By Thrown Away Dad
As my visitation weekend drew closer, I had a stong feeling that something was amiss. A little league tryout was scheduled for the Saturday morning of my visitation weekend and I was curious why the heroic single mother had not yet sent me a snarky e-mail ordering me to take my son to the tryout. She knows full well I will be there at the tryout anyway and that I don’t need to be told, but she still enjoys pretending that I am such a louse that I must be ordered to be there. With the absence of the e-mail, my best guess was that she was hoping I knew nothing of the tryout and then later she could cry foul that I refused to take him.
As I drove to my son’s school, I was thinking about how much I was looking forward to picking him up and us going together to the tryout Saturday morning. At least for a few hours on Saturday morning, I could pretend to be one of the fathers and not just a visitor to my boy. I was also looking forward to telling him that I had been selected as a head coach. I knew this would make him very happy and very proud. Unfortunately, I also knew that my ex would be very upset about my involvement as a head coach of one of the little league baseball teams. Myself being an active father and volunteering as a little league coach simply does not fit the narrative of herself as a victim of a bad man that she is forever trying to sell to anyone who will listen. When she chose to break the family, she moved to a another community and although her new town is not terribly far away from mine, it is a place where I am virtually unknown. Because of this, it has been a 4 year long effort on my part to make myself known enough and trusted enough in her town that I am now allowed to be a head coach of my son’s little league team.
My hunch that something was amiss was spot on. Instead of being allowed to pick up my son, I was greeted by a County Deputy and served with an emergency order of protection. The reader might be surprised to hear that the police officer served me with an emergency order of protection, however as a father who has been dragged through the divorce mill, I was not surprised at all. This now makes the third emergency order of protection that my ex has taken out on me and not a one of them have anything to do with an emergency. Not a one of them have anything to do with someone needing protection. In fact, as the Police Officer was informing me that fulfilling my responsibilities as a father is now a criminal offense, it occured to me that due to this emergency order of protection, I could not attend the Saturday morning baseball tryout, just as my ex wished. It was Friday afternoon and there was no way I could get into the courthouse and attempt to get the OP vacated before the Saturday Baseball tryout.
My gut reaction at first was to ignore the emergency order of protection and instead show up at the practice field on Saturday morning and fulfill my responsibilities as a coach. Showing up at the Saturday practice of course would be a violation of the emergency order of protection because my son would be there, but the rebellious side of me envisioned a media storm about a Father being arrested for “Coaching his little league team”. However as the minutes and hours ticked by, I realized that showing up at the tryout would lead to myself being arrested in front of all of the children and the other coaches and parents. Everyone who would witness this arrest would learn of the ominous sounding emergency order of protection and I would no doubt lose my gig as a little league coach, just as the heroic single mother wanted.
Upon coming to the regretful decision that I simply could not attend the Saturday tryout, I realized that I had to inform the gentleman who runs the league that I could not be there. Naturally, I wanted to share with him the news of the emergency order of protection, and explain to him that just because I have one on me doesn’t mean I have done anything wrong. I wanted to inform him that this is merely a tactic of the divorcing mother to obstruct my involvement as a loving father. I know however that if anyone unfamiliar with the family court system hears the words Emergency Order of Protection and my name in the same sentence, they will conclude that something is terribly wrong. Thus, I would not be the kind of father they would want coaching a little league team. I called the gentleman on my cell phone and simply told him I could not make Saturday’s tryout. He was disappointed, but said OK. Thank goodness he did not ask me why I could not attend.
With the court date set for Wednesday, I had the emergency order of protection still hanging over my head when I went to the Tuesday coaches meeting where players were selected. I envied the other coaches as they cracked jokes about their wives, their jobs, and their friends. While they were all laughing it up, I was sitting there sweating it out, afraid that my ex would show up at the meeting, call the police and try to get me arrested in front of the other coaches for violating the Order of Protection. Fortunately, the meeting place was not listed in the OP as a place that I could not be within 300 feet of, but I was still afraid that my ex might know about the coaches meeting and try to set up a scenario for my arrest. Thank goodness nothing of the sort happened and when the meeting was over, I was the first to leave and I drove away breathing a sigh of relief. I did not get arrested, and I kept my gig as a coach for my son’s little league team.
At the Wednesday afternoon court date, the emergency order of protection was vacated. This means it was thrown out. I’ll spare the reader the details of the hearing, however I am amazed that these emergency orders of protection are given out without even an allegation of any physical act. I found it difficult to behave myself as my ex sat on the stand, crying and telling the court how very concerned she is for our son. I wondered what must be going through my son’s mind during the weekend I was absent. I wonder how many times my ex told him that your father cannot see you because the wise grey haired judge issued this order to protect you from your Dad. When these divorcing Mothers cry on about how concerned they claim to be about their children, nobody would dare to suggest to them that their children would be better off if they did not divorce the Father in the first place.
When I returned home that evening after the court hearing where the OP was vacated, I received the snarky e-mails from my ex that I had expected a week earlier. Obviously, she was on a tirade because her ploy did not work. Coaching children’s sports teams is something that I have alot of experience doing. There really aren’t too many things that I consider myself darned good at, but the truth is, I am darned good at coaching the kids. I am really looking forward to doing one of the things that I do best this spring and summer and I’m happy for my son as well. It is such a crying shame that the lady who conned me into marrying her, and later took the marriage vows and later still chose to break them will be watching my every move, measuring my every word, looking for her opportunity to build a case against me and have me removed as a coach.
When I notice my right fielder not watching the batter, I will need to be careful not to be too loud when I tell him to pay attention. When I give one of my players an encouraging pat on the shoulder, I will be careful not to pat the player too hard. During practice, when I bat a ground ball to my own son, I will cringe, hoping the ball does not take a bad hop and bruise him somewhere. Despite all of these hardships and limitations, I realize that I am truly one of the lucky ones. I am still allowed to spend time with my boy. In a country that prides itself on freedom, justice for all, etc., the fathers who are allowed to spend crumbs of time with their children when the divorcing mothers wish otherwise are truly the lucky few.
Nice place we’re living in gentlemen.
