Where Was Dad In All Of This? The Question Not Being Asked In Newtown Mass Murder

2012-12-22T10:16:12+00:00

Dad was making alimony payments of $10k a month.

What more do you want?

YetAnotherCommenter · 2012-12-22T06:21:42+00:00

"Imagine being a single mother handling a troubled, mentally ill son all by yourself. No backup. Nobody to be the bad guy -- the guy who puts his foot down."

"We don't even hear that young male elephants go on violent rampages unless they are kept in line by the old bulls."

So the correct role of a father is to basically control the kid/beat the 'seeds of evil' out of them, huh?

This is why I hate the Punisher Papa Narrative.

First, it is based on a pretty nasty view of maleness; the idea that males are naturally violent savage beasts in need of being tamed. Yes, it only applies to men - look at the horror over the book Battle Hymn Of The Tiger Mother, but of course boys need discipline huh? So boys are bucking broncos in need of being broken, but girls are wholesome innocent obedient and docile creatures who can't possibly do anything wrong... where have we heard this before?

It also flies in the face of reality. Are these kids really the product of permissive parenting?!? I don't think so... if I remember correctly, most of the worst serial killers were brought up in strict religious homes.

Not only that, but since when is obedience and compliance the antidote to violence? Milgram's obedience experiments would suggest the opposite - people that are more compliant are far more willing to commit acts of violence on behalf of an authority figure, washing their hands of responsibility. The military is a violent organization by nature (even a purely defensive military's aim is the use of violence for defensive purposes), and it is hardly an environment for renegade rebelness.

I agree that fathering is an undervalued (these days), underanalyzed role, but reverting to Dobson-esque cliches is hardly the solution.

Oh, and just adding a few things.... given males in general are more harshly punished for the same actions (in both schools and the justice system) relative to females... how so many male-centric institutions praise and incentivize obedience and hierarchy (including urban street gangs)... it seems pretty shallow to blame lack of paternal authoritarianism for these massacres.

2012-12-23T15:30:54+00:00

I hate that question.

Women are independent, can take care of children, responsible, etc etc but when as soon as shit happens: WHERE WAS THE FATHER?! WHY WASN'T THE MAN THERE?!

Same thing happened when a mom killed one of her triplet newborns in my city a few years ago. She threw him into his basinet and suffered head injuries. Of course, "Where was the father?" Working to provide for the cribs, formula, diapers, clothes, soothers, mortgage, power, hot water, food. The woman even had respite care, so it wasn't like she was all alone with 3 babies 24/7. But, hey, it's all his fault because he wasn't there.

Title	Where Was Dad In All Of This? The Question Not Being Asked In Newtown Mass Murder
Author	crazy89
Upvotes	22
Comments	5
Date	December 22, 2012 4:29 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/159leg/where_was_dad_in_all_of_this_the_question_not/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/where-was-dad-in-all-of-this-the-question-not.1005974 https://theredarchive.com/post/1005974

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