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nightdepartures1 Archive

View 7 posts and 168 comments by nightdepartures1 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

First, trust your gut. On the assumption that she's cheating or has cheated (the deceptive behaviour is a clear indicator), you need to know the truth because it will eat you up. Either way, her behaviour is not acceptable in your eyes. If it helps, I've been there -- my wife cheated 10 years ago before marriage. I went through the past 10 years suspecting something (the gut feeling) but never had a truthful answer. It wasn't until I purposely caught her in a lie that I got the truth. I would fo…
/r/askMRP06/02/16 01:21 AM
-1

Keeping distance between you and your wife, even though you are thirsty all the time, is a key element of maintaining attraction. We are familiar with the traditional dynamic: men chase, women submit. But if you stop chasing, will she chase you? Maybe for some time, but eventually it will taper off because it's not natural for them to be aggressive like us. She will inevitably baseline to something far less desired than what you want. It is your responsibility to play hard-to-get. Women hate whe…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/02/16 03:36 PM
6

emotional absence simply reminds her of the fact that you are too busy to be emotionally invested.... newcomers they may have to fake this. Nice Guys will have difficulty with this, but eventually it will become a reality. This phase of the transition is where a lot of guys become hostages. Regardless of what your intention is, emotionally withdrawing will be seen as a deliberate act against your wife because it's a stark departure from the norm. When you withdraw physically to pursue new intere…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/12/15 05:11 PM
1

Glad I was able to bother you enough to reply!
/r/MarriedRedPill04/12/15 01:03 PM
0

So says the person contributing nothing to the conversation except to call out some random out on their apparent addiction. Do you have anything better to do?
/r/MarriedRedPill04/12/15 01:02 PM
-3

There's more to lifting than squats? I wish you had told me years ago!
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/15 10:08 PM
-1

No, I don't agree. Hence my response. Lifting has all sorts of downsides. If you lift, for at least any appreciable amount of time, you'll know what I'm talking about. The point is any vice, addiction, hobby, can be perceived as unhealthy. Social media is no different. It's the wife's inability to act normally and healthy that caused issues, not the social media itself.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/15 09:08 PM
-2

Clearly both you and OP cannot recognize that the "scrolling", or social media, was not OP's wife's problem, it was her inability to process it maturely. I make no inferences, and trust me, there's no ego here. Call it reading between the lines, even though it's pretty godamn obvious the issue is OP's wife, not social media. Insert any other vice into her storyline and the issue is still her, not the vice.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/15 09:07 PM
-2

If you don't want dissenting opinion, keep the posts to your blog and disable the comments. But if you post here, you know you're going to get a mix of reactions, especially when you share a speech from your submissive wife about the downfalls of social media. Seriously, do you expect those that are analytical to just gloss over half your post? Clearly I'm hitting a nerve. I guess you were expecting a pat on the back from everyone here.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/15 08:01 PM
-1

Addicted to the "more, more, more" in a passive manner. That describes most people. What aren't you getting? You defined what scroll was in your intro - I don't think I need to quote it down here. Read your wife's letter and tell me that it couldn't be posted on some generalist website like ThoughtCatalog. If you read that, wouldn't you agree it's addressed to everyone with a Facebook account? Just because you added a caveat at the bottom of your post doesn't qualify the bullshit above it about …
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/15 07:50 PM
-3

By definition, most people are addicted to the "scroll". So yes, this was targeted at everyone. The moral high ground your wife took in her "letter" suggests that participating in social media is not living your life. That's speaking to everyone, those who are merely passive.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/15 07:38 PM
-1

Red Pill men work to be high value people. We expect the people around us to do the same. No disagreement, but what's on the table here? Why stop with social media? Are you going to sit your wife down and advise against all other forms of guilty pleasure? Phones? Sports? Television? Gossip mags? Maybe her thing is knitting and she's obsessed with it. It's a waste of time to you, but not to her. It's not different than lifting. To most, it's a waste of time. To us, it's time well spent. Don't kid…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/15 07:35 PM
0

Every question I got? Not following what you're saying...
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/15 06:06 PM
-2

No, it isn't. My wife wasn't losing her mind and yelling. Really? Go back and read what she/you wrote about her experience. "Frustration, anger, annoyance... couldn't get over these people... obsessed... hate selfies... bitch I am sick of your face.... FUCK IT". To me, that's the definition of losing your mind... over fucking social media, of all things. It's poor mental power. That is not someone who simply spends too much time surfing and has fallen into a time-waster. That's someone in a love…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/15 06:03 PM
-2

Your case is different than most because your wife was getting so angry and riled up that she couldn't control her reaction to it. That's not normal or healthy, that's overly addictive. Of course there would be spillover into other parts of your relationship that required you to intervene. I don't believe in overtly managing/correcting behaviour. The idea of playing a overly controlling figure in the marriage generally leads to resentment, not attraction or respect.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/15 05:49 PM
-2

I doesn't matter what your caveat it is. Unless my wife is blatantly ignoring me, why should I, as a man with more important things to do, care what she does on Instagram?
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/15 05:32 PM
2

You are using your jealous, self-absorbed wife as an example of what most women are like? The people posting selfies are not self-absorbed. Your wife getting upset about selfies shows that it is HER that is so self-absorbed that she cannot fathom seeing others be successful, following dreams, accomplish goals - because she is not sharing in the same glory. Those who resent the "shallowness" of social media thrive on jealously. They lack the motivation (or lack goals) to get what they want, so th…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/12/15 05:10 PM
8

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Lifting and dieting, without corresponding improvements in other areas, make you an imitation of a man. You are a missing a spark in your life, a reason to push forward. You need motivation to fix this. You know what my motivation would be right now? The fact that my wife is blowing some guy in the parking lot after work, or bending over for him during lunch while you are asleep at home. Do you feel anything? Are you angry? Aggressive? Want to fuck the shit out o…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/12/15 08:47 PM
3

Your branch is bending under the weight of your own failure to be a high value man. Your wife will not hang on forever - she will get her hooks into someone else long before your branch snaps. So what do you do? Every. Fucking. Thing. You. Can. Your entire post is about her, but what about you? What are you doing? What did you do yesterday, what did you do today, and what are planning to do tomorrow? I believe you can begin to turn this around in 1-2 weeks, assuming you are willing to do what yo…
/r/askMRP02/12/15 07:46 PM
5

I use Snapchat instead of texting for this, but I play a different angle. I use it to my advantage to remind her she's lucky to have a fit, sexy man. I don't use it to get nude pics from her - those are a bonus. I am always well-dressed, so I will send suggestive pictures of myself. No dick pics, just suggestive ones showing belt undone, bit of skin (abs/leg/thigh), arms, chest etc. They are not as visual as us, so dick pics are a big no-no. A picture of yourself in a nice shirt, wearing a watch…
/r/askMRP02/12/15 04:34 PM
1

If you think OP doesn't need to be concerned because this guy appears "beta" to you, you don't understand hypergamy. The other man doesn't have to be better than you, he just has to be different, at the right place, at the right time, and strike when an opportunity presents itself. It's not about alpha or beta. Emotional tampon This guy is not her emotional tampon. He is playing the game by allowing her to speak freely: she is, in fact, doing the legwork to enable an affair. She's listing all th…
/r/askMRP02/12/15 04:14 PM
27

The damage is done and it's time to move on. Her asking for space is not to "bring feelings back for you", it's to fuck around. Space is woman-speak for "guilt-free time away to do what I want". She wants to be with this guy, maybe others, too, but keep you in her rolodex in case the grass isn't greener. If you have any shred of confidence and self-worth, walk away now. But know that if you stay and wait for her return, she will still be dripping wet from the other men she was with, and you will…
/r/askMRP30/11/15 02:52 PM
5

Put your running shoes on and fucking run. I found out ten years later that mine fucked other guys, and I didn't even have half the info / clues you had. Listen to your gut. You know she's fucked him.
/r/TheRedPill27/11/15 02:37 AM
2

Alpha isn't black and white - it doesn't mean being in charge all the time and never allowing your partner, friends, or family to make decisions on their own. In the bedroom, I have no problem letting go of control. It usually leads to the best sex when she's getting exactly what she wants. There's a time and a place for everything. You're trying too hard with this alpha/beta thing.
/r/askMRP26/11/15 07:59 PM
5

It's not a mindfuck if you understand life is just a series of exchanges, not just the relationship with your wife. If you want to buy something, you need currency. Dread is technically creating an unnatural dynamic with your wife to get more sex. But how do you define what is natural vs unnatural? Is working 9-5 natural? Is having sex, other than for procreation, natural? Is lifting or getting dressed in a suit to look good, natural? Taken to the extreme, anything other than eating/fucking/slee…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/11/15 05:41 PM
7

how many consistently honor their spouses in sickness or under times of stress? A lot, and for a long time, too. Don't let those few statistic anomalies skew your perception of what's normal. Women put up with a lot of shit. All of us here are living proof of that. Our wives have put up with shit-quality men or shit-quality circumstances for some time, and most have withdrawn in other ways (usually sexually), but they are still here. As much as it's convenient to blurt AWALT and suggest that wiv…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/11/15 04:25 PM
2

I have to assume his wife was very low SMV / lacked all self-confidence, enough so that she ignored him coming home at 5am during weekdays. I've seen these types of wives: they are just so subservient because they have no other options (or at least that's what they believe... all women have options). Most women, my wife included, would blow up in this situation because they want to be prize. If it was a short-term fling, she would probably look past it, but long-term? Not a chance.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/11/15 07:34 PM
3

I can't think of a circumstance where the negs you listed are appropriate and would be construed as anything but an insult. You are singling out her flaws - it's a direct hit to her confidence. A woman's confidence in herself is tied how her looks are perceived by others. When you joke your wife about her scars, bags under her eyes, the way she smells/tastes, you are insulting her, not negging her.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/11/15 05:37 PM
0

When someone's been on the beta slide for so many years, the last thing he needs when he's trying to build his frame and implement TRP practices is a situation like I described. I don't buy the logic. It is highly unlikely any wife will diligently research TRP to the extent where she will completely understand what is happening today, and what will follow tomorrow. Hell, most guys that follow TRP don't even fully understand what it's all about, and what will happen day to day. It would be a rare…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/11/15 09:04 PM
-1

I see it as beta behavior to be ashamed of who you are, what you say, what you do, and how you got to where you are today. This post just flies in the face of what men should be doing: not giving a fuck.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/11/15 08:55 PM
0

If your wife snoops, as you mentioned, she's violated your trust. That trust will have to be earned back. No, snooping is not about trust. You cannot fault your wife for keeping an eye on you when you are actively employing dread -- her snooping is the proof you need that dread is working and she values your commitment. Almost every guy on here is employing dread to some degree. Of course wives are going to snoop. They are following the "trust, but verify" mantra we tout so often here. With resp…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/11/15 08:49 PM
-1

That first paragraph sums up exactly how I feel. I deserve high-quality, and rarely do I settle for anything less except in my life except when it comes to sex. I think I've told myself over the years that I'm not allowed to have the experiences I want.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/11/15 05:19 PM
2

She wasn't slow to get it - she understood what was happening, let it play out, and then called you out on it sarcastically. That's the desired effect, and you got it. You need to hold frame on these challenges, otherwise they are for nothing. You could have easily said "no, it comes naturally" or similar to deflect. Remember, the point on this is to show you can easily get young, attractive women talking and laughing with you. It's social confirmation that builds dread, knowing that you are a m…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/11/15 03:59 PM
-1

I'm curious, as someone who is close to jumping off the monogamy bandwagon, what's the reason for caring about the quality of sex with your wife when you are getting it elsewhere? Is it not satisfying enough?
/r/MarriedRedPill16/11/15 03:43 PM
1

She truly is and it's made for a challenging situation. I stayed because I found out about the cheating 10 years after it happened, so I was already married and had kids together at that point. Either way, I know MRP usually recommends nexting in my situation, but I'm trying my hand at different options before coming to that conclusion. I've gone as far as level 8 but no further. Thanks for the recommendation.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/15 05:18 PM
1

I should have clarified: I didn't mean it comes out verbally to her. It comes out in the sense that I start to stray from her in thoughts/focus out of frustration. I know it's causing me to lose my inner frame and that's not good. But, like you said, it does remind me to find happiness for myself, and that's where I'm at today. Happiness with or without her.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/15 04:49 PM
1

I have moved past what happened. We don't talk about it often. I have accepted I can't change it, and I want to be with her and keep the family/kids together. The past cheating is not an issue in the day-to-day, but it lingers in the back of mind and comes out when I feel like I'm not getting what I want.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/15 04:43 PM
1

It's known within the family, but it's not healed. I do know that she's never sought professional help about it, but it can flare up when we have sex and I'm pressing for something more that she doesn't want to do.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/15 04:38 PM
1

I'm in the same boat. My sex through marriage has always been on point, it's an area I can't really relate to guys on but one that I try to assist through being an example and providing what works. Let me assure you it is frustrating as hell. Especially after finding out your wife cheated 10 years ago, it makes you question why you still put up with sub-par sex. Before finding out about the truth, I went through regular periods of de-valuing my need for sexual satisfaction because I was made to …
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/15 04:28 PM
1

I have read it. It was mentioned in another reply above, but my wife was molested as child. Domination backfires. Trust me, I'm not trying to fuck her throat. I can barely touch/guide her head without some sort of retraction.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/15 04:26 PM
1

I have been direct and communicative before about my "kinkier" stuff when in the moment, but it's always interpreted negatively. Take a simple example: let's say I'm getting a BJ and I try to guide her head or tell her I want to cum in her mouth. She will react by saying no or stopping. My request makes her feel forced to do it against her will, so she won't. But she also feels my disappointment because she's not giving me what I want. So basically she's got this negative reinforcement thing goi…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/15 04:11 PM
1

This is basically where I'm at with her. She has too many hard limits and won't budge, so I find myself out of options. I firmly believe deep down there is no kink there. Given our history together, I am no longer in a position where I will continue not getting what I want. If I play the "you or someone else" card, it will be interpreted as me forcing her to do sexual things, which is an abuse trigger. And the flipside of me being with "someone else" will not go over well, either, and probably c…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/15 03:38 PM
2

I've been open with her before about wanting to explore kinkier and aggressive stuff, but maybe it's time for another talk because I think it fell on deaf ears. She was molested as child so that has created boundaries between us which is incredibly frustrating. I've tried having sex outside the bedroom and at times other than sleep, but it's rare to happen. Attraction in other areas is positive. She's very touchy, constantly remarking that I look hot, and regularly feeling chest/arms. This could…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/15 03:01 PM
3

Do you want a marriage where you’re fucking at the minimum 5 nights a week with blowjobs, roadhead, and kinky shit galore? What if you are doing everything right: SMV is in check, always been lifting, dress like a top, leading the ship, she respects you, and is feeling the effects of dread, but you still aren't getting that kinky, porn-star sex, regular bj's, etc.? By willing to do what you haven't done before, to me this reads like the only choice left is to step outside the marriage to get wha…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/15 02:31 PM
11

It's not really about the trash. Are you a lazy fuck that doesn't take out the trash because you're busy playing videogames or watching sports? She resents you for something. We need more of a storyline here. As for handling the ignoring, leave the house. Stay in your frame. No man should have time for someone who is playing childish games of ignoring you. Demonstrate you have other shit to do and won't play into her games.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/11/15 04:28 PM
3

I read your posts and the few responses you gave. You are all-talk, no-action. You are wandering aimlessly because you've have no purpose and no plan. Do you want your wife? Then keeping her and improving the relationship is your plan. Do you want the other woman? Then winning her over and leaving your wife is your plan. Do you want both? You need a much stronger frame/body, not have oneitis towards either woman, and ultimately view yourself as the prize both women are sharing. That's your next …
/r/MarriedRedPill10/11/15 07:55 PM
10

By having sex at all, she's at least meeting you halfway. Starfish is not meeting halfway. It's spreading her legs to avoid conflict and keep you minimally satisfied. A woman meeting halfway is one with a mutual interest, attraction, and desire to fuck you or be fucked by you. I think the starfish may not always be about "lack of desire" on her part, but may be because she doesn't feel desired enough or sexy enough to "put on a good show." You are confusing starfish with self-consciousness. Sign…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/11/15 05:21 PM
2

Anyway, I hope she wakes the fuck up and grows up like this woman. Don't put your future in your wife's hands. It is for you to create, shape, and own. Yours and yours alone. You don't want your wife "happy" because she lowered expectations and became complacent. You want her happy because that's all she feels.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/11/15 03:43 PM
1

It's not about what you've been willing to do for her, it's about what you are willing to do for yourself. You are covert contracting with her. She will never get tingles from you working 50 hour weeks or doing the laundry. Fulfilling marital and parental responsibilities is not a turn on and never will be. You are not the attractive, strong, quality man she needs to give her tingles. You need to up your game. You are being an asshole husband because you believe doing laundry should make her ben…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/11/15 03:38 PM
1

Great point. You'll never get what you want if you believe you don't deserve it.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/11/15 03:41 PM
2

The non-verbal messages sound very familiar - I've been there. I don't think your no-sex issue has anything to do with being molested. She's had sex with you before, so why stop now? There's other factors at play. You need to start running dread. Join a co-ed sports league, take up a hobby, anything to get away from her and make her hamster start spinning. Start dressing nicer. Spend a few hundred and upgrade that wardrobe. Be sexually elusive. Change the dynamic around so that she is the one to…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/11/15 02:39 PM
12

While some men here have to be cautious of and deal with their Alpha Widow, we, as partners of wives who were molested, have to deal with the Evil Alpha Widow. The one who has sexually scarred your wife. A regular Alpha Widow will imprint on a women what she wants, what she thinks she can get, etc. The Evil counterpart permanently disfigures her perception of sexual activity. You have to be extra diligent and purposeful, not to mention extremely careful, to try and undo the scarring. It changes …
/r/MarriedRedPill31/10/15 04:43 PM
3

I did enjoy her company. She was wife material. I was with her for many years and I planned to marry her (and ultimately did, but that's another story and the reason why I found RP). However, I didn't treat her nearly as well as I should have. I don't like accepting any part of the blame for her cheating, but I certainly made it easier for her to do it.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/10/15 06:21 PM
3

I didn't even think of that. When I read your post I assumed you were reading a hard copy of it in front of her and thought it was weird.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/10/15 04:45 PM
0

I was sitting in the bathtub reading MMSLP and my wife walked in
/r/MarriedRedPill29/10/15 04:17 PM
0

Two scenarios: she doesn't know how to fuck, or she does, but she doesn't want to with you (yet). It is your job to teach her how to fuck you the way you want it. Unless she's ridden the CC or watched a lot of porn, most have little idea what to do with their bodies beyond the basics. This comes down to communication and nudging her in the direction you want. Open her eyes to what is possible. Eventually she will develop her own preferences, and you will become keenly aware when she wants it her…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/10/15 04:03 PM
5

Move to Level 4 where you suddenly turn into a total dick- suck my dick every day or I will ignore you and have nothing to do with you, bitch. Regrettably, this is exactly the kind of behavior I lived and breathed that led to me being cheated on. I was an alpha asshole - did my own thing, didn't care much about my LTR (even though I intended to marry her) unless I was having sex, and she eventually cheated after realizing she was just a warm hole for me. I was playing to win for myself and didn'…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/10/15 03:46 PM
4

This is why I believe co-ed sports are an excellent form of passive dread. It has the added benefit of keeping you physically active, widening your social circle, and making you happy overall. Most wives hate the idea of their husband spending quality time with physically fit women, bumping into each other, having fun, sharing similar interests, and going out for drinks afterwards... all while they sit at home and watch Netflix.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/10/15 02:31 PM
1

I hope you change your approach and get to the bottom of this. You deserve to know the truth and be able to move forward with or without her. Several of us on here have been in similar positions and can lend a hand. It's not easy, It downright sucks, but deep down I think you know what's going on here.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/10/15 11:02 PM
8

I posted this before in your previous thread. I think you desperately need to read what I wrote again. Your wife is or has had an affair. It's time to face this head on: "I'm going to go against the grain on this one and suggest that maybe she is projecting infidelity guilt on you for three main reasons: She needed to drink to have sex with you. That tells me your SMV is much lower than you think, or that she feels guilt when having sex with you. She suggested you finding a mistress to satisfy y…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/10/15 10:01 PM
0

It depends on how old the child is. Old enough to know? Old enough to remember? Maybe your kid is being plopped in front of a TV while mommy "talks to her friend" quietly in the bedroom for 10 minutes. I re-read your first post but I'm not sure what you've been successful at. Your wife is not following your lead, she's driving 60 miles to get groceries (or get something else), and you think texting her sternly is going to fix that. I am trying to discern what's going on in your relationship, and…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/10/15 07:10 PM
9

Based on this post, plus your first one (about the supermom article + rejection), I believe there is something much deeper and more important to address here than passing a financial test. I'm concerned about a wife that would travel 60 miles and shrug off child responsibilities for "groceries". Are you sure there's nothing else going on? This sounds like a convenient way to establish a large block of time outside of the home with an alibi ("Look, I brought home food!"). Your wife might be havin…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/10/15 05:20 PM
11

They are rare (to you) because you are looking for them in the wrong areas - tinder, etc. Open up your social circle and you will realize there are many girls that are not riding the CC. You won't find them on Tinder, but you will through sports, work, events, etc.
/r/askTRP27/10/15 04:17 PM
-1

Because that's the best he can get. He's with a 5/10 because he was tired of the "mediocre" women he had before, which means he's been fucking 2s and 3s, and latched onto a 5 when the opportunity came around. Now he thinks he will find better, even though now he lost his job and is still working on his SMV. You don't LTR a 5/10 unless you can't get anything else. Simple as that. If you want to fuck others, do it, don't come here looking for other men to guide your cock for you.
/r/askTRP27/10/15 04:12 PM
1

Then what's the point of your post? Half of it is talking about how your parents didn't give you the "pieces".
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/15 04:55 PM
2

While I can say that some of my problems are due to a lack of preparation because I wasn't taught better, moving forward I know that my problems and their solutions are mine and mine alone. You are absolutely wrong. Not a single person in this world is responsible for preparing you for your own life. Almost everyone here grew up with the same set of skills - we learned to tie our shoes, count, speak - but the rest was up to us. Blaming your parents for your failure to be a man is like blaming a …
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/15 04:34 PM
3

I consider this a test of your authenticity. She is gauging if your persona is genuine, or if you are playing a role and will break character at some point. I don't think she actually believes you're not sweet. However, in case there is more of backstory to her feelings, remember this: don't be an alpha asshole, just be alpha.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/15 03:34 PM
6

This is basically sexual economics on display. Her sexual best (the product) had a price tag well above your purchasing power (SMV/dread/alpha). You were window shopping for her best with an empty wallet. When you stopped shopping, you immediately de-valued her product because you, as the only buyer, were no longer interested. At this point she can either hold and make nothing, or sell at a lower price, which she did. It helps that you also increased your purchasing power at the same time. The k…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/10/15 05:15 PM
3

We don't talk much about accountability because most problems on here are the result of a man's failure to lead / be the best he can be. The wife isn't doing wrong: she's not following orders because no one is leading. In cases of infidelity, dead bedrooms, ignoring, etc., ultimately the price women pay is the side-effects of a man fixing himself: withdrawal of affection, outcome independence, dread, improved SMV and the jealously that comes with it. Or, the worst, the man withdraws (or threaten…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/10/15 06:49 PM
12

Perel gets some flack on RP, but she tells it like it is: Chad doesn't have to be better, he just has to be different. Complacency is a breeding ground for infidelity. Responsibility (cleaning house / minding kids / etc.) is a turn off. Being interesting and creating distance leads to tingles. etc. This woman is very smart. Her words of advice are spot-on in my opinion.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/10/15 06:36 PM
9

You know that gut feeling you have? That pit in your stomach that brought you here to post this, probably hoping someone would give you a pat on the back and say "it's ok buddy, she's probably not cheating"? You won't get that here. She has all the symptoms of a cheater. I know, I've been there. Flaky behavior, deleting messages, making up excuses. The long distance aspect is icing on the infidelity cake. You need to walk out now before you get more attached. You live far enough away I don't see…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/10/15 04:59 PM
13

AWALT = you, the man, should have known better. AWALT does not excuse a woman's actions, and it does not excuse a man's "hurt" response to his women's actions. The basic idea - at least as I see it - is that AWALT is about re-framing the anger for her back to yourself. While she needs to be held accountable for her indiscretions, it's ultimately in her nature, and it might have been in your control to keep her in check. When someone yells "AWALT", it's not an excuse for the woman, it's a reminde…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/10/15 04:51 PM
4

Just to be clear about one thing: your marriage counselor would NEVER tell you if your wife had cheated, as those conversations are confidential. You cannot use their words with any confidence. Also, as I came to learn, it is not that difficult for someone to hide secrets for 10+ years. You need to find another way to verify if your wife already cheated because this will influence how you proceed. While RP leads men to believe you should immediately next alpha widows, you can suppress a previous…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/10/15 02:52 PM
1

Has she always had these hangups, even when you first got together? I suspect not, which tells me the issues of today were not on her radar before because she was trying to impress you / win your commitment.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/10/15 08:04 PM
5

Body image issues can be a tough nut to crack. You have to work towards boosting her confidence inside and outside of the bedroom through complimentary behaviour, or being aggressive about getting what you want and rewarding her compliance. The good news is that if alcohol helps the problem, you know under the shell you have a confident/sexy wife. She just needs assurance it's okay to come out and play when she's sober. But in your case, I think rurpe is right. She's not into it with you (yet). …
/r/MarriedRedPill16/10/15 06:51 PM
2

This deserves its own post. Right on the money. Thanks for sharing.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/10/15 06:18 PM
6

I don't think the guy is legitimately angry at the past version of his wife. I think he is using the 'pretend' anger as a justification for infidelity. This guy is basically living the male version of making up for missing out.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/10/15 03:17 PM
12

I think this an interesting side-effect of adopting RP within a marriage after a dead-bedroom scenario. I know exactly where this guy is coming from. His wife, like mine, improved her side of the sex equation, but you are still not fully happy. There's something lurking in the shadows - resentment. Resentment that you were never getting her best. Resentment that while you were doing everything you could to make her into you, it was never enough. Out of anger, you find yourself in the RP world wh…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/10/15 02:04 PM
2

You need proof that she hasn't cheated already before you do anything else If she hasn't, you can turn it around, but do it fast. The fact that she is honest enough to tell you she's not in love tells me she still wants you (to change).
/r/MarriedRedPill16/10/15 01:05 AM
6

Gratitude for what? I see OP angry at the world and everyone in it. I see a man who thinks because they lift and do BJJ they are above the rest. That's ego, not humility. OP has not accepted that the world doesn't fit his criteria. He's angry people have not been molded to be driven, successful, good-looking, ripped, alpha humans. That's going full-retard. Narcissism is good in moderation, but not when it's consumed your view of the world to the point where you consider everyone else "Plebs". I'…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/10/15 01:05 PM
8

First, you reek of insecurity. I can't imagine anyone wanting to spend time around you with that attitude, unless, like you say, it's all act you put online because you don't actually have the confidence to call people out in real life. Second, you're 6'1, 190lb. I hope this doesn't break your heart but that's not big. Above-average height, but most guys walk around 200+lb regardless of height and could take you down in a second, even if you think your BJJ training makes you rise above the rest …
/r/MarriedRedPill15/10/15 12:33 PM
7

My wife used to say the same thing -- "it's never enough, you'll never be satisfied, and if I give you what you want, you'll just want more, more, more." Well, I told her what I wanted, with or without her. I turned up the dread/SMV and allowed her room to flourish sexually, and I have been rewarded. Now I don't have to think about getting what I want: she does most of that work for me. I gave her what she needed to turn the things I want into the things she wants to give. It's a subtle transiti…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/10/15 06:20 PM
3

When you say "9pm, I won't take no for an answer", that's demanding sex. You might be joking, but she knows your being somewhat serious. At least that's how I would interpret it. Remember, you want to build desire, not negotiate it. You have to be a lot more subtle in your approach most of the time, and know when to be direct. It comes with time and practice :) As for the household stuff, if it's not about the quantity of work, perhaps she feels unappreciated. I think you should delve a bit deep…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/10/15 02:50 PM
5

Look, it's rather simple. There are times when men want to fuck, but women want non-sexual affirmation they are loved (being held, etc.). Somedays, she will feel a pure, unbridled sense of being loved when you fuck her hard and deep. Flowers and "I love you" would pale in comparison to the deep, passionate fucking she just had that let her fall asleep a satisfied wife. Other days, she will feel used when you fuck her. She wants non-sexual affirmation that you love her. This is where the "gushy" …
/r/MarriedRedPill14/10/15 02:45 PM
2

Your texts are equal parts cringeworthy and deseperate - she rejected you a few hours prior, you claim to not be upset, but you are attempting to demand sex over text. The idea of not being "butthurt" is to move past the rejection and don't let it alter your course. It doesn't mean try again in a couple hours over text, which, I might add, is not effective at all. You can use texts to send subtle reminders to her from time to time, but definietely not to schedule a fuck session with your wife. Y…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/10/15 02:21 PM
0

I never said anything about isolation to failure - I said SS/SL are not enough volume for most people.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/10/15 01:16 PM
0

In the context of what we are talking about -- improving SMV -- it's not optimal. 3x5 is not enough volume. The weight difference between 3x5 and 3x10 is not very significant, but your volume is much higher. You are still lifting "heavy".
/r/MarriedRedPill14/10/15 12:37 PM
0

You don't "tone" muscle using high reps. This is a myth.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/10/15 12:21 PM
-1

You can focus on aesthetics from day one. You will build strength using 8-12 reps the same way you do 3-5 reps. Anyone who doesn't understand this hasn't lifted very long and follows the SS cult. Interesting that I've been downvoted here. Not enough guys that actually lift outside of the Rippetoe box evidently.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/10/15 12:21 PM
1

Exactly -- all the reason not to follow SS and go with PHAT, PHUL, or a handful of other programs.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/10/15 12:20 PM
0

I like the sentiment, but you sound like your posturing, trying to conjure up some image of a top-tier alpha who doesn't care what happens to him or his life, because things will always get better. This isn't MGTOW. This is married red pill. And you damn well better care about what happens in your life and not assume any situation you face will result in a positive outcome. There are plenty of examples of "alpha" men who have lost it all and never recoverered. They believed they were untouchable…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/10/15 07:49 PM
-2

Starting Strength, StrongLifts, etc I want to make a counterpoint to this recommendation because it's not an optimal use of your time. If you want to improve aesthetics quickly, these are not the programs to do it. Get on a high volume routine and work your ass off. SS/SL do not give nearly enough attention the body parts that women notice: chest/delts/tris/bis.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/10/15 07:31 PM
9

This highlights why competition of any type is critical for teaching humility. When you win, you build ego and confidence. When you lose, you build humility and an understanding you can do better. We all know this. But the difference is striking: Humility is watching a man do something you are not capable of and drawing inspiriation from it. Ego is watching a man do something you are not capable of and downplaying their achievement. With humility, you will build a better version of yourself. Wit…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/10/15 04:42 PM
2

Women want to be guarded. They want to feel like the prize. Small displays of mate guarding are not necessarily unattractive to her - quite the opposite. They validate that you view her as the prize. However, when you resort to desperate measures (telling her she cannot talk to the guy), it can be perceived as unattractive to some women because it shows you are not competitive enough (SMV) to fend off threats naturally. In your response to her, you subconsciously established that the other guy h…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/10/15 03:59 PM
3

She fucking undermined me as a boy. Part of taking the red pill is not blaming others for your failure. Your mom has nothing to do with this. You can equally blame television, rom-coms, teachers, friends, etc., but it is ultimately your responsibility to decipher what's reality vs fiction. If you want your wife to initiate, don't expect it at all, especially with any consistent frequency. Initiating is your responsibility. You might be lucky to have it happen once in a blue moon. However, it is …
/r/MarriedRedPill13/10/15 03:19 PM
1

You have it backwards. A lot of the uglier ones have to make up for lack of attention via sex, they are used and passed on. The pretty ones do not have to rely on sex as much and do tend to have more narcissistic personalities.
/r/TheRedPill12/10/15 09:12 PM
3

This is the kind of post that is so simple and raw - it should be stickied. To the top we go with you.
/r/TheRedPill09/10/15 07:06 PM
4

Well here we go friends. Another low quality post by a beginner. Coming here to leach off of the true warriors who live this life everyday and don't have to hide it. However, I will throw you a bone. Everyone is a beginner at some point, I don't see why it's necessary to give them shit over it. His post is low quality because his actions are low quality. If all we ever did was applaud the good posts and dismiss the poor ones, it would be a circle jerk here.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/10/15 07:45 PM
5

I don't even see it as a shit test. It was just a joke to which you could have easily responded seven different ways. You know what's worse than her thinking you are a pussy? You confirming it by getting butthurt by a joke. You need to start leading and establish dominance. Don't let her talk over you. It's time to be a man. Your wife sounds like she is desperately waiting to be submissive to a real man. Make sure it's you and not someone else.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/10/15 07:36 PM
1

I didn't mean to imply that competing and winning invoke the same response. But, winning or losing aside, if you aren't competing at something, you and your wife are missing out.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/10/15 06:48 PM
17

She also talks about needing an emotional connection in their sex-life, so there is your E as well. I can't stress how important this is and how it is rarely discussed on here. The typical action plan for men is to be the leader, be interesting/mysterious, and take care of your SMV. But if you are doing that at the exclusion of being emotionally available for your wife, you are setting yourself up for infidelity. I know first hand. I was cheated on 10 years ago. At the time, I thought I did ever…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/10/15 05:13 PM
1

Unfortunately, I learned some of this the hard way (discovered my wife cheated 10 years ago before marriage). Interestingly though, I think that was the first time I've read a thread about infidelity and wasn't angry in the slightest. It just all sort of made sense.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/10/15 03:38 PM
1

I like this advice. The more time you spend understanding the dark side, the brighter it gets.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/10/15 02:35 PM
1

Didn't you learn in high school that plaigarism is not allowed?
/r/MarriedRedPill04/10/15 11:16 PM
14

People these days tend to blame their failures and problems on genetics, so it is not a stretch for them to also believe muscular people are just genetically gifted.
/r/TheRedPill02/10/15 07:43 PM
125

I can relate this easily to lifting. Over time, I realized my wife doesn't care that I lift. There's nothing attractive about a man sweating and struggling under heavy load. But I have her undivided attention when I out-lift the guy next to me in a social setting, when I make someone look like a toothpick, or when someone comments on my physique in front of her. It's all about affirmation she chose the best guy in comparison to others around her. If I explained to the people around me in all tho…
/r/TheRedPill02/10/15 03:56 PM
7

I'm not proud that my wife (then girlfriend) cheated on me 10 years ago, but the experience has given me a heightened level of awareness for what hypergamy is. I no longer read stories like this and assume the guy was a loser, even if the wife's clear motives are malicious. Sometimes, the men are losers. But I don't think that's the case for many relationships. Many of these men have peaks (alpha/masculine) and valleys (beta/feminine) in their lives. They aren't rejects, they aren't losers. They…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/10/15 05:14 PM
2

That's an interesting perspective, but I don't think most married women would actually buy lingerie for themselves due to self-consciousness. And they generally aren't comfortable to wear, anyways. What you could do is buy it for your wife, but only allow her to wear it when she's been a "good/bad" girl, or whatever other scenario you make up. Then it truly is a gift for you.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/09/15 06:25 PM
-2

I get your point, but these are both fictional scenarios constructed and written in such a way that it makes these men seem flawless. You could have said "be the best version of yourself" and need not make up fictional characters in your head.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/09/15 10:02 PM
14

I'm going to go against the grain on this one and suggest that maybe she is projecting infidelity guilt on you for three main reasons: She needed to drink to have sex with you. That tells me your SMV is much lower than you think, or that she feels guilt when having sex with you. She suggested you finding a mistress to satisfy your needs (to alleviate a guilty conscience). She sharply increased her sexual appetite for you, but then withdrew and became agitated again (on/off behavior). I'm not say…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/09/15 06:56 PM
4

You are not demonstrating OI if you are nagging her for sex and creating an expectation of "finishing where we left off", or initiating every single day. I would lay off your attempts and allow her come to you, the same way she did when you got up and left the bedroom. Some women need time/space to build the desire themselves.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/09/15 02:40 PM
0

Of course I'm hurt. Who wouldn't be? I have "let her in". I'm still here, trying, forgiving, working towards a better future. I'm just not going to get down on one knee and re-propose.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/09/15 07:57 PM
2

I found out several months ago. I haven't known for 10 years and I haven't been holding this over head for 10 years.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/09/15 07:56 PM
3

I said "no, not now". As in, I wasn't in the mood to engage in that sort of serious discussion, and she was overly-emotional and asking me out of desperation, I think. Just to be perfectly clear, I didn't say "no, never, don't ask again". I just put the ball in her court.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/09/15 07:49 PM
1

If your girlfriend asked you to marry her, and you said "no, not now", does that automatically imply she's worthless, or that you are just not ready to commit / take the next step?
/r/MarriedRedPill25/09/15 07:43 PM
0

I don't know where you see resistance. I said I understand his point. I don't have to agree with it (ie I'm not dragging her through the mud), but that doesn't mean I'm not listening to what everyone has to say.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/09/15 07:40 PM
1

She cheated years ago, lied before/after marriage, and I found out via catching her in a lie. How is me not willing to "re-propose" saying she's worthless? I've forgiven her and made every effort to keep our marriage together. I'm just not willing to propose, again. It doesn't mean I don't love her, and it doesn't mean I'm not willing to work together to stay together.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/09/15 07:38 PM
-3

I'm not mistaking it as a shit-test, I didn't even call it that, but it I see your overall point here. We were having an open discussion about where we stand today. I was not dragging her through the mud - we were talking casually over a glass of wine, but then it turned a bit more serious. I was just being honest that I'm not going to be the one to "re-propose", but I have forgiven her and have expressed my intent to stay and work through this new part of our life together.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/09/15 07:30 PM
1

At least you know your place in the RP world.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/09/15 11:47 PM
1

It's not an excuse for sloppiness, but it's important to realize that for most guys, it's not worth obsessing over the remaining 20% to the exclusion of other important things.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/09/15 11:42 PM
0

I'll start listening when you actually contribute and stop whining.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/09/15 10:30 PM
-1

Where do I act like I've got all the answers? Anyone can look at my post history and see where I come from. I didn't post this from an alt account because I have nothing to hide, and nothing to be ashamed of. I'm learning just like the rest of you. If you don't like community participation, you're free to log off.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/09/15 10:20 PM
0

She cheated 10 years ago, not recently. There's been no change in my course. No 180. I've just come to realization there's far more to men than their SMV. SMV is primarily the only thing that people seem to focus on here, but it's only part of the marriage dynamic.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/09/15 10:16 PM
1

Absolutely agreed. But being slightly overweight does not translate to low SMV. RP has a very unrealistic idea about fitness, lifting, and body perception in general. It takes very little to impress a woman, especially your wife if she's used to a zero-fucks-given approach to your own body.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/09/15 09:48 PM
1

And I'm not suggesting anyone be content. I did not suggest complacency anywhere. I said SMV is not the only measure of a man. I also said the 80/20 rule applies when it comes to SMV. Diminishing returns. etc. You do the math.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/09/15 09:47 PM
2

I completely understand, and that's why I recommended it. I posted this in response to seeing a lot of threads about guys who upped their SMV / dread / etc., but are still not seeing results. It's because they are boring fucks that contribute little to the relationship. In the eyes of a marriage, hobbies make you interesting, they don't make you sexier. I take a different view than most ere, obviously, in that SMV is not an umbrella that encompasses everything a man does. Some things you do incr…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/09/15 09:17 PM
0

you'll know that you can offer up those beta bux all you want, but the tingles come from attraction, and if you're not attractive, then she'll go get her alpha fucks from someone with a higher SMV than you. Exactly what I said. All the "other things" are separate and do not add to your SMV within a relationship. If you aren't attractive, no amount of "MMV" will increase your SMV.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/09/15 09:09 PM
1

I have not deviated from anything. I have noticed a lot of posts recently discussing SMV exclusively, and that's not the only thing that matters in a marriage. In my case, I worked on SMV, dread and other things, and it did work. But other things I've done - which I did not mention in that post - have led me to understand there is far more to a married man than his SMV in a relationship.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/09/15 09:07 PM
-1

She cares as long as its above her threshold, not below.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/09/15 04:36 PM
13

I'll admit it, I cringed. You know what you should have done? Drove to the store, bought the missing piece, and wailed on that fucking guitar. Do your own shit. Own your own shit. Stop playing video games. You sound extremely boring and clingy.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/09/15 02:38 PM
3

I don't know how anyone could believe that having a vasectomy would lead to more sex. If frequency/quality were lacking before, getting snipped would change little. In my case, what it did do was allow me and my wife to stop worrying about possibilities and enjoy sex, especially the finish, much more.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/09/15 12:28 PM
1

You fucked up once by accidently revealing your actions. This is why it's so important to not say anything because words can undermine action. Let's make sure you don't fuck up twice by bowing to her demands. If you stop going, she will be happy at first but lose respect for you. She is trying to mate guard and you will be seen as weak and controllable if you allow it. You need to assure her that you are going there for sport/social reasons, not to apply game, since you are a married man.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/09/15 07:24 PM
5

What I took away from your post: You have lower SMV than her. The dread is not working (see #1). You are not a natural AMOG if you are constantly watching your wife's activities from the corner of your eye. You sound very insecure (see #1, again). I think it's time to evaluate yourself and your relationship honestly instead of worrying about a PUA.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/09/15 07:11 PM
3

Unless you are completely oblivious, I think you can tell the difference between duty sex and real sex. Even so, you need to follow her cycle to know the times that she gives you sex when she's not interested, and not punish her for it.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/09/15 06:09 PM
8

Dread builds her desire to fuck you. Assertiveness tells her when and how.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/09/15 03:58 AM
16

I think you spent more time writing this post in an attempt to convince yourself you believe what you wrote. Talk is cheap. Start acting now. Don't tell us what you're planning on doing. Tell us after you've done it and how it affected your life.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/09/15 11:43 PM
1

Money does not increase SMV unless you are waving cash around when you meet a woman (or you are well-known public figure). And any women who gauges your SMV based on money is looking at you for the wrong reasons. Money will falsely inflate your SMV, but only to yourself and gold-diggers. And why is it beta? Because you can't buy alphaness with it. If you believe money will make you an alpha, you don't understand what alpha is.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/09/15 03:33 PM
1

It could be that she recently stepped outside the marriage, realized her mistake, and is now stepping up her feelings to re-invest in you. Are you running any level of dread? If not, the sudden increase in compliments is symptom of something else at play. If she hasn't cheated or came close, I suspect it's a complete lack of confidence on her part, and you may not be helping the situation. You called her not gorgeous and 50lb overweight (to us). It's good that you're being honest, but if you loo…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/09/15 03:07 PM
1

As others have pointed it, this is not a unique situation and there are two possible ways I see you getting through this. You can leave right away, or you can try to make it work following RP guidelines (don't negotiate desire, etc.). The reason you are posting here is because you want help to make it work, not necessarily because you're looking for justification to leave (you have plenty already). In college, she performed because she wanted to, or she felt obligated to in order to receive atte…
/r/askTRP17/09/15 03:26 PM
3

A lot of suggestions saying go Keto but I think it's excessive in this situation. Neither will controlling her diet like a child. Do you have any weight to lose? She does not have intrinsic motivation and lacks discipline, but she can be motivated by doing it together with you, as long as you hold her accountable. A couple's diet can work wonders, and once she gets started and sees progress (and feels the satisfaction from it), she will continue on her own.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/09/15 05:13 PM
5

Give your time wife to heal, that's a given. It's a small price to pay for what she went through. My question is why won't she give a BJ until completion? It seems like a fair compromise that doesn't affect her healing.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/09/15 05:08 PM
2

No worries about criticism. Your post made me realize I had written all this positive RP stuff but had not acknowledged that my life is still a struggle. You are right that if there were no kids, I'd be gone. She knows that and I'm not ashamed of it, I care deeply for my kids. But it doesn't mean I have no feelings or care for her, which would mean I'm sticking around for the wrong reasons (just for the kids). I do believe that we can become a stronger couple from this. We've had more in-depth, …
/r/MarriedRedPill16/09/15 01:22 PM
1

I would have ignored it all together. Let her have the mystery of not knowing "who" it's for. I'm also quite jealous that all you needed to do was put some cologne on to get your wife suspicious.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/09/15 12:50 PM
1

Without reciting an entire conversation, I said that I want x, y, z, and I've come to a point in my life where I deserve it at any cost. It was time for me to be selfish - I want things and I was going to get them. When I mentioned individual likes she would say "I don't do/like that", and I would respond, "that's fine, but it's perfectly normal and most women like it. I am not asking or forcing you to do anything". Without overtly saying I was going to get satisfied from another women, it made …
/r/MarriedRedPill16/09/15 12:49 PM
2

I held frame by slightly diverting the conversation to something else. Or most recently, but she was hounding me over something I did or said and I said I will not apologize for my actions, and said no more. The next day she came back to me in a enthusiastic, positive manner, and never brought it up again. I'm not saying don't apologize, but there is a time and place for it (you do something really stupid). But if you are apologizing just to keep her happy, it shows lack of character/strength on…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/09/15 12:38 PM
6

Stoically? Not at all. I was a mess when I found out, and I came close to leaving and cheating on her several times. There's nothing stoic about that - just a man having an epic war between his own pride and forgiveness/acceptance. I don't even know if we will last. I have no expectations. The pride issue is interesting because I do not feel any sense of pride staying with her today. It's quite shameful, actually, and damaging to the ego. She told me she was lucky to have me, and I've instilled …
/r/MarriedRedPill16/09/15 12:34 PM
3

It is mind-blowing. I let her down over the years by not being true to myself (trying to be Mr. Nice guy, which is not who I am naturally). Even so, she has always been attracted to me, but not in the way I wanted because I wasn't being true to myself. She is drawn to confidence, dominance, leadership, etc., which I had buried deep down and had to re-discover and embrace through this process.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/09/15 04:06 PM
0

This is one area I'm still working on. When I'm sexually playful, she usually interprets as I want something then and there. In turn, she has this "I have to do this" feeling which turns her off sex. So I have tried to shy away from as much overtly-sexual stuff as possible, and given her space to come to me on her own terms.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/09/15 03:35 PM
6

I did not do the test, as I said I am 100% certain the children are mine. She has been forthcoming about every detail I requested. At some point, I had to put a certain amount of trust into what she is saying. My gut knew something was wrong before, but my gut has never once said she's been unfaithful since marriage. As for the hall pass, I have not thought about it since then. She knows I'm willing to walk if I'm not completely happy. That alone is enough of a threat to her. At this point, if I…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/09/15 03:15 PM
0

She has told a few people in her "inner circle" that it was cheating, whereas before they thought she did that on a break (and therefore there's nothing wrong with it). I have been looking closely at the marriage and all the moving parts over the past couple months. She knows I'm window shopping. I have no commitment, and no guarantee to buy, I'm just evaluating the product.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/07/15 07:05 PM
0

We weren't on a break, but that's what she told herself to rationalize/justify the behaviour, and it's also what she told friends, etc. It was definitely cheating, no question about it, and she admits that now. In her words, she lied to protect me, but I know well enough that it was to protect her and keep her image intact. She also knows that if I knew the truth back then, we would have been finished. I can never fully trust her, I know this.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/07/15 07:02 PM
2

I understand why you'd think that, but I have had to turn down offers before while being married. I'm not saying it would be super easy but I don't doubt my ability to pull. Escorts was about convenience, nothing more.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/07/15 06:36 PM
2

I don't trust her not to do it again in the future. I don't trust much about what I've been told to this point, I'm just relaying what's been told to me.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/07/15 06:22 PM
1

Yes, he lives very far away. Short of flying to meet, nothing could happen.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/07/15 06:21 PM
1

It wasn't two at a time. You just misread my post, I corrected it.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/07/15 06:18 PM
5

I appreciate the honesty. I am obviously new to this and am dealing with a) the aftermath of cheating/lying/manipulation, and b) trying to swallow the red pill at the same time and use that information to make sense of what happened. I am clearly being downvoted across all my posts, which I'm surprised at because I thought this community was about encouragement, propping a man up when he's down, not kicking him when he's in the gutter.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/07/15 06:13 PM
0

She claimed it was a break, but it was not. We were together, same house, sleeping together... it was just a break of convenience on her part.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/07/15 06:10 PM
1

A little bit about me - early thirties, mid six figure income, and we run a side business together. I am successful by most measures and have everything I want/need. I have been lifting for years and am very fit and active. She is very ambitious, good career, etc. I am physically attractive, get hit on on a semi-regular basis, and have always been fairly confident, though that took a plunge after she cheated. I have, however, been playing the nice guy for years without realizing it. Before she c…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/07/15 05:00 PM
-2

I mentioned in another comment that an escort was about convenience and secrecy, but she preferred I use Tinder/etc.. I have no issues with either. As for the rough sex, I have tried and it's a no-go. She does not like it, whether easing into or by surprise.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/07/15 04:22 PM
1

Actually, she initially did not want me to use an escort because she doesn't believe in paying for sex. She told me to use tinder/etc.. An escort was about convenience and not showing my face online. I have lifted for years, am in great shape and physically attractive. I would have zero issues getting it elsewhere. But I agree with you that she would probably lose it if I take her up on it.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/07/15 04:20 PM
-1

Thanks for the opinion. I know that going elsewhere and getting what I want (kinkier, rougher sex) will probably lead to wanting more of the same that she is unwilling to fulfill. She is also aware of that and dreads the thought. To be clear, she does not want me to take the offer because she knows it will hurt her, but she's made the offer in the hopes that it helps bring us back together. I believe you are right in that the right way forward is to not take her off and move forward, but I can't…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/07/15 04:07 PM
-3

I don't believe it's to cancel out her behaviour, but she genuinely believes that I am liable to cheat (at a later point) and that she would rather "get it out of the way" now in a controlled manner, as opposed to destroying the family years down the road. She does not want me to take her offer, but she believes she doesn't have much of a choice. She looked him up on FB but he lives continents away. She claims she just wanted to see how he aged.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/07/15 04:02 PM
-1

They are absolutely mine, no question about it... they are look a-likes. This I am not foolish of. She has told me everything and even offered to take a lie detector test. Her family knew that we were on a "break", so it wasn't technically cheating as far as they knew. But I understand where you're coming from - however I am not interested in divorce (yet).
/r/MarriedRedPill27/07/15 03:55 PM
2

They are definitely mine. I had it after we had the kids.
/r/askTRP14/07/15 01:01 PM
14

Look, you just met the lying, promiscuous woman you ACTUALLY married. The person she claimed to be via her lying was never in your marriage; that person does not exist. That person she pretended to be was never a person. It was a construct. A lie so complete and pervasive that you believed it for ten years. Accordingly, you got into a marriage based on a lie by her about who she was. Other than the sex itself, I think this is what aggravates me most and this sums up how I feel. I proposed, marri…
/r/askTRP13/07/15 07:18 PM
2

We were exclusive and had been together about 4 years at the point when she cheated. I think the tipping point was she began partying / hanging with a different crowd, received attention from other guys and it just snowballed to the point where she began to hate me. I saw this going on, but I didn't know the extent of it. Any attempts I made to pull her back in backfired because I simply couldn't compete with attention from 'new' guys. She just became more irritated with me. Ah, how naive I was.…
/r/askTRP13/07/15 07:11 PM
16

They were all told it happened with us during a "break", not that it was cheating. We weren't on a break -- maybe just in her mind to alleviate guilt. They were told told not to tell me. Fucked up, I know.
/r/askTRP13/07/15 06:34 PM
–

Grappling.
/r/askTRP
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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