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spoiledbypride Archive

View 3 posts and 21 comments by spoiledbypride on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Stay brave man. It probably feels hopeless a lot of the time, especially when the mind wanders to how sufficient you used to be. It just shows you have what it takes to get to that kind of a place in life.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 07:19 PM
1

First a hesitation to share anything comes, then it turns into overall reluctance, finally I feel like I just know that she's a place understanding will never be at. In a way it sort of proves the statement true, but there was a gradual misshaping. I connect a lot with what you said.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 07:17 PM
1

Thanks for typing this out. It was a very lucid and powerfully worded post. Summed up a very vague and uneasy situation clearly.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 07:11 PM
3

That was actually a pretty good book in my experience. The most helpful part was the first question where she makes you ask yourself Even when things were supposedly good, were they really good for you and were you happy? The others I felt just built on this certain but vague sentiment, added words and layers to it. If things have changed to a degree that is visibly unsalvagable your situation answers itself. But the searching needs to be about how you felt even when you had your dog and there w…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/23 09:19 AM
1

I see what you mean here. I'm in a similar situation myself. What's a sensible course of action in this position, especially if there's no kids involved
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/23 04:33 PM
1

This is pretty tragic. That you got beaten up to the point of getting a black eye and are now feeling like a valid victim for watching porn. Personally I think porn use ruins self esteem so would advise asking why you feel you need to use it. But looking at your relationship, it feels like a very cold and lonely place for you. What keeps you in it?
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/23 11:07 AM
1

She never does. There's a flare up, the threat to leave and then the suggestion that we work things out. It's just exhausting.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 05:43 PM
1

Thanks for your straight talking response. I really do appreciate it. It actually was going to happen in 2021 after the umpteenth time she'd left home saying she wanted our marriage to end. Then my dad died and I had to try and ensure my mom was safe and was able to come stay with me. Our home country had been very brutally hit by covid at the time. I do know within me something has shifted. That this isn't a companionship I've come to recognise. Too much has been said and done for me to really …
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/23 09:59 AM
1

Thank you for taking the time to read and reply. Your response was very thoughtful and kind. I do recognise I don't have to do anything that might benefit my wife, it's just the want to try and make the best of a bad situation for everyone involved. In your opinion, and just so I can hear it from another person, what do you feel is wrong or wouldn't work by trying to help her with her visa? That there are issues psychologically has become very clear to me. She has riled up many times at the thou…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/23 06:24 PM
1

Thank you for taking the time to reply and moreso to read the earlier posts. I really do appreciate it. Just to clarify, we won't be holding off a divorce for 5 years. It'll be approx 15 months or so as she's stayed here for 3.5 years already, although most of it away from me in a different city she'd taken a job in.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/23 03:39 PM
1

Thanks for your support and thoughtful response. On most levels evaluating the relationship, I know that it's a bad one and left me damaged and continues to damage me. However perhaps its the way I'm thinking, but the unconscious thought keeps coming that "Is this just about how good it will ever get for you?"
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/22 07:00 PM
2

Thanks for taking the time to reply. It's heartening to hear you've moved on to better things.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/22 02:06 PM
3

I'm trying my friend. It feels very uncomfortable but I know I can't keep living like this. The most worrisome thing for me is I don't know any different, I worry what life besides this will be like and if I'll be able to cut it in That alternative life
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/22 07:42 AM
6

Thanks for taking the time to reply. Your statement about the rest of life being like this was something I needed to hear. And I've been through such swings of positive behaviour before. They're brief and feel fragile by design.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/22 07:40 AM
2

I agree that regions have less and less to do with this. The reality is that the ideas and the distorted ideas of relationships and personal identities now travel freely. They've shaped most such problematic situations regardless of where they occur. I'm not for a agreeing with the almost subjugating stance this idea you describe about sex being the tipping point of a marriage decision holds. But much of current thought, especially for the wrong sort person produces a stance that if you're winni…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/22 07:37 AM
1

Thanks so much for again taking the time to reply. I derive a lot of assurance from and see a lot of wisdom in all your responses. I did on some level expect this sort of a transformation but have been in this place many times before. It's an uneasy space to be in though. Sometimes I wonder if over all these years (for me even before the marriage) angst and friction was filling up a void where I should have been. Excavating that and recognising it needs to be filled and worked on first is progre…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/22 07:32 AM
1

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply and for all the encouraging things you've said. One thing I've come to understand is that I very badly need to work on myself. The need to learn how to respect myself is something I clearly appreciate. Really appreciate this. And I'm really glad to see you're happy and finally enjoying your life.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 07:55 PM
5

Thank you so much for your kindness and support. It's been an awful time, and a particularly painful year. I've thought many of the same things over and over myself. I'm completely with you on the bpd issue. I have read that book 2 years ago and been trying to put it into practice. Nothing seems to stabilise.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 06:44 PM
2

Thank you for your very kind message. And yes, in a way there are some similarities. I'm nowhere as successful as you have been romantically, but the feel of our stories does have something common. My self esteem has always been very poor even if I present a picture of outward control. At times I worry if this is the only relationship I'd ever be good enough for.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 04:01 PM
3

Thanks for replying. Yes I've understood that myself. I've already started working with a therapist. More than anything else, having the space to be heard has been so refreshing. The exact opposite of what life in the marriage has been like. And yes, you picked up the not loving myself very well. It has been a pretty tough life.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 02:50 PM
3

Thank you for taking the time out to reply. I have picked up on this feeling. The sense of being used is very palpable. I'm just worried about life hereon. Of being alone forever. I've not had a great life, even outside this marriage. What is life like after a divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 01:25 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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