TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

waggers5 Archive

View 1 post and 29 comments by waggers5 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
19

waggers5/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 03:17 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

Please stop cross posting the exact same question to every relationship/dating/divorce subreddit
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 02:25 PM
11

Love is a choice. It's something you nurture, not something that just happens to you. Whatever you decide, own your decision and the consequences. Consider the promises you have made and whether your word means anything. Consider the impact on your wife and child and how it will affect them for the rest of their lives.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 07:42 AM
2

It really is. During my marriage my wife pretty much ran our social calendar, and that meant we'd see her family a heck of a lot more than we would see mine, so now I feel distant even from a lot of my extended family. Fortunately I've managed to collect a small group of really trustworthy friends - one from my current workplace, one a former colleague, and a few people I met online years ago and have a subsequently met up with IRL. But even then it feels lonely. Something I did find was quite a…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 10:20 AM
2

I really like this idea. Could work even better if these are group activities for singles, as that would make people feel a bit safer about going along. Imagine if you were a woman, feeling nervous and vulnerable about meeting new men, and you're asked if you want to go for a long walk through a dark wood with some guy you know nothing about and have never met, alone with him and nobody else... I can't see many people going for that. But as a group activity it's a lot safer. If it's specifically…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/26 03:53 PM
2

Both. Your feelings and emotional response are completely valid. But I can also understand why she would have felt ashamed and reluctant to report what happened, both to you and to the police. It's a very common thing with sexual assaults - the victims feel paralysed and ashamed, they convince themselves that telling someone about it would do no good, and the longer they leave it the harder it is to come forward and say something. In many ways your reaction suggests her intuition to keep this fr…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 10:37 AM
6

Yes and no. You're right, they don't say that explicitly, and they do say "I tried to connect but my husband didn't listen." But listen to what, exactly? This "trying to connect" never seems to be an open, honest conversation where she explicitly says "look, I'm not feeling the connection and what I need from you is X, Y and Z" because men absolutely would listen to that. Instead it's a bunch of hints and vague gestures that the man was supposed to "listen to" and notice. Sometimes that "trying …
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 06:54 AM
7

That rings incredibly true for me too. She seemed threatened when I tried to contribute to decision making, she was critical any time I tried to help, if I ever tried to set rules for the children or admonish them for breaking them she would take their side and not back me up. The rejection was constant and draining, and eventually I stopped bouncing back and let her have everything her own way. I thought it was what she wanted. Certainly everything I had gleaned from her attitude and body langu…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 03:12 PM
7

And at exactly the same time "You didn't show enough appreciation for all the stuff I did [that I didn't ask her to do]" The cognitive dissonance, unable to see their own hypocrisy, is mindboggling.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 08:46 AM
1

She didn't tell me about the one year thing at first, she accidentally let it slip midway through the year. That time limit just added a lot of unnecessary pressure, and you're right, if she was genuinely committed she wouldn't have set a limit. Thanks to my therapist, I've learned to understand what was going on in her head during the marriage thanks to Transactional Analysis and the Karpman Drama Triangle. There was no abuse. What I know now is that she apparently has issues with self esteem a…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 07:20 AM
7

Yeah, this is almost exactly what happened to me. I only found out after she told me she wanted a divorce that she had been going around bad-mouthing me to friends and family to the point where they were saying things like "if it was me, I would have divorced him years ago" - before she had even hinted or said a word to me about being remotely unhappy. In the process she started an (emotional) affair with a married mutual friend. When she finally told me she was unhappy she gave us a year to try…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 07:41 PM
6

The cliché is that men want a marriage but women want a wedding. Apparently that's truer than I, and most of us here, realised
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 05:34 PM
14

They really don't like reminding that they made a solemn, legally binding promise in front of friends and family and are now breaking that promise, often for very little or no reason other than they can't be bothered to make the effort any more. In my case it was all "we've grown apart, we don't communicate well any more" to which my response was "well let's start communicating and grow back together". The differences she cited were very much not irreconcilable, she just plain didn't want to put…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 12:44 PM
2

I just know I never want to go through this or anything like it again. And the statistics are against me. In the UK (where I am), 42% of marriages end in divorce but for second marriages that figure rises to 60%. That said, I already miss the company and companionship that comes from having a life partner. So in my case I might try the dating game once I've got my shit together a bit more. But if I'm going to enter into a serious relationship with a new partner, that person needs to be absolutel…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 11:06 AM
3

Thank you, I really needed to read this today
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 09:13 AM
6

I still loved her when she told me she wanted a divorce. I still loved her when I found out she had been having an affair the whole time we were supposedly working on our marriage, including going to see him straight after some of our couples' therapy sessions. I still loved her when I discovered that before even telling me she was unhappy, she went around family and friends saying slanderous things about me to them, turning them against me and getting them to encourage her to get divorced. I st…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 11:11 AM
3

I totally understand this. I haven't insulted my STBX to her face but I'm certainly muttering obscenities about her under my breath a lot of the time. Her lack of affection over the years turned me into someone who was bitter and easily angered, and of course it became a vicious cycle. Mine also had an affair - not a physical one, and emotional one, with another married man. They very nearly slit two families apart, not just one, and it's only when I found out about it and confronted her that th…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 01:28 PM
6

I just find that kind of thing incredibly rude and I'm not looking forward to experiencing it for myself, but I know I likely will. I'd much rather receive a message saying "look, I'm sorry, but I'm not really interested in taking this further" than just ghosting and leaving me hanging. The whole modern culture around this stuff really sucks. It's possible to say no politely instead of just blanking people. Ultimately we're all in the same boat, trying to get along and find what's best for us, s…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 09:41 AM
10

This. I found out after my STBXW told me she wants a divorce, after supposedly trying to fix things for a year, that before that year started - before she'd even hinted to me that she was unhappy in our relationship - that she had been doing the rounds, drumming up support and encouragement among friends and family to divorce me. And, for good measure, started an inappropriately close relationship with one of their husbands which she kept going throughout that year. She still insists she was gen…
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 07:00 AM
3

I totally agree. "I want to end it" should be reason enough, there shouldn't be a need to either pretend it's "no fault" or the other person's fault. Unfortunately the only legal mechanisms currently available are "it's their fault" or "it's nobody's fault" when actually in many cases it's the person filling who should take accountability.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 07:23 PM
15

Exactly this. "Growing apart" is not a sufficient reason for divorce; it is not the same as "irreconcilable differences". This is the reason my STBEW has used for divorce, but we don't have any differences that can't be reconciled; the only limiting factor is her willingness to commit to making the changes we need to grow closer together again (I was willing to, and indeed did, make such a commitment and she was not willing to match it). The fact she can put in for a "no fault" divorce claiming …
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 10:46 AM
1

Same here. I'm only a couple of months in - wife told me her decision at the end of November, and we're currently still living in the same house (she sleeps on the sofa and we pretty much avoid each other as much as we can). Some people have advised me to wait at least a year before thinking about another relationship. But I feel I was made for love and companionship - yes I need affection and to feel loved and valued, but I also want a confidante, a life partner to tackle this adventure with in…
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 09:31 AM
5

We were together for 26 years and it's month 3 for me now. The temptation to beg her to change her mind is still there but I'm able to overcome it now. In my case I've realised my STBEW had actually checked out of our marriage years ago and any efforts to fix things were halfhearted at best from her side, while I remained wholehearted and kept trying to give her what she wanted. While painful to accept, that realisation - that nothing I did made it worse and nothing I could have done would have …
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 03:24 PM
3

I'm going to counter this slightly - watching TV CAN be a worthwhile hobby and can lead to good things. Maybe consider writing a review of some of the shows you watch - post it to a blog or start a YouTube channel where you chat about your interests. Reach out to friends / family / post on social media an invite people round for a watch party, or find subreddits related to the shows you're interested in and chat about them. It doesn't have to be a lonely, solitary activity and there are people w…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 02:52 PM
3

The problem with narcissism is that, like so many things, it is a spectrum. As the Wikipedia article on it says, "many psychologists believe that a moderate degree of narcissism is normal and healthy in humans" and everyone needs some degree of self-esteem, self-love and self-protection. So to some extent, we are all narcissists. I think it's important to distinguish between genuine narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and our (ex) wives behaving extremely selfishly and inconsiderately during…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 12:09 PM
1

There are also different modalities of psychotherapy. If the therapists you've been going to all use the same mode, you're probably going to get similar results. Here's a good guide to three of the main ones - person centred, transactional analysis and REBT. https://counsellingtutor.com/counselling-approaches/counselling-theories-compare-and-contrast/ My STBEW and I saw a person centred therapist for our relationship therapy and TBH it wasn't all that helpful. It was just an echo chamber, focusi…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 02:49 PM
5

I'm only going through it for the first time but yes it feels exactly like this. My advice, for what it's worth, is... For now, focus on your own wellbeing. You are probably in emotional shock and might be getting physical symptoms along with it - shivering when you're not particularly cold, unable to concentrate, unable to sleep. It's worth looking up "emotional shock" and following the advice on how to deal with it - breathing exercises and all of that. Remember how this feels, and how it felt…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 04:07 PM
3

I think the truth is you can't stop the thoughts crossing your mind, but you can learn to dismiss them quicker. It takes a lot of strength to do just say no to them but it can be done. An important thing is to make friends outside of your relationship and remember you are appreciated and respected. And don't make a big deal out of reaching out to the support services that exist precisely for this purpose. It's never too early, and never too late, to start talking to them.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 01:36 PM
2

Haha, thank you, that made me chuckle
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 11:07 PM
3

I've got two kids, both now in their late teens. I love my kids to bits and wouldn't want to be without them. But there's no denying they affected the relationship. Not so much right at the beginning, but certainly later on. I've always seen myself as husband first, father second. But for my (soon to be ex) wife, our relationship sunk way down her list of priorities a long time ago. When you find yourself sometimes feeling jealous of your own kids because of the attention they're getting from yo…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 10:53 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter