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quarterlyavocado Archive

View 0 posts and 256 comments by quarterlyavocado on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
90

"@TimSmith wants to follow you on Instagram" Block 2 days later: "@SmithTim wants to follow you on Instagram" Block 3 hours later: "@TSmith1 wants to follow you on Instagram" Block 10 minutes later: "@TimanthaSmith wants to follow you on Instagram"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/21 02:48 PM
62

The "nah, sis" list: She was only 15 when she began dating an 18-year-old man (using their current ages minus 2.5 years of dating) They live together before engagement or marriage Using this fact coupled with the age people traditionally go off to school,the evidence points to her choosing a college/university based on where her boyfriend was already enrolled, NOT on her best opportunity He's the one in the wrong, and yet she's the one saddled with the responsibility of moving out and securing a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 03:11 PM
66

For those who still haven't heard, it's male-moderated. Time for its current fans to Irish Exit and make a new version, but implement FDS rule #1
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 03:46 PM
23

I’ve noticed some of you still center your enter beings around men, wanting to be picked and finding love This is how I feel about all of the OLD saga posts and comments. If you're on them, developing complicated strategies to use them, swiping (ie approaching men) etc. you're still centering your life around finding a man
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 11:45 PM
26

Many of us can remember times when we’ve felt uncomfortable but have been told to “lighten up” and “stop being so sensitive” because the other person was “just teasing!” But what’s the difference between harmless teasing and insults/negging? The rule about proper teasing is: If it has to do with something the person can’t help, such as physical appearance, it is only allowable if the characteristic is obviously much-admired. If it has to do with behavior, it must be behavior of which the doer is…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 12:31 AM
20

"There is, in Miss Manners' vocabulary, no such thing as a paying guest" - Judith Martin
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/21 07:21 PM
63

the point of having a two-year timeline is to make sure the man you are with isn't future faking or wasting your time. Exactly. I know a couple who waited around 5 years to become officially engaged, but only because the woman wanted to finish her Masters education before marriage. Her now-husband, a likely HVM, made his intentions well-known within the accepted FDS timeline, but respected her wishes and waited until after graduation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/21 04:59 PM
23

I find it very difficult to keep up with her “women must dress this way” “women must act this way” type of videos Sometimes she mentions this more clearly than others, but the videos you’re talking about are all predicated on the fact that you’re trying to present a very specific, curated image to other people 24/7. Mentally insert “if you want to look and feel like a sophisticated professional at all times...” before everything she says and it suddenly makes more sense. When she says “don’t wea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 06:47 PM
32

And they definitely shouldn't be getting married until they fix their money issues. This is controversial but I think they shouldn’t even be dating if that’s the case. Like, if you’re an adult who’s dating other adults, you know that the people you’re dating are probably marriage-minded. If you’re a man who’s dating with the intention of marrying, you should realize that you’ve got an impending 1-2 year deadline for buying a ring, paying for a ceremony and reception, and possibly securing a mort…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 03:36 AM
214

Notice how the alternative (house, vacation, etc.) is something the man also uses and enjoys while an engagement ring would be hers alone. “Don’t buy your wife a gift that she’ll get to enjoy for herself, instead allow her the privilege of sharing her gift with you!”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 10:32 PM
5

One thing you can do is downvote those comments, then make an entirely separate comment saying "For those who think [bad opinion], it's wrong because...". Then his comment doesn't get boosted by the algorithm because you replied to it, and reasonable people with reasonable opinions will upvote yours instead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 04:04 PM
11

He says he wants to be sexually harassed The whole problem with this statement is that, by definition, sexual harassment is inherently unwanted. You can't want sexual harassment. What he wants to be courted and indulged.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 04:02 PM
24

What's unfortunate is that most other subs don't have sufficient standards to report behavior like this, nor is it removed. Many of them encourage and celebrate "Both Sides" talk, banning members who report it for "attempted censorship" or w/e.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 03:59 PM
16

There’s another approach (promoted by Miss Manners / Judith Martin) where you shriek just loud enough for others to hear when someone touches you or gets too close, as though they’ve startled you. It ends up catching the offender off guard and he jumps back from you involuntarily. Next, you give a fake apology for the disruption (“oh you startled me, COVID you know, social distance!”). Making a scene usually forces compliance, and it’s next to impossible to construe your behavior as malicious so…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 08:26 PM
47

Every time I see a story on the news where a woman was attacked by a boyfriend or husband all I have to do is sit and wait. The final sentence of the segment is always, without fail, “Tim was previously accused of domestic violence by 5 other partners and served 60 days in jail.” Why aren’t these guys imprisoned?? Just because she survived she gets no justice. The sentence should correspond to likelihood of repeating the crime, not whether or not the victim was lucky enough to escape.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 02:33 PM
51

I legit back away Instead of doing this, look them right in the face and say “stand back” in a serious voice that’s slightly louder than conversational volume. If they’re invading your space then it’s their responsibility to back off. Take your power back
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 11:31 AM
49

“I used to respect you until...” actually means “I used to enjoy how your actions benefited me, but now they don’t so now I don’t like you anymore”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 07:31 PM
51

I’m going to go radical and make the recommendation not to drink for the first 3 months or more. If you’re still vetting for sex, you’re still within the timeline where an NVM could easily keep on a HVM facade just long enough to take advantage of you. Any indulgence in alcohol puts you at risk of assault, and the riskiest situations can be with people you thought you could trust. If you aren’t ready to have sex, do not intoxicate yourself or otherwise inhibit your ability to fight off unwanted …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 10:42 PM
30

Going to a man’s house for sex isn’t a date. Describing it as a “date” heavily implies that these people are in a “getting to know you” stage, which is way too early. That’s the quickest way to compromise your safety, dignity, and self-esteem as these screenshots show. I’m absolutely not placing blame on these women because they’ve certainly been pressured by societal messaging, or even people they know and trust, into going against their instincts and best interests. But for those of us who are…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 10:29 PM
24

Exactly. They’re the rat in the psychology experiment and you’re the little lever in the cage. Replying to their texts is like dispensing the cheese reward when they push the lever. don’t dispense the cheese!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 04:27 PM
30

Wow you’re right, your reply made me realize I didn’t read it right. It IS worse
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 04:25 PM
117

Let's translate this: "My boyfriend wants to control my children and me financially and use the situation as leverage so that I can't leave him. I will be stuck with all the sacrifices of being his wife but receiving no benefits of a real marriage. What should I do?" Edit: Omg I misread it. They’re HIS KIDS
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 03:35 PM
16

What happens if he asks you directly if you’ll pay? For your safety, you politely and happily agree to pay your own half, then block and delete after exiting the restaurant
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 03:20 PM
14

Exactly, this is just basic etiquette. Just like how everyone knows that guests don’t pay for their dinner at a wedding, the guest doesn’t pay on a date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 11:21 AM
444

[I also posted about this in last week’s weekly thread so I’ll do the same and put it here. Thank you for speaking out on this issue!] Ladies please. I’m begging you. STOP posting text message screenshots where you’re replying to LVM. Read the handbook, block, and delete. Stop commenting on these threads to say “hur hur your reply is so clever, you should have told him to [blah blah blah blah]” NO. You tell him NOTHING because replying anything is rewarding his bad behavior with your time and at…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 02:31 AM
17

Totally agree, I mentioned this in another weekly check-in. These posts get too popular for going against the handbook so blatantly, and I have to scroll all the way to the bottom to find someone pointing out that OP should have blocked and deleted
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 11:12 PM
58

Is there anyone with professional qualifications who can make a “How to Leave” guide? I’ve seen an influx of comments on various posts saying that the user realizes that leaving is their best option but they haven’t yet made their plan, or don’t even know where to start. I think our sub could use a comprehensive resource for forming an escape plan, but am not qualified to make such a post myself
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 10:59 PM
11

You have no idea how many times my curser has hovered over the “report” button on your posts because of your profile picture lololol I swear I’ve mistaken you for a man 50 times now
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 10:49 PM
163

Good call. However I would also like to point out (for other members of our community) that “engaged” is not a legally recognized relationship status. In the eyes of the law you are single until you are officially married. DO NOT buy joint property until your government formally recognizes your marriage because if there’s an emergency and you survive your fiancé, his parents are his next of kin, not you. You now co-own that property with his parents and they are allowed to do what they want with…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 09:42 PM
224

I know three women right now who are living with a boyfriend Their first mistake
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 07:25 PM
33

I think it’s the same for people on other social media websites, even people we know personally. Beware when women randomly post pictures of a husband/boyfriend along with 5 paragraph captions of “why I just love this man [insert emojis]!!!” This is often done to make up after a fight or help preserve the public image of a tumultuous relationship that would be better off in the trash
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 12:17 PM
28

Congrats on your decision and realization! Ladies, not everyone is as lucky as OP; don’t move in with boyfriends. It can seriously jeopardize your ability to escape an abuser unharmed. Leaving is the most dangerous time. Read from the handbook and the recent post “Stop Playing House” for more info
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 08:19 PM
81

Even if there isn’t a man in your future, at least there’s nobody hurting you with their thoughtlessness and stressing you out. Choose yourself first and whether or not a HVM follows, you’ll still be happy
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 03:06 PM
283

How thoughtful!! This is why we don’t settle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 02:07 PM
205

Alternate tip: 1. Don’t
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 11:30 AM
16

When he pressed me for a reason, I told him as much, something he couldn't argue with For anyone in this situation in the future, pre-script your breakup line. It has to be something so vague or inarguable that there's no "logical" rebuttal, like: I'm just not feeling it It just doesn't feel right It's time to go our separate ways Manipulators will try to argue you out of it or change your mind, so when he presses you for a reason, reply: "it's not up for discussion, I'm ending the relationship.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 12:51 PM
2

Another user here said this about OLD: “if you’re on there like a cheap option, men will treat you like one”. There’s no need to treat items from a catalog with respect so they’re not going to treat items from the Woman Catalogue any differently
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 10:18 PM
3

Your family is right that tattoos will cause other people to view you more negatively. I took an advanced psych course in university where the professor told us that people with tattoos are unconsciously judged as being less disciplined, less responsible, poorer (as in financially), and more promiscuous. Even the participants who claimed not to be biased against people with tattoos still rated the people with tattoos more negatively. There will always be people with tattoos who are able to acces…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 05:07 PM
5

I would never have thought of this but it’s true. New visitors to our page should be getting a great first impression, but they’re not
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 11:00 AM
14

Exactly. Nothing you text them can make them magically believe that women are people worthy of respect. They’re just opening up your paragraphs and saying “lol this dumb b**** thinks I care, let’s see how long I can get her to keep paying attention to me”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/21 04:49 PM
10

An American politician who is being investigated for sex trafficking a minor
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/21 11:32 AM
28

I don’t see how a coffee date can be “full of effort and expensive” unless it’s an actual date that also happens to include coffee. Getting coffee costs maximum $15 which is nowhere near investment-level. Maybe if you go on a hot air balloon ride and drink coffee during it the cost will be an investment but at that point it would no longer be a coffee date, it’s a “balloon date” lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 05:42 PM
44

As per the handbook: Make it expensive to take you out to filter out low effort men If you’ve met a man socially and he asked you out on a date, requiring that he take you out to dinner will call for more financial investment on his part, which is one of the ways you can tell if a man is serious about you. Plenty of men offer drink dates because it’s a low financial investment on his part and it allows him to see as many women as possible Check out the Drink Dates section for more info
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 05:25 PM
21

YES Yes YES YEESSSS Thank you for expanding on this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 03:14 PM
7

I'd like everyone reading this to make sure they also read my favorite recent FDS post, STOP PLAYING HOUSE
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 03:13 PM
29

Maybe instead of meme-free Monday, make every day meme-free and then Monday is "meme's allowed Monday"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 02:51 PM
18

I did the same thing for the past month, I got so tired of reporting every other post and comment as “didn’t read the handbook”. I asked about this in another thread and was told to use that option. But Mods, if you’re reading this, please add a clear and thorough sidebar rule that puts a stop to clap-back texts, “you should have said...”s, and text exchanges with NVM. It goes against the handbook but it’s getting upvoted and celebrated constantly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/21 02:58 AM
4

They probably think that because every woman they know has been driven my NVM to premature stress-induced aging
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 11:27 PM
2

Meh, I think this is context-dependent. I laugh at myself if I fall over. As long as nobody is actually hurt, nobody was forcibly pushed, and the person on the ground laughs first, it’s probably okay
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 11:18 PM
15

*50% off dinners
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 10:14 PM
8

Yes please! (they lose 25k to what expense??)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 08:50 PM
168

A verbal apology isn't valid without changed behavior, if they're still hurting you they clearly aren't sorry regardless of what they say
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 08:49 PM
14

Either this or (I suggested this in another thread) a rule requiring a full write-up and analysis of red flags. People looking for quick screen-shot karma will have to put in work and hopefully it'll deter them from posting super obvious examples
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 08:44 PM
7

That guy is complete deranged and anyone who thinks that experience is a funny “joke” has critical empathy problems at MINIMUM. You did not “allow” him to treat you this way, you are the victim of a calculated abuse attack (presumably a series of attacks) by a sophisticated yet deranged maniac who wanted to terrorize you. You have no idea how happy I am to see the word “ex” in front of “husband”. Godspeed, Queen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 05:50 PM
7

Which is so ridiculous because, living in a society with other humans, we know that we’re supposed to apologize for things that cause unintended effects. Only a deranged weirdo would start yelling “YOU AREN’T ALLOWED TO BE UPSET BECAUSE I DID’T MEAN IT” if they accidentally stepped on someone’s foot in public. Normal people still apologize when accidents occur. “Oh, pardon me, I didn’t see you there”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 01:36 PM
51

I don’t know who this David guy is but every time I see one of those prank videos I’m always wondering, what is it about hearing your wife (or child) scream in terror and run away from you that’s so amusing?? Why are you laughing at someone who’s fearing for their life at that moment? Also, having learned about psychology in school, one lesson that really stuck with me is how the human brain perceives a loss as more psychologically significant than a gain of equal magnitude (for example getting …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 02:47 AM
242

I’m glad you said this, I was on the brink of making a similar post (haven’t seen the lobster video though). If a man thinks it’s funny when you’re scared, he won’t protect you if you’re in legitimate danger. If he laughs when you get angry, he doesn’t (and will never) respect you. You aren’t a clown for your husband’s amusement. Never tolerate “practical jokes” where you’re the punchline.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 11:01 PM
5

There’s a woman I work with now who does this and my friends laugh when I say I’m sure she’s toxic, but you’ve confirmed it. I’ve been in her presence for a combined total of 4 hours and I already know that she has [mental illness, redacted for privacy], her daughter is autistic, she had gastric surgery last month, doesn’t comply with her treatment plan for her [redacted, chronic illness], and needs a service animal. Every time she talks I swear I hear the Debbie Downer trombone noise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 10:40 PM
6

Congrats on your realization and good luck!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 09:49 PM
27

This reminds me of true crime tv reports. I’ve seen multiple episodes of Dateline, 48 Hours, etc. where the husband cheated on and obviously murdered the wife, but his defense team comes up with a crazy narrative that she was the real cheater and basically wh*** of Venice working both sides of the canal. “She might have spurned a sexual partner, and that guy might be the real killer”. The poor lady is literally dead and they’re dragging her reputation through the mud in a court of law with zero …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 09:12 PM
184

Ladies please. I’m begging you. STOP posting text message screenshots where you’re replying to LVM. Read the handbook, block, and delete. Stop commenting on these threads to say “hur hur your reply is so clever, you should have told him to [blah blah blah blah]” NO. You tell him NOTHING because replying anything is rewarding his bad behavior with your time and attention. No “I’m a queen, don’t treat me like that!” No witty retort. No explaining what he did wrong. B-l-o-c-k.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 08:37 PM
41

You could create a new sub with a “no men” rule. Once the truth about the old one is out, the real women will leave and use yours. It’ll probably be better anyways
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 05:13 PM
100

The “witches...” sub is also affected and male-moderated (this claim has been made in multiple other threads here). Anyone doing their “spring cleaning” needs to leave that one as well
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 04:24 PM
16

The correct decision. Everyone saying “you should have replied and said...” needs to take another look at the handbook
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 03:05 PM
12

No quipping, just blocking
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 03:03 PM
47

This is exactly what’s happening in LinkedIn (of all places) because of women’s history month. Every time a woman makes a post about facing or overcoming discrimination, the top comment is ALWAYS from a man who says “I disagree with your opinion AND experience, I don’t believe one word of this, it’s all fake, Not All Men”. His tagline is always “CEO, Foudner, Visionary” but if you look he’s like an independent resume writer with zero employees
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 02:57 PM
23

Really. All of the examples I’ve seen of someone getting “cancelled” involve allegations of seriously hurtful language and behavior, and almost all include an insincere apology that somehow makes things worse. It’s 100% deserved consequences
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 02:54 PM
24

You’re not attracting a small group of complainers from a large group of other men, you’re attracting a large group of men of whom a large percentage are also complainers
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 02:41 AM
39

Because they thrive on attention (good or bad) and know that the easiest way to get that attention is through provocative and taboo language/actions/behavior. Gee, who does that remind you of?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 11:34 PM
51

It’s not a “red flag”, red flags are ambiguous. This is a clear skull-and-crossbones, poison-symbol, dealbreaker 🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 11:31 PM
4

Why are you responding to messages like these?? “Who is this” why tf do you care. You know who it is?? It’s someone who doesn’t deserve your time and attention and yet you’re giving him your time and attention as a reward for his disrespect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 11:28 PM
5

You know you’ve won the argument when they say some unrelated non-answer to your question lol. I swear I made someone cry recently because I hit her with “you aren’t answering my question, you’re just evading it by repeating yourself.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 07:16 PM
11

This is exactly what I thought. She acts like it's a revolutionary bombshell that you need to be HV to attract HV and says that the sub preaches the opposite, but if you click on the handbook "How to be a HVW" is literally right there
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 03:33 PM
17

I’m not dating right now but I have no idea how to pull this off in the future. If the guy tries to insult me, crosses a boundary, or starts showing red flags, I’m 100% doubting my ability to “dumb fox” my way through it without obvious visual cues (face turning white, nervous movement) that will give me away, if not just blurting out “what did you just say???” Is there a way to mentally prepare for this? Is there a book that tells women how to rehearse staying calm until the situation passes?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 06:41 PM
25

What you’ve said here sums up why I never agreed with the whole “nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent” argument/movement. Some people literally treat abuse like an art. They study, practice, and perfect their techniques for subtly abusing and breaking down women. It’s not the victim’s fault for “allowing” a sophisticated and practiced predator to hurt them
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 06:32 PM
29

If you're in there like a cheap option, you'll be treated like one. Poetry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 08:40 PM
43

It's not just usernames. Think of the hundreds of thousands of blogs named something like "HeathyMommiezRUs" where the authors' and commenters' entire lives revolve around creating unique and engaging playtime activities, toddler nutrition, hosting elaborately themed parties for 30+ classmates, etc. and then taking photos and writing about it online. Meanwhile, Good Morning America is busy airing a whole news segment about a stay-at-home-dad because he went to a single seminar to learn how to br…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 08:33 PM
1

^^ Bancroft
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 08:03 PM
3

YES PLEASE AND THANK YOU
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 09:52 PM
19

In that aspect it works similarly to pyramid scheme recruitment. At first I was shocked when I read this, but I moved quickly into "disappointed but not surprised" territory. I was always a little baffled at how outspoken women were getting about using this website, but now it makes total sense that they're getting compensated to shill. It's exactly like the Beach Body women who cold-call you to tell you how fat you're looking lately and how they can help you lose weight
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 09:11 PM
49

Because he's the embodiment of everything they want to be, how they want to live, and how they want to treat women, all with zero consequences
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/21 03:17 PM
15

So I was on my university’s crew team. Rowing machines (called “ergs”) and how fast a person goes on one are heavily influenced by weight. A heavier person can generally produce more force than a lighter person. But, in a real boat, the heavier person weighs the boat down and creates more drag by pushing it further down into the water. The erg doesn’t account for this penalty, so your erg time may look fast, but it won’t necessarily translate to real speed on the water compared to a lighter team…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 04:22 AM
5

I didn't even read the post and now I don't have to
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 12:19 AM
16

Exactly. He didn't learn, he's just pretending.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 11:34 PM
7

Not to be An Ass (TM) but rowing is lower body. Your point still stands
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 11:26 PM
14

I was watching an episode of Dateline NBC once and the lead detective on the case was such a bumbling buffoon that I was shocked he could find his way out of a paper bag. He’s in the interview room with the female roommate of a woman who was murdered. There was some blood on the floor of their shared bathroom . The officer is borderline screaming at the roommate saying “why didn’t you go see if your roommate was injured after seeing the blood??” I’m sitting in my living room wondering how this m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 12:08 AM
8

At this point, just make up fake people. "I'm actually scheduled to meet a man next week! My friend Tanisha just set us up." If they ask how the date went just lie again. "Oh it didn't work out but my other friend Tanya says she found me the perfect man, our dinner date is in two weeks"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 03:45 PM
4

That first sentence isn't even true. Would he choose a "new and fresh" Chrysler minivan just off the factory line over a 5-year-old Bentley? No.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 03:06 PM
10

DELETE IT. Stop looking through the trash hoping to find a diamond ring
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 03:01 PM
8

The correct answer to "is this [name]?" is "who wants to know?" Never confirm your identity when the other person hasn't identified himself
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 05:20 PM
73

For anyone reading this post who isn’t familiar with how to make creme brûlée, please Google it; it’s not for amateurs. This is a high-effort, thoughtful gift
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/21 11:44 PM
5

Money is really a proxy for time and energy. You can mix any of the 3 in proportion. This spoke to me. These two sentences alone are handbook material
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/21 08:33 PM
27

I saw that too, I'm glad you mentioned it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/21 08:12 PM
69

I blocked him as soon as I received that second message. I'm so glad! At least someone read the handbook around here lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/21 04:28 PM
16

A bold option: say "excuse me," and actually dial the phone to initiate a conversation with someone else
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 06:37 PM
3

Congratulations on making a comfortable life for yourself and your children! You said “it’s really not hard,” but even if it was difficult, this shows it’s still achievable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 06:16 PM
31

Also have the obligatory "where are the parents" question A mother in my city made a semi-viral Facebook post about this. Her kids were showing her social media posts of their friends having parties during COVID lockdown, drinking alcohol, etc. Other parents (including my coworker) were OUTRAGED that this mom was suggesting that they were bad parents. “How should I know where my son is, he’s 16!” Like ma’am, that’s exactly why you should know where he is. The “teach him to read” part of your par…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 04:53 PM
47

Frankly, money is also something within control. There are plenty of men with "rags to riches" stories who chose their high-earning career path because they thought it would make them more desirable on the dating market.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/21 08:52 PM
65

The age gap between the girl and the man is bad for obvious reasons, but the 15-year age gap between the male "best friends" is also bizarre. What is a 32-year-old doing hanging around with a 47-year-old and calling him his "best friend"??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 07:32 PM
88

Then when a woman shares her assault (AOC) they think she's lying or they victim blame The second I heard her I thought of the handbook and knew this would happen. Sharing trauma doesn't inspire empathy in bad people
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/21 09:23 PM
77

You'll bump into someone Even if you don't, your single life is preferable to what OP (and others here) experienced
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/21 05:33 PM
40

"Why Does He Do That"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/21 05:29 PM
258

This is why “cOmMuNiCaTe!” and “CoMpRoMiSe!” Don’t work. She’s communicating over and over but he doesn’t care because it’s not what he wants to hear. If she gives in to “compromising,” she’s making 100% of the sacrifice while he gets 100% of the reward. It’s a win-lose situation and he wants to make her the loser
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 06:17 PM
30

The pandemic has really shown me how much some people can’t stand to be alone, they think it’s a reflection on their worth as a human being or time is running out mentality or miss attention tbh. I was raised without siblings so I just have no idea what people are feeling when they talk about how they can't stand to be alone. A woman I know is divorced and doesn't want to break up with her new LVM because she'll be "aLoNe oN vAlEntInEs Day!" and the other holidays. I'm just like, "so what if you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 05:26 PM
4

RUN. Break up immediately and block everywhere. Best case scenario is that he just doesn’t care about what you want, which means he’s stringing you along. “He’s just not that into you.” Worst case scenario is that he’s trying to make you vulnerable on purpose. Alcohol is a drug that inhibits both your judgment and your physical capacity to fight off behavior you’re not okay with. Flowers won’t get you drunk and he knows it. He doesn’t want you to “relax”, he’s pushing you to drink so that you’re…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/21 11:13 PM
92

Men on dating apps don't care if their hookup dies from cervical cancer, they do not care if you live or die, you are less than an animal to them. 'sex shaming' is all about bullying and coercing women into having sex, making women's bodies into public property, for the benefit of men Straight truth. These sentiments belong on billboards for all women to see.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/21 07:18 PM
35

I’ve been seeing the same thing, I’m so glad you mentioned this. This is handbook worthy
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/21 07:38 PM
7

insert "How do you do, fellow kids?" meme
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/21 04:31 PM
14

Internalizing the fact that I was perfectly whole and complete with myself, and if someone wants to come and try to pursue me, let them - but I'm walking away the second it is no longer enjoyable or valuable to me. This is such a difficult step, we're so proud of you! Congratulations on your new job and your new life!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 08:39 PM
26

Same. Last week my friend texted me to confirm the date for my impending credentialing exam; in theory this date has nothing to do with her, but because she values our friendship I bet she's going to text "good luck!" and "how did it go?" when the day arrives. Of course I do the same for her nursing school exams. Apple Reminders and iCal are free and accessible regardless of gender lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 05:39 PM
7

There was not one thing he did that would be deemed LV. I agree 2 months is a short time, it’s hard to put a guy in a situation to really prove himself during that time, but all of the situations I did put him in, he delivered This is why the handbook recommends waiting 3-6+ months and says that you need to assume LV until proven otherwise after that time. It’s easy to avoid blatant LV behavior for such a short time if he thinks sex is on the line, so only time can tell
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 11:16 PM
6

Everything I’m saying is straight from the handbook. You need to assume LVM until you’re completely blown away by his generous behavior after many months of consistency (2 months isn’t enough time no matter what he’s done, he’s still LV until proven otherwise). He should be going out of his way and putting in major effort as though he was afraid of losing you 24/7. If you’re stranded in a broken-down car, BARE MINIMUM is that he comes and gets you. If he doesn’t he’s literal garbage who doesn’t …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 10:48 PM
5

given that all signs pointed toward a HVM They didn’t though. The signs pointed to bare minimum. Paying on dates isn’t a sure sign of an HVM, it’s the default behavior. He showed no signs of caring about OP as a unique person, everything he did could be found with a Google search of “how do I go on a date?”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 10:12 PM
4

Exactly. I’m not seeing any evidence of vetting besides “he didn’t treat me like garbage, so...”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 09:47 PM
48

There are posts about this compiled in the handbook, but one thing is that you have to see evidence that he cares about you as a person, not as some anonymous woman. Example: he gets you chocolate for Valentine’s Day. Did you tell him that you love chocolate? Did he go across town to get your favorite brand from the special store you mentioned on your last date? Did he ask the chocolatier to leave out the orange flavor ones because he knows you don’t like them? Or did he just pick up a box of wh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 08:38 PM
26

inviting me on and paying for dates we shared values, believes in mental health and therapy This is literally bare minimum. A HVM does these things but someone doing them doesn't mean automatic HVM. inviting me on trips Anyone can "invite" you somewhere. No follow-through is LV
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 08:20 PM
3

I do when I see them, but by that time they’ve got 200 upvotes and 20 comments saying “way to show him!”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/21 08:28 PM
3

Ask and ye shall receive! I’m going to shoot my shot then and ask the mods to consider stricter rules on clap-back text message posts. There are too many text/IM screenshots where the OP keeps replying to LVM negging with insults instead of just blocking and deleting. That and the comments from Newbie members all saying, “you should say XYZ to him too!” but it’s contrary to the handbook. If someone wants to post a crazy text from some guy, any response she sent should be cropped out or hidden to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/21 06:26 PM
26

It's not "growing together" if you're already done and he's just starting...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/21 09:26 PM
4

It’s a distressing condition that’s difficult to overcome, especially when other people don’t understand how much it interferes with your life. There’s not a lot of professional help available so it takes independent hard work and willpower
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/21 03:08 AM
55

It's always one step forward, two steps back. "Oh, you want to be able to work? Fine, pay ALL of the bills, raise ALL of the children, do ALL of the domestic work, zero time off and zero exceptions." Just once I'd like for women to enjoy an advancement in their collective life position with no downside.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/21 11:42 PM
21

He got what he wanted (a response, acknowledgement). The only appropriate "response" according to the handbook is a big fat block
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/21 09:04 PM
88

It's definitely true that Autism and eating disorders/disabilities can cause severe mental restrictions to your diet that's way beyond "picky eating". But, if that's what's happening, their priority should be addressing the eating disorder. If you're not able to go to a restaurant then you aren't ready to date because you have bigger fish to fry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/21 04:26 PM
8

The people who built my house stopped by to visit the neighbors. They stopped by with zero announcement to ask us to tour the place, then got offended when we said no. The subtle hints, "we're in the middle of replacing the floors" got rebuffed so we just had to flat-out say "we're not letting you walk around in our house under any circumstances"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 04:39 PM
7

This is worthy of a separate post. It's everything I've always thought about OLD but couldn't articulate myself
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/21 08:25 PM
134

I think this is a “yes and no” situation. Luck is a huge component but, as they say, Lady Luck favors the prepared. There’s no guarantee about the character of anyone in these locations but it’s decent advice to tell someone to spend their time in HV ways if they want to network. If you’re looking for a blue cashmere sweater, would you go to Neiman Marcus or the 99 Cents Store? Neither may have the kind of sweater you’re looking for but it behooves you to look in the places more likely to have o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/21 01:35 PM
5

You should find one or two songs for her to delete but have her listen to them first. Ask her how about them so she can practice figuring it out for herself. “How do you think Jane Doe feels about herself and her self esteem? Do you think she’s happy and comfortable in the relationship or does she feel pretty bad? What could she do to feel better? (Spoiler alert, dump him and only spend time with people who make you feel safe)”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/21 01:05 AM
12

JANE EYRE. I’ve seen people talk about it like it’s the gold standard for relationships and I’m sitting here wondering, are you people forgetting that the main character marries a 40-year-old man when she’s EIGHTEEN, even after the guy lies about his marital status and hides his invalid wife in the attic of his house??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/21 12:59 AM
9

This reminds me of every post on the various budgeting/money subreddits. A man will post saying the family is in dire financial straits and asks for advice. He’s working some ridiculous job (“part-time freelance food photography” or equivalent). I suggest him getting a full-time job with an actual employer and actual insurance/benefits but get downvoted to oblivion. The top comment is always, “instead of caring for your newborn infant son, your lazy wife should just get a job delivering pizzas!”…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/21 12:37 AM
5

Of course. Thank your for the clarification! I’m happy for this new rule
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/21 12:14 AM
9

Question about the new rule: is it okay to suggest other subs in casual conversation, without linking them, if it’s pertinent to a conversation that otherwise follows the rules? Like, if User A says “I just adopted a dog,” can User B reply “you should check out the Dogs subreddit for tips” ?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/21 12:10 AM
13

A guy with no initiative who “turns it around on you” and meets none of your needs is a LVM who has no business dating you. If you’re getting “nothing,” don’t ask to be treated how you want to be treated. Just leave and find someone who’s happy to make you happy
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 02:06 AM
54

I’d rather not. If you tell him what you want, this opens the door to “future faking” and it allows zero creativity or effort on his part. If you have to sit down and explain what you want in a relationship, he’s not meeting your needs. If he didn’t think to do those things on his own, he doesn’t care about you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 11:19 PM
80

I almost feel like we need a stickied post about this phenomenon in general. All the time there are posts about “not all rich men are HVM” and “not all handsome men are HVM” as though this is a common misunderstanding. New users are getting duped because they still aren’t generalizing the statements to realize: one HV quality doesn’t automatically make a HVM. Like, all golden retrievers have triangular ears and long hair. But not all dogs with triangular ears and long hair are golden retrievers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 11:04 PM
140

They told me I’m going to die alone Then so be it. Read any business book and they’ll tell you, “no deal is better than a bad deal”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 10:49 PM
35

What a HVW. Way to live your life for you! Don’t upend your whole life by moving away for the sake of some hypothetical man who may not even exist. If he’s the right guy, he’ll fit into your existing high-quality life you’ve built for yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 10:46 PM
2

No side effects for me. I do weigh more than when I started treatment, but I was still a minor back then and most women gain weight as they become adults. My BMI is at a 23 right now which is in the healthy range and have never been overweight
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 07:58 PM
8

It’s progesterone, which is a female hormone. I’m not a doctor so I would advise looking at the Planned Parenthood website for info and asking your doctor. My experience is that I get the shot and live my life period-free
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 07:52 PM
14

This sounds like a “him” problem. Wash your, and only your, dishes immediately after use and never touch any of his
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 07:02 PM
12

Agree. Another user here said “don’t waste time digging through the trash thinking you’ll find a diamond ring” and it stuck with me. So happy to see likeminded women on this front; keep preaching the word lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 12:23 AM
6

Yes, working on yourself is what living your life as a HVW is all about
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 12:15 AM
14

In my opinion, if you’re making an OLD profile, it serves as an announcement that you’re looking for a man and so you’ve thrown it out the window before the talking/dating even begins. I don’t see how spending time and effort to look for men and approach them (“swiping”) on purpose aligns with FDS. I know it’s hard to reject societal messaging and I sympathize, but I’m shocked to see highly-flaired users saying “OLD is the only option for me because xyz” when the obvious, most FDS option is to c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 12:14 AM
19

You've written out exactly what I've been thinking reading all these OLD posts. There's a serious lack of handbook internalization going on; why is everyone so desperate to find some secret covid-loophole to find a man instead of accepting possibly being happy forever as a single HVW?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 09:55 PM
1

I'll be honest, I didn't scroll past the second photo and hadn't even read what you're talking about when I wrote that. It's even worse than I thought.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 04:24 PM
61

Thank you for saying this. This conversation shouldn't have progressed after the first message pictured, and somehow there's 5 pages??? Nah sis
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/21 10:15 PM
53

For everyone else about to open Google in a new tab, "DARVO" = Deny, Attack, and Reverse the Victim and Offender
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/21 04:33 PM
11

Why did you respond to this? Why did you even accept two date invitations if you aren't attracted to him?? You're wasting your own time, please block/delete and then reread the handbook
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 05:13 PM
28

Disagree. Call a spade a spade, not a "male spade". That's like saying "female doctor"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 02:04 PM
34

Once you understand that men know exactly what they're doing, you realize there is no purpose for nagging. He knows he has to get a job. He won't because he doesn't want to. I keep feeling like I've learned this lesson, but it hits me like a truck every time I see it written out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/21 09:23 PM
27

He moved from the West Coast to the East Coast to be with me while I finished my PhD, and stuck it out through that whole long slog with me. This is a big one. So many women pack up and move to follow a man without considering if that location will provide them with any opportunities. Women are already at a disadvantage securing employment; if he's chasing you, let him follow you to where your opportunities are
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 04:28 PM
5

Just checking in to say that the first meme-free Monday is such a success!!! Thank you, Mods
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 11:32 PM
66

There’s no 100% effective tactic to avoid someone like that, but whenever I hear similar stories like that (“perfect man” suddenly becomes abusive), I see warning signs that the woman missed. This sub will teach you to recognize more subtle red flags so to increase your chances of safety. For example, most non-FDS people wouldn’t be alarmed by a woman dating a man, say, 8 years older; here, we warn women against it because abusers use age gaps to control their partner. Often women are taught to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 11:21 PM
23

They see my husband and the life he provides for me and ask me for the specific prayer I prayed to get a good man. You could use this to do some good lol. Tell them “I prayed, Lord, My God, I pray for a man who treats me with respect and dignity at all times, and I will consider it a sign from the Heavenly Father if a man treats me with empathy and love in all situations and proposes within 1.5 years”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 09:54 PM
29

Exactly; it’s just the absence of a red flag. It’s like if a guy greats you with “Hello,” you’re not thinking “omg green flag!!”, because he didn’t say something ludicrous instead
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 09:32 PM
7

I agree with this. A HVW is financially responsible and able to support herself, which is possible for women at more than just the top tier of income
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 05:09 PM
64

Yes. I think whoever posts them should be responsible for transcribing if they aren’t closed captioned already
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 01:49 AM
32

I was talking with a man about petite women’s fashion. As a petite woman I have plenty of experience with this. He says, “I’m a large man from the rural south but in my opinion...” and PROCEDES just making stuff up. We were talking about objective facts and the history of the industry but for some reason saying the buzzword “opinion” emboldens them to tell brazen lies with no consequences. So I call him out and say his definition of “petite” doesn’t align with industry standards and his response…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 12:12 AM
70

Every screenshot posted here is a straight checklist of warnings from the handbook. Don’t stay if there’s no proposal after 1-1.5 years Don’t finance a man’s life Don’t date a man who has no worthwhile or hobbies or is a “gamer” Don’t do more than your share of household chores You can’t change a man’s priorities or convince him to want to spend time with you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 10:31 PM
7

and in my mind (perhaps I'm wrong) You're not wrong. Even if you were wrong (which you're not), better safe than sorry. You had everything to gain and nothing to lose by getting rid of this relationship
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 04:27 PM
42

Another tip: when you’re not busy making this list, ensure that you’re busy doing something else. Figure out which activities leave zero room for background thoughts and schedule them. You won’t have the headspace to romanticize the past when you’re in the middle of an intense workout or formulating sentences in Polish (for example).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 02:54 PM
132

I know that’s what he said, but remember that he’s trying to win Reddit karma and get reassured that he’s a good guy and in the right after all. If he told the truth and said “I did it because I’m trying to knock her down a peg. I’m jealous of her education, feeling emasculated by her provider status, and don’t want her to get attention from other men” then everyone would rightly tell him off. If he gives us the “sHe’S bEaUtIfUl” then he gets sympathy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 11:12 PM
183

(she “has to” [wash her face]) This guy is trivializing her need to wash her face after coming home from work during COVID. Literally acting like she’s unhinged for practicing basic hygiene
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 09:23 PM
416

Allow me to put on my tinfoil hat. I think he does understand and took away her skincare because he wants to control her by taking away her “perfect skin”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 09:20 PM
44

The first problem is in the very first sentence. She initiated the date. He wasn't interested enough to initiate a date, so he wasn't interested enough to honor the engagement
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 04:36 PM
16

he loves so much that it would even be WORTH making an issue and losing his real live actual girlfriend over? He thinks he has the upper hand, that she won't actually leave. He thinks he can have both if he manipulates/fights hard enough . It's up to her to follow through on her warning and actually leave
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 04:22 PM
9

These type of posts are only valuable to us when the OP takes the time to breakdown both behavior and mistakes and offer examples of what should have been done Agreed, I would love more comprehensive commentary like this on more posts
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 04:20 PM
11

She knows at least three things now: (1) This man's word is worthless; (2) He's manipulative, or trying to be; and (3) He prioritizes what he wants above anything else, like her needs or even his own integrity, and he's done this from the beginning. Excellent commentary and analysis. This is what we're here for, ladies!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 04:18 PM
3

Share the stories of the women you’ve helped!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 06:30 PM
10

Are you me?? I feel like I’m reading my autobiography. I did the “block and delete” and she went crazy, calling everyone (even my parents) asking if they knew why I wasn’t answering anymore. Would recommend; she’s a vampire, so cut off her supply.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 06:23 PM
34

I’m 4’10” and it’s rough because men feel extra empowered to talk down to me or intimidate me in public. Even short men are 5-6” taller so they always seize the opportunity. At sporting events, even when standing amongst a large crowd, I’m singled out by middle-aged men heckling, making obscene gestures, etc. Even “civil” behavior is accompanied by baby talk and laughter and “omg, you’re so tiny! How adorable that your feet dangle from chairs!” I can’t intimidate anyone and it’s a constant hurdl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 05:24 PM
39

You’re right. This isn’t a red flag, this is the behavior that red flags warn you about
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 05:14 PM
7

Nothing but truth. Preach it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 08:23 PM
18

I’m torn. Instinctively I would say to give ONE chance and no more, and the counter-offer shouldn’t contain an alternate day (he needs to come up with a reasonable time, not me). But, honestly, I would never be inconsiderate like that, asking someone to drop everything and meet me (especially for a date when you should be trying to make a good impression), so why would I spend time with someone who thinks that’s acceptable? If they think I have nothing better to do than accept their last-minute …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 07:46 PM
43

Related to this: even if there’s a specific plan, the invitation also needs to be extended a reasonable amount of time before the date (4+ days). If someone asks if you’d like to go to dinner at Restaurant X at 7pm tomorrow, the answer is no
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 07:28 PM
3

I agree with this. The #1 mantra here is "block and delete" not "share and amplify"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 08:23 PM
26

I had a prof who would stop in the middle of a lecture to scold students on their phones. I purposefully sat in the front row so I wouldn't be distracted by other people on their laptops/phones, but the prof created an entirely new distraction with his "excuse me, you in row 104 on the left, blue t-shirt, please put away your electronics!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 04:50 PM
22

I don’t understand marriages when one person is already planning on leaving their partner alone for months on end and has a high chance of not making it out alive (military, astronaut, etc.). Why would a woman choose this? He doesn’t live with you, know your children, spend time with you, or perform any family duties. He can’t protect or comfort you in times of crisis and you have no idea where he is or what he’s doing. It’s like an imaginary friend
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 09:35 PM
15

I had to whip out my phone at a party Next time say "Oh really? Show me" so he gets out his phone instead. He'll gladly bring it out and then his 'vibe' gets ruined when he can't substantiate the claim. Even if he won't admit you're right, he knows the truth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 06:10 PM
4

There’s an episode of Dateline NBC where the woman was bamboozled by a dangerous man she thought was a doctor. He mooched off her car and home and she ended up finding out, only after he stabbed her adult daughter, that even her engagement ring was fake. It sounds paranoid, but I promised myself I’ll take any piece of jewelry I get from a man straight to the appraiser.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 01:32 AM
73

The interior design subreddit has a rule saying that every post has to have a full “write-up” that explains the OP’s vision and how their photo adds to the discussion. I think we should have a similar rule here where any screenshots or conversations with LVM need to have a full write-up of red flags, dealbreakers, analysis, etc. to explain how it adds to our discussion and what our users should be taking away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 12:11 AM
20

Sorry but I disagree; HVM would never. I've shared bathrooms with my father and he never created these problems.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 04:57 PM
15

This is so helpful. Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 04:36 PM
163

I noticed this too and immediately checked the gender of the author, was not surprised (her name is Hannah)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 04:31 PM
121

My parents (we’re all adults now) just told me “I never liked that Jane anyways” after I cut someone out of my life. They revealed (after ten years) that, this whole time, she had treated them disrespectfully when I left the room or when she saw them in public. I was shocked and horrified that they never said anything because it was a ticking time bomb of disrespect/betrayal that I wouldn’t have had to deal with if they had bothered to warned me to get rid of her back in high school.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 12:09 PM
1

I was looking forward to this information, that’s disappointing. Maybe message the mods to re-approve, or get prior permission to make the post and submit it again?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 09:55 PM
37

As a wife it’s my job to take care of the house, not fob it off on a maid I don’t understand this at all. Who cares?? She’s still managing the house and coordinating all of the labor, who cares whether it’s her hands or the maids’ hands actually doing the ironing? Does she think that the owner of the restaurant cooks and serves the food? No. The boss hires it done.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 05:15 PM
11

Would you be willing to make a separate post about this? I’ve seen multiple replies like the above in the past week and wanted to say something, but I’m not a professional like you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 04:59 PM
42

Unfortunately, even this is risky. According to this article, the most likely outcome is that a woman’s gun is used against her. The number of cases where the woman is able to successfully defend herself is “not statistically significant” and there are zero studies that show gun ownership by women actually decreases attacks or increases her safety
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 01:38 PM
40

Unfortunately this doesn’t work for me! I blush at the slightest trigger so I have zero poker face
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 12:32 AM
3

I agree 100%, I thought it would be an official rule here but it isn’t listed in the sidebar or “report post” options. I’ve seen plenty of comments that specifically ask for links to source material from screenshots (and replies that supply the info) so I was confused about whether that was allowed
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 12:24 AM
6

Is this against the rules here? I’m confused because I keep seeing conflicting claims about it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 12:18 AM
134

What’s the most effective response to the “I was just joking” line? Obviously block + delete if it’s a beau on the phone, but what about a coworker or casual acquaintance trying to undermine you in a group setting?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 11:52 PM
2

Exactly. I contacted multiple friends from college last month (we’re all recent graduates) and they all talked my ear off for 1+ hour, said “omg we should do this every week!”. I literally said “yes, call me back” and nobody called or texted me again, including on Christmas. I have one friend from high school who I like and who puts forth mutual effort, but she’s not an FDS woman and wants to set me up with random men she knows because “he’s nice” and she’s in a relationship while I’m not. Hones…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 05:31 PM
28

... because they put a movie on, whilst I was napping, without asking if I wanted to watch it too This isn't your because, this is Exhibit A of the evidence for your because. You broke up with them because they were inconsiderate and showed that they thought that your preferences should come second to theirs. Reframing it like this shows how serious the offense actually was.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 03:36 PM
42

"my wife doesn't do anything, just sits around and spends my money" "we have four children" Beep boop, does not compute! Something tells me he's not raising the kids alone while she sits around
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/20 10:00 PM
14

Speaking of fishing/outdoorsmen: I know men who will literally douse themselves in the urine of female game animals (I wish I was joking) in order to improve their chances of success on hunting trips. They'll spend unlimited dollars to buy the most attractive/realistic lure for their fishing trips and unlimited time learning how to wiggle the lure in the water so that it attracts the most fish. Their girlfriends call themselves "hunting widows" because the boyfriends completely ignore them, goin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 05:02 PM
31

I can't imagine going through life not being able to see beyond my own nose but half of the population seems to operate like that These days I'm in a constant battle against my impending embitterment. After *actually seeing* your comment come true in real life (via "anti-mask" carelessness/buffoonery), I swear I'm on the brink of making a conscious decision to only care about myself and nobody else. Somehow the majority gets to live their lives for themselves only, reaping the rewards and having…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 08:19 PM
10

PLEASE elaborate
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 06:25 PM
21

This is big in dog training literature too. Never respond to “requests” from the dog; all treats, petting, walks, etc start and stop on the handler’s terms only. Otherwise the dog learns that he can boss you around and the begging never stops
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 04:39 PM
20

I agree with this being intentional, but maybe the mom is just angling for money/gifts from someone she perceives as rich. It seems like garden-variety greed. My mom had a female friend who was like this: she would constantly pull the “it must be nice to have [material items] and be a SAHM,” even though our families probably made the same amount of money. She just spent it all on vacations and sat around wondering aloud why her house wasn’t as kept-up as ours, then asked for money or to borrow o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 04:35 PM
149

Save this post and read it EVERY DAY until you are 100% over the breakup. Remember exactly how you feel right now so there’s no chance you’ll forget and sit around wondering “what if...”. Block him everywhere and DO NOT allow him any avenue to contact you when (not if, when) he tries to come crawling back
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 03:51 PM
3

The way you explain it, it sounds fine. My concern came from the text of the handbook post, which includes some examples from the book that actually suggest “playing dumb” and I was hung up on those (like when a man suggests splitting the bill and the woman tilts her head and acts confused, or the woman feigns ignorance about a man asking her to drive to his house by saying “Would you prefer to get together another night? If tonight is inconvenient, I understand”). Another commenter said that th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 01:18 PM
10

Can anyone fully sell me on “dumb fox credo”? The how-to is explained in the handbook, but I can’t bear the thought of anyone thinking I’m stupid
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 03:20 AM
21

So should we report the offending posts with the “Read the Handbook” option?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/20 01:44 AM
5

Iconic. You didn’t “throw the whole friendship out,” he did.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 12:56 PM
12

I think this is a “skull and crossbones flag” 🏴‍☠️. They aren’t actively harming you yet, but you’re in imminent danger and need to escape immediately
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 09:45 PM
17

He wasn't abusive perse Physical intimidation/threats like this is abuse, according to United States law
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 01:05 PM
48

I could barely believe that trained professionals would fall for this (when I read about it in Why Does He Do That) but your story confirms it. Heartbreaking
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 12:52 AM
68

This is Bancroft’s “Why Does He Do That”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 09:52 PM
13

No, they are a cheap candy. The texture is like bubble gum
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 09:12 PM
74

BLOCK. AND. DELETE.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 04:47 PM
31

In my opinion she definitely shouldn’t send screenshots or anything to explain. Telling him how he messed up just teaches him how to trick the next girl more effectively, and opens the door for manipulation (“you just don’t understand, hear me out,” etc). If anything, the breakup message should be “I’m just not feeling it anymore, it’s time to go our separate ways” with zero constructive criticism
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 04:08 PM
24

I have talked to him about it and he has been a SMIDGE better about saying ILY and giving compliments more, but If he wanted to, he would. If he wanted to keep you and not risk losing you, he would comply with a ridiculously easy request like that. It costs $0 to compliment someone you’re allegedly in love with but will talk about wanting to own a lake house with his brother If you’re in a long term relationship and envision that person in your future, you dream about making a home with your fut…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 04:40 AM
6

If he isn’t willing to come to her defense in a low-stakes situation like this, what do you think would happen if she were in actual danger and needed his protection?? He doesn’t think she’s worth it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 09:12 PM
3

Omg exactly. “iT’s aBoUt sTaTes rIgHts” lol okay, the states’ rights to do what, exactly? They literally say exactly which “rights” they’re so concerned about. The articles of secession for every state southern say, in plain language, “we’re leaving because these northern rat bastards are denying our rights to own human beings and treat them as property”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 07:48 PM
15

Even then it’s not true, it’s just the most hurtful insults they can think of regardless of whether they apply to you or not
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 01:17 PM
17

I honestly think this is why we are struggling with Covid- people who don’t understand the fundamentals of hygiene paired with people who only care about themselves. This is exactly it. People are dying and yet every day 1000 carbon copies of Caillou with zero face coverings are waving their little signs, gathering around the capital building crying, “but MOMMY, I want to play with my friends!!!”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 11:57 PM
8

This is a bit of a “get off my lawn” detour, but I don’t understand when having zero manners and zero respect for the guests you receive became so popular. I’m still hung up on a comment from ~5 days ago where someone said her in-laws demanded she wash dishes and prepare food when she was invited under pretenses of being a guest in their home. Like, who tf raised you?? They should be ashamed
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 03:54 PM
14

I couldn’t think of a single luxury vehicle for at least a full minute before writing this post, and had to Google “who manufactures the spyder” to double-check 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 06:23 PM
43

“Oh, you got hit by a car? I bet if it was a porche spyder running you over, you’d have liked it.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 04:41 PM
3

I looked this up and there’s so much information available. It’s exactly what I’ve been trying to find. Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 01:38 PM
3

To me that it just sounded like "let me go look in the trash, JUST IN CASE I find a diamond ring!" I feel the same way about this. Mentioning it causes arguments every time
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 01:41 AM
5

Someone on another thread mentioned that they ask leading questions instead of making statements to try to get the person to make conclusions on their own. Like, instead of saying “you sound unhappy,” you say “are you sure you’re happy in this relationship?” (If anyone can expand on how do to this effectively, please reply!)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 01:35 AM
6

And then he trashes your reputation to everyone he knows with the old “she broke up with me because I didn’t empty the dishwasher”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/20 12:01 AM
9

Like what?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 01:08 AM
98

appearently being forced to wear something you don't want to goes against you rights as a citizen This makes me laugh so hard whenever anyone says it because it’s like, have you forgotten about pants??? Because last I checked, going without them is a serious crime
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 09:25 PM
-1

When you look at the statistics, rich people don’t play the lottery (sweeping generalization, but the numbers support it). They don’t need to play, they have better ways to spend their time and money, and they understand opportunity cost. Every statistics professor I’ve ever had spent at least one full class period explaining how the lottery makes millions of losers for each winner. It’s not worth it I never said anything about anyone’s life, I only quoted another user who I thought made a good …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 08:20 PM
0

People do win the lottery but you won’t win if you never play Every dollar spent on the lottery is at least $1 not put towards real investment vehicles or guaranteed interest in a savings account. It entrenches people in poverty; ask any personal finance professional, even a high school teacher, if you should play the lottery and watch them BEG YOU not to If OLD is taking away from focusing on your own life then you’ve got bigger problems Every minute spent searching for a man is a minute spent …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 07:31 PM
7

I saw another post about OLD a while back which, thankfully, I did save. In part, it said: Don't meet men that you have zero ties to. Meet through women friends, family, work, hobbies, sports, meet-ups, classes and clubs. No offence, but if you have none of the above going on and there's no way to meet a man through someone or something else, you have a crap life and won't be attractive to a HVM. You'll be highly attractive to an LVM because you're pre-isolated and easy pickings. It hit me like …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 06:55 PM
2

There’s no struggle once you block and delete
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 06:06 PM
7

The thing about control is huge. I can’t control everything, so why would I sacrifice what little I can control?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 05:51 PM
3

I didn’t know there was a phrase for it! Glad to be part of the club
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 05:44 PM
6

Exactly!! Pandemic or not, I see zero reasons to use online dating (that align with our values here)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 05:42 PM
32

If it’s not safe to go on a real date that’s up to standards, it’s not safe to date. People who are willing to compromise your safety are not worth meeting. It’s a no from me
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 04:23 PM
11

I was inspired to do the same thing after multiple women in my family took their husband’s ridiculously ugly last name. I know someone who is now called “Mrs. Udder”, like a cow’s mammary gland. And now her female children are Miss Udder! Just think about the bullying those girls will endure in school. How could a man do that to his entire family? Swallow your pride and select a new, suitable name for both of you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 01:50 PM
84

I completely abstain from alcohol and will always recommend it. We can’t afford impaired judgement, impaired strength and motor skills, or the risk of intentional poisoning in public. It’s not worth the danger or risk
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 11:55 PM
29

I’m cautiously optimistic that this will get shut down also. The last time my bank account was hacked, the thief overdrafted hundreds of dollars in charges for Only Fans. I know plenty of other people who have their payment info hacked to buy the exact same thing. Dealing with such a high percentage of chargebacks and fee reversals stemming from fraud from the same two merchants will become more trouble than it’s worth
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 06:10 PM
116

They sent out a customer satisfaction survey via email a couple years ago. I filled out the first page saying that I was a female who didn’t live with a male partner and was immediately redirected to “that’s all, thank you for answering!” It was a yellow flag to me back then, but this just corroborates my suspicions that they don’t care about my business anyways. Block and delete!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 12:20 AM
1

I’m not mocking anybody, just calling it as I see it. If you’re going to call it “having a breakdown” then calling it “lamenting” (ie expressing grief) is no different. The “so what” is that you got downvoted here because your comments show you haven’t internalized the handbook and that you’re still dependent on men’s opinions for validation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 08:45 PM
1

Replying again because I accidentally triggered the automod. Asking for help is a two-line post that says “I have a rectangular body shape. How do I play up my femininity, establish a flattering personal style, and/or what procedures should I consider?” People will be more than happy to help you and will give you plenty of advice. Lamentation is a six-paragraph post about how unworthy you feel in the eyes of men; some of the vindicta mods literally have [a word not allowed in this sub that means…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 07:58 PM
1

I’m trying to warn you because, if you make a post in either of those helpful subs, you’ll receive the exact same reception that you did here (downvotes). Their rules state “no complaining about beauty standards”. Your post is removed so I can’t quote verbatim, but if you make a post in those and use the same language where you said “not even a HVM will want me because of this”, “I feel like I’m lacking something, because I am”, etc. you’ll literally be reported and deleted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 07:02 PM
1

Download uBlock Origin adblocker software Obviously not everyone is attracted to the same thing, and not every preference has equal weight. If you prefer dark-haired men but meet a wonderful blond who respects you and treat you well, would you reject him?? No. If you’re a quality woman who meets 99/100 of someone’s preferences, it won’t be a dealbreaker (or if it allegedly is, that’s not a HVM anyways so it doesn’t matter) check out /r/vindicta or /r/vindictapoc for help styling yourself or find…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 05:32 PM
39

If the dates start lowering in effort, frequency, and value, bring it up. If they start leaving more of the housework to you, clean around it and clean up only after yourself. This is too generous. Block and delete instead of wasting time with someone who doesn’t care about you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 03:45 PM
3

Spot on. Especially since it took two to tango here. If one of them was somehow duped into showing up for a date they didn’t agree to, they should have realized the problem and decided to leave, but nope! They went along with it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 03:35 PM
36

In movies with romantic plot lines, there’s usually a “misunderstanding” where the woman is (understandably) led to believe that the man is cheating or doing something underhanded, but really he’s doing something heroic or altruistic. They get back together when she “learns the truth”. She’s made the fool for doubting him and has to apologize, and the woman is always the person in the wrong. Meanwhile, in real life, every woman I know who suspected cheating was correct but doubted herself, sayin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 12:58 PM
21

Honestly I’m reading this one to identify people who use these tactics. Know thine enemy
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 08:19 PM
37

The fact that it doesn’t even cross their minds that this is inappropriate shows that they have a poor sense of judgment. I’ve been told I’m too ruthless for cutting someone off because “oh come on, iT wAs JuSt oNe mIsTaKe!!” But, why would I tolerate someone who thought that the “mistake” was a good and reasonable choice?? If they seriously consider doing something horrible or treating you with no respect, there’s no telling what will happen if you excuse it and continue to allow them access to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 07:39 PM
15

May I recommend the “skull and crossbones” flag? The two meanings, deadly poisoning and pirates, both seem applicable. Plus it already comes with an emoji
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 02:32 PM
12

In addition to everything else posted here, I suggest filing a police report. This behavior might escalate, especially he finds out he doesn’t have access to your accounts anymore. Even if law enforcement can’t prove anything right now, having an official record of this may prove important later
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 09:26 PM
5

If you use the Firefox browser, you can set it up so that they continuously monitor your accounts for data breaches and alert you if there’s ever a new one
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 09:23 PM
49

Agreed! This isn’t “red flag” behavior, this is the behavior the red flags should have warned you about
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 03:54 PM
2

The bottom line is that this thread is about doctors not believing patients who say they aren’t sexually active. It doesn’t matter if the fail rate is >0% for birth control because I was using the 100% effective method of celibacy. The blood test wasn’t ordered to check for drug interference with pregnancy because he offered zero drugs or other treatment; it was to catch me in a lie that wasn’t a lie after all. An educated, adult woman who reports zero sexual activity, zero menstruation since 20…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 09:27 PM
1

Yeah, but I was using a medication that stopped my menstruation for years prior to that appointment, prescribed and administered by that office (so it was in my chart, plain to see). The drug is administered in person so they know I’ve used it with perfect compliance. Celibacy + amenorrhea = not pregnant. Also, he didn’t take urine, he took BLOOD without my knowledge or permission. I had to read the lab order myself to find out; he didn’t disclose it the phone call about the pathogen test result…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 05:19 PM
20

My family doctor (female) was on maternity leave back when I had salmonella poisoning. Her replacement doctor (male) insisted that I was pregnant. I explained that I had zero sexual activity, and my symptoms matched the diagnostic criteria for salmonella (not just any food poisoning, I did diligent research). He ordered a blood-sample pregnancy test along with food-borne pathogen test. Guess which one came back positive (spoiler alert, was not pregnant)! Even after it was scientifically confirme…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 12:34 AM
18

About a month ago I was watching a football game where, after scoring a touchdown, the player did gymnastics to celebrate (round-off back tuck with a full twist). The announcers were saying how he must be “incredibly strong” and “an ultimate athlete” to be able to do that. When my teammates and I did that exact same tumbling pass on the sidelines of a football game as cheerleaders, the boys and male teachers said we were “not real athletes” and it was “not a real sport”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 04:44 AM
3

This should be a separate post or handbook addition
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 07:17 PM
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