The therapy profession often describes anger as a “secondary emotion”. This is because you’re never just angry as a singular emotion. You are angry because someone has done something to you or something has happened to you that has caused you to feel a primary emotion — usually fear or hurt — and secondary to that fear or hurt, you get angry.
Maybe you’re angry at the person who did something, whether intentionally or thoughtlessly. Maybe you’re angry at yourself for letting it happen to you, or letting it get to you and letting yourself feel this way. Maybe you’re angry at society, the system, your parents for raising you wrong, or whatever else, for creating a set of circumstances where this sort of thing can happen and you are vulnerable to it.
Whatever the reason, something has caused you to feel hurt or fear, and understandably, you are angry.
In modern times, it’s not okay to be angry. Or at least, it’s not okay to express your anger toward anybody else, or really even in the presence of anybody else. Because anger is scary.
Why is anger scary? Because anger is a communication tool. Way back in the history of our species — even before we could talk and just grunted at each other — we would show signs of anger as a warning: “Hey, this crap you are doing is pissing me off. Cut it out immediately or I will escalate to violence.”
The goal of showing that anger was to get the people around you to fear the potential of violence, submit to your will, and change their behavior in a way that avoids pissing you off. This solved your problem because the people who were causing you hurt or fear stopped doing it when you showed them your anger.
When we see an angry person, even when that anger is not directed toward us, it makes us uncomfortable. Because hard-wired into our genome is the understanding that anger is dangerous. Angry people do angry things. So simply being exposed to a person’s anger feels like a threat.
In 2025, we don’t like it when other people make us uncomfortable. It feels unsafe. So expressing anger where anybody can see it is not okay any more.
But what’s the alternative to anger? If somebody does something to you or something happens to you and you feel fear and hurt, and you don’t feel and express anger, what’s left? Just the fear and hurt. What do you do with that? I guess you cry and talk about it with your girlfriends while drinking wine.
Yes, expressing anger is mostly masculine-coded, while crying and talking about your feelings is mostly feminine-coded. There’s some evolutionary reasons for this, like the sex that has big muscles being able to express anger more safely, while the sex that has tiny muscles had better not or she’ll get overpowered.
Which makes expressing anger in 2025 especially disallowed in the presence of women, who are at a special disadvantage and feel a special fear in response to the inherent “submit or I escalate to violence” message that anger conveys. A bigger man is always around the corner to kick your butt, so men aren’t as bothered when someone else is angry. But women, being the physically weaker sex, are vulnerable and feel more uncomfortable and unsafe around angry people than men do.
So no expression of anger is allowed. Instead, any time you feel anger, you are supposed to immediately report to a therapist’s office, where a degreed, licensed professional can help you process your feelings by handing you a box of tissues and talking it out. You know, the feminine-coded girl way of processing emotions.
The thing is, anger is temporary. All emotions are, but anger especially, because being angry is frigging exhausting. So when you get angry about something, a short while later, you’re just plain not angry any more. Your anger has punched itself out. And honestly, you feel a lot better after that.
You might even say that going through an anger-phase helped you process your negative emotions. Your way. The masculine-coded way. There’s a reason those guys in Fight Club felt better after beating the crap out of each other. Not that you have to actually punch people. And there’s a reason we Red Pill guys tolerate men who bluster and rant through their uncalibrated bitchy “anger phase” when learning the actual way women and intersexual relationships work is new to them.
Allowing yourself to feel and express your emotions, whether you’re crying and chatting with a therapist or your girlfriends, or you’re ranging and angry until your anger punches itself out — these are both processes to work past your underlying fear and hurt.
Neither of these approaches solves your actual problem. You’re just expressing your emotions. But once you’ve done that, life usually feels a bit more focused and you can move on to either solving your problems, figuring out a way to live with them, or figuring out coping strategies for when they happen again.
But we’ve built a feminine world where the only acceptable way of feeling and processing emotions is the feminine-way. The masculine-way has been deprecated as outdated, offensive, and dangerous because it makes people feel uncomfortable and unsafe. And I say “we” because I mean we. Us. Men. Women haven’t built the world this way. Men have.
Because there is only one biggest man in the room. He gets to feel however he wants to feel, express it however he wants to express it, and probably gets most of the ladies and the biggest pieces of meat too. Unless we engineer a society where he’s not allowed to do that. A more fair society where every guy gets one wife and enough money to buy meat just for having a job, and where we talk about our problems instead of inherently threatening violence by displaying anger. A civilized society. A… more feminine society where a man being big and angry is a disadvantage instead of an advantage.
But women are better at feminine-coded things than men are. Obviously. So over the years, women have done a great job appealing to the sensibilities of these civilized men with lots of great… suggestions for helping to make our society even more comfortable and safer-feeling. Just some simple ideas about what things people are and aren’t allowed to say, the kinds of relationships people can and can’t have, some ways to make the opportunities life provides more fair to everyone, some safeguards to keep women safe and comfortable in their relationships, and so on. You know, little helpful things here and there.
Now, no system is without its flaws. Just by telling men they’re not allowed to express anger any more and threatening consequences, we’re not going to actually stop people from feeling anger (and even occasionally acting out). Thankfully, we’ve experienced the internet age, which has been a godsend.
Any time something happens that makes you angry, you can complain on the internet and feel a sense of community. You can feel heard, validated, engaged with. Your anger can be limited to saying mean things as it punches itself out online, and then you feel better. You didn’t bother anybody in the real world or make anybody feel uncomfortable or unsafe. And you and your friends didn’t get together and try to change anything in this perfect feminine-coded world we’ve all built. You just punched yourself out saying some mean things on the internet, then went back to work. Good boy.
Internet men: Anger is an understandable and natural emotion to feel in response to fear and hurt. Obviously, you should understand the cause of your fear and hurt, why the thing that caused it made you feel that way, and be stronger in the future if something similar should happen. But feeling your anger, and even expressing it (within the bounds of what is safe and won’t result in a negative life outcome for you), is the masculine process.
Rage away. And cut other guys who are raging some slack, because you see and understand their underlying hurt and fear.
