With Roissy evidently back to his usual blogging duties despite attempts by others to have him shutdown, and because I frequently get letters from interested readers offline asking me about the subject title of this post, I thought now would be a good time to address all of that.
Many have observed the degree of out and out anger, rage and hatred expressed by many young Man in some Game-related venues, and often, Roissy in DC is at or near the top of the list in that regard. There’s been much that has been said about this, on all sides, and to be sure, there’s a lot of meat on the bone-there’s enough blame to go around, as the old adage would say.
But I thought to approach the matter from a more individualistic perspective, since in the end, that’s what Game is all about-YOU. It, in and of itself, doesn’t focus on wider social issues, the economy or politics, or even Feminism; sure, one can argue that Game is a response or adaptation to a changed social landscape, and in this regard I would agree that the Crimson Gamester is perhaps the first to really “connect the dots” in that regard, among other things, regardless as to whether you agree with him or not. But my view has been, that unless you’re in a position to directly, heck, even indirectly, influence public policy, there’s really not much point in spending too much time worrying about things you don’t have much power over to change.
And besides, let’s face it-many people like dealing in “big” stuff, BECAUSE it gives them an “out” as to why they can’t make changes in their own lives. It acts as a kind of scapegoat, because if there are outer, larger and more powerful forces, the rationale goes that it is that which must be dealt with first, before anything on the more personal, intimate level can change.
This is surely the case in the Game community, or at least certain corners of it. Many Men are deeply angry at what they perceive-and let’s be fair now, with some degree of veracity-an essentially stacked deck insofar as the advantages that Women have in our time, from flirting and the way Nature has determined the mating dance will go, all the way through to divorce law and child support edicts-all of which are bolstered by the Power of the State. Many Men are deeply resentful about all of this, and again, there’s a “there”, there. So for some who take issue with the deep well of discontent on the part of so many Men in the Roissysphere and beyond, yet refuse to see any of the real and legit causes/sources of said discontent, is to be at best naive, and at worst disingenuous.
Having said all that though, the fact remains, that at the end of the day, the only person you can change, or directly help for the better, is YOU. Moreover, your issues, your failures, your this and your that, are not problems others can or should solve. They are your concerns, and can only be addressed by YOU. And if you don’t seem all that interested in solving your problems, you really can’t blame anyone else for not being all that excited in giving you a helping hand either. It may be trite, but its true nevertheless-God helps those, who help themselves.
So, while I too am fascinated at the kind of “Roissyian” analysis of Game, focused a bit on the larger macro forces at work, I’m gonna focus in on what the individual guy reading this can do with his anger, his discontent, to make a difference in his own life.
One, let’s start here, with what I see as thee biggest failing on the part of a lot of guys who enter the Gamesphere-they learn a hodge podge of methods, canned lines and the like, none of which are, in and of themselves, a bad thing, but they go out and get angry (or angrier, depending), because they was never taught, or they never got, this essential truth:
In order to be successful with Women, to ANY degree, yo have to see things the way they do.
In other words, you have to have empathy. Yes, that’s right. You have to give a damn about the people or person you’re dealing with enough to at least try to see things from their point of view. Why? Because, as Sun Tzu himself once famously said, know you’re enemy, and you know yourself. If you don’t know who you’re dealing with, how can you possibly “win”? The simple truth is, that most guys-even those in Game circles-simply don’t know or understand Women much at all. That’s OK. We all gain knowledge in degrees. Fortunately for us guys, learning about Women, about Life itself, is a skill that can be acquired, through observation, study, patience and diligence. Your success with Women is in direct proportion to how well you know them, how they think, how they’re most likely to act or react to given situations, and so on. A lot of guys are angry at Women, because they don’t understand them and think they should respond to things the way THEY would. This is classic Projection, and something we all do, and must try to reign in if we want to be successful with others. That doesn’t mean toss away who you are or forsake you’re about. It means being able to know what the other is like, so that you’ll be in a much better position to get that which you want.
Two, lots of guys are angry at Women because of the inherent, they believe, disadvantage Women have in the mating dance-and let’s be honest, on some levels and in some ways, they DO have an advantage. For one, Women mature physically faster than boys-emotionally, too. This means that they can size up social situations quicker than most boys of comparable age and exploit them to their advantage. Moreover, because they’ve become Women at a younger age than when boys become Men, they can now wield a powerful weapon-their Sexuality-over Men and boys alike. Trust me when I tell you, it is not lost on Women the power this has over Men, they know it well. And because Women, even in our time, know full well that they don’t have to approach Men much at all, yea, I can see why a lot of guys would be miffed at the seemingly unfairness of it all.
But what they don’t get, is the full picture. A lot of guys in this cohort are looking at this thing through a keyhole, instead of through a door. Many guys miss the fact that for starters, a reasonably attractive gal-let’s say she’s a solid 7-can and will be approached, easily, dozens, if not hundreds, of times in a month?-by guys who for the most part, she’s not interested in AT ALL. Remember, for Women, the name of the game ain’t quantity, its quality. Lots of guys can’t see that because of their own lack of getting any action at all, and its quite understandable. But it doesn’t change the facts on the ground. Second, Women have a completely different concept of Time than we do-a guy can afford to piss away an entire decade, pull himself together and become a success. We’ve all seen this, in ways big and small. Take actor Robert Downey Jr, for example. His struggles with drug addiction are well documented. His career, until very recently, was all but dead; prior to hits such as Iron Man, The Soloist and Sherlock Holmes, people only really remember stuff like Chaplin, for which, as I recall, he got an Oscar nod. Yet, look at him today-talk about a comeback. I mean really, how many guys can pull off being Tony Stark AND one of the greatest detectives in all of English Literature-to say nothing of still being able to turn in powerful performances about real life stories, like The Soloist or Zodiac? And keep in mind, Downey is well north of 40 years old. Based on his career at this point, he’s finally really, truly, come into his own.
Now, consider any major Hollywood actress, and ask yourself is there anyone on that side of the aisle who’s done anything similar? I’ll wait. Oh, sure, there are older Women actresses-Meryl Streep comes to mind-but none who did the Downey thing.
And that’s my point. Women simply cannot afford to take such a “detour”-for them, the lost, or wandering years can prove fateful, even “fatal” for them, because they have a time limit on their hotness, to be frank. If they’ve taken care of themselves, combined by a huge helping hand by Mother Nature, they’ll be able to get 20 years out of it-somewhere between late 30s to early 40s, at most. And, for all intents and purposes, that’ll be about it. For us guys, it is not at all unusual for us to still be rolling-on the ascent-well into our 40s. As a Man who’s 40-plus myself (just had my 41st b’day last month), and having been where so many of you are now at, I can tell all of you, without any fear of doubt, that Life for me is just beginning, that sex is the bomb, that I truly like what I see looking back at me in the mirror when I get up in the morning and before I hit the sack at night.
So, I completely understand when Women act as they do, why they put so much focus on a “successful” Man and so forth, because they instinctively know, despite all their verbal protestations to the contrary, that their time is limited in a way that just isn’t the case for us Men. We don’t have to like it, and what Man wants to basically be rejected-but we should respect the hand Mother Nature has handed the Ladies. We can’t be mad at em.
And thirdly, many Men are angry at the way in which Women get all kinds of help, from school and college, to jobs and the Law. And much of their observations on this point are true, indeed. To the untrained eye, it appears that the Girls have all the cards.
But, consider this: on Sep 11, 2001, 19 Men, armed only with boxcutters, wrested control of two airliners and knocked out America’s two front teeth. And we ain’t been right since. Our country has fought and defeated the most powerful military forces known to Man-the Soviet Union, Tojo’s Japan, Hitler’s Germany, King George’s British Empire-but we couldn’t do anything with 19 Brown guys from the desert who put a hurtin’ on us using the Jason Bourne Method. And to add insult to injury, the same group who sent those dudes?-they sent another who came *this close* to suckerpunching us in the gut, just last month, w/a bomb in his BVDs.
GAME, if I may make a deeply politically incorrect analogy, is a lot like those Brown guys from the desert, and Women are a lot like the USA. With just a teeny amount of Game a guy can change things, literally, overnight. I BS you not, I’ve seen it firsthand. This, given the advantages in time that we have, makes the Man with Solid, or even Moderate Game, for all intents, Invincible. Think about it-Women need, in addition to makeup, hairdos, tons of shoes and dresses and bags, Title IX, Affirmative Action, set aside contracts, gov’t protected jobs, Child Support and Divorce laws, Sexual Harrassment laws, Rape laws in all its permutations, VAWA, IMBRA, PLUS the inherent advantages Mama Nature gave em, and they STILL cannot defend against GAME. With a minimal financial investment (I personally spent no more than about $60 for four books) and a minimal investment in time studying, observing and practicing (personally, I got results within 60 days or less), a guy can turn the tables in the dating game and mating dance, to his advantage, and of course, to his and his intended Woman’s mutual benefit.
Which explains, in part, why one of the traits of an Alpha Male, is his smile.
When you’re on your A-Game, you’ll be smiling a lot, too.
*Puts on Patridge Family theme song*
Now adjourn your smiling asses…
The Obsidian
