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taon4r5 Archive

View 6 posts and 115 comments by taon4r5 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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4

Good point. Today is all. Every good today can make for a better tomorrow, if I'm fortunate enough to have tomorrows. This is a good reminder to get some real mindfulness into my life, as things have been a heavy dose of WHAT NOW, WHAT NEXT? for so long.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/07/16 02:52 PM
6

I'm looking forward to rebuilding my true self. Honestly, a lot of the changes she brought about it in me -- even though they were from emotional manipulation, neglect, and my own desperation for love and approval -- were good. I became a better man through the process, and I've conducted myself heroically through her cancer journey and right up to present. I have every reason to be proud of my integrity and solid performance. Once I get through the "sigh THIS is my life now" time and into "woo!…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/07/16 02:05 PM
2

The memorial service was excellent. I kept thinking -- wow, she did a great job ... and then realized I did the whole thing. Yay, me. The only botch ended up being humourous. I made a 42-minute "face movie" in Picasa, with about 1200 pictures. I sat through the whole thing before rendering to make sure there were no inappropriate or overly embarrassing images in it. At least I thought I did. Somehow, a batch of naked-in-the-bathtub (but mostly covered up) pics from our honeymoon ended up in ther…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/07/16 01:40 PM
2

I've been a better dad to him than I thought I could be. And stronger through this than I would have thought possible. There's a lot of self improvement left to do, and I'm excited about the possibilities. Thank you for the valuable feedback and I wish you well on your continued journey.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/06/16 12:24 PM
3

Well said. Thank you.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/06/16 11:34 AM
2

Instead of the rock, I chose the oak example often cited here. The national advocate for her flavour of cancer liked it so much when I used it in a post, they made it into a graphic for their social media campaign. I had to suppress saying "hey, thanks for citing me as an example of a great partner -- got that line from the red pill guys."
/r/MarriedRedPill04/06/16 03:36 AM
5

At the rate she's declining (new development tonight is that her one remaining kidney has hydronephrosis and she's swelling up like a water balloon), 8 years would be a medical miracle. But, we'll blow up that bridge when we get to it. Right now she's being sweet as pie. Fentanyl and oxy pie sprinkled with aromatase inhibitors and bisphosphates. Anyway, I barely have time to sleep and do yard work -- pursuing outside romance right now would be as likely as taking flying lessons ... Sounds exciti…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/06/16 03:34 AM
1

Yeah, that's about it. Boy loves his mom and she loves him. And as I said, MRP has made things better, so the tension and friction that was present for so long is not what it used to be. She was shitty to me for a long time for exactly the reasons that are detailed here every single day. Her personality plus my BP behaviour led her to be a bitch and led me to take it and amp up my dysfunctional efforts. Change me, change the marriage. Just how it's supposed to be, no?
/r/MarriedRedPill04/06/16 02:22 AM
1

To me, the Nice Guy mistake would be giving of myself to my own detriment with the covert contract being IF I can give her enough now, THEN she'll finally validate me. Naw, I'm past that. Visiting her in the hospital, she was in pain and doped up and just unpleasant to be around. And I let her know -- hey, I'm not here to put up with shit. If I'm going to come to help, don't disrespect me. Yeah, I can be empathetic, and pain doesn't usually make people sweet and friendly, but I'm not going to be…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/06/16 02:19 AM
3

I'm not exactly sure what I was asking. Most of what intended to say was about MRP being an asset in dealing with things over the past year. Though I didn't exploit it in the way it is usually intended, it gave me tools to find my own ground and voice at a time when I needed it. There are lessons here I wish I'd learned years earlier. I'm not going to get angry about that any more -- sometimes you just don't know what you don't know. But this stuff has, despite all the shit the haters throw at i…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/06/16 02:10 AM
2

I read your post and found it inspiring. I know there's a new chapter of my life on the other side of this. I try not to dwell on it, though. Fantasizing about the life I'll have afterward is a distraction from the life I need to live now. For now, I lead my family, treat my wife with respect while maintaining my own integrity, and overall try to do things my future self will be proud of.....or at least not ashamed of. I have every good reason to go off the rails and self-destruct out of stress …
/r/MarriedRedPill04/06/16 01:59 AM
1

You may very well be right about how it would've turned out if roles were reversed. I think MRP has turned things around to a large degree. In living more for me and dropping the martyr-for-her positioning, she seems to have actually gained respect and admiration for me. But I don't pretend it's perfect or ideal or even great. I've accepted that it won't be. Doesn't mean I'm going to be an ass to her out of spite, but I'm not going to try to woo her with romance either.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/06/16 01:51 AM
2

Thanks for the reference. My future life is going to be awesome. Just gotta keep crawling through hell and I'll get there when it's time.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/06/16 01:45 AM
1

Realizing I would do fine or better without her let me call her bluff when she threatened divorce. Following the example of others here, I told her plainly, fine, get the papers. Not what she was used to from me. She was used to me crying and pleading. Instead, I kept it short and tight and didn't argue or waver. Miracle strikes and she's better and wants out? Hey, dear, good luck with that. I'll be here raising my son.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/06/16 01:42 AM
4

Yup, I haven't forgotten that. And when it comes up, I'm not shy to remind her that she's, as of her last official update, not interested in working on the marriage. What's changed since then? I've worked on me and changed the way I interact with her. Strange how she treats me a lot better when I stand my ground, lead by example and replace unattractive behaviours with masculine, attractive ones.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/06/16 01:37 AM
2

Thanks, man. It's tough to feel like in doing anything special when the minutes tick by and I just make do. But I know I will look back on this as an epic journey and I want to be proud of how I handled it. Excellent point on the benefits etc. I have been looking into that this week. She needs a will and we need to double check all the beneficiaries to ensure things are as smooth as possible at the end. An awkward conversation for sure but one that needs to happen.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/06/16 11:28 PM
2

Thanks for all the replies, guys. I'll get through them with some thoughts once little dude gets to bed. Greatly appreciated.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/06/16 10:11 PM
2

Sea King helicopter, not speaking helicopter, for those doing their own after-post research.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/05/16 02:19 PM
2

I've never understood nor used the snooze button. Seems like a recipe for disaster.
/r/MarriedRedPill31/12/15 01:44 AM
2

A DMX party definitely sounds like more fun than a DMV party.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/11/15 02:58 AM
2

"Mistakes were made" is about as passive and responsibility-avoiding as you can get. If you're stating a plain fact, just tell it like it is in plain language. If you're giving an opinion, "I believe" or "I think" is preferable to "I feel" unless it's something like "I feel sick" or "I feel full" or "I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight, chicken tonight." Please and thank you don't make you a weak being, but may need to be dropped for urgency or to underscore a command.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/11/15 05:18 PM
2

If what you are meaning to say is "eat exactly what I say you are allowed to eat or I am ending the marriage," then what you said was not explicit at all. Dumb way to end a marriage, I think, but it doesn't matter what I think. If that's the ground you're standing on, it's your call.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/10/15 11:28 PM
2

IIRC, you pledged to end the relationship if she didn't stick to the diet you gave her. That's what you told us you told her. So, are you holding to that boundary or not?
/r/MarriedRedPill16/10/15 11:37 PM
5

To be accurate, they successfully do it that often. Men are better at finishing the job, that's at least very clear.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/10/15 03:31 PM
6

How did you handle it? I think the answer from most around here would be that they read the course prerequisites, read through the whole subreddit and started taking care of business at home. If you're not up for that, I don't reckon you'll get a lot of positive feedback.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/09/15 05:57 PM
0

That quote keeps popping up whenever I catch myself slouching lately. NIPPLES...HEADLIGHTS...GOT IT. Live life tits-first.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/09/15 05:46 PM
1

In the words of Ayn Rand, "AWALT."
/r/MarriedRedPill29/09/15 01:38 AM
2

Playing videogames and watching movies aren't "advances."
/r/MarriedRedPill23/09/15 07:42 PM
2

Don't make the mistake of believing that if these people understand the mechanics of what you're doing, what you're doing will work better. No. That's not how it works. You no more need to explain it than a taxi driver needs to explain the mechanics of an internal combustion engine to his passengers.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/09/15 07:30 PM
2

I hear where you're coming from, man. My wife has complications and side-effects from gynecological cancer, related surgeries, treatments, etc. Mine's not bounced back in the drive department ... she's pretty devastated by it all. I don't have much advice beyond what the others have said here. Keep on being the best you can be, and give her every reason to want to be sexual with you when she's able to. Sounds like the two of you are doing very well with it all, given the circumstances.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/09/15 05:21 PM
2

Yeah, this. Short of laying out some kind of boundary -- I'm sure it wouldn't be productive to say "if you're not back in an hour, I'm leaving the kids in the driveway and going to the gym" -- that's just a fact of life. Out shopping? Oh, I didn't realize this other thing I needed to do was nearby...I'll just take care of that... oh, and we need this other thing, too. That won't take long. What, I've been gone three hours? Darnit. Hee hee. Not that it doesn't get on my nerves sometimes, but I've…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/09/15 05:05 PM
0

Spanking a two-year-old? WTF? If that were working, would you need to keep doing it?
/r/MarriedRedPill09/09/15 03:32 PM
3

That's what grown-ups do: eat the short-term distress for the long-term gain. Okay, so this dinner out was ruined. But the ones going forward will be better. That's a win.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/09/15 03:28 PM
1

I misunderstood, then. I thought "preselection game in front of your wife" was simply higher-order dread game.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/08/15 09:52 PM
2

Nice story, but where's the preselection angle? I was anticipating the part where you explained that she was into you because she knew you'd already been vetted by the sisterhood?
/r/MarriedRedPill15/08/15 02:09 PM
1

Thanks, man. Well said.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/08/15 01:26 AM
2

I'm dealing with this, and early. Wife has ovarian cancer, and had radical hysterectomy, so she has surgically-induced menopause in her mid-30s. HRT is not an option because the tumors are estrogen-senstitive -- she's actually on hormone blockers. So, dryness, atrophy, pain, dead sex drive, depression, etc. -- yeah, seeing it all, on top of the PTSD-ness of this shitstorm journey. If anyone has input on the phenomenon of "already non-sexual wife transitions to sex-feels-like-traumatic-injury" in…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/07/15 06:09 PM
1

If 'good beta' is providing a feeling of security, IMHO, living a debt-laden life is anything but. Living well and debt-free is the most secure. Living paycheque to paycheque (Canadian) with foreclosure or repossession just a few missed payments away is the opposite. I don't know how you show her that she can have toys or can sleep well, but that's what it can come down to. It's said that money fights and money problems are the leading cause of divorce. (MRP theory may dispute that, of course.) …
/r/MarriedRedPill22/07/15 05:58 PM
1

I've been curious about this, too. Just because I'm taking charge and leading shouldn't mean I'm now the one who does everything. I've never had practice at delegating, and I suspect the key is in that.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/07/15 09:54 PM
1

I've been trying to teach the lesson of "if you want me to do something, just ask" lately, too, and I'm either doing it wrong or my wife is locked in her own stubborn mindset about it. I haven't been giving lectures like the one in this post, but I've deliberately avoided go-fetch mode if she just states a problem or fact and not a request. "That bag needs to come inside." "My windows are rolled down and it's going to rain." "It's almost suppertime." Etc.... I've tried to make it clear that reas…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/07/15 07:38 PM
2

Using the gear ... on the gas ... got it :) Yeah, y'know, I think the 'dealing with alphas' thing is part of this RP journey. NMMNG showed me that my lifelong prejudices against manly men were a bullshit self-affirmation mechanism. I realize I need to be around guys more often, preferably guys who give a shit about themselves. Thanks for the insight.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/07/15 06:54 PM
1

Short fat guy, 41, and look like I either don't belong in a gym or seriously need to be in a gym. My gym has limited barbell facilities -- looks like one squat rack, a Smith machine and perhaps another barbell on a rubber mat. Being gym-inexperienced and unreasonably intimidated by the muscled dudes using the gear when I arrive, I've deferred to using dumbbells... as I don't know the proper way to say, "Excuse me, beast man. Can the round guy get a turn to lift a mostly-empty bar?" Much like ask…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/07/15 04:08 PM
2

Perhaps the "asshole" thing to have done would be to tell your wife that the story is complete bullshit to begin with. See Snopes: http://www.snopes.com/glurge/carry.asp
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/15 03:41 PM
2

I wish you the best in your fix-up efforts. Realizing that it's your job to fix your stuff is an excellent start. Remember at this point: you can't always make something better, but you can almost always make something worse. If all you can manage right now is to not do stupid, destructive things you can't take back....that's a start.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/06/15 04:12 PM
7

As a "long time lurker," I guess you can anticipate some brutal honesty here. You're burying the lead, as they say. I don't like my wife's choice in entertainment. Oh, and our home life is so atrocious that I'm actively searching for prostitutes. But how should I react to my wife reading People Magazine? Your foundation walls are crumbling and you're asking about paint colours. Again, none of my business -- but since calling people on their shit is de rigeur here, I thought I might as well.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/06/15 04:03 PM
3

... and I don't mean to pry, but I see your other threads are involving you setting up a deal with an escort for some sex work. How's that meshing with your frame and SMV work in terms of improving things with your wife?
/r/MarriedRedPill26/06/15 03:45 PM
2

You're not in the business of vetting what should or should not be entertaining to your spouse. She wants to listen to top 40? Fine. "I think that shit is terrible, but if it makes you happy, crank it up.....for a while." Srsly, unless it's something that really, really bothers me, I'm happy that my wife has stuff that makes her happy. Making her feel bad for enjoying what she enjoys is no kind of victory.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/06/15 03:42 PM
2

Will it change the relationship? Probably. Will it change her? As others have pointed out here, don't expect it to. But it's fair to say that you can make changes that will alter the relationship. Whether it will make it better or hasten an inevitable end will depend on how you carry things out and whether you each have what it takes. Will it make any real lasting change? Sure, I think that's fair to say.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/06/15 04:12 PM
4

I come away from reading this thinking that a weak A&A makes you look more ridiculous than a strong shutting-the-fuck-up. She tries to bait you by poking a hole in your I AM THE AWESOME HUSBAND balloon, and you keep taking the bait, thinking that you win by proving her wrong. I'm reminded of that old (from the BP school) line: Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy? Really, do you want to show off how goddamned smart and clever you are for some reason, or would you be better of shut…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/06/15 07:48 PM
1

No shit. Now how about a comprehensive red pill seminar?
/r/MarriedRedPill19/06/15 10:18 PM
2

Only a matter of time before someone appropriates the BP angle for overt monetization.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/06/15 06:04 PM
2

"That's a good start."
/r/MarriedRedPill12/06/15 05:03 PM
1

Yup. I think I landed here from there....somehow.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/06/15 06:20 PM
1

Are there TRP texts which are not considered part of the MRP canon?
/r/MarriedRedPill06/06/15 06:41 PM
2

And lest OP get the wrong message by missing a vital subtlety... ... making decisions and taking leadership doesn't mean blocking out everything she says just because you've decided to take ownership of a project or decision. She's your FO, and may very well have something valuable to add. She says the pool liner is pooched, you say you're going to handle it, and y'know what? She might actually know something about pool liners and have a good observation or suggestion. Don't shut her out just be…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/06/15 04:39 PM
3

I think you need to drop the "she's full of shit, pissing me off, and I'm going to show HER" attitude before things will improve. It's sounding like you're giving her "no" out of frustration, not leadership or self-control. If the way you're explaining yourself appears this pissed-off and grumpy, I'd expect the way she hears it is even worse, and you're ended up making it worse instead of calmly and succinctly laying down sensible boundaries. You don't want to hear that bullshit? Make real chang…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/06/15 02:39 PM
8

I might be missing how this is complicated. Sounds like she wants to know in advance if you're not going to be home when ordinarily expected, so she can make adequate plans comfortably. Not to control or oppress you, but to be looped in on the action.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/06/15 03:17 AM
6

Looks like your lawyers will be doing some business over the coming months. Does she talk like she writes? My sympathies go out to both of you.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/06/15 07:51 PM
1

Glad I could say something useful. Do what you do out of love -- love for yourself, love for her, love for what you will one day become. If you do things to the top of your character, you won't have to look back with regret on challenging times. You'll be able to move forward with the knowledge that you did the best you could have with the knowledge you had.....even if, in hindsight, you were an idiot at the time. EDIT: ... and I definitely know that I've been an idiot plenty of times in my life…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/06/15 06:03 PM
3

It's not a national outlet -- single-city mid-afternoon talk radio. I'm honestly not familiar with who the bigger personalities would be, and I'm specifically interested in talking about the married side of things. I think it would hit our target demo right in the....target.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/06/15 04:31 PM
1

Given the prevailing premise here that men and women are psychologically different, especially WRT sex, I don't think MRP holds the answers you're seeking. But FWIW, finding ways to help him feel like a man again could yield results. Make sure he feels competent, appreciated, valued, needed, respected, social and desirable and that he's taking care of the family .... which is all easier said than done in the situation you've described. You're doing good things for your family with the unfortunat…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/06/15 04:18 PM
2

Yup, no voice-disguising, and real names are necessary. If no one's able to step up at that level, it'll probably end up being the host giving his understanding of MRP, and opening up the phone lines, which wouldn't be so bad as long as the host has an adequate understanding of the content.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/06/15 04:09 PM
3

That's a good way to highlight the difference. It's not really passive-aggressive if the target of the behaviour is told what's expected. It's frustratingly passive-aggressive if someone just does something weird hoping the other person will deduce what their perceived transgression is and correct it.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/06/15 03:40 PM
1

I feel your angst, sir. I met my wife at the end of my 20s when I was emerging from a few years of irresponsible stonerism. Now we're married homeowners with a toddler, and I'm in management. Smartened up to reality way too late in life. Long-time dead bedroom made worse by treatment for cancer that'll eventually kill her, and she's likewise barely able to keep up at home due to the after-effects, mental health, and weight. It feels like there aren't hours in the day to do the stuff I have to do…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/06/15 03:07 PM
4

Withdrawing attention to achieve an end, from what I've understood here, is SOP in the MRP playbook. I don't see how it should be clever when we do it and "passive aggressive bullshit" when she does it. Difference is, as I see it, you're fully aware of it and can handle accordingly. You want to confront it appropriately and lay out your expectations? Okay. You want to go fully OI about it? Be honest with yourself about whether you can do it, or whether you'd just be resentfully white-knuckling i…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/06/15 02:44 PM
1

Alcohol and lifting don't go together in my world, but I'll look up the meds part. Better safe than in dialysis.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/06/15 10:18 PM
1

Thanks for the inspiring story, rpwhisper. I've been in a gym before -- had a personal trainer for a while when I was in my early 20s and got as close to fit as I've ever been -- but I've never used barbells in a gym. This will be a big learning leap for me, as much from a "how do I get a space and a barbell when all those jacked-up guys seem to be taking up all the space" POV as the how-to-use-a-barbell POV.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/06/15 08:00 PM
2

"Rhabdomyolysis is the breakdown of muscle tissue that leads to the release of muscle fiber contents into the blood." It's murder on the kidneys. Like, can be fatal. Usually restricted to people who really, really, really overdo it.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/06/15 06:45 PM
1

Thanks for the very detailed advice!
/r/MarriedRedPill02/06/15 01:05 PM
3

"If I clean up, she'll clean up too" is just another covert contract. Doing stuff is good. Doing stuff and being overt with your expectations is better.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/06/15 12:00 PM
1

I fully expect her to mock me, rightfully so considering my past hot and cold relationship with fitness. Actions speak. If I fail this time, it's all on me.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/06/15 09:27 PM
1

Strong lifts has appealed to me and is well spoken of....and I love the idea of having something on my phone to say Do This Next. My gym has only Dumbbells according to its advertising to it may not work -- and I know deadlifts and squats are Big Deals. I will find a system that works.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/06/15 09:26 PM
1

Looking forward to sore muscles for sure. I miss that. I do tend to hurt my joints, based on past exercise attempts. Knees and shoulders. Going to be a fine line between going hard enough that I'm not making excuses for not trying harder, and trying. So hard that I hurt myself.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/06/15 09:15 PM
7

Just left Walmart with a pack of shirts, pack of socks and two pairs of shorts. And a manlier smelling antiperspirant than I've used in years. One excuse shot down.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/06/15 07:55 PM
1

Oh, it's a laughable excuse. That's why I included it. Doing anything's better than doing nothing. Whether I went and did all treadmill or went and did all weights, at least I'd be doing something -- I'm just curious whether the LIFT, BRO carries an implied "stop being a big fat fuck, then..." prefix, or if it was a LIFT, BRO, and the fat will follow.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/06/15 06:56 PM
0

Good to know. In all the reading I've done, I'd not seen the "if you are out of shape" proviso. Between you and LaPiluleRouge, that's two for two saying target the fat first, but lift as well. That's a great starting point. Thank you.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/06/15 06:50 PM
-1

Fucking best fucking thing I fucking read fucking anywhere.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/06/15 06:47 PM
8

I have no MRP canon reference for this, but I see it pretty simply: You can't win, but you can lose. IOW, I now understand that I can't expect to impress my wife with manly feats -- IDGAF is the anticipated outcome, so I do good things for me. But I know full well that I'm entirely capable of lowering her view of me. Just like I know that being showered and wearing decent clothes won't make my wife want to fuck me, but I'm damn sure wearing stained clothes and stinking will make her not want to.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/05/15 07:57 PM
1

I'm stumped on this, too. Between work, the kid, house stuff and trying to get close to 8 hours of sleep, I don't have time to do the stuff I have to do, let alone what I want to do. I know other people do it, though, so I'm eager to hear the best practices of others.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/05/15 07:06 PM
3

Everyone needs a hobby. Everyone needs downtime. Every guy needs something that's his thing. I'm not going to go out on a limb and say video games ought to be verboten to a manly man. But I don't buy the equivalency to softball. Softball gets you out of the house, doing something athletic, social, probably among other guys. Video games have you in the house, sedentary, within earshot and eyeballs of someone who sees you sitting there and not doing something else. So, FWIW, I'd put it in the cate…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/05/15 05:35 PM
1

Depends on what your goals are. If you're trying to be a dominant, manly, sexy, desirable, in-control-of-your-shit family leader who makes your wife wet for you ...... does the guy YOU imagine when you imagine that dude play video games very much? If you're trying to be a fun dad whose household works so efficiently that he has ample time to "play" while keeping his wife sexually interested and the home in tip-top-shape, does that version include video games? Is "man who plays video games" compa…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/05/15 05:09 PM
1

So, she fell in love with a gym-going, rock-climbing motorcycle dude...and you think that if you became that guy again, she'd be less inclined to be with you?
/r/MarriedRedPill28/05/15 02:23 AM
2

I'm coming from the other direction. I've had a beard pretty much the whole time. Shaved it one time when I got in half-decent shape some years ago -- couldn't kiss her without her giggling uncontrollably, since it was so different. Personally, in the shape I'm in now, I think I look better with the beard, but I'm looking forward to being able to remove the Mask Of The Fat Man, and will deal with the fallout when that happens.
/r/MarriedRedPill27/05/15 01:57 PM
2

Initiating chores is a win-win -- stuff gets done, gets done to your satisfaction, and the stuff you want to get done gets done before she can begin the nag cycle. But we must never confuse why we're doing it -- always because we see it needs to be done, never to impress her or incur an attaboy. Any improvement in her attitude is a pleasant coincidental byproduct, not an intended end product of the choredoing.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/05/15 06:08 PM
1

Good post! I'd love to see more on safely and effectively applying MRP in mental illness situations....even major illness in general.
/r/MarriedRedPill25/05/15 11:33 PM
2

I hear you! I hope your family is well. They told us cancer would be hard on the marriage but I didn't expect it to go this way. It can make small fissures in a relationship crack wide open.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/05/15 11:00 PM
2

Good for you, man. I've been seeing my wife thru cancer for 2+ years and have not been nearly as good at the self-preservation.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/05/15 07:43 PM
2

Well, you usually shut up at home. Then you come here and complain about this issue with your wife.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/05/15 05:22 PM
1

Apples and donuts. It's a set of tools that men may choose to use to change the way they interact with the world. If people want to call it a philosophy, praxeology, proctology, applied secular interactive paradigm or dogmatic sex strategy, it's a wordfight. Personally, I see it as a dog's breakfast of self-improvement wisdom applied to a particular set of interactions. But I'm not a philosopher, praxeologist, philatelist or ornithologist.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/05/15 03:01 PM
2

No, I'm the guy with the cancer wife and the baby. I basically say I have x that I'd like to do....does that work? She's cool with whatever, as long as I don't sound like I'm asking permission. She made this clear before I discovered MRP.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/05/15 10:46 AM
1

Chalk it up to it seeming like a very wise move at the time, which it was.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/05/15 11:12 PM
1

Paying off all the debt in the house because it fits your mission and Must Be Done doesn't strike me as BP. It's good for the household and ultimately good for you as it increases your wealth. Paying off someone else's debt because you think it'll make you look like a hero and earn brownie points is nothing BUT BP. Paying off her student loan debt because it will silence all the nattering about how scary the debt is and how are we ever going to get ahead, woe is me .... well, I dunno. At what pr…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/05/15 08:19 PM
1

That's news to me. My understanding of student loan debt is that it's not ... what's the word ... spouse-inheritable. Practically, though, if you're together, that's $x out of the household budget to pay the sucker off.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/05/15 07:39 PM
5

I suspect it's just my different culture talking, but dude, grow up and get over it or get out if it bothers you that much. No matter how much you grind yourself or her up about it, it won't change the past -- it won't. It just won't change. This only matters to you because it matters to you. Can I put it any more simply? You've now devolved into building a whole philosophy about the "LIE OF OMISSION" being the great destroyer and your fixation on how she was 'practically' naked with someone. St…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/05/15 05:38 PM
1

To do so, I'll have to figure out how to a) do it without tipping off my wife, as I don't want to break kayfabe in the house (if I may bring pro wrestling jargon into the conversation), and b) do it without compromising my existing web presence ... I have a rather public job, and would need to layer some appropriate disclaimers so as not to bury myself to those who aren't up for hearing the material.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/05/15 03:15 PM
1

Note as I'm watching: Why a video? Why not a podcast? This is a guy talking with a barely-related slideshow on top. Perhaps this is part of a genre of 'video' I'm not aware of. Video starts off the top assuming the viewer has prior knowledge: Mig-tao? Sandman? Merpers? As episode zero, the origin story, the launching point, it's absolutely baffling. If you're going to do this regularly, invest in better recording technology; if you must use a phone to record, find a way to not touch and handle t…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/05/15 02:44 PM
5

I've noticed a greater internal piece in this regard. If it's really a big deal, it's worth speaking up about. Otherwise, I just do the stuff without expecting to be praised for it....which is how it should've been all along, of course. For me, this part hasn't been about making things better for the marriage, but has paid off well internally. The wife-is-impressed part is just a pleasant side effect.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/05/15 10:47 PM
1

Fair 'nuff!
/r/MarriedRedPill13/05/15 06:22 PM
2

I suspect having a new "gf" after two years of "dry spell" is a different mindset than .... married, which is what this sub is, no? The rest of us don't have the option of telling our "gf" to go home.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/05/15 04:32 PM
1

If you're talking about haircuts in that zone, I'm on the fence about whether to endorse or not. Eh, whatever works.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/05/15 04:49 PM
1

Saw a good post on attachment theory here recently, and one line jumped out at me ... it was about raising kids, but perhaps someone skilled on the matter could adapt it ... it said, in essence, never discipline a child that actually needs comforting. One of those things that makes obvious sense, but when it's said, sounds so profound. Giving your wife a shit-test response when she legitimately needs to be reassured that you're her oak could predictably lead to declining returns.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/05/15 04:44 PM
8

Hey, if she likes doing it ... does a good job ... and gives you a haircut that she actually digs ... where's the negative? She gets to feel like she's taking care of you, and you get to look good at no cost. Now, if she's doing it to mommy you and makes you look like a dork so no other woman will want you, then you're free to go outside the relationship for a haircut and run some coiffure dread game. Otherwise, it sounds as sweet as having her cook you good meals every night and wonder whether …
/r/MarriedRedPill11/05/15 03:48 PM
1

Yes, one small episode. The win is that that you just went ahead and DID the stuff without ever saying "I'm going to...." or "I just did....." Doing it because it needed to be done and you were able to do it -- period. The mistake would be making some kind of causal link between doing housework and getting the BJ. And even if there was one this time, don't go thinking that you can turn one into the other. I mean, I've been doing the same thing lately -- unload the dishwasher, mop the floor, what…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/05/15 04:35 PM
4

And what kinds of captainy things have you been doing in this storm? Glad it's working for you and your family.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/05/15 02:17 AM
8

I realize I'm no expert on this stuff ... but I fail to see what OP is trying to accomplish with this unprovoked lecture to his wife. I don't follow how this will improve anything.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/04/15 03:07 PM
2

The post you're quoting from was about a week before I read NMMNG. That book has been one helluva eye-opener for me and has helped reframe the past ten years of my behaviour. In short, I was doing it all wrong and actively creating the problems I was complaining about. Covert contracts aplenty and a near-complete sublimation of my own needs and character in hopes of martyring myself into a good situation. My eyes have been opened to this 'Oak' thing. But I'm still not going to be an asshole who …
/r/MarriedRedPill20/04/15 05:38 PM
1

Your 'one hand' points are correct. On your 'other hand' assertion, to avoid that being a bullshit cop-out to clear your on conscience, ask yourself whether you handled the 'withholding' properly in the first place. If you were doing everything right and still got no results, you'll come to a different conclusion than if you were whining the whole time, or non-initiating, or expecting sex as a reward for being a good boy, etc. If things were bad enough to cheat, things were bad enough to talk ab…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/04/15 05:25 PM
2

Nuance it all you want, then. Going a year without sex is the only fact we have, without nuance: what was he doing to make sex likely in the first place? Sitting back and waiting? Having earnest discussions with progress? Or just whining? So, go ahead and nuance it, OP. And if you tell your wife some guy on the internet said you should've expected this, maybe she'll understand. Maybe it'll make sense to her that your first big effort to improve the relationship involved getting drunk, getting be…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/04/15 05:15 PM
1

For people prone to having self-control issues, a sudden burst of confidence can lead to a dangerous sense of "expansiveness" ... so, although some people contend that they're prone to doing stupid things when they feel down, feeling unusually up can be just as bad. Look at how many bipolar folks do very destructive things when they're manic. Throw alcohol into the mix, and you're doubling your odds of doing something dumb. If your goal is to improve your relationship, getting drunk and fooling …
/r/MarriedRedPill20/04/15 03:45 PM
-5

Yes and no. Yes, I need to be strong and help her feel safe, secure, protected, stable, loved, and that everything will be okay with our son when she's gone. But no, I don't think she's trying to shield me from her death. We've been plain, open and real on those issues. On some of her fears, she has been going to people outside the relationship for support, because she didn't trust my ability to give her the same kind of empathy her mom and her female friends do. And to an extent, she's right. I…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/04/15 06:09 PM
0

I'm fine to tell myself "I'm *going to be" ok no matter what," but to tell myself "I'm always ok" is dangerous. I never want to tell myself "whatever I'm doing right now is correct and I'm fine" -- because history has shown that I prone to being a big idiot who uses that kind of self-assured bullshit to do things I later regret. I'm better off acting out of love and the top of my intelligence with mindfulness and tact, and telling myself "this is the best I can do right now."
/r/MarriedRedPill14/04/15 04:09 PM
0

Yeah, this one's a death sentence. It's being managed like a chronic disease, but zero doctors have said this is beatable. While I agree that "we are all dying" can be a motivator for people in general, "my wife is no different" is not a useful part of that sentiment. She's dying in full awareness of every dream which is being shattered before her eyes. She deserves to be cared for properly and in the company of someone she respects and can feel safe with. I want to be that someone again.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/04/15 03:52 PM
0

Excellent notes. I mean, she's told me for ages I should make plans with friends, and carry out my hobbies. It's always so tempting not to, though, when she's burned-out from taking care of the kid with no energy to begin with. But hey, I'm going to give it a go and prove to myself that rocking the boat doesn't mean you're going to fall in the lake and drown.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/04/15 07:47 PM
1

Anything you can pass on from the "if I knew then what I know now, ...." department? Taking on the parent + caregiver role certainly pushed my toxic Nice Guy behaviour to the extreme....how would you have handled it differently given your experience since?
/r/MarriedRedPill13/04/15 06:20 PM
-9

Definitely fucked up. Strangely, as soon as she started to make headway on the dying part, they turned around and said she's not dying as quickly....and she's right bitter about it. And hormonally, she's been in sudden menopause since the surgery, and menopause-plus with the hormone blockers. She went from being a hyper-organized smart cookie to cognitively impaired. Yeah, she's a wreck. One problem I've always had is being empathetic and appropriately supportive. She sees me as a robot in that …
/r/MarriedRedPill13/04/15 06:12 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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