Hi everyone, this is my first post here so please excuse any naiveness that comes across in the things I say.

My married life has been very bad ever since it began - volatile, lopsided, marred by my wife’s meltdowns and outbursts. She has always found ways to feel dissatisfied, and living with or doing anything with her has felt like walking on eggshells – you never knew what trigger the next argument or how intense the next meltdown will be. When we first got married, the arguments would be about feminism, then it became her stop and start career, then her financial chaos, etc

I’m not for a moment saying I’m perfect, but I doubt I’ve ever been able to get a word in in any such argument. I’ve become very timid, and known I get almost frozen even though I’m almost exploding inside.

This last year is actually the first time I’ve actually lived with my wife for any prolonged period of time. She has moved a lot for her work and made unilateral decisions on where to live for work. I’ve spent most of the last 5 years of our marriage on my own overseas, while she has lived in my ancestral home with my parents. She made life for them very difficult for similar reasons.

I am an only child, and when my father passed away a year ago, I brought my frail and elderly mom to live with me so I could look after her.

Things have been very bad since then – it’s clear my wife resents the care and time I’m giving my mom. The arguments and hollowness of our relationship is as its always been.

My wife has already left home some 5 or 6 times, and when she returns little changes.

The arguments have now become about us having a child. I’ve just turned 40, she’s 39. We actually conceived around 6 months ago but I saw that even when we had, nothing changed – the same arguments, the same volatility. The way nothing had changed despite us having conceived turned the issue into a red line for me. That was the first time I really felt I lost my temper with her.

I know my life is very unhappy, but I can’t bring myself to raise a child in this kind of an environment.

I’ve been beaten out of shape, there are days I really wish I was dead.

A few weeks ago I told her I couldn’t go on like this and that we should see a couples counsellor – I arranged the appointment and she had another meltdown during the initial consultation. She started weeping and snarling, blaming me for everything she feels has gone wrong in her life.

Now she’s saying she will consider counselling if I first agree to starting IVF cycles with her.

I’ve said I can’t agree to this, IVF is a no go unless our marriage is in a better place, which I doubt it will be.

Can someone please tell me what they think about my situation and offer some advice?

Also I am very worried about what life will be like if I get divorced? Will I die alone, never having had or loved anyone. Will I ever be happy? Guys, what’s life after divorce from a situation like this like?

And unlike her, I’ve been very sensible with my money and savings through the years. She also works, but if we divorced, would it mean she’d take away half of everything I’ve earned and saved?

Thank you