Gay Men as Feminist "Allies"

Octagonecologyst · 2012-05-17T02:30:38+00:00

Thanks for reminding me why I stopped reading AVfM articles.

2012-05-17T03:08:28+00:00

Agree with the central point: namely, that feminism appropriates other civil rights movements.

zdenekn · 2012-05-17T16:37:21+00:00

I'm openly Bi, and this story is actually similar to the same reasons why I stopped following feminism and waving its banner.

About 2 1/2 years ago, my gay friend asks me to be wingman for him at a gay-friendly bar for the night; I was not out yet to others close to me, but I agreed, the basic arrangement that if there were any straight girls or other bi-guys there with someone he was interested in, I would entertain them while he did his thing.

During the night, I got some repetitive physical attention from some of the guys there, even after telling them that I'd like my space, that made me feel uncomfortable. My friend noticed this, and since he wasn't meeting anyone he found interesting, agreed that we'd leave.

During the drive home, the first thoughts in my mind were "Wow, men are sexist, this must be how some women feel at bars and clubs sometimes." At the same time, I was having some flashback triggers, and was not feeling in the best of mental states.

After I dropped him off at his place, I went online to see if I could chat with anyone about what happened. I tried telling some of my female friends, who I had worked with on campus rape prevention stuff before, about how I experienced some of what they were talking about first-hand.

However, instead of getting some semblance of support from them, most responses went something to the tune of 'Well, you went to a gay bar, how'd you expect not to get manhandled'/'it's not like you could've gotten raped there whereas we could' it was at that point they asked me if I was in fact gay or not, even though I felt like that fact was completely irrelevant to what happened that night. At that point I distanced myself away from them, and the movement in general.

tl;dr I'm bi, had a shitty night out, and had a first-hand dose of male erasure when I tried to talk to some of my former feminist friends about it.

Title	Gay Men as Feminist "Allies"
Author	avoiceformen
Upvotes	0
Comments	4
Date	May 16, 2012 9:57 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/tqmm1/gay_men_as_feminist_allies/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/gay-men-as-feminist-allies.1021684 https://theredarchive.com/post/1021684

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