By Walt Forest
In my area, and perhaps in yours, the local news media regularly run stories of prostitution “stings.” In case you are not familiar with them, they work like this: female law enforcement officers pose as prostitutes. They may walk a street “known” for prostitution (which in my city means you may find, at most, a dozen down-and-out, drug-addicted women on a busy night, plus the gratuitous male transvestites), or they may arrange to meet a “john” at a motel. In any case, they lure men by claiming to supply sex for cash and, once a concrete offer is made, arrest them. Dozens of men are picked up this way on a single night.
Often one or more of the men will work for the school system, the local government, a church, or some other position easily sullied, making the story juicier. At the very least the journalist can mention that some of the men are married. The story is published and broadcast with the names and photos of the more prominent men arrested. All the city can cluck its tongue. The sheriff’s department or police can pat themselves on the back for “protecting” us. And the media boost their ratings. The old saying is true (in more ways than one): sex sells.
What do these prostitution stings say about our society?
First, to point out the obvious (which unfortunately has become necessary): these stings show that the men offering to pay for sex are, well, men. The victims are never women looking for male prostitutes. After two decades of reading sting stories in the local papers, I can recall only one case, excluding those involving gay hustlers, in which the prostitute was male. The cops who caught him were posing as man and wife looking for a male-female-male threesome. If someday the police do manage to catch a woman cruising for a gigolo, you can bet the media will milk the story for all its worth. In the meantime, if you are looking for examples of women paying for sex with men, I suggest you turn on a television show, go to the movies, or read the excessive and rather fantastic literature on this subject, because this is the only place you are likely to find them. In the real world, it is men who pay.
The prostitution sting stories also provide a rare measure of just how strong male sexual desire can be. These men risk everything—marriage, family, job, and prestige—for a little sex. Most of them are aware of the risk ahead of time. A sting story in my local paper just this morning describes how one victim checked the bathroom of the motel, searched the room for the hidden camera (and failed to find it). It is common for the man to question the undercover female law enforcement officer who serves as “bait,” all but beg her to tell him if she is a cop. Still, in the end, the risk is worth it to them. They offer to pay. They are arrested, carried away, and ruined.
Why don’t they just fly to Bangkok or some other place more tolerant of prostitution? Going half way around the world, paying for plane tickets, the hotel room, and the prostitute’s fee plus tips, is expensive, no doubt, but cheaper than the penalties here. Of course a lot of men nowadays do become sex tourists, and prostitutes abroad take care of them (far better than our domestic ones do). We have, for the most part, outsourced the industry.
Regardless of where the men go, the women of North America and much of Europe as well should get together and sing that old Sade song:
So put your hands together for Sally
She’s doing our dirty work
Every time a prostitution sting story appears in the local news, we must ask ourselves (or, as is increasingly the case, consciously avoid asking): If women and men feel basically the same about sex, the way we so often claim nowadays, why do so many men find it necessary not only to pay, but to ruin their lives in this way? Why don’t they take advantage of all the women who are supposedly so eager and willing to go to bed for free?
The common response is to chalk up the men who pay as losers. They are “too pathetic to get laid” in the ordinary way. But the stories reveal the victims of these stings are often successful and intelligent, sometimes young and good looking, too. They are not losers. They are not pathetic. They are just men, and they want sex in the way men do. Their crime is that they acted on their wants.
So we’re back to the question: why?
To paraphrase Thoreau: the majority of men live lives of quiet, sexual desperation. Each of us must deal with this desperation in his own way. Some turn to swinging and barter the sexual favors of their wives. Others make do with pornography. Still others bite the bullet, and submit to monogamy, even as the society that imposes it upon them commits the hypocrisy of claiming we are sexually free.
Paying cash for sex is just another option men have of dealing with this sexual desperation, and a relatively harmless one really. Some men get pushed over the edge and resort to violence, either physical (harassment, rape) or, far more often, emotional, usually by suggesting to women they are interested in love or commitment when they only want sex. Compared to this sort of behavior, paying for a prostitute is practically morally upstanding.
Do you believe that prostitution is a problem? Then solve is as you would any problem. Go straight to the root: men’s lack of sexual freedom. When more women start giving themselves away for free—free of charge, free of commitment and the promise thereof—men won’t find it necessary to pay. As soon as the heterosexual equivalents of gay bathhouses begin popping up all over the Western world, prostitution will drop drastically. Problem solved.
Do you think prostitution should be made legal? Very well. Base your argument for legalization on the facts: women and men are different, and this difference gives women a sexual power which men do not and cannot have. Prostitution, despite its many drawbacks, is a way of softening the repercussions of this inequality (though it does nothing to correct the inequality itself). Prostitution should then be accepted, even embraced. Anything less would be unjust.
Do you believe that prostitution is morally wrong? Then point to the positive example, the man who resists the temptation of prostitutes. Call him a gentleman without irony. Acknowledge the sacrifice he makes for your good and mine. (This sacrifice is difficult and painful). Our gentleman is a real Dr. Jekyll. He must keep Hyde under control.
But however you feel about prostitution, do not, please do not, pretend that the male sexual desperation these stings reveal is less than real. To do so is to mock one of the most powerful feelings men experience. It is like taunting an animal in a cage, encouraging it to lash out with a freedom it does not possess. Sooner or later, you’re going to wind up with a bitter, mean animal.
God help us if it gets out.
