For most women I know, their feelings are more ‘real’ than facts. There is no objective truth, there is only their emotional response to stimuli. Event A makes them feel emotion B, therefore event A is good/bad. End of story. No more analysis needs to be done.
Here’s how a typical argument used to go with the LTR. LTR would tell me a long winded story full of extraneous facts that had nothing to do with the main thrust of the story. Finally after 5 to 10 minutes she would make her point and emphasize it with something along the lines of, “…and isn’t that just awful/incredible?” My responses varied, but (if applicable) I generally might supply countervailing facts that undermined the support for her emotional response. Things would escalate from there as she would be pissed I wouldn’t see things her way. At that point my emotions would escalate – I lose. Even though I had the facts on my side, I lose because she was able to change the frame to an emotional, irrational one. It’s not easy, but I’ve learned to not fall for this. Every once in a while, I do backslide. Hey, I’m human (I think).
Here’s a hint, undermining a woman’s emotional response always makes women angry. They will almost always take the new information you provide as a personal attack. The reason it clear. They are emotionally invested in their viewpoint and it is integrated into who they are. Many women have been indulged in their narcissism their whole lives. As a result, those things that generate positive emotions in them are seen as intrinsically good, those that generate negative feelings therefore must be bad.
Old story. Woman tells man about something that’s making her feel some negative emotion. It could be anything. Guilt, anger, outrage, fear, sadness. I don’t know. Man offers suggestions to fix problem, or a course of action to alleviate the burden of said negative emotions. Woman turns to man and is pissed off. Woman tells man that she’s not telling the man these things in the hopes that he can solve the problem, she wants man to share said emotion (ie provide validation to her emotional response). Man looks at woman like she’s crazy. Why tell the man these things if she doesn’t want to fix the problem?
As Dr. Paul said last week at the Spearhead. Our feelings tell us if we need to change a situation that is causing us discomfort. Wallowing in our emotions is counter productive. Men learn this early on through social conditioning. Too many women accept that their emotional response is the end of the line. How many of you get angry during an argument with your significant other, and stay angry long after the argument is over? Most guys I know are able to work through their anger and move on quickly. How many women do you know like this? In my decade and a half plus years as an adult I’m still waiting to meet a woman who can do this.
