I never engaged in the behaviour of the night scene, drugs, alcohol and more importantly, women as a whole. Now, I feel this is where I can form a question in pursuit of an answer. Do I engage and try to fit in to a world where I go after women, act like some chad or social man when I'm not interested in the first place? I'm not gay, this been going on since puberty.

The only reason I care about women or the concept of sex alone is knowing that I can achieve it but that's a sick, sick reason to participate it personally and trying to fit in. I've read about eye contact, Allen Iversoning on the shit tests and becoming dominant. Had extremely low SMV a few years ago and now I am slightly higher than the average after radical changes. The obsession of feeling unworthy of women to knowing you deserve it with some effort consumes me. But past backlash suggests otherwise and leads to internal conflict and forever missing opportunities. Opportunities that I'm unsure if I would want in the first place.

I wish to catch a wave or a gust of wind so I know I can take a path and stick with it. I can avoid women all my life but the need to be accepted or fit in with the rest, have a somewhat active sex life, flirt and the sorts has me torn in red pill limbo to the point I can't shake it off. Women has consumned my life negatively. Not the pussy but their entire essence and the norms of achieving some holy grail of masculinity leaves me observing from a different planet trying to piece this together to a coherent pattern.

Sorry for the rant but I can't tell if I'm truly apathetic as a user has said once before or I'm hiding and dodging pussy and women because of some inferiority complex from previous experiences and letting it haunt me like skeletons in a closet. I want a clear mind and no matter how much I ignore, these thoughts pester and return. They always do.

I ask everyone involved in Red Pill who slain pussy like modern casanova and rose to massive salary figures how they transitioned. How they learn to be in complete control and be a man and shake away the influence of women.