So, I've been seeing other girls, she knows. I'm pretty sure she's been fucking around too even after asking me not to see anyone else. We go to a party tonight and she is changing outfits numerous times, putting in way more effort than when she comes to see me... This caught me off guard. Also, a text pops up on her phone from "Stephen" whenever I unplug her phone to play some of my music. I brush it off as I already know she has guy friends... I know red flag.

Fast forward to the party. It's mostly dudes and I end up playing guitar and drinking with a few. I look up and see her wondering from the darkness behind the house with "Stephen" and another dude... My heart drops a little. We ride home and as she's moving her car before we leave (she was blocking someone in) I see Stephen hop out of the passenger seat when she parks. Heart drops again.

I don't mention anything to her about any of it. We get back to her place and she denies my physical advance and I left immediately. We've been fucking for 10-11 months. Shit hurts... She's what I need to keep the pill down since swallowing it but fuck.

I guess this is more of a rant but I don't have anyone else right now. This girl tried to tell me last week that she loved me and that I was the best she'd ever had. Which I believe both are partly true... She fucks me when she's the horniest but still not exactly how I wanna fuck.

I'm awake in bed holding composure hoping I can hold out when she actually texts me again.... I walked before and she's said, "we're done" about 4-5 times now. Then days later she'll text again. I need to end this because it's not salvageable or healthy. Help?

Thanks if you read the whole thing... TLDR: shit hurts sometimes.... I wish I didn't care.