What is it about the holiday season that brings out the most in women? The most obnoxious behavior, the most competitive behavior, the most evil and immoral behavior. The removal of most social niceties. The obsessive/compulsive desire to listen to saccharin sweet Christmas music day in and day out. The focused search for just the right fucking Christmas card to send to all their friends that they never make any effort to stay in contact with during the rest of the year. The obligatory Christmas letter bragging about the wonderful places they’ve visited, and the amazing accomplishments of little Johnny and the rest of the shrieking brood. The cutesy pictures of their pets and/or children either with Santa or wearing some god awful Christmas outfit.
And my LTR wonders why I refuse to listen to the same old Christmas music, retreat to my man cave and do all my shopping on-line if I can.
A couple of nights ago, the LTR and I are doing some shopping for my niece. My niece is just short of her teenage years and likes jewelery. Big surprise. At least at this point it’s fairly inexpensive to find an age appropriate necklace or pair of earrings. Now I’ve bought jewelery for my niece before. Took my all of 5 minutes, but when the LTR is along it can take 10 times that amount of time to find something. My method is to go in, tell the sales girl what I’m looking for, let her pull out a tray of stuff, choose one, and pay. The LTR’s method is to dither over the display cabinets, hem and haw, choose and discard several items, and THEN ask the sales lady for help.
There we are in this little shop in the mall. I’d gotten all my shopping done with the exception of this piece for my niece. After fretting for a couple of tens of minutes, the LTR and the sales girl are looking at charm bracelets. The LTR asks me if my niece has a charm bracelet already. I tell her I’m not sure, but I suspect she does. I tell her I’ll call my brother and find out.
As I’m on the phone with my brother, I find out that yes she does have a charm bracelet. I relay that information to the LTR as I’m still talking to my brother. At this point, the LTR has already switched gears and is now thinking a necklace with my niece’s birthstone would be a nice thing to get. The LTR decides that now is the time to bombard me with questions as I’m still talking to my brother.
LTR: Al, blah, blah, blah?
Al: Excuse me, I’m still on the phone.
LTR: No! (stamps her foot) You need to answer me. blah, blah, blah?
Al: I’m on the phone! Knock it off!! I’ll get to you in a minute.
LTR: (glares at Al)
Al: (wraps up his phone conversation with his brother, turning to LTR) What?
LTR: Is xxxx’s birthday in October?
Al: Yes, you know it is. Why do you need to ask me that?
And the LTR turns back to her engrossing conversation with the sales girl.
So is that the end of it? Of course not. We get back to the car and the LTR says,
LTR: You know I was only giving you a hard time in the store.
AL: Bullshit, you were totally serious.
LTR: No, I was just giving you a hard time the way you do it to me. It’s not very fun is it?
Al: I have never done that to you. You were flat out rude.
The LTR was contrite after that. She made up for her rude behavior in bed that night.
