I went to dinner last night with several friends. Mostly couples and one single lady. The single lady is an equalist. She made comments to the fact that marriage should be an equal partnership. Sure, and some are more equal than others. Might explain why she’s still single. I take that back, I know why she’s still single. She’s a hard person to live with and has a whole lot of ideas about how things should be in a relationship, rather than how things are in a relationship.
The conversations around the table were chugging along just fine, when a topic near and dear to this woman came up. She explained a situation where she believed that any decision she made would end up poorly for her. Having been a third party in her situation, I explained that her memories and mine of that particular event were quite different. I explained to her that if things had happened as she recalled them, then there truly would have been a bad outcome. Not just for her, but for all the parties involved.
Out came the claws and fangs, so to speak. The volume of her voice doubled, as if by sheer decibels I might actually see things her way. Other conversations at the table died down at this point, as they always do when a person steps out of socially accepted behavior. The entire table’s attention was now focused on this woman.
She told me that I didn’t understand what she was saying. She then repeated the same sad tale she had just finished telling. Everything revolved around how she was put in an untenable situation. How she was kept down. How she was discriminated against because she was the obstinate one.
I repeated her story back to her and then explained why her reasoning was faulty and her recollections unsound. As you may surmise, by this time she wasn’t listening. We all got to hear her version of the story for a third time. Another lady at the table made the wise suggestion that the whole topic be dropped as it was going nowhere.
The thing is I’ve run into this argumentative tactic countless times before. The constant restatement of events or positions without the desire or ability to listen to what another party is saying.
After we got home the LTR brought up the reaction of this woman. Even she recognized the single lady’s constant victimhood. Her constant need to cast all events in a negative. As if God and the universe are out to get her. Singling her out for special consideration. The LTR then said to me that regardless of that, this woman’s feelings are real and therefore valid. No honey, just because someone feels something does not make their feelings valid if they are based on faulty reasoning. It just means they want to hold on to their emotions, their hurt and anger, regardless of any evidence contrary to their memories.
