A major and undeniable feature of the combined MRA and Game sectors of the Internet-what some have coined collectively as the “Manosphere”-is the very real and palpable sense of disillusionment, pain, anger, rage and even hatred on the part of many of its participants. Onlookers-usually but not necessarily limited to Women-often make the observation that these are the losers of the Dating and Mating Dance, the Sour Grapers of Life who no reasonable Woman would want. In some cases, this is true, but even in that being the case, it doesn’t entirely invalidate the feelings many Men have.
This is because for so many Men, they feel they’ve been duped-that they’ve been sold a bill of goods about how the real world works, especially as it relates to Women, sex and relationships. Every Man reading this has seen, with his own eyes, Women falling head over heels for the Jerk, the Cad, the Asshole-they care not one whit for their feelings, nor bodies, and use and abuse them-only for the Women to come back for more and more. Often, it takes years for the Women involved to wakeup and smell the coffee. In the meantime, the Nice Guys get…the hand. Theirs.
Of course, we know that it is difficult for Women, taken as a group mind you, to see any of these thins clearly, let alone to be brutally honest about their own, and/or the behavior of their Sisters. One of the first things a Man learns in his Game training is that Women, by and large, simply will NOT initiate things; if the Man doesn’t do it, nine times out of time, it won’t happen. Moreover, a Woman will “backward rationalize” WHY she did/does what she did/does, seeking Plausible Deniability so as to avoid taking any responsibility for her role in things. This is because being called on the carpet, having her feet held to the fire, and potentially bearing the brunt of social disapproval, is a very, very painful experience for the vast majority of Women in ways the vast majority of Men never even stop to think about. We cannot expect this to change, at least not in the full blush and bloom of a Woman’s life-in her late teens through late 20s, and even beyond-because it is “hardwired” into her psyche. Men who learn and understand Game principles, accept this as the cost of doing business, and get on with it.
Still, the personal sting of having gone through a callous rejection for in essence, being what Postmodern Society says we should be, in favor of the Reprobate Male, is deep and longlasting. And sure, while such an experience can dominate our destiny, it need not be so.
There is the view among many in the Manosphere, that one cannot be a Gentleman and still be successful with Women; on this, I patently disagree. In this post, I will attempt to layout why I take such a position, and how Game can indeed help the Nice Guy finish first.
OK-so let’s look at a few things. The number one reason why Nice Guys finish last isn’t because they supplicate themselves (although that IS a factor, no doubt), are passive (again, another important factor), or are doormats (yet another factor), but because they’ve never been taught the difference between being a Gentleman, and being a Chump. There’s a huge, huge difference.
A Chump is all of the things I’ve just mentioned above-a lilly livered emotional tampon to Women, who never stands up for himself and lets Women run all over him. As a rule, these behaviors “spillover” into other areas of his life, often having nothing to do with Women. They signal a lack of options in life, and simply put, no Woman if she can help it, wants a Man with no other options.
A Gentleman, on the other hand, is one who has made a conscious choice to develop himself in as many ways as possible-mentally, spiritually, physically, socially, economically, etc. He may be more successful in some areas than others, but he is always seeking to improve himself, even if that only means in small ways. Gentlemen take the high road, not because they hope it will get them the girl, but because it’s a statement about them as Men. It has NOTHING to do with the Women; its about the Men.
Many Chumps do what they do in the hopes of scoring with the Woman; I’m here to tell you, you’re not only wasting your time, but the Woman who scorned you will, if she refers to you at all, will be to clown you to her friends. It may be cruel, but its the truth. This is why being a “friend” to Women, responding to Women on social networking sites and the like, are many time wasters for the vast majority of Men, signal DLV, and only provide low investment ego gratification boosts to Women. This is because, it is hardwired into Women to want to be sexually *desired* by Men. She doesn’t need to follow through on anything; simply getting the attention is enough.
Gentlemen, knowing well the ways of the realworld and how it operates-especially with regard to Women-understand that it is a Fool’s Errand in most cases, to pursue Women in such a way. In fact, a Gentlemen almost NEVER pursues Women; if anything, it’s the other way around. Why?
Because Women know Quality when they see it, even if instinctively-and especially in a day and age where Quality Men are in drastically short supply. Being a Gentleman sets you apart from the pack, by your appearance manner of speaking, and all around general decorum. It is NOT a matter of formal schooling (though it can help), or a matter of one’s occupation and by extension, income (though again, it can help); rather, it is the suite of character traits that a Man has acquired throughout Life, that makes him into a Gentleman, IF he learns to see things in their proper perspective. Women are drawn to such Men like moths to a flame. A Gentleman never need worry about not having Feminine company if he desires it.
Here’s a good example of what I mean, and speaks directly to what I’ve spoken about above-most Men blame themselves when they see a gal going hard for a socalled Alpha Asshole Male. This is natural and to be expected. But a Gentleman understands, that actually, such a Woman is to be pitied, on two counts-she’s missed out on a truly good thing, and she’s signalled that *she is not worthy of a Gentleman’s time*. It is not what happens to you in Life that defines you, but *how you respond* that makes the difference. The difference between the angry fellows throughout the Manosphere and the Gentlemen of the World, is that they see what happens to and around them in completely different ways, which then leads to them responding in totally different ways. Simply put, it takes a strong Man of character to resist catering to the lowest common denominator in the name of sex or even relationship; a Man who does is rarely a fulfilled or happy one, to say nothing of principled.
Can a Man be a Gentleman and have Game? *sly grin* Why, of course! Study your history. Some of the most sought after Men in History, weren’t brutes or assholes, but Gents.
The difference is, that Gentlemen don’t give Women anything they haven’t EARNED. Women, in order to respect a Man, have to feel that they’ve “won” him over all other Women in the round, so to speak; when a Man gives too much too soon, which can happen in many forms, it signals to a Woman that, again, he is of lower value, rank, social class, etc, and she will lose interest. Moreover, such Men will let obvious infractions on the part of Women slide, out of FEAR THAT HE WILL LOSE HER. Women know these things, if only dimly in the back of their hindbrains, and act accordingly. Which explains why, for example, so many guys go home alone after being at the club or bar for four or five hours straight. They don’t even have any phone numbers to show for their night out, because let’s face it, the goal for the vast majority of guys going out to such places is to score.
Gentlemen, on the other hand, have no problem calling a Woman on many of her irrational and indeed, immature ways-the difference is in the manner of tone, style, language and so on. Ever notice that I rarely use foul language? Notice how more and more WOMEN, are using it? Part of the reason why I don’t engage in such low speak, is to one, differentiate myself from the those who do, in this Women, who are reacting emotionally; and two, to convey that I can express myself in ways that does not resort to me sounding like a drunken sailor on the docks. Trust you me, there is NOTHING more painful, to a Woman, than to have a Man dress her down in such a smooth and eloquent way. In fact, the best way, other than Bemused Silence, to deal with Women, is to simply and calmly, point out their flaws in perfect diction, tone and vocabulary befitting a Gentleman of Higher Value-and then take your leave.
Gentlemen don’t LOOK like all the other Men out there-they take great care in their appearance, and often can and do make WOMEN jealous of how pretty they look. I myself have been upbraided by Women for my “outshining them” at a social function and so forth. I’ve been told by WOMEN that I have too many suits, shoes, coats, and that all of this is “crowding her space”. I’ve drawn the ire of a Woman because I chose to wear a suit that looked particularly nice on me (and that many other Women approved). Mind you, I’ve never set out to make a Woman jealous; its simply a fact that I care so much about how I look, and express myself to others in social settings, that can and does make Women MAD AT ME, for taking the focus off them, and putting it on ME. Trust me, you’ve seen nothing until you’ve seen a Jealous Woman.
Gentlemen are always mindful of their word, and keep it, not because they’re hoping to get some, but because its about their word. Men who can’t keep their word aren’t fit for anything in this world. So if a Gentleman has pledged to be monogamous with a Woman, he holds to it. If he’s “managed expectations” with a Woman, he holds to that. And so on. Men who can’t be trusted to uphold their word aren’t Men to be trusted, and certainly are not Gentlemen.
Gentlemen work to develop their minds-and it has NOTHING to do with what school they attended. In fact, if anything, history tells us that the most intelligent, eloquent Gentlemen had little if any formal schooling. One of my personal heroes, motivational speaker Les Brown, once said that for every suit or piece of clothing you buy, you should also spend the equivalent sum on books and other materials to develop your mind. I took his advice to heart-for every suit I bought, I also bought at least one book, if not several. My personal reading habit got to the point that I was reading four to five books (non-fiction) a month, including newspapers, magazines, journals and periodicals. It’s a practice that has stood me in good stead, and has paid off-virtually all who know me consider me to be very well read and spoken, both of which earns me the respect of others.
Gentlemen also have a great degree of control over their desires and tastes-Chumps, and for that matter, Assholes, do not. Neither are terribly discriminating, they just go about it in very different ways. Notice how Gentlemen almost NEVER hops on the first skirt that moves; in fact, they are often oblivious to it, often than a quick glance to enjoy the view.
There’s much more that I can say here, but here’s the bottomline: being a Gentleman takes consistent effort, diligence, patience and focus. It is about personal refinement and agency, and it is about a deep and profound sense of empowerment. What many Men lack in our time is someone to show them real alternatives to what passes now for “masculinity”. This lil blog of mine, is one small step in addressing the many misconceptions out there. Inshallah, it’ll make a small difference.
Now, adjourn your arses…
The Obsidian
