One could not ask for a more clear example of the stark realities of today’s sexual marketplace. Over at shine from Yahoo, Julie Ryan Evans provides us with an interesting glimpse into the mind of a mistress.
From Jenny Sanford to Elizabeth Edwards to Jennifer Aniston, women scorned are in the headlines regularly. It’s for them that we ache and empathize; we become outraged on their behalf and at the men they once considered their “better” halves.
There are two sides to the coin of human sexuality. Women are naturally hypergamous, Men are naturally polygamous. Women’s goals are to mate with the most socially dominant male they can find. To put it more crudely, women go where the gina tingle leads them. Men’s goals are to spread their seed far and wide with the best looking women they can find. A necessary component of civilization is to curb the worst tendencies of both sexes in order to provide stability. The rise of feminism and the various sexual revolutions of the 20th century have unchained the beast.
The scare quotes are a nice flourish. A paean to the feminist alter?
But behind every one of these marital meanderings that happen every day in every city is a mistress, and it’s about them we wonder – how could they?
How could they not? Last I checked marital infidelity was approaching parity. I wouldn’t be surprised if women were more often unfaithful by now. Oh, wait, that would require women to be honest about their sexual natures and a willingness to answer questions honestly.
What makes her want a “taken” man so badly to perform such an orchestrated affair?
“I love being the mistress,” says Trisha. “It grants me all the benefits of a relationship, a confidant and sexual partner, without bogging my own growth with the more mundane aspects of a relationship or taking up an excessive amount of time.”
As for the man’s wife, Trisha feels she’s actually helping her.
And there you have it. The orgasm, the gina tingle, the modern feminist’s alpha and omega of existence. Honey, if you don’t have the mundane aspects of a relationship then all you really have is rutting like an animal. What you don’t have is a relationship. One simple question. Does Trisha really think that the guy’s wife would feel like she’s being helped by her husband’s infidelity? Trish, keep lying to yourself toots.
“I hope he doesn’t leave her for me,” she says. “That would be absurd. Affairs should never become monogamous relationships. How can you ever trust someone who has so clearly demonstrated such a lack of conscience, such a talent with lying and stealing? It’s not a trick question: you can’t. A foundation of lies – even if they belong to both of you – is no foundation at all.”
No, you don’t say. Shocking.
Lisa*, 38, has been a mistress twice – once in her early 20s and once in her early 30s, both times while she was married as well. One affair lasted almost two years, the other just a few months. Both times she says that while she had to sneak out on occasion, the hardest thing was not letting her husband know where her “brain was”.
“I loved being around my husband, but the thrill of someone new who thought I was mysterious and interesting just trumped that commitment I made to my husband,” Lisa says. “I was really happy and inspired being around M, and so it was tough to not be able to share that with my husband. That might sound weird …”
She says her husband never suspected the affair.
“I think my husband had become more of a roommate than a husband. I don’t think my husband ever realized what was going on – he probably just thought I was eating better or had joined a gym or something.”
I’ll boil this down. Her husband WAS a beta provider who didn’t give her the gina tingle. From the phrasing, it would seem she’s no longer married. Notice the complete lack of respect for her ex-husband, the contemptuous way she dismisses him? Guys, it’s simple. DON’T GET MARRIED.
Rachel*, 43, met a man online and immediately connected with him on their first date over lunch. After that they spent nearly every day together for months – including weekends- but “we always parted ways in the evening because he had a sick dog at home.”
She had her first inkling that something may be amiss during a romantic birthday weekend when he received a series of phone calls that seemed be of the “yes dear” variety. A few days later he broke the news.
“I noticed he seemed nervous and emotional. On the verge of tears emotional. I asked him what was going on with him. He said, ‘What’s the worst thing I could tell you.’”
“You’re married,” she replied.
He nodded and started bawling.
“Why he was bawling I have no idea why. He was doing exactly what he wanted to do and getting exactly what he wanted. What the hell did he have to cry about?”
Bawling! Read that last quote again and tell me that the gina tingle didn’t turn to ashes immediately. He went from lover to loser in one fell swoop.
