I'm still going through the process - we're still trying to sell the family home so STBX and I still live under the same roof and every sight of her is a trigger, but I'm becoming more resilient.

I've told much of my story here before and I don't want to repeat it in great detail because that's not the focus of this post. Suffice to say, she was incredibly controlling throughout our marriage - probably enough to satisfy the definition of coercive control, which is a criminal offence in my country as a form of domestic abuse, although whether I'd be able to prove it is a different matter.

She then slandered me behind my back to friends and family, telling them whatever she needed to say (regardless of whether or not it was true) in order to get them to encourage her to divorce me. Then she began an emotional affair with one of our mutual friends. And only then did she tell me she wasn't happy in our relationship.

She agreed to try and repair things - we did relationship courses and couples therapy - but all the time she was keeping her emotional affair going and it was clear she wasn't remotely committed to trying to save our marriage, she had checked out long before. Eventually I asked her to commit one way or the other instead of stringing me along in endless loveless limbo and she picked divorce.

I only found out about the slander and infidelity after that.

None of that is the point of this post, so I'll get to the point: if you asked me a little while back I would have described myself as a victim of those things. A victim of coercive control, a victim of slander, a victim of infidelity.

But now I've turned a corner and I now see myself as a survivor of those things. I know it's just another word and it seems like splitting hairs, but emotionally it hits very differently. Her treatment of me still hurts but it now feels more definitely like something in the past, something I've learned to look out for in future partners, and importantly, pain she can no longer inflict on me.

I know who she is, I know what she is, and while with hindsight I can regret that I didn't act to protect myself sooner, I can hold my head up high and say: I survived, and I'm stronger for it.

I will never again let anyone treat me the way she did.

(edited for grammar)