Poor chubby girl can’t find any love, is it because I’m fat? She asks with dismay. “I’m losing faith in humanity.”
You and me both, sister and you’re one of the reasons I am.
For starters, despite what the advice columnist is saying to make you feel better about yourself, to quote Eddie Murphy in a different context “Size does matter!”
What’s worse than being fat?
Being a bitter fat person.
Of course, the answer for the poor dear is in her question:
I’m a good person with a lot of love to give. It took me a long time to really find myself and stop basing my self-worth on how many looks I got from men. I’m working on my weight for health reasons. My question is this: If I’m so open to finding someone and loving all of him, including his imperfections, do I really have to accept that I’m simply unlovable until I’m thin?
If you have to ask that, you already know the answer and it isn’t the answer you want to hear and so “Dr. Gilda” (Gilded is not the same as gold) gives her the answer that she wants to hear, not the answer she needs to hear:
People reflect back to you your opinion of yourself.” As soon as YOU accept your beauty, so will a terrific guy. For medical reasons, a friend of mine recently underwent weight-loss surgery. Her husband of over 30 years could care less, and says he loves her in whichever form she’s in. He cherishes her soul, and her outer housing is just incidental. This is the kind of unconditional love I wish for you! And you can have it, as long as you believe in yourself.
Pretty lies are thick here:
- “Its the inside that counts.” Not when you’re looking for love
- “People reflect back your opinion of yourself.” They also reflect your looks.
- “Everyone is beautiful.” If we’re going on the outer metric: fail. If we’re going on the inner metric: fail again even worse. Vain, entitled, self centered and narcissism have never been characteristics described as beautiful even by the women that find those things attractive in a man.
- The husband described is lying because he knows he can’t get anything better than his aging and now skinny wife and the small kernel of fear is forming in his hindbrain because she just went and got skinny.
- Unconditional love is a lie. There is no such thing. Unconditional means that if she did something horrible he would still love her. You tell a woman you love her unconditionally and she will test that theory by stabbing you in the gut. Love is never unconditional and shouldn’t be.
Want the truth? Looks matter. Always have always will and every day you burn looking less than your best is a day closer to being a permanent cat lady.
The choice is yours.
UPDATE: This is a picture that MSn uses to link to the advice column. Does this woman just have a few pounds? Tell me dear readers if you find that body type attractive and if a mere twenty pound off her frame would help.
