I thought the real-life Cap’n Save-a-Ho superheroes would be enough nonsense for this week, but it turns out that there is already an almost equally ridiculous scheme to outfit hookers with robotic platform shoes.
When I first came across these contraptions I thought it must be a joke, but these people seem quite serious.
Invoking the Greek goddess of love, the shoes are supposed to be a modern day version of special tramp sandals worn in ancient times to leave secret messages for interested men. However, in this case the shoes are gargantuan pieces of equipment with a confusing array of buttons that perform specific operations as well as an LCD screen that allows hookers to advertise contact info to potential clients.
In addition to the putative allure of screen, the shoes are supposed to provide crucial protection features, including an alarm that makes a loud screeching noise and calls either the police or a virtual pimping outfit (her choice). There is also a GPS in the heel so that the virtual pimp can keep track of her movements.
I’d think that one of the most important things to have in the event of an emergency would be some degree of mobility, but from the looks of it these shoes would fail in that regard. I can’t imagine even a lithe young ho moving at much more than a rapid shuffle with these bulky behemoths strapped to her feet.
Somehow, I don’t think many of these will sell.
