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lifelonglistener Archive

View 3 posts and 48 comments by lifelonglistener on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
47

lifelonglistener/r/RedPillWomen30/07/23 01:53 PM
24

lifelonglistener/r/RedPillWomen27/09/23 12:14 AM
8

lifelonglistener/r/RedPillWomen27/07/23 07:00 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
5

Being bossy, critical, judgmental. Combating these has been a journey. It starts with recognizing and accepting that it's a problem. Learning to STFU has been super helpful, as has consciously seeking out the good stuff to express gratitude for.
/r/RedPillWomen27/09/23 06:57 PM
20

I don't think the age diff really matters. Differences in background and perspective and philosophy and attitude and hopes and dreams matter much more. And - you can have those sorts of differences even with people who are the exact same age. I wouldn't focus much on the age difference – that's not the real source of any problems. And for what it's worth, my mom married my dad when she was 33 and he was 25, and they've had the most incredible and happy marriage these past 50 years.
/r/RedPillWomen25/09/23 06:14 PM
3

Could be that he's a bit embarrassed about his privileged background, and that he really respects people who have worked their way up and overcome long odds to build a good life. That's certainly the situation with my SO and me.
/r/RedPillWomen23/09/23 01:46 AM
4

Love this! Thanks for sharing!
/r/RedPillWomen20/09/23 06:58 PM
3

Every man will have his own boundaries about this. What I realized (after making some mistakes and being a bit too motherly in the early part of our marriage) is that it boils down to power, to be blunt. Mothers have authority over their children. That is not an acceptable dynamic for a strong man. Fussing over whether he's getting enough vegetables and insisting he doesn't know how to do his own laundry and scolding him when something doesn't go right – all of this is part of a bad mothering dy…
/r/RedPillWomen16/09/23 01:20 AM
2

I can relate to your question. I stumbled across Laura Doyle's Empowered Wife in March and it has completely transformed my relationship from conflict-ridden and competitive, to peaceful and loving. We literally haven't had a fight since then. What changed? Me. I stopped criticizing. I stopped telling him how I would do things as if he couldn't figure it out himself. I started expressing a ton of gratitude for every little thing that he does for me and us. I do use "spouse fulfilling prophecy" b…
/r/RedPillWomen13/09/23 03:07 AM
2

That's confusing, because you say you are not opening his snaps, but you also say he is ignoring you. Which one is it? In any case, I'm guessing the way to proceed is to give him space. Don't blow up his phone. But respond to him nicely if he reaches out to you.
/r/RedPillWives12/09/23 06:40 PM
3

Why do you think going silent on him will help anything? Why do you keep fighting with him? There's a big space in the middle between going silent and fighting. You can interact with him but be respectful and not engage in conflict. Even if he pushes your buttons or tries to start a fight - just don't engage in conflict. Stay calm and civil and gentle and divert the conversation back to something productive. Going silent on him sounds manipulative and disrespectful to me.
/r/RedPillWives12/09/23 06:23 PM
2

Happy for you as well! Being a Mama means everything to me!
/r/RedPillWomen10/09/23 07:47 PM
3

It's a real thing. Started trying when I was 30, became a mother through adoption when I was 35- bio-baby just wasn't in the cards. It worked out fine for me- as I've said in other posts I see real benefits in being an 'older' Mom (and I cant imagine having a more amazing daughter) but lesson is: babies don't arrive on schedule, and sometimes don't show up at all.
/r/RedPillWomen10/09/23 07:15 PM
6

I hear you. Tough situation to be in. But there's never a perfectly safe time to have a baby, and you two are already ahead of the game by being married and sensible. If I were you I would one) continue to express your pure desire to be a mother, without manipulating or trying to control. And two) maybe share one or two science based articles that clearly lay out the decrease in fertility after 30, year over year. I hope he comes around. Good luck!
/r/RedPillWives10/09/23 02:45 AM
12

The chemistry is off the charts with me and my husband, and has been since I first laid eyes on him. And honestly, the attraction and how sexy I find him has helped us through some rough patches. I do think it's really important. I also think it can grow over time. It's worth hanging in there for a while if all of the other ingredients are there. But if you don't start feeling it after a couple months, better to bow out.
/r/RedPillWomen09/09/23 02:34 PM
10

PLAN! That's on you. Plan at least monthly date nights- or twice a month, or weekly! Put the work in- it's worth it! Identify sitters you can trust. Find good restaurants to try, or fun activities. Plan the heck out if it, and make it fun/special for him. Get out of mommy-mode on those nights. Make yourself gorgeous. Be a goddess of fun and light.
/r/RedPillWomen08/09/23 08:50 PM
2

For me, not being married would take babies off the table. Way too risky. Also, I'm sure I'm in the minority here but I, my mother, and my grandmother all became mothers at 35. Loved having the freedom to travel and get my career off the ground before becoming a mother. Also, I do believe being older and more mature made me a way better mom than I would've been in my 20s. You know yourself best, but my vote is to WAIT. Focus on your relationship and your schooling.
/r/RedPillWomen06/09/23 01:23 AM
4

You sound pretty self-aware and are doing good analysis of where you might have went wrong. I'm guessing you nailed it about over sharing. There are lots of good reasons to avoid over sharing, including that it can sound like you are rushing things, it can make you seem insecure, and that you are seeking reassurance and affirmation out of the gate. I get it, because I've been prone to over sharing. Next time, fight that temptation. You are vetting HIM on those early dates. Be your best self. Let…
/r/RedPillWomen01/09/23 11:52 AM
17

I have never uttered the words "red pill" to my man. What I have told him is that I had a bit of an epiphany earlier this year when I read some books and articles that really changed my thinking (and behavior). He doesn't need a label – he's just happy at the turn in our relationship.
/r/RedPillWomen31/08/23 02:34 AM
7

Updated version is called Empowered Wife. Slightly better.
/r/RedPillWomen31/08/23 02:30 AM
7

Acknowledge, and admire. Something along the lines of "That must have been really hard. You are a really strong person to have gone through that and grown into an incredible man."
/r/RedPillWomen30/08/23 02:25 AM
11

If you are just inventing things in your head and creating conflict out of nothing, it's likely you have some issues that would be helpful to work through with a therapist. However if there are genuine red flags and he has done things to warrant your lack of faith in him, listen to those warning signals.
/r/RedPillWomen28/08/23 08:24 PM
18

Beware of overextrapolating. One example does not solidify a supposition. It does seem like you ignored some pretty obvious clues, so perhaps you are not built for male female platonic friendships - but other people might be. I also think the older and more mature you get, and the better you know yourself, the easier it is to make sure that your friendships (any friendships) are healthy.
/r/RedPillWomen26/08/23 03:12 PM
4

Capitalize on your youth to find a good mate, sure, but don't waste time being anxious about aging. I'm 50 and I've never felt more comfortable in my skin. I take really good care of myself and probably look a decade younger. But I don't compare myself to younger women – my goal is just to look better than most of the women who are exactly my age. Insecurity is unattractive – try to squelch it and appreciate yourself for the interesting little quirks and passions that make you you. That's someth…
/r/RedPillWomen25/08/23 08:57 PM
1

I just finished FW, and I'm a big Laura Doyle fan, and I don't think they give any conflicting advice. Worth engaging with both.
/r/RedPillWomen22/08/23 09:48 PM
3

My man is a little bit like this. He bristles at anything that even slightly makes him think I am "mothering" him. He's super self-sufficient. Possibly a little counter-dependent. I've learned not to push, and to respect his wishes. But we've also settled into some compromises – like although he doesn't want me cooking for him all the time, he will usually eat the meals I prepare as long as they are presented in a nonchalant, "it's here if you want it" sort of way. And as time goes on, he is mor…
/r/RedPillWomen22/08/23 09:45 PM
3

Her book the Empowered Wife, which I stumbled across in March, changed my life and saved my marriage. Sorcerous changes took place immediately!
/r/RedPillWomen21/08/23 09:37 PM
0

Feminism is not a monolith. Liberalism is not a monolith. Conservatism and traditionalism are not monoliths. We do ourselves a disservice when we engage in lazy thinking and throw wild generalizations around. Most of us want similar things. Most of us are reasonable. There are extremists in every movement. There are those who benefit by wedging us apart and inciting an "us" versus "them" mentality. Don't fall for it. That said, it is interesting to me how the folks here do seem to represent lots…
/r/RedPillWomen16/08/23 12:34 AM
13

So he'll be gone 2 nights a week. Not too bad (in fact lots of people would love a couple of nights alone). Make sure you focus on quality time when he IS home, and use those 'nights off' to take care of yourself. Be responsible for your own happiness. Meditate, exercise, bubble baths - whatever it means to take care of yourself.
/r/RedPillWomen11/08/23 11:44 PM
2

I'm almost positive it's from the incel world.
/r/RedPillWomen10/08/23 10:37 PM
16

My mother is is eight years older than my father. They've been married 53 years (a very traditional marriage- SAHM and all the rest)- and have the happiest, most loving marriage I have ever seen.
/r/RedPillWomen06/08/23 07:03 PM
10

Congratulations on the placement abroad for an entire academic year! That's fantastic and offers so much opportunity. I assume nobody will know you there, so you can view it as a fresh start. Rather than waiting around for people to befriend and include you, I recommend really exploring the local culture, identifying fun things to do, then inviting someone from your classes (who you find interesting) to join you at an event or two. Museum, concert, anything out in the real world. Do. Not. Lie. O…
/r/RedPillWomen06/08/23 03:15 AM
12

Reading this makes me sad. Are you on the men's red pill sites? I'm pretty new to all of this but I haven't seen anything like that here on red pill women and red pill wives. In any case, you've got to get that stuff out of your head. I'm a former single mom with a tattoo as well – now happily married. Do what it takes to rebuild your self-esteem. I don't care what anyone says – being a single mom and having tattoos does not make you less valuable. It's about your character, how you treat others…
/r/RedPillWomen05/08/23 01:31 AM
2

Up until I read the book I was convinced that I was a good wife and he was a crappy husband - cold and severe and mean. I don't remember what exact point in the book it was, but a lightbulb went on and I suddenly realized that I was the problem in our marriage. I had been criticizing and trying to control trying to guide, and trying to boss him around, basically. OF COURSE he was responding in a cold, severe, distant way. I immediately quit criticizing and trying to control, and I started practi…
/r/RedPillWomen04/08/23 07:36 PM
19

I dated and came close to marrying a man who I cared for deeply, who was tall and handsome and generous, who was smart and had a high income, who was kind and who my family loved. I ended it because I felt as you do – undesired. I felt hurt and ashamed when I was naked and he wouldn't even glance up. When we had sex he had to close his eyes and fantasize, who knows about what. I've never had that experience with other men – I've always felt desirable. I don't know if he had a porn addiction or j…
/r/RedPillWomen04/08/23 07:22 PM
9

I stumbled across that book in March and it provided the most astounding epiphany I've ever had, and changed my thinking and my behavior almost immediately. I had no exposure to this world before that.
/r/RedPillWomen03/08/23 01:14 AM
9

Thank you! Not only has this philosophy transformed my marriage, it saved it.
/r/RedPillWomen30/07/23 06:34 PM
6

Every situation is different, and there's lots of ways to think about this. In my view, if the woman happens to earn as much or more than the man, it would be ridiculous not to go 50-50 with the bills. He can still buy her nice gifts and pay for dinner, and hold the door, and all the rest. She can still respect him as the man of the house and treat him really well. Nothing wrong with that. Especially, as in my case, you come together as fully formed middle-aged grown-ups with decades of life and…
/r/RedPillWomen28/07/23 08:38 PM
1

We split everything 50-50.
/r/RedPillWomen28/07/23 07:48 PM
2

Thank you- yes, I'll find a good way and good time to have this discussion.
/r/RedPillWomen27/07/23 11:24 PM
2

Another good reminder – we are one unit – not separate. Thank you. It was however his decision to keep our accounts separate. Granted, I'm sure it's because he doesn't want me looking over his shoulder, questioning him, and trying to control and criticize. Which in all fairness I might have. Maybe someday we will get to a place where there is enough trust banked on both sides that we can do this.
/r/RedPillWomen27/07/23 11:22 PM
1

Thank you, I did read the Empowered Wife, which is what started me on this journey. Thank you for the reminder to stay off his paper. That last step is pretty scary…
/r/RedPillWomen27/07/23 11:16 PM
4

Thank you. This is really good advice.
/r/RedPillWomen27/07/23 08:18 PM
2

When I turned 30 it occurred to me that the 20s are an extension of adolescence. For most people, your 30s are when you move into adulthood. I say enjoy this time! My advice is to have as much fun as you can right now. Travel and do exciting adventurous things that you won't have the time or inclination for when you are married with babies! Plus, it's impossible not to meet interesting people when you travel. I've been all around Europe and other continents on my own, backpacking and staying in …
/r/RedPillWomen26/07/23 07:02 PM
5

I think that the more mature you get, the less you are buffeted by life. Young people get super excited about things and then super upset about things, to the extreme. The older I get (I'm 50), the more I can take life as it comes without reacting in extreme ways. I am more serene, calm, content-- taking in life with enjoyment and amusement but not with wild mood swings.
/r/RedPillWomen16/07/23 09:17 PM
1

You could be describing my boss! She's amazing like this as well. Unbelievably effective.
/r/RedPillWomen16/07/23 08:28 PM
19

Fairly new to RPW. Not much about my life is Trad. Have been a lefty and a feminist my whole life. I have an intense job which I love. A delightful teenage daughter. Middle aged, married for the second time two years ago. This time around I chose a very old-fashioned man. And then I wondered why our marriage was so incredibly difficult - so full of conflict. In March of this year, I was googling ways to reduce conflict and have a happier and more peaceful marriage, and came across Surrendered Wi…
/r/RedPillWomen16/07/23 08:23 PM
4

Senior manager in local government. It's a pretty intense job and I do earn more than my husband, but he's proud of me and supports me 100%. I've learned to take the boss hat off when I transition from work to home, where he is my Captain. Maybe it'd be "easier" if I had a less intense or lower paid job, but I wouldn't trade this for anything. I love what I do and it brings me enormous satisfaction and happiness.
/r/RedPillWomen11/07/23 05:58 PM
19

Strangely, I kept thinking your whole post sounded like you've been heavily influenced by toxic incel culture. They are obsessed with Looks and numbers out of 10 and revel in bitterness and anger at how unfair at all is. If that's what you've been ingesting, stop. It won't get you anywhere but an unhappy life. I'm pretty average and most of the women I know are average looking; I guarantee it's possible to find and settle down with a good man anyway- and to live a really excellent life.
/r/RedPillWomen05/07/23 11:38 PM
3

I went through a similar stage after my divorce, 13 years ago. I truly thought I was fine, but I was unconsciously locking things inside. About 18 months after the divorce things started to loosen up and spill out, and I was really shocked to realize how detached I had been. I wouldn't worry. Grief and healing proceed at their own pace. Continue to take good care of yourself and over time you will find a new equilibrium.
/r/RedPillWomen04/07/23 01:39 PM
2

Empowered Wife changed my life! I read it thinking over and over again "How does this woman understand my husband better than I do?" Second marriages for both of us, and until I read the book I wondered every day if I had made the biggest mistake of my life. After I implemented all of the recommendations, everything changed. We've had zero conflict since, and he treats me unbelievably well. Peaceful and happy. I was a very adamant feminist my whole life, and I can now see that through my power p…
/r/RedPillWomen11/05/23 11:43 PM
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