Fried Tofu Explain Yourself

So we had our Nursing Christmas party / December staff meeting at a restaurant called “It’s Only Natural”. It sounded good to me because I’m just fine with natural foods. If things get too processed they just aren’t all that nice and half the chain restaurants load up everything with MSG anyway which… well, lets just say my body has a well established violent protocol for MSG exposure. So I’m excited about the party…

… and I get there and it’s frakking vegetarian bordering on vegan.

Do. Not. Want.

Seriously how many men like to celebrate a hard year’s work with something made from soy??? I know it’s just one meal, but this was meant to be a “thank you”, not a “you won’t mind will you” event. I get that what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger, but soy increases estrogen production in men so stronger might be a debatable point. I don’t want to push away from the dinner table thinking, “boy my nipples are sensitive today”.

Fried Tofu explain yourself – what is the point of your existence except to give the Female Rationalization Hamster something to gnaw on? Why are the waitresses so pudgy? If this is an ultra healthy resturant, why do the wait staff look fat? Why does everyone have so many tatoos here that a pirate would feel self-conscious? Damnit why can’t I have a soda? If I’m going to get diabetes I want to do it drinking soda and not peach and carrot juice. I didn’t even know carrots had juice.

Pretty much every year around Christmas I get the default gift from whoever the Nursing Director is, and simply come home and hand it to Jennifer. Fancy soap, fancy lotion, special little trinket, yada yada yada, it’s all girly stuff every year. Whatever, Jennifer and I just laugh about it and she gets a free gift for putting up with me. If the gift is really daft we just regift it to Nanna.

But I skipped breakfast to save room for a yummy lunch. So I had to eat something and got whole wheat pizza with sauteed onions, portobello mushrooms and a sprinkle of parmesan cheese. In the defense of the chef it obviously came out exactly as they intended. They didn’t cook it badly, it was just a seriously misguided creation. It would have been infinitely better for cheese and sausage and a thinner crunchy crust. The onions could go as well, but if I scraped all those off all I’d have left is a whole wheat frisbee.

So anyway it’s food, so whatever, I can survive a lunch. Mostly though, I don’t like being made to feel like a “male nurse” by people I think of as my friends. Especially after all the work I’ve done to make things better and easier for them all. Grrrr.

I texted Jennifer when I was walking in that it was vegetarian. She texted back “LOL” and that she was eating hamburgers in McDonald’s. So Jennifer +1, women I work with -2. Damn I hope my book sells a ton of copies….