I also posted this in askreddit but it was suggested to try posting it here as well.

I don't really want to get into too many details seeing how this is a throwaway and I'd like to keep this as private as possible. Just for context I live in NY State.

My gf says she will be leaving within the next couple of days and move a couple of hours away to the town where both of our families live. She is taking my daughter with her and I need to know what I should do. I am the sole provider for my family and she has been a stay at home mom since before our daughter was born. She has no car, no savings (maybe $100 to her name) but will be staying at least initially at her parents house. She is a great mother and my daughter is in zero danger of abuse or neglect. I just want to protect my rights as I have heard the father usually gets the short end of the stick. I would like to start out with joint custody unless I see her not doing whats best for our daughter (but thats something to deal with later). As far as I can tell she is ok with joint custody but keeps making everything seem like she is doing me a favor and she could have full custody if she wanted. Basically saying that by her being the mother she gets preferential treatment etc. My daughter and her are both currently on my health insurance.

Some of the main questions I have are as follows:

  • Should I contact a lawyer?
  • My daughter was born where we currently live. Should I try to have the custody hearing here?
  • Is there anything I should/shouldn't say?
  • Anything I should document?
  • How should I deal with the babies belongings. A lot was given to us by my family and friends and is stuff I will need but I also want to make sure my daughter has everything she needs initially with her mom.
  • I work Monday through Friday and am afraid this might factor into what kind of custody I get. I heard that if I have to put her in daycare during the day and my gf's family would watch her while with my ex that again she would get preferential treatment.
  • How does child support work? I read that even if we have joint custody I will have to pay child support if I make more money than she does. Is this true?
  • How soon should I start the custody stuff?
  • Is it better if I am the one to initiate the custody hearing?
  • Any other tips, advice or anything that you think might be helpful would be greatly appreciated.