Long story short. A plate was promoted to LTR a while ago. All the good signs present. Sex life is great. BDSM, daddy play, rough, being tied up is all part of our sex life. Even rape play.

Yesterday, I was inquiring about an ex of hers that she dumped. He's behind bars because of drug dealing, even beating up a guy almost to the hospital because his girlfriend had a new boyfriend.

Turns out this guy had tried to rape her. He got her down to her underwear and she was in tears before she managed to get him to stop by sweet talking him into telling him she loved him and wanted to give him another chance then never spoke to him again. He ended up not actually penetrating her but as far as I know everything but that was done in a pretty typical rape fashion. Covered her mouth and restrained her etc.

Now hear me out. When I heard this I was phsycially ill to my stomach. I engage in rape play and everything she mentioned were things I do. I almost felt like I was one too.

I probably fucked up here by asking her if she liked it (all I could think of was how exhilarating it must have been). She replied with a prompt no and it seemed genuine.

In all honesty this has hit me with an insecurity. Because the things we engage in as a fantasy, were actually a reality for her once. She was this close to actually being ravaged and taken without choice. All things I engage in but at the end of the day it's CONSENSUAL and she loves every bit of it.

This might be a bit fucked, but I guess I almost feel like as if now I don't compare, because she had the real deal. As in no matter how rough I am with her it won't be as intense and real as an an actual rape attempt.

How should I go about coping with this? Should I compensate by fucking even rougher?