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Obsidian’s Note: It seems that my humble missives have yet again ignited a firestorm of controversey; this is to be expecgted when, as Roissy has said, the more the ladies screech in response to a napalm-ether T-bomb you’ve dropped, the more certain you can be that you’ve struck a raw nerve of bluntforce honesty. Of course, we’re regaled accosted with stuff about who is or is not attractive and why, and how we’re supposed to disavow what our lying eyes are telling us, but the facts, well, they are the facts, and no amount of Orwellian crimestop doublespeak is gonna do any good. It is, what it is.
By the way, I’ve written a goodly bit about the psychology of Sistas in these series of posts; by all means, feel free to check them out!
The other day I was reading Y’s blog Zaire Jungle, and ran accross a post where she gives the details of a date she had recently gone out on. As it turns out the guy she dated was White, and by all accounts things went well, with plans for a follow up date (which she has yet to write about, perhaps because it hasn’t happened?).
Among the commenters was one Ms. “Jasmine“, a self-appointed “swirl” blogger. Apparently, the term refers to interracial dating. Here’s the Urban Dictionary‘s definition of the term. At any rate, Ms. Jasmine’s blog seems to center around IR dating and marriage, and I have no problem with that – if you believe in what America stands for – and I do – then you support the idea, indeed the Right, of Freedom of Association. I fully support and defend a Woman’s right to choose whom she will allow into her bed and heart.
Full stop.
Having said that though, what I couldn’t deny or ignore, was the very strong sense of *anger* on the part of Ms. Jasmine, which sparked something else in my head – that I had noticed something of a trend lately with a number of Sistas in the blogosphere, who like Ms. Jasmine, are avowed advocates of “swirling” but seem to do so with a strong undercurrent of anger, directed towards, who else, Black Men. Although I’ve recently had to rhetorically re-align her head, Ms. Bene Veira does make a good point in this regard in a recent blog post of hers, and there’s yet another “swirl” writer/blogger, Debra Dickerson, who’s been known to come accross as a bit angry in this regard as well. (Then, of course, there’s everyone’s favorite Little Ms. Clever Black Silly; come out, come out, wherever you are…)
Yet, all of these Women so mentioned claim to be happy with their current mates.
What gives?
Well, here’s how I see it…
As hardly needs mentioning at this point, Black Women in America are in a unique, to say the least, position in the sexual marketplace (SMP); simply put, their “market appeal” is limited. Sure, we can all think up notable exceptions to this rule: Dihann Carroll, Earth Kitt, Rashida Jones, Stacy Dash, Halle Berry – but by and large, these Women are just that – exceptional. They’re NOT the everyday average, rank and file Sista you see on the block on the regular. For that set, getting with a White guy is more like “Plan B” – in a word, settling.
And we all know what “settling” means for a Woman, regardless of color. Now don’t we?
The reason for these Sistas’ irateness is because of one, the fact that they weren’t able to attract the Men of their choice – Black Men – two, they had to more or less settle for guys they could get, which were White guys, and thirdly, many of these Sistas are quite envious of the fact that Black Men, even everyday ordinary ones, have more “appeal” in the SMP. This is documented – for every Sista who “swirls”, there are easily 3 to 5 times as many Brothas who can play that same game.
Put that together with guys who make their dating preferences well known like Chad Ochocinco, and well, the very real sense of anger on the part of the Ms. Jasmines of the world is quite understandable.
If not sad.
Lest anyone doubt what I say here, by all means, take a gander at Ms. Jasmine for yourself (she’s on the right with the shades on), and tell me how many Brothas would be beating a path to her door; I’ll wait (here’s a shot of the Little Ms. Clever Black Silly). Yes, the Sistas who tend to hookup with White guys, tend to look like this young lady. That’s not a knock, just something more like a fact of simple eyeball observation.
Look, let’s be honest. Who we choose to align ourselves with says a great deal about who we are and what we’re about, there’s no getting around that. But it means different things depending on the sex of the people involved. For Black Women in the SMP, getting with a White guy simply says something different from what it says about a Black Man, all things being equal, and usually, not for the better. For many Black Men, getting with a White gal is a step UP; for many Black Women, getting with a White guy is a step DOWN. It may not be nice to say, but that’s the plain truth of it. And you know how we roll here.
There’s more that I could add, but I’m curious as to what all of you have to say – do you agree with what I’m, saying here, or not, and why?
Comment & reply, holla.
The Obsidian’s iPod is now playing: Hip Hop Forever, Vol. 2, by DJ Jazzy Jeff (Philly represent!)
The Obsidian
