About half the time I want to love girls, be sweet and kind to them, be gentile and not aggressive (inb4 bluepilled), but the other half I just want to hold them down and fuck them, choke the shit out of them, dominate, grab a fistful of hair and shove my dick down their throats. This doesn't seem insanely mentally healthy and stressed me out in my past relationships so what do I do and where does the balance lie?

I will say the latter half is something I'm not really fond of, since I have trouble controlling malicious feelings related to that. The first time I choked and slapped my ex comes to mind, since I remember letting off steam during (she still enjoyed it either way).