Well, depending on how you look at it just about everything worth achieving could be a test of one sort or another. Maybe you’re testing yourself. Maybe others are testing you to see if you step up or fold under pressure. I was reading a post on a PUA blog some months ago about guys who get in the mode of thinking everything a woman says or does in an interaction is a shit test. This PUA made a point to say that this is an unhealthy attitude to take with women, and I don’t disagree.
It was a good message for me at the time as I was just learning about game and LTR game specifically. Not everything my LTR does is a shit test, but there are times where I’ve sat back and literally pictured her with imaginary scales weighing some action on my part. As if she’s trying to figure out if on balance my action was…well, not alpha or beta as I seriously doubt that type of thought crosses her mind. No, it was more as if she was weighing my actions as a man to look up to and follow, or if I was a boy who needs to be led and mothered.
A guy I grew up with, literally my best friend from elementary school through high school, is in a relationship where his wife mother’s him constantly. You may know the type of relationship. People would look at each other knowingly and say, ‘well, we know who wears that pants in that family.’ Yeah, his wife wears the pants.
Even in my white knight, nice guy days the dynamics of his relationship with his wife rubbed me the wrong way. I figured that it was just because I personally have never wanted a relationship such as his. They’ve been married a decade now and things seemed to be working, but now I’m not so sure how strong their relationship is really. There’s a hunted look about him. Who’s to say really. Many married men I know have that same look. It could just be the common visage of modern marriage. He has made his bed.
A female friend of my literally ponders every action of the men she’s dating. His responses are all compared to some fantastical vision in her head of how she thinks a man should respond and behave. Invariably, no man has met her standards as of yet. She’s past her prime but still hopeful. She was dating a natural alpha guy. Huge social circle. The type of guy who can call one friend and tell them he’s having a get together, and dozens of his friends will show up bearing gifts (food and drink). Ultimately this gal wanted to be the center of this alpha’s attention, and he wouldn’t or couldn’t do that for her. I do think there’s something else going on in her head though. Her efforts at evaluation appear to be a defense mechanism to keep men from getting too close. Maybe she’s damaged goods.
Which leads me back to the beginning of this post. No, not everything a woman says or does is a shit test, but that doesn’t mean that the evaluating of a man’s dominance/provider status isn’t happening. A lot will depend on both your and her short and long term goals. If it’s an LTR you and she are looking for, then as a man you’re going to have to strike the right balance between being the head of the house and being a provider. I’ve found I’m still calibrating my game with the LTR. Probably always will be as long as we’re together.
