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View 7 posts and 41 comments by rum53 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

I (46m) initiated the divorce after 18 years of marriage in January of this year and separated in February. Divorce is in progress. I’m doing a lot better now and but still working through the emotional abuse from the marriage. On a plus side, I’m casually dating two women now. I actually have healthy relationships with women now. On the negative side, moving out strained my relationship with my kids. We’ve just started family therapy to work through the issues.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 06:41 PM
1

Louisiana.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 03:23 PM
10

I had a similar experience with my wife. Add in compulsive spending and it’s a match. I suspect undiagnosed BPD. I finally moved out and filed for divorce last month after 18 years of marriage. I couldn’t take it anymore. The past 4 weeks in my own place had been a godsend.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 06:44 PM
1

I’m newly separated, about a month now (my state requires a 1 year separation before divorce is granted. 18 years married, 20 together with three kids. About a week after I moved out, I started to explore the dating apps. The attention was overwhelming. Within a week, I already had my first drink date and was talking to several other women. I had a huge dopamine rush between starting my new life, the attention, and all the other changes. After about 10 days, I realized I wasn’t ready to date and…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 02:39 PM
1

There is a lot more to this. I believe my wife suffers from an undiagnosed mental illness. She has physically attacked me numerous times and regularly name calls (even in front of children). Furthermore, she has no financial sense and is spending us into bankruptcy. Yes I have been on a self improvement journey lately and that has led me to the conclusion that I cannot tolerate her behavior anymore for the sake of my children.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 12:50 PM
2

I’m in the same boat brother. Moved out into my place 3 weeks ago but had a dead bedroom for 2 years before that. Been giving the dating apps a try. Already had drinks with a classy woman but she’s not a one night stand type of gal unfortunately.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 01:12 PM
1

It’s been a whirlwind of a week. My wife insisted on marriage counseling. I agreed to it only after we separate. That made the process of moving out so much easier. After agreeing to counseling, she made the process so much easier, especially with telling the kids. They took it as well as expected. I got the new house in order and they will be staying with me next weekend. My wife found a local marriage counselor who would see us in a rush. She couldn’t have picked a better one for me. I was ext…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 01:46 PM
2

Yes. I have an attorney who has been advising me and already started the process.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 11:04 PM
1

I don’t want to talk about this now that I made a discount. I actually posted a lot in a mental illness subreddit a while ago when I was figuring things out. lMy wife suffers from an undiagnosed mental illness. My kids have approached me asking if their mom is bipolar multiple times. What is better for the kids, living in a chaotic environment with an up and down uncontrolled emotions? Also, my wife struggles with impulse control and cannot stop spending. We have a lot of debt and little assets …
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 11:04 PM
1

We are separating because our state requires a 1 year separation period before we can divorce. I did agree to marriage counseling during our separation.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 10:59 PM
8

You have to look way back in my history to find out about the true reasons. My wife suffers from an undiagnosed mental illness from unresolved childhood trauma. She exhibits Borderline Personality Disorder behaviors. In particular, she has episodes where she loses complete emotional control. She becomes verbally abusive and sometimes physically abusive during these episodes. They last anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour and she snaps out of it and acts like it never happened. The second area is …
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 10:58 PM
-5

Has she considered Hormone replacement therapy?
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 05:36 PM
1

My state requires a 1 year separation before the divorce is granted. I’ll be poor for the next year because I have to support two households. Luckily I have an affordable place to move into thanks to some family connections.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 02:51 PM
6

Tomorrow I tell my wife of 18 years that I want a divorce. I have the papers ready to serve her and a new house setup for me and my kids so I can start 50/50 custody of our three kids immediately. Being that I’m the one initiating the divorce, I’m mentally prepared and have all my paperwork in order. I started the process last summer and have been preparing ever since, even been seeing a therapist since September.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 01:37 PM
2

18 years married, 20 years together, three kids (15,12,10). I have the divorce papers all ready and a new house ready to go for 50/50 custody. Tomorrow I tell my wife that I want a divorce. Plan is to tell the kids on Thursday and I move out on Saturday. For the kids sake, moving out immediately after telling them could have negative abandonment consequences. However, I have my new place ready to go if my wife doesn’t take the news well and becomes a danger.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 01:32 PM
3

Stop trying to have kids until you sort this out. I was in your position many years ago. When I finalized things weren’t right, my wife was already pregnant. I dedicated myself to my family at point. After 18 years of carrying the load, I’m completely burnt out. I can’t do it anymore. I started therapy and did a lot of self reflection and realized I can never be happy in my marriage. I stuck it out for my kids and lost myself in the meantime. It’s been a long 7 to 8 month process and next week I…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 06:44 PM
1

Wife that I’m preparing to divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 02:31 PM
1

My wife spent all our money and racked up more debt than we have assets.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 11:01 PM
1

I already told her back in October that I was unhappy and things had to change. Of course, the change only lasted a couple of weeks. My goal now is to protect myself. I don’t think she will go scorched earth on me but you never know. I want to keep the time I tell her to when I move out as short as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 05:58 PM
1

My state will not grant a divorce unless you are separated for 12 months. That means I have to move out. Living together does not constitute separation.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 05:50 PM
1

I’m planning to serve her the papers myself. But if things go sideways, we will go through the courts to have her served. Hopefully it won’t come to that.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 02:39 PM
2

I hear you. I’ve done the preparation and I’m ready to pull the trigger. 2 more weeks.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 01:47 PM
2

Thank you for the advice. Hopefully she doesn’t go scorched earth on me.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 02:26 PM
2

I’ve been going through our finances and cutting back where I could. Our biggest expense is “shopping”. I’ll be ahead simply my eliminating that.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 02:23 PM
2

My state requires a one year separation before granting a I fault divorce. I have to physically move out for a 365 days for a divorce. I will petition the court for shared custody during the year long separation. This is why first setting up a safe and stable home is important
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 02:21 PM
3

My kids handle their mother differently. My oldest argues back if the anger is unwarranted. My middle tries to stay out of it and avoid her anger. My youngest tries to fix whatever is the source of my wife’s anger. I will be broke for a year or two when we separate. Luckily my parents stepped in and are helping me setup a home for me and the kids. I’m would be financially devastated without their support.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 02:17 PM
2

My state you have to physically separate for a year before a divorce will be granted.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 02:12 PM
2

Thanks for the thoughtful response. I pray she doesn’t go scorched earth. She is one to hold grudges but she’s never been vindictive. She has grudges against all her immediate family members but will not do anything outside of badmouthing them. I can live with her bad mouthing me. I’d hope she’s smart enough to not do anything that will endanger my career or she will end up paying the price in the long run too. I don’t think that my wife’s anger issues are enough to gain full custody. While she …
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 03:03 AM
1

Thanks. I’ve been working toward this for a while now. I first got my support system in place. Parents, brother and his wife, best friend and his wife. I started therapy to make sure I’m not delusional or am missing anything. I even had a council with a divorce lawyer to learn the process months before I made my final decision. I feel now it’s all about execution. I spent half a year figuring things out. I made up my mind and now it’s full speed ahead. My next goal is to minimize the reduce to m…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 02:37 AM
2

No. I make over twice her income. I already crunched the numbers and have an idea of what child support and alimony will cost.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 02:32 AM
2

I’m preparing for a divorce and have been seeing a therapist to get my mind in order beforehand. My problem is I suppressed my emotions to make my marriage work. We’ve been working on sitting with an emotion and acknowledging it without action.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 02:37 AM
2

How did your kids handle the situation. The only thing that is making me hesitant is the kids well being. However, I have to tell myself that we have a toxic household and I need to provide a healthy home for them, even if it’s only part time.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 11:00 AM
7

I’m working towards a separation right now. Married 18 years, together for 20. We have three kids (15,12,10). I do the majority of the housework while also being the primary income. Dead bedroom for over a year. Big issue is that my wife is emotionally unstable (borderline diagnose-able) and I believe it goes back to childhood trauma. It is to the point where the kids and I walk on eggshells around her. Her issues weren’t too bad when we met but grew worse over the years. Throw in compulsive spe…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 09:49 PM
2

Right now we have zero wealth. Maybe $50K when considering our retirement accounts and very little in savings. Our debt is 2/3 student loan and 1/3 credit card. Our equity in our house will cover our debt.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 04:48 PM
2

Thanks for the feedback. I feel for you on how your marriage ended. I honestly don’t want to put my wife in the same position as you. My marriage is somewhat toxic in several respects. We have issues with communication and conflict resolution. Before I went on TRT, I had a lot more tolerance when our conflicts escalated. Now not so much. A major issue in our marriage is our finances. My wife struggles with fiscal discipline and has a problem with overspending. We accumulated debt and I am trying…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 04:22 PM
2

One of our main issues is finances. My wife struggles with fiscal discipline and overspends on things we don’t need or experiences for the kids. I’ve unsuccessfully tried to get it under control. This came the surface last July when I found out she racked up a bunch of credit card debt without my knowledge. We have a manageable amount of debt right now and I was working hard to pay down it down so we can concentrate on kid’s college and our retirement. She promised to change but then I noticed a…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 03:50 PM
3

I have 8 years before my kids are out of the house. I’ll be 54 years old. One thing that complicates our situation is our financiers. My wife has no fiscal discipline whatsoever and spends money faster than I can earn it. I’ve been trying to manage our debt and finally had enough and confronted her over the weekend. My immediate future depends on her actions. I’ll have to divorce if she doesn’t change her ways. I really don’t want to work until the day I die.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 03:07 PM
1

I had my first conversation with her last weekend but I think the distance between us plus too great to overcome.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 02:49 PM
1

My wife works but I make more than twice what she does. I know I will have to pay child support for 8 more years. I’m going to go for 50/50 custody. She’s a teacher and her schedule aligns with their school schedule so I don’t know how that will affect the arrangement.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 06:58 PM
2

We both have student loans, but I have more than her. She had her student loans before we were married. I went back to school after married.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 04:43 PM
1

I handle the majority of household duties. My wife was a stay at home mom for 10 years until our youngest went to school full time. She also works in education so her schedule matches the kid’s school schedule. Honestly, I don’t think we will be able to afford the house if we do split. Also, we moved to a new area for work 6 years ago and have no family support within 500 miles of us. My job is 7am to 4pm and I have a 40min commute. I’m about to change jobs in the same company and my commute wil…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 11:27 AM
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