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vaguelinen Archive

View 6 posts and 540 comments by vaguelinen on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
617

SOCIAL GROUP STRATEGYvaguelinen/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 08:22 AM
437

NICE FOR WHAT?vaguelinen/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/22 12:23 PM
436

CULTURAL MISOGYNYvaguelinen/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/22 06:12 PM
75

MOOD FOR LIFEvaguelinen/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 10:05 PM
72

QUEEN SH*Tvaguelinen/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 10:59 PM
33

MALE DEPRAVITYvaguelinen/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 07:01 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
41

You can turn them off. I was getting so many that while it was amusing at first to know I was upsetting the angry little manlets, it soon got repetitive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/22 05:48 AM
53

I like pointing out how gay boxing seems. All that grabbing and touching, get a room lads!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 08:22 PM
174

No, because so many men fail to recognise women’s value beyond what we mean to them. I’m not a sports fan but I love comedy and have made the decision to only watch female comics and listen to women’s podcasts. It’s really helping to reduce the male noise we’re exposed to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 05:44 PM
24

Savannah’s voice is increasingly my inner monologue 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 05:34 PM
6

I’m not totally anti gaming (my boyfriend does a bit) but it’s on a par with sport for the ick when men are being small in their day to day and feeling important with a controller or feel “temporarily adjacently victorious” at genetically superior men doing PE (I love “Sports Go Sports” by Garfunkel and Oates). I don’t mind if you want to race a few cars or catch a game but do it around being an actual man please.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/22 06:43 PM
10

A man who would sign away full custody isn’t HV in my opinion. My ex sees very little of our son and while it’s lovely for me that I essentially have full custody, it’s heartbreaking for our son.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/22 03:14 PM
1

In the UK all residents over 18 have to sign a form promising they’ll leave when the house sells.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/22 06:21 AM
26

I keep getting asked whether my husband will be at the appointment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/22 07:07 AM
100

I love travelling with my son as it’s so relaxed and fun. Once we got caught in awful traffic due to a road closure and missed our ferry. I booked a hotel and we spent a few hours on the beach. We took a ferry the following day. Zero drama. I think a lot of it is due to men not having healthy outlets for stress so they resort to mantrums. When I realised we weren’t going to make the ferry I pulled over to plan. I bought my son an ice cream and myself a coffee. I saw so many men in their cars get…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/22 06:32 AM
25

This is a huge part of it. I’ve lived with two abusive partners but there’s no record of any of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/22 12:13 PM
34

The first time polyamory came up in conversation with my boyfriend he laughed and said he found it hard enough disappointing one woman at a time. I laughed as well but he’s right. He’s doing his absolute best to be a good partner to me and it’s tough. That kind of self-depreciating humour reflects how seriously he takes it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 09:45 PM
55

They really are. I logged on the other day to find a DM from a scrote detailing at length why I was wrong about something and I honestly had no idea what he was on about. Clearly I’d made a manlet triggering comment when reading while waiting for the kettle to boil then forgotten about it. I love you all but I dip in and out around my career, my child, my life (which includes a boyfriend) and really can’t keep track. I hope I can add some value here and there but FDS is >1% of my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 08:25 PM
66

I just remembered a time my ex looked at me all dressed up and asked if I had put on weight. Why I didn’t dump him on the spot, I have no idea 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 04:55 AM
31

The only people I’ve known to pass out and lose all track of time have been the parents of newborns and alcoholics. Everyone else chooses to take a nap/fall asleep. It’s odd it’s become such a common excuse. Or are they all alcoholics?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/22 07:51 AM
30

I think they spend so much time watching porn and playing first person video games that they think we’re non playable characters just wandering around until we’re engaged with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/22 05:48 AM
180

I love how Charlize Theron said she thinks MuRdEr when she walks to give off untouchable energy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/22 05:38 AM
7

Hobbies are so important. Ideally I want them to do something physical and creative.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/22 04:48 PM
15

Far too many times I’ve had quotes for work and when I’ve made my decision it’s been based on the person/team that were able to talk to a woman rather than the price or other factors. I’m moving house and had a very professional contractor and my first step was to reach out and asked if he worked in the new area. I’ll be paying for him to drive a bit further but it’s worth it because I feel safe with his team in the house.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/22 11:48 AM
25

I feel like I have both simultaneously. My ex left three years ago and while I was so scared and upset in the few weeks between him telling me he was going and him leaving, within a week my life was so flipping sparkly. I did up the house, bought him out and built a life with my son. I actually met my boyfriend pretty quickly but I was different and he fit the boyfriend space rather than anything more. I told him I wanted to a wait a year before he met my son. In that year we had a lovely time t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/22 08:50 AM
116

I regret dating poorer men. Just like short men they had such a chip on their shoulder. I really barb the buildered my ex but he never stopped complaining about how hard life was. I’m a woman, the system is built against me and if I can manage, so can they.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/22 07:35 AM
103

My ex did this and made such a thing about him breaking type for me. I’m curvy and they were all petite. I was a total pickme and thought that was a compliment 🤡 It got old really fast and he self-esteem was really hit. I was so wary when it came up naturally that my boyfriends ex wife was a fitness model but he’s never once compared us and as other ex’s have come up in conversation I realised I’ve no idea what any of them looked like.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/22 07:22 AM
117

A special day for me is one where I can pretend my ex doesn’t exist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/22 01:43 PM
185

My boyfriend and I regularly go back to the restaurant where we had our first date. I think it’s quite a common way to celebrate anniversaries and stuff so his argument really doesn’t track.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/22 01:12 PM
223

Something that took me far too long to learn was that men use money to demonstrate their feelings. When I bought my son a bike, my boyfriend asked to pay half so that he could be a part of the experience. He picked it up for me and got a fancy bow for it. When my car was in the garage for a week, he moved in so I could use his. I filled it with petrol as a thank you at the end of the week and he politely asked me never to do that again and that he was happy to support me wherever he could. My fo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/22 11:44 AM
308

He doesn’t sound fit enough for the kind of sex he wants.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/22 06:11 AM
72

Men like this need to master something, to become masterful and then to actually practise the art of seduction. They never seem to consider that she probably has a sexual animal lurking. Another option is to become more attractive. My boyfriend looks insanely hot when he’s just got out of the shower and has a towel tied around his waist. Women are visual creatures so do push-ups every day to get that broad shoulder look that turns us on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/22 05:55 AM
6

Of course they know. I have endometriosis and have had instances where my period wasn’t due for a fortnight but I absolutely flooded and would be floored by the pain. Nobody ever knew.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/22 11:54 AM
61

Wow. Even in my most pickme days I always stayed the night and was given breakfast and either a lift or taxi money home. Never have I ever had sex and not stayed the night. Even at my worst I think I’d have laughed then gone to sleep.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/22 06:37 PM
4

There are two separate issues. The first is that Will Smith was a complete scrote playing alpha and is not to be respected as a man defending his woman. The second is that Chris Rock was hit and I can’t imagine there are many women who didn’t smile at least a little at the smirk at least momentarily being wiped of his face.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 10:37 AM
39

I agree it’s more of an age thing. My boyfriend and I have both smoked weed in the past but neither of us have since we entered our thirties. It’s not something I’m against so much as it just not fitting with the lifestyle I now want.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 10:19 AM
37

The tiny broke ones are the best!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/22 07:54 PM
1

I literally had a conversation in a group yesterday where we were discussing our kids. Another woman whose son has a nut allergy said that the responsibility lies with her (and her son as he gets older) to sensibly navigate a dangerous world. The man in the group was amazed that she wasn’t pushing for the world to be made easier for her. She politely explained that allergen lists etc exist and that she’s not that entitled. My own child has some severe allergies and I agreed it can be really hard…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/22 07:21 AM
12

My boyfriend is divorced. The first story I got was that they grew apart and it was all very amicable. After a year he admitted that the main thing that saw their lives go in different directions was the man she left him for but he bore her no ill will and didn’t like to mention it because she’s a fundamentally good person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/22 06:48 AM
109

That sounds lovely!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/22 03:54 PM
52

Why do so few men like sex? It’s really great, I wish they’d take the time to give it a try. But no it’s all about a narrow element of stimulation for them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/22 06:40 AM
34

Finding a financial advisor is a bit like dating. You need to meet a lot and sift through the poor ones. I’ve met lots of terrible IFAs. A good start would be to get the book, “How to own the world” by Andrew Craig. I manage my own investments but even if you feel paying someone to do it for you is the best approach, this is an easy to read book that covers a lot of key concepts which will help you when vetting IFAs. There’s no hurry to do anything so do your research. (Although if you have over…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 01:06 PM
82

I’d argue the opposite. The wealthiest and most attractive men (not necessarily HVM) have less of the desire to prove they have options. They know they’re desirable to many women so they pick one and pursue her. It’s the ordinary guys jerking off to the chads they aren’t sure whether they want to be or be with who are obsessed with the idea this guy is arguing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 12:59 PM
26

But he’s still going to complain if she takes this as a sign to just stop wearing makeup.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 07:48 AM
85

The “silly” thing is how they test what we’ll accept. Very few abusers go straight in with the big stuff.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 07:40 AM
182

I had such a visceral reaction to this before my brain kicked in screaming no. Even the very best of men who we would marry and reproduce with aren’t worth messing with our savings for. Men are typically awful with money. It’s not their fault, it’s because they’re so emotional and illogical compared to us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/22 09:36 PM
25

I was recommended “Good Pictures, Bad Pictures” on FDS and have read it with my son a few times.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/22 08:14 AM
267

I don’t care what’s normal or common or done by all men or whatever. If I don’t like something, I don’t like it. It’s that simple.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/22 06:42 AM
49

Whenever I hear, “I’m not just trying to get you back on me / ‘Cause I’m missing more than just your body” I roll my eyes at him wanting laundry doing as well as sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 07:02 AM
62

The other day I was early for a meeting so I sat on a bench with my dog and an old man approached. He gestured for me to take out my headphones but ignored him. He got closer, tried to pet my dog (she moved away from him as she shares my dislike of weird old men) and gestured again. I gave him a dirty look for interrupting me, got up and left. God forbid a woman be sat unattended doing her own thing for a few minutes. I used to be far more polite in a respecting the elderly way but it’s always s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 06:58 AM
35

This is how my boyfriend reacts. Obviously I only see when they hit on him when I’m there but he acts like he’s not really aware, be perfectly kind but always get us away. In the bar of a restaurant he asked whether our table was ready and moved us to wait at its entrance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 06:36 AM
60

I’m largely ok with Amy’s other actions. I was rooting for her throughout the book 😁
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/22 11:56 AM
136

“More good women have been lost to marriage than to war, famine, disease and disaster.” Cruella 😎
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/22 11:50 AM
52

I’m a single mum due to a breakup and agree with this. It’s brutal either way but at least going in intentionally means you save on the scrotiness. Incidentally I never found being a single mum put men off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/22 06:17 AM
6

My ex was like this and it was so utterly tedious. I took my boyfriend to a Halloween party last year and had to explain he couldn’t wear a creepy costume but would instead have to make small talk while my son played games and we drank tea. He was amazing and was utterly charming and we all had a good time. I then threw a Birthday party for my son and he helped out like my ex never did. I could never ever go back to being with a grumpy man. Family life is amazing and it’s a privilege to be admit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/22 08:45 PM
99

My ex loved to say that I chose him. Hands down the dodgiest sales pitch of my life!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/22 09:40 PM
4

And there was me thinking single mums like me were a scourge on society. I will take your compliment! /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 07:55 PM
17

I had a guy asking what I was looking for and I replied I had a full life but wanted a first and last call of the day. So he texted me good morning and good night. At least his literal interpretation let me know he was an idiot and to unmatch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/22 04:35 PM
9

The porn industry is worth billions. Better men spend their money on us. It’s an act of female solidarity really.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/22 04:33 PM
27

I have a pickme friend that I’m no longer close to but we’ve been through a lot and I want to keep the door open in case she ever leaves her scrote fiancé. She is a raging libfem and it is absolutely fuelled by bitterness. She’s wearing the tiniest engagement ring from a man earning six figures and I’m embarrassed for her frankly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/22 04:31 PM
102

Actual chills at the first two lines. My boyfriend was grumpy today and I had the incredible realisation that him having a bad day doesn’t make me feel scared. He’s not perfect (nobody is) and when he quickly apologised I was still wondering at the idea that I never felt unsafe. I’m in my forties and am far far too old to be in my first non-dangerous relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/22 06:18 PM
31

I’m concerned about vagina tightening surgery even being a thing in the first place. The muscular nature of it is why exercise is used. I really hope this is an outdated practise no longer being done.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/22 07:43 AM
39

Ted is basically Joe from You minus the murders. And let’s be honest, Joe at least whined less.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 05:24 PM
1

Ha same. He’s such a lazy scrote and I did all the paperwork so it could happen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 06:54 AM
9

I made a comment to my boyfriend the other day that we needed a bit more variety in our dining as we eat at the same brunch place all the time. He made a good case for the poached eggs. Variety of orifices is rather different!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 01:15 PM
12

This is such an important point. Of course it’s ok to ask other peoples views but only to clarify what you actually want to do. Even if every single woman on FDS said something was ok but you have the ick or aren’t happy then that’s what matters.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/22 01:13 PM
102

To be fair you can get it down pretty quickly. 99% of men don’t get to #4. I think I had 20 decent conversations, three dates, two second dates and one relationship. OLD is brutal but if you’re brutal, you can sift pretty well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 10:10 PM
372

Men complain about dead bedrooms but I don’t want one either. I had an amazing date with a really great guy but as soon as I laid eyes on him I knew I never wanted to see him naked. It was pre-FDS and I did worry a bit I was being daft but I thanked him and moved on. As soon as I laid eyes on my boyfriend I literally caught my breath. I can’t even say what it was because while he is largely conventionally attractive, I just wanted to take him to bed (obviously I composed myself and started vetti…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 07:09 PM
48

This always stands out to me as well. Even excluding sleep, when we look at the amount of time we spend having sex when we’re with a boyfriend it’s relatively small compared to the time we spent eating, talking and doing other things. It’s a very important part of a relationship certainly but when it’s good it’s just not something I at least think that much about.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/22 02:46 AM
65

My standard that I was mercilessly shamed for was refusing to date a man with kids as a single mother. It genuinely made people angry. They got so invested in explaining how unrealistic I was. It really showed me who my friends were.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 04:35 PM
32

I’m in a taxi and laughing far too hard at the idea of hatfishing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 03:59 PM
3

Ah I remember that feeling. I was so in love with my ex. We were older, got married and have several years of loveliness. We were the couple with a great sex life and a newborn. I was a SAHM but because I had my education it wasn’t too hard to keep a little side gig going. He left us. I say us because he doesn’t support our child. It sucked but it was fine and now I’m doing great. My son is incredible, my career is going great and I’m excited about the future. I cannot begin to imagine how diffe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 02:53 AM
44

I got it a few times from OLD. It was such a strange question to me that I always unmatched immediately. It was pre-FDS so it wasn’t a tactic so much as bewilderment as to what it even meant and not liking how that felt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 06:04 PM
9

In the early days of my relationship my boyfriend asked if I liked my belly being kissed and I was so confused. I have a short torso and pregnancy ravaged my stomach so I just took it on board that it was as gross as my ex made out. It had been so long since I’d been kissed gently on my body that I honestly didn’t know where I liked it. I am so sad that past me put up with so little affection.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/22 03:45 PM
5

Until there’s a way to assess all men and tattoo their risk status on their foreheads, we have to act as though it is all men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/22 03:25 AM
16

I’m certain she put that in to show she’s good so the link in her bio gets clicked in and she gets more subscribers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 03:08 AM
35

But it doesn’t go both ways. We need the full story for men but have to protect ourselves by not sharing everything with unvetted men. If it was safe and reasonable for things to be equal, FDS wouldn’t exist as a response to all the LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 03:03 AM
86

I’m short and incredibly feminine so I like to ask loudly, “Sir do you have a problem?” Most people turn to look and see a massive man encroaching on a small woman and in almost all cases he scuttles off. Sometimes a gym-scrote-bro will try and look big but all I’m aiming at it getting some fucking space.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 06:32 PM
8

A day’s blacksmithing, a private art class for two, an exhibition at a National Trust property, a haunted house type event. While I’ve had some lovely dates with my boyfriend, what really stood out was how he cares for my comfort and always books VIP passes, parking etc. When we were finally able to see each other as the first lockdown eased, we went for a “walk date” as that was all that was allowed. He brought a mini bottle of Prosecco and a glass so that when we reached a cute pub on the rive…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 01:21 PM
5

Some cute little vintagey studs from an Etsy seller. I wanted to support a female seller.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 06:28 AM
36

I cherished three key people; I got my son a card and a chocolate rose and he was so excited to get his first valentine, I named a cricket after a friend’s horrible ex and sent the video of it being devoured to her this morning and I ordered myself some gorgeous earrings to go with the ring I bought myself last Valentine’s Day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 08:59 PM
16

Putting the microwave onto the stand sounds like a pretty easy thing for him to do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 08:22 AM
98

It’s pointless. If you’re visibly annoyed, you’re a nagging shrew. If you’re calm, you’re manipulative.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 07:51 AM
241

I was on a number of feminist subs that were banned but somehow missed FDS. I was on a faux feminism sub where someone said another poster belonged here because she was toxic for having a perfectly reasonable argument. I was so excited and came straight over all but screaming I found my people 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 07:50 AM
3

There’s something so sinister about men who don’t understand that sex and intimacy are two distinct things. Sure the best sex is also intimate but you cannot purchase intimacy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/22 05:45 PM
1

Wasn’t it that she gave men boomerang dick (because he comes home to her?)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/22 09:12 AM
3

They all think that Beyoncé’s Irreplaceable doesn’t apply to them. It’s sweet really.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 08:55 PM
5

Rape is a crime. Allegedly 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 05:38 PM
52

I was aware of the terms before FDS but had some internalised misogyny about my single mother status. Thanks to FDS I see not just my own worth (as a highly educated, successful and financially independent woman) but that of my amazing child. I made my boyfriend wait a year before he met my son and was clear that that was the point at which a new level of vetting would begin.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 05:35 PM
60

The answer is reservations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 08:08 AM
26

I don’t share any of the cute things my boyfriend does anywhere on line but here (and then it’s largely to counteract my general distain of the weaker sex). I’m going on holiday soon so my boyfriend (who knows me very well) asked me whether I wanted my flowers when he came over at the weekend or delivered on Monday. I said I’d prefer them early so I get the full benefit before I travel. He then asked if I was free for brunch on Monday as he’d booked the day off work and when I hesitated he laugh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 07:14 PM
81

It’s never one single talk. It’s many many small conversations over years and years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 07:52 AM
105

They’re the deceitful ones. There’d be no need for FDS if men were honourable. You developing a strategy and sharing it here is literally self-preservation and supporting other women. Don’t you dare call yourself deceitful!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 08:00 AM
1

Watching it was exactly like watching a horror film as you scream “no don’t do that!” Because we can’t wrap our heads around it I rather hope it does get a podcast episode because clearly we’re missing something.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 07:42 PM
56

I had an ex push me for sex literally minutes after I heard my Granny had died. He insisted after that it clearly made me feel better as I had an orgasm. Fucking psychopath.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 05:20 PM
7

Is a heartgasm a thing? I know mine just bounded so hard at reading this 💖
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 08:37 PM
67

My ex became friends with my brother over the years. The speed that my brother cut him out of his life when he left me was breathtaking. I think he knew what he was doing because my ex was absolutely gutted. He assumed some kind of bro code. It meant everything to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 07:29 AM
36

An ex tried derogatory dirty talk once and I burst out laughing because it was just such an absurd way to behave towards a woman you want to have sex with. I wasn’t even upset because it was so funny. It’s been over a decade and I’m giggling again at his mortified face.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 07:49 AM
8

They lost me when they mocked there being an FDS podcast on their podcast. That’s a level of stupidity I just can’t get past.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 07:25 AM
10

Nobody judges the people who jumped on 9/11. Instead, our hearts break as we try to imagine how desperate and scared they must have been to leap from tall buildings. Even if she did jump from the van rather than be pushed/thrown, I fail to see how it’s relevant. The poor girl was kidnapped!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 06:46 AM
54

Wouldn’t it just be so nice if one night a week, biological males weren’t allowed out after dark? I’d love to just take a stroll around my city’s main park with my dog.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 07:17 PM
33

My ex husband is now free to make loads of money online gambling. I wonder when he’s going to start because it’s been a few years now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 07:18 AM
8

I find it funny how they don’t get the friend intervention. I was out recently with a girlfriend and a bloke came over to us. He was perfectly nice so I excused myself to go to the bathroom. When I came back he said he’d leave us to our evening but could he call her sometime. She gave him her real number and he went back to the other side of the pub. But then that only works for men who want to date women and many are aiming for sex that night.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 07:15 AM
28

The absolute power of FDS is that while the handbook sets the base standard, the fact we do not standard shame means that ultimately the definition of a HVM comes down to each of us to decide. We each have to take responsibility for ourselves. That sets us completely apart from the scrotes seeking a magic formula and regurgitating the same content.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/22 07:56 AM
33

I was in therapy just before I found FDS as I was struggling with my ex (we have a child together so I couldn’t cut him out if my life). She was all about talking to his inner child and such bullshit. On the surface things go better as my ex was happier and we butted heads less often but I felt dirty for having to do it. Because my issue was “resolved,” the sessions ended. Then I found FDS and I felt valued and validated in my feelings. Learning to grey rock changed my life. I took my power back…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 07:53 AM
17

Thanks to FDS I bought a Womaniser which is just fabulous. I don’t use it very often because I prefer sex with my boyfriend but what really matters is that having a great vibrator set the bar for my expectations. THAT is so important and means I’ll never be shortchanged again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 08:25 PM
51

I love this. One of my greatest joys is telling people I found motherhood overrated when they ask if I’m having another and like you, stare through them like the bitch they assume I am. My uterus isn’t a topic for water cooler or cocktail party chit chat! Edit: a word
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 05:59 PM
26

We bumped into a guy my boyfriend works with at the gym. They’d not seen each other in a while and my boyfriend complimented him on gaining some muscle. The scrote barely heard him and made a comment towards me about my boyfriend being short while looking me up and down. I’m sure that’s not the compliments scrotes want though. Can’t say I could give him one though as the scrote turns my stomach.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 12:52 PM
161

My boyfriend is one of the best groomed men I’ve met and his take is that we should only do the things we would do if we were alone on a desert island. I’ve never worn make up but I invest a lot of time, effort and money in skincare. I thought long and hard about the desert island idea and I think that if I had a fully functional bathroom on my desert island I’d do pretty much everything I currently do. Something the question has seen me change is that I now wear bras far less often in favour of…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 10:45 AM
9

Same! My boyfriend and I have all these little in jokes and intimate things and nobody else knows any of them! That’s exactly what makes them special.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 09:15 AM
29

I supported my ex husband for years despite being ill myself. When he left me, he explained that my illness had been hard on him. He was a porn addict and it was that statement that made mw realise he didn’t actually see me as a person, only as something to use.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 08:38 AM
99

If you cannot masturbate without porn, you are broken.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 06:23 PM
58

One of my early dates with my boyfriend was a metalworking class in a warehouse (a very awesome date!). He bought a thermos for me to take as I really feel the cold and drink loads of hot drinks (he doesn’t drink hot drinks so didn’t own one) and packed a few spare teabags. There was a kettle on site so I had tea all day long. I wasn’t ready for anything serious but it was that small thing that made me be a bit more open. Every time I visit him there is wine, and something I could have for break…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 07:27 PM
2

My ex gambled. The only reason he wasn’t more successful is because our marriage limited his time to invest in it. The delusion is crazy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 08:56 AM
8

Oh wow, where to start… Thank you FDS for helping get my head around my awful previous relationships and gaining some sanity to… … date what seems to be an ok guy but not get overly excited because I’m getting MY life together while understanding he’s just a pretty accessory.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 10:23 PM
66

I have major appreciation for the women that went before me and gave the feedback that taught my boyfriend that hip tilt grind thing that I have never experienced before. Truly, there’s no classy way to ask him for their details so I can send a gift basket but THANKS FOR THE NOT FAKING BUT INSTEAD COACHING LADIES!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 06:06 PM
36

It’s been affected by COVID but my boyfriend previously spent 4-5 days a year on holiday with a male friend. It was something that appealed to me as I take (previous to COVID) multiple trips visiting family and solo travel. My ex was so needy/dependent while happy to give me my space but I like the idea of my boyfriend going away (and bringing back piles of fabulous gifts 😉)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 06:01 PM
54

It’s not like we’re given a set number of hours where we’re guaranteed safety. That’d be hateful but it’s not like I have windows of time I can walk my dog without the weirdo who always wants to talk to me being banned from approaching me or happy hours where my friends and I can wear fabulous outfits but men aren’t allowed to talk to us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 04:41 PM
26

He’s the asshole.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 07:38 AM
6

That was my first thought. I have a monthly hike with a female friend where we both have a small rant about our boyfriends, kids and mothers. We breathe out all the petty annoyances and breathe in fresh woodland air.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 07:29 AM
10

You may be an asshole but I’m the one laughing at you enjoying yourself. Big love sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 07:25 AM
3

After my ex left I had therapy because interacting with him was so damn challenging. The therapist was all about me having empathy for his inner child 🤡 Then I found FDS and learned about grey rocking. Now he’s miserable and frustrated with our non-conversations where I don’t react and I’m very relaxed. An excellent outcome I’m sure you’ll all agree.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 05:31 AM
65

I know a couple where this happened. It was when my ex left me and she told me all about how her husband left for five months (although he saw the kids on a weekend) and it was ok because he realised he loved them all and came back so maybe my husband would too. Once I was able to compose myself I told her that not only had I hired a solicitor but I’d already been on one date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 07:57 PM
15

I agree that our bodies don’t come as a surprise. My boyfriend is the only man to see me naked other than my ex since I gave birth and I was really self-conscious. I made a comment about my stretch marks and he gently said that the fact I had a child had given him some clues I might have them but also that they had no bearing on anything. He’s a man in his forties who dates women his age and doesn’t expect them to look like teenagers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 09:42 AM
20

I’ve always liked it as well. Looking back, I can’t believe the audacity of my ex in leaving me and being surprised and angry that I rebuilt and moved on with barely a pause. He really overestimated his importance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 07:15 AM
112

I’m dating a hot guy in his late forties. Why is he hot? Random fact; he’s a qualified PT and has been a gym bunny since he was 18. Could there possibly be a lesson here?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 06:49 PM
116

Additionally… The most helpful thing a woman can gain is her agency and control. We control the conversation here and it supports our sanity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 05:38 PM
17

100%
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 08:16 PM
168

“Maybe sexually he would want to do more than you let him.” Let him? Let him! This person is in no position to give sexual advice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 01:33 PM
9

I got sent a picture of something I think was meant to be a penis but equally could’ve been a naked mole rat hiding in something my cat threw up. I decided DMs weren’t for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 02:15 PM
7

Does he normally limit her food? Every single time I eat out with my boyfriend, he checks I’ve had everything I want before he gets the bill. Maybe I can always get two cheesecakes because I’m especially beautiful? /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 08:24 AM
46

I have kids and still don’t want to hear about other women’s kids. I’d much rather chat about what you’re reading/watching/studying/crafting at the moment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 04:30 PM
120

Now he’s debt free he’ll think he’s levelled up so will start looking around for a new improved partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 10:34 AM
24

I’m sure I’m going to regret asking but what I’m earth are tributes?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 10:32 AM
236

One of my silliest dates was when I met the guy and we start walking to the bar. I point out that we’re taking a diversion. He insists we’re not and walks me past a cafe with a group of men sitting outside who take a really good look at me and one gives him a thumbs up. I looked at him to see him grinning smugly. I insisted he say hi to his friends and left whilst he denied knowing them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 08:54 AM
62

Either I’ve people vying for plates of my food or I’m lonely. Which is it?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 06:55 PM
3

The 2019 one? My boyfriend, son and I are all in love with it after watching it the other day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 01:16 PM
23

I’m secure and open-minded. I’m secure because my boyfriend is faithful and adores me and despite being an independent single mum, I’m increasingly open to the ideal of marrying him… because I’m secure due to him proving repeatedly how he respects and cares for me. What a crazy way to approach relationships 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 01:09 PM
7

One of the cutest things I’ve heard was when a friend visited my boyfriend after his divorce and referred to his house as being “like a chick’s place.” My boyfriend took a breath and talked him through how to create a home as a single man. A few months later the boyfriend and I go to visit this friend. His house has plants and he’d lit a scented candle. There were some lovely touches like fairy lights around his daughter’s bed and throws on the sofa. It was really lovely. My boyfriend said as mu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 03:19 PM
38

I think it’s about what it costs him. My boyfriend is very arty and for my birthday made me something that took 30+ hours and a couple of small things. At other times he’s spent more on a bouquet of flowers when he’s been busier with work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 10:29 PM
66

I used to think I had a good one because my ex used to try and avoid doing this and very rarely slipped up. Then I met my boyfriend and he just doesn’t do it at all. I’ve waited and waited but it’s like any person who isn’t in the party he’s with is the same to him and he’s polite but disengaged with them, male or female. It took a while to realise my boyfriend was a normal human being and that it was an example of my ex being a porn addicted scrote.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 07:23 AM
65

The first time I encountered this was before he even asked me out. Honey, you’ve got to get me to the table first! Even pre-FDS I was having none of that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 11:02 PM
42

Two years ago my boyfriend said he was thinking of visiting a certain place and I said I thought it sounded very nice. He promptly invited me but instead of making it a day trip, booked a nice hotel and turned it into a romantic break. We had only just started dating but it gave an insight to how he would think about things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 10:57 PM
23

I think that roughly translates as “he’s annoying us and we want you to take over dealing with him.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 07:10 AM
124

My ex blamed me for his problems. They’re so much worse now. What a shocker that I, his kind supportive wife was actually what helped the situation 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 07:05 AM
72

Quite. I know not all rehab involves making amends but most do and this really isn’t how you do that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 07:03 AM
17

I loved mine as well. Turns out 98% of my time was here (2% was on FLUS).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 07:24 PM
50

I sat ringside while my brother curbed his caveman diet to woo my vegetarian sister-in-law. She has a huge diamond ring on her finger and their marriage looks pretty blissful. My sibling clearly missed the memo that he was meant to change her instead of meeting her standard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 07:00 PM
745

My ex left me nearly three years ago and my life is SO FUCKING SPARKLY GLITTERY LOVELY ☺️ It wasn’t so hard to replace his financial contribution and everything else about him was negative value.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 06:46 PM
68

Me on first date (we met online): I’m not having any more kids. It’s important you know that. Him: Ok. Me: Your profile said you were open to having kids some day. Him: There wasn’t a box for not having kids but being open to relationships with women who have kids. I’m open to having kids in my life but don’t want my own. Me: Ok. Him: Did I fill that out right? Me: I think so. Was it weird? YES! Was it awkward? HELL YES. Was it a problem? No. Did we mention it again for six months? No. He met my…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 06:42 PM
64

Let’s say she was wrong and was just overreacting. The correct response from him would still be to get her and the children feeling safe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 07:55 AM
51

It’s so sad that women seeking enlightenment and healing look to men when our fellow women have more power in their pinkie fingers. I’ve had a wonderful reaction to Shirodhara which I had in a lovely spa in India where it was just me and the female therapist. Afterwards she gave me some fresh ginger tea and told me to daydream in the garden just outside the spa so they (the spa staff) could still keep an eye on me. It was warm and nurturing and safe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/21 07:38 AM
84

I had an ex who insisted he could “cure” my OCD as it was just me being attention seeking. Fun fact: I barely have OCD now I don’t date abusive arseholes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 04:49 PM
72

I find the “cred” so bizarre. I remember reading that FDSers just post for karma and it took me a moment to connect that to the points thing. I never bother looking at how much karma I have. Sure it’s nice if a post gets lots of likes as that means lots of women found it helpful but if I share something that only helps one woman that’s a worthwhile use of my time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 07:54 AM
55

Phil Collins wrote Against All Odds about his ex-wife. I’m not convinced it was depth of emotion so much as just wanting her back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/21 06:07 AM
8

I’ve turned up to business meetings that the guy considered to be a date. I’d ask about the scope of the project and they’d suggest we just got to know each other first. Even if I’d have been interested, my head was in work and the whole thing so shady that it was an immediate no from me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 07:36 AM
49

My dog is very friendly to pretty much everyone but was a bit standoffish when she met my boyfriend. He didn’t react and was kind and gentle with her. She would jump onto my knee and block him from kissing me if he sat next to me. He kept being respectful towards her. She vetted HARD. She now adores him but I found it really interesting that while she didn’t dislike him (those people are gone immediately), she was wary of how he touched me and needed to suss him out. That he understood and didn’…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 08:35 AM
11

Very lucky. I had a couples therapist tell me I had a fear of intimacy. Damn straight, I was in an abusive relationship and terrified you dipshit!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 08:03 AM
153

Both man I’ve lived with have ruined an item of my clothing. One decided my suede skirt looked grubby and boil washed it and the other put a cashmere jumper through a regular wash. Nether item was in the laundry bin, they made an effort to get them. Neither did laundry at any other time. It was just a power move to destroy my stuff.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 07:26 PM
37

It’s like they see it as sex they don’t have to work for as opposed to an absolutely terrifying loss of control.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 02:05 PM
73

It goes to a scary place. My son has a skin condition that I obsess over (and thus it is kept in check). His father thinks I’m over the top and neglected to follow my rules last summer when he had him and my son had a flare up so bad it took a month to sort out. I’m passionate about FDS because my utter stupidity means my precious child suffers at the hands of a scrote.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 07:24 AM
240

If he was genuinely happy, why would he need you to see it? That he needs you to witness it is what shows it to be fake. I’ve built a lovely life since my ex left and I’m pretty bad at putting photos on a Facebook for my small number of friends I’ve kept in there because I’m living that lovely life. I certainly don’t have time to find and add ex’s to try and show them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 07:05 AM
7

That’s the biggest thing women need to remember about FDS. Above everything else we want you to be safe. After that we want you to be happy and fulfilled.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 07:46 PM
178

I like my gym because the male owner is very aggressive with men that even look at the female clients so it feels very safe. My response to comments about how much I lift is that I only work out in order to crush the patriarchy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 06:03 PM
7

I love this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 08:46 AM
84

It was as though she wanted me to fancy her husband so that when he went home with her she got to win. Very odd. I don’t give a damn whether anyone else thinks my boyfriend is attractive as I’m the only one having sex with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 05:19 PM
26

Urgh! Just urgh!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 05:07 PM
32

I don’t look for green flags so much as a lack of red flags. So my boyfriend being wonderful with my pets means there’s more vetting to do as opposed to ending things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 01:49 PM
30

I’m also curious about the timeframe for cheating. One of my ex’s was furious that I cheated on him. He had moved out we were that broken up after I dumped him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 02:06 PM
17

They really tell on themselves with the gym one. Why do you need to be stronger than me? What rapey plan did you have in mind?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 08:26 AM
23

He was all, “I can’t believe I just found our convos.” Me neither mate. I think you’re thirsty as fuck and have been scrolling for hours.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 07:26 PM
139

I have endo and my ex told me when he left that my illness had been very hard on him. My boyfriend moved in part of the week (the part my mother didn’t do) and did school runs, housework and cooking in the aftermath of my surgery. Once I recovered we went back to dating as before and he focused more on being romantic. There was never any comment about the time we didn’t have a sex life because all that mattered to him was that I got better and he didn’t want it until I felt well enough and reall…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 08:44 AM
14

But you can have a quick call to do the pre-date. daisy_0720 is right when she says it’s about the tone. My boyfriend is a pretty casual guy but he ironed a shirt, booked a table etc for our first date and it put him into the right mindset.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 08:02 AM
49

My boyfriend had therapy after his marriage ended but that didn’t come up for several months and was in response to me having therapy that he told me (so it came across as a supportive gesture). Second date makes me uncomfortable though. Haven’t most intelligent people sought help at some point?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 05:11 PM
101

I used to really buy into the idea but now feel there are two huge aspects of good sex. First is that you can test for compatibility by kissing. If just kissing him doesn’t make you dizzy with desire then do you really think his going to improve once you’re undressed? Secondly is that sex gets so much better as you get to know each other. It was wonderful the first time I slept with my boyfriend and he made sure I came but we were both a bit shy and nervous. Fast forward a few months once we’d g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 08:25 AM
28

Yes absolutely apply it to work. I’ve had to take a local person to court (I won) and it was awful but I always say how wonderful I’ve found doing business in the area and how enthusiastic and supportive everyone I’ve worked with have been. I’ve seen a big improvement since I applied FDS in this way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 08:10 AM
8

I love the one about the suffragette bar that has no men and only sells ice cream and pretzels. I doubt it’s not just me that would be there like a shit if it opened in my city!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 07:14 AM
433

Let’s say things work out with a busy career-oriented man, what kind of relationship do you want? I was only interested in being a priority regardless of his work so gave it 24 hours when I was on OLD. If he wanted to he would. Presumably you’re a busy career-oriented woman but you have time to be polite right?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 06:50 AM
24

I’ve been negged in business pitches (made to me). It’s strange enough in the world of dating but utterly bizarre in business. These men are unquestionably on commission yet are more focused on power moves. I always respond in the same way - I act confused when they ask for my business and say I didn’t understand their pitch and that other pitches has clearer focus. Sometimes they scrabble with compliments but usually they act smug thinking they won something (I’m not sure what as I’m the one wi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 06:03 AM
10

They really do 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 02:18 PM
56

I love being older. When I was in my twenties, hearing women in their forties saying they’d never felt happier made me think they were in denial… but it’s awesome! I’m every bit as beautiful as I was two decades ago but now I’m invisible to the scrotes while my boyfriend can see it. It’s the greatest blessing ever!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 10:12 PM
23

I get approached by some random bloke most days on my business Instagram and I always block. I don’t think that’s impolite. They’re using it in the wrong way and it’s not my responsibility to tell them that. I don’t do business with creeps so nice for what?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 08:00 AM
4

My brother is a wonderful guy and one of my best ever gifts was when he made a replica of a building very close to my heart. It was a complete surprise and is absolutely beautiful. Everything I’ve seen (because you never really know what’s going on in someone else’s relationship) suggests he’s a fantastic husband to my sister-in-law. My boyfriend turns out to be made of similar stuff and has made me some incredible gifts. He’s a talented artist and these are things he could easily sell but inste…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 07:54 AM
163

Your success does keep you warm at night. I made it despite my NV and LV ex’s and can absolutely promise that being financially independent is better than anything else; money buys goose-down duvets and pets and that will see you sleeping cosy, warm and loved.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 07:06 AM
36

My boyfriend had the radical idea of calling a florist. She keeps notes on what she’s made him for me before so every bouquet I’ve ever received has been different yet always has one of my favourite flower. I worked at a jewellers as a student and we all did a course on helping customers identify gifts by asking about tastes and style (colours she wears, dresses or jeans etc). Highly personal gifts get a little trickier but the basics are easy AF so it’s pure laziness if he can’t buy gifts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 06:51 AM
87

I used to buy into all the Girl Boss stuff until my ex left me a single mum. I was busy and tired and usually distracted. After my first date with my boyfriend I went on holiday. He asked to see me again but had to wait. I then had another trip. My son then started at a new school. I liked him a lot but if he hadn’t been the one pursuing me and being flexible, it wouldn’t have worked. I assumed it wouldn’t because I thought dating took work on my part. I found FDS later and realised that by acci…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 06:41 AM
63

“It’s better for the children to have two parents at home.” This one really screwed me. My son is so much better off having limited time with his scrote father. Kids need mother and father FIGURES. My brother is incredible and has been such a huge and important part of my son’s life. My boyfriend takes him shopping for gifts for me and teaches him how to do it right; my Mother’s Day flowers this year (my first ever Mother’s Day flowers) were not only beautiful but in my favourite colours. I have…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 03:35 AM
52

My ex said my feminism made me angry. Well, yeah!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 03:27 AM
71

He was a gambling porn addict and I was angry and hurt about that. I’m a pretty chill girlfriend to my boyfriend. Funny that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 03:22 AM
76

The prime work hours is such a big thing. I built my company around working nights while my ex had a 9-5 because I looked after our child and home (he of course rested after work and didn’t do any housework).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 03:09 AM
45

Same. When my son was little we were always busy from going on walks to cooking. I run a successful company as a single mum to a preteen and it is much easier and I watch far more TV than when I was solely caring for him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 09:02 AM
5

I have a PhD and have found that self-made men and those in the trades have been the most HV with regards to it. My two significant ex’s both had degrees and one had a particular chip on his shoulder and the other liked to ignore that it existed. My boyfriend is the least educated man I’ve ever dated but has worked hard his entire life and takes pride in his accomplishments. He recognises the effort something like a PhD takes and found that attractive about me just as I find his successes attrac…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 04:08 PM
5

Thanks for the good wishes 😂 (he already has porn induced erectile dysfunction but gangrene raisin toes sounds just what he deserves).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 06:33 AM
29

My ex developed health problems after we were married. He had his own bathroom thankfully but I loathed that I had to use the bathroom first when we travelled and felt awful for our hotel maids. He was diagnosed as pre-diabetic shortly before he left and my suggestion that the whole household follow a diabetic diet was part of why he left 🤪
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 05:55 PM
55

I honestly believed getting excited about kissing was something that only happened to women. On my third date with my boyfriend (had our first kiss at the end of date two) we were walking (the date included lunch in a cute English market town, it wasn’t a dog date 😉) he stopped and looked at me and asked to kiss me. It was one of the prettiest places I’d ever been and he’d clearly thought a bit about where to kiss me. They are in woefully short supply but these men are out there. My boyfriend ha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 05:23 PM
510

“I’m looking for someone to make memories with” = “My ex planned everything and I’m incapable of organising anything myself.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/21 05:11 PM
122

Throwing other women under the bus is a tricky route to a happier life though. She’d find stability if she dropped the pathetic cool girl behaviour.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 07:01 AM
205

I’d like to see an end to inappropriate questions. I have one child so I get asked when I’m having another or why I had just one. I generally say I found the experience overrated so didn’t want another. That shuts them up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 07:01 PM
27

My ex kept accusing me of being bitter because I was so cold towards him (we have a kid so I can’t block him). Eventually I sent him an email saying I was sorry he was still so emotional but I wasn’t the person to share that with, that I’d moved on and was happy and could we please just stick to the facts about our child. He looked very wounded and still gives me sad eyes now and then but has at least stopped with the emoting all over his texts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 07:33 AM
9

I have a couple of lovely male friends but they can’t touch my female friendships. I cannot believe any woman could truly prefer a male friend over a female friend, it has to be a cool girl thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 06:47 AM
9

I’ve met one woman ever who bragged (she is one of the most tragic Pickmeishas I’ve ever met) and all the rest were men. All of those men were mediocre at best. I’m still working on not playing down my accomplishments and am living the inspiration in this thread.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 06:39 AM
60

Ewww that’s so gross! I’m so sorry you went through that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 05:08 PM
71

Shit sex is so cut and paste (because it’s from porn) whereas great sex is great because it’s about the couple involved and therefore unique in its intimacy. When I realised this I was forever changed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 07:26 AM
107

Same. After the previous one I went to check his account. Only to find one of my friends had liked it! That’s enough internet for me today.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 07:47 PM
20

I absolutely love this. Today has been really rough as the LVC (low value cat) is really sick so I’ve achieved very little as I’ve been pretty much hand feeding him. I was beating myself up as I’ve so much work to do but I am the absolute Queen of Pets who will rearrange her life for my fur babies. And I still made the really important calls; my empire shall grow!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 03:39 PM
84

That was the worst of it for me. The idea that Anna is somehow at fault for giving him an unhealthy child is hideous but that he’d praise one of his small children above the other so publicly is abhorrent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 01:17 PM
9

I’m dating an older guy who looks good and again it’s because he worked out consistently since his teenage years. He’s a great guy and because he’s an actual functioning adult, he’s dating me, an older woman! I wouldn’t have wanted to date him (as he is now) in my twenties because I was interested in different things then. We have wonderful talks that are tied to the fact we each have two decades of travel stories, gigs attended and so on. As I write this I can feel twenty-something me rolling h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 07:38 AM
7

Yesterday I was at the gym where a guy did a pull up and lifted his toes to the top of the TRX frame whilst trying to maintain eye contact with me. It was VERY strange. I’m not sure if I was meant to be impressed. Perhaps that was good confident masculine eye contact and I just failed to pick up on it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 07:23 AM
84

I feel such messages are basically saying, “in case other options have emerged PICK ME.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 06:31 AM
199

A year into our relationship my boyfriend revealed that he was always exactly on time because he left early and would sit in his car for up to ten minutes. We live further than a short drive apart so traffic really can influence things. I was shocked he had done it for so long.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 06:29 AM
47

I’ve had kinky sex in the past and frankly could never go back. I don’t want any distractions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 07:17 PM
169

When I was dating my ex I used to cook for him loads and yes, would clean his bathroom 🤡. He was a shitty husband. I love to cook but force myself not to do stuff when I visit my boyfriend. It’s really hard but he loves fetching me glasses of wine and taking care of me. He takes pride in his home and in being a host. I might keep this one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 07:41 AM
14

Same. I don’t wear make up on dates as I hardly ever wear it. I go as myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 08:16 AM
7

Quite. I was a single mother juggling home schooling and running my company without my team (who are all mothers themselves and were therefore also homeschooling). It was so insanely hard but so what? It was a shitty time for most people. I was dating my boyfriend but couldn’t see him and we just coped. It sucked but while sex is great (and admittedly all we did once we could see each other again), you don’t need it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 06:43 AM
50

Same. I’m now dating someone at a healthy weight and he only ever tells me I’m beautiful. It’s never ever about what we weigh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 06:05 AM
41

Neither is good. Let’s say the guy really is that dumb. That also rules him out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 05:16 AM
50

He literally murdered her. How much more evidence does anyone need that he’s an abusive POS?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 07:35 AM
52

My ex looked so gross when he had facial hair and I swore off men with it. Until I met my boyfriend who has a very short, very well groomed beard. Turns out that I’m ok with men who use beard oil and groom it and don’t like scruffy hobo guys.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/21 06:29 PM
45

I always pretended gifts weren’t important to me but that was because they were rubbish. I adore the gifts from my boyfriend because they’re so great. And he absolutely messes with me; is it something that cost 50p from the charity shop and is so awful I’ll laugh really hard or a piece of art he spent 40 hours working on? There’s no way to tell. He gives them all with equal love and I might get a Halloween present that cost hundreds of pounds but for our first year anniversary he gave me a joke …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/21 05:48 PM
13

I think this is great advice. My ex and I never fought. Six months after the wedding, when I was pregnant, the shitty behaviour began. We’d been together three years by that point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/21 11:34 AM
96

I just don’t understand the timing of it all. My boyfriend works full time. I work full time. We spend at least part of every weekend together and usually see each other midweek which I think is standard for a relationship m. Last night he gave me a foot massage and we watched a film in bed because I’m not very well. In a poly situation would he leave me to go massage another woman? When would he sleep? Between work, our relationship, seeing friends and in my case, raising a child, I just can’t …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/21 08:31 AM
54

That has made my day 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/21 08:15 AM
19

I love her. Her Manic Pixie Dream Girl poem is great for recovering Pickme’s.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/21 06:18 AM
144

Is this a chicken or an egg thing? I’ve seen so many posts where someone has said she used to be open to dating short men but then all the ones she did were such insecure scrotes about it that now she now won’t consider them. I’m sure there are preferences for height and hair but I’m wondering whether baldness is something we perceive men to get insecure and nasty about?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/21 06:02 AM
97

They always miss the bit where Jesus says to gouge their eyes out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 05:44 AM
84

My stance on this and the “on a break” argument in Friends is that is doesn’t really matter whether you’re together or not, whether it’s cheating or not. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who could sleep with someone else while still in love with me (because that’s trashy) and of course I wouldn’t want to be with someone not in love with me. The technicalities get used to obscure what’s really simple. It’s the same with exclusivity. If he can sleep with another woman while dating me then he’s j…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/21 06:48 AM
8

Same. I had to work last weekend and my boyfriend said he’d make a meal for when I got home. I wasn’t asked to provide a recipe or shop for the ingredients and he washed up afterwards. It was exactly what I needed. I was absolutely delighted when I arrived home but he just kissed me and reminded me it was normal. My bar was far far too low because that kind of this should just be a given.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 07:19 AM
1121

You can’t be an amazing husband if you lie. If your fiancé thinks an amazing husband is allowed to lie, I’d always be wondering if he was lying to me no matter how amazing he was.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 08:04 PM
34

Thanks. The scariest thing is that because he never actually hit me, I didn’t think it was DV. But he threw a plate so it smashed and scared our child so much he didn’t stop crying for an hour. I even had a moment watching Maid where I thought Sean wasn’t that bad because that’s what I lived through. But making myself watch these things and work through my thought patterns is helping.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 07:07 AM
16

No because that’s still reacting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 05:51 AM
66

The positive moments with Sean were one of the best parts. Those of us who have been in those relationships aren’t idiots. If men were horrible all the time far fewer of us would stay or get caught up. But when there’s the mix, we think he’s a good guy but with issues and so often the media romanticises struggle love so we stay hoping we can figure out the bad bits and it’ll always be good. I found it absolutely harrowing as I’ve never seen something that so closely depicted what my life used to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 05:45 AM
35

My kid looks like his dad. There’s no escape from the fact I reproduced with that scrote and have to see his face on a semi-regular basis. Try laughing at me? Honestly, I deserve it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 06:11 PM
69

I’ve met two women who actively tried to be nasty. Ever. And I am not young. Sure there are other women I’ve not got on with but I’m literally trying to think of any more. Sure there were some pickmeishas but they weren’t trying to hurt me, just trying to get picked. Men on the other hand…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 06:08 PM
12

No, just met him before I found FDS and it’s the only thing that goes against FDS principles. In all other respects I think he’d be deemed HV. I’m continually vetting but am not ending a lovely relationship over one thing. I’m in my forties and am a very independent single mother and won’t be having more kids so it’s not like I need youthful sperm from a partner. I absolutely subscribe to the notion of only dating men a similar age to you and would never recommend outliers being used against FDS…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 01:49 PM
35

No. That’s not how it works. The most important thing parents can do to encourage their kids to read is to read themselves. Kids imitate us far more than they do as we say. So a bad husband cannot be a good father because he is modelling bad behaviour. Of course sometimes relationships fail and in that case it’s important to be a good ex-husband as this is still modelling behaviour that the child will pick up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/21 03:33 PM
17

It made me laugh as well. Thanks to finding FDS I set myself a very strict life goal (complete with a gorgeous ring to commemorate that - it was in February when there was a flurry of everyone buying themselves jewellery) that in the short term impacted on my relationship but ultimately made it better. I feel I demonstrated HV standards and while it was really hard (I was such a pickme in my marriage and even though I’m not now, it feels strange), my life is looking amazing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/21 10:34 AM
8

My first date with my boyfriend was dinner but our second date was a walk at my suggestion (pre FDS). He brought me a gift that was completely perfect for me which absolutely blew me away and made me realise what scrotes I’d dated previously. During lockdown when we couldn’t go much other than walk he would always plan a little treat like having a small bottle of wine he’d bring out at a nice place to stop. ETA: I wouldn’t do walk dates if I was single again. It worked out ok but that was despit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 05:56 AM
27

It’s so porn related. I’ve encountered plenty of dicks and only once encountered one I deemed small and one that looked like it could belong in porn. Men get all insecure but the vast majority suit pretty much all heterosexual women. The scrotes getting all upset just tell me that they watch a lot of pork and don’t know what is normal/common.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 06:39 AM
140

You should write greetings cards 😂 (I mean that as a genuine compliment)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 04:21 PM
55

After my first kiss with my boyfriend I closed the front door, leaned against the wall for a bit to compose myself then went for a shower because I needed clean underwear. It was “just” a kiss and the only part of my body he touched was my lower back. I taught my ex how to kiss 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 07:32 AM
3

I absolutely built my ex and it was such a waste of my time and energy. Funny thing is that when he left me, it all fell apart (because it was MY work). I’d like to say I wasn’t petty but I laugh a lot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 10:09 PM
212

Is it just me wishing if I’ve had to deal with love bombers I could have got better stuff out of it?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 05:34 PM
73

Also, let’s not forget that the charming short men don’t find their height a hindrance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/21 03:10 PM
10

Delusional is the word. I swing between thinking I’m a bit over sensitive and then figuring there’s no point taking risks and getting a Ring doorbell etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 03:55 PM
108

“The relationship is not over until I say it is over” confused me for so long. My ex left me and I moved on and he is so angry. I was bewildered at his attitude (we have a child together which is why he wasn’t blocked) because I interpreted his leaving as it being over so I went on a few dates, met someone nice and fell in love. He acts like I’m the one that ended things, broke his heart and am rubbing my new life in his face when I’m just getting on with things. It’s been nearly three years and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 09:57 AM
3

Everyone here talks about their sweet loyal cats. Well mine manages zero loyalty and is castrated yet upon any affection from me gives himself enthusiastic… oral attention. This is when I’m reading my sweet son a bedtime story with the cute as hell dog and I’m all 😍 when kitty joins us (having not seen him for a few days) but then it’s him exposing himself and frantically licking kitty dick right on top of me, the kid and the dog with our blanket, mood lighting and story. Cue him getting thrown …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 09:42 PM
42

I never thought about it before FDS but I like that my boyfriend likes my cat (who is NOT a HV cat as I’ve previously mentioned. He’s even a bit allergic to cats but he respects the sod and as such my cat thinks he’s great.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 02:41 PM
42

I think this is a great way to look at it. I have a male friend who only texts occasionally and that’s largely to make plans to see me with his wife and our kids (we only socialise with our families). He adores his wife so apart from wishing me a happy birthday or whatever why would he need to be texting me? The good guys are literally minding their own business.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 09:24 AM
28

Oh same! I completely forgot about the friend of my ex’s who offered to move in after he left. Such a loyal friend!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 07:17 PM
191

I had one tell me he was an aspiring househusband and was learning to cook.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 02:50 PM
4

Every time I read something and want to push back against it is a learning day. Maturity and growth come when you lean into being challenged versus putting your fingers in your ears and singing la la la as you do the pick me dance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 09:35 PM
6

I’m looking into winning the lottery. I identify as a wealthy person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 09:09 PM
3

One of the saddest moments of my life was when I went from hoping that one day my son would see through his father’s bullshit and hate him to realising that actually I was hoping his father would one day get his shit together and my son would not hate him as an adult.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 09:09 PM
15

Same. There are plenty of reasons and justifications but ultimately I would only date a home owner who lived alone. I manage it and I date men in my area.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 07:10 AM
18

I’m not a fan in principle but my boyfriend plays 1-2 hours a week, helped me choose then set up my son’s console, helps me choose games for my son and plays with him when I let my son have screen time so for me it’s been ideal. I don’t even know which room his console is in because it doesn’t live out and he never gets it out when I’m there. My ex played for at least an hour every night and I found that pathetic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/21 03:32 PM
76

I’ve been hit on by two different “coaches” who offered to help me work through things. They were both 20+ years older than me and genuinely seemed surprised that I laughed at the idea of paying to spend time with them. One of them actually put his hand on my knee when he made his pitch. I’ve only spoken to female therapists and used female business coaches for all the obvious reasons.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/21 11:44 AM
5

My advice is that if you plan to wait, that you investigate painful periods. I had my son at 30 and had a challenging pregnancy. Afterwards my period pain became near constant pain. Eventually I was diagnosed with endometriosis and adenomyosis. I lost my cervix, uterus, ovaries and part of my bowel. I only wanted one child so it hasn’t stopped me doing anything important but while I think freezing eggs and waiting until you’re ready is an idea worth exploring, I’d suggest a pelvic MRI now and ag…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 06:39 AM
64

This is a really good point. I hadn’t realised it until now but my relationships (friendly and romantic) all improved when I started seeking stability and peace over excitement and passion. I found FDS as part of that journey.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 06:06 AM
20

So you’re saying a post-it note isn’t as meaningful as a legally binding ceremony that protects your financial interests? 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 05:58 AM
764

I doubt it’s 50/50 for oral sex though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 05:32 AM
255

I had someone get banned for a month for sniffing me at the gym and while allowed back he isn’t allowed to approach female gym members and they actually watch him. We need to not care about being called a Karen. I’m done. I’m just done now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 09:33 PM
18

Probably not helpful in terms of advice but divorcing a mediocre white guy who was full of audacity yet lacked accomplishment really helped me get perspective.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 09:28 PM
75

Exactly. This is so gross. I’m more educated than my boyfriend and he occasionally asks me what a word means. He likes that I’m intelligent. He has loads to offer so we have a really fun and interesting relationship. It’s be so boring if we weren’t who we are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 09:05 PM
25

The biggest thing I’ve learned from FDS is that HVM absolutely LOVE romance. If they’re not into it then they’re not HV. I just got back from a holiday with my boyfriend and when he went for a walk one night I asked for a gift. Not something he could buy (it was rural and kind of late), just a pretty leaf or something. He picked a few blossoms and twisted some grass to make string so I had a hand tied bouquet. He gave it with all the flourish of the expensive bouquets he’s bought me. I like flow…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 08:51 PM
5

But then we do also get rid of relics. My boyfriend volunteered the information that he didn’t really keep anything from his marriage save for his favourite picture of the wedding day and he’d taped his ring to the back of it. He wasn’t sure where it was but wanted me to know if it’s existence. I feel that’s an appropriate level of sentiment and liked that he told me in case I found it one day and was checking I agreed it was a reasonable thing to have. I’ve kept my wedding pictures but they’re …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 07:51 AM
2

Not at all! That was meant to be a joke!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 03:34 PM
73

Kids test boundaries and that’s ok. This was on the father for allowing disrespect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 07:42 AM
36

Well I’m a little worried that you’ve been rolling your eyes so much at scrotes that you’ll get a headache. Take care of yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 09:02 PM
18

Absolutely this. Even if you’re the only woman on the planet to feel something is a red flag then it is still a red flag!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 07:02 AM
15

Finished.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 05:09 PM
52

It’s not his fault he actively perpetuates the system? Whose fault does he think it is?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 04:41 PM
627

Yes. I am literally casting judgement on awful behaviour. What is your point?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 09:30 AM
112

My boyfriend knows that I absolute adore him but if he stops delivering then I’ll oh I dunno… keep earning a living and paying my bills and raising my baby. He’s the absolute cherry of cherry on top but this cupcake was whole before he came along. Doesn’t mean I don’t love my cherry but that’s all he is 🍒
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 09:07 PM
2

I got a 3/5 on delusional for my criteria and my first thought was that I put in none of MY DATA. I am smart, successful and if my boyfriend is to be trusted, absolutely beautiful. No woman deserves a scrote but if we’re rating ourselves I have put the work in at school, at work and at the gym so am not going to accept being called delusional in holding out for my equal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 07:00 PM
12

Hell no to the whisps. Those of us that like a shaved head like a shaved head. As an older FDSer I am down with making the best of a receding situation but do not take that as me being ok with you looking like Count Olaf!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 05:03 PM
115

Sexual compatibility for these men is about seeing how low a woman’s boundaries are not actual compatibility.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 12:30 PM
14

The man I married was not the husband I ended up with. He held it together long enough to get a ring on my finger and a baby in me. I was his solution to all that needed fixing. Naturally it’s my fault he’s a porn and gambling addict with debt problems.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 06:58 AM
9

They hate themselves but lack the emotional intelligence to deal with that so they break down women so they can feel better about themselves. Strangely this doesn’t make them happy but the scrotes still keep doing it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 06:45 AM
3

My marriage in a nutshell 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 08:01 AM
3

I agree wholeheartedly with this. I was in a relationship when I discovered FDS and working on myself has made things better. I’ve not asked him to change or change our relationship, I changed me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 08:00 AM
3

I often think rich for what? I have a friend who was impressed by her fiancé’s relative wealth but he’s mean! Yes there’s money but only for the things he wants to spend it on so how does that benefit her? By comparison my boyfriend earns roughly half of that (still a good salary) but he’s incredibly generous and makes me feel like I’m the most important part of his life. I have it much better with my country pub lunches whenever I fancy one than she does with her fancy dinners that I swear she …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 07:53 AM
213

Today’s in-person flirt came by way of a man at least twenty years my senior who joined me and my dog as we sheltered from the rain. His face lit up and he licked his lips as he looked me up and down. There is no limit to the amount of scrote I can turn down 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 05:33 PM
95

I just got back from holiday and will be seeing my boyfriend for the first time in over a week tomorrow. I have a UTI and just picked up a prescription for antibiotics. I told him on the phone and he expressed sympathy and asked if there’s anything he needs to pick up on his way over to make my weekend easier. First relationship I’ve been in where a blowjob comment wasn’t made. My bar is so low it’s ridiculous but I’m working on remembering this is how decent human beings behave rather than it b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 05:29 PM
161

Poor guy, he’s so confused as to whether she’s a cash cow or staff. /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 10:14 AM
3

I’d really appreciate this info as well, thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 06:57 AM
44

The real question would be how to find and attract FDS women since so many have eschewed OLD.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 08:08 AM
10

Urgh, networking events can be so frustrating. I’ve pretty much given up talking to men unless they’re referred by someone I trust because I’m sick of asking someone about the business service they provide with specific relation to my own business and they think that means I want to have sex with them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 06:49 PM
14

I honestly thought I’d struggle with ageing but it’s lovely. I feel like I’ve hit a sweet spot in that scrotes think I’ve hit a wall but I have the money for good skincare, beautiful clothing and a personal trainer so I feel pretty good about myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 06:42 PM
63

I’m friends with two notably short men who are both successful with women. Funny how they don’t have an issue with their wit and charm but height is the issue for the boring losers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 05:22 PM
8

I feel age gaps should be taken literally when you’re younger but a bit more figuratively when you’re older (i.e. you’re at an equal life stage in terms of career, home ownership etc).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 04:32 PM
16

Every dinner date I’ve had confirmed the booking time with me (as it was often not the exact suggested time) and I’ve never been stood up for dinner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 08:40 PM
110

My best ever date was the first one with my now boyfriend. I didn’t make my usual effort because I was talking to my friend (who I didn’t live with) in my kitchen and we were having a lovely time so I didn’t cut her off to go and get ready. I was also about to go on a solo holiday so I was a bit distracted. I was caught off guard because damn my man is fine but all he saw was my buzzy energy as I confessed I was flying in a matter of hours and had just been catching up with a girlfriend. He took…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 08:37 PM
68

Can you imagine having such a charmed life that you’re triggered by this kind of thing?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 06:37 AM
2

I can’t believe I’d never figured this out. My ex expected me to be unhappy with him. It’s obvious really.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 09:21 AM
8

That doesn’t mean much to my ex. He decided he’d rather watch porn and gamble than have a family and that’s what he does. He’s only really a parent on paper.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 12:58 PM
8

This. It really doesn’t matter whether you overreacted or not. Your reaction is your reaction and that doesn’t need defending. Your boundaries are your own.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 09:49 PM
9

This is a really good point. My sister is my best friend but my boyfriend doesn’t have any relationship with his.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 07:56 PM
28

This is my stance. A HVM has standards for how he conducts his life regardless of the woman he’s currently pursuing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 01:32 PM
92

I like this. I have one and get asked when I’m having another. I like to look them dead in the eye and say I found the whole experience completely overrated then sigh sadly. I’m an absolutely devoted mother and my son is the best thing that ever happened to me but I prefer to avoid rude people so shall stick to my preferred response.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 01:25 PM
70

Exactly. If he’s invested in you he’ll want to talk to you daily and will return with gifts because he was thinking about you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 07:39 AM
51

Meredith is the definitive Pickme. She literally has a pick me speech. I loved Greys Anatomy when it first came out but even this scene made me cringe. https://youtu.be/ax4Hu1zuGkI
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 07:00 AM
205

Rape isn’t a valid excuse for many men. My first boyfriend said it was a shame I wasn’t a virgin when we met. He was my first sexual partner. It never occurred to me prior to him that anyone would count my rapist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 06:48 AM
11

I did blacksmithing on an early date with my boyfriend. It was really fun and we got silly competitive. The physical exertion making his biceps look good certainly didn’t hurt the situation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 10:35 PM
21

It’s not exactly uncommon though. I’ve had plenty of dates as a Brit. Drinks are definitely more common than dinner though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 06:23 PM
100

I thought this. The world is literally set up for this stuff to be easy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 05:18 AM
50

No need. I did that 🤡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 04:55 AM
29

Julia from 1984 was a fun costume. I wore a men’s boiler suit and a red sash. I was so comfy and ate loads of food because it was huge on me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 08:09 PM
21

Let’s say you’re unreasonable and are overreacting. You’re not happy and that’s reason enough to change things. As it happens you aren’t being unreasonable or overreacting but you need to understand that you don’t need to meet anyone’s standard but your own.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 05:41 AM
44

This is the definition I use and agree it’s important for the reasons OP gave. My boyfriend is neither childless nor child free. He just didn’t have kids. I can’t have more and that’s not an issue for him, he’s also happy to spend lots of time with my son and has become a father figure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 05:12 AM
126

I loved Amy. My ex and I read the novel at the same time and while he liked it he didn’t get why I loved it. He was Nick. He had become someone I didn’t agree to marry. I was so angry and there was nowhere to put that anger because just communicate etc etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 06:12 PM
107

At the risk of lowering the tone… there was the guy that tried to style out a limp dick as tied to an impressive and therefore challenging career. Um sure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 09:51 PM
39

No that’d be fine because his friend is a human being. Women are merely objects.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 02:48 PM
2

I had an ex try and claim credit for my masters degree because he “supported” me (he didn’t) while I did it. I was pretty deluded in that relationship but burst out laughing at that one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 07:53 AM
27

Thanks, I’ll take a look. I’ve had therapy and am mostly good but because I still have to interact with him (we have a child together), understanding and working with him means it’s good to keep learning about these things. Just as we never stop vetting in relationships, we shouldn’t stop learning about those giving us scrotimony.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 08:23 PM
145

My husband left me then dragged out the divorce and was very bitter about me getting into a new relationship. I’m still a bit confused as to what he thought would happen. Him leaving made my life easier and I wanted to make it permanent. Him leaving was a reflection of his poor life decisions not my desirability as a partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 06:24 PM
4

Single mum to a now eight year old boy and I had a lot of internalised misogyny about that. Still, because I didn’t need a man I was quite picky and would only date very attractive, decent earning men. I met a great guy, made him wait to meet my son and then took things slowly. We’re now planning to move in together (I’m not convinced marriage is right for me as I’m 42 and successful) and I am nervous because it’s still scary even though he’s not given me reason to doubt him and he wants to shar…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 05:26 PM
30

I noticed our cat hasn’t been eating much so I suggested to my son that after school we go to the pet shop to see if there’s anything we can get for him as I think he’s just a bit hot. He immediately suggested we see if there’s some gravy we can chill for him (he’s been licking the gravy off his food and leaving the meat). Pets are just one approach but the key to my mind is to get him out if his head in terms of his wants and needs and to consider the experience of others. I was really pleased …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 09:43 PM
29

Planning dates should be a pleasure. My boyfriend and I are going on holiday and are sharing the planning. I want to stop in a cute town and he just called to say he’d found a lovely walk to go on. If this stuff feels like a chore, why are you even in a relationship?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 09:37 PM
4

I love weights for this reason. It was absolutely how I began true body acceptance. My thigh goals are based on crushing the skulls of those who perpetuate the patriarchy rather than some “gap.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 05:42 PM
29

Early in my relationship I asked my boyfriend what he liked in bed and he said clean sheets 😍 Last month he bought some new pillowcases as he felt the two that didn’t match the set weren’t as nice as the others. He’s so good at bed!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 08:15 PM
51

The way they throw themselves on the floor and wail when someone bumps into them makes me think of toddlers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 06:56 AM
20

I have beware of the dog signs and have never discouraged my dog from barking at the door. She’s the sweetest little thing that hides behind me when I open the door but you’d never know it from the signs and the noise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 05:27 PM
23

Exactly. I posted before about having a hysterectomy which funnily enough meant sex was off the cards for a while. What do you do then? Even once we resumed our sex life it was very cautious and led by me. Conflict resolution had no place in the bedroom (I’d argue it never does) for a long time for me so I’m glad we can talk like adults. I’m also a single mum with a deadbeat dad for an ex. Even if I was happy to fuck it out, are we meant to be frosty and awkward until we’re certain my preteen is…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 04:49 PM
63

You’re not high maintenance, he is low effort. I’m a little ashamed that it was my current beau who pointed that out to me because I was a bit over awed at some very basic gentlemanly behaviour and he pointed out that I’m a classy, educated and successful lady so wasn’t the bare minimum for him to respond to that? I found FDS after I met him and have been frantically sorting myself out ever since 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 04:41 PM
57

My boyfriend has a very beautiful female friend who is a lot younger than me and I was immediately seeing red flags. He was very “she’s like a younger sister” but I made it clear I needed to meet her… and yes, the dynamic for her is absolutely that she sees him in a paternal kind of way. Actually I’ve befriended her and she’s so lovely I understand why people adore her. But ALWAYS vetting. I really think this guy is legit but that doesn’t mean I’m going to put blinkers on!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 04:31 PM
48

One of grandmother’s told me, “If I was born in your generation I’d have left your Grandad years ago.” I was only twelve (yeah she was problematic in many ways) so struggled to say she still had choice but I certainly don’t fetishise 1950s marriages.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 06:20 PM
19

I think it’s worth noting that some of us are quite open to dating bald men but that means we fancy Jason Statham (for example) NOT that we have no standards. You always have a choice so if the hairline is receding, shave it off and hit the gym. I was with my boyfriend for a while before I asked when/why he shaved his head and he admitted it was because he started losing his hair (we’re both in our forties) and didn’t want a crap hairline. I literally didn’t care but then he has the most beautif…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 05:51 PM
11

😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 10:20 PM
34

I beg to differ unless my pornsick ex’s relationship with his hand counts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 10:08 PM
41

How do I inexperience this?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 09:24 PM
27

It’s bizarre. In these situations the woman is giving everything and he’s taking. Then he leaves and she feels liberated and free and begins to glow while he’s struggling to function. We see it all the time. Why do they think they’re the exception?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 05:01 PM
44

I’ve been lucky. I was so scared of having to go 50/50. The reality is that my ex barely sees our child and we have a beautiful life together.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 05:40 PM
6

That’s exactly it. Whenever looks are discussed it’s immediately apparent we all like different things. That’s what really gets the scrotes going because it reduces their ability to take the focus off the things they should be working on. It’s easier to hate on me if I say I’m dating a tall millionaire with a full head of hair but if I say I’m dating a short bald guy in a midrange job and not only does that fit my type but that he won me over with romantic gestures and loving sex while maintaini…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 06:51 AM
48

Being told, “You’re not high maintenance, he is low effort” changed my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 09:01 PM
8

This cracked me up as my divorce present to myself was a sportscar (that fits a child seat, a small dog and a food shop for two). Turns out my boyfriend is pretty nice and now has a relationship with my son. He always has to drive since he has a proper car 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 04:20 PM
2

40 something with a kid and I get them hitting on me via the DMs in my business account. It doesn’t matter what you look like - my account is of business stuff and not me but I have a female name so in come the offers to be my sugar daddy etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 11:58 AM
20

Mine left because my illness was “difficult for him” or rather, I was less useful as a resource so he went in search of a better bangmaid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 07:52 AM
38

So weird that after losing 14 stone of dead weight we’re lighter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 05:23 PM
228

I was a loyal and loving wife. When my ex left me, I absolutely used it as an opportunity to upgrade. It never occurred to me to think like that when I was married but once single I was far more aware of how men age like cheese so limited my search to men who prioritised exercise. Ex is still single and oddly cross about my ripped boyfriend 😁
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 05:19 PM
2

It’s so strange when you get to say, “oh so this is what you look like.” I do worry about the world but I try to be optimistic that I can raise a HV man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 04:51 PM
6

It wasn’t until I found FDS that I could make sense of why my ugly first husband was so keen to knock the confidence out of me. He was desperate for me to see myself as unattractive. My current boyfriend is good looking and tells me I’m beautiful. He’s not insecure because he knows he’s a good man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 03:22 PM
4

My former mother-in-law never understand why I wouldn’t take advice from her. My dear, I saw the kind of people your parenting produced and I’m not impressed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 05:31 PM
8

It’s a major trip. Unless you’ve a huge desire to procreate, don’t but my ex walked out on me and my son and it had zero impact on any regret. My body was trashed and I don’t care. Feeling him move inside me for the first time was mindblowing. I played with him before he was born by pressing gently when he kicked out. Cold drinks made him dance and he always wanted me to eat egg sandwiches. Since being born he’s hands down the best person I’ve ever met. He’s so funny and interesting. Motherhood …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 04:41 PM
2

They’re just so emotional and gold diggery. It’s all about big wins as opposed to hard work. In the two years I’ve been a single mum I’ve overpaid my mortgage by the maximum amount and paid into my LISA. It’s small unexciting stuff but I’m happy watching my net worth grow slowly as I become more financially secure and watch my retirement pot grow. My ex is no doubt in increasing debt as he waits for his golden opportunity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 04:25 PM
4

The thing is I’m not spontaneous with anyone other than my son (because we live together). Even my boyfriend and I make plans and we spend most weekends together. I recently went over to a friends for dinner that was booked three weeks in advance and am having friends for lunch this weekend that was booked a month ago. People are busy and we all respect each other’s time. Not wanting to plan actually makes me think people don’t have things going on in their lives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 02:20 PM
10

I’d never really thought about cheek caressing until my boyfriend held my face when he kissed me and I just melted. I have a past with BDSM and kink is BORING!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 12:56 PM
36

I need a lot of love and FDS has really helped me recognise that. In acknowledging it I’ve felt better able to ensure I get plenty of love. I’m a single mum to just one child so I get plenty of hugs, I have lots of pets and am close to my mother (she once walked out of a restaurant because her date was looking at his phone and not her. He chased her and begged her to come back and never did it again so I’m descended from a queen 👑even though I was a slow learner myself). I choose to date because…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 11:26 AM
26

I have a male personal trainer and it’s amazing how you can correct form with the lightest touch of a thumb. There are times when you need to touch clients but I hadn’t appreciated just how gross about it so many men are until I worked out with a decent man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 07:14 AM
27

I have OCD (diagnosed) and the other day my boyfriend asked if it was ok if he asked a personal question. I said sure, and it was what was going on with my OCD since I’d mentioned it when we first met but it didn’t seem like I had it. I realised I only really have it when in relationships with awful men (one ex was obsessed with fixing me by triggering it - he had no medical qualifications, he just got off on abuse) and because my boyfriend is nice to me I’m now largely fine. Do I even have OCD …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 04:00 PM
7

My ex neglected me during labour. I wish I’d had my mum there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 02:31 PM
110

“You being chronically ill has been hard on me.” I was lost for words. And then he was surprised I didn’t beg him to stay when he left me and our child.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/21 04:49 PM
3

That’s such an important point. When I started my company it was such hard work but as the years have gone by and I’ve established a reputation, my income has increased and I feel I hustle less. That’s how our careers ought to be!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 07:56 AM
1

I share your suspicions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 07:51 AM
4

This. Telling people my ex was a gambler and porn addict was mortifying. When I first got intimate with my boyfriend I realised I was going to have to tell him and that was so utterly hideous. I wanted to be light and have fun but I clearly had a trauma response (I thought I was hiding it ok, he stopped things because I clearly wasn’t). But you come out the other side. Everyone told me I shouldn’t feel humiliated and that he was pathetic and disgusting. I’ve had so much support and I’m really go…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 11:49 AM
23

The going their own way ones are so daft - they’re all going the same way and saying the same stuff. We get called an echo chamber but I hear about women buying property, women buying themselves jewellery, women focusing on work, women focusing on peace. The only common thing is taking the focus off men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 11:40 AM
26

I have quite a few tattoos and they’re mainly hidden. I’ve been asked if men can see them. None seem to work out that I get hidden ones because I got them for myself. It’s like it’s confusing to them because obviously they’re for attention.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 11:34 AM
9

Mine left some items he’d made for me despite me saying to take everything he wanted. I actually hung onto them from guilt for ages. After finding FDS I didn’t burn them or do anything dramatic. I just casually put them in the wheelie bin. And felt so much freer. Never again will an ex have any real estate!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 06:10 PM
48

This is how things went down for me. My ex left me and I let him. The surprise on his face when I held my hand out for his keys was bizarre (he honestly expected to keep a set). I had already met with my solicitor at that point. I guess I didn’t read the begging him to stay script.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 07:40 AM
1

I’ve no interest in self-titled super straight guys either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 06:44 AM
49

They’re heterosexual but homoromantic and I only want to date heterosexual and heteroromantic men. I don’t want to get into the mental gymnastics of any issues they have. Deal with your fragile masculinity, come out liking as well as desiring women and we can see if we are attracted to each other but if you don’t like women then please stay away. Thankfully the homoromantics generally tell you very quickly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 04:23 PM
9

I’m not convinced I’ll marry again so will require a stunning ring with a big diamond after an incredible proposal (I like the city break ideas). I don’t need another husband so it’s on him to really woo me, to demonstrate my life would be better committed to him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 05:37 PM
23

I do! 😁
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 08:25 PM
33

I had a second date with a guy at a field of a specialist plant. He picked me up, he bought me tea, he bought my entry, he drove me back via a cute riverside pub. It’s not rocket science.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 06:33 PM
21

I didn’t have the words for it before the FDS podcast but a lot of it is the skin texture. It’s not just the scar tissue, the skin gets rough and thick. The skin (just the skin!) should be soft and smooth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 10:40 AM
31

This is a perfect example of why having preferences isn’t inherently problematic because I prefer men uncircumcised. It’s not like we all hold the same ideal. Except perhaps for porn abused dicks but that’s within the man’s control.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 10:34 AM
73

I thought I found motherhood hard. I didn’t, I found being married to a LVM hard. My life is lovely now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 10:26 AM
18

Is it C or a subset of A when you’re hanging around until your friend leaves his wife then you finally move in only to find she’s sad about her marriage breakdown and all your friendly interactions had no meaning to her beyond you being her husbands friend? Apparently me being shocked that my ex’s friend made a move days after he left was me sending mixed signals. Because I’d always been so nice to him... at parties... stood next to my husband. Where was the flirtation? I’d literally never been …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 07:56 PM
99

I base it on behaviour and not what my boyfriend says. So rather than worry that he lies about not using it, I don’t think about it and look at what he’s like in bed. My ex was a porn addict so I had some comparisons as a starting point. Clues include penis sensitivity which relates to death grip. Does he react to very gentle touch or does he barely notice? Can he tell if you’ve had an orgasm from PIV because he can feel it? During foreplay and sex is he in his mind or in his body. Porn users ar…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 09:33 AM
103

Please if you’re a parent, buy Good Pictures, Bad Pictures and read it to your kids. There ARE tools out there for us. I’d love to hear any one else’s recommendations for resources we can use to protect our kids.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 09:20 AM
86

I think this is a Reddit scrote thing. Yesterday I was with my boyfriend and a male friend and they gave each other compliments about how they’ve clearly been working out and a recent promotion at work. I compliment my boyfriend and I know he likes it but it’s not like I’m the only person who recognises his value and comments on it as he has a positive friendship group.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 09:09 AM
27

Congratulations, I hope you’re planning something lovely to celebrate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/21 07:13 AM
48

“Looking for someone to make memories with” - my wife left me and I literally can’t function. I need someone to take over all of my life admin and go 50/50 on holidays with although I’ll be bringing my kids with me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 05:55 PM
21

Loves adventures is so accurate it hurts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 05:53 PM
24

I remember being impressed by a guy I had slept with for the first time the night before insisted on a conversation in the morning. He’d spooned up to me, got aroused and I was brushing against him but he wanted my verbal consent and to check I was actually awake before he started actually touching me. I thought that was so sweet. Sweet? What the fuck past pickmeisha me? It wasn’t a win that you shagged a guy and it turned out he wasn’t a rapist!!! ETA: All the others had been.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 06:43 PM
42

He tried to enter her before ascertaining she was fully aroused? That’s not ok. If dryness is an issue but you’re eager then use lube but don’t have sex with a guy who hasn’t at least approached the area gently first to see where you’re at.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 06:28 PM
38

The contrast is fantastic! I’m so glad I’m a woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 02:00 PM
12

I promise you cleaners don’t care how nice your house is. All they care about is getting a fair wage and being treated with respect. I’m a single mum and have a cleaner not because I’m rich or spoilt but because I cannot do everything alone and I prefer to pay someone than engage in the delusion that living with a man would make life easier. There are many types of people who pay for domestic help, I’d say my cleaner is my biggest monthly spend after mortgage, bills and food but I deserve to liv…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 08:44 AM
28

I’m getting so sick of caring about other women being rebranded as judging other women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 05:36 AM
32

I honestly don’t know how I found the time to be married. I certainly couldn’t give up my early nights with a mug of tea and a book.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 10:52 AM
22

Oh there’s plenty I did (and do!) wrong. I’m far better than I was with my ex but old habits die hard. Still, the first step for me was deciding my time was precious and if I was going to date then those dates had better be worth it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 06:37 AM
69

I met my boyfriend via OLD and while I’d do some things differently now, I was pretty FDS. He suggested drinks and I said I wanted dinner. He replied he preferred to go for something more low key and I said good for him... then he asked me out for dinner when he realised I had nothing more to say on the subject. They can date how they like but if they want to date me, they meet my standard. Sure it’ll put loads of them off but they’re the ones who wouldn’t be buying me flowers etc. My boyfriend …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 06:10 AM
6

I don’t really blame my vagina for my endometriosis so I’m going to go with being raped as the most annoying thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 05:47 PM
30

And honestly I think a boyfriend should make walks special. I’ve been taken to a woodland lit up with fairy lights that he heard about, we’ve stopped at a nice view and he’s pulled a mini bottle of wine from a cooler and poured me a glass etc. It’s pretty easy with social media to find cute spots or events and it’s really not hard to buy a small bottle of wine or kombucha or something a little bit out of the ordinary.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 07:12 AM
4

Kudos, you are a plate /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/21 07:37 PM
25

I often wonder if any of these women have seen a micro penis. Prior to encountering one I said size didn’t matter. I still slept with the guy (I didn’t want to be mean 🙄) but it was pretty awful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/21 05:52 AM
7

I mentioned it earlier on another post but “basic” is one of my favourites. Why yes, I DO take pleasure in the simple things and have joy in my life you sad bitter little manlet. Amusingly, in addition to being basic, I’m hard work and high maintenance. Quite the mental gymnastics to make that work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 08:40 PM
6

Urgh this one is pathetic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 08:36 PM
2

Well then stop giving this wide and varied group of women the exact same experiences of male entitlement. Fresh stories need you to stop with the same lame scripts!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 06:20 PM
5

That’s partly why I like it now. Scrotes love to tell on themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 12:45 PM
23

I absolutely own being basic. It doesn’t work as an insult on me. I like snuggly jumpers and kicking leaves in autumn, I like getting excited about a trip to the beach. Ooh and brunch! And candles! My boyfriend and friends all say the same thing of me - I take pleasure in life and am fun to be around. Dancing around the kitchen to 80s music and baking cupcakes is one of the many reasons why they love me. Because happy people are nice to be around and my cakes are the bomb. I pity the people that…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 08:20 AM
12

I highly recommend watching Crazy Ex-Girlfriend for this. Rachel Bloom is a genius on this topic. Love Kernels is mortifyingly on point: https://youtu.be/bkAjUBtn_TM
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 07:52 AM
48

Because they know despite their trash talk, they’re pinching above their weight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 11:14 AM
20

The best pickmes don’t even hear the lies in the first place.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/21 09:46 PM
24

But now you have established what it is, you can take control over it. You can continue to feel silly about it or you can feel excited about moving into a new amazing stage of your life. And know you’re not alone here. I am mortified at my own pickme past but am doing really well now thanks to FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/21 06:10 AM
77

I’m pretty flexible but when I was with my fat ex we watched Rock of Ages and I was literally drooling over Tom Cruise (who I had never fancied before). My ex was amused that I liked a short, skinny guy with trashy tattoos. Now I’m not saying the universe gives us what we ask for but... I’m really liking dating a guy with a flat stomach with stunning ink. He’s not very tall but he’s so fucking hot! Ex is still single. This adds nothing of merit to the discussion but it pleases me to share.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 07:48 PM
19

Hell hath no fury like me when I get called a mumpreneur. Like I get that most men can’t be successful in business and a good parent at the same time but I promise you it’s not that hard to do. Top tip: do it single!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 07:41 PM
18

My ex loved the pain. It took me ages to work out that he actually liked being a victim and resented me trying to take that away from him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 05:48 PM
3

There are agencies where you can board dogs in your own home. I make enough to pay for a holiday each year doing it and we have a few regulars. The owners like that their beloved pet is staying somewhere familiar where they’re treated as a pet. You can do it with a dog of your own or not. I go through an agency because they sort out all the insurance and government standards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/21 08:53 AM
77

I indulge in emotional masturbation as I think of it now and again. Rather than pretend it’s not a need I have, I play it out a bit then get on with my day. By thinking of it as a little thing I do and being determined not worry too much about it, it doesn’t have too much power over me. I shortlisted some wedding dresses the other night. I have no intention of marrying any time soon, if at all, but I had an itch I decided to scratch. I now think of this as funny as I take a coffee break from run…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/21 09:23 AM
36

To be fair we’re usually the only ones doing any parenting 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 05:30 PM
31

Same with my ex. For the longest time I thought the high sex drive and him lasting a long time was a good thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 03:56 PM
138

I was genuinely horrified when I watched Dirty John. To the extent that when I met my lovely time flexible boyfriend I insisted on a date near him early on so I could check out his house in case he was flexible because he was hobosexual. Turns out he owns a lovely house, out earns me by a LOT and is generous as hell.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 03:14 PM
32

Babies are parasites. They take everything they need from the host so if you’re not eating enough of something the baby will take from your reserves. I had horrendous “morning” sickness and a week after giving birth weighed what I did when I conceived due to gaining so little weight but my son was still perfectly healthy. Obviously I was happy for him to take so much from me but he occupied more than just my uterus!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 05:30 AM
57

Look up Manic Pixie Dream Girl by Olivia Gatwood on YouTube. I was my ex-husband’s. It’s a projection.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/21 03:47 PM
48

I have an LVC 😒
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/21 07:26 AM
6

This is how I feel. The point I want to check is the time to listen to my gut. Because even if it comes back fine, something made me check.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 03:41 PM
85

Since you have a spy hole, get a Ring doorbell (or other similar type thing). They’re quick to install, they enable you to get a clear picture in the dark, you can use the mic to speak to delivery drivers so you don’t have to open the door and you can save the videos should you ever need evidence of harassment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 07:57 AM
7

Which is a tragic indication of their self-esteem. How pathetic you must be if you can get aroused to feeling powerful over feeling desired.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 07:52 AM
48

I agree. There’s something really quite strange about men who don’t need a woman to be really really into what’s happening in order to enjoy themselves. Aside from are you not even attracted to her but what’s going on with your self-esteem that you’re ok with that?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 07:53 PM
15

That’s hilariously awful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 10:08 AM
152

Scrotes: This is what a HVW is. FDS: Nope. Scrotes: Yes! It IS what I say it is. You can’t just deny me. FDS: ... Scrotes: Muuuuuuuuuuuum!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 09:23 AM
9

The bar absolutely is in hell. I’m in love but is he a HVM or have I simply found a man who can hold a decent conversation and doesn’t watch porn? I’m trying to vet carefully because I’m brutally aware I mustn’t overvalue him having the basics.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 07:23 PM
54

She seems confused. Sex didn’t work with my porn addicted loser ex because he wrecked his penis with death grip and cognitive function with bullshit. When my lovely boyfriend and I have had a tiring week (we don’t live together) then sex is magical and wonderful way to reconnect but that’s because we actually respect and love each other before the act plus most importantly HIS PENIS AND BRAIN STILL WORK PROPERLY.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 04:00 PM
45

It’s like they can’t find the content to fuel the point they’re trying to make.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 03:42 PM
16

Don’t ever criticise anything I do or say or I’ll throw a tantrum over your drama.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 07:42 AM
4

I just sent you a message as I’d rather not put my answer here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/21 08:06 AM
10

My ex left and the cold I couldn’t shift for three years went away. We really need to pay attention to our bodies!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 07:07 PM
23

Yeah, I’m not into THAT kind of vanilla. I like the really creative funky vanilla my boyfriend serves up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 01:49 PM
50

Same. My boyfriend is completely vanilla and has more hobbies and interests than any other man I’ve met. He likes sex but it doesn’t occupy that much headspace for him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 01:46 PM
27

You’ve left now and that’s worth celebrating as well as getting into the course of your dreams. Things are going to get so good for you now!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 06:11 AM
42

I get physical and emotional intimacy from holding hands when we walk, cuddling on the sofa and snogging in the kitchen. When it comes to sex, I expect orgasms.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 05:37 AM
78

I’m 42 and just decided on the degree I want to do. I’m pretty sure this is an important decision.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 08:26 PM
53

“Or whatever” reveals that this is a mystical concept to this scrote. How does one have a woman eager to have sex with you? He has no idea.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 09:10 AM
45

My ex refused to do any homeschooling because he’s so busy and important. His house is disgusting and he looks like hell. My son has been excelling at school while I’ve homeschooled. I’ve done house renovations and run my company while taking care of him. I also fit in major surgery and have just started a new degree because I fancy a career change. My ex has actually been trying to hit me up for emotional support recently because he thinks he’s having such a hard time. I clearly have it easy be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/21 05:47 AM
33

In shallow graves?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 05:53 AM
10

I love doing this. I particularly like drinking alone when I travel. Me, a cocktail and a sunset is just wonderful. If a man approaches, gesture to a waiter and ask them to find them a table!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 01:53 PM
6

I have a couple that help with gardening, DIY etc in addition to having a cleaner. I also have my staff (company payroll) double up with personal tasks so my personal tax return is handled alongside company accounts and my PA handles life as well as business admin. But these are things you can buy in even if you have a job. A virtual assistant will do from a couple of hours a month and if you get brain fog and exhaustion it’s an absolute game changer. Mine has sorted a travel insurance claim, fo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 12:34 PM
9

Anyone who looks at a perfectly healthy newborn baby boy and thinks they need to cut part of him away needs to examine what has led them to this point. Even if you disagree that the foreskin plays a role in sex, it’s largely agreed the appendix serves no purpose in humans yet we don’t give our babies appendectomies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 06:00 AM
44

I really don’t like the word sabotage. My ex used to say my body hates me (I have multiple autoimmune diseases) and he’s wrong. My body loves me. Now it’s not the brightest (clearly) as it attacks all the wrong stuff - I’ll be crippled by a cold because it’s focusing on destroying something helpful BUT everything it does is for the good of the body. So I try not to judge too harshly, it’s doing the best it can. Poor confused immune system forgiven, I remember everyone has their battles and that …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 05:18 AM
95

I took a taxi to A&E and the driver took the opportunity to tell me about his back pain. He had asked me if I was on my way to work but didn’t listen when I said I was really ill.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/21 05:34 AM
33

My ex hid that he under supported my step kids throughout our marriage. I only found out after he left me and was largely done with our child. Men who don’t raise their kids are the worst. I’d never have stayed had I know he wasn’t paying his first ex wife properly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 05:46 AM
17

My mum and I have the same large round bum. She got teased endlessly for hers, I have always been complimented on mine. It really helped me see how ridiculous beauty ideals are if a generation can completely flip one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 06:43 AM
24

It’s all bad because it comes from the same place - trying to put us down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 06:41 AM
61

In my experience the uglier the guy, the nastier the personality. I’m done with ugly, I want to be with someone who is nice to me!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 02:16 PM
53

My ex cited my poor health as one of the reasons for leaving me. I nursed him through his poor health.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 06:10 PM
15

Did any of you see Spread? It was an Ashton Kutcher film where he basically did this but with the goal to stay months with a woman. It’s probably an inspiring film for some scrotes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/21 05:55 PM
56

My boyfriend has a very short sculpted beard so I didn’t think he’d look much different without it. He shaved it off to prove how much difference it makes. I tried not to let it show on my face how much less attractive I found him. Luckily he found it funny (he has that facial hair for a reason!) and it had grown back by the time I saw him. It’s not like he was suddenly ugly but he’s seriously hot with the beard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 05:24 PM
51

Peak for who? I don’t want to date a pedophile. I want to date decent men who are the right age for me. My boyfriend is 45 and is attracted to women who share his interests and experiences. I was a desirable age for him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 12:29 PM
23

My ex used to praise me so much for being low maintenance. My boyfriend praises me for being so cute in my excitement at all the little gifts and things he does for me (he does stuff for Birthdays, Valentine’s etc but celebrates all kinds of random things for me). Two very different types of men there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 06:11 AM
14

I met my boyfriend on Bumble. His profile was interesting and well written. We fell into an immediate banter. Our first date was fun and he asked me out again via text the moment he got home. He was upfront about liking me for the beginning and was romantic without love bombing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 08:51 PM
39

That’s quite the mental gymnastics!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 02:16 PM
3

I get them sliding into my business Instagram account with these messages and by the time I see them, they’ve had a whole little engagement lasting all day by themselves. I check it once or twice a day at best FOR WORK. My account is mostly product pictures so I’m not sure how they’re confusing me with a pick me posting selfie’s.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 10:54 AM
41

My ex did all the DIY and now I recognise it was absolutely a way to get out of the stuff that didn’t interest him. I’d spend a day spring cleaning, he’d get a trip to the DIY shop (getting a coffee and a pastry while he was out), sort through his tools, fix a few bits and pieces, eat the lunch I made around my cleaning then return to the “task.” At the end of the day I’d be exhausted and he’d be all positive about our productive day. I would be angry but couldn’t say why.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 07:17 AM
6

I recently had surgery but organised things to support the mum of one of my kid’s friends. She knows I’ve been very ill but last night tried guilt tripping me into doing more. I felt frustrated until I had the absolute clarity that she’s LV and I don’t need to engage with her ever. I owe her absolutely nothing. So I told her no and blocked her. No LV people ever. Not for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 07:27 AM
12

PMS is a blessing. It’s our body cutting through the baby making hormones and giving us extra clarity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 07:20 AM
12

FDS women have the most interesting fetishes!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 06:12 AM
123

You get the impression she’s the type that showers daily and always puts fresh clothes on afterwards. You know, that weird kind that washes up and cleans the kitchen before she goes to bed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 08:17 AM
18

I don’t feel unsafe travelling but the idea of ordering a drink at sunset in my pretty new dress and not being hit on sounds lovely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 07:04 AM
22

I agree and find them calling us incels reveals their disregard and disrespect for actual incels. Yet the incels don’t seem to notice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 06:45 AM
4

Yes. My first abuser ran very short cycles, my second ran very long cycles. It took me a long time to recognise what the second was doing because it was so different (although ultimately the same).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 07:36 PM
161

Even when they’re recognised as great, their work is minimised. Just look at the Mary Wollstonecraft statue. She wrote A Vindication of the Rights of Women and the statue commemorating her is of a naked woman! It’s so insulting!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 07:22 PM
8

Same. I’m sat here in the sunshine in love with love itself 🥰
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 03:46 PM
2

I had a shiatsu treatment lasts week and my practitioner is really wonderful. I have a huge need for touch but think this is something that can be quite fun to explore. Read up on barefoot mindfulness practise as that can be incredible. I also have a huge houseplant collection and pet them as well as stroking my animal pets. It’s not as good as great sex but it’s a lot better than bad sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 02:33 PM
16

I think it’s interesting when I disagree with something. I sit on it and ponder it. I question why it evoked that reaction in me. To question the validity of the “rule” without doing that inner work first would be arrogant and immature.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 08:12 AM
16

Lilies not willies 🪴
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 07:11 AM
9

I lift weights as well and thing all women should at least give it a go. I’ve lifted on and off for two years (off due to lockdown) and am yet to get at all “big” (because that’s not my goal and you have to work really hard for that to happen). The biggest change hasn’t been my improved health and frankly incredible arse, it’s been my mindset. It calms me down, makes me positive and feel like I can do anything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 07:08 AM
5

My ex tries this now and again. I don’t take his calls. FaceTime needs to be booked. He does not get access to my home without my permission.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 03:40 PM
5

My ex had a few flags but they were orange at worst. He changed when I was pregnant. We’d been together three years at that point. I totally stopped vetting around 18 months.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 08:55 AM
20

FDS, where we kick back against the patriarchy and share high protein breakfast tips in a single post. I’d like to add the suggestion of cinnamon in coffee. It tastes amazing and helped me transition when I was cutting sugar out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 03:50 AM
175

Quite. I’d call out my friends for bad behaviour but pretty isn’t the tax we have to pay in order to live as women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 09:41 AM
25

This is the absolute beauty of FDS. I’m increasingly confident my bloke is HV (although I’ll never stop vetting again!) but it’s neither here nor there whether I’m in a relationship. I have fallen pretty hard and was thinking about my future with him but there’s now been a shift in me and that excitement has been turned towards a career change. I’d love nothing more than to have my happily ever after with him but that’s not a goal, it’s a nice to have. The goal is passing the course I’ve started…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 06:28 AM
14

I adore my child and have zero issue with women who don’t want kids. You do you, go forth and be happy. After all, it affects me not one iota. I can’t wrap my head around what there is to judge.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 06:47 PM
18

Nobody made him watch porn. Nobody was stopping him from improving his life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 08:22 AM
51

I’m currently in a hospital bed after having a hysterectomy for my endo. It’s been less than two days since I had surgery and I feel so much better already. One doctor prescribed Prozac for my “sensitivity to perceived pain” without doing any tests. The endo had stuck my bowel, uterus, ovaries and cervix.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 07:05 AM
3

My ex gave the bare minimum but was so needy himself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 06:58 AM
8

Maybe he should have his own toilet. In a different house.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 06:54 AM
2

The mind reader comment makes me roll my eyes so hard. One of my friends only drinks peppermint tea so I bought some before she came over the first time. Just notice other people and be nice to them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 06:52 AM
21

My LVM leaving was just lovely. My life got better overnight. I remember having some girlfriends over with their kids and they were so sympathetic before complaining about their husbands. I felt bad for them!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 06:21 AM
3

I WAS a bit jaded and bitter. Instead of calling me out on it, because he liked me, my boyfriend was just kind. He was consistent in his affection and I fell for him. He recently said he knew I was still wary and that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. I’m sure he fits the definition of a simp to many LVM but I can’t imagine him caring since he has a girlfriend he’s madly in love with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 03:15 AM
7

This exactly. I’ve zero desire to support a man financially. I work hard and enjoy a decent lifestyle and a man needs to add to that not drag me down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 02:58 AM
221

The best people to me are my friends. My friendship is an absolute prize to be won.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 02:41 AM
16

I love “wall of abundance” as I absolutely feel that way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 02:30 AM
17

I have to see my ex because we have a child together. He’s a complete narcissist and my indifference drives him mad. For ages I tried to reason with him (to be a better father) but I’ve stopped doing that and am getting much better at not giving explanations for my decisions. He’s a tedious bit of life admin to me and nothing more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 02:15 AM
30

I always loved that bit in Titanic at dinner where Rose tells Jack that the men will now leave to smoke cigars and congratulate themselves on being masters of the universe. She knew better than to settle for an LVM in a nice suit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 02:06 AM
11

I do this as well. My boyfriend was taken aback when he made a comment about caring about me and I said I didn’t really care and that what mattered was whether his actions made me feel cared for. But after reflecting on it, he said it made a lot of sense and I think it’s changed how he interacts with other people as well (he’s really nice and used to let people off if he thought they meant well).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 03:04 AM
12

FDS has been wonderful for me. In the few months I’ve been here I’ve made a decision about a life goal and on Valentines Day I ordered a beautiful vintage ring to wear on my left ring finger as a promise to myself about making it happen. I’d never have thought of buying myself an engagement type ring. I’ve also decided to further my education and am embracing some medical treatment I need as an opportunity. That looks like levelling up my home life, education and health to me. I’m not sure what …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 08:28 AM
23

Any man who wants to have sex with a woman without her giving enthusiastic consent hates women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 07:47 AM
148

That was my take. I hadn’t found FDS when I was on OLD but I still broke things off with any guy that took more than a day or so to reply to a message. One was actually online when I sent an “ok bye” (as I said, pre-FDS) and asked me why. I said I wasn’t interested in anyone not eager to date me. He argued I was being unreasonable and I pointed out I had eight active conversations and not enough time, energy or inclination to continue with any that were on the fence about me. My boyfriend texted…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 10:12 AM
61

I don’t know any women who haven’t experienced it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 01:31 PM
18

It’s just a life thing! How fun can I make the time I spend with my family and friends? How lovely can I make my home? How yummy can I make my dinner? What was I thinking wasting my joyful energy on a man who thought that stuff was a chore!!! I’m so glad I found FDS because I’m still unpicking so much of his LVM idiocy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 09:58 AM
44

My ex left because he was exhausted from the effort (I’m still unsure as to what effort the porn sick debt addled moron was putting in) of being a husband and father. He’s now living alone and sees the kids as little as he can while having enough to post on social media about what a great dad he is. Meanwhile my boyfriend and I are continually out romancing each other because being mildly competitive about how special you can make someone feel is such a nice way to spend your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 08:52 AM
69

“... as the decades grind on...” is not how I’d like to envision growing old together.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 08:28 AM
13

I’d argue that as a student you were absolutely in the correct position to be questioning things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/21 07:27 AM
5

This has been my experience as well. I’m sure my ex thought he was great because I always did.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 12:55 PM
34

On the occasion a man I’ve been with has lost his erection (because it does happen sometimes) there have been one of two outcomes. Either sex stopped or he shrugged it off and gave me oral. With the first, that is a deal breaker for me. With the second, it barely registers with me unless it becomes a common occurrence. So where is the performance anxiety coming from? It’s not from us!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 08:26 AM
49

I waited a year before I introduced my boyfriend to my kid. I just didn’t see the need. Like, what would it actually achieve or how would it benefit me or my son? A former friend introduced her latest man within weeks and had him babysitting for her and it made me so uncomfortable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 08:08 AM
105

I’ve no desire for a claw machine but I am wondering what else the place she bought it from sells.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 03:59 PM
39

Shortness is an excuse. My boyfriend is short and I prefer it because I’m short. He’s previously dated women who either don’t care or prefer shorter guys and just didn’t worry about the women who have a height preference. If height is the excuse being used you know it’s because there’s something awful about their personality or self-care. Very very few people are actually ugly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 09:58 AM
11

I think looks tell you a lot about a person because we can all work with what we have. I have terrible skin naturally but I invest a lot of time and energy into it so actually it’s usually soft and glowy. My boyfriend doesn’t like his chin so has a well shaped short beard which really suits him. Obviously there are some things we can’t improve but an ironed shirt and clean nails make so much more of a difference than many men realise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 07:31 AM
5

Yeah, I want peace, pleasure and ease. Right now my boyfriend is building a Lego model with my son (not his child) while I take an hour to drink tea. The point of a relationship is to look after each other and make each other’s lives easier. I’m happy to dote on my man if we’re established and I’m doted on myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 10:01 AM
31

I’ve noticed I increasingly enjoy the company of older women. Maybe we should all just take up bridge and drink sherry with them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 08:22 AM
46

I’m a single mum and wouldn’t date a man with kids. I was told that was hypocritical and unrealistic. Ended the “friendship” (she was so bitter and negative while desperately wanting a man to save her) and met my childfree boyfriend shortly after. Being single would be fine so why not have what I want? Similarly I don’t have to take a holiday so I’m picky about where I go. I don’t have to have flowers so if I can’t find some I love, I just pass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 07:08 PM
93

Whenever I read about people like you saying they’d go home rather than continuing the activity you want to do, I wonder if there isn’t something underhand at play. Women’s bathrooms are still a fairly recent thing. Victorian Women used to stay closer to home due to a lack of toilets for them to use. I fear we’ll see that return if we don’t have safe spaces. https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/public-toilets-listed-status-urinary-leash-a9700826.html
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 06:57 PM
5

I thought that!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 05:58 PM
20

They need to tell us their cocks are so important because even heterosexual women who like them aren’t wowed enough. Dude, getting hard, staying hard and knowing what to do with it is the minimum.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 05:56 PM
5

Exactly. We’re not a unanimous group here and each have our own deep and valid inner and outer life. A HVM for me would look very different to another woman’s HVM because while we largely speaking share a set of standards, the idiosyncrasies that make a person special and unique will appeal to different women. I’m not with my boyfriend because he fits some alpha type mould. I’m with him because while meeting the standards of behaviour we describe as HV, he is interesting and exciting to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 07:25 PM
20

I’m more gracious towards my boyfriend. I’m buying my son something expensive and out of nowhere he said he wants to give me money so I can exactly what I want. Previously I’d have said he didn’t need to do that but thanks to FDS I said thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 05:52 PM
9

What does this “society” do for me? Because I just upped my home security after a weird phone call and frankly would rather have spent the money on dirty chai lattes and snickers brownies from the new place in town.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 05:05 PM
53

Could you reframe it to being a HVW in training? Why don’t you value yourself?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 06:21 PM
3

I’d do it. It’s so much harder to help a cat lose weight than a dog since you can’t make them exercise so I’d want it to everything to avoid it gaining the weight in the first place.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 10:53 AM
15

It really is. This woman was clearly a mess and they exploited her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 09:15 AM
6

Thank you. I fully intend to take my recovery very gently.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 09:08 AM
11

This sounds like my ex. We used to share custody of the dog but I ended it due to his poor treatment of her. Shame I can’t stop him seeing my kid who he takes a picture with then ignores. My son is so pick-me with him and it breaks my heart.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 07:20 AM
4

I’ve only been told to shower once. Either the night before or in the morning but I’ll double check at my pre-op. She’ll also be kept away immediately after surgery as you’re absolutely right, it’s just not worth it. I will be taking all the drugs on offer. I have nothing to prove there!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 07:10 AM
47

After I broke up with my last ex I filled several journals. I had so much that I’d bottled and needed to get out. It took months. Never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 05:33 AM
7

It showed up on an MRI at a specialist endometriosis clinic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 05:15 AM
2

I was pretty much done with OLD when I happened upon my now boyfriends profile. It was so well written and interesting but referenced something I was unfamiliar with. I sent him a message asking “what is x?” He sent me a detailed reply following up with an interesting question related to the topic. I was pretty taken aback as it seemed like it was all about me and our conversation. I think that’s it. What worked for me wouldn’t work for a load of you. The key is an honest interaction based upon …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 10:28 PM
34

He is cute (in many ways) but I think the FDS lesson here is that I shouldn’t be all “my man is HVM, aren’t I lucky?” just because he’s not attached to his phone. It’s sad that initially I thought this was a great sign whereas now I think, why would any woman want to be with a man who can’t keep his hand off his phone. We were on a date, of course he should be focused on me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 08:19 PM
58

I run a company and have a child. Admittedly I have a weak bladder but I can check my messages when I go to the bathroom. It’s not hard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 06:53 PM
4

This sucks so much. I bought myself a “promise ring” from Etsy for a goal I’m going to achieve (who needs a vision board when you have 💍) and would like to support fellow queens.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 04:23 PM
234

On my first (dinner) date with my boyfriend he went to get more drinks and I was just gazing out of the window watching the people outside (it had rained and it was a prettily lit area so it was a nice scene to muse over. That decided it for him. He loved that I didn’t pull out my phone. Naturally this means he wasn’t on his phone either (we dated for over a month before I even saw it) but was instead taking in the scene and the opportunity to check me out. It seemed such a small funny thing at …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/21 03:54 PM
3

At my worst I’d have always found that profile frightening. Even if he doesn’t turn on you, you’re going to be giving a statement to the police because of a bar fight he started.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/21 06:49 PM
26

I believe my boyfriend either doesn’t or watches very little based on the sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 12:37 PM
7

I’m through my ex’s shitty treatment of me for the most part but only because I let myself be angry. I’m still angry on a regular basis at his shortcomings as a father though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 07:59 AM
2

I’m in a loving relationship with a guy who seems pretty great. However, lockdown means he’s the only adult I spend any time with. I feel it puts too much pressure on the relationship and really miss spending proper time with my friends and family. I’m trying to focus on post-lockdown goals.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 05:09 PM
2

I wouldn’t settle for him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 04:35 PM
14

That’s a good point. My ex had his own place but it was full of his family’s cast offs and was ugly despite being a very stylish flat. When I went into my boyfriend’s house it was a completely different story; art on the walls, a few houseplants etc. He’s the first man I’ve dated who wasn’t a “project.” I’m so over fixing up men!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 12:48 PM
3

Mine didn’t apologise. What the hell was I thinking?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 02:14 PM
3

“That feels cold to me” is your answer I think. Some women wouldn’t mind but you do and you’re the person that matters.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 01:21 PM
37

I just laughed Diet Coke out of my nose at sunken scrote fallacy. Thanks a lot!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 01:14 PM
7

Just choked laughing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 10:37 PM
15

My male cat brought a mouse and laid it out for me. I’m choosing to take it as a win 😬
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 10:23 PM
24

These days I am all about maintaining my peace. It’s literally the opposite of being dramatic. I just refuse to get embroiled in any of that stuff.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 10:21 PM
31

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” I don’t care what you meant for it to feel like. It’s not about you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 09:31 PM
111

I got my son to make my mum a card. I thanked my boyfriend for the flowers when he came over but told my son that it’s just what you do. Raising a HVM is so much more than finding and dating a HVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 09:29 PM
19

I sleep with someone every night who loves me without question and is utterly devoted. Her breath is a bit stinky and she sheds a lot of hairs but you can’t beat a chihuahua with enough attitude to be the big spoon.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 06:29 PM
78

That I am not a hypocrite in being focused on the important emotional connection but thinking gifts count. My ex’s were so LVM and I was all cool girl in agreeing flowers etc were silly. My current boyfriend (still under vetting for HVM status - I guess that’s another thing I’ve learned) bought me amazing flowers for the most superfluous of reasons very early on and I was all, “that’s not necessary” and he called me out on that as I sounded so insanely happy on the phone and why would he not wan…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 06:02 PM
1

My Spotify playlist just got a few new songs. Many thanks. I also just found a gorgeous vintage ring online that I bought as a promise ring to remember all the wise words I read here as I devote myself to my own better life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 05:44 PM
2

I’m meeting my mum for a walk tomorrow and am taking flowers and chocolates. Love her to bits!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 03:53 PM
8

Roses are red Violets are blue < dog’s name > is my favourite But you’re ok too I actually wrote this in my card to my boyfriend of eighteen months.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 03:47 PM
10

It’s a balance. The older I get, the more I realise I can want it all. What I love most is how my boyfriend makes little welcome plates for me when I go over and he won’t have finished work (he puts a bottle of wine, a glass, a cute mug and arranges teabags on a tray) but that doesn’t mean he should stop with the big stuff (my Valentines bouquet was full of weird alien looking tulips and purple roses rather than being “pretty”). Show me you care with your time and effort with cute teabag display…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 03:37 PM
11

I think the constantly vetting is so important. My ex waited until he felt secure with me before the really shitty behaviour kicked in. The current guy seems pretty great but there’s no point at which he can let the good stuff slide.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/21 11:22 AM
11

I went into it thinking my husband would stand by me. I think planning via AI is probably more realistic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 10:02 PM
42

Of course. They are establishing the parameters for what is acceptable in their marriage. It makes your blood run cold.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 09:34 PM
9

I love the idea of references although I suspect it almost is a thing. I am friends with the wife of a former fling (good guy, just not for me) and have met my boyfriend’s most recent ex (dating a woman, it really wasn’t about him!).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 09:22 PM
33

Show me your peer defended thesis that got published in a valid journal and I’ll listen Dr Neckbeard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 06:30 PM
94

Him: Hi I hate women. Me: So weird, I suddenly fused shut like Barbie. I don’t think I can ever have sex again. Thanks for that!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 06:08 PM
24

My kid asked why my boyfriend was coming tomorrow instead of tonight (as he usually does) and I said he wanted to wait in for an important delivery. He asked what it was and I said it would be my Valentines bouquet as his florist is local to him. We then had a chat about the things he does for me and how that’s important. He agreed that it’s really important to show people you love them and is making a card for my mum for Valentines Day (my heart 😍). His dad may be lacking but I hope that only l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 06:06 PM
25

So much of appearance is controllable though. I’m dating someone who is well-groomed and good looking. For a joke he shaved off his facial hair and he was a lot less attractive. I was surprised how much of a difference it made. He said he’s worked out what works with his face shape and maintains that shape with a bit of care. He’s also fit and wears fitted clothes that suit him. It takes him effort to look as good as he does. There’s nothing stopping the neckbeards from finding their haircut and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 08:42 AM
31

My ex loved Dan Savage and often praised me based on how good, giving and game I was. Meanwhile he was crap, selfish and dull.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 08:29 AM
11

Oh this! I’m short myself so prefer shorter men but I can’t abide chip on their shoulder men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/21 11:01 PM
21

I love this. It’s so simple but it’s true. I’m dating a short guy on a moderate income who is very romantic, enjoys foreplay and is fun to be with. It’s almost like I can earn my own money and only have time for men that bring the awesome to my life... admittedly after a messy journey to get here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/21 10:58 PM
7

Right in the feels!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/21 10:01 PM
13

My ex to an absolute T. My first husband was abusive so I thought this mild mannered sweet man was wonderful. Turns out he was a weak porn sick loser who once he was really secure began dipping his toe into abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 10:55 AM
43

What amuses me is I’m not even angry any more. When it comes to most men I’m... indifferent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 10:49 AM
3

Same here. I honestly think my ex thinks he’s one of the good ones. More fool me of course!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/21 11:39 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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