It was the king’s voice that put an end to it… the king’s voice and twenty swords. Jon Arryn had told them that a commander needs a good battlefield voice, and Robert had proved the truth of that on the Trident. He used that voice now. “STOP THIS MADNESS,” he boomed, “IN THE NAME OF YOUR KING!“

–From “A Game of Thrones”, p. 265, US Hardcover edition.

One of the most important things I learned from a decade of teaching martial arts is the importance of your voice and how you use it. It’s huge. Want to be a leader of men for those extra alpha points? Learn The Voice.

But be very clear: The Voice that you’re out to learn is the voice of authority, not the voice of anger or petulance. Much like the difference between “dominant” and “controlling,” far too many people confuse the two. They are not the same.

An authoritative voice is:

  • Loud and audible – but not a yelling voice.
  • It comes from your diaphragm and your lungs, down deep, the same way a singer gets extra volume to project - not from up high in your throat the same way you get a scream or a yell in.
  • It’s deep, not high pitched. You should pitch your voice as low as you can without straining.
  • It is clear and enunciated. Every word should be clearly understood.
  • It is calm.
  • It is strong in tone, but not angry, mad, or whiny.
  • Choice of words matters as well. Use the imperative mood and active voice.
  • Tell, don’t ask.
  • The Voice works best when combined with strong alpha body language.
From a handful of items on the list (especially the part about deep voices), it should be clear that men have a bit of an advantage here over women. In fact, I’m going to be rather blunt and state straight up that I know very few women who can pull off The Voice. To be fair, I don’t exactly know a ton of men who can do it, either – but of those I know who can do it, far more are men than women.
In this day and age when people aren’t used to being “commanded” anymore, many people (men and women both) can’t even consciously tell the difference between a commanding voice and an angry voice. But even if they can’t tell consciously, you can bet your bottom dollar that their subconscious understands. Use The Voice correctly and people will be doing what you’ve told them to do before they’ve even had a chance to think about it. Use an angry voice instead and the same person will just become petulant and fight you every step of the way.
The Voice is incredibly useful with children. Children as young as my one and a half year old son will respond to The Voice. It’s why my son is far more likely to do what I ask him to than he is to do what my wife asks him to. It’s also very useful with dogs. Dogs will respond to The Voice instinctively – they’ve been bred to do it.
You do, however, have to be very careful using it with adults. Sooner or later they’ll catch on to what you’re doing, and if you’re using it inappropriately they’ll become resentful. What are appropriate times to use it? Commanding situations. Military drills, martial arts drills, coaching a competitive sport, etc. Also, and more importantly, situations of danger – ie, a situation where somebody needs to do what you say immediately to avoid serious injury.
But used correctly, it is an extremely alpha tool. You don’t even have to use it on a particular woman to gain her respect by it. Just use it within her hearing to demonstrate that you are, in fact, a leader of men.
Bonus points: the same low pitch that helps make your voice authoritative also makes it more sexually attractive to women.