again). | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/10/21 04:31 PM |
| 120 | I’d show you the comment I was responding to, but he deleted it. Called out a misogynist and he wrote an essay in response.Also wondering if anyone can explain why he called me “purple hair”? Is that just like, a generalized jab at “wokies”? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/10/21 04:06 PM |
| 372 | Queens, we have angered reddit again...😂 The comments are really nice.I love when people make these posts and they get big: more exposure for FDS -> more women curious about what it is and what’s so awful about it -> more women instead finding validation and a supportive community. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/10/21 03:47 PM |
| 20 | I turn 24 today.Happy birthday!! 24 was one of the best years of my life. I was coming into myself and feeling much more confident — until about a year later when I dated a NVM who ripped my self-esteem to shreds. Don’t let that happen to you. You’re young and smart and have the world going for you. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/10/21 12:27 PM |
| 83 | Traits and tenets of high-value women100%. Just like with HVM: we can’t expect perfection, but we can expect healthy priorities and continuous effort. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/09/21 07:47 PM |
| 186 | Perfect example of a lovebomb - Dr WendyLmao right? The guys who lovebombed me were trying to woo me with poems and shit. Meanwhile this lady is out here getting thousand dollar watches. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/09/21 05:41 PM |
| 548 | I think all women should have height requirements actually. 😌I used to not care about height either — like genuinely, it didn’t phase me at all. Then I dated two short guys (5’3” and 5’5”, respectively) who were massively insecure about their height and they made it a huge issue. Also, they both cheated on me and were both generally shitty boyfriends. I’m sure there are some shorter guys out there who are decent, but the two weirdos I dated put me off short men entirely. It wasn’t the height itself that repelled me; it was their toxic insecurity. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/09/21 12:01 PM |
| 70 | Don't ever get trappedAbsolutely. Even if things are amazing, always have an exit plan. Very happily married now, but I still keep my savings account private and full. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/09/21 07:36 PM |
| 10 | Of course Bill Cosby supports R. Kelly and hopes for a successful appeal. Predators will stick together to insist they are being wronged when they’ve traumatized dozens or hundreds of women. Who’s surprised?Amen 🙏 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/09/21 07:27 PM |
| 63 | Channeling this energy today.My tolerance for pickmes has gone down so much. They’re not ready or open to the idea that they’re being played. It’s just exhausting trying to convince them otherwise when the facts are smacking them in the face. Tbf when I was younger I probably wouldn’t have been able to hear that either but at this point I just don’t want to be around it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/09/21 06:48 PM |
| 361 | Don't ever get trappedI have a Masters degree and full-time job, and I still almost got stuck. Signed a lease on a place I couldn’t afford by myself and was afraid to end an abusive relationship because I’d go broke just trying to pay the rent. I finally told my family how bad it was and they said not to worry about money, just to kick him out, change the locks, and they’d cover the difference. I am extraordinarily lucky to have a well-off family. It’s so easy to fall into a situation like that, and most women don’t … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/09/21 04:41 PM |
| 95 | Of course Bill Cosby supports R. Kelly and hopes for a successful appeal. Predators will stick together to insist they are being wronged when they’ve traumatized dozens or hundreds of women. Who’s surprised?Because in his mind, it’s “not that bad” and everyone who’s upset over R. Kelly’s behavior is just overreacting — it’s overblown in the news, people are so touchy nowadays, those women were “groupies”, etc. etc. It’s so much easier for him to blame and deflect than it is to accept that he has some accountability here too. Can’t be part of a problem if there isn’t a problem. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/09/21 03:54 PM |
| 23 | What couples counseling looks like with a NVMI'm a therapist and actually made a post about this a while ago. I fully stopped seeing couples. Just couldn't take it anymore. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/09/21 04:59 PM |
| 35 | What couples counseling looks like with a NVMI'm a therapist and I know this isn't typical but I've straight-up told couples: "I can't endorse this relationship. It's unhealthy." In one situation they'd been together six months, didn't live together, didn't have kids, and were fighting constantly. I was like "What is even the point? What led us each to this point where we thought this relationship was the best thing for us?" When I brought it up in a supervision group I was given some pushback for "not letting the clients make up their own… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/09/21 04:57 PM |
| 86 | It's 2021 why is it still on women mostly to take birth control? 79% of men think it should be a "shared responsibility" its msyogynisyic that we still have to carry the burden as womenThat's because ultimately the woman is placed with the burden if she gets pregnant. Men don't have to carry a baby or go through the physical trauma of giving birth, and they can completely skip out on fatherhood if they want to. Women understand that they'd be saddled with 99.9% of the problem. Maybe if they're lucky, he'll reliably pay child support. Maybe. So if men ultimately have very little incentive to prevent the problem because it might not even have a significant impact on their life, … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/09/21 12:34 AM |
| 57 | Care to share examples of HV behaviour from the men in your life?My husband is a HVM and I've written a couple posts about him and the types of things he does that are HV. You can read them here if you're interested: https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/nvgvkh/characteristics_of_my_hv_husband/ https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/meiqn7/im\_surprised\_when\_my\_hv\_husband\_doesnt\_respond/ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/08/21 03:58 PM |
| 16 | How did you overcome self-doubt?I used to think I couldn’t trust myself because I had ended up in very bad and traumatic situations, but what I realized is that I was manipulated into doubting myself at those times, and trusting myself is what would’ve saved me. Really needed to read this today. Thank you. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/08/21 06:05 PM |
| 1 | I Feel Like It's Going To End Bad And I Need An Advice ASAPSo first of all -- you have a crush! That's not pathetic! It's human! And it's okay to let yourself feel those feelings as long as you keep one foot on the ground and also try to stay strategic in your actions: what is in YOUR best interest here? What is going to get you ahead? What could get in your way or cause you to get hurt? You might not be able to control your feelings here, but you can control your behavior. Maybe we can make a space for thoughts like "I hope he thinks I'm pretty" and "I… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/08/21 10:50 PM |
| 349 | Gentle men are so attractive+1 for gentle men! My husband isn't afraid to talk about feelings and it doesn't make him soft: it makes him emotionally intelligent, articulate, and comfortable with himself. Men who aren't naturally confident will overcompensate with machismo and act like they just don't have feelings, when in actuality they a.) feel too vulnerable to talk about their emotions or b.) don't have enough self-awareness to identify how they're feeling. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/08/21 05:20 PM |
| 35 | Beware the “Mature Communicator”The thing is though, at the time I kind of thought: "Okay, well, I do want him to feel comfortable talking to me about anything, and maybe I shouldn't have expressed outright judgment. I don't want to make him feel bad or judged", missing the entire glaring truth that he SHOULD feel bad and judged because he's a literal predator, and redirecting my attention on to his "hurt". I think he was playing into my natural empathy and the way I try to understand someone even when it comes to odd or devia… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/08/21 10:21 PM |
| 82 | Beware the “Mature Communicator”SUCH a good observation -- thank you for making this post. I dated a guy like this. He was ~9 years older than me and used the classic "good communication" techniques: talking calmly, not raising his voice, using "I-statements", etc. But the subtext of his words was incredibly insidious. For example: He casually mentioned that, before we met, he'd matched with 18 year-old girls (he was in his late 30s) and met up with them. Having worked with teenagers throughout my career, I was completely disg… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/08/21 08:12 PM |
| 5 | After being told by men more than once that my standards were "too high", last weekend I got given the proposal and ring of my dreams by a man who meets those standards!Mine sort of looks like this and it creates a lovely contrast between the darker stone and the light ones. But the important thing is that it's special to you :) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/08/21 05:24 PM |
| 8 | After being told by men more than once that my standards were "too high", last weekend I got given the proposal and ring of my dreams by a man who meets those standards!I have a salt and pepper engagement ring as well and I just love it. It looks beautiful next to the white diamonds on my wedding ring. Congratulations and good for you for holding out and keeping your standards high!! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/08/21 05:19 PM |
| 98 | Men on Reddit hate FDS because they know they’re LVMI share FDS insights with my HV husband all the time and his reactions are just like you said: "It sucks that these are things women have to worry about." He doesn't get defensive -- why would he? LV qualities don't apply to him. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/08/21 09:44 PM |
| 241 | Yet another example of emotional abuse when girls under 20 get groomed and marry older men with significant age gaps. This husband threatens to cheat when he doesn’t get what he wants with his young wife. They have 2 kids…This poor woman is over here blaming herself for not "performing" and for having a "low sex drive" when in actuality who tf would want to have on-demand sex with their r@pist every single day?? It has nothing to do with their "mismatched libido". It makes me so sad to see women turn these situations in on themselves. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/08/21 02:22 PM |
| 3 | FDS, please share some examples of HVW you've met in your lifeShe's in tech. That's about as specific as I can get without potentially compromising her identity. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/08/21 01:42 PM |
| 30 | FDS, please share some examples of HVW you've met in your lifeI'm 34 and I still look up to her as my hero. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/07/21 09:54 PM |
| 172 | FDS, please share some examples of HVW you've met in your lifeMy big sister is a take-no-shit career woman who has taught me a lot about teaching people how you deserve to be treated. She's at the top of her career making millions, she's in great shape, she has HV friends, and she's been married to her HV husband for 12 years. Growing up, I saw her date a few different guys, but the moment they pulled something on her, she dropped them like a bad habit. She taught me a lot about being assertive and setting boundaries. She's an incredibly kind person, but s… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/07/21 05:12 PM |
| 3 | Queens Don't - Raelynn. "Every jewel on my crown you better believe I earned it; won't keep people around who don't believe I deserve it"Yeah -- awful, misogynistic song from 2014, but I'm glad she's sending healthier messages these days. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/07/21 08:31 PM |
| 23 | A HVM won’t be in contact with his exGoing against the grain here, but I disagree. I think staying in contact -- albeit LIMITED contact -- with certain, non-abusive exes is a sign of emotional intelligence. I'm still friends with one of my exes on Facebook, and while we don't really talk directly anymore, I still care about him as a person and it's nice to see what he's up to. His father died recently and I was glad I could express my condolences. He wasn't a bad person or a LVM -- I ended things because his mother was a narcissist… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/06/21 06:46 PM |
| 6 | Characteristics of my HV HusbandI agree -- those are things I'd always do for my partners without a second thought, but they were never really reciprocated before! Looking back, it makes me sad that I never felt I deserved the same amount of respect from my partner that I was giving to him. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/06/21 02:55 PM |
| 1 | Characteristics of my HV HusbandHe's a Scorpio lol | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/06/21 02:53 PM |
| 7 | Characteristics of my HV HusbandWe've honestly only gotten in maybe three big arguments since we got together three years ago. The last one was because he wanted to take on yet another major project and I felt like it wasn't realistic or practical, and that it would take away time from all of the other projects he has in his queue. It would also be fairly expensive and we're trying to plan for a family right now, so it bothered me that he'd put money into that instead of into a college fund or something. But he was very strong… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/06/21 02:45 PM |
| 56 | Characteristics of my HV HusbandLol I totally didn't mean to post a ginormous picture of Dan Savage! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/06/21 11:57 PM |
| 25 | TIL: The Left Hates Women Having Reproductive Choice with Their Whole Being. Their new tactic is to smear Sexual Selection as “TERF and Nazi propaganda” with doctored screenshots. Did You Know Not Having Sex With Men You Don’t Want To is Eugenics?My HV husband and I are talking about having kids and I requested genetic testing beforehand. Instead of being weirded out or threatened, he was fully on board because *gasp* he wants a healthy child too. FFS, LVM and their fragile egos. The notion that their sperm might be inferior is so scary, they won't even take practical considerations to make sure their future kids will be okay. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/06/21 08:06 PM |
| 2 | Pay very close attention to how he handles himself in an argumentGreat addition. And I love the term "mantrums". | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/05/21 10:15 PM |
| 9 | No, This Is Not NormalPart of the reason I got into so many bad relationships is because I didn't know it could be better. I grew up with a narcissistic father and just figured that's how I was meant to feel in any relationship dynamic. I was so jaded and tolerated abuse for years. I thought happy families/couples were just faking it and that everyone was secretly miserable because there's no way happy and healthy dynamics could be a thing. Now I'm in a marriage where it's easy and fun and relaxed. We enjoy each othe… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/05/21 04:59 PM |
| 5 | Saw this on Pinterest and thought I should share it with you all ❤️Whoa hold the f*ck up. I saw Dr. LePera for couples counseling with my NVX when I lived in Philadelphia. She didn't validate the clearly abusive behavior my ex was showing and left me feeling alone and abandoned. I'm a therapist myself and she did NOT do a good job. I actually left a comment about her a few weeks ago (without realizing it was the same person). I didn't realize she'd gotten popular in the past few years -- I saw her in ~2015. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/05/21 04:31 PM |
| 9 | Thoughts on changing your name when you get married?My HV husband never pressured me to take his name, it was totally my decision, but I wanted to because it's a way better name than mine! My maiden name is four syllables and can be hard to pronounce. His is one syllable and relatively common. It also made me almost completely invisible on Google. Changing it was a royal PITA, but I'm glad I did. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/05/21 08:48 PM |
| 13 | I'm a therapist and I can't do couples counseling anymoreI'm married to a HVM whom I'm completely in love with and very grateful for (you can see what I've written about him in my post history). I definitely don't think all men are depraved. Really, though, there's such a stark contrast between his behavior and the behaviors I've seen at work. I think the biggest difference is that my HVM husband has natural confidence and doesn't have to overcompensate. He doesn't get defensive when I raise an issue -- he approaches it with curiosity. He doesn't blam… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/04/21 01:50 PM |
| 11 | I'm a therapist and I can't do couples counseling anymoreI love that idea! In my current situation it's a bit difficult to do groups (we don't get insurance reimbursement for them) but I imagine there are ways to finagle that. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/04/21 12:01 AM |
| 15 | I'm a therapist and I can't do couples counseling anymoreJust doing individual work. I really enjoy working with adolescents. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/04/21 11:59 PM |
| 48 | I'm a therapist and I can't do couples counseling anymoreThere are so many instances of scrotedum. Some examples off the top of my head: A dad who referred to his teenaged daughter's girlfriends as "cuter in the summer", implying that they were cuter because they were wearing fewer clothes. A guy who casually said his girlfriend could be a "psycho cunt sometimes". A guy who had been beating his girlfriend and admitted that he was only in therapy because she was "making him". A college student who was frustrated because his live-in girlfriend wasn't "h… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/04/21 11:57 PM |
| 34 | I'm a therapist and I can't do couples counseling anymoreI actually had a similar experience with my own couples counselor 5-6 years ago. I was with a man who was displaying clearly abusive behavior and she didn't name it for what it was. It reinforced my feeling of being crazy and made me feel super alone. It took me almost a year after that to finally get out, and by then the damage was extensive. I look back and wish so much that she'd had my back. I don't want to be that kind of counselor. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/04/21 11:40 PM |
| 20 | I'm a therapist and I can't do couples counseling anymoreAbsolutely! I'm also happy to answer any questions via text if that would be helpful. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/04/21 11:28 PM |
| 12 | I'm a therapist and I can't do couples counseling anymoreI've read it! Great book. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/04/21 11:25 PM |
| 20 | I'm a therapist and I can't do couples counseling anymoreI'm honored to be asked, but I'm a bit worried that someone could recognize my voice. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/04/21 10:28 PM |
| 46 | I'm a therapist and I can't do couples counseling anymoreI'm a teeny bit wary that someone could recognize my voice. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/04/21 09:42 PM |
| 31 | I'm a therapist and I can't do couples counseling anymoreI've actually been asked by several clients if I practice discernment therapy, so maybe it's time to seek out some training in it! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/04/21 09:14 PM |
| 11 | I'm a therapist and I can't do couples counseling anymoreI took the same ethics classes as you (and still have to take them as CE courses every year). I'm curious about which ACA clause I'm violating. I did a quick skim through the regs just now and didn't see a problem, but if you're right and this is a violation, I'll take the post down. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/04/21 09:00 PM |
| 84 | I'm a therapist and I can't do couples counseling anymoreCongrats on finishing school soon! I definitely have gotten pushback. One couple I worked with had been together six months, didn't live together, had no kids, and the guy had posted her nudes on Pornhub and sent them to all his friends. They'd scream at each other throughout the session. I straight up told them after a while: "I can't get behind this relationship. It is so unhealthy. You're both talking about each other like you hate each other." I told a supervision group about it and they wer… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/04/21 08:41 PM |
| 167 | I'm a therapist and I can't do couples counseling anymoreThere seems like such a pervasive idea that there are two sides to the story and both sides always have equal merit. They don't. Sometimes one person has more responsibility for the failure of a relationship than the other. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/04/21 08:31 PM |
| 35 | I'm a therapist and I can't do couples counseling anymoreBeen in the field for 12 years and also supervise. It's okay. Really. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/04/21 07:31 PM |
| 58 | I'm a therapist and I can't do couples counseling anymoreAs long as I don't reveal identifying information, it's not a confidentiality breach to share vague details. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/04/21 07:30 PM |
| 28 | The only HVM in this situation is her dad"He wasn't protecting his stuff, he was protecting me." Gold star fathering right there. Glad she has at least one HV man in her life. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/04/21 10:24 PM |
| 14 | How were periods talked about when you were growing up?It's the sweetest thing ever that she took the time to write you back and reassure you!! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/04/21 02:18 AM |
| 6 | How were periods talked about when you were growing up?That is so horrible. I'm sorry all of that happened to you, but so many props for leaving it in the past and breaking the cycle (no pun intended). | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/04/21 02:16 AM |
| 6 | What's the WORST COSMO ADVICE you've ever seen on the topic of dating, sex, and relationships?I read one back in the day that said to scrape your teeth along his dick. Even back then I was like "huh..?" | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/04/21 07:21 PM |
| 85 | Jealous of a cat “woke up to him smiling at me smugly from atop my gfs tits”Psycho boyfriend or cat? Easiest decision ever. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/03/21 10:13 PM |
| 31 | Share your Red Flags on men who view women as disposable objectsI was hanging out with a guy who wanted to have sex but I wasn't feeling it and turned him down. He got whiny and said "Why not? Are you on your period or something?" No. I just don't want to have sex with your immature ass. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/03/21 09:43 PM |
| 46 | I'm surprised when my HV husband doesn't respond the way I expectI feel so lucky to be with someone who treats me with that level of respect -- but why should respect be something we're lucky to get? It should be the norm not the exception. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/03/21 06:08 PM |
| 18 | I'm surprised when my HV husband doesn't respond the way I expectIt can be different, I promise! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/03/21 09:59 PM |
| 105 | I'm surprised when my HV husband doesn't respond the way I expectI didn't know about FDS when we met, no, but I think I'd come to similar conclusions after my last bad relationship. I'm a therapist and had a tendency to feel bad for men and then put up with a lot of their crap because I felt like I needed to be compassionate toward them. After dating yet another guy with a personality disorder, I told myself to tighten up my standards and stop dating guys who needed to be "saved". My rules were: no serious mental health issues, no red flags, must be genuinely… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/03/21 09:45 PM |
| 3 | Discussion about physical & mental health intersecting with misogynyHave you been disregarded by a medical professional, and/or had your pain diminished? Yes, by a female ob/gyn actually. I came in with *severe* cramps, which I'd never gotten before, and told her something was wrong. She tried to prescribe me Prozac to "tAkE tHe EdGe OfF". I basically had to beg her to let me get an ultrasound or something, and she rolled her eyes while she did it. Turns out, my IUD had dislodged and was poking into my uterus at a weird angle. I get so angry thinking about it --… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/03/21 09:27 PM |
| 2 | Feeling a lot of regret and sadness about how little self-respect I used to haveIt helps so much, you don't even know. The idea of using my past experiences to fuel my future makes me feel so strong. I know I will never put up with that bullshit again. I'll recognize it right away for what it is and shut it right tf down. I settled for him So simple, but such an empowering thing to repeat to myself because I look back on how much I put men on a pedestal back then. I felt so inferior to them. To these NVM losers. If it weren't sad, it would be almost laughable. Thank you so … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/03/21 09:02 PM |
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