High Powered Career, Trust, and Your Relationship with Men

As a graduate student with a double degree in Law and Arts, I perfectly understand the desire to keep a well-earned career. Itâs a womanâs birthright.

But what if you and I just asked each other why?

Why do we do the hard work and choose the high powered, kick-ass careers in the first place?

Well, the answer, based on our survival instinct – is to just make some damn money to survive.

And status.

But money. We need money to make a life for ourselves. Money is a good tool to have.

But what about when weâve made enough money? What is it about then?

What if we have a well established career, and enough money in the bank? Why do we continue the job then?

It could be because itâs the âthing to doâ – and we wouldnât know what to do with our life if it wasnât our career.

It could be because of a need to gather more resources (money), because of a sense of duty to the team, a sense of guilt, maybe because we fear what life might be like if we worked a little less, because weâve got children to provide for, etc. Thereâs lots of reasons to continue a high powered career even when weâve got enough money to last a while.

Thereâs nothing wrong with having a high powered position – itâs empowering for women.

The only problem comes when we work so hard so frequently and become so good at being able to take care of everything in our life that men either donât sense room for them. Our energy is so closed from being stressed all the time that we canât open emotionally.

Sometimes we are such experts at what we do that we also just put out an energy of âI only trust myselfâ and âIâve got my own wayâ – expecting it not to have a cost in our dating opportunities.

Well, as awesome as it is to have our own way, it has a cost.

Not just in the sense of costing us a relationship because it may not cost us the status of a “relationship” at all.

It may just cost us the kind of men that we deeply want.

Because…

âWhere are all the good men these days?â

We wonder âwhere are all the good men these days?â

And the answer is – theyâre everywhere.

But the very fact that we’re even asking where they are can mean that our high powered position sometimes causes a kind of closure in our bodies that stops committed, admirable, capable men from finding us relationship material.

I didnât say men wouldnât be interested in sex or find you sexy – they still will, but I did say that the closure our high powered careers can cause in our body can lead us to come across as the âone of manyâ kind of woman over the âone and onlyâ kind of woman. This is why I made my FREE DVD “Becoming His One & Only”. You can get your copy for FREE here: www.bhoodvd.com. 

As a dominant, high value man – you want a woman who has the willingness to surrender to you – you donât want a woman who puts out her own directedness preferentially over your own – because it leaves no vulnerability and no room for her to trust him.

This trust allows for him to be inspired to commit. It adds so much more value to him romantically and for him to want to commit to you – than you having some walls up because you only trust yourself.

No this isnât about letting a man dominate you – and yet, it is, in some ways. And what is so wrong with that – unless he has bad intentions for you?

If women wonât admit to wanting to be taken by a dominant man – theyâll just go and read 50 shades of grey to experience their bodyâs true desire. Right?

So what does this mean?

It means that thereâs a huge cost in our love life if we allow ourselves to put out blocked off and closed off energy because good, sexy, dominant men donât feel compelled to enter a relationship with a woman who doesnât feel willing to let herself melt into her emotions and sometimes, into his masculine dominance and direction.

This is also what attraction is – this can be the beginnings of how we fall in love. We donât realise it, but a lot of women fall in love with the men who put out the signs that they are capable, intelligent and resourceful.

If we put that energy out in the dating world – what do you think will happen??

Thatâs a serious question. I think itâs important for everyone to think about.

When we âbecomeâ our high powered, dominant position – we spend less time in our relaxed, natural sexual energy that is just waiting for a man to come and take us somewhere that weâve never been before.

Also…

Then thereâs the issue of choosing our career to meet our human needs over choosing a relationship to meet our needs. (investing in our career over relationship)

The career makes us feel worthy, and it is easier going to a career to feel worthy than it is going to a man or relationship.

Ie: we go to our career to cement our illusion of âsafetyâ and âimportanceâ in this world. And hey, fair enough – it feels more risky and scary to meet those needs in a relationship than it does in our career. Because we truly have to invest ourselves emotionally, and take a risk, emotionally.

By the way, if you want to understand the truth about how to show up so men everywhere will fall madly in love with you, here’s a beautiful article on that by my husband David, The Two Traits of Women that Men Routinely Fall in Love With.

When our career meets our needs too wellâ¦

Essentially, if our career meets our needs so heavily – and weâre not willing to invest our needs in, or invest vulnerably in a relationship with a man – we arenât relationship material (from the manâs perspective), even if we do want a relationship, because there just isnât a calling for a high value man.

Thereâs no room for him; therefore he doesnât perceive value in entering a relationship and staying committed.

Take the quiz on “Am I Dating a Commitment Friendly Man?”

High powered career can equal trusting your own path in life more than a manâs

Letâs say youâre a CEO of a big company (well done girl!). Youâre 36 years old – youâve got things down pat – you work 11 hours a day. You call the shots – people trust you people listen to you – people come to you for advice.

What is happening here?

Well, youâre so good at what you do, and you do it so regularly, that it has become your identity.

So instead of equally identifying yourself with showing up as a freely vulnerable, open, feminine woman; youâre potentially allowing the pointed “get things done, got things handled” energy in yourself to become so well-practised that a man would see that immediately through your body – because your body trains for CEO position every single day.

Nothing wrong with that.

But what if you want a high value, dominant man?!

What if youâre looking for a manly man?

You donât want a second-rate man, you want a dominant one?

You donât have to give up your career to have a dominant man

Well, all this does not require that you give up your career.

But what it does require is two things:

1. The awareness that your career is what your body does every day, and how you appear to men is likely to be a woman with a strong âdirectionâ in your life. That means that the surrendered feminine energy and loving affection a lot of dominant men are looking for is just not showing up there in your body.
2. That if you donât want to give up your career, you need to be willing to at least try to give up your direction and open your bodyâs energy to be expressed – valuing his direction and masculine strength for the sake of your relationship – even if he is not as intelligent as you are – and even if his direction in life is not as strong as yours – all this for the sake of having a beautiful relationship develop for you over time. For the sake of love. For the sake of having masculine/feminine polarity.

And then thereâs the thought that we need to know when to trust ourselves and when to open to trusting a man.

This isnât to encourage fear â itâs to encourage active thought about where to invest yourself. And to not do something just because youâve always done it.

Example: âDo I invest 80% in myself and my own strength and dominance? Because I know mine is better than his? Or do I give up my dominance; my need for control in the relationship, and be willing to surrender to my feminine softness, to allow his intelligence and direction to grow in accuracy?â

This is the challenge for intelligent and driven women. A lot of men may not be as intelligent as you are â and you may have to willingly open yourself to his lesser intelligence in certain areas in order for him to come better.

No one is saying you should hide your intelligence â not at all. This is just to say that the ego in insisting that you make him feel inferior or make it known that you are more intelligent or more ârightâ means a big potential cost in his investment in you and the relationship. Because youâre not open to his investment â at least it doesnât look that way to him.

Why should I invest in a man?

A good man might try to solve your problems.

A very good man might try to open you beyond your walls.

A stellar man might, out of love and care for you, and for the polarity in your relationship; walk straight through your ego and stand up and say âstop it. Hereâs my d***â. And proceed to whack it out. It takes a confident man to do that though â as you have to have the courage to see through the things women say, and to acknowledge that women often just want to feel your strength of direction and your masculine energy.

Sometimes (but not all the time); to get the stellar man/the high value man, we have to be patient and love the men they are before that. A stellar man was a little boy once, too. And weâre all a bit stupid before weâre smart.

If you have a man who is giving you early signs that he wants to make a relationship happen with you, and he wants you to trust his goals and his path, and you still hide and refuse to open to his direction and advice â instead choosing your own because youâre so used to doing everything âbetterâ than anyone else can do for you â thatâs where we need to consider where to draw a line.

Surrender to the unpredictability of trusting him, or not?

(Do You Know What the 2 Most Critical Elements of Any Intimate Relationship Are and How They Will Make or Break Your Love Life? Click here to find out right now…)

Be brave, or not?

The problem is not the career â itâs the way it keeps us practicing taking care of ourselves and only ourselves, because we take charge too well every day at work.

This is a good skill to have. But itâs even better to access the flexibility to surrender to a manâs direction â and for that to happen, we need to show through our body that we are soft and able to be entered; that thereâs room in our life.

âI want a man who understands my commitment to my workâ¦â

The problem is that a lot of women run their personal life well â they have a high powered career, they teach yoga as well, they maybe even have their own business, and their requirement for a relationship is:

âI want someone who understands my commitment to my work.â

Which means: âIâm used to doing my own thing and I donât feel safe enough to give it up for a man.â

That is essentially saying: I value what is safe, I value my own significance.

It can also be saying⦠âI value what Iâve accumulated in my life more than I value a relationship.â

Certainly, no woman who says âI want someone who understands my commitment to my work.â means to say that she values her career more than a relationship, but really, she kind of does. Especially when men seem so unreliable; untrustworthy.

But isnât it only fair to ourselves, that if we invest in a career, that we are also willing to invest in a man?

âI choose usâ¦â

Téa Leoni in the movie âThe Family Manâ, rushed to her boyfriend (Nicolas Cage) at the airport in an attempt to stop him when he left for his career, saying: âI choose us.â

All this really is a sense ofâ¦

âI choose us.â VS âI choose me.â

Choosing ourselves (our own direction) out of fear encourages selfishness and separateness. To not be vulnerable is fearful and often selfish.

Now, I donât use the word selfish as if itâs a bad thing. It is not. It is just what it is. We are all selfish in one way or another â itâs just that in the case of an intimate relationship, to hold back yourself and to not offer yourself â that will kill any relationship potential quickly.

It really is as simple as understanding that choosing to have the illusion of safety and control in our lives â by valuing our own path the most, or valuing our own closed off approach when he wants to enter you and feel you totally bare emotionally as a woman â will cost you the dominant, high value men.

Dominant men know they can find the most feminine, radiant, soft, âwilling to trustâ women â so why would they settle for a woman who shows any less trust, radiance and femininity?

By the way, feeling you totally emotionally bare is him wanting to see you. In other words, thatâs actually you, being you. Emotionally vulnerable is you, surrendering to you. Thatâs all this really is â itâs melting into you â rather than living from this place of taking control.

Itâs you, letting your man drive; letting him own your very soul.

Itâs hard. Many of us prefer to try to go for approval over doing this.

If we donât want second rate men, men who are too soft and gentle, and as women often call âboringâ, then for them to be attracted to us we need the willingness to surrender to our bodyâs softness and be ready to be open, right now.

We can keep the awesome career â always.

We just canât keep our habit of only thinking of ourselves and wonder where all the good men are. And thinking of ourselves only includes choosing the separateness that often gets labelled âself sufficiencyâ ie: trusting our own direction â because that robs a high value man of the very thing they want with a woman â and it robs you of a commitment.

What is the very thing a high value man wants?

Your willingness to trust.

That is an unselfish thing to do â because itâs vulnerable. And because it requires feeling beyond ourselves.

Low value men have no interest in knowing you for you. They are only interested in getting something out of you, and then moving on. Some men like to accumulate women in their life â and they get bored of women quickly â Iâm not suggesting that these men are safe for you to trust, because I donât think they are.

I am saying this so we may all hope to understand more of what high value men who want to be present for us actually want.

What if you trust yourself more than him? What if you are better than him?
I understand, a lot of men today donât have a core strength and sense that theyâre going somewhere meaningful. They can seem soft and boring.

They can also seem unsuccessful, and not driven.

Translation: women want resources â and soft men donât give the impression that they have resources.

And yet, if we donât choose to trust a man â if we donât choose today â to go out there and give the man weâve chosen a chance to âenterâ our soul â to enter us â and see who we really are â our emotions and fears and vulnerability and all â thereâs no passion or relationship, really.

Because thereâs no meaning â a man might as well settle for casual sex with the women who are willing. Why invest when thereâs no gold to invest in? Why take the risk of being in a committed relationship â and it is a risk for men; biologically it is very risky.

Thatâs one reason why women and men cheat on each other â because men arenât getting the womanâs surrendered trust and the woman isnât getting her man showing himself as high value, as dominant and âtake no BSâ kind of guy.

These two things should ideally work together.

We MUST choose what to value in this life

We must choose what to value in this lifetime. If we choose selfishness (separateness over deep connection), we will get poor quality of relationships. Regardless of how much money or opportunity we have.

(I am not suggesting you should disregard yourself. Never! You need to feel your own emotions fully and with presence. Else you canât feel anybody elseâs â you become insensitive.)

If we choose to be sensitive to ourselves as well as a man â it opens up a world of love and passion and infinity.

Instead of saying: âYou go do your thing and Iâll go do mine.â we say: âI feel in to where you want to take us, and Iâll ride with you.â

We must have high standards for ourselves â we canât choose to stay inside our little crab shell and say ânah, you must be better than that in order for me to trust you!â

Instead, we must choose to say âIâm scared to trust you more than I trust myself, but letâs give this a go. Hereâs my hand â take it. Oh by the way, did I mention that Iâm scared?â

Itâs okay to admit that youâre scared. In fact, it got one of my clients married in 7 days. They were engaged and the man was dragging his feet for a long time, not having the gumption to just up and marry her.

Again, choosing our career to meet our needs over being with a man or choosing our own direction is a recipe for poor rewards in our relationships with men.

Itâs a sacrifice that has to be made.

For example, I have my two children with me 24/7. And I love it! Only, thereâs limited productivity. I have their nap time to work. Aside from that, I have to try my best to get 5 minutes of uninterrupted work sometimes. But if my 3 year old wants to sit next to me and say âmummy!â every 10 seconds so I can see him shoot a zombie, and every 10 seconds is not unusual, then do I ask him to stop? Or do I choose to value my work time instead?

If I ask him to stop â that would be reasonable. But â that sacrifices my relationship with him, even though itâs good for my productivity. But I choose him. I choose him, and I lose productivity. Thatâs a choice. A conscious one.

I donât have to choose him every time. After all, I have to get some work done!

So â the idea is that Iâm well aware of the costs to my choices â and I better be. Iâd rather not be at the end of my life, realising I just went along with my habits, and didnât choose consciously.

The powerful thing is that Iâm not just a slave to my patterns; because I know that I have a choice and I can perceive the costs of choosing work over watching him shoot an imaginary zombie. And vice versa.

Now, a mother-son relationship is different to a woman/man relationship, but not much different. The idea is still the same. You do whatever it takes to value the relationship; no matter the sacrifice.

Too many people value convenience over relationships these days. It is dangerous for our future â it leaves us lonely.

Valuing convenience and separateness

Of course â men have to prove themselves too â and you shouldnât give up what youâve worked so hard gaining for the wrong man.

This isnât even about limiting our being selfish per se, it is about our drive to be separate from others â valuing only whatâs important in our own world, rather than being other-sensitive.

Doing separateness is almost always going to feel safer than doing âusâ.

But being vulnerable would be going beyond self â and going into the realm of relationship.

How can we have a relationship when we are selfish, valuing closure and safety?

Even us who have the âin a relationshipâ status arenât in a real relationship if they practice mostly selfishness.

So this isnât me saying âyouâre selfish when you choose a careerâ, it is me saying â do you choose your âselfâ only, or are you vulnerable and open enough that you will actually let yourself feel what HE â a man needs â from you, in order to give you the beautiful committed relationship youâve always wanted â with a man who is dominant (manly) to top it off?

The great men are repelled by the women who say (in a closed off way) insist that âIâve got my own way in this life.â Not because they are threatened, as the feminist would have you believe â and not always because they donât want the best for you â but because they need to feel your trust.

But how do you know when to put more eggs in the relationship basket than the career basket?
Well, the answer is to be willing to let yourself open to a man â and not blame him for not being strong enough or evolved enough.

You have to âgo firstâ and offer a little trust.

It is like treating a new friend to lunch instead of insisting on splitting the bill or hoping âtheyâ will pay â because youâll learn a lot more about that new friend if you were to open and let them show you if they value you enough to treat you to a meal next time, or even reciprocate you in other ways, if they have no money.

You can only learn more through offering your own trust (vulnerability) â you canât learn more by blaming, remaining closed.

Offer trust first.

You value him; so even if his goals in life and manly strength isnât âup to parâ, you choose to value âusâ â you choose the relationship. You let him develop and give him an opening to become the man you need, by showing him that youâre willing to be open to him.

A lot of women value the convenience of their own direction, because itâs safe; because itâs what theyâve always done. And, I understand.

Plus, itâs easy to criticize men for not being dominant when weâre so good at dominance and direction and decision making ourselves.

High price to pay though.

We pay for convenience with lifelong emptiness.

Itâs quite possible, that when we open ourselves to showing that weâre willing to trust a man â that with the fuel of our feminine energy/openness â he might very quickly become more dominant, and more trustworthy than you ever imagined a man would be for you.

And if he doesnât, you might try again.

If heâs still closed off â you are free to move on.

Soâ¦what do you value?

Remember how we got on to the career pathâ¦

A lot of us would rather invest in our career than in a relationship.

By invest, I mean, be vulnerable to a man â truly put our eggs in one manâs basket.

And how many women are in a high powered career 9-5 because love calls them to be? How many of us do that because itâs our heartâs calling?

Some of us, yes. Not all of us.

More than likely, some people told us when we were young that it was the right thing to do â and to not âdepend on a manâ.

Well, you donât have to depend on a man. All this is about is a bit of openness and trust.

I feel that other people telling us to rely on ourselves has been an assault on a womanâs intuitive messages.

It assaults her relationship with herself; and therefore it threatens her ability to have a relationship with a high value man because sheâs been encouraged to value herself (her sense of emotional security) only.

âMen canât be relied upon. What will you do if he leaves you?â

Well, what will you do if you lose your job? Thatâs no more or less likely than losing a man. What if you lose your life? That could happen in the next second, minute, hour, week, month or year.

So what then?

You gonna live as though every man will leave you?

We talk about men leaving us as if we have no influence in the matter â thatâs another way of saying âIâm so afraid that I will never invest a relationship or trust anyone other than myself.â

In FACT â I believe itâs not hard at all to have a man fall in love with you, and not want to leave you â simply because itâs really not that hard to be the kind of woman that adds value to men. Once you understand, you have incredible power â incredible options.

Relationship is everything.

Again â this isnât me saying you shouldnât work. Not at all â itâs me saying that itâs okay to invest in a man â and to understand that putting so many eggs in the basket of career as if it will make everything okay â is dangerous. Itâs dangerous for our heart.

We need money to survive, but we need relationships to actually live.

I Choose âusâ as Téa Leoni said.

Have you heard of our program Understanding Men? Click here to learn more about this program.

P.S. Connect with me on social media

Our new Facebook Group is hereâ¦Â Join the âHigh Value Feminine Womenâ Community using this link

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