Ok, so I've been reflecting more systematically on my last relationship lately and just how weird it was (for more background about that relationship: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/kjz59r/how_do_i_deal_with_having_been_fooled_by_a_lvm/ )

One thing that really sticks out to me now is how he would switch between victim mentality and triangulation. He had never been in a relationship before (neither had I, and we were both virgins). He was getting rejected non-stop. One story was of a girl that "had him on the hook" for a year. Yea, turns out he was just seeing what he wanted and she never really fooled him. He was a willing orbiter basically. In his mind he was seriously wronged in that story. He explained how she would text other guys in front of him to make him jealous etc. etc.

Then he had this other side to him where he would triangulate constantly. He would basically do to me what that girl was doing to him. The difference was of course that we were in a committed relationship and he claimed that those were just innocent friendships and there is nothing more. Now, I feel like he knew exactly what he was doing (And if you've read my post from yesterday you'd have more background. He was very low in self-esteem and not attractive physically). He was clearly trying desperately to inflate his value. Apart from that he would go on about actresses that are his type (three actresses basically, two of which looked nothing like me). In the end he even triangulated me with his sister telling me how she agreed with him about me over-reacting (!!!). Other times he would make a big deal about a person in his life and how I better get along with them if I want to be with him and once I met that person I realized they are not close at all.

He would also switch from how depressing his life is and how he has absolutely nobody to confide to and how he is incredibly lonely, broken family to suddenly being super popular and people always hitting him up and having a really close tight-knit group of friends and a great family .... The reality reflected the former. It's like he regretted opening up so much and would back track.

Cherry on top was how when he found out that my partner in a project for uni was a guy he totally flipped OUT. I don't have any guy friends (it just never worked out for me, they always want something more) so this was the first time he had to endure what he put me through all the time. Not really though because my thing was a professional relationship. Thinking back I wish I had exaggerated the way he would with his friendships. Or even throw in some fake guy friends that are hitting me up again. My ex literally flipped out to the point to where he (claims he) had a nightmare with the three of us at a concert and he was a third wheel to me and the other guy having a great time. That is sooo weird. He had serious issues. That is a bit of an intense reaction (assuming he wasn't lying) to a male project partner.

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What the hell. Is this a personality disorder? I know I can't diagnose him but I'm seriously wondering. It feels like whatever he said was just a means to get me to behave a certain way, so to either have me want to protect him or to make me jealous/vie for his attention/prove myself to him. I can't say that it didn't work. It did affect me unfortunately and at least on the inside I did get more desperate from the triangulation. And I can also see how victim mentality and triangulation go hand in hand.

In the end he, again, portrayed himself as the victim in his goodbye text. He thinks I emotionally abused him. I know I didn't and I know it fits into his pattern. I don't think he told me a single story about a conflict he had in his past where he took any blame or responsibility. Still, I find myself feeling guilty and responsible and anxious because of it (from time to time).