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notbasic4karen Archive

View 7 posts and 356 comments by notbasic4karen on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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18

I have a million of these stories. Context: my dad died and I was/am absolutely heartbroken. My ex saw the entire process from my dad being diagnosed to the battle with cancer for 3 years to his death. The first year after his death was the hardest. My dad’s bday was right after Christmas so the holidays were horrible and I spent them with my ex’s horrible family who didn’t even acknowledge what was going on. I remember when my ex was like “I thought about getting a cake to celebrate your dad’s …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 02:52 AM
4

Wallets for Women!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 03:20 AM
5

I see what you are saying about a specific dollar amount being formulaic and anyone can spend money. I do think if someone makes 6 figures and buys a $5 item and nothing else, that shows they are LV. But I see your point that just because someone spends a lot of money doesn’t mean they are HV.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 06:02 PM
9

I’d honestly agree with this for anyone who is out of college and earning money. They should be saving to give you a nice gift during special occasions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 12:52 AM
42

I’d say that’s entirely accurate. It wasn’t the $5 he spent on lunch meat, it was the lack of effort. It was a red flag that was a pattern, he didn’t put effort into anything, including the engagement.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 12:51 AM
144

I noticed the same thing, and most of women I talk to don’t like sports, but they feel obligated to pretend they do. I’ve heard so many women say they don’t really care about the game but “are trying to care more” and feel pressure to lie about how much they care. Why? Men openly sigh and roll their eyes if they don’t like the show their SO is watching. I can understand trying to take an interest in your loved one’s hobbies but having to fake enthusiasm just seems unnecessary and like trying to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/21 07:06 PM
56

I absolutely agree, not to mention if the artist is talented, no fancy equipment is needed, and if they’re not, there’s not enough money in the world to buy talent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 06:53 AM
18

My ex did this a lot, “I ran into Phil from highschool today and he was talking about what a bad friend you were, he said you were (insert slur here)”. Come to find out these conversations never happened and this person never said that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 07:52 PM
18

I see you met my ex, lol. Same exact thing, he projected his dream-girl fantasies onto me and when he got to know me as a real person, he lost interest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 07:48 PM
52

A great test is the “no test”. Early on in the relationship, tell them “no”. How they react will be revealing. Toxic people will push your boundaries and try to convince you/persuade you. Healthy people will respect your boundaries and respect your no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 07:46 PM
131

Neurodiverse woman here, so I’m not trying to rock the boat and be the pot that calls the kettle black. But the experiences I’ve had with neurodiverse men weren’t great. I have a lot of sensory issues that I at least take accountability for, but I’ve noticed they tend to deny their issues and blame them on everything but themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/21 01:58 AM
29

It’s so gross, as a 33 year old I have nothing in common with guys in their early twenties.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 12:54 AM
20

I didn’t give you permission to post a picture of me before I found FDS (haha jk)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 08:57 AM
96

Takes care of his mental health. Goes to therapy, addresses his trauma, sets boundaries with the people in his life, takes any medication they prescribe him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 08:55 AM
24

Yep. I stayed with a guy who lived like this. I stayed for four years and he never thanked me once.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 01:40 AM
93

Omg, back when I was a pickme, I read this like it was the Bible. I just had a flashback, lol. Thankfully I’ve found the FDS light now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 01:35 AM
307

She needs to lose 180 pounds of loose skin, aka him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 01:34 AM
3

That’s so nice! I didn’t know that about the pineapple. When I was pregnant everyone kept saying it also helped start labor, I wonder if the two are connected somehow.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 01:18 AM
202

Ew. Youth is not an “asset”. My age is a blessing. I’m thankful to live another day because so many people don’t get that privilege. With each year I become wiser and more true to myself. Their obsession with youth is downright creepy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 08:29 PM
10

What kind of weddings are you going to? Your friend group sounds way more fun than mine lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/21 09:44 AM
19

Definitely not “i understand how you feel” for a grownass scrote but they recommend it for toddlers/young children because it helps them develop empathy. Gentle parenting is just how I parent, I’m not trying to tell anyone else what to do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 12:14 PM
156

YES! This is exactly why I’m going the extra mile to not raise my son like that. He’s only 2 years old, and obviously saying “no” and tantrums are developmentally appropriate, but I’m already setting the bar by being like “I’m sorry you’re upset and I understand you don’t want to eat noodles but next time you can just say “no thank you”, you don’t have to scream “NO!!!!!” and throw them on the floor, it’s not okay to treat mommy like that.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 08:33 AM
4

It’s just another way men fail us. Most men still maintain their friends and hobbies after marriage/kids but refuse to do their part in housework and childrearing. If they would step up and take the kids 50% of the time, do laundry, sweep floors then we’d suddenly have a lot more free time. It doesn’t have to be this way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 08:31 AM
15

Yep! I do HelloFresh meals and, although it’s more expensive, it’s worth it for the time being so I can learn cooking skills and try some different recipes I’d never think to try. These guys are fine with paying tons of money for porno but would balk at the cost of a meal kit subscription.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 02:56 AM
1

Well, I hope she and minute man are very happy together 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 02:43 AM
7

I didn’t give you permission to go into my phone and post a pic of me from 6 years ago 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 11:35 PM
23

I was thinking the same thing! Being hungover and wasting a Sunday sounds way more stressful than prepping for an interview. Op, good luck with your interview!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 11:30 PM
42

I’m not bi but I’ve noticed the same thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 11:17 PM
145

One time in college I was seeing a guy and one night he got drunk and told me how he was talking to all these other girls and how I had “competition”. So I said that’s fine, we aren’t exclusive, and later on in the month went on dates with other guys. Well he finds out and sends me all these nasty texts calling me the S word and saying racist things (one of the guys I went out with happened to be black). So I didn’t even respond to his messages and blocked him on everything. Haven’t spoken to hi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 10:07 PM
4

Sorry for the late reply but I absolutely agree. The difference is, frugality only affects the person who is frugal. Cheapness affects other people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 10:59 AM
23

Exactly, I’m not here to convince you that you shouldn’t look at porn as some favor to me, you shouldn’t look at it because you have no interest in it. If he’s into that, we aren’t compatible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 12:50 AM
96

Your last sentence is spot on, notice these people never say men are visual creatures when it comes to cleaning the house, suddenly they can’t “see” the mess. It’s only ever said in regards to sex, smh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/21 05:36 AM
2

“Good, he should go find this mythological perfect woman then. If he’s unhappy to the point of cheating then clearly I will never measure up in his mind. I’m setting him free to be the social butterfly he was always meant to be.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/21 01:27 AM
34

Yep I went to counseling with my abusive ex and I’d be like “his first reaction to my anxiety is to scream at me” and I just got told to “cOmMuNiCaTe”. If a grown adult needs to be told “please don’t yell at me when I’m having an anxiety attack” then they have no hope.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 10:41 AM
14

He probably has a gf and doesn’t want her to see the texts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 10:32 AM
21

Just think of the possibilities the second date could bring, you could go to the local gas station and get a hotdog that’s been sitting under a heat lamp for 4 hrs lol (I hope the /s is obvious but putting it here just in case)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 08:13 AM
8

Sadly, mentally, the answer is probably yes lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 08:10 AM
36

My friend (a woman who dates women) had this happen. She matched with a woman from an app and they hit it off. Fast forward a few messages and it turns out the woman is married, living in the same house and everything as her husband, but she tried to play it off like they were separated but had to stay together on paper due to finances. It was pretty clear the way it was headed that she was going to ask my friend to join them in the bedroom so she ghosted her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 08:05 AM
146

How awful, imagine watching someone you “love” struggle while making 200k. And you know she’s doing 99% of the housework, cleaning, making sure he calls his grandma, buying Christmas presents for his AND her family and making sure he buys new socks when his old ones get crusty from his toe fungus. Oh, don’t forget she has to remind him, a grown man who holds down a 200k job, to get haircuts. But HE needs to have 50-50 lmao
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 08:00 AM
39

To be clear, I wasn’t at all implying it was okay, I think the tweet was awful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 07:35 AM
202

Yet something tells me this guy has a minimum wage job and is in no position to support a housewife and kids. They want us to be tradwives but they aren’t even financially stable enough to be tradhusbands....he probably isn’t even in shape enough to chop firewood lmao
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 02:41 AM
35

I honestly think they’re so brainwashed by society to put their wants second that they are willing to do whatever the man wants. If you ask for marriage before a baby you’re “needy”, which like you’re getting at, is ridiculous if marriage is something you want. Carrying a child and becoming a parent is a huge responsibility, i can only speak for myself but I’d want them to commit legally first.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 01:11 AM
4

I have one child but I’m likely not having anymore for all the reasons you said. In a perfect world without misogyny etc I’d probably have four kids. I love kids and I love being a mom. But I was treated terribly by society during pregnancy, birth and postpartum.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 05:05 AM
7

My dad, although not perfect by any means, was HVM. He taught me that my body was my own and never commented on my weight or sexuality, even when my (shitty) mom did.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 02:53 AM
104

Right exactly. I’m a woman who had similar feelings to the OP when I found out I was pregnant-it was planned, but I was scared and some unresolved childhood trauma stuff came out. I ended up in therapy and on (much needed) medication. And I was the one who was carrying the baby and would have to give birth, plus we all know women end up doing the majority of childcare.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 03:11 AM
7

As someone who spent 10 years in a horrible in-law narcissistic situation, you are absolutely correct, vet the hell out of all of them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 11:26 AM
7

Your last sentence hits the nail on the head and is why I hesitate to call myself a white ally, even though I fully and wholeheartedly support BLM, but I don’t want to come across like it’s a performance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 11:17 AM
5

Definitely understandable, I mean look at the whole Chris Watts thing. The guy killed his entire family just so he could sleep with someone else.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/20 08:29 AM
2

That would make a hell of a wedding speech 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 09:26 AM
28

I hate shit like this. They claim to want a woman who likes sports but they make fun of us when we do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 09:06 AM
3

Yessss! I stopped bleaching my hair. My natural hair color has red undertones so it would take several hours of processing to get my hair blonde, not to mention $$$. All that time and money is being better spent now ♥️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 05:05 AM
5

I agree. I’m an extreme introvert to the point where conversations physically drain me and even I’d never make rules like that for my partner, or even friends and family. If I’ve had a super draining day and I’m burned out I might politely ask for time alone but the idea of making “rules” is so ridiculous. And it doesn’t even sound like he’s like me, he just sounds like he doesn’t want to be bothered by her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 05:00 AM
9

Also I just got some at Target!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 04:51 AM
3

I agree. I could see public speaking skills being one form of intelligence but lots of highly intelligent people aren’t good at interviews and giving speeches, especially on the spot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 04:39 AM
17

I can’t even imagine. Not that I would ever get involved with a married guy, but just hypothetically if I found out he murdered his pregnant wife and own children I would be so sick I’d probably throw up forever and never eat or sleep again. She was just so cold about the whole thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 04:08 AM
28

I’m a big believer in the saying when people show you who they are, believe them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 04:00 AM
25

I see you’ve met my ex, lol. “Jared” used to act like I needed to jump through all these hoops to be perfectly groomed yet he only showered once a week and that was the extent of his hygiene activities.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 07:27 AM
7

This 110%. My work is fast paced/requires a lot of mental concentration (finance industry) and I can get unpredictably busy. I might not text back during work hours but when I get off work I text everyone back (usually sooner). And I only get that level of busy during certain times of the year. We’re talking about someone that doesn’t text back for 3 days, not 3 hours (during work hours)!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 04:41 PM
13

This! If someone really wants to see you, they will. They can do laundry any time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 10:58 AM
8

It’s so gross...it implies they wouldn’t slap him if she wasn’t feeding them? Basically reinforcing the misogynistic notion that women must perform like ponies to be valued. How about you slap (and defriend) anyone you see cheating on their SO whether they fed you or not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 02:49 AM
59

Right?? “You need to dig through the depths of the situation” wtf is there to dig through? He obviously has no integrity, can’t be trusted, and who knows what else he’s lying about. Not to mention him having a baby is a lifelong commitment to another human. Being a stepparent isn’t for everyone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 01:58 PM
3

Yep I use a pillow protector and a pillowcase so mine last a couple years but def not 10
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 02:59 AM
22

I was just about to say, in my small hometown I remember teenagers going to Walmart to walk around with their “date”. Even then my “dates” and I would eat fast food. Sorry (not sorry) as a 32 year old woman I expect more than that and expect him to be able to afford to eat out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 12:23 PM
54

YEP. At least you didn’t make my mistake and marry/ stay ten years with a man who put zero effort into the engagement. It really is a sign of how much he values you more than anything else because what ended up happening is he would put his abusive shitty mom over me. I also think it shows a man’s willingness to want nice things. I’m not a showy, materialistic person, but the things I have I want to be nice so they last. A ring is supposed to last your entire lifetime. I spent more on his birthd…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 11:47 AM
9

This! I like to have time at the end of the night to read and wind down before I go to sleep. I’m an introvert so conversations (even over text) are exhausting for me whereas reading helps me relax.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 11:41 AM
20

😂 “things I expect to hear from my one year old son, not men 30x his age”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/20 12:49 AM
4

Blockity block.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 07:18 PM
66

I hate how the advice, no matter what the problem, is “just communicate”. She literally asked him to go down on her. Do they think shes accidentally speaking a language he isn’t fluent in?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 01:01 AM
30

Maybe they’re some 1800s kids lol. His daughter is a pioneer girl 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 12:03 AM
17

This is for anyone who doesn’t have Snapchat, you can make a solid black box using markup if you hit the + sign and then select the little symbol of the circle and the square.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 11:39 PM
2

Become a bartender 😂 I’m laughing too hard at this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 11:57 AM
7

I bought him “My First Book of Feminism for Boys” at 3 months old and now it’s one of his favorite books. He’s only 19 months so I can’t say whether he’ll be LVM or HVM yet for sure, but I’m doing my best to control the controllables. I’m teaching him it’s okay to express emotions other than anger. You’ll never hear me say “boys don’t cry” or something along those lines.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 01:30 AM
3

I’m so sorry, I hope your son is ok now
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/09/20 12:37 AM
2

Yes!! I was raised in a messy home (parents had some severe issues) and I left home not knowing much about cleaning or how to run a house, but we live in an era where there’s YouTube, there’s cleaning schedules on Pinterest, there’s home management apps and calendar reminders to do certain tasks. I would never expect someone else to do everything in a home where I’m living..not knowing how to clean isn’t an excuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/09/20 12:31 AM
1

Completely agree! And if there is some sort of issue that makes him have a hard time paying attention to these things (ADHD, autism just to name some), there are apps that he can download that can help with household management, but the key is that HE should be self aware and take initiative to remember to mow the lawn/do laundry/etc next time and not keep relying on someone to remind him. He could even set a calendar reminder in his phone to go off once a week.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/09/20 12:27 AM
3

Right! My 18 month old son already grabs a rag and pretends to wipe the table (it’s super cute).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/09/20 12:24 AM
26

Yes and it’s just odd because most people with money don’t feel the need to say they’re millionaires and bring it up every 5 mins. I’m not his accountant but you have to wonder if he has less money than he lets on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/09/20 12:18 AM
28

For me, it was because my parents were abusive/neglectful and I didn’t know better. These things felt normal to me. But since I found FDS, I’ve been doing therapy, I take medication and I’ve been slowly learning about narcissism and red flags. I’m slowly healing and trying to build the life I want.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/09/20 12:14 AM
44

This is exactly what used to happen when I was a pickme. My ex would be out smoking weed and gaming (and prob cheating tbh) and I’d be at home cooking and cleaning, doing his laundry, ffs. As you can imagine, he totally appreciated every bit of it and said thank you and didn’t take a second of it for granted 😂 /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 11:56 PM
9

At least one good thing came out of 2020 lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 06:38 PM
89

I hate when they play dumb. It really is gaslighting. Absolutely no integrity or sense of responsibility taken.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 06:35 PM
14

Oh hell no
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 06:33 PM
2

I think that info is fine..good luck! I really hope he turns out to be a HVM and everything works out. Wishing you the best!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 11:01 AM
7

To add to the last sentence, don’t give too much emotional information. Narcs are good at making you feel like you’ve finally found someone you can connect with, who understands, who listens and gets it. It’s a facade to make you over share so they can use what you tell them against you later. Until you’ve known them for a very long time and you’re absolutely sure you can trust them, be wary about telling them about any past traumas, relationships, childhood issues, etc. i wouldn’t even tell him…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 01:57 AM
9

Omg your last sentence...that would freak me out if a guy said that. I enjoy having an hour or so to myself at the end of the day to scroll on Reddit etc. I’m an introvert and it takes energy to text even if I want to talk to that person. So if I say goodnight it’s not personal ffs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 01:46 AM
14

It’s their lifestyle for sure...all the beer and shitty food choices they make, ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 01:40 AM
9

This is soooo true. There are givers and takers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 01:33 AM
26

I had a similar experience except the guy I dated at 16 was about my age but he was so abusive that I didn’t realize how bad the next guy was because “at least he was better than the first guy” 🙄 so this second guy made me feel broken because I couldn’t orgasm from PIV and he’d refuse to get me off first by oral because “then it won’t be as tight” (..what?) so he wanted to just stick it in...not how it works, buddy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 01:32 AM
40

Yep I did this with my ex once, we were drinking so my inhibitions were low and I wasn’t happy with our sex life in general. I got up and walked out during sex and he flew into a rage. Luckily he didn’t get physically abusive but it’s scary how men can overreact when it comes to their PP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 01:27 AM
8

I was married to a man who refused to turn the heat on in our apartment in the dead of winter with inches of snow in the ground outside. I was wearing my coat to bed every night.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 01:09 AM
10

Wow, I could have written this. My parents didn’t drink or smoke but they had their own version of expensive hobbies while we as kids went without. I’m not sure about you, but there was a lot of gaslighting in my childhood. If I said “I’m thirsty”, it was “no you’re not! You’re fine!” I was always told to suck it up if I expressed a need (not even a want, those didn’t exist). As you can imagine, this creates a dumpster fire when it comes to romantic relationships. I’ve been in so many abusive an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 12:42 AM
24

I think it’s always been this way, it’s just that back in the day we would have married young, right out of highschool, and been stuck with a LVM forever even if we weren’t attracted to him. I’d venture to guess a lot of men became less attractive as they aged back then as well, seeing as a lot of them worked jobs where they were exposed to toxins (coal mining, for example), and smoking and drinking were even more rampant than they are now. I’m glad we are in a place where we can talk about it n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 03:10 AM
28

I’m so sorry...I watched my dad (a HVM) fade away from cancer over the course of 3 years. It’s traumatic to watch someone you love die. I hope you had emotional support to help you process ♥️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 08:51 PM
7

I think he’s getting them from restaurants who do freebies for bdays
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 11:39 AM
6

I’m not the OP you replied to but I know American Eagle makes a line called “mom jeans”. I’m a mom but I’ve yet to try them but all my friends love them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 02:20 AM
20

Plus the bday coupon thing is a turnoff for me. I’m all for saving money...if it was actually his bday and he used a free coupon (on his own time...not a date) but making profiles just to get coupons seems dishonest and sketch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 02:12 AM
12

I’m super into history and old photos :) what’s interesting is that they had their own version of casual dress and formal suits. Some of what we see as formal would have almost been like their version of shorts and tshirts. I just think it’s interesting how fashion changes throughout the years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 02:09 AM
132

And it starts in childhood. A lot of us grow up with our parents telling our brothers to eat eat eat and meanwhile we’re given messages to restrict our calories and diet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 01:09 AM
8

I’m no expert by any means but my thoughts are...what are your long term career goals? Do you want to open a coffee shop or manage a business? (These are random) Become a nurse/teacher/engineer/accountant? I think the first step is deciding on a career that suits your aptitude and is realistic but also would provide you with a stable income.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 12:54 AM
6

YEP. I see this on breaking mom a lot. “He’s been in the bathroom for an hour...who takes that long to poop”. But even if I told them what he’s doing, they wouldn’t be receptive to hear it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 12:29 AM
3

so weird. Plus I don’t know anyone who’s into being the worst version of themselves lol. So generic and goes without saying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 12:18 AM
14

No thanks, I’ll just stay single.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 12:16 AM
56

Right 😂 imagine being in a long term relationship with a man who makes you earn every single thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 12:14 AM
20

Time to blockity block block.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 12:13 AM
26

This is so true. My first bf was 5’4 and I’m 5’6 and he was horribly abusive, especially about my height. He made me feel so, so huge. Looking back at photos I wasn’t thin but I wasn’t nearly as fat as he made me feel. All because he was insecure about his height.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 11:51 PM
2

No thanks. Whoever he’s looking at can just have him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 12:55 AM
1

Yep!! “These types of services exist...google them and find the most cost effective one that meets your needs.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 12:53 AM
29

Unfortunately me...in my pick-me younger days. Not anymore lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 03:38 AM
36

Ugh me too. My Highschool bf was an abusive narcissist and used the blue ball line to coerce me into sex all the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 03:35 AM
8

Exactly. If it’s someone I love and trust and theres been adequate foreplay, this position hits the right spot for me. I wouldn’t meet someone in a bar and do this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 03:33 AM
214

My son’s father got praised for taking him to a party “bY hImSeLf”. I was sitting by my father’s death bed when he had cancer. Yes, it must have been so hard to take him to a drinking party where he slept in his car seat while you drank beer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 03:31 AM
22

I can’t with people like this. Just sign up for Blue Apron/Hello Fresh/something similar. He gets basic instructions and the ingredients are laid out in front of him but his wife doesn’t have to do the cooking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 03:28 AM
9

Right lol it’s like “I’m weirdly attracted to breathing oxygen and eating food and drinking water”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 02:20 AM
3

My ex in-laws were like this! “We are in town...will be at your house in 2 min”...no. It’s a Sunday. This is my day to relax and catch up on chores (I have a child..I am grocery shopping, doing laundry, cleaning and packing his lunch for the next day. He’s 1.5 so he can’t do it himself lol). We are getting divorced partially because of them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 02:15 AM
18

To add to this, this is exactly why you should get your own career and be financially independent. Any relationship we have should simply augment our lives, we shouldn’t need the relationship to provide for us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 07:59 PM
13

That’s not even that weird lol most people are drawn to the ocean.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 07:55 PM
9

Do you pour your kombucha over ice??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 12:57 AM
2

Right. If someone doesn’t drink, they don’t drink. It’s actually really rude to ask why or try to change their mind.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 12:55 AM
4

This actually makes a lot of sense. They don’t seem to be attracted to us emotionally at all and seem to look down on feminine traits while holding other men in high regard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 12:45 AM
1

Omg I know right. Did he post “we just had sex for the first time!!”?? How awkward and tacky.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 12:02 AM
1

The problem isn’t that 32 year old women (like myself) are ugly, the problem is we think he’s ugly and therefore he can’t get a gf his own age.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 01:23 AM
1

Could be a spray tan gone wrong
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 12:59 AM
3

Yep dated one of those back in the day before I had a kid. He’d pull the “my kids come first” card to go no-contact with me for long stretches, then I found out he wasn’t even with his kids when he used that line.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 12:30 AM
65

And it’s almost always the man who proposes! Why go through that if you don’t want to?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 12:16 AM
100

I participated in a thread like that...the woman was defending her LVM saying like “that’s his baby girl, he doesn’t want to see her like that”....what...? Isn’t that implying their attracted to literal babies? Brb bleaching my brain after even writing that sentence 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 12:13 AM
75

Sounds like he’s worried he’s the ugly one in group photos lol....the smeller is the feller.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 12:10 AM
16

This woman is so toxic..I hate all her posts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 07:44 PM
3

Right lol like where does he work? Do they not have clocks? Is he not allowed to have his phone or wear a watch? Sounds like an intense job lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 07:34 PM
5

I think they’re socialized to think it’s cute but I agree...not for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 07:04 PM
26

Most of my PickMe friends and family actually brag about this stuff in a relationship before kids come along. They’ll pack his suitcase/wait on him hand and foot/pack his meals for work. Then the baby is born and they end up with ppd/Ppa because suddenly he expects her to take care of a baby AND him and she’s finding it unsustainable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 06:54 PM
11

What’s she doing now?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 06:14 PM
22

It’s so true. I have the innie one and basically have little to no labia minora which in my case means I have trouble orgasming unless it’s clitoral with a vibrator. Prolly tmi but we are talking about vaginas here lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 09:45 PM
20

I know, I wanna puke
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 09:44 PM
13

LOL i love this. “How did you know I killed all those people??? I knew I’d get caught eventually! blocks”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 09:18 PM
3

I hope she shoves the cactus up his butt
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 03:24 AM
22

He sounds cute /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 03:17 AM
3

I can’t speak for him but my narcissistic ex would lie just because it was a habit. He lied to everyone even when it was easier to tell the truth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 02:54 AM
4

Not only is it nonsexual...I was like anti sexual when I was BFing lol. My sex drive was 0. I swear it’s evolutionary. My body didn’t want me to think about making another human when I already had one that needed milk 24/7 so sex was off the table.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 02:52 AM
79

I’m so sorry this happened to you! If he’s anything like my NVM narcissist ex, there never was an Uber transaction and he’s holding the belongings.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 01:26 PM
8

These scrotes are getting so lazy they can’t even put effort into their negs anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 08:29 AM
16

And not to mention, we are conditioned by society from the time we are in the womb to be givers. We are taught that it’s normal for people to push our boundaries. We are socialized to give give give until we have nothing left. I know donating an organ might be on the extreme side of things but in reality it could happen to any one of us if we get into a relationship with a master manipulator who we develop strong feelings for. We will go above and beyond for someone we think we love.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 08:26 AM
86

The only thing that he’s fucking is his hand. I can’t even see PickMes going after that shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 08:17 AM
35

Definitely. Another interesting thing I’ve heard recently is that a lot of women who were diagnosed with BPD are actually on the autism spectrum but they were misdiagnosed because of the way autism presents in girls/women, our symptoms can be totally different than men’s. (I’m not saying you or anyone diagnosed with BPD is on the spectrum...I am on it and I just found this to be fascinating). The medical model is so geared towards boys and men that we often get left in the dust.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 07:15 AM
4

In my experience usually around the 3 month mark
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 06:43 AM
8

Right I feel like if it’s a medical issue he needs to get some sort of medical device like a bed pan they use in hospitals or one of those pee jugs they give you when they want you to collect your urine
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 08:59 PM
64

Right lol there isn’t anything to communicate at that point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 08:16 PM
59

I love that about this sub so much. I used to never be able to articulate why the “cOmMuNiCaTe” thing bothered me, til I came here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 08:15 PM
4

Are we talking about the character of Frank Gallagher or the actor?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 03:25 AM
13

At least guys are being honest now lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 03:21 AM
4

Well at least the next generation of Ted Bundies arent fucking around and just straight up post it on their profile that they’re going to kill us. Makes it easier to weed them out i supposed /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 04:16 AM
163

Yep....if a man is stingy with you while dating he will be stingy with your children and home while continuing to buy himself luxuries.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 04:05 AM
4

I love how the button says upgrade now lol. I wish you could press a button to upgrade a lvm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/20 06:38 AM
51

I’ve wondered about the mental health professional thing. I know abusive people are master manipulators but it’s hard to believe the professional misses all the signs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 08:32 AM
14

That’s so sad. You can tell how much she loves her mom and how stuck she is in an impossible choice-watch her mom suffer or do unpaid emotional labor. I’d say she should start charging her dad and brother for the labor but it sounds like they barely reimburse her for the gifts THEY made her purchase.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 08:27 AM
23

He’s a great example of someone we block and delete.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 02:18 AM
3

To quote a wise one-year-old, “that’s just yucky”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 02:07 AM
93

Omg the deflection. I used to date a guy like this. Everything I said was sexualized. Can’t even spend a wholesome day at the beach without “send bikini pics”. They really think we only exist for their pleasure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 07:40 PM
6

Good, we don’t want their crusty asses anyway lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 02:13 AM
51

I’m on the spectrum and this isn’t an autism thing....this is just an asshole. I have a beautiful son that I wouldn’t choose anything over.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 02:12 AM
86

$10 says he quits the job by the end of the week.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 02:01 AM
5

Yep. It’s like the trope of the guy who gets abused by his boss at work so he comes home and kicks his golden retrievers
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 08:20 AM
5

Right lol even seeing it written makes me want to throw something. I’ve had even therapists tell me this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 08:00 AM
7

Right?? People in the comments are talking about how they’re “tearing up”over how “wholesome” this is. I feel like I’m in the Twilight Zone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 07:45 AM
20

Right lol I’m a mommy (who loves cleaning too) of a 1 year old and I won’t even let him get away with that shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 02:33 AM
39

Omg yes. And I strongly believe there are mental health issues at play to be able to live like this in the first place. Not judging him for that but it’s something that needs to be addressed before he can be a HVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 02:32 AM
28

That’s like this guy I used to talk to (luckily never met in person even though I was a PickMe). Someone had given me a stuffed animal of a wolf and he started turning it into a sexual thing “I’m your wolfey/rawr/sexual innuendos”. It would be years before i found FDS but even THEN I knew there was something creepy about a guy who would unsolicitedly sexualize a stuffed animal. This guy went on to hit on me/try to start an online emotional affair while I was married (which I declined lol).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 02:01 AM
18

There isn’t enough Mrs Meyers in the world to wipe away that shit
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 01:50 AM
25

Sorry to hear you’re in an abusive household and jobless. I was in the same situation once and unfortunately I also had to use a LVM to get out of my situation. I moved in with him because I was escaping my abusive parents and had nowhere to go. Luckily 14 years later, I have long since left him and now have a masters degree and job. I just wanted to give you some hope that things can get better and hopefully you won’t need him forever :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 08:39 PM
14

Ironically breastfeeding has made me the opposite of horny lol. By the end of the day I’m like “no touch plz”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 11:13 PM
22

and it’s just like...sleeping with a HVM won’t turn him into a LVM. The reason why I don’t have sex isnt that. It’s because it weeds out the LVM from HVM, the latter is willing to wait and doesn’t care whether or not they have sex 24/7.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 02:28 AM
10

It’s so true. Men not listening is normalized but somehow they have no problem listening to sports/podcasts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 11:23 AM
10

I agree with everything you’re saying. I’d just like to add this for anyone who happens to be reading who gets married after already having kids. Make sure you get some sort of prenup or legal document to protect your kids’ assets/inheritance in the event of your passing. A normal will might not be good enough, I’m not sure, definitely worth talking to a lawyer. Make sure it’s somewhere where someone other than your spouse has access to it. It’s a long story, but basically my stepmother fucked m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 11:17 AM
6

I’m convinced this is where TRP gets the myth of “women hit the wall at 30”. There is no wall, we don’t get less attractive, it’s that we get smarter and less naive therefore less likely to take their shit. We run at the first sign of gaslighting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 10:05 AM
3

Same here but I think young women have been groomed their whole lives to accept this kind of treatment as “that’s just how it is”. Disney and all those early 00s rom-coms certainly didn’t help.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 10:03 AM
2

So many rom coms have all these gross issues. I can’t believe I grew up watching this shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 09:48 AM
10

I think these scrotes actually believe it’s their young daughter’s responsibility to cook and clean just because she has female genitalia. It’s so fucked up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 09:42 AM
8

Spoiler alert: sex with this guy is boring and mediocre. He ignores you 99.9% of the time. He has the personality of a foot. And his dick smells like cheese.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 04:35 AM
1

Omg I HATE those things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 04:26 AM
6

No way. A HVM who is married would maintain professionalism and wouldn’t be flirting at work. From your text, it seems like you understand the situation. He viewed you as a sex object (which is incorrect, as women are people and not objects that exist for male consumption). Once you began working remotely, you were no longer on his mind. He probably moved on to a cam girl or porn. You are now free to move on to better, brighter things in your future than some mediocre mid-level manager.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 04:22 AM
13

I’m also on the spectrum and I agree. Michael didn’t mean to make the bow girl upset by making such a formal date and he immediately brought her belongings and made sure she left the restaurant safely. Then he took her on another date which was less formal since that’s what she wanted. He seemed genuinely concerned for her well-being. I didn’t really see any examples of lovebombing unless I missed something?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 02:38 AM
3

No thanks, Joe. I can afford my own tacos.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 02:30 AM
11

Low effort is so true. This is the type of guy who will forget your birthday when he’s your bf/husband. And don’t expect anything for Valentine’s Day or any other significant event.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 02:17 AM
8

If it wasn’t for FDS, I’d seriously wonder where these guys grew up and why they don’t have dinner in their culture.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 02:14 AM
3

The real determinant of true love: whether you enjoy theme parks or not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 02:09 AM
14

I’m good lol Id rather not die of a heart attack by age 40 from eating like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 01:50 AM
24

His side chicks 😂 jk
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 01:49 AM
14

Jokes on them because my son is like 99.9% me lol. It’s like he’s my mini clone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 02:21 AM
10

Yet they’re the ones shitting in the bowl....yuck
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 02:18 AM
23

Lol right...it’s not like you hired a clown to juggle while you brush your teeth...it’s a person who cleans your shared living space.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 02:14 AM
31

There would be mandatory paid time off each month for sure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 02:08 AM
11

Exactly..it’s about disrespecting you a little at a time. The gaslighting, omg. “I never said that, why are you getting so mad, that never happened” okay Chad 👌🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 12:38 PM
22

I could see this and it makes sense seeing as how anti-gay our culture has historically been for males. Sexuality is probably a lot more fluid than we realize. When boys start to develop feelings for other males, they get defensive and freak out. So it gets repressed and results in all the behaviors you described, and ends in a culture where we hate women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 12:31 PM
16

Yeah the phone thing is super weird. It’s like you said, it’s not like we’re saying he has to have the latest iPhone but you can get an older smartphone for almost next to nothing. The thing about working in a supermarket is, it comes across like he has no ambition. What are his long term goals? You are only 21 and I remember not thinking very far ahead when I was around that age, but you deserve security in the future. A nice house, retirement. If you want kids one day, you want a partner who c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 10:54 AM
19

I hate when people say stuff like that about little kids. “My one year old is such a diva” ummm, no. She’s 1. I have a toddler son and he acts like that too, it’s called being a little kid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 10:47 AM
40

What he’s describing is ptsd from inter generational trauma. It’s not up to his partner to fix it or even put up with it. I grew up in an environment like this and I’ve spent my entire adult life trying to overcome it and break the cycle, not perpetuate it ffs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 07:32 AM
4

It’s so true. I was that woman once. They look for people who grew up in abusive households and are easy to targets.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 07:13 AM
11

Right lol not to mention he’s not looking so great himself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 03:07 AM
4

“Because they do...they’re full of power from the men I eat”. (It goes without saying..Don’t actually say any of this...just block lol)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 03:03 AM
21

Did you see the one called “the autumn sea” where he just peed in bottles for eons?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 02:57 AM
58

I’m honestly so sad for his girls. I know a guy like this. The wife is a pickmeisha. They got pregnant, the sparklers or whatever at the gender reveal were pink, and they were so upset on camera that they couldn’t even post the photos. She literally said to me, “there’s always next time!” Then they had the baby and immediately started trying again, got pregnant again. It’s a girl again. They were sooo upset. The baby is due next month and they are already talking about trying for a 3rd. I told h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 02:53 AM
22

Yep!! My ex never raped or (obviously) murdered me, but he was abusive and the boundaries thing is so huge. If you say “I’m just comfortable with this”, does he try to cross that even just a little? For example....I said I wasn’t into anal. No offense if you are, it’s just not for me. I’ve never done it and I have no desire to. When I said that, he was like “yep np at all, don’t blame you!” But then after a few months, he’d slowly work it into conversation. And then slowly try to get me to “try …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 02:48 AM
7

Right. I’m imagining this guy as a husband. He’s the type who would “be too busy at work” to text back when you have a quick question. Or conveniently ignore you and your needs. You saved yourself the next 30 years of misery.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 02:43 AM
10

I think you’re making the right choice. I’ve been to the dentist and still had plenty of time to send a quick text while in the waiting room. I agree it’s weird he didn’t set a time the day before, but even the day of, he could have texted in the morning and said he was heading to the dentist/running errands. It’s not like you wanted him to text his life story! Just set a damn time to video chat. Lol. If you had gotten into a relationship, I have a feeling you’d always be an afterthought on his …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 02:41 AM
8

Exactly. My first boyfriend, in highschool, was verbally and emotionally abusive. I was so groomed from my abusive home life that I didn’t think it was unusual that he’d call me names and scream at me. Thankfully I’ve gone no-contact with my abusive parent and had lots of therapy and I’m in a much better place now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 02:31 AM
20

They’re probably trying to justify getting back with/staying with their cheating husbands 🤦🏼‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 02:25 AM
6

Absolutely...I bought a doll and toy stroller for my toddler son.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 02:15 AM
2

I’m an extreme introvert and I couldn’t date an extrovert. No offense to anyone extroverted....we just wouldn’t be compatible. They enjoy having a full calendar and being around tons of people and I enjoy quiet time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 04:51 PM
40

It hits below the belt because I used to be like that back in the day. Thankfully now I’m in a better place and don’t feel the need to perform.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 02:39 AM
25

I’d hold him to that literally and make him do everything once the child is older. Drive the carpool? Check. Plan/shop for/prepare/bring snacks for the soccer team? Check. Plan and execute elaborate bday parties? Check. He’d be doing it all and more while I relax with a beverage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 02:35 AM
70

I’d guess that her parents were abusive and/or neglectful. My parents were like this, and this reminds me of relationships I’d been in. I was never pressured to be pimped out, but I’d go above and beyond to make my exes happy in bed. I’d put up with them saying the most awful, vile things. Either way..I agree she needs psychological help. I had to get therapy to help me be less of a people pleaser.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 08:06 AM
13

I’m so sorry she acted this way. This has also been my experience dealing with that generation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 02:22 AM
10

I agree! I’m not OP but if I had shown my former pickme friends a similar conversation and said I felt off they’d be like “gIvE hIm A cHaNcE”. The gaslighting is unreal and makes women doubt themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 08:03 PM
11

What a keeper
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 01:28 AM
8

He’s just bitter that he’ll die alone without having a chance to buy a beautiful gift for a woman. Probably in his parents’ basement with his hand in the pizza roll bag...lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 07:20 PM
1

But they used the word man to refer to the males, how hard is it to refer to the females as women in the same sentence?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 06:36 PM
2

It’s very dehumanizing! It’s only acceptable when, like you said, used as an adjective (“my local fire department just hired their first female firefighter”. If you notice, when it’s used in situations like the above, they always refer to the male humans as men yet the women are referred to as females.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 06:35 PM
10

Women really can’t win. I’m so fair skinned that my skin doesn’t tan, just burns, and I’ve been told my whole life I look unhealthy/pasty/need a tan.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 06:23 PM
14

Also dump anyone who says you “look beautiful when you cry”. Don’t be like younger me and date them for four years. So many red flags.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 06:03 PM
5

It’s a good vetting process. When a white guy asks these kinds of questions about what races I’ve been with I know he’s racist and the date/relationship is over.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 03:59 AM
2

And racism at its finest!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 03:58 AM
1

Racism is why.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 03:57 AM
20

Yes!! Learn from my mistakes...vetting the family is just as important as vetting the man. Tip: if the mom goes on an ableist rant the first time you meet her about how she doesn’t want disabled-friendly swings at the park, run like the wind.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 01:59 AM
39

Yep, even in-laws once you are married. I made this mistake for years. One day I just dropped off the family group chat and stopped showing up to events 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 01:49 AM
1

That’s awesome...that’s how I felt when I was breastfeeding and therefore wasn’t getting a period every month. I have PMDD so the week before, I’m literally suicidal, and then there’s the lovely week where I’m bleeding, so basically it was freedom for about a year before my period came back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 01:46 AM
4

And these men will never have to endure labor, not to mention invasive cervical checks during labor. The cervical checks were almost worse than pushing him out, but god forbid a guy experiences a bit of discomfort.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 01:42 AM
44

I’m a mom and I love my son more than anything but I respect anyone else’s decision to be childfree. I absolutely think a lot of the posts on BM are abusive. I’m with you, it reminds me of my own childhood. I grew up with a mom who hated being a parent and it showed. They might think their kids have no idea they’re resented, but they’re wrong. I totally agree that a lot of those women just had kids because it’s checking a life box and now they regret it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 07:20 AM
20

This is sooo accurate. We were friends for 10 years and I’d drop everything to hang out even when I wasn’t single. The minute she got into a relationship I went from seeing her once a week to only when her Bf (now husband) had plans with his friends. She’d never initiate plans unless he already had a guys’ night scheduled and she was bored. I slow faded because I couldn’t deal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 01:35 AM
15

I was told this by a LVM in college. Then he got drunk and went on a racist and anti-Semitic rant and I ghosted him because I want nothing to do with someone who thinks that way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 01:30 AM
122

Yep. I’m a huge believer that so many women are diagnosed with anxiety because of sexism. The protocol is to prescribe us SSRIs when in fact we are having a normal reaction to our environment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 01:28 AM
17

To people who say this shit, I wanna ask how many comments are enough. If one comment isn’t enough, is it two? Twenty? Fifty? If OP marries him and leaves after 20 years of abuse, those same people will be like “wHy DiDn’T yOu JuSt LeAVE???”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 12:04 PM
32

They want someone 18 because they want someone who mentally is not developed enough to see through their BS. It has nothing to do with looks and everything to do with control. They want a child who naively believes them when they lie and fawns over their BS stories.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 12:01 PM
2

I’d do it if he was packing my lunch/the kids’ lunches on a regular basis. Or if he was sick or had a particularly bad/busy morning. But I’m so turned off at the idea of doing it every day and getting nothing in return because I had a relationship like that and it sucked. My next relationship needs to be give/take on both sides, not one person (aka the woman) just giving giving giving.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/20 01:51 AM
43

Exactly. It’s understandable that I pack my 18 month olds lunch and I obviously don’t resent it but I’m not packing my 33 year old husband. He can go hungry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 02:56 AM
15

Yep I have a son. She made my entire pregnancy about herself and then made so many rude comments to me once he was born, from anything from as a newborn him being too hot/cold in her mind to the foods I was feeding him when he was older (apparently lemons are unacceptable but she can feed him ice cream). My husband never stood up to her and I was miserable and couldn’t live life like that anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 10:55 PM
218

Before I found FDS i thought I was the only woman in the world who refused to pack lunch for my partner. When I was married, my husband would go to work without a lunch and be hungry all day. He would come home ravished and he would never learn to pack something. I still refused to pack it. I’m working full time too, and no one packs my lunch. My son is only 1.5 but I’m teaching him to pack his own lunch starting as soon as he’s able to. It’s not about me being lazy, it’s about not training the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 10:12 PM
3

Exactly this...no woman will ever be “good enough” for this guy in his mind. His soul is ugly and it shows. Even if you were Beyoncé, he’d find a way to put you down, because that’s who he is. It never had anything to do with your looks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 10:08 PM
3

I’m sorry this happened to you. I understand how much guys like that can F with your head, and I totally get the need revenge feeling. But the best revenge is blocking him and living well. Study hard in your program, make a ton of amazing friends, and have wonderful experiences. Make him a blip on the radar when it comes to your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 10:06 PM
17

My marriage ended for this exact reason.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 09:56 PM
17

I’m dying over these comments. Someone is breaking in and showering? It’s coming through the vents but only somehow ending up in the shower? Someone is trying to suggest it’s his pubic hair, LOL that would be some longass pubes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 10:05 AM
27

Oh yeah, I’ve noticed this in society in general. I’ve had abusive LVM ruin my reputation by saying I “cheated” (I didn’t) when I tried to break up with them. Yet when he was actually cheating and ended up in a relationship with this girl and getting her pregnant, everyone was silent and supportive of him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 09:01 AM
21

Exactly! Him having an affair is way more likely than a whole ass stranger secretly living in the attic. If it was one hair, one time, I’d say MAYBE there’s a chance it came from the street or air vent. But if she’s cleaning her bathroom and removing the hairs and they come back....how in the world does that not point to an affair?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 08:59 AM
5

Exactly. Never again will I date a man who says stuff like that. Why does their significant other need to know “their type”? If you’re their SO, YOU should be their type and they shouldn’t be discussing that with you. As someone who is attracted to men, even when in a relationship I find other men attractive, but since I’m monogamous I’d never act on it and my SO certainly doesn’t need to know about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 07:24 AM
3

Yep. I would test this in a past relationship. He’d openly talk about other women, so I started openly commenting on how hot guys were. He would get soooo jealous and say stuff like “Jesus do you want me to get you his number?”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 07:20 AM
27

I honestly think it originates before they’re even born. When I was pregnant, the minute people found out I was having a son, they started giving me onesies that said “chick magnet” and stuff like that. I threw them away. Meanwhile, baby girl clothing says things like “Daddy says I can’t date til I’m 40”. The message: men are consumers, women are consumable goods. It’s so gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 07:16 AM
10

Guaranteed she’s never had an orgasm by any of these guys.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 07:09 AM
8

“I’m sorry I guess I can’t joke anymore ever again”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 06:55 AM
26

Exactly. OP-if you hadn’t responded the way you did, his next move would be like “so wanna come watch a movie and chill in an hour or so?” But the fact you called him out, he’s like OMG NO HOW DARE YOU THINK THAT. Like someone else said, he’s gaslighting 101. I’m just glad you had the sense to run. I can’t say I was as smart in the past as you were!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 02:32 AM
4

Yes!! “Hey babe, can we discuss XYZ problem?” Them: “YOU HATE ME”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 02:12 PM
49

I’ve never had anal sex and my mind just doesn’t go there so I thought he was referring to vaginas lol. The fact that it’s a butthole is even worse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 11:21 AM
14

Same here. I let certain friendships be on life support for years because I didn’t want to feel abandoned. But I slowly realized I wasn’t getting what I needed out of these relationships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 02:42 AM
21

Yep and I can only speak from personal experience but when I was with someone like this, the root cause was their mom was a narcissist and their whole family was this tangled web or golden children and scapegoats and they had never learned to love themselves because their parents couldn’t love them. Even if they have a good heart, I’d advise against pursuing a relationship with someone like this, because you can’t fix them or their family dynamic, and my guy couldn’t stand up for himself therefo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 02:40 AM
38

What a whiny man-child. Poor baby actually has to take care of the kids he made while his wife gets a doctorate to help support their family.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 02:29 AM
39

Right lol it’s the whole damn orchard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 08:42 AM
2

For me, the bpd/narcissist i had amazing chemistry with was trauma bonding bc the dynamic between us was very similar to the one in the house I grew up in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 10:56 PM
3

😂 this is seriously the advice you’ll get not only in other subs, but from professional therapists. Do they really think everything will be solved by going? “honey, when you record me and upload my videos to porn sites, it makes me feel sad.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 09:24 PM
2

Guys sending dick pics has to be a power move in their minds.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 09:22 PM
7

I honestly think part of being HV is getting to know the person you’re dating and doing things that bring them joy. It involves having the emotional intelligence to listen to them when they state their preferences. Men who date you could probably deduce from the first couple of dates that you work an intense job/don’t enjoy chitchat. Same for someone who enjoys those types of messages.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 09:10 PM
9

Yes!!! So tired. I love this comment so much. I mean you might have read my diary because I was that young woman, spending years in a dead relationship after I was wooed in the beginning and then left with crumbs after he felt he “had” me. You are so spot on, the old him can’t come back because that person never existed. Love it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 08:57 PM
40

Yeah definitely. Imagine being married to someone like this. He’d have to have his way alllll the time. The way he speaks to you at first is the way he’ll always speak to you. It won’t get better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 08:27 PM
18

Wow. She sounds like a narcissist for sure. Good riddance!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 07:22 PM
18

Yep. The most sociopathic man I ever dated said stuff like this. He was intimidated by my career in finance and my MBA so he’d say things like “at least you work, most women don’t.” Lmao what? Most women don’t work?? News to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 07:13 PM
20

Right lol we all know the holocaust started when Hitler took his wife out to a nice dinner. /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 07:09 PM
13

I love how he compares you wanting to go on a real date with the genocide of millions of people. He must be feeling sooooo oppressed lol..
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 07:04 PM
4

I hope I hit the wall sooner rather than later. I have no interest in lvm who care about things like this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 02:24 AM
1

Me too!! Yep exactly...his property forever
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 12:23 PM
62

Lol exactly. Especially if they order drinks, $80 is kinda normal depending on the geographical location. If they’re in a decent-sized city and he makes a respectable living, that shouldn’t be breaking his bank to the point where he feels the need to send this message. If he’s that broke, he needs to get his finances in order before dating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 03:11 AM
108

I love her and don’t blame her in the least. These men just view us as housekeepers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/20 03:06 AM
1

Omg this is hilarious 😂 now I am going to play that song.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 01:48 AM
6

I love telling this story of my great grandma. Like you said, it was a different time in which leaving your husband wasn’t something you did. But her husband had a drinking problem and was abusive so she packed her bags, and her two children and left him. She ended up being a homeowner and business owner running a boarding house where people would pay her to rent a room in her house for money. I know her situation was unusual for her time, I just love telling that story.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 01:35 AM
9

Yeah the alarm clock and appointment thing baffles me. And not only do pickmes have to get him to appointments, they’re expected to call and make the appointments for their husband! I can barely manage my own calendar and my son (he’s 1 so we’ll cut him some slack) I’m sure as hell not managing a grown man’s.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 01:31 AM
17

Right I mean I can understand each person having time for hobbies/winding down after work but this sounds like it’s only him getting to do his “hobby” and it sounds like it’s every day. If she was at an art class or out with girlfriends while he was doing this, ok cool. But it sounds like she’s sitting around waiting to refill his beer and high five him when he gets a kill or whatever (I don’t play the games so idk the lingo lol)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 01:22 AM
20

Are pickmes still spoonfeeding or have they resorted to chewing up the food and mouth-feeding like he’s a baby bird? /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 01:20 AM
12

I’m so turned off by the pic of him gaming that I can literally feel my ovaries shriveling into my body.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 01:19 AM
8

This 💯. He wouldn’t put in the effort for anyone, even when they meet whatever arbitrary, imaginary standards he thinks he has. Even if he faked it for a date or so, his true colors would show sooner than later.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 01:15 AM
5

I hate the term and concept of a man cave so much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 01:12 AM
54

I have a story like this. Dated a guy in my teens. He was my first bf, first guy I slept with. This guy lies constantly. If he told you it was raining out, I’d recommend checking for yourself because he’s probably lying. In other words, he would lie about everything, all the time, even dumb things. He was constantly manipulating me. He did the “blue balls” speech and me being a naive teenage girl, I fell for it and would sleep with him. I’m a person with a lot of empathy and it’s easy to get tak…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 08:10 AM
2

I gave him his present, granted it wasn’t anything major but we had just started dating and I was making minimum wage. His eyes got wide and he ran out the door and went to the CVS next door and came back with a bunch of random stuff including the bologna. He’s like “well, you like bologna sandwiches!” LOL. Which looking back is hilarious because CVS has those cheap bouquets of flowers and cards. Even that would have been better than bologna.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 07:08 PM
5

Man: says something completely racist, misogynistic, homophobic and crass Woman: That’s not cool Man: OHMYGOD I CANT EVEN JOKE ANYMORE, IM NEVER TALKING AGAIN
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 03:37 AM
2

I’d absolutely love it if someone did this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 03:35 AM
3

Same here...I didn’t have a lot of friends in highschool. I had an abusive home life and my parents were really neglectful so I wore weird clothes/didn’t have the best hygiene and I would often just repeat the weird things I heard at home. Luckily my life since highschool has been amazing and I’ve made really good friends since then. I’d like to think my peak still hasn’t happened and I’m 32 whereas this guy seems to have peaked in HS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 03:31 AM
3

I hope she left him the minute she recovered from the C section.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 03:10 AM
2

I’m so sorry your grandma is going through that. Watching someone you love slowly fade away is absolutely horrendous ♥️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 03:04 AM
3

I’ve also read that men will apply for jobs they are under qualified for and still high ball their salary negotiations, whereas women tend to say “I’m not qualified for that job, I’m not even going to try” and tend to low ball their salary request because they don’t feel they’re worth the money.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 02:45 AM
3

Yep I had this same issue at a previous job. It was a horrible case of micromanagement and any time I would speak up I was gaslighted as “overreacting”. Then I was pregnant and it was “pregnancy hormones” (which I should have called HR for being talked to like that).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 02:40 AM
2

This is accurate and even if there is food ready, the entire kitchen is a complete mess that the female partner is usually expected to clean after the “meal”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 02:29 AM
4

Yep. People just hate women. I posted before about how I had sent myself flowers on the first anniversary of my dad’s death because I knew my at-the-time husband wouldn’t do anything like that to acknowledge it even tho he admitted he remembered that it was that day. People were like “did you even give him a chance to buy you flowers???” ROFL. Only about 10 years worth of chances to do meaningful gestures like that, but thanks for the great insight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 02:18 AM
1

I have the same type of porcelain skin and you can see all the little veins in my eyelids and I always hated it Til my son was born, now I love that we have the same eyelids.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 09:33 PM
5

Yeah like I’m generally a silly kind of person with my close friends and family but never make a joke at their expense. He sounds super uptight himself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 09:30 PM
6

And I’m teaching my son consent/to respect boundaries and to call out his buddies if he sees them not doing to same or talking like this amongst themselves
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 09:29 PM
6

He’s really bad at math lmao
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 09:26 PM
11

And then they’ll emotionally abuse her because her “bOdY iS rUiNeD”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 09:24 PM
24

It’s shit right out of the Bible/Handmaid’s tale where only women can be “barren” (hate that word). Men are never the problem because apparently sperm don’t exist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 09:22 PM
7

If 90% of my eggs were gone at 30 where the hell did my son come from at 31 from one night of unprotected sex lmao. This guy sounds like he’s new to math.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 09:21 PM
69

😂 so true. I literally got bologna from CVS as a Valentines Day gift once. Like the sliced bologna with a red ring 😂 I can’t.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 08:11 PM
6

It’s amazing how much peace you can find after leaving, so glad you got out of that mess.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 04:58 PM
40

Right lol my vagina permanently closed after reading all that
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 08:03 AM
18

Wow, watch a catch /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 08:01 AM
82

Oh my god yes. Never again will I fall for this. It’s the little things you don’t think about that add up. It’s bad enough to be in charge of our child’s (1 year old) appointments, buying/preparing/packing his daycare food, clipping his nails , bathing him, keeping his hair neat, going through his clothes and mending anything stained or broken or throwing it out/switching out seasonal wear/anything that doesn’t fit. Apparently, I was supposed to be in charge of noticing when he, a 33 year old ma…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 07:57 AM
8

Ugh, same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 07:27 AM
5

I also feel like even if he owned the franchise, I still wouldn’t want him to take me there. It sounds like he would expect us to eat there all the time just because he owned it, and that’s just not for me. I like farm to table type places and ethnic food and I want someone who has the same taste in food. HVM isn’t just about money for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 10:28 PM
43

Apparently lol. She’s not allowed to go to bars lmao
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 07:08 AM
49

That’s def assault :( I’m sorry this happened to you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 07:03 AM
8

Right! When people are literally telling you who they are, believe them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 03:23 AM
2

Oh my god! That’s just...there are no words. Just be glad you didn’t marry him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 11:21 AM
3

Me too! Then I realized if I’m already being the only adult in the house I might as well make it official. Turns out you have less to clean when you don’t have a fully dependent able-bodied adult messing up the house.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 10:04 AM
2

You’re making the right choice to run. I spent 10 years being gaslighted like this. I grew up in a similar economic situation as you where a $14 school activity would have been stretching it and my ex grew up in the best school district in our city...think multi-million dollar homes. Any time I would talk about my childhood I was talked over and made to feel sorry for him because he didn’t live in the richest house in his rich neighborhood therefore he knew what it was like to grow up poor lmao.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 10:00 AM
1

Oh my god yes. I hope she dumps the guy in the pic...you don’t want to be married to a stingy cheap ass. I’ve been there done that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 09:41 AM
2

I just wish I had FDS before I met my now ex husband. The first red flag was our first “date” when he took me to Hardee’s and made me pay half and then acted offended and said “oh, did you want me to pay”. I stupidly thought it was because we were in college at the time but now I realize he always had money for beer and fast food for himself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 09:39 AM
3

I agree with this...the problem I have with men who want to get Hardee’s on a first date is exactly this...it’s about seeing who this man really is. If he’s not willing to plan the first date then I’m signing myself up for 60+ years of a low-effort “oops I forgot your bday” type of life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 03:13 AM
3

The military thing makes sense. Also this is completely anecdotal but all of the military guys I’ve dated have cheated on either me or someone else they dated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 09:03 AM
3

Lol yep...I might approach him to ask if his mama is nearby because he looks about 12 to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 09:02 AM
13

Yep exactly. Men aren’t little dogs to be kept on leashes. If you don’t trust him to where you have to make this shirt, he’s not worth your time. The young ladies look so young to me and have their whole lives ahead of them, no sense in wasting it on a LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 09:00 AM
7

And he can’t even spell “convenient” lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 08:55 AM
3

I wish I could be more like you tbh. I have really poor boundaries (whichI’m working on but it’s hard because I don’t even know what boundaries are). I tend to be overly supportive and just give give give.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 08:44 AM
10

I know right 😂 that hit home for me. Don’t forget to add “unwashed bed sheets” and “toenail fungus”. 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 08:20 AM
55

Not to mention, based on her post history, her bf’s family sounds awful and makes her feel competitive and insecure for “looking better” than another family member in a bikini.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 04:17 AM
15

Personally I haven’t found therapy very helpful. Therapists are human and therefore subject to the same social norms as everyone else...in other words, therapists can be pickmes. My therapy revolved around my husband at the time. His family was indifferent to me and downright neglectful and abusive at times. He refused to stand up for me and would take their side every time. I went to therapy and was told to “communicate better” (thanks, Karen, very helpful!)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 03:33 AM
4

I laughed at the sexually devalued part. Nah son, women 25+ aren’t dating you because you have the IQ of a pineapple.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 03:26 AM
18

He literally said in the paragraph that he believes she BELONGED to him. WTF. These red pillers aren’t even trying to hide it anymore. They think of us as property. If that dude is reading this, I have news for you. You don’t own her “anymore” because you never did. And your child doesn’t “own” her. Not to mention...this dude is probably ugly AF.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 10:12 PM
92

It’s so awful, I bled for 8 weeks and physically couldn’t even make myself want to try to have sex til 9 weeks because my stitches/feeling icky...not to mention tired and sleep deprived from taking care of another human. I gasped when I read the 2 days thing...that’s straight up abuse. They tell both partners to wait at least 6 weeks when you’re still in the hospital so he definitely knew.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 10:06 PM
12

Pretty sure I dated this guy at 19. The reality is he’s actually a bad bf bc he’s sweaty and gross and is addicted to video games.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 01:30 AM
2

YES!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 01:02 AM
16

I understand that most of them weren’t taught these life skills growing up (which is why my son is 100% going with me to stores and helping me cook so he knows what ingredients are), but anyone with any dignity at all would want to get better or at least be an adult and ask an employee to help.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 09:04 PM
17

Oh yes. They want you to be like “sigh I’ll just go myself!! Smh!! Men, amirite??” To get out of the responsibility. Like you said, it’s called asking someone who works there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 09:01 PM
27

I feel like I need to start doing a produce test as part of my vetting. You know those picture charts they use for preschoolers to teach them words? “Point to the shallot”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 08:59 PM
19

I seriously hate that society ingrains this in us. We are always told “men need everything spelled out for them!” No thanks, I need a partner in life. Not a dumb ass who can’t see dirty dishes in the sink and figure out they need to be washed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 08:38 PM
23

Omg yes. Tbh I haven’t found therapy very helpful for this reason. It’s always “have you tried communicating to your (now ex) husband that it hurts you when he lets his mom treat you like shit and doesnt care that you’re upset?” Me: “so me literally saying ‘it hurts me when your mom treats me like shit and you don’t care’ isn’t cOmMuNiCaTiNg enough? If not, he’s just stupid and nothing I say will make a difference. dumps both therapist and husband
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 08:36 PM
3

The one obsessed with your past relationships=oh god YES. He was insecure that I went to college and he never did. He would constantly ask me about who I’d slept with and slut shame me. Plus he’d use the outdated and misogynistic term “co-ed” to refer to college-aged women like myself (at the time...I’m 32 now). Blocked his ass and never looked back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 08:16 PM
13

Right..it’s not like he said “sorry just saw this Etc”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 02:34 AM
20

My friends make excuses for this shit too. How do we dump our pickmeisha friends and make friends with each other?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 02:33 AM
3

I wish I had known this 10 years ago.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 04:13 AM
2

And I’ll add to this: if you know he has a good job and savings with minimal debt and he still cheaps out on gifts (or refuses to get you anything at all), run like the wind. I wasted 10 years on that shit, never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 02:49 AM
10

Rofl yes! I’m pretty sure I had that in my livejournal profile at age 14 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 02:35 AM
2

I wondered why he said “he kidnapped me” lol it makes more sense now. My Spanish isn’t great.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 02:32 AM
16

Same here..I have spent years trying to learn what boundaries are and how to establish them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 02:28 AM
36

This must be why my marriage failed, because I refused to do any of this stuff lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 06:20 PM
7

Omg yes. Never ever again will I stay with a man whose family and friends belittle me. LVM: “Oh, but if I stand up to them, the rest of the family will turn on me”....that’s when I nope all the way out of there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 03:42 AM
6

Oh good! I’m really glad he was able to explain that to you lol /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 03:31 AM
5

Right! My marriage ended because he put the wants of his family over my needs. I had gone to counseling and they asked me if I had told him how hurt I was. I laughed. Of course I had! For 10 years Id say the words “your mom hurt my feelings when she did XYZ.” The communication advise just annoys me because it turns it back around to being my fault. Do I need to hire a plane to write it in the sky for him? Like you said, it’s not communication, it’s that he’s too stupid to understand what I’m tel…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/20 08:27 PM
8

Agreed and it seems like most relationship advice out there is about compromising and the infamous communicating. You’re made to feel like if your relationship is ending its your fault for not cOmMuNiCaTiNg.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/20 06:49 PM
9

Omg I’m so sorry. When you said gifts I thought of a normal housewarming gift like a bottle of wine or a tshirt from your new city. Not laptops jfc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/20 06:44 PM
9

And when you post there, you get a bunch of DMs from creeps trying to start an online affair. Just what every failing relationship needs /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 09:11 PM
31

They view us as possessions and objects, not people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 02:24 PM
25

Rofl right, imagine putting “my hobbies include showering, brushing my teeth, sleeping 8 hours a night, and eating food three times a day”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 12:45 PM
11

And not to mention the young attractive men will some day get old and bald and sick. I’m in this for sickness and health. I want a partner which is why I care more about character than physical traits.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 11:55 AM
15

I completely agree and if his anxiety and depression was becoming an issue, get help. I suffer from anxiety and I can get depressed sometimes but I’m in therapy and on medication and I expect a HVM to do the same. If he can’t properly care for himself he won’t be able to care for our children and pets.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 11:53 AM
23

Changing perspective is one thing but it’s just very strange behavior to reach out to the person and thank them for it. In my experience when my exes claimed they “changed” it was quite the opposite. I had some maturing to do from my teens/early 20s but now that I’m in my 30s I’m not going around reaching out to people and thanking them. It just feels manipulative to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 11:51 AM
13

Yep nothing says “love you babe” like a LVM screaming in my face because I ordered a pizza (we shared a bank account and both made 50k a year).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 04:23 AM
8

Lmao maybe in 1950s rural Arkansas it’s upper middle class but here in the rest of the world that’s a hard no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 04:22 AM
23

Oh my god yes. I have very distinct fair skin...my husband’s family are all tan (we are all white but they just tan very easily). My son came out with my fair skin and my eyes. He’s also only 1.5 so for the first few months when he was a newborn potato head it was hard to tell what he was going to look like. My husband’s family is obsessed with bringing up “how much he looks like a member of the (dad’s last name) family. “If we had another brother this is what he would look like”...umm maybe if …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 02:31 AM
17

I saw an article in Cosmo once that was like “Real Women Describe what Anal is like” and literally not even one woman said it felt good to THEM. Every single entry was like “seeing the joy on his face was a turn on 🤢” or “it felt neutral...like a wet slug”. Why the hell would I want a wet slug up my butthole. Hard pass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 05:25 PM
21

I love this comment so much. This is why I love this sub. I’ve seen similar posts on other subs and the comments were just brutal to the OP-blaming them for “being too picky” and “not giving the poor guy a chance”. That’s such BS. Women are socialized to think feeling uncomfortable is normal and it causes us to put ourselves in literally life-threatening situations. OP-trust your gut feeling, if something feels off it probably is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 10:07 AM
3

Thank god she dumped him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/20 03:49 AM
21

He ignored everyday problems and was (is) too anxious to perform adult tasks. When we first met his fridge in his apartment stopped working but he never called the landlord and got it fixed so he just didn’t have a fridge. Fast forward 10 years and I’m responsible for 100% of things like that..making appointments, getting things fixed Etc. Working on my exit strategy ASAP.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 03:07 AM
3

I’m sorry to hear that. I hope your friend and her daughter can live their best lives away from that trash can.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 01:04 AM
1

This 100%. If he wanted to go to Colorado with you, he would plan it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 12:51 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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