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questionsaboutrel521 Archive

View 9 posts and 381 comments by questionsaboutrel521 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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43

Exactly- one of the commenters above mentioned how her husband made sure her coffee was ready for her every morning. It’s a gesture that has nothing to do with money, but everything to do with care!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/22 07:07 PM
42

This is a great point and a good reminder that HVM is HVM to you and someone who adds value to your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/22 10:56 AM
35

My favorite FDS saying is, stop idolizing your dads and grandpas. Just because they’re your family doesn’t mean they are good to women 🤷🏾‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/22 02:13 AM
25

Wow, great example. So few men are this self aware. A very HVM trait.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 03:18 AM
50

This is how I met my boyfriend. It was a networking thing and I didn’t think anything of going up to him and introducing myself because it was not any romantic context. Men approaching me with obvious romantic intent is what seems creepy. I’ve randomly met and chatted with men in many friendly circumstances and I’m not some delicate flower afraid to speak to them, but don’t think I’ll go out with you if I know nothing about you and you’re clearly targeting me on looks alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/22 04:13 PM
6

Sookie is cool, Jackson is LVM though
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/22 05:16 PM
62

One of the biggest things I recommend, esp if you’ve been in an LTR since 20, is get out and meet people in a non-dating way. This can be hard. Push yourself to introduce yourself to people. Go to networking events and volunteer for community service events. Relationships pretty much always, even in the best of situations, cut down on socializing elsewhere and you will want to have a wide net in case there’s an event on a weekend and you’d like someone to go with you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/22 02:37 PM
6

It’s accurate that they gave their blessing to the film and spoke with the producers/director/screenwriter, but it’s inaccurate that they drove the vision at all. They were approached after the screenplay was written. However, a lot of women (even great, accomplished ones like Venus and Serena) deal with internalized misogyny. At FDS, the saying “Stop idolizing your dads and grandpas” is common. Just because you remember them fondly, doesn’t mean they weren’t bad to women. Richard is objectively…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 12:32 PM
58

He’s a “fierce defender of his family” who broke his wife’s ribs and threatened his family with a pellet gun. And those are just the incidents that have police reports attached.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 04:11 PM
184

The subject of the film is very relevant. In the speech he gave tonight, he literally says he is like the guy in the film. He defended his actions by saying “life imitates art.” The film is a lionized portrayal of a textbook LVM, from FDS standards, that mistreated women and children throughout his lifetime. He didn’t just not mention alopecia awareness. He didn’t even mention his wife by name in the speech once. But boy, did he have lots of words for himself as a “fierce defender of his family”…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 05:30 AM
101

Complete agreement to this. I saw a tweet where someone said, “I couldn’t figure out a way to explain this to my 8-year-old watching the show” and I think that tells you a lot. This is exactly what we don’t teach our children to do. Not only do two wrongs not make a right, but escalating to violence when you are not being physically threatened is not acceptable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 04:52 AM
1085

How did he actually defend his wife? He did not calmly stand up and say the joke was unacceptable. He didn’t challenge Chris at all on any point of the joke. He treated his wife as an object. You’ll note NOTHING in his self-absorbed, narcissistic speech later was actually about her or about awareness of what she’s going through. Nope. The word “alopecia” was only mentioned by the media. All it was, was “keep my wife’s name out of your mouth.” It was immediate violence. She didn’t even have a nam…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 04:36 AM
32

While I’m seeing some stories with red flags in this post, I want to offer up that while aspects of men’s divorces can be and are red flags, being divorced in itself needs to be very destigmatized. Divorce is one of the biggest feminist victories in history. I would have left my abuser sooner if I hadn’t felt so much shame about having a short marriage. I’ve seen some mean comments on FDS about divorce that do kind of make me cringe, because anyone (male or female) who claims they absolutely can…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/22 12:55 PM
43

I’m in agreement that over a certain age, divorced is better than never-married. My father put it this way: “If he really wanted to be married or have a family, wouldn’t he have at least tried by now?” And I find that to be excellent advice. (ETA: The same is not true of women simply because for the most part, men tend to be pursuers and ask women to marry them in most cultures. So a man that hasn’t been married and approaching 40 is sus because he didn’t pursue it while a woman may not have eve…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/22 12:26 PM
13

This is so important. One of the things that caught me off guard about my abuser was that he was “successful” and we are taught that men with anger problems are not (not only is that untrue, you have to decouple that with misogyny). I thought, well, he drinks a bit much and he has all these mental health issues. But he owns a beautiful house. He has a good job - I drop him off in front of the door in a suit every day (as it turned out, the job he told me was a lie). Why would someone who had to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/22 02:06 AM
154

EXACTLY. It is creepy men who find “random women” to go out with. I was talking this over with my BF recently when an acquaintance to both of us randomly asked me out in my DMs. It was a weird occurance because the guy immediately leapt to asking me for a date in the very. first. message. It was amusing, of course, because he should have known I was in a relationship - if you did ANY digging into my profile you’d see recent pictures with my BF. But it also just shows that he had no real interest…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/22 09:44 PM
82

As we can see in this case, wealth still doesn’t protect you from male violence. It’s a dangerous road to go down. I never thought I would be a woman who was abused. I was extremely independent since birth, had a good family who did their best, and had a master’s degree when I was sobbing quietly in a police station. It led me to so many humiliating experiences. You literally never know when this is going to happen to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 01:38 PM
60

Yes, this post feels on the money. On the one hand, it’s inherently not exploitative whereas porn is 1000%. On the other hand, if there is objectification of women there are the same red flags of any other behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 12:52 AM
49

I have heard multiple people on FDS advise younger women that if they are under 25 years old (e.g. college age or just out of it), that the handbook guidelines on not waiting more than 2-3 years to get engaged don’t really apply. I personally agree and think that since FDS is REALLY about making sure women have the best possible choices in relationships, it is super important to feel like you are on your way in your career before marriage. This prevents possible poverty in divorce later on down …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 03:17 PM
10

I agree with this. I didn’t wait three months with my current partner but I was comfortable and knew him before we started dating. The point of the rule is to see which men will respect your boundaries as you set them. If they ragequit over not having sex early, what else will they do?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 03:23 PM
6

I would consult an attorney first with whatever you know now about income and assets. The longer you wait, the more likely he is to file, and you don’t want to be caught on the defensive. You’ve already given him a long time in the separation to hide assets, create new accounts etc… any more time spent investigating on your own will just give him more time. To be honest, it’s impossible to know on a DIY basis what is realistic in terms of support, asset splits, etc in your jurisdiction (family l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 02:40 PM
83

Many people are saying consult with an attorney and to shop around until you find one you like - that is true. But they are not getting into the “how” of the consult. One of my worst moments was feeling blindsided by a female attorney at a fancy firm as I laid my life before her and she mostly shrugged, then the receptionist gave me a cookie on the way out. I had thought my abuse endured counted for something. It was surreal, and made me feel bad, but I had done it all wrong. Remember that marri…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 03:05 PM
30

This is great advice. Another piece of advice I’ve heard is that more money spent on therapy is more valuable than given to divorce attorneys.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 02:43 PM
361

I am happy Kim is the level of celebrity to have 24/7 seriously good security because what he’s been doing is terrifying. As a mother, releasing her kids into his care must be so scary. You have no idea what he might do. I hope she has escalated her legal strategy. Even more triggering, for me, has been seeing the LVM helping him as he becomes increasingly abusive. It all seems to be men colluding. The person who tipped him off about his daughters party that he wasn’t invited to? Man. The person…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 12:50 AM
22

The adage that I think works very nicely here and is great advice for women is this: Love yourself 51%. Put yourself first. You are not a mom, wife, sister, daughter first. You’re a human being with needs. Men already do this. Never love anyone more than you love yourself and make sure to prioritize your needs a little more. You’ll never fall into the trap of giving “your all” for someone and feeling slighted in return if you love yourself 51%.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 01:17 PM
48

Exactly!! My true success is that I have built a life I love that doesn’t depend on my relationships. Between owning my own home and decorating it to my taste, loving my pups, having a great job and MEANINGFUL friends and community, and a 5-year plan to both financial freedom and potential parenting… my boyfriend is great, but he’s just a bonus. My life will never fall apart if that domino gets removed. I credit FDS for so much of that mindset shift.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/22 05:16 PM
29

That’s not being a pickme at all. If you genuinely love sports/football you should watch, and hopefully a partner might create a fun way to do it! That’s how they add value to your life. EXAMPLE: Big football game I wanted to watch was happening and our friends had organized a watch party while I was on a restrictive diet. Most game food people in the group would be bringing would be off-limits. Without me asking, my bf made and brought a special “game day food” dish that would conform to my die…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 02:00 AM
48

Yes, I agree that red flags appear early on. This is why FDS preaches leaving at the first sign of disrespect. Cut and go. Will that man who made the weird remark about your body on the second date become physically abusive and violent? Maybe not. But it’s not worth the chance. So vetting really helps. However, I DO think it’s still important for all women to know about the post-commitment escalation thing, because it still saves them from future abuse and potential serious harm or death. So man…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 12:00 AM
56

YES. All the men I’ve dated that I considered HV (even if things didn’t work out) were consistently looking to meet up approx. 1-2 times a week in the beginning and chatting a little each day over text or phone. If he doesn’t want to see you, he’s not that into you and you’re an option, not a priority. This is neither “we’re spending every day together” nor random spurts of interest and ghosting. Consistent investment and reasonable boundaries.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/22 09:30 PM
288

Not only can abusers show their true colors after papers have been signed, this is a NOTABLE common tactic. Many abusers specifically escalate after a major commitment (ex. Moving in, pregnancy, engagement, marriage). They want to see how far they can push you. Why? It confuses their victim and puts guilt and strain on them for not being “loyal” and upholding the commitment. This is one reason why homicide is the leading cause of death of pregnant women. OP is doing something AMAZINGLY BRAVE by …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/22 09:27 PM
38

I just want us in this community to be clear that many of what we are led to believe are consenting, “sex pozzy” sex workers are in reality fake accounts maintained by men, bots, and traffickers. Yes, it has gotten so bad that it has influenced many young people’s political discourse. However, I am skeptical of the number of “young women” who are actually voluntarily engaging in sex work. For example, a woman might share intimate photos with a partner and have them leaked to the internet against…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 09:00 PM
56

Good for you! If you don’t have similar long-term values it is not worth it to continue for either of your sakes. He might be a good and respectful partner, just not what YOU need or want in your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 04:05 PM
15

Oh man, this is such pure advice. Would love if the mods would consider this for stickied or handbook material. I know SO SO SO many young women who this would have helped. The language is super clear.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 03:59 PM
71

Love is respect. When I was leaving my NVM, another person told me: “Well, he may love you. But that is going to kill you.” Or, a poet wrote this about abusive relationships: “He does love you. He loves you hurt. And he will do it again.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 02:40 PM
55

Yeah, do you think someone with a loving partner is spending their time like this? Lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 02:57 PM
10

No, it’s ok, we all have a lot more internalized misogyny than we think. You are a survivor who has learned and you’re flexible to change your thinking with experience! OP is right that the best way to move forward is to share our experiences with sisters and be firm and open about feminism. I have friends who I am helping navigate early dating and I’m really glad I’ve been behind them talking about red flags. I don’t want her being taken advantage of and there’s not been a single man either of …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 12:32 PM
22

DON’T👏IDOLIZE 👏 YOUR 👏 DADS 👏 AND 👏GRANDPAS
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 05:45 PM
135

WOW, never knew someone who came to FDS because of men. That’s awesome! Good to know these guys are out there!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 05:33 PM
53

The saying about equal rights is classic 50/50 thinking. It’s a trap of liberal feminism and ignores the reality of present-day misogyny. Also, FDS or not, it’s extremely fine in dating to like what you like and have standards. It’s normal for you to be looking for a serious relationship, which means that you really SHOULD be cutting off guys who don’t want that as soon as possible. You just want different things. That’s the most basic terms of dating - wanting the same things - and it’s only we…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 05:32 PM
69

In FDS I’ve seen a saying - stop idolizing your dads and grandpas. The same can be said of your brother. Your brother may be a great brother to you. But feminism is about the political, social, and economic advancement of women, specifically. Most men naturally will resist feminist advances, even if they theoretically believe in women’s equality, because it disadvantages them. Some of what you’ve revealed in your post and comments lead me to believe your brother is in this camp. Does this make h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 05:28 PM
33

I completely agree. In my opinion 12 step programs are completely flawed when intimate partner violence is present. I went to Al-Anon a few times and it was really unhelpful when DV is present. I think it’s fine and perhaps helpful for people who have distant relatives who are alcoholics, for example. The brother two states away drinking himself to death that you worry about. But women, teens, and families who are struggling with someone in their home that have turned violent need drastically di…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 04:15 PM
46

Treating the mother of your children well is a green flag to me. A man I know still actually pays the whole bill for the three of them (child, mother, and father) when they go to eat as a family. He’s never said anything about this or made it a “thing”, I just noticed it. He’s a really good guy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 04:07 PM
56

If it is a strong relationship, more info may come out about the past over time. But in the beginning it’s totally inappropriate!! Two divorced HVM friends I can think of, both of them never shit talk their ex. When they discuss their divorces, even though the women cheated in both circumstances, they also discuss what they did wrong and how they could have been better husbands to not end up there. One of the things I learned dating an abuser is that a MAJOR sign of mental instability is black-a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 04:04 PM
96

We love this 👏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 09:19 PM
134

Great story. Dates suggested indicate investment. Multiple female friends I know on OLD have to bend over backwards to make plans with men. I have one who justifies it by saying she doesn’t want something serious. Doesn’t matter. Even if I was looking for more of a fling or FWB, I’d want someone who values me enough as a human to be able to make a fun plan for our time together and stick to it. You’re not having a great casual love affair on a walk date. Romance books are not made from men who a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 02:40 AM
110

I went to a university known for STEM programs but I was always in small humanities circles. My freshman roommate was a very nice girl who started off in a hard STEM discipline - engineering. She felt so domineered and corralled that she eventually switched to a classic science discipline and finally to a liberal arts one. I felt badly as she was soft spoken and it was clear the environment played a big part in her changing her interests.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 01:27 PM
10

Yes. I am confident enough now to know I’d rather be alone than with a man I don’t feel totally satisfied by and proud of.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 02:23 AM
65

This is fine, but in FDS there is a saying (I could be saying this wrong, paraphrasing) - stop idolizing your dads and grandpas. And this falls a little too squarely into that for me. Why? Well, your dad or grandpa may have been perfectly nice to you. He even may have (and this is a BIG if) been a good husband to the women family members in your life for the time period. But most of our grandmothers had few to no options other than Stockholm syndrome. We don’t know what it was like for them to c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 04:59 PM
92

Great post. I keep telling my friends to cut them off at the first sign of disrespect. I think women are so warped by the sunk cost fallacy. “I don’t want to start all over so I will fix this.” Nope. If you are really looking for Mr. Right, you need to get the guys that are NOT for you out of the way as FAST as possible so you can get back in the pool and keep looking! Block and delete is the opposite of wasting your time - it’s valuing your time so it only gets spent with the best men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 04:48 PM
188

Horrifying. My partner is the “go get ‘em” type, raring to get out of bed and go about the day. I sometimes want to cling to our couch-and-cuddle time. Despite having this personality difference, he has never told me no. I can’t imagine quality time being timed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 02:09 PM
33

Yep, I know a few travel nurses. Rates for the past two years have been insane if you are willing to be a contractor and be flexible. Those stats are probably more for pre-Covid times. I saw the BLS stat quoted earlier was from May 2020, which means the data it is based on is even older - that has gone way up since then.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 02:04 PM
19

Lundy in his writing explicitly calls out porn in creating abusers. So happy he was on the podcast!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 02:15 AM
18

I have to say, it was even better than I thought! Not triggering either. Definitely listen!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 02:15 AM
7

Great story and reminds me of my own. It’s so true that rebuilding your own life as an adult on your own terms is extremely liberating. Best of luck to your family and your future as an awesome nurse!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/22 02:36 AM
40

Women redditors are definitely likely to be swayed by misogynistic views since the vast majority of the site skews young and male. Why does the young part matter? Well, younger men are less likely to have been married, in serious relationships, or be fathers and be able to better empathize with women’s perspectives. It’s strange that FDS is considered so cRaZy and out there by Reddit standards, but in real life, a decent number of men I know think it’s common sense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 09:33 PM
32

I agree with both OP and you. I do believe HVM are not rare. But part of the problem I see with my female friends on OLD or looking for someone is that unlike what we are taught by FDS, they don’t drop men at the first sign of disrespect. They see something troubling and keep on going. Oof. It’s so much wasted time and emotional energy when they would have more time to match with someone HVM if they just rid themselves of LVM quickly. So part of the scarcity mindset can be a self-fulfilling prop…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 02:20 PM
70

Yes! Meeting an HVM requires being an HVW. It’s like step one in the handbook. Treat yourself like gold, before you expect anyone else to do so.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 04:24 AM
43

Additionally, I think it’s important to note that if adoption is a route you are considering, to be careful of the ethics of many private adoption agencies. A number of them prey on vulnerable women and use their faith to pressure them against abortion care and into giving up their children for adoption. Not all are like this but a number operate in this fashion, so research is very important. I agree that fostering is a really great option, though difficult. Additionally, some local fostering a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 04:38 PM
28

I HATE this argument. Working at a fast food place is not traumatic in itself. Nobody would consider rape as part of the possibility of the job at McDonalds. McDonalds objectively doesn’t hire children below legal working age. McDonald’s has a hiring process that has possibilities for advancement. I could go on. I really hate that something so traumatic is compared to normal jobs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 05:31 PM
48

Exactly. One of the points made on that post was that FDS is the same as pill subs because “it doesn’t matter if it works.” I think that assumes that having a boyfriend/husband is how it “works” which is fundamentally incorrectly because doing those things isn’t hard for us. I have literally always had boys asking me out and no problem getting in relationships. And I don’t consider myself particularly good looking in a conventional sense, trust me. What I use FDS for is collective consciousness …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 02:53 AM
26

Yes, take my upvote. I’m a big believer in the fact that deceit and infidelity are way worse crimes than snooping and it’s something both my partner and I have discussed. I have definitely told him I snooped on my NVM ex - and found horrific content every time! Women need to learn to trust their instincts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 01:42 PM
17

I actually think this is the best answer. The stereotypes OP posted tend to be true - often, women wait too long and put their happiness last as they wait for children to grow up. Often, men (even men who are not LVM) crave comfort and try to jump into a relationship too fast. Wait a year to date is a great timeline. It’s time to heal, learn how to live on your own and love yourself, and be sure you’re not dependent on anyone. That will only put you in a stronger position when you decide to date…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 07:30 PM
157

It was definitely her fault he went to rehab for the first time three years before they started dating. He must have known that 10+ years later he would be married to a woman and unhappy. Good thing he got out of there before being destroyed from being “trapped.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 03:32 AM
29

Your story is inspiring. Enjoy your gorgeous house and even more gorgeous life free of stress!! You EARNED this! I totally agree. I left my NVM abuser and completely leveled up. I have the job of my dreams, things to do and people to see every day of the week, my own home nobody can take away from me, pets to snuggle and plants to brighten my day, and even a supportive boyfriend who is more loving than I thought I deserved. If I had stayed wedded to the ring, I wouldn’t have opened myself up to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 01:37 AM
13

Yes. I feel like this thread is missing the fact that patriarchy puts women into a bind on surnames from the moment they are born (for the most part). I wish women all the luck and choices in navigating these hard waters.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 04:04 AM
54

I agree with this. He should stand up for you as a team. If his family really wants a good relationship with their son and wants him to be happy, they will shut up sooner than go to war over it. But they’ll keep leaning on him until he cuts it off. One story my boyfriend told off-handedly was about the biggest fight he ever had with his mom. I asked what it was about, and as it turns out, it’s something she had said about his ex-wife while they were married. After the comment, he got up and actu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 12:55 PM
41

Outside of his 8 children from 3 marriages (the most recent being in 2012 when he was 70 years old with a woman who was only a year older than Venus!), he supposedly fathered at least 7-9 other kids, according to one of the children he abandoned from his first marriage. What’s tragic about the movie is that it’s a completely inaccurate picture of this man’s life. The basic bent of the film is that he’s SUCH a devoted dad that he’s a hardass and getting flak because he’s soooo strict. Even if the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 03:42 PM
138

I love this so much!!! I know so many beautiful women with little self esteem who fall for this crap!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 03:33 PM
81

Absolutely. I know a scrote in our community who is wealthy and left his wife after she had supported him in illness and was publicly terrible to her in the divorce. He is now dating a woman 20 years his junior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 03:24 PM
91

I agree that men do this, but I am a feminist precisely because I don’t want to emulate men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 03:53 PM
376

Just want to point out in the video, she alludes to the fact that he had cancer treatment. So perhaps he looks older or different than she might even if they are similar ages after that experience for a medical reason.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 01:27 PM
10

In this case, the distinction is important because one of the girls had a toxicology report that came back with heroin in her system. The husband of Christy emphatically says neither girl was a user. It’s important to point out that they may have been forcibly injected because it would be easy to brush it off and say, oh, they partied too hard and overdosed and that was it. If so, there’s so many things not adding up, which is why foul play is more likely. Since the drug is heroin, the language …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 01:20 PM
22

Horrifying that her husband must live with this knowledge - that this video may be out there and he probably can’t take it down. I can’t imagine what a loved one would feel.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 01:13 PM
90

I’ve heard a lot of women there aspire to be a “Gold Miss” -which is an independent, rich, single older woman. I LOVE IT! Go South Korean queens 👑 https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gold_Miss
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 02:17 AM
26

Their age difference was more than her age
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 11:22 PM
7

We love to hear it!!! She’s a queen and this was great advice
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 03:54 PM
21

I totally agree on a conceptual level. I have learned to treasure my independence and have a space that is all MINE and where I invite people. Having your own home is empowering. For me, I am open to the idea of marriage but only if it was such a strong proposition that it would be better than my independence. So many women never get to truly experience being in their own home. It’s a really powerful feeling to walk in and have nobody be able to take that space but you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 01:56 PM
39

How long have you been together? Look, a man who truly values you will be slowly escalating his commitment to you, and it should seem obvious. There should start to be hints or casual discussions or plans about the future between the first and second year of dating. If he shows no interest in that, it’s indicative of what he thinks of you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 11:56 AM
6

Definitely another red flag, too. We need to train women to casually date so they can discern what is right for them. Men are much less programmed than women to be looking for their Prince Charming in anyone who shows them attention.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 11:51 AM
20

Men who claim to be ridiculously vulnerable on a first date is a HUGE red flag. 🚩 A comment I read from a therapist has really struck me for people to be aware of. They noted it is NOT psychologically healthy for someone to “spill” all their life details and trauma early on in ANY relationship. Intimacy should be built. So if you meet that new best friend who immediately spills all and you seem like you’re destined, or the colleague who instantly starts deep dive gossiping, or the date who tries…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 11:25 AM
16

Lots of plastic surgery - tons and tons - is not elective in the way we think about it with celebrities. A huge amount of it is reconstructive for people who get into terrible accidents and have visible injuries. For them, plastic surgery is a lifeline to get past what happened to them and look like themselves again, and it takes a very compassionate physician to help that. Even for procedures we mostly identify as cosmetic, there are reconstructive uses. Consider breast augmentation- though mos…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 02:43 AM
130

Good post. I really like Mike Birbiglia’s comedy The New One on this point. He has a section where he discusses how all men know one or two REALLY bad ones, basically that they enable them. Then he also talks about how even the “good guys” aren’t that good. Case in point, himself. The entire story goes about how his daughter is born and his family is coping and how he slowly slips into LVM/not doing enough behavior. The climax realization is when he snaps and has the thought, “This is why so man…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 04:02 PM
239

Yes. He keeps calling this a “family argument” and using terms like that to soften the 1) abusive language and 2) fact that he hit her. He denies to the public that he hit her. Yet to the eyes of the law, he pleads no contest. That makes literally NO sense for a man who is wealthy enough for unlimited legal assistance and who is innocent. You would fight to PROVE IT. This is classic manipulative abuser tactics, quite frankly. I hope Gigi can keep her wits about her when it comes to fighting for …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 03:55 PM
28

Oh man, I’m so glad I have an HVM because we both make fun of this song. And we live in the South where it’s played all the time. Women inherently tend to accept less because men have less sophisticated tastes. I did it in previous relationships. DON’T 👏 LOWER 👏 YOURSELF 👏 If you like museums and Asian fusion, don’t settle for Wendy’s and an action flick at a sticky multiplex. I now know I would rather take myself out to something nice than just do garbage with and for a garbage man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 12:47 PM
1

This is a famous feminist comic on this topic that gets shared a lot. You Should’ve Asked - The Mental Load
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 01:28 PM
40

Yes. My boyfriend and I are very much on the same page about the exploitation of women being prostituted. I actually got to see this in action where we went to a “birthday party” that turned into a surprise strip show. I didn’t have to say ANYTHING. There was no nagging. He turned away and left the room without even a word to me virtue signaling about it. Because HE didn’t want to see that. He told me the last time he was at a bachelor party with a sex show, he left and went to the hotel bar dow…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 01:29 PM
8

This is some great perspective, thank you for your wisdom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 08:13 PM
2

It’s also a bad sign if he is estranged from family, friends, and/or community. Always be skeptical of a story of a perpetual victim. My NVM ex was speaking with family when we met but had said he had cut them off before for years at a time. Then while we were together he did it again. But would randomly contact them or answer when they contacted him and hurl insults at them. I believed his excuses for the erratic behavior and weird relationship, that they must have been so horrible and all trea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 06:19 PM
81

Chris sucks but at least Lorelei, even when she makes mistakes, knows to leave relationships when it doesn’t serve her. And at least she has hard boundaries over cheating. The scene where she chastises Rory over Dean is a great one, particularly how she breaks down to Rory that no matter what Dean is saying about his marriage, not to believe him. Why would she possibly believe someone who is unfaithful to be telling the truth?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 01:55 AM
72

I’ve appreciated how diverse geographically FDS has been. Reading posts about how an FDS sister in India has been navigating has been refreshing. That’s why I’m glad for this rule.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/21 12:00 PM
1

From what you’ve written, it doesn’t necessarily indicate he’s LV, but it just seems like your lifestyles are very much a mismatch. I’m at the age where there are lots of folks like you who have kids and living a more mature lifestyle/focused heavy on career and home, while lots are not quite settled/apt with roommates/gig jobs still. It’s an odd stage of life but I do think it kind of separates who you can really connect with. If there’s nowhere you two can meet in the middle, it’s hard to see …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/21 03:07 PM
1

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Hopefully it will be over soon and you’ll have some relief.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/21 02:59 PM
2

Glad you are seeing this skeptically. I offer on occasion as well but the fact that he felt the need to say something means he feels your relationship is transactional. The “nothing needs to change” after that was him realizing you noticed what he said.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/21 02:58 PM
10

I want to add that early dating shows effort about sharing an experience together in a way that builds a bond, just the two of you. So it’s not just the what, but the why. I’ll give an example. A common first date or early date is to go see a movie. A lovely experience I had when first dating my bf was that we both loved film and it was getting close to “award season.” So we tried to watch all the major Oscar nominated films together. This led us to some fun places, as we had to go to indie cine…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/21 12:51 PM
9

I gently try to work with family and friends for them to understand my point of view. I know many pickme women and men who are kind people who hold misogynist viewpoints. I just don’t back down. My boyfriend knows I’m a radical feminist and agrees with the majority of my views. He and I sometimes debate the nitty gritty when it comes to specific issues in our town and how identity politics affects it, but we agree broadly. I encourage friends in their relationship journey to resist misogyny. I h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/21 12:39 PM
2

I agree that lately many posts and comments focus on too much criticism of women. While some pickmes are truly trying to encourage other women towards bad behavior and deserve to be criticized, others are simply ignorant of the depth of internalized misogyny - and there’s been a little too much mean girling towards that lately.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/21 12:26 PM
14

Absolutely, and I didn’t mean this comment to shame, just that I genuinely think it’s wonderful that women are so often deeply caring partners and mothers. When you look at the roots of the behavior that cause women to list these things first in their Instagram profiles, it’s the same instincts that make us extremely less likely to abandon our children versus men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/21 01:01 PM
121

Yes, and there’s nothing wrong with being proud of and deeply connected to your relationships. I’m a big fan of “patriarchy messes with us more than we realize on a day to day basis” and trying to resist the internalized hatred of the feminine spirit with “not like other girls” messaging. It’s a good and positive trait that women are often so caring and empathetic that they express themselves with their family ties. It’s bad that men, the principal problem, try to take advantage of that care and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 11:26 AM
49

There is another aspect to this I think women miss. It is our own self-esteem. We are raised to think we must be in charge of household management if we want it done to any standard. As I write this comment, my bf is preparing dinner (we don’t live together, clearly, per handbook). He also made dinner last night. Admittedly I paid for some of the ingredients at the store. The night before that, we went out and he paid. The night before that, he made dinner. I just went in the kitchen and asked i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 12:29 AM
49

I love FDS and also this appears to be in the UK and all my understanding is in US law, so I could be wrong, but I will approach this from a fairly common law perspective. For those commenting that his contributions monthly and the 14k savings put into the house are considered rent, that is untrue because they were married. This is why marriage matters (for the “piece of paper” scrotes) and how it makes a huge difference in this scenario. They were a legal unit during the time they owned this ho…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 03:31 PM
9

I can relate to this too!! I got Covid last year and while I had mild symptoms, bf would bring care packages and meals to my door. Since we obviously needed to social distance so he wouldn’t get it, we had “porch dates” where he would come and sit on the other side of the porch, bring food and a craft beer, and talk. He even brought me a big jigsaw puzzle to work on because he figured I’d be bored in quarantine. If he wanted to, he would. FDS has changed my life in what I will accept.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 01:37 PM
124

It’s so sad seeing both women so beautiful and both of the men so average at best. Look at how nicely dressed they are while the guys are wearing sweats too. We need to stop settling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/21 01:23 PM
54

Horrifically embarrassing. Like I would die of embarrassment. Such manipulation. If it was just an “I love you” billboard not about misdeeds, totally different. But the context is insane.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 12:18 PM
2

You got this! Honestly the new life is so refreshing. This year on what would have been my anniversary, I didn’t even realize it - I was out living my best life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 11:32 AM
2

GREAT JOB!! I just want to remind you that like breaking all bad habits, if you DO accidentally fall off the wagon don’t see it as a sign all progress is over and give up. Shake yourself off and keep going. Next is don’t punish yourself for thinking of them, looking them up online, those kinds of things. You can’t control your intrusive thoughts and over time with NC, they will lessen. You are at the start of a brilliant new life!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/21 02:43 PM
11

Even without further context it’s obvious they were not just white-appearing students who were quietly in the multicultural center to study. You wouldn’t be wearing obvious political slogans that are correlated with an ideology that wouldn’t support multiculturalism if you weren’t trying to troll. I feel really badly for your friends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/21 02:39 PM
32

Yep. I’m with someone now for whom physical touch and quality time is much more important than words and what that means is, after a hard day he doesn’t want to talk about it, but he needs me to sit on the couch and watch TV and snuggle. It’s not conflated with sexuality at all, it’s literally much more of a comfort feeling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/21 02:36 PM
20

Absolutely. When some people come at me with the idea that sex work should be legalized because some people want to be sex workers - which ignores that 98% (more?) globally are being put into slavery against their will, pretty much all women/children and to satisfy the needs of men - I think we need to change the narrative. People who are experiencing homelessness sometimes resist receiving social services because they “want“ to be homeless. And yet we DON’T give up on them as a moral stance and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 02:13 PM
85

Just remember that her defenses are really a way of her not being able to process her own trauma in the moment. It’s a way of her trying to see herself in control of her own narrative. It’s why the online culture affirming sex work is so dangerous. You’ll note that women who are 10, 20 years out of the life are never vigorously defending it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 11:35 AM
32

YES! I have been thinking this too. The infantilizing of white women has to do with the perversion of men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 02:33 AM
45

Yes. There is something I can’t put my finger on when people are like, “OK but WHAT about the missing and murdered indigenous women?!” And now I’ve realized what it is from your post. People of all political backgrounds and races are deeply trying to distract from the pervasiveness of male violence. I’m upset about Gabby, I’m upset about these faceless women of color being used to score props on online debates to win the “I am more smug than you” arguments. I’m astounded that people aren’t most …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 11:53 AM
151

This is what really triggered me. My abuser would lock me out of the house when he was having an episode in order to establish control and dominance. Sometimes in the middle of the night. The idea of “kicking you out” is a huge part of the coercive control cycle. My absolute fear is that she died in one of these parks or desert alone because he was able to physically get her away from her phone and drive off in her car.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 01:51 PM
4

I wish I had been told this. At 20 I fell for an LVM at school who was very talented in one niche area, but supremely unmotivated and immature. I fell completely for the potential, helped him with school (he admits he wouldn’t have graduated without me, or at least not easily), helped him in moving out on his own. After all this he wanted an open relationship, etc. I eventually dumped him but we remained friends. Now at 30, I own my own car and home, have retirement accounts (not with much yet b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 04:54 PM
6

Yes, this is similar for me. I found FDS while leaving an abusive marriage. I was also on other subs. My bf now feels HV but there is still so much to maintain about being a HVW and trying to give other women a subtle reality check. Plus as someone who is invested in FDS, I’m never stopping vetting and not ever going to put all my eggs in one basket.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 12:26 PM
14

I have taken this from my research on abusive men. Do not take it lightly if men are “jokingly” or “artistically” misogynistic. It is a sign of how they see or will treat real women as objects. Furthermore, men who have a complex with violence (for example, he owns a lot of guns, but doesn’t participate in sporting OR obsessed with law enforcement culture) are more likely to commit violence. The minute a man shows that he finds violence and brutality funny, walk away. I didn’t know this before i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 12:20 PM
17

Totally agree and I feel you. But one thing the handbook is good about as well is making sure people know about sus timelines in the opposite direction - which is what you’re talking about. It’s really bad to have a guy not talk about the future after being together for 3 years, but it’s also really bad to say you love someone after two weeks. Both are equally bad from an FDS perspective. I also really like how if he wanted to, he would works to separate words from actions. It doesn’t just mean …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 07:58 PM
79

Yes!! He documents this so well in the book. As Lundy Bancroft says, he doesn’t have a problem with anger. He has a problem with YOUR anger. Such a powerful read. If I ever have a daughter or a foster daughter I am making her read as a teen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 07:05 PM
0

I don’t know how I feel. I changed mine and had a short marriage with an abusive NVM. Out of that, I started a new life for myself. I physically couldn’t have started my new life under my old name since I wasn’t divorced until after I escaped. Then once I did get divorced, I felt self-conscious about changing it back - I had just met so many new people after I escaped, now after a couple weeks I am going to try to have them remember a new name? So I kept it. And for me, it was a bit of a symbol …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 03:05 AM
1

I understand what you are saying, but we are all navigating the patriarchy together and it isn’t easy. I made a different choice with my name and it isn’t really as glib as this comes across.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 02:54 AM
3

I’m proud of your husband for keeping his ex’s name because he shares it with his children. Many women do that and you rarely hear of a man with the same take.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 02:49 AM
41

Yes. The vast, vast majority of women and children involved in this disgusting underworld are being forced or coerced, not at all choosing it like lib fems seem to think. To me, the most eye-opening part of this movie was about 20 minutes and when they show the class that the men who solicited sex have to take. It is disgusting how they normalize it and purposefully try not to shame the men, going out of their way to try to tell them that it’s not a big deal. Absolutely shameful as children are …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 05:05 PM
10

I’ve shared a few examples of my boyfriend on here with HVM behavior. Here’s one of my recent examples. We traveled for the first real time since COVID. Because of the industry I work in, I was able to get admission to a rare and expensive activity that just so happens to have featured someone he loves. While it was “pulling strings” for me to get, I was happy to do it for him. We try to plan a bunch of other things around it. One was a very fancy restaurant that I had picked, was looking forwar…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 02:12 PM
5

Thank you for making us aware of the conference! Wow, I so admire Dr. Dines for gathering a distinguished group of academics, NGOs, and cultural organizations to really take this head on. Lots of prestigious universities represented. Great international community. Looking forward to seeing FDS’s contribution!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 01:49 PM
6

This hit me hard in the feels. You have so much strength!! Thank you for taking the brave step to get out!! I am unrecognizable from the person I was when being abused. It’s amazing how quickly you snap out of it when you are out of his control. You got this and it’s only up from here. Every stressor in my life post-leaving my abuser - car troubles, finances, stress from work - all of it was so much more tolerable than going through those things while living in fear. You are ready to move forwar…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 05:44 PM
10

I love how these Gen Z women stood up and took NO shit. I love how they absolutely stood their ground, did not leave, and kept calling attention to how creepy he was. They did not go quiet. I love their analysis later in their tik tok, where they mention that they believe the ONLY reason he approached them and not other women in bikinis is that they were the only all-female group. Stay woke, young women!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 01:00 PM
35

Thank goodness Anna (his ex-wife) is a radiant queen. As this mess goes around the tabloids, she is announcing her acceptance into a prestigious art show. Snatch them coins and hold your head high, girl.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 12:56 PM
192

That’s what I thought. I see lots of posts where scrotes want a FWB situation and house cleaning (a literal mommy mcbangmaid) but at least in exchange for FREE rent. This guy is an even bigger tool than those guys to ask for all that AND ALSO HAVE HER PAY RENT?!?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 12:43 PM
7

Amazing thought! Yes!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/21 03:02 AM
14

I absolutely agree with this. If I were to get married, I do believe in joint accounts and funds. But leave yourself a savings cushion that nobody knows about that you can draw upon at any time in case you need to book it. It’s absolute-emergency money.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 12:37 PM
32

My bf is, like me, opposed to sex work due to how objectifying and degrading it is. He has told me stories of what the boy’s club can get like. In one of my favorite ones, there was a bachelor party and one member of the party asked the others about strippers. BF and one other guy said no, they would not participate. Strippers come anyway and BF and other guy try to leave to hotel bar. On the way out, Scrote who ordered the stripper says to bf, “You can’t tell [Wife’s Name].” BF is divorced but …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 12:32 PM
6

You are right!! It was the younger brother of the ex-girlfriend!! Insane!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 06:24 PM
9

In re: your argument about sweat shops, it’s SO WEIRD to me that people who are leftist argue that being pro-sex work is being anti-capitalist. It’s the most capitalist thing there is to try to exhaust bodies in the means of productive labor. Truly insane.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 03:20 AM
61

The “son” is the child of an EX-girlfriend who no longer lives with him. He got engaged to his now wife six months after telling the world that the child was his “son” AKA his girlfriend’s son. He had never adopted the “son” and seemed to move on reallyyyyy quick if he was indeed living with the mother and son as a family six months prior. tl;dr the son thing was always bullshit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 02:32 AM
58

No wonder she was advocating for legalizing sex work. She is profiting off of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 01:26 AM
22

Absolutely. While the other woman used in the article doesn’t espouse FDS principles per se, she clearly shows the importance of vetting and standards. I love how for all her dates, she had her friends help screen out guys who didn’t meet her standards. This was a good article for women to read.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 02:31 PM
28

I truly appreciate that they clearly approached actual leaders/mods of FDS since Savannah is quoted. One reason why the Pickminique article is so hated around here is because she did zero due diligence around actually capturing the mainstream FDS point of view, instead focusing on salaciousness and a couple of joke meme posts and “interviewing” random people who weren’t really a part of the sub. By interviewing Savannah FDS women can read this article and know the journalist actually made an eff…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 02:27 PM
2

I hope you have been able to leave or are figuring out your exit!! Sis, you deserve more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 12:28 PM
80

Great analysis. Another way this kind of logic manifests is in sniffing out abusive men. Lundy Bancroft notes in his book that men should be given absolutely zero sympathy for domestic violence because the idea that they are just mentally ill and go “out of control” is insanely untrue. Bancroft notes that men who are violent with female partners are able to keep control at work or school. Somehow, they don’t hit their bosses like they do their partners. Once you understand that narrative, you re…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 12:57 PM
73

Yeah, I’m not cf but I believe women deserve HV treatment simply because we live in a patriarchal society and any understanding man will know that dating is literally physically dangerous for us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 02:00 PM
28

Amazing! I was just watching the episode of Gilmore Girls where Rory loses her virginity to Dean. I really appreciate how Lorelei, though she often chooses not to “parent” Rory by scolding her, suddenly lays the line down on this point. “Are the divorce papers signed? Is he out of the house?” And the minute Rory starts to pout and blame the wife because things are supposedly horrible with her, Lorelai says, “No, we aren’t going to do this.” That show definitely has some problematic elements and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 01:43 PM
53

Yep, I’m divorced and think I’m average, nothing special, in the looks dept and that’s IF I do makeup and hair. FDS is about the respect all women deserve, and realizing how easily we have the upper hand if we take it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 07:17 PM
1

It happened to me. I picked myself up and moved where I didn’t know a soul after my horrible divorce and abuse situation. I think the biggest thing is a mindset shift. I changed my mind and said: “I deserve the best of everything.” I started buying stuff for my house so that it could be a nice place that was MY style. I started planning on how I would replace my car, as my old car was getting up in years. I let men treat me. A man I dated very briefly said that he wanted to find me an appliance …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 02:49 PM
53

What the handbook says, and what I’ll argue, is that it isn’t social class in a cultural and even monetary status but rather stability. My most abusive ex came from a rich family and had a 6-figure job. But he had huge personality disorder issues, including impulsiveness. Taking all of his emotional issues and physical abuse with me aside, on the issue of finances alone, he had every advantage but was not STABLE. His housing payment was too high for his income, he gambled and lost tons of money …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 06:21 PM
30

It’s crazy since basic finance advice is not to sell a house without owning for 5 years, since you won’t recoup your initial costs (obviously there are exceptions but still). So you need to be sure you are committed. While I would never recommend living with a scrote before marriage period from an FDS perspective, the best general legal advice for non-married partners cohabiting is that one partner buys the house while the other rents from them, WITH a month-to-month lease, and can always be add…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 07:20 PM
24

Exactly. Note how SHE had graduated and made 6 figures already while he had messed up his schooling. He literally is dragging her down
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 05:16 PM
216

Not even feminist advice! Literally basic financial advice for all people, men and women. Don’t buy a house together without marriage. Don’t co-sign for friends, family, etc. with maybe the exception of your children and even then be extremely cautious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 02:39 PM
36

As someone who was taken by a grifter and serial liar before, it’s super comforting to see my bf‘s social profiles. It helped to confirm that what he had told me about his background - jobs, exes - was in fact true. If someone does not have serious, close ties to community or a social life that YOU CAN SEE, question it. I have seen so many posts where the woman can’t meet the family or the friends - like, that’s sketch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 05:27 PM
6

Your points are very valid about how HVM divorced men act. I have a friend who is HVM and divorced, father of a girl. He is always extremely good to his ex when she is around - still pays for her meals as a family when they eat out, etc. and he makes sure he sees his daughter every day, even if it is picking her up from school only to take her to his ex’s house. It is extremely rare. He is precious and the only single dad I know who acts this way. Most dads trot their kids around for women they …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 11:57 AM
30

DANGEROUS small dick energy also. I happen to be good friends with an ex. He was LVM when we dated but we were really young and immature. However he really does look out for me now. When I met my abusive NVM ex-husband, he knew my old bf was a friend and didn’t care. Until we got into a fight and old bf said to me, “I’m worried about you with this guy. This doesn’t seem normal.” Suddenly, old bf was the ENEMY and JEALOUS and I HAD to stop talking to him. And I did. Because that’s not a crazy req…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 10:57 AM
73

This. There is so much evidence pointing out that porn is a rabbit hole like much of the Internet. It’s designed to get you into progressively more violent videos.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 09:58 PM
21

Hey just want to bring some 👑queen energy👑 into the discussion and say that I think it’s not a bad thing that women do this, necessarily. Patriarchy and capitalism tries to teach us femininity is somehow lesser in status and feminine traits are not worthwhile. Women defining themselves empathetically and through their relationships shows how caring and collaborative they are. Women identifying strongly with being mothers shows through in how, statistically, women are much less likely to abandon …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 12:43 PM
131

One reason why we should love Diana is her absolute courage to divorce. Showed women everywhere that it is not worth it to not be free and that you can hold your head up leaving a man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 07:57 PM
29

While I agree that you should enjoy new relationships, just want to give a little advice - I’ve seen psychologists say that a huge red flag is someone without proper boundaries and privacy. A healthy person does not make a new best friend or serious lover in two weeks. They do not tell their big secrets or major traumas to that person instantly. Because someone with a normal sense of self-worth, emotional regulation, etc. realizes that trust is built up over time. This is where the honeymoon sta…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 05:37 PM
18

Don’t worry too much. Respond to messages as they fit into your life. If you GENUINELY think of him while doing an activity/coming across something share it, but otherwise don’t worry too much about it. If he doesn’t ask you out relatively soon don’t keep up a texting relationship forever. It should be moving towards a date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 05:19 PM
74

I met mine at a talk he was giving for a community event. I thought he was very attractive and intelligent in the talk, and I was in a phase where I was trying to be more confident in approaching people (not for relationships but for networking and friendship really). I went up afterwards and introduced myself. He friended me on Facebook when I got home. We ran into each other two more times at different events (not colleagues but have overlapping work circles if that makes sense). After the thi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 12:42 PM
20

This is so sad for her. I have had pickme ways in the past and accepted less than what I deserved and I DEFINITELY have struggled with partners who made way more money than me yet were oblivious about the income disparity and how it makes you feel like you have to do so much to keep up. While here at FDS we definitely encourage women to find men that are financially secure and competent, I think it’s always something to consider if the man makes multiples of you because it’s rife for abuse like …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 11:16 AM
193

Goodness, yes. I was going off on the status of men at one point and a female friend who is overtly having issues with letting LVM in kept looking over at my boyfriend and eventually said, “I love how you can say this in front of John.” Uh. I wouldn’t be with him if he disagreed with me? I literally don’t want a man that doesn’t live up to my standards? Her shock made me realize how many women have drunk the patriarchal Kool-Aid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/21 11:38 AM
9

This is a great post. I’ve seen numerous posts on here from women who had partners or male family members make a birthday special even in very lean times of financial struggle - there’s so much you can do to celebrate a person. One of the most annoying perceptions about FDS is that we only care about rich men on the surface. Nah, we care about effort, and taking care of the woman in your life on special days shows it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 03:23 PM
49

Exactly. If he wanted to, he would.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 04:43 AM
45

I went through this too. I am glad she is talking about it. It honestly makes me feel better that this could happen to a super, super successful woman like her too. I felt like such an idiot, like all my schooling and stuff had failed me that I didn’t see through the cracks. Women who are seeing this, be EXTREMELY careful of the warning signs Iliza is pointing out. If the man you are dating shares things that sound more impressive than could be true, particularly if you haven’t known him that lo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 01:46 AM
19

The umbrella incident is horrific when you see it in the documentary. She was having a really hard day where she was specifically denied access to her kids - and paparazzi KNEW THIS because they had followed her to the children’s father’s house. After he wouldn’t let her in the gate (btw of course she’s the one financing her ex-husband’s lifestyle too), she pulled over with her cousin and was crying. It was at that moment a photographer approached her window and asked, “Britney, how is your nigh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 01:23 PM
33

Reproductive control is at the heart of this issue. Britney’s original “breakdown” was that after suffering from insane public harassment via “journalists” and the public as well as Justin Timberlake, etc, she had two kids within two years and had her babies ripped out of her arms as she was called the crazy one. I have never had a child myself but as a woman, I do feel I can empathize and I can’t imagine how vulnerable she must have felt. She was under absurd scrutiny and didn’t know who she co…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 01:09 PM
8

I love men who cook! I can’t believe what my life was like before FDS. I am in no way a gourmet cook but have managed simple meals for myself like an ADULT does - make eggs or pasta, bake chicken, etc. I dated a man who used to say he had NEVER cooked a meal for himself in his life - never anything beyond assembling himself a sandwich. I was with another man who had only one pot and one pan in the house he had OWNED for YEARS and also did not cook dinners pretty much at all. Why did I find this …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 04:21 PM
19

Also a great FDS country album: Gaslighter by The Chicks. Natalie fought in court to be able to write songs about her LVM ex. It’s scathing and I love it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 04:09 PM
2

Exactly. People ask me how I met my bf and it was because I moved and didn’t know anyone so I threw myself into community activities. I started attending round tables, volunteering at events, etc. The upside of this is that I was there to do a task but also managed to meet people - friends and connections to network with. I happened to keep running into the person I’m now dating, and the good thing about that is that by the time he even asked me out, I knew quite a bit about him through the repu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 03:56 PM
2

Exactly. People ask me how I met my bf and it was because I moved and didn’t know anyone so I threw myself into community activities. I started attending round tables, volunteering at events, etc. The upside of this is that I was there to do a task but also managed to meet people - friends and connections to network with. I happened to keep running into the person I’m now dating, and the good thing about that is that by the time he even asked me out, I knew quite a bit about him through the repu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 03:56 PM
7

Exactly. People ask me how I met my bf and it was because I moved and didn’t know anyone so I threw myself into community activities. I started attending round tables, volunteering at events, etc. The upside of this is that I was there to do a task but also managed to meet people - friends and connections to network with. I happened to keep running into the person I’m now dating, and the good thing about that is that by the time he even asked me out, I knew quite a bit about him through the repu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 03:56 PM
111

The phrase I like to use is “men, as a class.” Much like we can talk about other oppressive classes like rich people, white people, etc. clearly. No, not all men are bad people, of course. But men as a class oppress women, and you can be the personally best man in the world and you still will benefit from that oppression. Therefore, if you truly are a good man, you have an obligation to use that privilege to try to even the gender playing field. There’s a lot of really good work on language and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 04:40 AM
38

Absolutely. On the maybe one night I exploded (nothing violent just began to yell), my ex suddenly stood there, quiet, with a smirk on his face. Now I was the crazy one. A website that helped me called that concept “catching fleas.” If you are in a toxic environment long enough you will start to act like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 05:55 PM
32

Yes. This. One of the most impressive things I’ve judged about my current bf so far is how he will directly (calmly) confront men who are displaying gross or harassing behavior to women. We literally were just talking about one instance last night, where he had to pull the scrote aside and say, “You need to stop.” Men who joke about women crassly or just lie down and accept it when others do are unacceptable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 05:43 PM
7

Amazing words.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 03:58 AM
11

Yes. Facts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 03:58 AM
21

I would listen to the recent FDS podcast episode with Dr. Gail Dines. She talks about raising her son and it’s SO reassuring that if you continue to talk about your values without shame, they will start to internalize them. There’s lots of good tips - like, don’t ban them from going to a movie with misogynist content with their friends, but do discuss it afterwards so the kid can process.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 04:23 PM
48

Weirdly enough my toxic, abusive, age gap ex was pro me getting an advanced education and working in my field. He then used that to denigrate my hobby/side job to exert control. “I thought once you got a REAL JOB, you’d quit this.” Etc. So I can see how this would happen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 04:12 PM
22

THIS IS THE WAY 💅 YES LADIES!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 11:36 AM
14

It’s not just that a chapter of your life is over. A new one is about to begin, and you have the strength to start it - it started with that voice inside you to check the phone. Please listen to your mom and best friend. I’m SO glad you have support coming. Please listen to your intuition about safety, as other posters have said. There’s NO shame about being the one to leave the house. Put your mental and physical well-being first and surround yourself with your support. Your mom and best friend…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 11:01 AM
44

It doesn’t necessarily help. We need empathetic females who are distanced from law enforcement priorities immediately responding to DV. When I decided to file charges, I ran to a police station in the middle of the night. I had to wait for a long time outside - 30ish minutes - before they would even let me in and take my report. At that point, the male officer brings a female officer over - I suppose for greater understanding. After I told her what happened, she looked at me squarely and said, “…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 02:06 PM
2

I would consider moving out of London. I was living in a high cost of living major city in the US working in a niche field. My salary was very average. Getting ahead in life financially seemed futile in an area where all single family homes were $1 million. Got a job offer in a medium sized city and moved there. The job paid $4k less per year, yet the cost of living was slashed. I could rent or buy a house for half the cost of the 1 bedroom apartment I was renting. I ended up buying a 2000 sq fo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 03:23 PM
17

One of the best aspects of this book - JUST FOLLOW YOUR INTUITION. Women have been taught to swallow our guts in the name of “niceness” and this gets us in DANGER.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 02:46 AM
68

Yes, I agree. Not pro-OLD or OkCupid, but the founder of that company is obsessed with the new world Big Data provides in the Internet age and even wrote a book about it, Dataclysm, which I’ve read. His analysis on the OkCupid blogs is not meant to be positive, but rather show how society is. His subtitle of the book is “who we are when we think nobody is watching.” Not only does it expose the disgusting habits of men in terms of pursuing young women, messaging every woman the same thing over an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 01:41 PM
139

Women were always on a formally uneven playing field. In the past 50 years of all of human history, we’ve finally decided to give girls somewhat of an equal shot against boys in school. BOOM. Even with societal expectations girls are still CRUSHING boys in school. Now what educational researchers are saying is that school as a concept is better designed for girls - e.g. they tend to have an easier time with discipline, fine motor skills, stuff like that. But I call bullshit. The structures of sc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/21 07:17 PM
16

Just want to chime in here that comics like these make it really hard for people like me. I got divorced shortly after I got married due to physical abuse, emotional abuse, and threats that were violent towards even others like my family. One of the things that held me back from leaving sooner was the idea that giving up on marriage made me a failure inherently and how much people make fun of quick divorces. That’s kind of what this comment is saying - people take divorce lightly - and it is mos…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/21 05:56 PM
2

It’s so frustrating when people tell you to “just leave” when you are in it. Friends and family want to help, but they have no idea how dangerous leaving is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 12:03 PM
4

Not just a therapist, but anyone who cares about you. Before I married my NVM abusive ex, a friend from school was with me at a bar and saw him start into an angry incident and leave. I tried to laugh it off that he’s drunk, so desperate to appear normal. She looked at me very seriously and said, “You know, you don’t have to do this.” It made me squirm. I wish I had listened. If anyone you like or respect tells you this about your partner, leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 12:02 PM
4

I got into a relationship with an older man in my early 20s and did not realize he was an alcoholic and abuser. If I had known how problematic his drinking was, I might have steered clear, but since I was quite young and “partying” was normal for someone MY age, I didn’t realize how not normal it was for a man in his mid-30s. So ladies, here’s a clue when you are relatively early in a relationship with a man. This is straight out of AA, and I think it works very well to be a simple rule. If he c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 11:57 AM
3

Agreed. But alcoholism is a predictor for violence. Do not stay with an addict or have sympathy for their negative actions. They will not change until they want to change for themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 11:51 AM
1

Yes, I very much agree with this. I developed marked emotional overeating as a coping mechanism when I was in an abusive relationship. Some of the only moments I had to myself were eating McDonald’s on my way to work - nobody was there to harm me or lecture me, my car was a safe bubble. It’s amazing just how quickly that disappeared when I got out and had a more grounded sense of a safe home. I still maintain that this is ok and the best I could have done at the time. I didn’t pick up a drug hab…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 11:39 AM
22

And truly voluntary prostituted women are EXTREMELY rare.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 12:22 PM
66

Internalized misogyny creates a complex where women feel that there is only so much of the pie available to them, therefore if it goes to her it won’t go to me. If you believe women can only ever get 20% of the power, you fight other women to elevate yourself. when you realize the real goal is women’s liberation, not individual empowerment, it opens many doors. These women are stuck hardcore in a Handmaids Tale mindset.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 12:20 PM
36

It’s insane because the media-happy few are covering up for the vast, vast majority of women and children being trafficked worldwide and even in the West. Johns NEED to remember that the odds are overwhelmingly likely that any prostituted woman they visit, in any country, has been kidnapped. That’s besides the point that many current women being prostituted on Twitter are coping with cognitive dissonance - most will leave or be forced out within a few years and have to deal with their trauma the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 12:15 PM
5

Yeah I have a hard time breaking out of this conditioning, reading this was tough.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/21 12:13 AM
53

To me, even in FRIEND relationships sometimes and definitely in dating, even before FDS I think the inability to treat someone shows a lot about a person’s character. My boyfriend and I were literally always one check. Whether we were out with friends, on solo dates, and even when I occasionally treat him (he’s always ready with the card though). We’re TOGETHER. It just makes sense. We have had 0 conversations about this, it has always been “we will take that together.” That’s what partnership i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 02:03 PM
16

Precisely. I often return to the Gloria Steinem quote: “We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters.” Just like white supremacy culture kills, including killing white people (thanks Ibram X. Kendi for that quote), toxic masculinity kills, including killing men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 11:15 PM
38

Also, because women are the ones that most often experience severe injuries from DV and MUST escape. I’m definitely not saying male victims of women are not out there, and my hearts do go out to them. But it is a statistically rare situation, especially when you are talking about family violence that leads to serious injury. Other important fact is that most victim services will absolutely help and treat men. The local one I donate to has a shelter that is female only but they WILL shelter men -…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 07:04 PM
50

There is a reason why most parents will not hire a male babysitter. It’s “sexist” but it’s a stone-cold fact that your child is much more likely to be preyed upon by a man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 07:01 PM
25

I feel like people equate “don’t date broke men” with “chase rich men.” No, that’s not what we’re doing. A man who can pay his bills and acts like an adult financially, slowly bettering his situation and living within his means, is what we want. We aren’t looking for wealthy scrotes, just men who are responsible. I had a much wealthier NVM who was super problematic with wasting big money on risky things like gambling - it would not have been sustainable. I now am with a seeming HVM who did not c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 06:55 PM
6

YAASSS that one hit hard
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/21 06:53 PM
24

It happened to me too. My abuser created this whole narrative about how the girlfriend before me was really the abuser. Even to the point of faking a protection order. I didn’t realize it was fake until I had to get my own protection order and could spot the differences. Lundy Bancroft is convinced that most men who claim abuse are doing it to hide and save face. He’s a genius, I will never tire of hearing quotes from this book.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/21 11:49 AM
345

I am loving that this generation of teens has Billie to look up to! Hopefully more advice like this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 11:36 AM
18

I’m so proud of you and excited! One small thing, forgive yourself if you feel the need to overlock or check things. I did for awhile after leaving my DV relationship - I would lock my bedroom door as well as my front door and stuff like that. It will be normal to be hypervigilant and just talk yourself through it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 11:33 AM
16

There are ring doorbells specifically made for apartments instead of houses - I think they work with the spyhole.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 11:31 AM
106

Yes!!! All maintenance guys, whatever, I always say “we live here.” You don’t really have to specify who the we is, just use plural every time you talk to someone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 11:29 AM
13

The man who wrote The Gift of Fear made a tool called the MOSAIC assessment - which I highly recommend sharing to any woman in your life if you are trying to help them out of an abusive relationship. One of the questions to predict abuse is whether they fashion their personality around military or law enforcement culture.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 11:27 AM
13

A feminist choice is one that reduces women’s subjugation as a class. So it’s impossible to truly be a serious feminist and support prostitution because even if you did accept that there are individual women who freely choose it (which I don’t, you find out that prostituted women even in the most glamorized situations are hiding trauma and worse), it doesn’t matter because prostitution increases women’s subjugation as a class. If you argued that it didn’t, you have your head in the sand on the f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 11:02 AM
4

I loved this!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 12:49 AM
26

The best part about this episode to me was the very clear criticism of current media and social media culture that allows extremely dangerous messages to spread. Of course we are seeing how anti-data, anti-science messages like anti-vaxx movements spread. The kink and sex work discussions are NO different. As you awesome queens mentioned, the vast majority of porn and sex work is formed from LITERAL KIDNAPPING. It’s not a cutesy online magazine writer who’s eXpLoRiNg. It is almost always exploit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 04:02 AM
20

I agree with all of this and it’s true to my experience as well. I did not realize how much of it was non-consensual a few years ago. I wish everyone would watch Hot Girls Wanted as a good primer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 12:16 AM
3

Agreed about pressing charges. I still hope it works one day but I had a pretty bad experience with my abuser from the minute I went to the police station.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 05:32 PM
17

I believe that the biggest problem we have is teaching young kids, especially girls, that love overcomes obstacles and that love is this strange undefinable “butterfly” feeling. A lot of kids movies define love like this, love at first sight, all of that. While that quality is being attracted to someone, love should really be more defined as when that attraction grows with MUTUAL interests. I was very attracted to my current partner right away upon first meeting. However, we way later learned th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 04:22 PM
57

Yeah. I love the idea of empowering our single queens to avoid men pretty much at all costs, but it was kinda this type of language that kept me with my abuser longer than was necessary. I was so terrified of being labeled an obvious failure. In reality you need to stick with a guy only as long as he adds value to your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 10:12 AM
3

Yes! Professional pet care is great. I didn’t put this in the post because it would be too long, but I’ve looked after his friend’s dog several times so I trust her in that particular regard. It was just great that he made sure she was free in advance, because she’s the best person to do it since she and I have talked pet care before.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 11:42 PM
10

Oh, 100% get it since my abuser was a narcissist. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for slightly over a year so this doesn’t seem rushed or part of a cycle. I’m really focused on emotional stability now - but ALWAYS vetting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 10:26 PM
5

Oh I totally agree, and you are entitled to more and deserve it. And your rants are totally valuable- you deserved more in your relationship too 💪
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 09:59 PM
86

I wrote this in another comment, but I met him at a talk he was giving for a community event. I thought he was really thoughtful and introduced myself afterwards. My philosophy is that the best way to get out and meet quality people as an adult to be volunteering and/or working with community groups that meet your interests. The good part about this is that you’re not in a dating-focused mindset - you’re there to play soccer, do community theatre, or help keep the food bank going. Also unlike a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 07:10 PM
14

It’s SO frustrating to think of your past mistakes with NVM and LVM. But I hope you forgive yourself and are looking forward to your future. I’m sure you’re a rad mom and have a lot of great goals!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 07:06 PM
5

Great point about productivity on your own!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 07:05 PM
40

Yes!! Great post. A good man will try to get into YOUR activities even if it doesn’t interest him. Mine is a sports guy so the art thing he booked is clearly not for him. But it’s not his birthday 🤷‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 07:04 PM
14

I absolutely adore your story about your boyfriend because it really shows that being HV is not about your current wealth but about your motivations and what you’re bringing to the table. Clearly your boyfriend wanted to make it a special day for you so he did RESEARCH and spent TIME to make it happen. Amazing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 07:03 PM
5

Thank you!! I agree about OLD. I met him at a talk he was giving for a community event. I thought he was really thoughtful and introduced myself afterwards. We then ran into each other twice more before he started messaging me on FB. I personally find the best way to get out and meet quality people as an adult to be volunteering and/or working with community groups that meet your interests. The good part about this is that you’re not in a dating focused mindset - you’re there to play soccer, do …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 07:00 PM
7

Ask as an early date question (just like you ask about siblings, work, values etc), “What’s a fun Valentine’s Day for you?” Or something of that nature. If he says, “GoInG fOr A wALk” or something like that, move on. That way you don’t have to waste months until a next holiday.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 06:54 PM
4

So sweet. Happy Easter!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 06:49 PM
3

Beautiful post!!! Thank you for these resources.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 06:45 PM
140

Exactly!!! I think the goal is not to find a partner. FDS has taught me to make long term goals and plans for MYSELF regardless of whether a man is in them - including for children - and to not accept less than what I deserve if I choose to spend my time with someone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 02:40 PM
36

Even if he had just been cheating, there’s a HUGE gap between that and literally killing your spouse and children. If he had wanted to really “disappear” with his mistress, men regularly abandon women with their children all the time. He could give full custody and just not care. He chose a disgustingly violent path when he had many other options to stroke his gross needs that would have left them with a chance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/21 12:42 PM
5

My bf of course makes us both coffee, but he doesn’t drink cream in it even though I do. I’ll drink it black though and I’d never say anything- first of all because I really don’t mind black coffee, and secondly because I was raised to always accept food and drink given in someone else’s home. What I saw as a green flag was that after he saw me putting cream in at my own house a couple times, without a word exchanged, he bought it and started serving me coffee with cream at his house. Just autom…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 10:53 AM
51

YES and this is HELPFUL for all friends or family of yours in abusive relationships. Do I wish I had listened to the first person who questioned my relationship? YES. But I was in too deep and trauma bonded. Did the comments help me push toward leaving? Yes when framed with positive or helpful thinking instead of shame.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 05:05 AM
12

A friend of mine in her early 30s recently had a married woman bag on her for being too picky! I told her absolutely not, and I wished I had had the standards she did and didn’t go through my divorce, and she has way more going for her than a guy - it only reflected that woman’s insecurities about HER OWN relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 06:58 PM
33

The ugly and fat comments are hilarious because I do not find myself particularly attractive to society’s standards and let me tell you. I have literally never had a problem attracting the attention of men. Men who are “my type” and ones that are not. Men of high and low value. Men who are objectively more attractive than me. I mean, it’s astonishing how getting on a dating app I feel like I’ve picked far less than 10% of men as a match and I can see (lots of premium versions basically let you s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 06:54 PM
10

Yes. It’s an important fact (based on real data) that a male is unfortunately far more likely to be raped by another male than for a female to be a rapist. I hope for a future where all people are free from fear of sexual assault but ignoring these very clear facts about violence will not do it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 11:13 AM
27

A study done by the NY Department of Corrections found that over 60% of women locked up for homicides had been abused by their victims. I think reframing violence committed by women is helpful to examine the causes. Of course there are occasional female cold-blooded killers but even in the case of Andrea Yates, whom many people would not consider a traditional abuse victim, her husband coerced her into the conditions that led to violence (i.e. repeated unwanted pregnancies).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 02:11 AM
30

Yes! That is what many DV experts have said, from what I’ve read. Only external consequences that bring extreme shame to the men will change them. Therapy will not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/21 01:43 AM
209

This is basically why Gloria Steinem was quoted as saying feminism won’t have achieved its goals when our daughters are raised more like our sons, but when our sons are raised more like our daughters. Men need to start modeling pro-social behavior and non-violence, like women have been expected to do for millennia.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 06:14 PM
9

Yes!!! The perception of fairness is a HUGE red flag and tends to be displayed by men. Because they are culturally socialized into believing in their worth, they whine for 50/50 or to get as much out of women. Because women are socialized to “nurture” they tend to be more generous to try to grow the relationship. Find a man who is generous and who isn’t constantly bean counting and obsessed with cheapness - no matter his personal budget. HVM are not always rich, like the media claims we think. B…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 04:36 PM
331

It’s such a manipulative question because it could be easily phrased as, “Male rape victims, what is your story?” Because the statistical fact is most men are raped by other men. By ONLY asking for stories of men raped by women you actually isolate the vast majority of male survivors while contributing to the hatred of women on Reddit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 04:19 PM
122

Something that our sad lurkers seem to not understand - this is a subreddit that embraces radical feminism and you aren’t going to change our minds. We don’t want men that are threatened by this. If this is you, just assume we aren’t interested and move on
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 02:15 PM
50

We also know that the VAST majority of “sex workers” are not privileged women eXpLoRiNg their sexuality, they are mostly kidnapped and under the age of majority in their country. At minimum, even in Western countries and without trafficking involved, they are exploited or drugged. Most women in porn fall under this category, as Hot Girls Wanted accurately portrays. There are almost no women doing this in a truly voluntary nature.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 07:45 AM
114

The fact that he was able to cut himself off before directly threatening her shows what an abusive man he is. This is classic Lundy Bancroft. Abusive men aren’t “out of control” they know exactly how to turn on control when they need to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 03:05 AM
2

So glad you will continue to be a support as she transitions. Really an inspiration - I’m trying to work on shining on more women and this is a brilliant example.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 08:41 AM
6

GAH YES. Buckle up. I’ve commented this a number of times in other subs but this is the same argument as, “WhY cAn’T yOu Be RaCiSt AgAiNsT wHiTe PeOpLe?!” Here’s why, scrotes. It’s called power dynamics. I’m a white woman, so in terms of my ethnicity, I’m historically privileged. Sure, can an individual person call me an ethnic slur, just as I could call a minority a racial slur? Yes. Is that “racist”? I mean, it is if you are STUPIDLY obsessed with the letter of the law. But it’s about the impa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 01:44 AM
60

Absolutely! I saw first hand from my NVM marriage and clawing my way out from divorce that you should NEVER rely on men and their property or income. To put it in perspective about income levels: My NVM ex came from a wealthy family and made over six figures. He would routinely lose $30k plus gambling and lost over $100k in savings on stupid stock trades when we were married. He was on the fast track to losing it constantly and begging mommy and daddy for money. My current bf, on the other hand,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 12:49 AM
6

Yes, real journalists really do embed themselves in with their subjects and form relationships. Even with “revolutionary” or controversial figures. It’s the only way to get the real story. You would never see a mainstream pub like the NYT approaching FDS this way without a number of talks with their subject. The forced vasectomy thing was the worst part of this article in terms of outright lies. That news story was reported all over the internet and celebrated in even very liberal feminist circl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 03:06 PM
358

I think the TV guest was showing HVM behavior but I also want to give a major shoutout to Meghan herself. I know, I know, she’s a rich celebrity and was even before this. But there are so many young women who watch this stuff. Meghan is showing all girls to hold your head up even against a major force like the crown and live the life YOU want - love seeing pics of her happy out walking her dogs in Canada or relaxing in LA. She is prioritizing her well-being above all, which is SO important. Don’…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 01:30 PM
15

Totally inspiring. I also used my breakup with a NVM to level up and truly start a new life. I hope M is as happy as I am and pursues her passions and dreams in Chicago to her fullest. We have so much more to offer than men often give us credit for.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/21 07:05 PM
64

This is the way. Rather than seeing singledom as the last resort, see marriage that way. Only marry if it is as good of a situation as possible for your life, not as the expected norm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/21 03:55 AM
2

I love this!! Continue treating yourself like the queen you are!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/21 03:47 AM
36

It will always get worse. They are trying to test your limits and get you used to this behavior so you are placid. See how calm she is? That’s pretty much what triggered me the most in the video. I recognized myself trying to tell him calmly to behave himself. They test the limit and once she lets him go further without leaving, he will test it again. And again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 10:32 PM
7

I agree that overall the tone of sex work is not good for prostitution. However, what is an empowering word that we can call women who, again nearly all of them all over the world, are put into this situation through rape and abuse or coercion and extreme poverty? I believe dignifying their worth as human beings who have suffered while shaming the men who are literally pretty much all of the clientele (even when the victim is male) is important. Perhaps “women who have been prostituted” is a goo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 01:18 AM
141

There’s a documentary on sex work and an amazing nonprofit in New York that rescues victims calls GEMS, I think the documentary is called Very Young Girls. To date they have my favorite statistic to tell edge lords that like to “argue” about sex work AKA human trafficking. The average age of a prostitute in NYC is in the teens. You tell me that these children “love” it. No, they are nearly all kidnapping victims. The ones who are not minors likely started in “the life” when they were, and were k…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/21 01:21 PM
93

Have you looked into the details of her case? I would argue that our regulatory system around the stock market is seriously skewed against individual investors to benefit the financial industry and corporations, and Martha’s case is a great example of this. Yes, I know she’s a rich person, but it doesn’t change the facts about how SEC rules are rigged against an average person. Martha did not know that the stock she dropped was going to have a product denied approval by the FDA. She had a financ…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 12:36 PM
39

Ciara is proof that it is NEVER too late to leave a scrote, level up, and value yourself. Yes, even when you have mistakenly had an LVM’s child. One interesting fact about her relationship with Russell Wilson is they are CO-OWNERS of the Seattle soccer team. A man who is not threatened by you will not hesitate to put your name on the papers!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 01:47 PM
34

Also EWW to the comment “calling her out.” We have got to stop normalizing sex work this way. Imagine if this was used as an insult: “LOL oh yeah? Girls like you pay for your meals? I bet you like getting kidnapped and raped too!” Because that is the situation of the vast, vast majority of sex workers worldwide.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 01:41 PM
64

So adorable and I bet your daughter felt super loved 🥰
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 05:47 AM
56

Showing care for your family is really wonderful and shows his love for you. Hope you are getting to a better place and glad you had a great day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 05:44 AM
17

Yes girl! You deserve that! You don’t NEED a man clearly but it’s awesome that one is adding value to your already full life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 05:43 AM
44

EXACTLY. Flowers are not even necessarily expensive, they just take EFFORT and THOUGHT whereas an IOU for a future date is just an easy out to make yourself feel better for giving nothing. She will find someone better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 05:38 AM
150

😍😍ALRIGHT LADIES SAPPY LOVE POST😍😍 I was pleasantly surprised. I am so skeptical from my past relationships with LVM and downright abusive NVM to know I’m deserving of this, and usually have low expectations. So I was prepping myself mentally for disappointment. Normally he’s very big on getting up and getting going to start the day, while I like a slower morning routine. So it was awesome that for Valentine’s he lolled around in PJs with me all morning. We made a second pot of coffee. We ate bi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 05:34 AM
17

I am really proud of myself this year for making a bomb plan with a friend regardless of what my bf does. We are going to an amazing place for brunch (I know this sounds small but you have to get how great this brunch is) and doing bottomless champagne before a movie for Gal-entine’s day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 12:39 PM
14

I hate when men bring up male rape because it’s only meant to be a slam dunk on women, NOT a form of support for male victims of sexual violence - the majority of whom were violated by men, as you said. Misogynists use the trauma of male victims to be exploitative.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 12:28 PM
11

I agree that older men that haven’t been married is a red flag. My dad said this at one point - “If he wanted marriage and a family, why wouldn’t he have at least tried at this point?” It isn’t the same for women since traditionally men ask women to marry. But I’m somewhat skeptical of men in their late 30s and after who aren’t divorced.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 06:04 PM
6

This is a great answer! I am divorced myself and my BF is as well, but he’s also very pro-therapy, has gone himself after past relationships, and is willing to admit his shortcomings in previous relationships and not putting all the problems on his partners. As a woman who has unfortunately allowed many LVM/NVM men in my life before, I’m empathetic to the fact that both men and women grow and change in relationships and make bad choices in their partners. But a lot of it is how you have processe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 06:00 PM
11

I agree with this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 05:55 PM
13

Yes, I realized how freeing it was when I made my five year plan and a man doesn’t need to be in it. When I reach the level of financial security I would like to have and reach a given age, I plan to foster (and eventually adopt if the situation is ideal for a child I foster). It was like a lightbulb went off in my head. I have the space in my home, in a couple years I should certainly have the money and be debt-free, and I am passionate about child poverty. It was this revelation that I don’t n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 05:38 PM
8

Absolutely! No shade on Hillary there, she faced extremely difficult choices in her time. I am just pointing out how much things have changed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 06:18 PM
30

VICE PRESIDENT HARRIS IS FDS GOALS!!! I don’t care what you think of her policies for a moment, but consider this. In many ways, she and Dr. Biden represent generational change from Hillary Clinton, who felt she had to subvert her own ambition for a LVM. We should all see VP Harris as a beacon of hope. Here is a woman that put HER GOALS and HER LIFE first and didn’t tone herself down to meet any “timelines” society expected of her. Her career has been clear and relentless. And yet, by keeping he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 12:52 PM
6

Thank you for proving this point!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 03:06 AM
72

This comment is an amazing truth bomb!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 06:33 PM
47

This is a huge truth bomb. My divorce cost me about ~$8-10k in debt escaping from my NVM abuser but that was nothing compared to money spent throughout the relationship and opportunities sacrificed. Every bus ticket I bought seeing him for a weekend, I could have been bettering myself. Even should I ever marry again, I would tell women the following rules that I would also follow: ⭕️Have a separate bank account that is YOURS ONLY with minimum $5k in it. If you don’t have this kind of money now b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 06:21 PM
14

Yeah, that’s my take on it 100%. It was more realistic this way. I think that it would spur people more towards serious contemplation and action than if it had a perfect end.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 02:10 PM
30

An advocate for victims once told me to automatically sort any emails from him into a folder filed “crazy” so I wouldn’t be tempted to look but they could be preserved. Texts can be muted as seen below. I agree with the author’s premise on protective orders. It’s unfortunately something that each individual woman must decide for herself trying to assess the situation. In my situation, at BEST if my ex had been both convicted of the DV offense and I had the protective order, he would have gotten …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 12:22 PM
42

I read an incredible article a long time back that talks about how one way that performing femininity disadvantages women is because they end up having less time for creative thinking. When you’re expected to spend an hour a day on hair, makeup, hygiene, etc. - that’s an hour you don’t have to brainstorm and write and imagine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 10:21 PM
109

What’s funny is in the post, it mentions his deluge of messages say she’s making him look bad. So honestly I bet the NVM boyfriend didn’t tell his friends with the fireworks at all about OP’s PTSD. Then later when she leaves, I’m sure they asked why and when he explained the situation, I’m sure they were horrified. Now he must find a way to blame her for his shame.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 02:55 PM
2

So awful. I totally understand given my past experiences before this guy. So many men put in NO effort. I hope you have a happy new year tonight knowing you’re putting YOURSELF first and getting your goals together. You got this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 03:12 AM
20

Part of your experience that is important is not just his refusal to pay, but also the grossness of the experience and lameness of the date. It is FACTS that just as they tell young girls that they are “more mature” than boys of the same age that MANY men have LVM habits and hobbies. We are talking about the usual gamer-neckbeard nonsense. Remember, ladies, we want men to wine and dine us and take us places!!! We want EFFORT. Men who are HVM have varied hobbies and good taste. You will feel the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 06:41 PM
10

Treat yourself sis!!! That ring looks AMAZING with the delicate florals.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 05:43 PM
45

Yes!! Lundy Bancroft warns in Why Does He Do That that this is literally a warning flag a man will be abusive. My NVM ex used to swear up and down his last girlfriend was not only crazy but borderline a stalker and criminal. In reality, he was actively cheating with her and none of her messages I found to him indicated any emotional instability like what he described. Huge red flag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 01:36 PM
3

Couldn’t upvote this more. It’s not about money. Many men do not put any thought behind special days and gifts, I have seen this first hand. I had a boyfriend in college who, for an anniversary or birthday or something, made me a bracelet. Lest you think this man is an artisan or metalworker, he was not and made it out of beads and this weird rubber band that hurt to even put on. It was like a 5 year old child’s craft project. It was just one of those things where you don’t even know what to say…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 01:30 PM
12

Congrats on upgrading your life 💅 More to come sis!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 01:08 AM
32

Yep. If they want to, they will. Congrats on feeling appreciated ❤️ And I love how incel NVM on Reddit act like we are all gold diggers for money. A gift doesn’t have to be expensive to be thoughtful. Two of the gifts I got from my boyfriend, one was a stuffed animal that referenced an inside joke we made often while we were first flirting. It called me right back to when I first had butterflies for him. Another was a book of love poetry from a poet I had a personal connection with. He marked up…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 01:00 AM
13

This is so true. I do have a bf right now but still feeling like I’m recovering from a previous abusive relationship. Tonight I spent the night at my place alone and I looked around my house and thought “This is all mine, wow” and had a great night watching stupid hallmark movies and eating a nice home cooked dinner. I’m worth it and having a fabulous Christmas season!! Love starts by loving yourself and learning to love what surrounds you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 03:51 AM
5

Yessss
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 04:41 AM
51

One thing I love about my boss is that he makes sure to sign all presents to us as being from him and his wife. I believe she does stay at home (I don’t actually know) but her contribution to their shared lives is very clear. I know so many men who ask their spouse to gather and wrap Xmas gifts and then just sign their own name for office and career related stuff.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 07:42 PM
3

This is the thesis of Hot Girls Wanted, which is an incredibly good documentary. These women’s bodies are used and discarded quickly, and they get very little reward for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 02:29 AM
31

Also, absolutely none of our strategy is predicated on emotional abuse or manipulation of men like PUA, red pill, etc. In fact, FDS very much ENCOURAGES to simply break up, block and delete as soon as you decide a man is not for you. If anything, we specifically don’t play games with men’s feelings, we don’t lead them on. It drives men insane when FDSers say, “You have different standards than I do? Then I don’t think we are right together. Have a nice day.” It’s wild.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 01:34 PM
23

Yes. One of the most amazing revelations of Why Does He Do That is the author dispelling the notion that abusive men are “out of control.” Somehow they control themselves at work. They control themselves when it’s their belongings. They know EXACTLY when they turn it on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 02:05 AM
10

Hilarious and weird story!! Men are nuts. I know so many men who really justify NEVER cooking anything for themselves. Now I’m not an amazing cook, but I make basic meals for myself at home. Pasta. Eggs. Simple oven salmon with asparagus and potatoes. I’ve seen men who are SHOCKED at the idea of using pots and pans and INSIST they will not cook anything that’s not microwave ready.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 04:32 PM
4

Hell yes! What I love about this QUEEN ENERGY in this thread is the realization that it’s never too late to take your life back. Better to be a single mom than stay with a man that doesn’t build you up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 04:25 PM
158

This is a form of violence called SYMBOLIC VIOLENCE and it is common in establishing the abuse cycle. Why? The objects they hurt are symbols. They represent your relationship in some way. The message is, “I can hurt and destroy things, and I want you to know I have that ability.” One thing my abusive ex would ALWAYS do when he was in an episode was to try to get rid of all reminders of me, photos of us together in the house, etc. I remember vividly him grabbing a fridge magnet of our save the da…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 04:18 PM
45

YES. Regular relationship conflict is like, “I want to watch this on TV and he wants that,” or “We just got an inheritance and are fighting on how to spend it.” YOUR BASIC DIGNITY IS NON NEGOTIABLE.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 05:41 PM
74

Love this and want to add, I feel plenty of empathy for male victims of both sex work and all sexual violence. But it’s not a coincidence that even for male victims, their perpetrators are statistically FAR MORE likely to be men. Johns are so named because it is nearly all men who are buying sex. Rapists are also nearly all men. People always talk about the gender of the victims (i.e. male victims don’t get enough attention or sexual violence is a “woman’s issue” etc) and never about the men dri…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 12:43 AM
19

The real reason why is that Reddit started out as a bro-fest of programmers and developed around that culture. Women oriented subs that eventually developed like TwoX and feminism got easily taken over by men. Lots of evidence for this. So women on these subs are being manipulated by men. Rad-fem views have basically been banned from Reddit in the recent ban wave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 12:51 PM
22

Yes! I want to tell all the young women not to settle. You want to be with somebody not just some body.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 12:42 PM
6

I love this! Good job hubbys! I especially love how they went to extra effort because you were upset. My thanksgiving brag is that I have been home sick with COVID and obviously quarantining. My boyfriend (he got tested after I did and does not have it) put together a plate with everything on it from our Thanksgiving with friends and dropped it off at my door with a holiday cocktail to match. He then FaceTimed me into the dinner so I wouldn’t feel left out. Of my quarantine days, he also brought…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 12:41 PM
32

Man, this reminds me of myself. It’s crazy how deep in the rabbit hole you can get. I’m thrilled you are surviving and thriving because you value yourself! Thank goodness you are safe and your baby has a happy mama. My new rule is to NEVER ignore the advice of other women and other people who care about you - your warnings from your roommates, the exact same things happened to me from people in my life. I ignored them and thought they couldn’t possibly understand him. I was so wrong. Here’s to a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 11:43 PM
30

I think our internalized misogyny and some of the misguided concepts in second wave feminism cause us to see manliness and masculinity as somehow a superior way of being and that can guide our behavior even unintentionally. For example, the eye-rolling men do about women getting ready to go out. You know what? Besides patriarchal beauty standards, the underlying thing about that is that for a special occasion, the “feminine” nature wants to feel special. Decor, dressing with consideration, makeu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 01:54 PM
4

Oh, agreed. Unfortunately I can’t 100% because of our professional deal but I am done trying to be friendly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 03:38 PM
19

So much better to do this now and rip off the bandaid before you got married! You got this 💪
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 01:08 PM
15

Oh man, I have a story on this point. I’m currently in a weird professional passive-aggressive tiff with this woman who has admitted that she has, “a thing with women.” She has been with her boyfriend for 14 years. And she moved to this town for him, and repeatedly tells people so. But has been careful to point out, repeatedly, that they aren’t married. She relies on him to pay bills, and it seems she has only had a “real job” on and off throughout these 14 years. When she told me at one point h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 01:05 PM
17

All the men I’ve met through OLD and when I’ve been “looking” = trash. Not saying it doesn’t happen that HVM are on there but it seems so rare.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 12:54 PM
11

I am divorced but it pains me when people cite meaningless statistics. It’s really annoying. First of all, the divorce RATE does not capture how many FIRST MARRIAGES fail. People who divorce are more likely to divorce again for a ton of reasons. So a person with 5 divorces way skews the statistics, even though the likelihood is that they are just a person who is hard to live with/not cut out for marriage. Also, baby boomers skew divorce rates hard. They are the most divorcing generation and have…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 06:53 PM
11

That still has a lot of thought put into it. Kudos to your boy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 06:43 PM
9

I think it really depends on life circumstances. Before FDS I had fallen into this trap more than once, and my abusive husband met me when I was 23 and he was 36. Our life cycle differences were so much that I didn’t realize how much of an immature alcoholic he was - since I was 23, going out at partying seemed normal. Now that I’m older and removed from the relationship, I realize that it is NOT normal for people in their late 30s to be getting super drunk multiple evenings per week, but I coul…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 02:28 PM
4

Remember she is also a HVW with her personal life. I LOVE that Kamala kept her standards high and her focus on her career until she met Doug in her late 40s. Both Kamala and her husband publicly talk very well of his first wife, the mom of his kids. Keep your standards high and focus on your own goals and the right one will come along! She grew up in a family of all women - a tight knit group of her mom, her sister, and her niece. Her mom was not only a single mom but a scientist who earned her …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 02:54 AM
59

It is harder than we realize sometimes to break out of this. I can really say I’m “dating out of my league” with the current guy - he impresses me all the time - but what I really enjoy is that he asks me often about my goals, dreams, and challenges. After I rant about a co-worker, you can bet in a week he will ask “What’s Bob doing?” I was actually surprised when he started showing up without me asking/confirming. The best one was when it was 6:50 and I texted him incidentally saying I would be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 11:27 PM
43

Right? Like how dare they enjoy spending time together and have physical affection. The horror.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 05:22 PM
28

So many women live to please men. It is attention driven. It’s unfortunate. They can do better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 08:53 PM
4

Those two books will help a lot in terms of being able to suss out abusive men. Remember to listen to your gut and don’t worry about being polite, just RUN at the sign of a red flag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 04:20 PM
2

You have a very level head on your shoulders at this age! My advice is to keep your timeline intact and as others have said, keep your eyes open about you. Not saying at all your BF isn’t a HVM but people change DRAMATICALLY in their mid-20s and you both may realize your goals and lifestyle change as you get settled professionally. You may get a job offer halfway across the country that is truly a dream for you and he may say “No way!” He may realize he wants to drop out of his field and go expl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 04:14 PM
10

Thank you for explaining the cycle of abuse so well in this post!!! I wish they taught this to girls in health class, rather than showing domestic violence as all tough guys in leather jackets talking to their partners and then randomly hitting them one day. It’s subtle, it’s psychological, and the control is slow.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/20 04:01 PM
41

There’s a great episode of Kimmy Schmidt that addresses how corporate feminism has warped younger generations. A group of college girls getting ready for a party. They keep obsessing about being sexy and about hookups, but try to couch it in empowerment. Here’s a clip: https://youtu.be/be3zYDF0DbM
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 05:54 PM
10

I agree and wasn’t meaning for the analogy about drugs to start the conversation there about legalization. Large scale studies have definitely been done and legalization increases trafficking for sure. Here’s one with researchers from three different countries: http://eprints.lse.ac.uk/45198/1/Neumayer_Legalized_Prostitution_Increase_2012.pdf
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 11:52 PM
129

Absolutely. So many libfems and dumb libertarian men say “DoN’t PuNiSh WoMeN” as to why sex work should be decriminalized. No. The more effective policy would be to arrest and charge men appropriately (and shame them WAY more societally when they aren’t caught) rather than treating it like a slap on the wrist. We need to reduce demand. Just like we are starting to make headway on harm reduction with drugs by focusing on dealers rather than addicts, we need to do this with Johns. They are the one…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 08:06 PM
113

Good for you for staying skeptical! We are not here to build men! He can invest if he wants! On the other hand, your life seems to be checking boxes in every respect of thriving.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 05:47 PM
22

LOL so true, I have gotten PMs to this effect. They are like, “Acting like what FDS tells you is not attractive!!” I respond by saying great, I’m not interested in dating men like you, we are clearly looking for other things. They RAGE.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 05:44 PM
3

Oh yes, I know for sure!!! I was much younger than him (classic) and naively thought “tHiS iS hOw GuYz aRe” not realizing how many better men are out there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 09:31 PM
10

Oh mannnnn... my trash ex was a 36 yo grown ass man who made over $100k a year and he had the one chair in his living room. And it was a gross, ripped up chair. He also had NOTHING, I mean NOTHING, on the walls of his house. Not a single photo or poster or piece of art. I desperately wish I had known FDS before wasting so much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 03:31 PM
5

We met at a lecture he was giving to the community. Did not start talking until we bumped into each other a few times again, then he started chatting with me over Facebook.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/20 12:45 PM
11

Nope, neither are, experimenting with the cuisine!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/20 12:04 AM
18

Seriously. I have had multiple NVM PM me after seeing my posts. All say something like, “BuT FDS iZ uNeQuAL BC tHeY aSkKkK mEnZ 2 pAy aLL dA BiLLz” We ask that men take women on dates, not that they literally pay for everything constantly always forever in a long-term relationship and marriage. Part of this is the money women invest in dates - things like makeup that men NEVER have to purchase. Part of this is making up for the emotional labor that can never be equal in heterosexual relationship…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 05:11 PM
12

We had multiple extremely strong women candidates without as much personal baggage. Chris Dodd saying Kamala had “no remorse” for doing her best in a debate with a man shows how far this country has to go in terms of sexism. Btw I am most def voting for Biden because Trump is a certifiable lunatic, but I think the younger, stronger female candidates of BOTH moderate and progressive persuasion were sadly instantly cast aside this year in favor of old farts with name ID.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 04:59 AM
70

Yes, this is completely right. It is normal for men to be wary at the beginning of dating (as we all should be) but to EXPLICITLY imply non-dating means he will not change his mind. He is using the FWB label as a shield. My current relationship, we had awhile in the beginning where I would not have called him my boyfriend or said we were exclusive. However, I carefully observed that he would say he was “seeing someone” or “dating someone” when referring to me. Just because something isn’t seriou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 05:34 PM
4

Thank you for sharing your story 👏 I am so glad you have realized your inner queen. A year out from my abuser and my life is a thousand times better than it was. I am so much more fulfilled. I thought no man would want me after divorce at a young age - nope, the next guy I dated fell for me hard and the guy after that is much more interesting, powerful, and smart than my ex-husband ever was. I am so much more creatively fulfilled than before and attached to my community. I own my own damn house …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 06:14 AM
19

This was the easiest upvote I’ve ever given
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 09:30 PM
196

Here’s the thing - people ARE late for whatever reasons, even for first dates. What makes this so gross is he defends it like being late is some kind of righteous thing????? How hard is it to text 15 minutes before to say, “I’m so sorry but I’m running 20 minutes late. I’m looking forward to making it up to you”??? Basic manners and decency are beyond people these days.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 11:42 AM
8

It will get better from here. Claw your way out. I’m a year out and so much happier. I can’t tell you how much better life is once my abuser was removed. You will regain your old hobbies. You will connect with the people you lost. You will emerge.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 03:52 AM
34

Her video defending dating him is so sad. I saw my old self in that video. She keeps defending her maturity. Girl. We know YOU are mature and successful. We are judging HIM. Why does he not make a video defending his choice???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/20 02:07 PM
5

Buying my own home was the single most empowering thing I did leaving my abusive relationship. Knowing it’s my place and nobody can make me leave is amazing. Sidenote, sisters in this thread, don’t feel like home ownership is automatically out of reach! I moved to a low cost of living area and the price of my single family house was less than what my parents paid for the home I grew up in when they bought in the late 80’s. I put less than you’d pay for a new car down on it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 03:17 PM
6

Girl you are KILLING it in the life department. Thank god you dropped that dead weight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 12:21 PM
2

I disagree, the Beast is extremely abusive and the people around Belle (the furniture) encourage her to stick with him and he has the capacity to change. This is a really, really dangerous message for people, and especially girls, to internalize. Here’s a few clips taken together to show the cycle of violence in the movie: https://youtu.be/wE4aRqpEXr8
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 12:50 AM
71

Remember that male anger is a sign of so many more massive insecurities. It often starts with narcissistic wounds that the man can’t get over. Men who have male rage itch to normalize it. They try to tell other men that toxic masculinity is actually the aspirational value. We know because of sensitized, renaissance HVM that this is NOT what a self-actualized man is like. A man projecting his masculinity constantly is less likely to actually have it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 12:48 PM
6

I’m interested in this sub for taking women out of an internalized misogynist mindset and into realizing they deserve a partner who puts on the same effort they do. I’m not interested in creating traps around gender norms. Their house is kept during the day - vacuuming, dishes - and it shows how much he is putting into caring for her specifically and making sure she is at her best. There is no resentment for this, he genuinely seems happy to be meeting her needs. Remember how many men are resent…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 01:37 PM
252

The point is the gesture. If it was a more low-income man, he might get flowers. The point is that this HVM appreciates and values his partner and her contributions to their shared life!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 10:52 PM
6

Yes to this. No offense to individual men but since I know male supremacy exists I try to trust women first and wait to verify before seeing men as an ally. I have made horrible pickmeisha anti-woman mistakes in the past. It’s not feminist to roll over and accept anti-woman BS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 08:03 PM
40

Idk if that’s true but men who virtue signal hard on feminism are questionable af.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 07:54 PM
5

OR instead of punishing women trafficked into sex workers - most of them under the age of majority in their country - we HEAVILY punish johns who solicit. Right now, at least in the US, we treat the trafficked women as the drug dealers and the johns as the drug addicts/consumers. In reality, the harm continuum is the opposite so we need to treat it that way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 08:06 PM
7

Also, I think a lot of radical feminism has come to embrace femininity (and performance of femininity) as a positive since 2nd wave feminism. This isn’t true across the board but a lot of rad feminists now can be more positive about women who are feminine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 07:57 PM
21

YES. I love getting my nails done specifically because it’s always a space filled almost 100% with women (sometimes some queer dudes). Moreover, nail culture and art is feminine coded. Love it. Saw a post on Reddit about how “EWWW long fake nails are so unattractive to men” yup and it ain’t for you. I just love that it’s something men don’t participate in and so they don’t butt in and claim authority.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 07:54 PM
25

Seriously, my parents would be mortified if I did not OFFER my guests food and beverage. I have the best yard situation for social distancing for a community group I am in so that is where we do our meetings. I put out chips or pretzels and sodas, everyone says such nice things about it but it’s practically nothing and this is how I was raised. Those are acquaintances. People I don’t particularly care about. I am baffled that a BOYFRIEND would think to treat someone he CARES about in a bean-coun…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 05:00 PM
46

I think that it’s dope you guys both had a good conversation. No blame, sometimes people don’t connect. It’s awesome to come away from a dating experience respecting a person. Also, let’s not criticize queens too hard in the comments here. I think it’s hard enough dealing with the onslaught of misogyny and pickme chauvinism in the world. Nothing in this convo is inherently bad, and nit-picking word by word isn’t really a helpful behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 04:56 PM
10

Emulating male violence and rage is not the way for us to Queen up and better this world.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 05:10 PM
7

I agree. We are above male rage never forget it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 05:05 PM
11

For me, the experience of intimate partner violence did not include forcible rape but often what might be termed as sexual harassment if it were from a stranger... but it was my partner so it was hard to categorize.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 04:00 AM
21

Why would you care and obsess over someone you haven’t talked to yet? I legit don’t get it. It proves MEN are the ones attaching soooo much importance / fantasies to a photo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 10:00 PM
67

I had this argument with a friend of mine about a mutual acquaintance of ours who is legit trash. When I called him trash (he cheated very publicly on his girlfriend back in the day, she took him back, they’ve been together for 12 years and no ring), he claimed that “He’s going to propose to her eventually, he even told me how he wants to do it!” Yeah dude, he’s had 12 years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 09:57 PM
2

I think this is an incomplete analysis of the video. What the woman is sending up is the concept of female-enforced patriarchal norms that a woman who comes across as confident “thinks she’s all that.” It’s not about BEING hot, it’s about THINKING that you’re hot. When you become radicalized as a feminist you realize how many “female chauvinists” unfortunately are internalized to enforce this system. The answer is shine theory, mutual investment in the success of other women, because you no long…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 03:39 PM
19

THIS IS HORRIFYING. Girl he did not call the cops on himself gtfo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/20 02:29 AM
6

She deleted it already, unfortunately, which is why I did a screenshot. But I did comment telling her she deserved better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 08:33 PM
271

Visited Ireland a few times - what struck me the MOST about the Irish is how much they will bend over backwards to be hospitable. If anything, the culture is the opposite of this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 05:14 PM
10

It’s crazy how even under the strictures of the patriarchy, how much more overtly liberated the “educated” woman is. In the context of all that’s going on with BLM this week, I’d like to remind folks of Ibram X. Kendi’s philosophy on antiracism and how it relates to policy - it’s relevant for this video. Kendi notes that the nefariousness of oppression is how it pushes individuals to blame each other and themselves on solutions that should be focused on policy. Poor and suffering folks are looki…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 07:53 AM
73

I have two dogs and live in a warm climate so I am very familiar with fleas. If this dude has it THAT bad, it is an astronomical infestation. Like this is someone real dirty. I police all the pets in the house (my tenant in the front unit of the house has cats and I make sure they are on flea and tick treatment) with solutions and spray the furniture regularly. I maybe come across one flea coming off my dog now and then. The fact that she can see lots of black flea dirt on the BED is crazy. They…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/20 02:37 AM
12

It’s so obvious he is insecure. She’s not spoiled when her laptop BROKE. Spoiled is having a perfectly nice, working laptop and replacing it with a top of the line one, not getting top quality when you NEED one. Also, I’ve had MacBook Pros since the age of 18. As someone who works in a creative field, they were the standard and I always just knew it was an investment I had to make. Who cares?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 12:36 AM
1

One of the things that has helped me since it all went down is the ability to actually slow down. I used to be go go go with wanting specific accomplishments and milestones. Now I’ve been taking this last year for me and part of that is being okay with healing not happening perfectly. Go to the drive-thru and eat my feelings every once and awhile? It’s fine. Can’t deal with contacting friends he isolated me from? When I do tell them, they’ll understand. Times I messed up and looked up his social…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 01:25 PM
1

I went through the same thing, and I had my FB down for almost a year. What you’re feeling is normal and you will recover and blossom with your worth. There isn’t a timeline for feeling fine or anything you have to do or not do. Much love and I am hoping your journey to self-acceptance is getting better (mine is).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 05:47 AM
18

Yes, it happened to me. My abuser ramped it up within two weeks of us being engaged. It only got worse. I should have listened to the red flags early on. That is precisely why FDS strategy is so important. The MOMENT you sniff serious problems ahead, be ruthless in eliminating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/20 12:42 AM
10

The whole thread is not what “drunk” people do, it’s the sign of a personality disorder and seriously narcissistic behavior. When a healthy person is drunk they might have their feelings amplified, but the constant switch between hot/cold to try to maintain your attention is SERIOUSLY messed up and not from the booze. Good on you for blocking that nonsense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 03:21 PM
17

Apparently Ellen Pompeo said she felt that moment was really unempowering and hard to relate to. It’s good to know she disagreed with that direction for the character.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/05/20 01:57 AM
19

Absolutely! Feminists are able to liberate men from patriarchy. Men’s rights advocates typically only bring up issues at the expense of women sharing their stories and experiences. Perfect example, an issue I’m passionate about as a feminist is pushing employers on paternity leave. It has been studied that when men take on more leave when the baby is an infant, household roles are more likely to be equal later on. When only women take mat leave, by default they become the authoritative caregiver…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/20 04:35 PM
6

Just want to point out why your expectations are not shallow. It would be different if your fiancé was someone who hadn’t had access to career opportunity for achievement when you both met. Let’s say he came from a low income background and had worked very hard to achieve a working class job with what was in front of him. That’s not who this is. This is someone who as an adult, is in a program (military) that has access to move up the career ladder. Given this access, he is deliberately CHOOSING…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/20 11:27 PM
31

Almost to a science, I was kind of annoyed with a guy I had been seeing for not being responsive so I ignored his texts for 24 hours. No surprise, within a few texts of him testing the waters he had invited me out on an elaborate date. Just stop caring. Do other stuff. Clean your house. Go to a yoga class. Get shit done. They will come around if they want to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 03:11 PM
162

So true. My abusive ex lived like a college student when I met him at 36. He had no furniture (literally one chair in the living room) and he owned a huge empty townhouse. It was almost ridiculously male. He would joke about how he had the same pillows from college. Current BF doesn’t have a ton of money yet still has custom pieces for his home that he either salvaged as antiques or actually commissioned from artisans. Ladies, better options are out there. LVM want you to believe nobody has clas…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 03:02 PM
13

I agree with you that you should have balked at the red flag of the Bumble location thing. He didn’t need to lie - he could have said, “I’m out at XYZ restaurant tonight” even if he was on another date, or even “whoops I was busy tonight.” Lying begets lying, which of course you found out! I have been “hurt” at the man I am dating for times he is out and I feel excluded, but my rational brain tries to recognize that it’s better to know and be getting pics of the event etc., than to be lied to!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 06:12 PM
6

On a podcast I saw a very cute idea from a woman who did not want to break quarantine but was talking to a man. She had exchanged a photo of what she was cooking and he had sent a pic of the wine he was drinking. He proposed doing a contactless “trade” so it was like they were on a date experiencing them together: her leftovers for his wine. He showed up to her doorstep and they did a socially distanced exchange. She said they’ve now been “trading” things multiple times a week that they’ve been …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 06:05 PM
1

Amen sister. My abuser was 13 years older than me and there was a power differential. Seeing Florence Pugh make the Instagram video pleading for relationship validation with a man 20 years her senior by saying, “I’m 24 years old” reminded me of myself and I felt badly for her. Young women, nobody is saying you aren’t mature. Florence, for example, is 24 and perfectly capable of taking care of herself, marriage, etc. What we’re saying is the KIND OF MAN attracted to a woman who is so much younger…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 06:15 PM
5

I know nothing about his personal life, good to know!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/20 04:31 PM
96

Amazing! It really makes a difference. If a man wants a family and wants to provide, he’s not going to ball at a plate of food. Steve breaks down FDS strategy, down to not having children with gross LVM and from first date to marriage, to the letter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/20 02:08 PM
8

Yes, I am trying to actively live below my means. If I make, say, $4200 a month after tax, budget like it’s $4000 so you always have cushion no matter what. A lot of people just call this “savings” but I mean literally creating your whole budget, including planned savings, around less than you have. Emergencies sneak up on you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 01:46 PM
19

Such LVM behavior. If you have kids, they should be a huge part of who you are as a person. Or you are a bad father.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 01:40 PM
5

WAY less of a red flag. Let me tell you a story. My very abusive, LVM ex-husband was 13 years older than me and had never been married. When we were getting serious, he was 38. My dad was extremely prescient about this and at one point said, “If a family and marriage was something he wanted, why wait until now to try? It’s really weird that he’s never been married before now.” I pouted, being very pickme at the time and thinking it was because I was special. And my dad was being old fashioned! N…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 04:12 AM
7

I bought my own damn house. And everything in it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/20 02:34 PM
14

I agree about treating other people in their life well - especially standing up for women when it matters. The man I’m dating has a couple as close friends who are divorcing because of the man’s infidelity. He’s made it very clear and in no uncertain terms that he is on the woman’s side and he is disgusted by the man’s behavior. He literally has cut off contact with him. I’ve been around so many men who do the “Yeah it’s bad, but he’s my bro” kind of behavior. These men are automatically skeptic…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/20 03:40 PM
10

This is a small thing with so many great comments in this thread, but I really am noticing HVM love to plan dates. They make an effort. I’m using this as an example since we’re in quarantine (and it is safe... we live walking distance, are exclusive, etc.), but last night he proposed pizza and a specific movie. When I got there, he had already fixed me a plate with pizza and salad, got out a frosted glass for a beer (he had gotten sour beer for me, which I know was for me since he doesn’t like t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/20 03:31 PM
22

I can relate to not understanding it when a man treats you well. Today, I texted the sweet HVM I’ve been dating that my dog had gotten out. Seriously 5 mins later as I was searching the street, I saw his car pull up (we live only a couple blocks apart) - and my first words were, “What are you doing?” My next thoughts were panic as I had no makeup on and I wasn’t even wearing a bra. What will he think? I wondered. Why is he here? I was so nervous. But you know what he was actually doing? Walking …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/20 04:24 AM
17

High risk for mediocre reward
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/20 09:00 PM
17

Have to be honest, I wanted to be pregnant in my abusive marriage but luckily it never happened. Now I realize I was so lucky as it made it SO much easier to get out and quite literally escape without children. In so many ways they end up strapping you to men, definitely something to think about.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/20 03:41 PM
2

You are right 100%! I meant that - just edited my post to correct.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/20 07:56 PM
8

Omg. This was a LIGHTBULB for me. Great comment. I have previously been hardwired to please my partner. It’s as simple as when I expect a date to be at my home, I make extra trouble to make sure my house is clean and presentable. Yet going over to a man’s house, I’ve never had the same thing occur. They let it all hang out. But I’ve tried not to be disappointed and moderate my expectations (in the past). It’s how women are raised, unfortunately.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/20 04:13 PM
14

Yup. I am not preparing myself. But the attitude this woman is putting out there is that she’s so crazy and lucky this man deigns to be with her. She’s sadly bought into the idea that his opinions have bearing on her worth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/20 12:47 AM
20

Partially it’s the effort invested in the date. It shows that they are interested in impressing you. OLD men of low value try to game dating as a quick numbers game where they want a low-investment first date that they can bail on quickly if need be. This means they are not selective themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/20 05:21 PM
45

Great advice. Men who want you will pursue you. The man I am seeing now, I DID think was cute and intelligent when we first met. Kind of had that pining feeling but did not want to invest too much. Busy with so much going on, I noted it (and that he wasn’t wearing a ring) but didn’t focus on him. He friended me on FB immediately. We ran into each other again around town. After that, he messaged me for the first time. Third time seeing each other in a semi-professional networking type setting, he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/20 05:14 PM
70

The writer/director has commented that he intends the film to be a metaphor for a breakup.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/20 03:01 PM
1

This is great advice. I think it’s my own self-esteem holding me back on this. I appreciate the feedback
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 12:46 AM
4

Toying with what’s the proper level before asking commitment/getting rid of a man. On paper, the guy I’ve been seeing is HVM - high education, very valued in the community (well known locally). We have similar beliefs and lifestyles. He’s never made paying a “thing”, it’s always been assumed we are on one check. Respectful, messages back, regularly invites me places, has taken me round with his friends. Loads of personal interests and hobbies, owns his house, cooks. A million times level up from…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 04:30 AM
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