Hi, I am relatively new here ( couple of weeks trying to comprehend everything, that's why i am at the anger phase based on everything i read). My story is this: I am 21 years old, i spend my high school obsessed with one girl, and never really having a relationship (few dates here and there), not noticing other girls at all, even when they were throwing themselves at me (I realized this in retrospect). A year ago I met a girl and entered into a LTR. I was honest about everything, the fact that i was a virgin at the time, the fact that I am emotionally crippled (at the time it made sense to be honest about my feelings). She lost her virginity at 15/16, and had sex with 2 other men, but had many relationships even with another girl. Now the time with her was the best time i had. Because she was wild we had sex outdoors, she gave a bj in a bar once (it was an absinthe bar, and it was empty on the second floor). She did not believe i was a virgin because the sex with me was the best she has had. Apparently i was very dominant (some hidden alpha traits i guess). So fast forward to this year, i find out that she cheated on me with 3 guys 3 months into our relationship. It was when she was abroad, and she only made out ( i contacted the other guys because believe me she denied until the end).With one guy they developed some kind of relationship, telling they love each other etc, but never saw each other again. Now i dont know for sure if she did anything else but still cheating is cheating, whether she had sex or not. So my illusion was broken about love, and I found the red pill. I get that she was 17 at the time, but still being young and stupid is not an excuse for cheating.

Now the catch is i am going to live with the girl who cheated on me. Because I am going to live in a new country with her, because of school (i am a musician), at least that was the plan before I found out about the cheating. She said she regrets it, she doesn't want to be without me, she loves me etc., so I said we either have an open relationship or i go on my own. She agreed to an open relationship (although I am having doubts whether or not she is capable, or even if I am capable). My question is: is it possible to have an open relationship, and kill this feeling, presumably of anger in my gut, or am i better of on my own? By the way the apartment we found is mostly for couples and it is very cheap, in comparison to how good it is. My pragmatic side is all for that open relationship, but at times i feel like i am eating myself from the inside, mostly because she cheated on me, and the fact that i am trying to accept the redpill philosophy.

Any advice is welcome. I should mention my game is very weak it is impossible for me to start a conversation from a cold approach let alone have it escalate into sex. I may even have some kind of social anxiety issues, mostly due to lack of experience. My looks and physique are average (i think) but I have been told i am good looking by girls before. Also all my life i have been career driven, i am a pianist (and a good one, not just saying that i have won some competitions) so i dont consider myself a loser even if it stings a bit the fact that i don't have much experience with women.

Again sorry for the long read, it is basically my whole life (for redpill purposes).

Peace ✌️