TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

spozmo Archive

View 7 posts and 111 comments by spozmo on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
5

For the substance of this, you need the advice of an experienced attorney. That said, you absolutely should not give up on your kids. As a father, it is my obligation to put my kids ahead of everything else. I backed off in a much less drastic situation and lost less. But I regret it every single day. Every one of them. Put your kids first. Genuinely. I’m sorry you’re hurting, and I hope you find a way to heal. But do not give up on your behalf. Do what is best for the kids. There is no way this…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 08:13 PM
2

Did you make your appointment today?
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 11:41 PM
2

lmao I think you’re going to have a great set.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 01:29 AM
9

I hope it goes well, and good on you for putting yourself out there.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 01:22 AM
3

Three divorces? God damn, dude. Good on you for surviving that. I’m on number two, and I can’t imagine draining this shit again.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 09:16 PM
12

DARVO - Google it. I’ve been on both sides of it. Brutal stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 04:55 AM
20

I know the feeling of always being the problem.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 04:47 AM
4

Why are you divorcing?
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 04:32 AM
-18

There are options between doormat and resentful asshole.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 04:25 AM
-17

That doesn’t change my position.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 04:02 AM
-20

Dude. Terrible. Stop punishing your kids. This is abuse.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 03:57 AM
5

This helped me. My ex has breadcrumbed periodically and will sometimes break her self-described gray rock to be friendly or banter. It grabs me so hard every time. Her actions have been consistent, though. For years really. She checked out of the relationship a while ago and simply hasn’t come back. I’m working on accepting the idea that she never will.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 09:53 PM
1

I looked it up, and this seems like an unnecessary term that further dilutes the word “rape”.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 12:14 PM
7

Dressing better and working out make me feel better about myself. Most of the time, I could give a shit what women think of me, but how I treat and present myself affects how I think of me. Otherwise spot on.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 05:22 AM
1

Focus on things you can control, such as improving yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 02:00 PM
1

Let the new girl go. Mourn your marriage. Focus on becoming a better version of yourself and healing the pains and problems you struggled with during the marriage and the split. There will be other girls, and this one isn’t respecting that you can’t be in a relationship right now. She’s nice-guying you. Also, someone who’s pursuing you right now is pursuing a man who is not well. That means she is not well. This is not a good basis for a relationship. Talk to people you have no romantic or sexua…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 01:58 PM
2

I pushed and begged my wife to come back, and it just solidified her choice. I made grand gestures and wrote letters. What I did not do was take self-improvement seriously or give her space. I am doing both know. Our interactions are slowly improving. She’s already dating her ex, so I doubt she’s coming back, but I am slowly feeling better, and she’s slowly opening up to me again. ETA - I did the location thing, too.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 04:07 AM
0

Men*
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 04:33 PM
8

I feel this. My ex not only jumped immediately into a new relationship. She did it with the guy she dated before me. I don’t know what he’s like now, but I know what he was like before. My ex is a sober alcoholic, and she was sober when she met this guy. The way he played mind games with her contributed to a heinous relapse where she ended up doing heroin and attempting suicide. Now, no one is responsible for anyone else’s sobriety, but it’s safe to say that was not a healthy relationship for he…
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/23 03:58 PM
1

I’ve actually done alright at being neutral today. ETA - Got a plan to get a ton done tomorrow, too, including some exercise. I’ve lost 30lbs due to grief. Gonna start doing it on purpose.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/23 04:00 AM
38

Don’t say things to your ex you wouldn’t want broadcast on the news. Accept what you’ve already said. Be the same man everywhere. Godspeed.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 11:54 PM
1

I think this is a reductive take, but I agree I should leave her alone as much as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 03:19 PM
1

Yeah, I’m in enough pain to search for real ways out, and I’d like to think I’m wise enough to recognize them sometimes. I know I can only address my part, and I know I can only do that if I see it clearly and humbly.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 02:56 PM
1

I also think it’s best for me to frame it as simple kindness even if it’s what I think it is.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 02:35 PM
1

Sure. This makes sense. I appreciate the perspective.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 02:26 PM
2

I agree. Thanks for helping me move toward clarity and doing the right thing here.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 02:20 PM
1

Sure. I agree with that. Is that all you see her doing here? I may be delusional in my reading of the situation.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 02:19 PM
1

My fear is that because she is so reluctant to be direct (generally, but especially with me after what I did), I’ll miss an actual open door. However, that’s a great reason not to get back together.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 02:01 PM
2

Google could work. I am lucky to have a lot of friends who share my values. I mostly just tagged along with them to things until I knew the communities I wanted to work alongside and was integrated into them.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/23 03:53 AM
9

What is a life worth living to you? What do you value? I find the most satisfaction in being of service to others, so I spend a lot of time volunteering. I also really love language, so I’m thinking of taking up writing. These may not be the answers for you. The key thing, I think, is that “a life worth living” is a different thing for everyone.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 08:59 PM
10

Take the suggestions of qualified outside observers. If you continue to insist on navigating this yourself, you are very likely to be right. Your situation is probably permanent. It takes help to get out of this kind of emotional bottom. If you refuse the help, you won’t get out. If you have help available and you don’t take it, you are choosing the result of refusing it. You are choosing permanent misery. There’s nothing beautiful or romantic or noble in that. It’s just a waste. Ask yourself wh…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 01:01 PM
1

Yeah. I’m trying to move past this phase. I think I’m making progress slowly. Late night is hard. Friendly interactions are hard. But overall, the din of dread is quieting slowly.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 02:52 PM
1

Oh for sure. I cross-posted to marriage, but it’s getting ignored there.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 06:07 AM
3

Makes sense to me. I hope you enjoy it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 03:59 AM
3

Yeah. I’ve been reading bits and pieces from Husband Help Haven. It’s helped focus my energy at least. How’s your ex reacting?
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 03:58 AM
1

Resentment is no good for you. I get that it numbs other pains for a while, but I would err on the side of processing it rather than stoking it. I’ve gained a lot from working through mine.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 02:42 AM
4

If I were in your shoes, I would go to the relatives. Alone is really hard for me. I’ve accepted an invitation from an awkward acquaintance to have thanksgiving at his place with his roommate. Just the three of us.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 02:40 AM
1

If she refuses to cooperate, you have no options other than living in the status quo or involving the courts.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 02:38 AM
7

I’m pretty fresh in, but feel like I’ve made a lot of progress. I don’t ever expect to stop loving and missing her. I hope to be able to heal enough to show up for my kids and friends until it’s my time to kick the bucket, but that’s about the best future I can imagine. What have you done to deal with the grief so far?
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/23 12:37 AM
1

Yeah, I’m working on not attacking myself for my failings. There were plenty of others, and I know she had hers. I’m recognizing that a lot of the relationship was sick as were both of us. I’m going to focus on accepting and treating the parts of me that are still sick. She’s busy finding her next boyfriend.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 02:49 AM
18

This is lovely. Beware of monkey branching, though. I did that for 25 years and it lead to serious, serious problems remaining unaddressed.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 05:25 PM
3

Accept that these intense feelings are going to happen no matter what you do. You’re going to grieve. Don’t try to fight them. Observe them, process them and move on. Let them be when they happen. Don’t act on them. Don’t. Act. On. Them. I did a ton of stupid shit as a result of my separation that 100% convinced my wife to make it a divorce. Would I still like to reconcile? Yes, I think so. Do I try to make her come back anymore? No. I’ve been doing a lot of praying and meditating and writing to…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 04:25 PM
4

Oof. Bud. This does not sound sustainable. I was in a similar situation. The complaint list always grew as I addressed the ones I could. The distance grew and I tried to close the gap, which made it worse. I wouldn’t initiate if I were you, and don’t try to force a conversation. I would make it clear that you’re available to talk when she wants and then try to show up with her needs in mind without sacrificing your own. One of the needs I most seriously neglected was being a man I could respect.…
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/23 11:55 PM
2

Has she told you why she’s not happy? During my marriage, I forgot who I was, flailed around looking for comfort and ended up doing some shitty things and became a totally unappealing partner as a result. It might help to focus on ways you want to improve yourself. I’ve heard it helps. I know from experience that focusing on trying to fix the relationship without reciprocation sped along the demise of my relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/23 11:46 PM
1

Yeah. It’s taken a while to get that through my head, but I’m accepting it now, I think.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/23 07:23 PM
1

Holy shit. Why didn’t I have this sooner?
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/23 12:09 AM
2

I love real experience. I trust it. I studied law and philosophy, so I’m well versed in theory largely being bullshit. I’ve got a lot of stuff to work on in myself, so dating is pretty far from my mind right now. It’s nice to know it’s a possibility, I suppose, but my focus is on my mental health at the moment.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 07:00 PM
1

Yeah, I’m pretty sure mine is CPTSD from child abuse. I was in the beginning stages of exploring that possibility when she dropped the bomb lmao
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 06:49 PM
1

I’ve become aware that a lot of this feeling is unprocessed trauma from a lot of past stuff. I’d been burying it in the relationship instead of dealing with it, which lead to a lot of the issues she cites for the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 06:35 PM
1

It’s a combination of low self-worth, denial and resultant delusion, I think. There’s one specific delusion I was thinking of when I posted this: that deep down, she still loves me and that I can get through to that part of her.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 06:08 PM
1

That’s possible. I’m no expert. I’ve mostly read Epictetus, and he mostly says to suck it up when you feel bad about things outside of your control iirc
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 05:30 PM
3

Every time I see someone advocate stoicism, I get cautious. I know it’s popular right now, but in its original form, it’s often damagingly wrong about how emotions work. Your last two bullet points reassured me, though. I have a ton of trouble with the emotions, personally. It’s way easier to be reasonable and compassionate with someone else. With myself, I tend to be extremely brutal in an unhelpful way.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 04:38 PM
2

Sure. I’m asking about which actions sound scary. I get that the state of mind is scary and unhealthy. That’s why I’m asking about it. I’m having trouble moving through the emotions, but changing my actions might be easier.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 04:19 PM
2

She asked me for changes, and I mostly implemented them. Some of them were big and I backslid here and there, but I put in effort and made progress. I begged her to join me for couples counseling or even regular talks about how to improve the relationship. She did nothing. We made agreements about things like divying up chores or managing the budget together and she never did her part.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 04:06 PM
1

Which part is scary? The gifts? We’re birdnesting, so we split the marital home. I leave a small bag of gummy bears at her traditional spot at the dinner table when I leave sometimes. I’m not stalking her or anything.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 04:04 PM
2

I know this is the path. It’s been hard to get started and be consistent about it, but I guess it’s still early days, and she kept dangling the carrot of reconciliation for months and then withdrawing it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 04:03 PM
1

Oh, man. It’s been trending ever lower. That’s a big part of why I’m stuck on her, I think.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 03:51 PM
3

Honestly, no.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 02:20 PM
3

I’m really trying. I know I need to. I’m just stuck in this obsession.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 01:55 PM
1

What caused you to change your mind? How did your wife act during the split?
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 07:55 AM
8

This is very helpful. I really appreciate it. This is the second time tonight the negative traits list has come up. I’m gonna try it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 07:01 AM
1

I love that attitude. Please keep it up. I’m rooting for you.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 07:00 AM
2

This is helpful. We have a two-year-old.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 06:51 AM
1

How long did it take you? I’m struggling.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 05:34 AM
2

I’m sorry you’re in this phase of things. I know this confusion and pain. I was in a similar spot. Indulging it and reasoning from it lead me to some very damaging choices. It did not get me what I wanted and, in fact, probably pushed it further away. I recommend seeking as much outside help as possible. Try to find dispassionate perspectives with experience or expertise. Focus on being the best version of yourself you can be during this without regard to what your wife decides or does. It’s har…
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 01:41 PM
6

Mutual dishonesty and spying killed my relationship. I’d air this out if possible.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/23 12:16 AM
6

That anger needs to be addressed. The best legal moves are made dispassionately even when that move is to appear impassioned. This is a strategic game. Consult an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 01:55 AM
6

Hey, that’s my anniversary with my ex, too. How about that. You’re in the very early stages of this, given she hasn’t even filed yet. It will hurt incredibly and it will feel like the hurt will never pass, but it will slowly. Gather a support network. If you don’t already have one in terms of existing social ties, search for a divorce support groups. You’re going to need a lot of help to get through this. Lean on them. You will get through it, though. I’m sorry this happening to you, but you can…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 10:19 PM
3

It sounds like you miss your relationship working. To me, that sounds like a desire to make the relationship work. That points toward trying, not divorce. I’d go for counseling if she’s willing. Of course, you can’t make a relationship work alone. It’s important to focus on your part. Figure out what you’re contributing to the dysfunction and address it. If she follows suit, great! If not, divorce may be the move. And yes, kids are resilient, but the numbers don’t lie. Divorce is bad for kids. T…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 07:20 PM
5

I poked the bear.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 03:32 AM
1

I was extremely angry for a long, long time. I still am probably half the time I think of her. It gets toxic for me really fast. But it is indeed better than despair.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 06:28 AM
2

It does get better. God damn is it slow, but it does. I’m so sorry. This is very similar to what happened to me.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 09:03 PM
2

This is very familiar. I’m trying to stop, but the thought is pretty persistent.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 06:11 PM
4

That I will. God, I hate the journey, but it’s either stay here or get better. And here is unacceptable.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 06:08 PM
3

Honestly, I think having kids changes their brains really radically. She’s just not the same person she was.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 05:56 PM
2

Oh no. There are two children involved. ETA - otherwise, I do think this is exactly on point.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 05:47 PM
3

I have faith we’ll get through this. At least we’re not alone.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 03:56 PM
2

I’ll try that. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 02:42 PM
2

Yeah, that’s insane to me. No gray at all. I think you’re right, though.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 02:39 PM
2

Yeah, I guess I need to stop trying to force it. Reconciliation won’t happen that way. If it ever does happen, I wouldn’t trust it until well into the process anyway. I especially wouldn’t trust if it felt like she were placating me or giving in. I have trouble crying. God knows I could use it, though.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 02:38 PM
1

This is beautiful. Luckily, I’ve been sober for over a decade, so that part is old hat. The porn bit - why would that help? I genuinely don’t get it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 02:37 PM
2

You’re right, and I appreciate the encouragement.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 02:35 PM
5

Thank you. I’ll try to be patient with myself.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 12:30 PM
1

I overstated my case, but this, combined with ample evidence about the benefits of two-parent households for kids, is my basis: https://medium.com/the-knowledge-of-freedom/single-father-households-do-vastly-better-than-single-mother-heres-the-real-reason-why-8a7fd7c5611d#:~:text=For%20example%2C%20studies%20have%20found,14%20times%20more%20likely%20to
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 11:37 PM
1

Ok good.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 03:06 AM
1

Ohhhhh. I read that sentence wrong. My brain parsed it as “$200k shared bank account”.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 02:25 AM
5

Also, at two days sober, there is no way you are capable of making sane, reasonable, healthy choices. Get a neutral advisor, ideally a sponsor, but a therapist or a lawyer works, too.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 01:47 AM
6

Absolutely stop throwing your kid under the bus as some kind of sacrifice to your low self-esteem. Your wife is an adult and can make her own choices, but abandoning your kid for the sake of some bullshit martyrdom is incredibly selfish. Cut it out. The number one predictor of person’s future emotional and practical success is how involved their dad was in their life.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 01:45 AM
0

$200k in the bank & paycheck to paycheck Those two are opposites.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 01:41 AM
2

Well, I’m glad you’ve found such an excellent resource.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 05:09 PM
2

Your lawyer may be lovely, but her incentives are to increase her bills. I strongly recommend a professional with more neutral incentives. It’s good you have legal help, and of course her experience is valuable. However, her incentives can’t help but inform her perspective.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 05:05 PM
1

I know Reddit loves ending relationships. I’m significantly inclined toward the other side. Maybe a separation - a real separation - is the move here. I would rely on a professional or an experienced friend to help you find the path forward.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 04:55 PM
3

It sounds like he has a lot to work on, and he needs to do the work regardless of whether or not you are there. People usually abuse others because of their own unresolved traumas. That takes a lot of effort to make progress on, and it’s tempting to avoid it instead of address it until leaving it unaddressed becomes intolerably painful. You leaving might be the catalyst he needs to work on it. Coming back might negate that. He probably believes right now that he has made a 180. He might have. He…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 04:32 PM
7

I was actually thinking of it from the other side. I’m an attorney. I just had a client who was insistent she didn’t want to appeal change her mind on day 29. The scramble to get it done almost killed me. But this is also true.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 09:37 PM
6

Remember your lawyer will also have to draft your appeal or get an extension to file during that time. I’d act fast if possible.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 09:22 PM
8

If I were in your position and I could afford it, I would absolutely appeal. Any chance that I could get more time with my kids is enough chance to try.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 09:20 PM
2

People with serious trauma can get like this in intimate relationships. I have done this. Sometimes it is worse the more I love the person. I am terrified of being abandoned. The terror becomes overwhelming and it shifts to anger just because I can’t handle the intensity of the fear anymore. Then the terror at losing the other person becomes anger at the other person for being the source of the terror. When that happens, I lash out. This is not an excuse. Adults are responsible for getting the m…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 04:35 PM
1

I hope it was helpful. We’ve got a long road ahead of us, but we’ll get through it. Most people don’t get how bad these childhood wounds fuck a person up, but some people do. We’re here, and we do get better. It’s not our fault, but we are responsible for dealing with it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 09:52 AM
2

First, it’s over. I’m so sorry for your loss and your pain. They’re real, and you don’t deserve them. But it’s happening now, and you can’t change it. I have similar diagnoses, two ex wives and two little kids to boot. I get it. CPTSD is no joke. However, the instinct to try to create a surrogate parent relationship - to get someone to take care of you - is toxic and just keeps you trapped in the same cycle. You don’t need to find someone to take care of you. No one will ever be able to fill tha…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/23 08:06 PM
4

I get a lot of comments now that I look older than I am. I guess the divorce did a number on me. Maybe it’s time to take a break and establish a skincare routine or something ¯_(ツ)_/¯
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 02:23 PM
7

First of all, you need to talk to a lawyer stat. It’s time to get aggressive. It is possible you could hit her with a kidnapping charge even if you’re not a resident of the state.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 09:12 AM
9

I would try in his situation, but that’s not really relevant to your situation. I’m not him. If he’s not willing to try, the relationship is over. I tried to fight something similar recently and all it did was prolong my pain.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 02:22 AM
1

Congratulations on your practical freedom. Keep on doing the work for emotional and spiritual freedom. This is the kind of energy we need here.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/23 07:09 PM
2

You call yourself and idiot and pathetic. Neither is true. Integrity, sacrifice and devotion are deeply masculine virtues. You’re just using them on the wrong person. It’s a mistake, not an impeachment of who you are or a demonstration that you’re weak or bad. Quite the contrary. I admire your character in this. Don’t let it burn you, though. You are strong enough to do the right thing for your future. You’re a good man. It’s not your fault she doesn’t value that. My DMs are open if you want to …
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 05:05 PM
7

Promised to put effort into improving the relationship. Barely tried for all of ten days and then declared she wanted a divorce. Came halfway back and agreed to go to discernment counseling about it. Went nowhere. Admitted no responsibility for anything. Left again. Came a quarter of the way back and said she could imagine a way forward. I asked her to think about what that looked like for her. Followed up a few days later to ask her thoughts. She denied ever saying it in the very same messenger…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 03:34 PM
5

Her parents trained her to be like this. Don’t feel bad for them.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 03:31 PM
2

Dig it. I’ll do that.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 11:14 PM
1

What’s that?
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 11:09 PM
4

That’s true. The grouping is the problem here. I’ll work on that perspective.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 11:05 PM
1

I’m happy to report that I’m wise enough not to believe these ideologies. At least, I think I am. I do need to get back to meditation.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 11:04 PM
2

This is insightful. I do tend to romanticize and idealize people. I have a much better relationship with men than women. Childhood shit.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 11:03 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter